Chapter 54: Death
Shizuo still remembered it. The morning of his wedding day.
He had been out with his knights. Sleeping on the cold ground of earth and woken before anyone else to watch the sun rise.
It was the same now.
Their bedroom was somewhat cute. Much smaller than the one back at the castle of course, but decent nonetheless. Green seemed to be the lord's favorite color as most of the castle had been matched with a variety of emeralds, fabrics and ornaments matching the tone.
Silver had been used instead of gold wherever the need to metal arised and Shizuo found himself thinking that the lord had a hand for choosing the most efficient materials to appear wealthy whilst not owning the wealth to back it up.
Standing at the window Shizuo's gaze traversed the horizon of the unfamiliar lands. He was probably looking at the neighboring kingdom judging the direction they had come from.
The softest sound of even breaths filled the illuminated chamber and Shizuo's eyes traveled to Izaya.
Having pulled off the coat he had been wearing he was left with nothing but his sleeping gown. A gown made for a queen of course. And yet Shizuo couldn't find himself denying that it suited Izaya in the best ways.
Satin curves dipped into his collarbones and brushed across tender skin. The pure white served as a mesmerizing contrast to his black hair as he shifted slightly in his sleep.
Shizuo couldn't help but think that Izaya was beautiful. The dresses suited him better than any other piece of clothing. The day before too.
At the inn.
The fireplace.
The way he spun Izaya around like a leaf in the wind had somehow stuck to his mind and stirred something he wasn't sure of. It was part of the reason he was awake at this hour. When he first opened his eyes and looked at Izaya peacefully dozing he couldn't help but watch for a while.
Birds chirping away in protest of the first rays of the sun seemed to finally disturb Izaya in his slumber. An eyebrow twitched, as if he were preparing to wake up and Shizuo smiled.
"Good morning."
Morning.
Izaya heard the word.
Light flooded his senses sooner than he liked and he quickly pressed his eyes shut in dismay. Usually it took him mere seconds to retain his sense of reason and mind but right now his head seemed anything but ready to face the reality of a new day.
Why?
Clouds fogged his vision and water seemed to obstruct his hearing as a rushing sound dimmed all noise around. He felt sluggish.
His limbs carried unreasonable weight and the words he wanted to say somehow stuck in his throat like a piece of meat cut too large to consume.
A fever.
He knew without needing someone to tell him.
He was suffering from one.
Again.
Soft knocks resounded from the door and Shizuo, who had probably not second guessed Izaya's lack of a morning greeting yet, quickly hurried to open it.
A maid entered the room. Before Izaya knew it her voice and Shizuo's intertwined in a quick exchange of orders and confirmations. Was she one of the servants standing by in the dinner hall the night before? She probably dropped by to ask for their wishes for breakfast, for clothes, for a bath. They were talking right next to Izaya and yet somehow Izaya couldn't care less what they said.
The awful taste of frustration lingered in his mouth and prevented his lips from moving as he slowly tried to move his limbs. He had to be able to move. To talk. To present a queen that wasn't casting a shadow in Shizuo's newly forming reputation-
But no use.
They were heavy as stones. Heat and pain nagged at the back of Izaya's head and he closed his eyes in a moment of pure and utter frustration.
Why?
Izaya had felt alright to move the day before. Even danced, so how?
"Kururi?" Eyes snapping back open he quickly turned his head. Shizuo was standing next to the bed and asked something, what exactly, Izaya had failed to hear.
His attention was drifting out of control and only focused on what he was presented up front.
In this case, a scratch.
Blood had clotted to form a thin line on Shizuo's cheek and Izaya found himself blinking at the unfamiliar sight.
"What's that?" Hand reaching upwards as if to locate the object Izaya was questioning, Shizuo seemed to have forgotten about the minor injury in its entirety. Only when his fingertips brushed across the uneven part of skin did he smile.
"I trained a bit with Craigh after sunrise. Didn't pay enough attention."
So it had been inflicted by the tip of a sword.
Pictures of how Craigh and Shizuo cut each other no slack while going all out in a simple training session came to Izaya's mind and his lips formed the slightest smile. A smile that faded as quickly as it appeared as a wave of searing heat torched his face and chest.
He felt weak, he felt hot.
Lightheaded.
The room was spinning without him doing more than speak and to say it was vastly unsettling would have been a serious underestimation.
A certain type of fear welled up in his mind as he cursed his body.
He had thought he was getting better.
Mind reading had never been a skill Izaya owned, but apparently Shizuo did. "Thank you, that will be all." Shizuo suddenly announced, addressing the maid that was preparing a new set of clothes for the queen.
