Chapter 57: Care of varying degree
Birds chirped, maids chattered.
Shizuo could hear them. Down the hallway. They were probably guiding the healer back to wherever he came from.
Izaya was feeling better- due to beliefs or facts was a matter that didn't manage to steal Shizuo's attention as his thoughts laid elsewhere.
Looking at his hand as though it had executed an action most unforgiving the king couldn't quite make sense of his actions.
How?
He was a man.
There had never been-
As if on cue his mind betrayed him by bringing up most recent memories.
The inn. The dance. They way he carried Izaya out of the castle when Shinra deemed his health too weak to stay.
His fear.
Shinra, saying he cared too much over a fake queen.
He had taken it as a healthy advice to not get tangled up with commoners
but now-
"My king."
Startled unlike any time on the battlefield before, Shizuo jerked out of his thoughts.
He had not heard a soul approach, much less two as a couple of maids had joined him in the hallway.
Expectant faces looked at Shizuo and the king felt the unpleasant sensation of guilt heating his chest. Of course they had no idea what exactly it was he had been thinking about, but to Shizuo it wouldn't have made much of a difference if they did.
"What?" he replied dryly, realizing they had probably been sent by one of lord Hebaron's orders.
Nodding quickly, the one on the right brought her inquiry forth first.
"The high priest will be preaching at church today. The lord invited you to take part if you wish."
A pair of mesmerizing green eyes sat on her face and her braids of dark brown only seemed to accentuate her gown as it matched the entirety of the mansion perfectly.
Shizuo could tell just by glancing at her that she was probably lord Hebraron's favorite just for the eyes.
"What for?" he quickly questioned, his mind not paying attention at all, but his conscience was craving a distraction.
Looking at each other for just a second the maids seemed to have noticed the king's
temporary obtuseness and so the second maid spoke.
"For your queen as far as I am aware," she whispered with a voice made of freshly sprouted dandelions on a blossoming day of spring. Her shyness swayed in every syllable spoken and Shizuo found himself recognizing the maid as the one Izaya had chosen to talk to down in the hall. Fidgeting just slightly with the rim of her apron she quickly continued. "He wants to speak a prayer in favor of our lord for her sake."
Right.
Izaya's condition. That's why they were here.
Thoughts in wild disarray still and neither a decision nor an answer sitting ready on Shizuo's lips, the king was quite glad for the sudden noise interrupting the conversation from the direction of the stairs.
Heaving and most ungracefully Karazam suddenly slipped into sight as he hurried into the corridor. Heaps of breath and stifled groans seemed to mark his speech as he brought his voice in hearing range.
"Is the lady awake?" startled like a cat thrown into the pond Shizuo nodded and his most dutiful knight rushed to the door.
Quick knocks flicked against the old wooden door, and only faintly Shizuo perceived Izaya's voice.
He had allowed entrance.
For Karazam.
And somehow Shizuo felt the need to follow immediately.
"My king?" Having turned without a word or answer to the maid's questions the ladies seemed quite confused and quickly spoke as if to remind their king about the current topic of discussion.
But Shizuo had no idea what to do with this offer. Whether to disregard it, accept it- was it right to get mad over it? He usually would as he hated the church and anything connected to it.
And yet right now his brain's capacity was exceeding the space needed to react.
"I will think about it," he quickly uttered and the maids nodded in unison.
"Craigh told me you are having a fever, are you okay?" Shizuo heard Karazam quicker than he laid eyes upon his worried knight.
Damp towels, herbs and anything of use had been placed upon the small mirror cabinet in the corner of the room.
"With your treatment? Better already," Shizuo heard Izaya speak and somehow it caused his stomach to flip.
Not in an unpleasant way, but rather inexperienced.
His eyes laid upon his fake queen, this brother searching for his sisters, the traitor- and somehow Shizuo found his breath still upon his sight as he took his features in as though he had never seen Izaya before.
Eyes vibrant with life gazed at Karazam. Gentleness paired with joy moved Izaya's lips and the two exchanged words which's meaning never quite reached Shizuo's ears.
It was suffocating to stay in the same room as Izaya, and yet so oddly invigorating. He felt like he was nearing a fire. Burning with mesmerizing patterns of glimmering flames and sparks it was too beautiful to look away, too mesmerizing to stop approaching, despite knowing getting too close would sear his flesh off his bones.
What was this sensation? This burning desire?
Nothing had changed and yet he felt like everything did.
