Chapter 56: Desire

Shizuo was obviously against the usage of such an unreliable source. Certainly, Izaya had also heard more bad stories than good ones when it came to healers, but the fact remained that there had been good ones to tell at all.

Rumors about knights injured beyond saving being rescued by the hand of what appeared to be an angel sent from god himself.

Descriptions of extreme beauty, sophisticated skills and even gentler personality painted a pretty picture in the folk's heads.

Hope was a funny emotion, really. As long as it existed humankind seemed to accept any downsides.

Clutching the bedsheets, Izaya's eyes narrowed.

He was no better than them, was he? He was craving for a life void of breathlessness, a life he could use to the fullest and not just survive. And this was lord Hebaron's personal healer.

Apart from his nasty personality he was a man of good taste. His mansion's interior was beautiful, his servants dutiful and there was no sign of unnecessary pain or demise in anyone's eyes.

A guy like that wouldn't claim a personal healer if he wasn't worth his name, right?

"At this point I would try anything to get better," he whispered and Shizuo's expression shifted.

He was against it. As much as one single man could be.

But somehow his lips remained sealed as he looked at Izaya's figure.

Craigh's words danced in his mind.

He was right. Izaya was suffering, and the king slowly but surely realized he wasn't exactly helping Izaya with his opinion and rage, and least with stories of his mother's death.

It was devastating to Shizuo to know that he couldn't do shit despite trying everything he could think of.

But, fuck, this was about Izaya not about him.

Shizuo wanted to protect Izaya, and if there was something that was really desperately needed right now then it was kind words and moral support.

He should assure Izaya, not tell him the healer wasn't going to help anyway.

"... if he only starts talking about taking your blood I will throw him out of the window," the king whispered after an endless moment of silence and Izaya's grasp on his blanket tightened.

"Assuring," he chuckled a laugh of pretensed smiles, but as if scolding him for trying to keep up a mask in front of Shizuo his body was quick to punish the action.

Coughs and heaps of stones filled Izaya's chest for a terrifying moment and Izaya closed his eyes shut.

The bed shifted and Izaya knew Shizuo had flown over quicker than a bird spotting a caterpillar on top of a rose's leaf without needing to look. His gentle touch drew soothing patterns on his back as Shizuo's conscience blurred into a mixture of rage and guilt.

Why?

Why Izaya?

He wanted to end Izaya's constant suffering so badly. But how? He could do nothing in the face of this invisible enemy. This gruesome shadow of death dancing on top of the ceiling, never casting its avid stare away.

It was then that the door was knocked and the shadow dispersed.

Flickering back open, Izaya's eyes met Shizuo's for just a second, but it was enough to convey what Izaya was truly feeling.

He was afraid.

Afraid of the healer. Afraid what he would do.

Afraid that he couldn't do anything, or everything.

And he had certainly arrived faster than the two of them liked.

Without being called in the door opened slowly and Craigh was the one to slip inside the room.

"Commander," he called, his expression stoic and void of emotions. "Queen," he greeted formally, obviously enforcing his will by appearing but not wishing for more deescalation. He had parted from Shizuo in madness and he was ready to take more of his anger if needed.

Shizuo could tell.

Words of apology were an option the king could take. Craigh only meant well and Shizuo regretted their earlier dispute. But this was Craigh, and he knew this man long enough to know words of such a kind would merely insult their relationship.

Just by calling their respective titles Shizuo could tell that he wasn't alone.

The hallway in Craigh's back suddenly seemed so awfully dark and void of hope.

He was there.

The healer.

And so Shizuo met Craigh's eyes before nodding slowly.

"Call him in."

A smile grazed Craigh's expression as he stepped inside the chamber. That single smile was enough to make up for everything said and unsaid. And yet Shizuo's stomach was far from calming down as his eyes focused on the door.

And Izaya's stomach churned as he laid eyes upon the healer.

It was not a young woman. There was no beauty to be found, no elegance in every motion, there was no holy glow or air of hope following her every path.

This healer was a man.

Old wrinkly skin clinging to sunken eye sockets looked at Izaya with tired eyes that craved for an end of their life.

A cloak of emerald green, most obviously provided by lord Hebaron was trying its best to enhance the healer's appearance and missing hair on top of his head. But the clothes did little to nothing at all to hide the tremors shaking this healer's body and bones.

It certainly didn't help that he looked like too many of the incapable medics that had been experimenting on patients via means of bloodletting and worse and suddenly Izaya was very glad that Shizuo had said he would toss the guy out of the window the second he tried anything fishy.

A short nod was given towards Craigh and the knight stepped aside to let the medic in. Weak steps and even slower motions followed as the old geezer cleared his throat.

"The lord sent me," he announced with a voice fitting his presence. Weak, meek and on the brink of disappearing.

"So I heard," Izaya voiced in a frighteningly similar fashion.

Old smiles were flashed and slow nods given as the healer bowed as far as he was capable of. "My name is Meccus Aldous, I serve the central church on most occasions, but recently not only due to my old age I was forced to settle down," he spoke slowly while pressing his old arms to his lower back and Izaya nodded to affirm the guy that he had done enough to introduce himself. He wasn't interested in his occupation, if there was anything he truly wanted to know then it was whether he was going to be able to help or make matters worse.

"I thought you are a healer, why not heal yourself?" Shizuo's eyes glinted with suspicion and spoke of what Izaya didn't dare to voice aloud.

But instead of taking a stance of defense the old man showed a smile of kindness.

"These old bones may be healthy but they won't last forever. It's age, it's the course of life," he spoke slowly while looking at Shizuo, "No matter how proficient the skill of the healer, death and decay is something no one can escape."

Feeling his stomach plummet, Izaya duly noted how down to earth this healer seemed to be. He had expected the guy to brag about his powers or fish for excuses as to why he wouldn't be able to help Izaya. Considering they were talking about something that came close to a miracle or magic there would be no way to disprove the healer's words if he spouted anything about the moon having to be angled just right or some kind of evil force keeping his powers at bay.

Yet the old man didn't seem to see a need to defend his possible failure as he merely kept his gentle smile.

It was surprising how modest this healer was compared to his boisterous lord.

"I was informed about your condition by one of your knights, my lady. And that you might require my gift," the healer spoke up once more as he had yet to find actual offense.

Shizuo looked ready to throw him out of the window at the word 'gift', but remained still for Izaya's sake.

"Can your gift help?" he asked with a healthy dose of skepticism and the healer smiled. "We will see."

A step was taken towards the bed and the king's body jerked without spending it any thought. Izaya could tell Shizuo was ready to behead this guy as soon as he even dared to look at Izaya the wrong way and the healer could tell too.

Stopping short he paused before gesturing towards Izaya's hand that was resting upon the bedsheets.

"May I?"

He was asking Izaya. Not Shizuo.

Izaya could tell. Either this healer was smart enough to realize that he was not here on the king's order or he had simply decided that it was his patient's right to decide.

Taking a deep breath Izaya gathered the remaining courage he owned and nodded.

Shizuo was there.

The second this guy pulled out a needle or any substance of harm he would pull him away.

And so the healer approached the bed and grasped Izaya's palm. The sensation the touch brought was uncanny and cold. The healer's skin was barely clinging to his bones and streaks of blue and white made most of the clammy skin's structure.

"Don't worry, you will feel no pain," the healer whispered and tore Izaya's eyes away from his hand and up to his face.

And then the healer closed his eyes.

Low whispers of latin left his cracked lips and the hold on Izaya's hand tightened just a little bit.

Izaya didn't know what to expect. Light? Music brought about by angels? Maybe trickery of vision? A healer sounded like a human bestowed with a god sent gift, so was it so wrong to assume wings would spread from the old guy's back as soon as he used his power?

Hell Izaya didn't even discard the idea that he might be the holy lady after all that rumors were talking about. A disguise as an old man came to mind to prevent people from trying to capture her and abuse her for their own means.

But none of that happened.

The healers remained as he had been. There was no glow, there was no light, no might words or hallowing echoes.

But there was a sensation.

Invisible, as fear clutching one's mind to others, it felt like someone was pouring liquid of warmth into Izaya's body.

Warmth of a golden sunset, the kind felt by the first rays of light on a midsummer day on a field covered in morning dew.

It started in his palm, then moved to Izaya's arm. His shoulder, head, chest-

The weight he had felt upon waking decreased its pressure.

Not much, just a little, but enough to tell the difference.

His head too, it felt lighter, clearer, as if the mist and fog clouding his mind had suddenly dispersed.

Izaya wasn't sure how much time had passed, but it hadn't been very long when the healer removed his clammy hands from Izaya's skin.

A deep sigh followed and the old geezer wiped a droplet of sweat off his forehead.

"I'm afraid this is all I can do in a day, I'm old and my ability is not as proficient as it used to be," he announced with a soft chuckle, but his eyes retained their curious glint as he met Izaya's. "But I have a suggestion if I may. From what I can tell, you have high compatibility, my queen."

Flabbergasted, and yet too surprised to actually believe what had just happened, Izaya had remained too dumbfounded to speak yet.

Only barely he registered the healer's words and quickly uttered, "I have what?"

Both Shizuo as well as Craigh seemed awfully let down by this whole ordeal as they had no idea of Izaya's condition. Impatience marked their expressions, but the healer didn't let those stares get to him as he smiled.

"Holy spells. You should be able to use them. At least a simple one." Pulling a piece of coal from his cloak he signed for Izaya's palm once more. "Would you care to try?"

Hell yes.

Shizuo was looking at the guy like he wanted to behead him on the spot, and Izaya couldn't blame him, but right now more than wanting to relieve the king he wanted to learn what it was that brought this wonderful sensation to his body.

"Show me how."

A quick nod was given and the clammy hand returned to its formed position grasping Izaya's hand. Dragging the piece of coal carefully across Izaya's skin, a circle took on form along with two more settled inside. A few letters here and there made the rest of what looked like an ancient rune.

"As to every act in life, consistency brings most results. You may not have the experience I have, but you are young compared to my old self," the healer chuckled and clasped Izaya's palm with both hands.

Doubtful gazes rested upon the two. Shizuo had said nothing so far, but his eyes were practically screaming, hurt her and you are dead.

"Now, think about something that brings you joy, my lady," the healer instructed and Izaya frowned.

"Joy?"

"A memory, perhaps. Or a person. Just pay attention to keep the thought positive. Negative thoughts will not bring any harm but they will hinder the spell from working," the old geezer elaborated with gentle ease and Izaya hummed.

Joy, huh?

"Calmth is key in using your gift. Ill intentions or a startled mind will only make things worse," the healer explained further and Izaya found himself with more questions answered then he had expected.

Was that the reason why priests always seemed unfazed no matter what they faced?

Their unshaking belief strengthened their power. Keeping calm in the face of something cruel was easier with belief backing up every action.

Truly, it made a lot of sense to view it this way.

Looking at his palm and the circle drawn upon it, Izaya knew what his thoughts should revolve around.

Mairu. Kururi. Their smiles. Finding them finally.

The dream he had had some time ago about ditching their father and flying away with those two came in awfully handy as Izaya brought it back from his memory.

"Retain the feeling. Picture it in your mind and place it into your hand," the healer suddenly spoke softly, and Izaya realized he had closed his eyes at some point.

He considered opening them again, but wasn't vision just another distraction from this pure concentration the healer had spoken of?

So he refrained and instead pictured his siblings inside his hand. It was a fun idea.

Would be easy to protect them if they were this small. The thought was so childish.

And yet it seemed to work.

The pattern drawn upon Izaya's skin suddenly seemed to fill with warmth.

It was a soothing sensation at most compared to what the healer had managed, but not bad at all.

It felt good. And too surprised to retain the concentration needed to keep it up, Izaya's eyes opened and the feeling vanished.

Positive surprise was written all across his face and the healer chuckled quietly.

"Very good. This is a very simple and basic spell and shouldn't strain your body at all. Use it anytime you desire and like droplets carving a stone you should be able to heal yourself slowly."

With those words the healer let go of Izaya's hand and moved towards the king. "I will be replenishing my stamina for today, but feel free to call on me any time you need me," he announced with a tired smile and bowed to both respectively, "My king, my queen, it was a pleasure to be of assistance."

Izaya had rarely been speechless in his life as much as he was right now.

Eyes still glued to his palm and the experience he had just witnessed he felt various emotions at once.

Surprise, hope, excitement, power and among them all incredible relief.

Relief.

Because this- no matter how small and insignificant it had been, it had helped. A little.

And day by day- didn't this mean he would be able to get better? That he would be able to defeat this god damned illness? The stones in his chest? The fever? The breathlessness?

Sooner than he realized Izaya missed his chance to thank the old man as Craigh had already escorted him into the hallway.

A deep sigh was drawn by Shizuo's lips once the old geezer was gone and his stance relaxed.

"It actually worked-" Izaya whispered, sounding quite out of it and in disbelief.

Shizuo couldn't help but snort at the declaration and crossed his arms.

"Yeah and pigs can fly," he joked, but nothing except mad excitement reflected in Izaya's eyes as his expression brimmed with life.

"No, really-" Sitting up straight, and much more quickly than wise, Izaya was obviously bursting with the desire to act. Not the best decision considering his illness and the coughs came as quickly as expected.

Shizuo crossed the room quicker than Izaya could even voice discomfort and the bed shifted as he kneeled onto its side.

"Are you okay-?" But even the quick coughs failed to remove the hope written in Izaya's eyes as he smiled. "I'm fine," he said, and Shizuo groaned invertedly.

"Of course you are."

"No really-" Vehemence marked Izaya's words and for a second Shizuo found himself quite at a loss of what he was supposed to say or do.

As far as he had been aware the healer did nothing but hold Izaya's hand for a minute. What was an action like that supposed to do?

And yet somehow Izaya's eyes brimmed with too much hope to stubbornly repeat his point.

"That scratch, come here-" Izaya suddenly announced, waving Shizuo closer. "I want to show you."

Ah.

And suddenly Shizuo knew what to do as relief painted across the earlier demise he had felt.

Izaya looked happy.

Holding back a snort, Shizuo did as he was asked to and moved closer. He didn't really know where this hype came from, but Izaya appeared to be in higher spirits than before.

That meant, even if the so-called healer hadn't been able to do shit, the visit had not been in vain when it came to cheering his queen up at least.

"I thought you were no believer," Shizuo questioned amused as he played along.

"Shut up and concentrate," Izaya ordered with more fervor than needed and Shizuo snorted before closing his eyes. Concentrate, huh? On what?

He had yet to receive proper instructions.

And yet, for a short game of pretenses this was fine enough, wasn't it?

He could feel Izaya's palms brush his face left and right as they gently cupped his cheeks. Warmth sept through his skin in the places Izaya touched and he smiled.

"Can you feel this?"

Cute. Shizuo didn't know how to react to such an honest question asking such ridiculous things.

"... well your hand is soft and warm of course I can feel it," he tried, but obviously met a groan at his reply.

"No, this is more."

Shizuo snorted, too slow to hold back his obvious amusement and his eyes opened.

He meant to look at Izaya, meant to tell him he believed in what he said to humor him further.

Izaya was in front of him, his eyes focused on the small cut that Craigh's word had left on Shizuo's cheek. It was nothing really, a wound not even deserving attention.

And yet, somehow his breath stuck in his throat as he looked at Izaya.

Close.

Closer than expected.

Nose almost grazing his own Izaya remained in place and a silence unknown to Shizuo's ears deafened his ears as he looked at Izaya's eyes.

Izaya's cheeks.

Izaya's lips.

Jerking away from Izaya's gentle grasp Shizuo stumbled to his feet faster than a startled fish in a pond surrounded by cats.

"Look, it worked!" Delight and joy reflected in Izaya's eyes only as he was still looking at Shizuo's cheek.

"Huh…?"

A bit speechless and lost in various ways, Shizuo had entirely forgotten the current goal.

A turn to the side, mirroring his reflection in the sword he had discarded next to the door Shizuo noticed what Izaya had pointed out and more confusion joined the perplexion he felt as he noticed that the small scratch had actually disappeared.

"... alright maybe there is some truth to this," Shizuo whispered and Izaya felt his chest fill with pride of an unknown kind.

Looking at his palm, then back at the king that seemed pretty out of it due to his latest achievement, Izaya grinned, "I told you."

But Shizuo seemed to be more disturbed by this realization than he let on.

A stoic face, depicting close to no emotion at all hardened his expression and before Izaya knew it the king steered towards the door. "I will go thank him right away."

And with that he was gone.

Gone.

And Izaya was left quite confused.

Heavy silence filled the hallway and Shizuo was very glad for the absence of any maids, Craigh or the healer.

The door to Izaya's chamber was closed and Shizuo's back met the wall next to it with mild force as he let his head thud backwards.

"... what the hell is wrong with me?"

His thoughts were a jumbled mess. Izaya's ability to heal the scratch was as astonishing as anything could be and yet it was not the main act of the play that was staged in Shizuo's mind.

Covering his lips as if to keep them from spouting nonsense, Shizuo's eyes narrowed as he tried to get the picture out of his head.

The picture of Izaya's face.

Izaya's eyes.

Izaya's lips.

Izaya.

Shizuo had always been a man of desire. He did what he wanted for the most part, but this-

He desired a fight. A victory. Safety for his men. There was a lot he desired.

But he wasn't aware he desired Izaya.

to be continued~

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Sorry for updating so late btw xD I was away from home yesterday and completely forgot it was Saturday xD

Well, I hope you liked this extra long update C: C: C: It is high time that this story started leaning more into the romance section, don't you agree? xD