Coming to a surprised standstill the emerald green dress swayed back and forth as she turned and folded her hands in front of her white apron with a quick nod.
She seemed smart, or at least smarter than the average maid as she quickly understood the king wanted her to leave.
"If anything is amiss or you wish for something just let us know," she politely bowed, before retracting herself from their presence, along with the crimson dress.
Much more appreciated silence returned to the chamber and Izaya felt himself wishing to return to the wonderfully painless state of sleep.
Feeling the bed shift on the right side his attention was brought elsewhere, however. Blond hair touched by the early morning rays of sunlight came into vision as the king looked at him with a gaze Izaya had seen too many times.
"How do you feel?"
Worry.
So he had noticed.
Frustration, anger and the slightest hint of sadness choked Izaya's throat as he wished he could for once give Shizuo the answer he sought. He wanted to be able to tell him he was fine, to tell him he was healthy, strong, not in need of help.
Not in need of care.
No goddamned burden.
Because at the end of the day wasn't that what he was for the king in his current state? For the knights too? He was overreacting, he knew it, and yet right now, after having lived through a night so free of worries and pain, returning to this state resembled an inescapable nightmare.
Lips pressing onto each other into a thin line Izaya felt something inside him give up all hope and his brows furrowed as much as his eyes stung.
"Bad." It was a simple word, but not bringing the details Shizuo sought.
The worried expression glued to the king's face only intensified at the inaccurate description of Izaya's state.
"In what way?" he whispered and Izaya swore if Shizuo made him talk for much longer he was going to cry.
Taking a deep rattling breath Izaya tried to suppress the upwelling emotions and showed a smile that didn't appear as one. "Every way."
Shizuo's body stiffened as though he was facing a rabid wolf jumping out of the woods and ready to kill what was most precious to him.
"Are you in pain? Should I get Karazam?" The words were rushed and awfully failed to provide the comfort Shizuo meant to bring.
Izaya could do nothing but frown.
For what? What was Karazam supposed to do? Give him some warm milk mixed with herbs? They had done close to nothing if this was the state he was reduced to after a few hours of simply living.
Was this what his life was going to be like from now on? Was this why he was here?
A last trip? An adventure to distract Izaya from his fate of death? Was that what it was?
Brows furrowing, Izaya tried to ignore the hint of panic sitting at the back of his throat. He had heard it before. People suddenly feeling better only to suddenly die the next day. Was that what this was?
"Shizuo, I didn't ask because I'm not sure I want to know," Izaya whispered and his throat choked on his words as he asked what he had been meaning to ever since Shizuo carried him to the carriage back at the castle. "Why are we here?"
The sound of birds had accompanied Izaya from the second he woke. They had seemed annoying, loud, and yet right now they served a proper indicator of time.
A chirp here, a chirp there. Four of them followed until Izaya realized Shizuo still lacked an answer.
The king was hesitating and that fact caused Izaya's guts to sink.
"You heard it, there are people going missing regularly." Shizuo suddenly said and Izaya felt his stomach clench in the worst way possible.
Because this was the first time that Shizuo had tried to lie to his face.
And something about that fact unsettled Izaya more than any answer possibly could.
The cold hand of death sat on Izaya's chest as his eyes searched for Shizuo's. Without surprise he was avoiding meeting his gaze.
"Alright, then let me rephrase," Izaya swallowed hard. The decision had been made, now more than ever. "Why am I here?" He wanted to know.
He wanted Shizuo to tell him it was not what he thought it was.
But only silence met his question.
Reluctance was written all across Shizuo's troubled face and a bitter smile forced itself onto Izaya's lips.
"Can you please tell me what's going on with me?"
A breeze forced a tree's branch sitting right next to the window to brush across the glass. Buds of flowers, partly blooming, partly sprouting sat on its ends as an envoy of summer and spring. Hell's season was almost over.
The rain had disappeared.
Warmth was filling this region more than their castle and Izaya knew by this time he should not be getting the vast amount of fevers that he was suffering from.
Reluctance marked Shizuo's expression and a deep frown carved itself into his forehead as he closed his eyes.
"... you are sick."
A sarcastic reply sat at the tip of Izaya's tongue, but never left his lips. A few seconds of silence followed as Shizuo's expression shifted to someone who was forced to kill kittens by smashing them to pieces with a hammer.
"Too sick."
His voice had lowered, as if talking about the matter quietly was going to change their contents. Heavy silence filled the room and the breeze forced itself past the window and up to Izaya's bed.
It was warm. Soothing. Or at least it should have been. But right now Izaya felt nothing but cold creep its way inside his body as he faced Shizuo.