Karazam was rambling words of motherly nature and Izaya served replies appreciating the care. They were happy. Both of them.
It was obvious as daylight.
"I brought what Shinra told me to gather. Some soup would probably be a good idea, or water, do you want me to bring water?" Karazam asked, as the first sentence that Shizuo was able to make sense of, and Izaya smiled.
"Water would be nice."
As if having received the most important order of the day, Karazam who had been crouching on the floor to arrange the many herbs he was settling down inside the chamber, rose from the ground.
"Just a second!" he announced with the giddy excitement of a kitten having discovered the nature of treats and hurried past Shizuo.
The king remained frozen in place, unable to take part in this conversation and yet suddenly he found himself alone with Izaya and realized with a sudden emotion of dread that it was his turn to talk.
"He reminds me of Mika. In a weird way," Izaya chuckled as he let his head sink back into the cushion. Despite only having woken up, Shizuo's fake queen was exhausted.
Of course.
The fear of what the healer might do, the relief over not having worsened his situation and the supposed effects of his so-called holy gift had drained him more than he probably liked to admit.
Lips heavy, but intentions strong enough to lift them Shizuo approached the bed with unknown caution. "I can see that."
As if having cursed himself, Shizuo suddenly found Izaya turning his head to look at him. A smile, gentle, happy and so unrivaled mesmerizing played along his lips as he looked at the king.
"Did you thank him?"
For a second Shizuo found himself considering the option to leave. Leave right now. Leave before he messed up what they had.
Did they even have something?
What was something?
Izaya was here. Izaya was suffering.
A feeling most unpleasant, scolding Shizuo worse than glowering iron searing his skin reminded the king of his god damned position. He was here to help Izaya get better. Izaya knew nothing of his intentions. Of what he was thinking about. What he shouldn't be thinking about and Shizuo's mood soured.
It took him a full moment of silence to understand that Izaya was talking about the priest and Shizuo cursed the second Izaya had tried to show him his so-called gift.
"Yeah. Now he wants you to come to church for some useless prayer," Shizuo spoke slowly, and the deepest frown grazed his face while speaking.
Izaya hummed, noting that despite the healer's visit, Shizuo's opinion of the church and its members was not going to change just because of one capable member.
Fatigue and light drowsiness was slowly starting to clutch Izaya's mind and he sighed as he let his head sink further into the cushion.
A communal prayer, huh?
He had heard of them before. Ironically enough his father had also never been a fan of church. Most due to his strong belief in wealth and the hoarding of the same. Priests and believers were all about sharing and that was about the last thing the duke was going to do.
Despite that Izaya had of course heard of the customs and traditions used from some of their maids.
A communal prayer was usually led by a highpriest along with a large mass of people. From what Izaya understood, the larger number was believed to increase the odds of being heard by god. It made sense in a way, if you believed in god in the first place, that is.
Glancing at Shizuo Izaya could only guess what was going on in his mind. His expression spoke of an emotion similar to anger and regret. It was easy to attribute it to his later mother and the priests unable to save her from her fate.
Eyes growing soft, Izaya lowered his voice to a gentler tone.
"They are just trying their best to help," he whispered, but somehow the king's mood didn't improve.
"By looking at the sky like idiots, hoping for a miracle and forcing you to leave the mansion?" Bitterness swirled in Shizuo's eyes even more than Izaya expected and he blinked.
Shizuo had never been the type to disregard intentions. Yet right now he seemed awfully dismissive. In both word and mind as he had failed to meet Izaya's eyes even once.
Was he deliberately trying to not look at him? Why?
Regret filled Izaya's mind as he drew the most logical conclusion. This conversation right now had to bear some kind of similarity to his mother's death. That had to be the reason he was trying to avoid even glancing at him.
It was hard. This entire situation. Nothing but a reminder of previous pain.
"...well, we can't just not appear," Izaya tried gently with a voice made for angels appearing before startled children, "You are the king. And the majority of your folks believe in those silly tales."
Sounds of birds chirping at the window served as a pleasant filler for the silence that followed and Izaya's gaze lowered to the rim of his blanket. "Remember the dragonslayer?" he asked, referring to the story Shizuo had told him about how stones and fog had created the illusion of danger. He expected no answer to the question as he was sure Shizuo could follow and continued. "That's what church is for most of them. An explanation for something they don't understand," he elaborated. "It takes away their fear and gives them hope."
Hope, huh?
Shizuo was no idiot.
He knew what Izaya was talking about. He knew it was wiser to appear at this communal prayer than to turn down the request.
It wasn't even the request itself that aggravated his nerves.
"... are you telling me we should meet this guy?" he sighed after a while of inspecting the floor's wooden planks to perfection and raised his head.
His arms remained crossed, as if to guard himself from what was gliding through his armor without resistance as he met Izaya's face.
A smile. So pure and elevating to the point it should be called illegal was radiating off Izaya's expression.
"As the king and queen, yes," Izaya spoke with the softest voice, and the guilt Shizuo felt only tripled. "And who knows maybe his prayer will help."
Izaya obviously thought he was the one to blame for Shizuo's mood.
He thought his illness had soured Shizuo's expression.
That wasn't the case.
Not at all.
If anything, Shizuo was glad.
Nothing but relief filled his mind when he looked at Izaya. His complexion had improved just slightly. Whether that was due to the healer or simply an effect of Izaya's improved mood was something Shizuo couldn't tell.
All he knew was that his fake queen finally held hope in his eyes. Hope, and a glint of what Shizuo had seen back at the fireplace.
When they were still at their castle. The first night after revealing Izaya's true nature.
The way Izaya had sat on that carpet in a manner largely unfitting for a woman suddenly replayed in Shizuo's head in a vastly different light and he swallowed.
Back then Izaya had been laughing. Joking around. He had been carefree.
For all his healers were worth shit this one actually seemed to have accomplished something as it brought back the sensation Shizuo had felt back then.
As if on cue the king touched his cheek and the scratch barely worth mentioning that Craigh had left on his face.
Right.
It was gone.
That was a fact that had somehow escaped his attention as all he saw had been Izaya's face in front of his.
And suddenly Shizuo cursed his emotions. His urges and unfitting desire.
This stupid obsession over matters of no importance.
He wanted to kiss Izaya.
So what?
The day Shizuo took him to the watchtower and felt as though he was seeing death personified sitting on Izaya's shoulders came back with full force and Shizuo remembered what it was that he truly wanted.
He wanted Izaya to get better.
Shizuo wanted to protect him.
Take him.
Run as far away as possible, far enough to outrun the pain Izaya was feeling.
What he felt didn't change any of this.
And so his arms finally unlocked and he dropped the useless guard he had been keeping as he walked over to Izaya's bed.
It was a thoughtless motion with no excuse or reason when Shizuo reached for Izaya's hand and pulled it into his own.
"Shizuo?" Izaya blinked in mild surprise but not a shred of rejection and somehow it was as if the fog in Shizuo's mind had suddenly cleared.
Why was it that whenever Izaya spoke all of insecurities suddenly seemed to fade away? He didn't know. All he felt was the image of a clear pond mirroring the sky in unwavering peace.
Nothing had changed.
Be it before they arrived at lord Hebaron's mansion or after. He cared for Izaya, to varying degrees.
Who said the intensity of that emotion was of importance?
"When you say it's smart to visit then we will," Shizuo finally spoke, and this time he met Izaya's eyes and it did not feel like betrayal to do so and his expression softened into one of relief and gentleness. "But tomorrow. You are in no condition to get out of bed today."
Seeing the king's expression soften, Izaya felt relieved more than anything else as he sighed with a light smile on his lips.
"Is that an order?" he lightly joked and Shizuo nodded.
"I'm afraid it is," Hesitation marked his words and for a second the king seemed about to say more, but decided against it as he lowered his gaze. "Sorry."
But Izaya smiled. "It's fine."
He was glad Shizuo seemed to have reverted to his usual demeanor. Whatever it was that had been weighing on the king's mind, it seemed he had managed to disperse the thought.
It was then that a quick flick of knocks met the wooden door in fast succession in a manner only one of Shizuo's knights would.
Body stiffening, the king let go of Izaya's hand and moved to the door.
Carlyle was the knight revealed upon entrance and he quickly spoke without further adue. "My lord, sorry for the disturbance, but Alaric returned with some news regarding the disappearances," the words were whispered quietly, intended to only reach Shizuo's ears, but the chamber was much quieter than expected and Izaya caught their content nonetheless.
A short glance was cast towards his fake queen and Izaya smiled. "Go. I will sleep, as ordered by my king."
to be continued~
C: C:
Oh my, oh my, things are finally starting to look interesting between these two C: xD I warn you this is a slow burn story (gasp you don't say) BUT I can also tell you, the peak of that slow burn is not as far away as you might think xDD
With that being said, see you next Saturday C: