THIS IS A BIG CHAPTER ... wil they or wont they finally get it together?! mmm. what do you think?
TW Death.
Olivia sat by Evie's bed in the silence, listening to the numbing tone of the wooshing sound of a machine breathing for her. She had given up trying to contact Trevor – it didn't matter now anyway, she was gone.
She wiped away tears that wouldn't stop streaming down her face.
She knew Trevor was going to be devastated; she hadn't been treating Evie for long but had quickly developed a soft spot for her. Trevor often spoke about her – one of his favourites, the way that Maisy was hers. She knew that Trevor was going to be angry with himself for not picking up, for being a little MIA.
He had taken two days off for a cousin who had come to visit from Pennsylvania. She had urged him to take the time, to do some leisure activities instead of forcing his cousin to wait around for him. In a way, Olivia was tormented by her own guilt. She knew that he and his cousin were having a big night out, he had implored her to come, but she wanted to give him some time to spend with his family.
She heaved a deep sigh, and stared at the lifeless child in front of her and began to wonder what she had gotten herself in to with the job. All around her was imminent death and heart ache and she wasn't sure that she was strong enough.
There was a soft knock at the door that interrupted her thoughts. Olivia wiped her eyes that had began to sting a little from her mascara.
She turned around to find Meghan. She gave her a weak smile. "Do you want me to get you a warm drink or something?" she wondered.
Olivia said nothing, she just shook her head, afraid that if she uttered a word she would break down.
"I've gone ahead and cancelled all of your consults today, if you need to go home we've got you."
Olivia wiped fresh tears. She cleared her throat. "Thanks…" she said in what was an almost inaudible whisper – it was all that she could manage.
Meghan took a step inside and pulled up a chair beside Olivia. "Trevor's on his way, he tried calling you..."
Olivia almost flinched when she felt the nurse's hand touching her shoulder. "Does he know?" she asked, her voice cracking.
"No…" Meghan replied, "It's something he needs to hear face-to-face. Do you want to tell him? Or would you like me to?"
"I will," she sniffed. "I was with her all night so…"
"You didn't do anything wrong, Liv, you did everything right, even Evie's parents told you that."
Olivia nodded. "I know…" she let a tear map its way down her face. "It just sucks…" she grabbed for another tissue and balled it up after dabbing at her eyes. "And it sucks that Trevor wasn't here, I can't stop thinking about how devastated he's going to be-" she stopped bothering trying to blot away her tears, they kept flowing and each time she thought she was done, they began again.
"He will be comforted that you were with her instead, Liv, he trusts your skills as much as he trusts his own."
"Thanks Meghan," Olivia whispered.
"Let me know if you want or need anything, okay?"
She nodded and whispered a thank you.
/
"Where's Dr Benson?" Trevor asked. He was holding her coffee.
"Trevor, she's in Evie's room, but I think you should leave the coffee here," Meghan informed him. He was looking casual in a pair of jeans and a black sports jacket. He looked confused. "Is everything okay?"
Meghan knew Olivia wanted to tell him, but she knew the other doctor was so affected. He figured out pretty quickly upon seeing her hesitance that something was amiss. He placed the two coffee's down and turned to head down the hall before Meghan could say another word.
He felt tightness overcome him as he neared the child's room. He knew something was wrong. He let himself in to the room and heard the sounds of the machine before he saw it. He stepped around the drawn curtain to find Olivia holding the child's hand, sitting close in a leather chair with her head slumped at an angle, staring at her. Tears stained her face.
She sat up quickly as soon as she saw Trevor. "Trev…"
"What happened?" he asked, he went around to the opposite side of the bed. "Liv… why didn't you-" he stopped himself because he knew she did try to call. "I'm so sorry," he apologized quickly, "I tried to do-" he couldn't finish the sentence because he didn't even know what to say.
He began to take the child's obs despite the fact that knew it was useless. "Were you here?" he asked, "what happened?"
He was finding it hard to breathe.
Olivia stood up and slowly made her way around to the other side of the where he stood at a loss for what to do. She reached for him, holding her hands out, taking his arm. "I was with her," she confirmed softly.
"She was okay!" he exclaimed, angered and even more frustrated that there was no one to blame, only himself. He thought of how she often asked for him when she was in distress or in pain and he couldn't bear the idea of Evie being scared and wanting him to comfort her and assure her that she was okay.
"She wasn't—" Olivia shook her head. "She wasn't okay, Trevor but this isn't anyone's fault."
"Someone should have come and got me," he remarked even though he knew that it was ridiculous to even suggest. He ran his fingers through his hair feeling a flood of heat wash over him. He could feel his face reddening and he did everything he could not to let the grief overcome him. "Her Mom and Dad…"
"They came before…" her voice trailed off. "They've gone home to get the other kids…" Olivia was some how able to reach deep down within her to find the bravery to pull her composure together to support him, she knew he needed her and that there wouldn't have been anyone else that he would have shared his feelings with. "They're coming back so that everybody gets a chance to say goodbye," she informed him.
"Could you please…" he wasn't even able to look at her, fearing that if he saw her blood shot eyes and her tear-stained face that he would lose his composure too. He cleared his throat, "could you please just give me a moment?"
Olivia nodded. "Of course…"
/
"I'm sorry," Clare hissed at Olivia as she headed to her office. She was about to ask why when she saw Maisy and her Mom sitting in the waiting chairs just outside of her office. Maisy was her first out patient of the day.
She knew there was no way to disguise the fact that she had been crying for hours. She wiped her eyes dry and cleared her throat, dabbing at her nose with a tissue.
"Oh no," Holly, Maisy's mother remarked, "Dr Benson, we are so sorry, we only got the message that you needed to cancel as we arrived—"
"No, no it's okay," Olivia tried to smile but she could feel how swollen her face was.
"No, it's certainly not okay…We'll go home, you're clearly in no condition to be seeing Maisy today."
Olivia looked to Maisy and smiled at her through her water-filled eyes. "Hi honey."
"I'm sorry you're sad Olivia," she said softly. "Are you okay?"
Olivia took a step toward the little girl and nodded. "I'm fine, Maisy, it's just been a tough night but thanks for asking."
"We are happy to reschedule whenever it's appropriate."
"Thanks, I'm really sorry," Olivia apologised. She took a step away back toward the mother, "I lost a patient overnight," she said quietly so that Maisy didn't hear.
Holly placed her hand on Olivia's arm and gave it a little squeeze. "I'm so sorry… Can we bring you anything?"
"No," Olivia shook her head, "I'm so sorry, this is really unprofessional of me."
"No," Holly said quickly giving her a smile. "It just shows that you're human and how much you care about the kids and I think that's beautiful, Olivia."
"Thanks," she replied a little humbled. "I appreciate that, but still, I'm very sorry I can't see Maisy, sorry that she took the day off school."
"That's totally fine, Maisy and I will have a fun day together," she smiled over at her daughter, "won't we, baby?"
Maisy smiled and nodded. She said goodbye to them and made the rest of the journey to her office to sit for a little while and rest on the patient couch until Trevor was ready to talk. She hadn't slept at all and was only glad for the advice Trevor had given her about making sure she always had a spare set of clothes at work.
She grabbed the throw that was on the back of the couch and wrapped it around herself and got comfortable. She answered a few phone messages and saw a bunch of Trevor's that she'd missed.
/
Olivia woke up to a soft knock on her office door. She sat up quickly and smoothed her hair and stood up, rushing to her desk. "Come on in," she called, clearing her throat, trying to seem like she hadn't been dozing.
"Hi Olivia, Evie's parents are here with her siblings, Trevor just thought that you might like to know." It was Meghan. "You look exhausted Liv, would you like me to get you a coffee?"
"That would be amazing, thank you Meegs," she gave the nurse a smile, "I'll get you some money…"
"Liv, don't worry about it…" Meghan replied as the doctor got up from her desk and followed her out. Olivia's legs felt heavy and she felt herself filling with dread as she made her way back in to the patient's room.
Trevor had managed to pull himself together but she could see the stricken-look upon his face, saddened by his loss and was helping the parents console their other three children. He had a five-year-old in his arms while the two parents stood over the two older children on either side of the bed.
"Its okay," Trevor comforted the little boy who cried in to his shoulder. Olivia made her way over, "do you need a hand?" she asked him softly.