"Too sick to live?" he whispered.
It had been a half hearted joke, really.
But the lack of Shizuo's protest rendered Izaya mute.
And his heart sank to the bottom of an endless ocean.
Fuck.
Quicker than he wanted it to, his mind trailed back to the day Izaya arrived at the castle. The day Shizuo returned from his last campaign.
The corpse slipping from the carriage, the maggots, the rotting flesh- pictures depicting his own body resurfaced from his memory.
That's it- he would die. He was going to end up exactly like that corpse. With the exact same maggots traversing his body, the same rotting stench turning his eyes to liquid and his insides to grotesque mucus. He was never going to see Mairu and Kururi again. His chest felt tight.
The air was suddenly way too thin and Izaya could feel his breath accelerate.
More and more of these thoughts started to clutter his mind like a nest of bees freshly stirred by a stick- and suddenly that brimming madness halted when Shizuo grasped his hand.
"You won't die." Eyes brimming with assurance and confidence directed themselves at Izaya. It were the same he faced the night before and yet right now Izaya didn't feel the same amount of relief when facing them.
"Awfully confident considering we left our only medic at the castle," Izaya whispered and Shizuo's expression cringed.
Izaya knew Karazam was capable. He knew Shinra himself had instructed him, and yet right now he couldn't bring himself to join Shizuo in his endless positivity.
There were no words capable of cheering Izaya up.
And Shizuo knew.
And so he moved. Quicker than he could even think about it he had reached for his sick queen. Arms encircled his body and before Izaya knew it he found himself trapped in a tight hug.
No words were able to relay what Shizuo said and no words were going to soothe the gruesome facts that stood in the room. It was frustrating.
Not only for Izaya, but also for Shizuo.
"Everything will be okay. I promise," Shizuo repeated and his hand brushed Izaya's hair.
Izaya was slim. Shorter than him and perfectly fit in his arms. Warmth from a fever sept through Shizuo's clothes and he tightened his hug on the raven. Only after a few seconds had passed did the king realize that this action might be appreciated by a woman, but not a man-
"Sorry-" backing off Shizuo tried to correct his mistake, but his body stilled as quickly as it had moved as he noticed Izaya's palms clutching his shirt and his eyes narrowed. No.
Encircling Izaya, Shizuo sighed.
This was no matter of being female or male. Fear of death affected them all equally. It was something he couldn't take away from Izaya but if he was able to help by being there then he would do so with pleasure.
Izaya didn't know how long they had been sitting there like that. A few minutes? Half an hour? More? All he knew was the pulse of Shizuo's heartbeat. He could hear it next to his ear. Of his chest rising and falling and in absolute calmth and strength that Izaya could only wish he had.
It was soothing in a really odd way. Reluctance caused Izaya's palms to hesitate as he finally pushed the blond away.
"Sorry," he whispered, "Usually I'm not spooked so easily, I swear," he tried to laugh, but the smile only made it halfway to his face as he let his body sink back into the cushions.
Nothing but understanding and care lingered in Shizuo's eyes as he shook his head vehemently. "Feeling better?"
Better, huh?
"Physically? Not really." After all, what was a simple hug going to do in the face of his fever and illness? And yet a soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he faced the king. "Thank you."
Shizuo frowned, "For what?" He had done nothing so far to improve Izaya's situation. He hadn't found his siblings like he promised. He hadn't been able to find a cure for his illness.
All he could do was stand by and watch. No part about that struck him as excessively helpful, and yet Izaya's smile rewarded him with unrivaled gratitude.
"Being there?"
Shizuo didn't know what it was, but something about those words caused his heart to clench almost painfully. It forced him to remember the day back on the watchout when Izaya told him about how not being left alone was already a relief to his state.
Being there. That's something he could do at least.
A soft knock on the door jerked the king out of his thoughts.
"My king, just a second."
Craigh.
No voice was easier to discern from any direction or obstruction.
"What a timing," Izaya joked bittersweet, referring to the way he had just thanked Shizuo for not leaving him alone in his state of delirium.
The last wish for Shizuo was to move, but Craigh was not the type to intrude without proper reason.
"I will be right back," Shizuo promised.
"I won't leave." Izaya showed the slightest hint of sarcasm, then sighed. "Might fall asleep though." He was suddenly feeling very tired despite having just woken up and Shizuo nodded with an assuring smile.
"Do that and I will be there when you wake up again."
to be continued~
I know, I know, suddenly throwback from the cozy sweetness xDD But I promise you will absolutely love what's coming the next two chapters C: C: C: C: C: C: C: