Chapter 34: Just a cough

Shizuo had always been a curious man. Be it on campaigns, foreign lands, people, you name it. It had certainly not only been once that his interest had been piqued by the wrong path inside a dangerous forest leading to an all out fight or a draining retreat from a pack of wolves or enemies.

It was a trait his knights made fun of him for, but he had no intention nor the will to let it go. This time it was his wife that had captured his attention.

Looking anywhere but him Izaya made it an awful point to not meet his gaze as the question remained unanswered.

"What does it look like?" his male wife asked, and despite the evasive character Shizuo somehow knew the question was an honest one.

But what was he supposed to say?

He couldn't tell what was going on in Izaya's mind at all. Having gotten to know him as his wife, a woman, he thought he had known what she was like. Prideful, sharp tongued, experienced in life.

Now that this same woman had turned into a man, he had also become a brother of sisters, someone very much capable of strategizing with a tendency to overwork himself.

The topics that could possibly bother Izaya were as vast as the interpretations of his expression.

Was he sad?

Worried?

Ashamed or angry?

Maybe scared? Annoyed? Tired?

If anything then Shizuo could tell it was a negative emotion at least, but which?

Nothing but a huge question mark popped up in Shizuo's head and the curiosity he felt only increased.

"I don't know, you tell me." Like a hawk he watched his wife's every move. The wind brushed Izaya's hair across his shoulders and the rim of his dress playfully danced around a lithe and fragile body. Had it blown just a tad harder Shizuo wouldn't have been surprised if Izaya were to fly away with it.

A deep sigh followed and those brilliant eyes finally met Shizuo's. "...regarding your offspring-" Izaya began, but faded out upon the nonexistent need to elaborate further.

All was said with those couple words and it finally clicked in Shizuo's mind.

"That's what's worrying you?"

A hint of surprise brightened Izaya's face, but quickly cleared for confusion as he joined the king on the ground leaning on the opposing wall.

Head hitting the cold cobblestone Izaya looked at the clouds passing in the sky.

"You say that like it's nothing that you can't have a family as long as I'm here."

"I don't need any more family."

A shrug. Confidence. That was all the king emitted and Izaya found himself rather stupefied as he lowered his gaze to meet Shizuo's.

"... don't you want a real wife? Children? Grandchildren? You will grow old you know."

Shizuo snorted upon the blunt words. Growing old was something people disliked mentioning as it included falling ill, being rendered useless and the prospect of the inevitable end of life.

Yet there his wife was. Talking about such matters with no filter.

Izaya's views and word choices were awfully refreshing.

… just like the day before.

Shizuo was very well aware that Izaya had no idea of the impact his words had left.

They had been simple. Out of line perhaps.

Especially considering Izaya's standing and current situation, but on top of all they had been honest.

And it was exactly that honesty that Shizuo wanted to return.

"I know it might sound less convincing considering I married you, but I never planned to get a wife."

The breeze picked up, moving some of those blond strands of hair into his face. "I was ordered to marry, just as you were. And without that letter…," he paused, then nodded to himself as if to confirm his own thoughts. "I would probably be scandering the woods."

Ah.

Izaya blinked.

"I thought you hate campaigns?"

"I do, but I love the freedom they bring."

Right.

Freedom.

Izaya remembered most of the previous evening. Especially the peaceful description of the knights. Of traveling with them in what almost felt like a romantic adventure.

Of course.

Shizuo was a knight. A comfortable life supported by servants was not his idea of fulfillment.

"Relieved now?" Shizuo asked, picking up on how the mood in Izaya's face had shifted.

A smile was spared and a nod given.

"Very."

Pushing himself from the ground Shizuo picked up his sword again to put it back into his belt.

"You really need to stop digging up new reasons to feel guilty for, you know."

His words were rude, but his intention was gentle and Izaya couldn't help but feel warm at the amount of care he was being spoiled with.

"I will try."

Satisfied with the answer Shizuo reached for his armory. For a moment Izaya thought he was going to put it back on, but instead he merely carried it on his shoulder.

Noticing that he was being watched he smiled, before nodding towards the landscape behind Izaya.

"Look. A dragon."

Confused by the words as well as the calmth expressed while stating something that should probably be viewed as a certified catastrophe, Izaya turned.

He was presented with the landscape he had already inspected before. Hills, a forest, even a small lake were settled there.

He could even see the small inn they had been residing in previously and of course the mountain.

And just at that moment the very top of them grazed past a set of clouds creating an image that might as well have been a sleeping dragon.

Heartfelt laughter filled Izaya's ears and a tinge of embarrassment hurt his pride for a second.

"Did you really expect one?"

"Shut up-"

Cute.

Shizuo couldn't help but think so at the short display of fluster. It was funnier to tease his male wife than it should be.

Again the wind picked up and an icy breeze worked its way inside Shizuo's shirt and up to his neck. Quite like a cold snake waiting to strangle him from behind.

A very uncanny sensation, even for a knight.

"God damn, it's freezing. Let's get down again," he announced, while opening the wooden hatch leading down anew.

Izaya laughed shortly, "Cold?" he teased, as he didn't feel much of the breeze considering a dress was nothing but a huge blanket when it came down to it. Wrapped in fabrics from head to toe he only noticed the cool sensation in his ears.

Pushing himself off the ground he intended to follow Shizuo-

But that's where his intentions and actions differed.

The wind picked up, a soft prickle tickled Izaya's throat and he coughed.

Just once, just to get rid of the scratching sensation-

But once didn't stay once.

Twice, thrice-

"See? I told you it was too cold," Shizuo snorted, feeling a little smug after his wife had made fun of him for freezing his ass off. But no answer followed, no word was spoken, only coughs were returned.

More coughs- and then Izaya wheezed as he sunk back to the ground.

"Izaya-"

Izaya heard the king's voice, heard the sudden dread layered with uncertainty and the rough sound of the hatch falling back in place. Within a second there were strong warm hands left and right circling Izaya's upper arms as if holding him in place would do anything.

Izaya wanted to answer.

Wanted to say everything was okay, that this was just another coughing fit, just another moment where he was punished with the inability to breathe.

But he could say nothing, couldn't even sign a damned thing as his brows furrowed and his eyes shut tight.

It hurt.

Each cough more than the former as the burning sensation in his chest seeped away like gnawing fire.

Just stop.

Stop.

He wished for nothing more than the coughs to stop-

A few agonizing seconds passed, choked wheezes of air were brought in only to be returned in suppressed blows.

But they passed. As painful as they were, the seconds passed.

Drawing a finally stuttering breath Izaya resisted the urge to return it with force, returning the stabs to his chest to throbs of lingering pain.

It was over. He knew sooner than Shizuo could probably tell and so he quickly opened his eyes again.

Tears had sprung to his eyes from the strain his body was going through and he quickly wiped at their corners.

"Izaya, are you okay?" Eyes filled with nothing but pure concern were directed at his face. Shock, spades of worry and maybe even fear reflected in Shizuo's eyes and Izaya quickly swallowed.

He didn't want to cause any more trouble for Shizuo, yet here he was.

Drawing a low breath Izaya mustered a quick assuring smile.

"A little cough isn't gonna kill me."

"THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" Izaya involuntarily flinched at the words- Shizuo's expression had turned hard. His voice had been harsh, unlike anything Izaya had heard from him before and a glare was settled on his face, deep, unforgiving and uncanny.

Shizuo must have noticed because the moment he did his expression fell. Hands leaving Izaya's arms Shizuo covered his mouth as though he had spoken of a secret he was not supposed to spill.

"Sorry," the word came plagued and muffled as his eyes avoided Izaya's gaze, "I didn't mean to lash out."

There was no need to apologize. Not as far as Izaya was concerned. More than unsettled, he found himself pained by the expression on Shizuo's face.

Emotions he hadn't quite seen the king show reflected and his stomach churned knowing he was the reason for it.

Sheepishly, concerned yet not sure whether he was overstepping his boundaries, Shizuo raised his voice again.

"Are you okay?"

Almost guilty, Izaya found his voice to be faster and firmer than he felt.

"I am."

Relief battled hints of doubt as Shizuo's hand slipped off his lips.

A deep sigh followed in which the king closed his eyes.

"How do you live with this?" Opening them again he put his palm onto his own chest, in the place where he believed Izaya's pain to sit. "Not being able to breathe-," he whispered, "I can't imagine it."

… what was he supposed to say?

This wasn't a question meant to be answered with assuring phrases and Izaya was aware of that.

Swallowing shortly he prepared himself for the truth he had never spoken of before. Not his father, not his siblings or any doctors visiting.

"It's unsettling," he whispered. "Scary. Hella scary. Everytime I can't breathe I feel like this is it. This time I will die," a soft feigned chuckle left his lips, but was swallowed as quick as it turned up and his expression churned. "And then I think about my siblings, about how sad they will be if they find me dead. About my corpse rotting away underneath the pressure of dark earth." Goosebumps traveled down Izaya's spine worse than the wind could. "Sometimes I say I am fine not only to assure others but to calm myself," a bitter smile crept onto his lips as he faced the king. "Because I am not sure I am."

Shizuo felt his own throat clench up at the honesty.

And Izaya felt a similar sensation albeit stemming from the sudden urge to have held his tongue.

"Sorry. That was a tasteless joke earlier," he apologized.

Palming his face, Shizuo sighed.

"No. I overreacted."

There was something. Something Izaya didn't know about. It felt wrong to pry and yet- Shizuo's reaction had been too harsh to stem from mere worry. During their wedding night as well.

When Shizuo saw the blood- he freaked out.

Izaya couldn't remember much, but he vividly recalled the expression Shizuo had shown.

No matter the circumstances, his true identity, the reasons for ending up where they did- he had shown utter shock. Shock that shouldn't stem from seeing nothing better than a stranger pass out.

"... any reason why?"

Glances were cast, lips opened to press tight onto each other again as Shizuo let his eyes wander across the landscape. He seemed troubled if nothing less.

He had obviously hit a nerve and the longer he waited the more he felt like he had hit a topic he should have left untouched.

Clouds passed by faster as the wind hurried on and for a second Izaya thought of switching the topic to something more pleasant.

But then Shizuo talked.

Slow and careful. As if talking in a wrong way was going to crush the memory of his words.

"... my mother."

Fragile like glass, the air around them cracked. A bitter smile fit the words as Shizuo looked towards the sky. "She died of the cough you have."

The queen.

Izaya had heard of her. She died when Shizuo must have been nine years old.

Expressions of sadness, love and nostalgia drowned Shizuo's eyes as Izaya realized just what kind of pain he had just pressed upon.

His father had been the worst, his mother died early and now with his brother gone- he had lost his entire family.

"It got worse without stopping," Shizuo spoke softly. His words suddenly sounded heavy, too heavy to carry even for a warrior of his kind and Izaya wished he had never asked. A tired smile forced his lips upwards as Shizuo continued. "She kept throwing up blood. At first just a little. Then more and more. The doctors couldn't help her."

Stop.

Just stop.

His earlier statement about a cough not killing him- it suddenly seemed beyond crude.

"I'm sorry. I-"

Shizuo interrupted him quicker than Izaya could speak. "You couldn't have known. All my father was willing to relay was her death, not the cause."

Izaya swallowed as the weight of that truth weighed him down.

If the queen had been suffering from a similar illness and no one in the kingdom knew about it, then Shizuo's father probably didn't give a damn about her getting better or not.

A man with that much power could have easily searched the entire continent for a cure and a search of that magnitude would have stirred rumors.

But none of that kind existed.

The reason was simple.

He had never bothered whether she would die.

It was a common reaction. After the first and maybe even second son had been born a wife was no longer needed except for bedchamber duties. That was true for nobility as much as it was for common folk. Not everyone acted upon these structures, but knowing what he heard now it didn't take much for Izaya to recreate what Shizuo's childhood must have been like.

He saw an uncaring father, cold, unavailable and cruel whenever he pleased to be. And Shizuo's mother-

"... I'm guessing she is the reason you turned out so well despite your father."

The words had come as unexpected as the salvation they brought.

Mind absent and eyes full of surprise Shizuo found himself speechless.

He was a spitting image of his father.

A man. A knight. Used to battles and equipped with strength unlike any others- compared to his mother he had always thought to be the polar opposite.

His deeds, that's what most people judged him for. Actions taken and victories won.

But to hear himself be compared to her was definitely a first.

A smile was brought to his face as he shook his head softly.

Memories of peaceful nights in front of the fireplace with nothing but his brother and mother telling stories to each other popped to Shizuo's mind and he found himself content. "She was a fantastic queen and mother."

Thank god.

Izaya found his own lips curling into a smile. Shizuo's expression had changed. The heavy mood had passed. The clouds as well.

More and more sunlight was slowly parting the foggy day.

"She would have liked you." The statement came as quick as the snort that left Izaya.

"I doubt that. I'm keeping you from getting a real wife. And kids."

"She would have understood. And liked you anyway."

Heh.

Izaya couldn't help but feel that strange warmth return to his chest.

"Like mother like son, I guess?"

Another cloud passed by and for the first time since they entered the top of the tower the sun actually managed to shower the two in her soothing rays.

Turning towards the light Izaya closed his eyes for a moment to relish in the comforting warmth provided.

And Shizuo- he couldn't help but stare.

With the breeze softly picking up, moving that dress slightly and pushing Izaya's hair back and forth he was serving quite the sight. The deep colors only gained intensity, the jewelry adjusted all around glittered like fresh morning dew, but all of these artificial objects couldn't stand a chance against those eyes when Izaya opened them to look at him.

Izaya was beautiful.

The thought struck him as nothing but the plain truth as he met his bride's gaze.

And yet-

His illness was still there.

Dangerously threatening, like an invisible cloak of death pulling at Izaya's shoulders.

It caused an array of emotions that Shizuo didn't like to have stirred.

Palm clenching into a loose fist Shizuo tried to keep his expression unfazed as he spoke.

"... is there any way I can help you? When you can't breathe, I mean."

Hesitation marked his stance as Izaya's lips closed and his head was shaken instead.

Worse than before Shizuo found his guts churning.

He was a capable warrior, very much able to defeat any kind of monster presented in front of him. But this illness was an enemy he couldn't fight and it unsettled him greater than any war.

"Be there, I guess," the whisper reached him only quietly and Shizuo lifted the gaze he had turned to the ground. Turning his own away Izaya was wearing a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "It feels less scary to die in company than alone."

The blow those words dealt to Shizuo felt harder than any wound he had received over the years.

The way Izaya stood there- alone, shouldering what might as well be his own fated death caused Shizuo to choke.

The stupid urge to pull Izaya into his chest and tell him that everything was going to be alright suddenly surfaced from somewhere in the back of his mind and Shizuo's fists clenched as he resisted.

Another breeze picked up and Shizuo turned his head to the side to avoid the majority of it from irritating his eyes.

It was then that he spotted a soft glimmer of gold in the distance.

Right there, down in the fields.

It was a carriage being drawn by four tall, black horses that was heading towards the castle.

Of course.

That was Izaya's father.

"We have to get down." Shizuo announced curtly. He was about to tell Izaya why, thinking he had not spotted the object yet. But upon turning his gaze towards his wife Shizuo saw he had long discovered it himself.

A hard expression had replaced all genuine emotion as his wife looked at the approaching carriage.

"What are we even going to tell him?" Izaya whispered, as though his father would be able to hear him if he dared to raise his voice.

Anger, disdain and an unhealthy dose of resentment surfaced from Shizuo's guts as he glared at the visiting bastard.

"Nothing."

To be continued~ xD

Oh well, oh well, oh well. The father has finally come to check up on his sick daughter C: One that should be dead, one whose corpse his friend was supposed to pick up C: Now what are they going to do? C: C: C:

See you next Saturday xDDDD