He shook his head but felt glad for her presence. They allowed the family to have a few moments. The two older girls stood over their sister, resting their heads on her, saddened by the loss but not quite having been struck by the gravity of saying a forever goodbye.
The father that Olivia had met earlier turned to Trevor. "Aaron," he cocked his head to the side, turning to his son, wiping tears from his eyes. "Its okay son…" he soothed him. Trevor handed the small boy over, feeling Olivia's hand at his waist. It was just a tiny gesture of affection but it meant a lot to him – through it she acknowledged that he was having a hard time too, but signifying that she was there for him.
He glanced at her, trying to smile with registration but it came out as more of a grimace. He was trying his best to hold it together but he was desperate to be alone – to cry, to scream and to shout and to question his line of work, to wonder if it was where he was supposed to be.
"I think that we'll give your family some time," Olivia took control of the situation, she told Evie's parents softly. "Please feel free to spend as much time here as you wish," she added, "and if you need anything, please press the nurses button and I'll be available if any one of you wish to chat."
Evie's mother thanked Olivia and Trevor. She grabbed Trevor's arm and pulled him out.
/
Meghan spotted the two doctors and came at them with a coffee each. "Thanks Meegs," she thanked her with a smile. Trevor, still shell-shocked took it. None of the nurses had seen him so visibly affected before. "Come on," she told him, "come and have a sit in my office with me," she suggested but it came out as more of a command.
A little dazed, Trevor followed her, the coffee seemed unusually hot, his fingers felt sensitive. He looked down and could see it shaking in his hands; without warning he dropped it and stood transfixed as he watched it fall to the linoleum – the cup exploding and coffee splattering everywhere almost in slow motion. Olivia jumping out of the way brought him back to reality.
"Shit!" he cursed, "I'm sorry!"
"Its okay," she said, realizing he was in bad shape. "Don't worry about it, I'll fix it up-"
"No, I'll just get-"
"Trevor," she began firmly, "it's fine, go and have a seat in my office, I'll be there in a moment. Please," she glanced up, her eyes meeting with his. They were glassing over. He listened and turned, peeling his gaze from Olivia and made his way to her office without a word.
"Is everything okay?" Clare asked, looking down at the spill.
"Yeah, just an accident," she smiled.
"Don't worry about it Liv, I'll get an orderly to come and clean it up."
"Thanks Clare…" she smiled weakly and headed toward her office, taking a big sip of her coffee on the way.
/
Trevor observed Olivia closing her office door. "I shouldn't have had the time off," he blurted out. He was sitting on the patient's couch. She came to sit beside him and slumped back just the way he was.
"Trev, it's done – you don't get to beat yourself up over this," she said softly, taking his hand in both of hers. The sheer size of it dwarfed both of hers. His fingers curled around her own.
"I should have been there…" his voice trailed off, "she must have been so frightened."
"I was with her," she said softly, "the whole time, I held her hand through the first seizure, we called everyone down and rushed her for a CT and I talked her through it," she explained. She did ask for you and she asked for her Mom and Dad and I tried calling you…"
"That kills me," he whispered before his throat closed up. He knew he couldn't say another word.
"I got her Mom and Dad here so fast and we took her back to her room and she had another seizure and it caused a severe brain bleed and… here we are… but its not your fault and you being here wouldn't have changed a thing. Her parents were with her and I had to be her doctor but I was totally fine with that, Trev…I did what you would do for her, I took care of her the way that I thought you would."
She felt his hand squeeze hers. "Are you okay?" he asked her quietly.
"Yeah… I'm okay, thanks," she nodded, staring ahead out the window behind her desk chair. The sunlight was blinding even though it was still early. "I'm just tired and emotional."
He let go of her hand and slipped an arm around her, pulling her close to him. She rested her head in the crook of his shoulder. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have had to deal with that… while I was out drinking like a fucking fish, throwing my responsibilities-"
"Trevor stop," Olivia replied, "just stop—shit happens okay, Evie was sick, we didn't want to see how much but she had limited time, deep down we both knew that."
He rested his cheek upon Olivia's forehead. "You're right…" he sighed.
They sat in silence for a few moments while Olivia wiped her cheeks. He understood that she was more affected than she dared let on. "Liv, I'm sorry that you lost a patient on your watch, I know it's really hard…" In a way he felt as though he'd let her down – as if she shouldn't have had to endure losing Evie, that that was not her path but his. He wasn't even sure if she was ready for it after all that she told him.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't here and that you had to deal with it, I feel terrible about that."
"Don't…" she replied, "Please don't worry about me, I'm upset because I lost a life on my watch and she was such a sweet kid but I don't blame you, Trevor, if anything I am so sorry that regardless how awful it is to be present when someone loses their life, as doctors, we want to be there anyway and you didn't get to be and she was your favorite."
"I know..."
Another knock on the door. Both doctors were deflated and didn't bother hiding their affections for one another – despite labelling themselves as friends, they often limited their physical interactions but Trevor was well aware he wasn't fooling anyone, but for Olivia's sake, he went along with what she asked.
"Come in," she called with a sigh.
Meghan poked her head in the doorway. If she was surprised to see Trevor's arm around her she didn't flinch. "Guys, I'm so sorry to interrupt," she whispered, "I just have Maisy and Holly Bechael back, they would like to know if you have just a minute or so to spare."
Olivia sat forward as did Trevor, realizing how close they looked. "Yeah…" she murmured, "you can send them in, that's fine…" she stood up and smoothed down her dress that she really wanted to change from in to some pajamas and have a good sleep.
Meghan stepped aside and told Olivia's patient to go right through. "Hi Olivia, we are so sorry to bother you again," Holly apologised in spite of herself, glancing to the right of the doorway where she clocked Trevor looking tired and despondent.
"Hi Dr. Trevor," Maisy lifted her hand and waved. He mustered up his best smile and waved back.
"Hi Maisy, how are you?" he asked but Holly read the room immediately.
"Dr Trevor, Olivia, so sorry – we didn't want to interrupt."
Olivia shook her head and gave them both a smile. She saw Maisy holding a bunch of flowers. "These are for you, Liv," Maisy advanced toward her therapist, "we are sorry you're so sad about your patient."
"Oh," Olivia felt herself choking up as she took the beautiful yellow roses from the little girl. "Thank you so much, Maisy," she crouched down to the tiny eleven-year-old and grabbed her hand, drawing her closer. "This means so much to me, they're so beautiful and thoughtful. Thank you." Maisy stepped in to Olivia, wrapping her small, thin arms around her and giving her a hug. Olivia closed her eyes and felt thankful for small mercies – for the goodness that came with the heartbreak of her job.
"We know you both probably haven't slept yet," Holly announced as Olivia blinked away her tears. The mother regarded Trevor with a smile, "so there's some stuff in here…" she nodded toward a little basket that was wrapped over. "You guys do such a wonderful job of taking care of everyone, but please remember to take care of yourselves too…"
The card on the front of the basket was addressed to the entire ward and nothing about it was little. "Maisy, why don't you go ahead and give this to Dr. Trevor…"
"Thank you Holly," Olivia smiled with great appreciation, "this was so kind of you both, you didn't have to but thank you so much." She hugged the thoughtful parent and glanced at Trevor who Maisy had wrapped her arms around.
"Thank you Maisy, this is wonderful…" he told her as he pulled away. She smiled at him a little bashfully before re-joining her mother.
"I hope you hear it enough, that what you both do here—it's always appreciated, thank you." She glanced from Olivia to Trevor.
"Thank you," Trevor smiled back, "it does help to hear that, especially on days like today."
Holly nodded and put her arm around her daughter. Both Olivia and Trevor were aware that she was thinking of her own daughter's long-term health as her mind lingered toward the kind of care that she'd want for Maisy.
"We'll let you get back to it, please get some sleep, Olivia…"
Maisy waved, "Bye Liv, bye Dr Trevor…"
"It's just Trevor," he corrected her with a warm smile, "Bye guys, thank you."
/
"You should go home and get some sleep, Holly is right, you need to take care of yourself too." Trevor told Olivia kindly.
"What's the point?" she asked with an exhalation of frustration, "I won't be able to sleep, I'll just dig myself in to a hole of self-pity," she blurted out with jarring honesty.
"Why don't you come back to my place and hang out with my cousin and I?" he asked, "he was going to visit his friend today and we made loose plans to go to dinner and a few drinks tonight…"
"No, I don't want to get in the way of you and your cousin bro-ing out," she managed a smile, "thanks though."
"No, really… he won't be back until late afternoon so you could just hang out until then if you like…"
It was tempting to Olivia, she really didn't want to be alone but she didn't want to constantly get herself in the habit of blurring the lines with Trevor. He could see her thinking about it, tossing it up in her head. "We can stop past your place so you can get a change of clothes and something to eat dinner in in case you change your mind…"
"Okay…" she agreed, "thanks Trevor," she replied.
"You're welcome. I might go and speak to Evie's parents for a few more minutes and see how they're doing, why don't you just… sit down here and finish off your coffee and relax."
/
Trevor opened the front door of his apartment and motioned for Olivia to go inside. There were a few empty beer bottles on the coffee table and a pizza box but the apartment was otherwise pristine.
"Make yourself at home…" Trevor told her.
"I kind of… just want to get changed and have a shower, is that okay?" she asked him.
"Yeah, of course. Let me see what state Christian left the shower in and I'll get you a towel and a wash cloth." Olivia took her bag with her and followed him down the hall. He stuck his head in to the bathroom as she waited a few steps away. He returned, startled by her so close to him. She looked forlorn and exhausted.
"I'll just put your bag in my room that way you can scoot in there and change or whatever you need after your shower…" he held out to take it for her.
"Thanks Trevor," she gave him a little smile. He wasn't convinced though. The more exhausted she became, the more he worried for her mental state. She looked ready to break down.
"Liv, are you okay?" he asked, lingering for a moment as he grabbed for a towel from the hallway cupboard. He handed it over along with a cloth to wash with.
"Yeah…" her voice trailed off. It was the way her face seemed void of emotion, her skin was pale and she avoided his eyes. She turned and headed to the bathroom and closed the door. Once away from the professionalism that she had to keep, he was concerned that the shock of losing a patient so quickly without warning had set in.
He worried for her. Losing a patient was a risk of his job but it didn't get any easier. He felt a little numb; in disbelief but he knew that for Olivia, losing a life had elements of trauma attached as well as a possible feeling of being at fault just as she felt about the first loss that she had encountered under the eye of her mentor.
He tidied up the living area and texted his cousin. He let him know that Olivia had arrived and would be spending time with them, that he was not to make it awkward and had informed him that they'd lost a patient. Christian understood to some degree; he had been a paramedic since he left college and had recently began to pursue medicine at Trevor's encouragement.
He made himself another coffee and ate a few graham crackers, staring in to space, wondering what the hell had happened.
He texted with his cousin back and forth for a little bit while he drank his coffee. He realized it had been awhile and he couldn't hear the running water anymore. He put his mug in the sink and headed to the hall to check on her.
The bathroom door was open. He continued the rest of the way down the hall. His door was open. He went to take a step in, wondering where she got to. He found her sitting at the end of the bed in a matching black bra and pants set, leaning over and holding her face in her hands. Copping an eyeful of her breasts almost spilling from the cups of her bra, he averted his eyes. "Shit!" he cursed, "sorry Liv—" realising that she was ready to begin sobbing, his apology extinguished mid-sentence. He let himself in and grabbed the robe from the hook by his door that he almost never wore. He draped it over her shoulders and sat down beside her if only for his own benefit.
"Liv, it's okay…" he murmured, wrapping his arms around her. She leaned in to him and he felt her body heaving with sobs. He rubbed her back, feeling her arms find his body. She held on to him tightly. He tried to soothe her with words but he realized that she just needed to be comforted. He hadn't quite expected her to entirely let go, but understood what it was like for just one thing to be the straw that broke the camel's back.
"I'm right here…" he added before closing his mouth and letting his own body engulf her within his embrace; the thought of her being half naked was long forgotten and the only concern was whether or not she was going to be okay.
He waited patiently for her to calm down and began to stroke her hair. "I'm sorry," she apologized tearfully.
"Don't," he replied, "don't apologize, sweetheart, you've had a terrible night and you've had no sleep."
Slowly she pulled herself up and became very aware of her lack of clothes. She pulled his robe around her, thankful for his respect. She wiped her eyes. "I think I'm just over tired…"
"I'm sure you're tired, but we also endured a loss and its barely two months after Justin, so you're well within your right to feel grief or shock or whatever emotion." She wiped some fresh tears and nodded.
"Why don't you lay down in my bed and try to get a little bit of sleep… I'll go get you a drink."
She nodded, needing a second to pull herself together.
/
Trevor fetched Olivia a glass of orange juice. When he returned, she was beneath the covers of the bed, laying on his side. He didn't mind, he was glad that she felt comfortable. He tried not to think about her laying beneath the blankets in her underwear with so much exposed skin.
"Thanks…" she replied, she half sat up and guzzled down the glass in just a few short mouthfuls.
"Do you need anything else?" he wondered.
She stared at him for a moment as if she were considering something. He watched her eyes fill up again before she began to promptly blink the film of water back. "Could you just… lay beside me?"
Without a word he slipped his shoes off and got on top of the bed covers and inched close to her. Her hair wasn't wet, she must have tied it back while she showered, but the hair around the frame of her face was damp causing tiny little baby curls that he only noticed as he got closer. "I can't believe she's gone…" she blurted out loud. "I was just about to leave… Clare told me she'd asked for one of us so I just …" she sighed, "I popped my head in and she complained of those little eye seizures again," Olivia rubbed her eyes. It felt as though they had granules of sand in them. She was so exhausted.
"Olivia, you know this wasn't your fault, right?" he asked sincerely. He didn't want her to internalise it or think that there was something that she could have done to prevent it.
"Logically I know I did everything by the book. I called downstairs, I ordered an emergency CT, but by the time they got her in she'd had another seizure, I called her parents and they came right in and spent some time with her," she sighed realizing she'd already repeated the story to him earlier, "then when the seizure happened again and it lasted for far too long and when it was done with she was out like a light…" she told him, trying to be matter-of-fact, but it hurt that she couldn't save her. It hurt that she had cried for Dr. Trevor, but she wasn't about to tell him that.
She guessed he already felt bad enough.
"What you said earlier was correct, we are acting like this is a shock, but it shouldn't be, she was very sick and we should have known it was on the cards," Trevor replied. Olivia scooted over, closing the distance between them – now only a blanket separated them. He slipped an arm beneath her head and she curled up against him.
"I know, but it still sucks…" she remarked.
He stared at the ceiling deep in thought as he stroked her hair absently. "She was a really good kid and as I always say, she deserved better."
"All of them do…"
"They do," he agreed.
They both laid together with their own thoughts. Olivia found her tears uncontrollable; usually she had no problem keeping her composure but the ease of which she found Trevor's company made her a little more vulnerable than usual.
"Oh, Liv…" he murmured, turning to face her.
She managed a laugh to relieve the tension. "At this point, I don't even know why I'm crying…"
"Because your only experience losing a patient that you've worked on in a medical sense has been severely traumatic and I'm sure this brings up feelings of some sort," he told her.
"You should leave the therapy to me," she joked despite the fact that they both knew he was right. He kissed her forehead affectionately.
"Olivia, you're a great therapist and I am sure an even better medical doctor. I trust in everything you did and sometimes shit happens, sometimes despite how best efforts, we don't win it all."
"I don't know if I'm cut out for this…" she admitted.
"Maybe not," he shrugged, "this Children's ward isn't for everyone, but if that's the case it just means that you know your limits, it is a lot and sometimes it is too much."
"I don't want to give up just because it got hard," she replied.
"Then just take a few days to breathe and gather yourself…" he suggested.
"I just want to forget about it," she shook her head. "I just want to be able to think of something else," she cut him off.
"I can let you sleep if you like…" his voice trailed off.
She considered it for a moment and lifted her head to look in to his beautiful, concerned pale-green eyes. He was such a sight, she thought to herself. She loved his crooked mouth that turned up in to the making of a little smile. He was such a handsome man that sometimes it really was hard to peel her eyes off of him. She reached up, freeing an arm from beneath the covers and stroked his prickly salt-and-pepper stubble that lined the hard angles of his jaw.
"No…" she murmured, shaking her head, "I am exhausted but I don't think I can sleep…"
Trevor tried to ignore the feel of her soft touch brushing against his jaw. He was very aware of the gentle swiping of her thumb back and forth along his cheek as she stared at him with her big brown eyes.
"Liv, what's happening between us?" he asked her, he was confused by his own feelings.
"I just…" she paused, averting her eyes away from his, "I just want you to make me forget…"
"Wha…" he stared at her, trying to figure out what she meant by it. "Liv, what are you asking me?"
Her hands slipped to his thick neck, scooting up just a tiny bit until her mouth met his. He pulled away instantly. "Olivia, I'm sorry-" he started but her mouth found his again and he felt himself weakening slightly as he pushed himself into the kiss but broke it off.
"Okay," she replied simply but he could tell that she felt rejected and a little embarrassed and there were more tears again. She blinked them away. "I'm sorry, I should go home, I didn't mean to put you in a weird position…."
"No-" he stopped her, "I just… I don't want to take advantage of you and I don't want you to feel resentful of me," he admitted and she could see the concern written in to the worry lines of his forehead.
"Why can't you just not question it like every other asshole man I've ever had sex with?" she asked, half-amused.
Trevor chuckled, relieved for a second. "Because I respect you …" he paused, pushing himself to say it, "and I really like you and I want you to feel safe with me, not second guessing my motives, you've had enough of that in your life…"
She let out a deep sigh and turned back to face him. "Now you're just making me want you more…"
He smiled at her and rested his hand upon her cheek. He couldn't get over how soft her skin was, he could barely keep his hands off of her when they were alone. He was always finding ways to hold her hand, put an arm around her, or even just to be touching shoulders. Despite doubting that she shared similar feelings of affection for him, she always reciprocated his gestures and knew that if anything it was purely for comfort from her side.
"I like you," he told her again, knowing it was a risk. He lifted himself slightly, his lips approaching hers until they aligned. Olivia lifted her own head to kiss him back hard and passionately.
She wasn't sure exactly what he was saying and didn't want to get her hopes up – a man that showed her interest who wasn't an asshole, who considered her feelings, who didn't instantly try to get her in to bed the second they were alone.
"I like you too," she replied, as she broke the kiss, letting her head fall back on to the pillow, happy to let his eyes linger over her face. "I trust you, you're the only man I trust," she admitted in a whisper.
"Do you feel safe with me?" he asked, his hands resting on her exposed shoulders. She gazed in to his eyes as she felt his fingertips brushing along the skin of her sternum. She licked her lips, moistening them from how dry they had become, thinking about him undressing her. She could see that his desire for her was outweighing the concerns he had about taking advantage of her.
"I feel very safe with you… I just… really want you," she blurted out with the hint of frustration to her tone. "Don't you want me too?" she asked him in a small vulnerable voice as if she was afraid that he might actually not.
She could hear his breathing shorten. She knew he had weakened, she could see it written all over his face that his concern had left him, that his desire to give her what she wanted had outweighed all sensibility. He nodded as his eyes trained upon her lips. "Yeah…" he whispered as he slowly brushed them along hers, feeling their softness and letting his eyes fall closed for just a brief second. "Yeah," he said again, "I want you too…"
He kissed her again before settling beside her, wanting to savour every moment of the woman beside him that he knew he had been falling for since she arrived on the job.
"You should shut the door—just in case," she told him, hating the thought of his cousin arriving back early and walking in on them.
Through his racing heart and his quickened breath, he knew that she was right. It also gave him a second to calm himself down. He took his time, closing the bedroom door and hitting the press-lock on the knob. He turned back to Olivia and gave her a little smile, feeling a little bashful and for the first time with a woman, a little unsure of himself. She made him nervous; perhaps it was how much he craved her or just how at-ease she seemed with the idea of being with him.
He made his way back over to the bed as she kicked off the covers, exposing just how skimpy her soft, black lacy underwear was in the natural light when he paid attention to them. "Wow…" he remarked. He let his eyes drink her in, sweeping them over her shapely thighs and smooth, flat stomach that was a little lighter than the rest of her body. He felt a little woozy as his eyes fell upon the smooth, rounded flesh that filled the cups of her bra.
He felt his pants become a little tighter; he met her eyes and saw a tiny suspicion of a smile upon her lips. He couldn't help but to smile back at her as he climbed on to the bed. Olivia felt warmed by the way he seemed to take her in, his eyes hooded with a little lust and while he seemed serious, there was an element of nervousness that she found to be charming.
She trusted him more than she'd trusted any other man before. She knew him to be kind and caring and intense and she knew whatever she asked of him, he would do.
"Can I just tell you something?" he asked as he slid halfway beneath the covers beside her.
"Yeah…" she turned to him. His hands rested on her upper arm, smoothing its way up her shoulder to the base of her neck and back down again absently.
A smile crossed his crooked mouth as it upturned slightly at the corners. He leaned forward and kissed her. She parted her lips leading him to do the same. Trevor felt the very tip of her tongue meet with his, sparkling a tiny zap within him that hardened his penis instantly. "mmm," he hummed against her mouth.
"What were you gonna say?" she asked a little breathless as she pulled away, getting closer and raising herself slightly so that she was leaning over him. He took her face in his hands, his middle fingers tracing the skin just behind her ears, grazing against her hairline. His touch filled her body with tingles and she began to wonder just how it was that this man was so wonderful to her without question.
She watched his beautiful, intense eyes search her face. "If you…change your mind or – if…" he paused, "if you change your mind at any time or want me to stop…" he let his voice trail off.
Olivia nodded, knowing where he was headed with it. An instant flood of feeling for him – for his gentleness and his consideration and for the part of him that genuinely cared about her. She had already forgotten work for the moment and was concentrating on his eyes, his mouth and what his body would appear like beneath the fabric of his pants and shirt. "Okay," she whispered simply.
"But also…" he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, lifting his head to kiss her again briefly. "You're so fucking beautiful, Dr. Benson…you make me nervous…"
She chuckled, "I'm definitely punching above my weight here with you, but I'll take it," she joked. "Just do what you'd normally do, I'm sure you more than know what you're doing."
He laughed, "I don't have any problems with knowing what I'm doing, Dr. Benson, it's just that you…" he let his eyes travel down to the valley of her breasts leaning over him, "you are probably the hottest woman I've ever had in my bed so," he winked.
She laughed with him. "Well, you're easily the hottest guy I've been in bed with so we're even… now can you lose some clothes so I don't start feeling a little self-conscious?"
He sat forward and Olivia gave him a little space. He reached for the hem of his t-shirt and lifted it over his head to reveal a white tank-top and his muscular arms. Olivia loved that he was muscular without being too much, that he obviously worked out, but wasn't obsessed.
She grabbed his tank and began helping him by tugging it upwards until it was tossed aside.
Taking her by her waist, Trevor pushed Olivia back on to the pillow until she was laying flat, enjoying his firm hands on her skin. He climbed over her, his knees on either side of her thighs. Olivia felt his large, warm hand upon her cheek again; she felt his thumb caressing her jawline. There was something about the feel of him caressing her softly that she found thrilling – knowing that finally his touch could be boundless if that's what she wanted.
And it was what she wanted.
Now that he was shirtless and so close to her, she could smell his cologne and as he leaned over to kiss her lips in a series of short pecks, she was able to breathe in the scent of his skin. It was soapy and woodsy and a hint of spice. She knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him, she could see the desire in his eyes as he broke his soft kisses.
She reached up and curled her fingers around his at her jaw. She lifted her head to recapture the kiss, allowing his tongue to prompt her mouth open. She sank her teeth in to his lower lip which made him groan with pleasure. She let go of his hand and found her way to his shoulders. Trevor ran his fingers through her hair, scraping his fingertips along her scalp, engulfing her in pleasant chills that made gooseflesh appear over her body.
"Mmmm," she murmured, her pleasure vibrating against his mouth. His mouth made its way along her jaw very slowly, building up her anticipation. He planted open-mouthed kisses from her chin right up to her ear, catching the shell of it in between his teeth.
Olivia let her eyes close and took some deep breaths. She reached down between the short space between their hips and worked on his belt trying her hardest to match his pace. She felt him lift his hips a little more to allow her more room to work getting the buckle undone.
Olivia's hands were almost rendered useless when she felt his mouth travel its way down to her neck. She turned her head to the side to allow him more room, whimpering involuntarily. Her hands remained stationary. His mouth worked on the spot that turned her on the most leaving her skin wet from where his tongue had massaged her flesh.
Trevor wanted to take things slowly, keeping her situation in the back of his mind, wanting to allow her enough time to protest or to call it off if that was what she needed, but his kisses seemed only to spur her on. "It's okay," he told her with a little smile, reaching down between them, pushing her hands away, "I've got it, just … relax and look beautiful," he commanded her.
Olivia chuckled, removing her hands. Trevor pushed himself up on to his knees and unbuckled his own belt, pulling it out of the loops of his jeans and tossing it by the bed. Olivia admired him as she tucked both of her arms behind her head, smiling at him. He manoeuvred himself around so that he could kick his jeans off. Olivia liked his dark blue boxer-briefs, thankful that he didn't wear y-fronts or loose boxers. She could make out the generous mound restrained in his pants and knew that she wouldn't be disappointed.
"You look totally smug," he grinned at her. She could have melted, his big, comfortable grin in the afternoon light of his bedroom did things to her that she wasn't entirely surprised by. "I just want you to go back to kissing me," she replied.
"I'm just shocked that you're still dressed," he told her. "But, we'll get to that in a minute…" he added.
"I wish we would…" she replied smartly.
He leaned over and kissed her mouth. He felt her arching her back to lean in to his kiss. Everything about her was so sexy, he thought. He rested his hand upon her waist but slowly slid it down to her hip, dragging his fingertips over her skin, igniting all the nerve endings of the sensitive parts of her.
His kisses travelled down south, getting closer to her breasts – her unbelievable breasts that he couldn't wait to free of their restraints. He nipped at her skin and planted an open mouthed kiss, letting his tongue taste her flesh. Olivia felt his hands slip beneath her back, realising that he was trying to remove her bra. She lifted herself slightly, allowing him the room.
He continued to kiss her as he opened the clasp without any issue. Olivia was impressed, he didn't fumble in the slightest. He continued covering her skin in hot, open-mouthed kisses, nosing the fabric of her bra cups down as he grabbed at the straps on her shoulders, pulling them down slowly and torturously. Olivia's body screamed inside with need for him. She let out a puff of air that she'd been holding in, sucking in her stomach, arching in to him with the desire for his mouth to cover her breasts.
She felt the warmth of the sun through the window finally hit her breasts. She let out a sigh of delight that made Trevor's head a little dizzy with intoxication – it was everything; her soft flesh, the way she angled her body toward him, the smell of her – the smell of her was enough to make him sluggish and weak.
He did away with the fabric that had kept him from her perfectly plump chest that greeted him as soon as they spilled from their cups. He let out a moan from the back of his throat as his mouth covered her. He lifted his other large hand and covered the other.
Olivia cursed under her breath as his tongue swirled around her nipple and then moved on to the peak as his lips closed around it, repeating his actions hungrily. Olivia couldn't barely contain how good it felt, she reached down, grabbing his hips, pulling him closer to her so that she could feel his erection pressing against her between her legs.
Trevor could feel her hips grinding against his. He lifted his head and let out a chuckle, "Liv, stop it…" he lightly admonished her. He lifted his hips and repositioned himself between her legs a little more comfortably for both of them. Olivia laughed, liking the fact that he was playful but serious about making her feel good – and she felt so good.
"Don't you like it?" she asked, arching her eyebrow, lifting her hips to meet his again.
"Yes," he replied, leaning his forehead against hers, letting his eyes shut. He couldn't help himself, he let his hips fall in to a rhythm for a moment, rolling against hers. He couldn't wait to touch her, to explore the place where the last piece of fabric covered. He reached down and halted her hips, securing them to place, letting his mouth find hers; moist and soft and her tongue felt like velvet, finding its way around his mouth; swirling and dancing against it before slowing and enjoying the continual changing of pace.
Olivia was turned on by his breathlessness, by the feel of his erection pressing against her centre, turning her on and making her arousal evident.
He let his kisses travel again, paying attention to both of her breasts equally, letting his thumbs swipe over the soft pink peaks of her flesh, giving them attention with his warm tongue as he made his way down, down, down to the softness of her tummy. Olivia stared at the ceiling for a moment, wondering if he was going to put his mouth over her. There was a part of her that wanted it more than she could even desire, but the self-conscious part of her wasn't sure if she could be that vulnerable.
His open-mouthed kisses continued, his tongue swirling around her belly as his fingertips skimmed the surface of her thighs, reaching down further as he scooted down almost at the end of his bed. Olivia felt his hands grab the elastic of her underwear. She sucked her stomach in, feeling his mouth get closer and closer to the waistband. She buried her fingers in his thick, dark hair, lifting her knees to peaks.
"Trevor…?"
He lifted his head and glanced at her, ready to pull the plug if she felt uncomfortable. He gripped both of her thighs and she knew if she let him go one more second, she would feel his mouth upon the place where she felt conflicted about letting him journey to.
"Yes, sweetheart?" he asked.
Olivia breathed a sigh, even the use of sweetheart from his lips sent a shiver down her spine – she was having sensations from words, she thought, closing her eyes. "I don't know…" she let her voice trail off.
Trevor chuckled, fiddling with the elastic each thigh, "what don't you know?"
"I don't know about you going there…"
"No?" he questioned, surprised. "Is it too much?" he asked, genuinely wanting her consent.
"I don't know… I haven't…" she paused, "not a man… and I'm nervous," she replied and he could tell that she truly was nervous.
"I'm nervous too," he replied, "I haven't been with anyone in far too long to admit, but, you won't regret it, I haven't forgotten how to make someone come…" she lifted her head and despite his admission of being nervous, she knew he would be able to back up his words if the rest of his actions were anything to go by. He stared her down, face full of seriousness. He pushed her thigh down on to the bed, tracing patterns up and down to her centre until Olivia dropped her head back on to the pillow.
"I'm happy to stop if you're not comfortable," he told her, planting a soft kiss on the inside of her knee.
"No…" she murmured, even the inside of her knee tingled where his lips had briefly been.
"No?" he wanted her to be clear.
"Keep going…" she urged him.
He slowly let his hand creep up to the thin material and laid it flat over her the heat emanating from between her legs.
"You think you can make me come?" she asked in a whisper, trying to stop her head from spinning at the feel of his hand on the outside of her underwear.
"Mmmhmmm," he replied, planting a kiss on the inside of her opposite thigh, "I am confident that I can make you come so fucking hard that you will be happy for me to have my mouth on you any," kiss, "day," kiss, "of the," he paused and removed his hand and planted a warm, open-mouthed kiss over her fabric, "week,".
Olivia groaned with pleasure. His mouth was hot and even though his mouth was on the outside of her favourite underwear, she felt his tongue against her and she knew he would pick up on her arousal. "Let's just start by getting rid of these…" he suggested, tapping her backside gently. Olivia knew what to do, she lifted her backside and allowed him to pull her underwear down.
Suddenly she felt exposed and vulnerable and self-conscious. "Honestly, I could worship this body all day and all night… I always thought you were so fucking beautiful but clearly I had no idea," he chuckled, knowing that by nature of being naked in front of someone for the first time, it could feel confronting. He laid his hands inside of her thighs and made small circles with his thumbs, massaging her flesh avoiding touching her centre but getting as close to as possible while he kissed the inside of her knees, trying to help her relax a little.
She let out a moan that made him spasm inside of his pants. He knew he was turning her on more, her centre was slick with arousal and he could barely wait to put his mouth where the fabric had been.
He gently pushed her thighs open again and leaned over the bed pulling her further down, his urgency growing. He got to his knees, wanting to be as comfortable as possible for the time he wanted to spend on her.
The anticipation alone made Olivia squirm around and Trevor could see it. He planted a warm kiss above her opening and steadied her thighs with his hands. He took one long swipe of her, his tongue lapping up her arousal, illiciting a loud groan from Liv. He smiled to himself and did it again, seeing her legs involuntarily open wider, allowing him more room. He pulled her a little further down so that she was on the very edge of his bed, allowing him extra room to find his way around her. He covered her with his mouth, burying his tongue within her walls, swiping his way back and forth inside of her, slowly, lapping up her moisture.
Olivia tried not to move around too much but the warmth of his tongue inside her set off all the nerve endings inside of her that were already sensitive to begin with. She moaned with pleasure as he hummed inside of her, also enjoying being buried between her legs.
She felt herself totally lose her inhibitions when she felt his thumbs spreading her apart, allowing him more access to the place where she wanted his tongue to find the most. Trevor felt her tense a little. "Relax," he reminded her warmly and before she knew it, his tongue had found the bundle of nerves.
"Fuck!" she cursed loudly when his tongue met with the swollen tiny centre just tucked under her opening. Heightening her pleasure was the feeling of his long, thick fingers burying themselves within her and curling slightly. She tipped her head back and let out a soft moan.
She could hear him enjoying her, working on her clitoris, swirling his tongue around it, every now and then letting it touch the centre with a feather graze knowing that he'd have to work up to putting more pressure on it.
She tried to angle her hips to get more of him inside of her. He moved his fingers in and out of her slowly at glacial speed, enjoying how turned on she was, how her aroused she was and how his tongue seemed to be bringing her undone.
Olivia felt her skin tingling and her mind free of any other single thought but him and the overwhelming sensations that were taking place as he teased her, licked her, sucked on her, paying more attention to her than any man ever had. She knew he was in to it, that he liked the idea of her losing her composure, she could tell by how his mouth entirely covered her, how he enjoyed making sounds with his mouth, letting the reverberations of his mouth echo inside of her.
She throbbed as his fingers hit the spot that no one else's could without a little help of a toy or an actual penis – which she was looking forward to him burying within her. She couldn't help but quiver beneath him, her mind completely losing control of her body. She felt his lips around the hard bud at her opening with his tongue stroking it, licking her and jumbling any coherent thoughts that were trying to take place in her brain.
There was no more room for vulnerability or insecurity it had been done away with, with his special attention and his consideration. She could tell that he took notice of how her body responded to him because if it seemed like something she reacted too strongly to, he took it down a notch and worked up to it. She felt so close to coming as a tingling feeling took over her. She took some slow and steady breaths as she tried not to tense her body beneath him.
"Trevor," she whispered urgently, "Trev, I'm going to…" she moaned, losing her composure, her body convulsing beneath him, as she whimpered and moaned. Trevor grinned and continued swiping the length of her with his tongue as she her hips jolted as though being jolted with electricity. She tensed and relaxed and bucked beneath him, rolling her hips over and over, begging him not to stop. He had no intentions, he continued to lap up her arousal, pleased that he could make her come so hard and so intensely.
He read her body, he could tell that she was calming down and becoming a little sensitive. His fingertips made their way back along her skin until he planted one last kiss within her, letting the tip of his tongue connect with her nerve centre once more briefly, before closing his mouth, making his way back up to her. Her eyes were still clamped shut and he watched the rise and fall of her chest. His hands found their way around her body, letting one settle over her breast as he planted soft kisses upon her supple flesh up to her collarbones.
"You good?" he asked, dropping down beside her, smiling as he reached to caress her flushed cheeks.
Olivia grinned at him bashfully, lowering her eyes as he legs still felt tingly and jutted around involuntarily. "Yes… very, very good…" she replied. She leaned in for a soft, longing, kiss.
"Do you think I could make you come again?" he asked softly as if he was just wondering as he absently dragged his hand over her warm skin, covering her breasts and her stomach down to her thighs and back up again as she calmed down.
Olivia chuckled, "Maybe… but you need to give me a little break, but… I want it to be your turn, I want you to feel my hands and mouth over you…" she was almost a little shy with him.
"You don't have to-" he told her.
She nodded, "Yes I do, I want to…" she let her own hand trace his chest, feeling his rock-hard muscles down to his torso. "I definitely want to…"
Trevor smiled and planted a soft kiss upon her cheek and inched closer to her, grabbing her hand from his lower stomach with his free hand. "Its okay, there's time… just cuddle in to me, relax…"
She definitely felt exhausted and tired out by the way that he treated her body. She knew if she closed her eyes she would easily drift off. Trevor knew it too and knew he needed to be patient with her. She closed any distance between their bodies as he reached behind him to the remote to turn the cooler on. The afternoon heat was making the room a little warm. He pulled the top sheet up from the foot of his bed over them.
Olivia scooted in close. "You're tired," he told her once he saw her eyes fall shut. "You should have a little nap."
"I want to be with you—" she told him, opening her eyes again.
"There's time, just… close your eyes sweetheart, I'll still be here when you open them."
"You're fucking amazing Dr. Langan," she murmured, curling her body in to his. Trevor pulled her against his chest, as she settled in to the crook of his arm. "You're the best and kindest man I've ever met…" her voice trailed off.
He planted a kiss on her forehead. "I just want you to be happy and comfortable," he replied, stroking her hair, "you deserve nothing but the best…" he kissed her forehead a second time. "Just rest for a little while, I can tell you're exhausted."
She tucked her head beneath his chin and kissed his neck, wrapping an arm around him, pulling him close with a deep need for him to hold her and comfort her. She couldn't deny how amazing it felt to be with him.
Trevor knew that she was asleep almost immediately – he could tell by how steady her breathing became, how her body felt slightly heavier against him. He waited for her to fall in to a deep sleep before he got up and used the bathroom and got himself a cold glass of water. He checked his phone and saw he had a text from his cousin.
"How about you and Olivia meet me at a bar for a pre-drink before dinner and then we can go hit a steakhouse or something? If you feel like going to a club or something after, we can do that too?"
Trevor laughed to himself, "Christian, we are too old for clubs, we will meet you for a pre-drink somewhere, but please don't make it on the other side of town, somewhere close by – maybe dinner before 8pm, you're young and vibrant, we are old and have a bed time… Send me a drop pin for the bar and I'll text you if there's any issues. Stay safe."
He went to the fridge and pulled out some bottled water remembering that Olivia preferred sparkling. He took it to the room and put it on her side of the bed before setting an alarm and slipping back beneath the sheet. Olivia stirred a little, he kept still, hoping not to wake her. Slowly, he put an arm around her waist and felt her getting as close as she could. He became very aware of her perfect breasts pressing against his chest.
They were perfect, he thought and he felt lucky to have her beside him. He sighed with contentment and closed his eyes too.
/
Olivia woke up in the late afternoon. She quickly remembered where she was and who's bed she was in and what had happened between them before she had fallen asleep. Trevor was lightly snoring beside her.
She listened for any movement in the apartment but everything sounded silent. The bathroom was about five steps from his bedroom, taking the chance that his cousin hadn't arrived yet, she got up and darted inside.
Once she was done she came back to Trevor's room, closing the door behind her. She glanced over at him, sheet pulled to his waist, one arm over his eyes as if he was shielding them from the sunlight. She tip-toed to his window and pulled the shutters down slightly so that the sun wasn't shining directly on them anymore. She had woken up feeling a little too warm.
She smiled to herself, noticing that he had put some San Pellegrino out for her in a small bottle. She opened it, hearing it hiss, looking back to make sure she hadn't woken him up. She figured he was sleeping heavily, he didn't budge or stir or make any noises that indicated she had disrupted him. She took a few long mouthfuls before setting the bottle down and turning to him.
She thought about the way he had spent time on every part of her; she thought of his tongue and how he knew exactly what to do to make her come so hard that it took her body several minutes to recover and it was all so effortless for him. She felt feelings brewing for him that had probably been sitting within her since they'd met but she hadn't fully accepted.
Olivia thought about the way he didn't seem too concerned that she came before he had the chance to receive anything in return. He truly did just want to put her first and it really showed her who he was within his heart. Dr. Trevor Langan was pure, unselfish, kind and empathetic to his own detriment.
And yet, there was still no part of him that she ever wanted to change.
But she definitely wanted to show him that she was grateful and that the affections that had recently become obvious that he had for her, were returned.
She placed a hand upon his chest, running her fingers through the small patches of hair on his torso. She watched his face for a reaction. When he stirred, she let her hand sit stationary. Once his breathing became even again, she softly grazed her fingertips down to his boxer-briefs.
She continued to let her hand travel until she covered the mound in his pants. He stirred a little again and let out a soft moan. Olivia grinned to herself and softly kissed the flesh at his side. The moan came from the back of his throat and she was almost certain he was dreaming – and maybe he thought he was too.
She explored him, trying to figure out where he began and where he ended, making out his form over the fabric. She felt him become a little hard as she glided her palm along his shaft, wanting to slip her hands beneath the elastic waist. She was a little nervous, she hadn't really been hands-on with a man since her very early 20s.
She felt Trevor's hand grabbing hers. She hadn't noticed him waking up, she had been busy trying to get the courage to allow his erection free. "Heyyy…" he chuckled, "what are you doing?" he asked, the last word coming out a little gruff. He seemed surprised but definitely not upset.
"I just wanted to… make you feel nice…" she replied, planting another kiss upon his warm chest.
"Mmm, well, you don't have to do that if you don't want to," he answered sleepily, trying to push the dirty thoughts out of his head, very aware of just how erect he'd become since waking up to her hand exploring him.
"I want to," she replied, smiling up at his beautiful face. He turned his head, smiling right back at her.
"Ugh," he muttered as if in disgust. He turned himself on to his side and circled his arm around her neck lightly and drew her closer so he could kiss her, "you're so fucking beautiful," he spoke bluntly, his words upon her lips. He kissed her hard and passionately. Olivia felt it too, the spark and chemistry that was inevitable and unavoidable. She allowed him in to her mouth, the tip of his tongue massaging against hers.
This was how she remembered sex to be back when it was fun, when she was in college – passionate and endless and an all day affair if that's what she wanted. She didn't really remember another time where it didn't feel in some way forced.
He broke the kiss off, "the audacity of it all…" he murmured, looking in to her eyes. She kissed him back for a moment, feeling his teeth sinking in to her bottom lip tugging at it gently as she tried to pull away. They both chuckled. Olivia gave in and recaptured his mouth.
"Trev?" she asked softly, vulnerability hinting the words that left her mouth.
"Uhuh?" she continued to massage his erection over the fabric. He let his eyes fall shut for a second, trying hard to concentrate on her words.
"Its been… kind of a long time since I've done this," she made a shy nod toward his hips. "I may need a little… help."
For whatever reason, he found her shyness and her honesty to be completely endearing. He loved that she felt confident enough to ask for help. It was such a fucking turn on. He smiled. "Of course…but I'm sure you will knock it out the park," he winked and nudged her cheek with his nose, planting a kiss on her hairline and another on her jaw. Olivia couldn't help but to turn her head, allowing him the room to focus on her neck.
He buried his nose in to her hair and covered the soft area right behind her ear with his mouth. Olivia let out a soft sigh, feeling his tongue massaging the skin in one of her most sensitive spots. She felt his hand snaking its way down her arm, feeling the goosebumps that had just risen to the surface of her skin.
His hand reached hers that was resting over his pants. "Take them off…" she commanded him, "so we can do this properly…"
"You are so fucking hot Olivia Benson," he murmured against her skin. Multitasking, he pushed down his pants, breaking his mouth from that tiny intimate spot that seemed to be taking away all of her inhibitions again. He felt himself spring to life, feeling so much more free.
"Oooft don't get me started on you Dr. Langan," she replied. She found him again, her hand explored his length, getting a feel for his size. She let her eyes fall shut, imagining him buried so deep within her that he hit that spot that his fingers had made it to earlier. She became aroused just thinking about it.
He covered her hand with his. He felt Olivia lifting her fingers, letting him link his between her own. It was the tiny, innocent show of vulnerability that he picked up on the most. She was concerned she wouldn't be able to make him feel as good as he had made her feel, so she required his help.
"Mmm…" he moaned against her ear as he guided her to stroke his shaft from base to tip, slowly and consistently. She turned a little, not able to concentrate with his mouth on her. Trevor rolled back on to his back and enjoyed the sensation of her getting used to what he liked. She swiped her thumb over his head, realising it sent a jolt of sensation through him.
"Is that okay?" she asked.
"Yes…" he chuckled, "all of this—it's more than okay… you don't need my help," he added. Olivia sat up. She felt Trevor remove his hand and place it on her bare back. He couldn't help but to admire her breasts, freely exposed without any show of insecurity.
She was taking her job seriously when all he wanted to do was to reach out and grab a handful of her. Surprising him, Olivia scooted down a little and covered him with her mouth.
"Whoa…." he murmured, her back faced him and she lifted her hips a little in the air so that he could see her perfect behind. She started by licking his shaft, cleaning his head by swirling her tongue around it. "Fuck!" he cursed. "Yes, Liv…."
"Yeah?" she challenged him, smirking at him.
He nodded emphatically. Olivia laughed and took him in to her mouth, wrapping her lips around him guiding his shaft as far as she could before allowing him to glide right back out of her. He reached for her ass and grabbed a handful of her flesh, his fingers biting in to her skin.
She repeated her action, keeping her lips sealed around him while she let her tongue stroke him, paying extra attention to his head while he writhed around and gasped each time her tongue flicked over the sensitive part of his penis. She wrapped her hand firmly at the base and massaged him with her free hand.
"Fuck it feels so good," he moaned. All he could do was laugh in surprise by just how relaxed he was. How could he have gone without having sex with someone for so long, he wondered? He also wondered if he had anyone give him a blow job that was so involved, one that wasn't half assed as a means to an end. Olivia was giving him the full treatment; determined to make him come.
He couldn't help himself, he could see the soles of her feet peaking out beneath her backside; her knees were tucked beneath her as she leaned over him. He let go of her ass that he had been rubbing and grabbing absently. Every bit of her body smelled and looked perfect and clean and supple. He reached beneath her and Olivia knew immediately what he was trying to do. She spread her knees a little apart and felt him looking for her opening.
She moaned against his erection, feeling two fingers sink inside the well of arousal. She whimpered with pleasure. "Wow…" he remarked, "you're so wet…." He was kind of amazed that she was ready to go again and that bringing him pleasure brought her pleasure.
It was sexy and wonderful and he couldn't wait to bury himself deep within her.
It was almost too much for her as he moved his fingers in and out of her, she reached down and grabbed his hand with a laugh, pulling her mouth away from his swollen member. "Sorry…" she apologized. "You just… you can't make me come again…"
"I could," he replied playfully, "if I wanted to…"
"Well you can," she replied, "but I want you inside me when that happens…"
Trevor curled his fingers inside of her until he was sure he had found the spot. It was a giveaway by the way her body almost entirely buckled. "I think I found your kryptonite…" he teased her in a throaty voice.
"Find it with your cock…" she replied, grinning at him over her shoulder.
He didn't need to hear anymore. He sat forward and took her arm, pulling her up toward him. He kissed her hungrily, letting her tongue fill his mouth. He broke away and planted kisses at random, nipping at her skin, opening his mouth wide and taking a breast in to his mouth. It was such a turn on to see him so hungry for her, craving to be inside of her so deeply.
He reached in the bedside drawer beneath on her side which she quickly realised was the side of which he usually slept. He fumbled around blindly for a moment and found what he was looking for. "Lucky… I got worried for a second," he seemed relieved.
Olivia took the condom from him and ripped it open impatiently. She helped him put it on, rolling it down his shaft. She was glad she didn't have to ask or suggest protection, that he didn't have an expectation that it was her responsibility.
"You ready?" he asked, a half smile filling his face.
"Yes…" she laid back on the pillow, hands above her head as he admired her body. She made space between her legs for him. He leaned over her, using one hand to hold his own weight and the other to guide himself inside of her. Once he pushed himself in to her, he leaned over her, finding her hands, pausing to kiss her mouth softly, savouring the moment between them. He was careful not to push himself in to her too fast or all at once especially since she had told him it was a long time.
He watched her wince as if she was in pain. "Liv?"
Olivia was immediately transported back to her apartment – shoved roughly on her own bed as the heavy body overpowered her. The images came in strobes and she tried to stop her body from trembling involuntarily, trying hard to not replace the man from her past with the man that was on top of her wanting her with great passion, wanting to please her, not wanting to harm her or take something that wasn't his.
"Liv?" Trevor tried again, pulling out of her. He knew flash backs, he knew trauma and he knew something had triggered her.
"I can't—" she said quickly. "Not-"
"No it's okay, we'll stop…"
"No!" she exclaimed, giving her head a little shake, "no I definite do not want to stop," she told him, "just… another position, please."
"Are you sure?" Trevor asked.
"Yes, yes! I'm sure, please… I really want this…" she begged, thankful that he didn't entirely freak out and that he was considerate enough to read her body and understand it wasn't working for her in the moment.
"You tell me…" he said softly, "what works for you?"
"Just… I'll get on top, is that okay?" she wondered.
Trevor grinned at her, "is that okay? You're crazy!" he dropped on to the mattress and rolled on to his back, "whatever you want, if you're comfortable then I'm happy."
Olivia climbed over him, happy to be rid of the stupid images that had flashed their way through her mind. She felt Trevor's hands at her hips. He scooted himself back a little, putting some cushions behind him at the bedhead, half sitting up. She grabbed hold of his shaft and lowered herself on to him slowly, getting ready for how thick he was.
Trevor observed the change in her face, her eyes closed not in emotional distress but now her expression contorted with pleasure as she took him all of the way inside, her hips crushing against his.
He felt her begin to ride him back and forth, working her hips. Trevor reached up, taking a handful of her breasts, enjoying being buried deeply within her. Trevor couldn't help himself, he wanted to hold her in his arms, the swell of feelings inside of him was growing for her by the second – that deep affection that knew no bounds. He held on to he waist as he sat up properly, taking her in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and planted soft, wet kisses upon her sternum and her collar-bone.
Olivia felt a little relief, it felt easier and nicer to be held in his arms as her hips circled to meet his thrusts. She felt him so deeply within her that it almost hurt, but not the kind of hurt where she wanted it to stop.
"Is that okay?" he asked, "are you comfortable?"
She nodded, smiling at him. "Yeah… it's really fucking good…"
He smiled back, reaching up, pushing her hair out of her face. He made out with her while their bodies rocked together. Olivia remembered how great it was to feel so full of a man inside of her.
Trevor stopped himself just as he as about to blurt out an I love you. He breathed out a sigh, knowing that was the only way he would ruin the moment between them. He knew Olivia wouldn't like it, he knew she would get funny, she didn't like to deal with her emotions like that. He didn't want to scare her but knowing she liked him was enough.
It had to be.
When he sensed that she needed a little rest, he paused, "need a breather?" he understood her being on top meant she needed to put in more effort. They both laughed at his joke, always teasing and good-natured but he was able to tell as she was growing sluggish and wincing a little from the pressure on her knees. Olivia let herself fall on to the mattress beside him, almost entirely turning her back to him. She hoped he would get the picture. He planted a kiss on the back of her neck as his hands traced the dip of her spine.
"Is this okay?" he whispered in to her ear, asking if he could enter her from behind. As if to clarify, he inserted his fingers in to the warmth where his penis had just been. Olivia groaned and nodded. "Y-yes…"
He laid on his side, and lifted her thigh, allowing him some room to enter her, guiding his penis inside of her. Despite not being able to see her face, he liked the intimacy of being able to wrap an arm around her and work on that spot behind her ear that she liked and it allowed him to move in and out of her with ease and less effort on her behalf.
He withdrew himself almost completely before plunging back within her walls making her moan. Olivia felt his mouth on her neck and his arm around her waist, his hand holding a breast in his hand brushing his fingertips around her nipples.
"Mmmmm," he murmured in to her ear, "you feel so good," he informed her.
"So do you…" she hissed.
Trevor thrust deeper, shocking her body each time it hit that spot that made her eyes burst with lights. She felt overstimulated with his mouth and his hands and his penis all working her body. She knew she wouldn't take long to come if that was how he was going to continue.
"Are you gonna come for me too?" she asked him softly.
"I am going to come so fucking hard," he replied, "you let me know when you're ready…" he told her.
She sensed he was closer than she was, his hand moved down south. His thumb found her clitoris and he began to make circles around it, massaging the area delicately. "Is that okay?"
"Mmhm, you're making me dizzy," she chuckled.
All Olivia could hear was the sound of him pumping in and out of her with urgency. It felt so good and so satisfying, she couldn't believe it had been so long and how much she had been missing out on. She moaned out loud, deciding that if by chance his cousin was home, she didn't much care what he thought.
"Harder…" she commanded, feeling his fingers pressing against her clitoris as he thrust harder, grunting each time he buried his penis inside of her. Olivia felt him hit that spot deep within her over and over until the pleasure brewed within her and every inch of her began to grow warm. "I'm gonna come…" she whispered as if she had already given in, knowing that feeling, the bit that took over her brain. Her hips began to buck and his fingers within her flicked over her with urgency, knowing better than to ease off.
"Come," he commanded her in a grunt. He heard her loud gasps, her whimpers of delight as the orgasm took over, making her entire body tingle. He felt her tighten around him which was all he needed to send him over the edge. He buried himself deeply while he came, his thrusts were longer as his hips shuddered and the head of his cock hit her deeply. Olivia could tell he had come too, she felt his warmth inside of her as her body continued to quake against him.
They were both breathless, both tired and exhausted from their afternoon activities. "Fuck…" he covered her with kisses over the back of her neck and shoulders. Olivia loved that about him, his affection – it was never-ending and she had never been on the receiving end of it for too long.
She relished his touch, his kisses, his caresses. It was something that she knew she would reach out for more. His affections made it a lot easier to be open with hers too, something she often found difficult.
He removed himself from her and she felt him moving about behind her. "One sec, I'll be right back," he promised.
She knew that he was trying to be discreet with removing his condom and disposing of it. She rolled on to her back, slowly trying to get her breath back and for the dizziness to subside. When he walked back in to his room, she realized just how well hung he was. She was surprised that he'd managed to fit. She smiled at him.
"Hey…" he greeted her, suddenly looking a little shy.
"Hey…" she replied. He got back in to bed and covered them back over with the sheet. "How'd we go?" he asked as a joke.
"Pretty good…" Olivia answered. "I kind of forget what it felt like, it's been like…85 years."
Trevor laughed. "Same for me… I'm just happy that my balls weren't blue yet."
"Your cousin isn't home yet, I hope?" she asked him.
He shook his head. "No, he wanted to meet us both for dinner and a drink, how do you feel about that?"
Olivia wondered if he wanted her to go as his date or just his friend. There was a part of her that hoped for a little more than friendship. "Okay… only if you want me to."
He smiled at her, caressing her shoulders, "Of course its what I want… I'll try really hard to keep my hands off you, but… it'll be difficult."
She smiled but she couldn't help but to wonder why he had to. "I mean… you don't have to keep your hands off me, just at work…"
He was surprised. "Yeah?" he grinned, "You wanna meet my cousin as my friend or….?"
She was careful not to trap herself, she didn't want to end up in something that she may have regretted later just because of a post-sex vulnerability. She thought for a moment. She knew she had feelings growing for him or else she would have never suggested they make out or have sex. "I guess, it's your cousin, it's whatever you feel comfortable with."
"No no," he shook his head, "it's not whatever, it matters what you want too, Liv, do you want to be more than my friend?" he asked her point blank, propping himself up on his elbow, leaning over her, "do you want us to be seeing each other exclusively?" he asked, "or is this casual?"
"I don't know…" she replied, wanting to give him an answer but feeling a little overwhelmed by the idea of him not feeling the same. She wondered if it was just the moment that made her feel so deeply for him, infatuated because he was the first man that had ever brought her to an earth-shattering orgasm. "I don't know—" she repeated, frustrated with herself.
"You don't know, or you don't want to give it a label because you're scared that I won't feel the same?" he asked a little pointedly and she glared at him, wondering how he managed to peg her feelings each time. "Because I really like you, I would not like this to be casual I would like this… to be more. Maybe even exclusive, but it doesn't have to be a decision we make right this second."
She managed a smile, relieved. "Kiss me?" she asked him.
He smiled back and did as he was told.
"I think… I like you more than my friend but I need things to go slow, really slow…" she warned him.
"Ooops…" he joked, glancing at their clothes on the ground.
She laughed, "Sex is physical, Trevor, the other stuff, I need time to express myself, it's not as easy as it is for you."
"Well it's not a great deal easy for me either, to tell the truth so I understand. We'll go meet my cousin for a drink and dinner and we don't have to call it anything… if that makes you feel better?"
"Okay," Olivia agreed, reaching her neck out to kiss him back.