CHAPTER 2

SWEETPEA FLOWER: bittersweet goodbye

Unlike the past two days that I had spent panicking – for my behaviour in the court, for my outrageous vow and its unfortunate consequences that I will have to suffer through, for my wedding that was getting closer with every second, for the realisation that none of this was something I would have ever chosen – I was eerily calm on the day of my wedding. I woke up earlier than I usually do, and my maids polished me from head to toe before dressing and fixing me up for my wedding.

There would be no wedding celebration: the Emperor would arrive, we would sign the legal marriage certificate – this was only followed in the Hyuga Kingdom, as far as I knew – and I would be gone from this kingdom before sunset. I was not supposed to leave my chambers until I was called for, and that would be to sign the certificate and then depart with my husband shortly after.

I was not allowed to attend most of my own marriage, I thought, and then immediately chastised myself for being so needlessly resentful. The Hyugas hardly ever had wedding ceremonies – the bride and groom merely signed their marriage certificate and their marriage was officially done. Anything more than that was uncommon. And we could not have had a party due to Hanabi's fear of crowds anyway.

So, an hour before noon, when the maids had finished preparing me for my wedding, I dismissed them to calm my non-existent nerves – nerves that I did not have at the moment but knew were hovering just at the edge, ready to shatter my composure at the worst moment.

It was not much later that I heard the arrival of the Emperor – I could not see anything because my balcony did not overlook even a part of the entry gates, but I did see people in the markets trying to find a position among each other for a good view. There were some soldiers, in red and black uniforms, obviously from the Uzumaki Kingdom. I could not see much from my room, but it looked like a few of them were… shopping? It made me smile, and I did not fight it.

I had fewer reasons to smile nowadays.

I sat on the corner of the bed; my knees tucked carefully under my chin so the dress would not get damaged even a bit. I liked the dress. I wanted to wear it again sometime. But I did not even know if my husband would allow for it. My father did not like the Imperial Family wearing same clothes more than once, so we did not.

Nevertheless, it was one of my favourite dresses, and it would be such a waste if I were to let it go after wearing it just once.

It was the lightest pink gown with lace boat neck over a sweetheart underdress and lace sleeves almost to my knuckles. Its skirt did not have as many layers as I usually wore; I wanted to wear something easier to carry if I was going to travel for most of the day. It did not have a waistline; the light pink charmeuse hugged my bust snugly, and then flowed down to my ankles, lightly tracing my body and flaring more the lower it went. The skirt was supported with a multi-layered petticoat. Light pink flower patterned lace covered my bare shoulders and arms and flowed over the dress all the way down, pearls small enough so they would not dig into my skin littered the lace throughout.

There was no trail. I always thought my wedding dress would have a long trail, and tens of layers in the skirt, and maybe off-the-shoulders. This dress had none of those. Even still, I loved it so much.

The veil fixed on my high, braided bun was of a darker shade than the dress and heavily adorned with pearls and amethysts and topazes clustered to look like flowers, and reached below my butt. I decided that if I ever got a chance to wear that dress again, I would wear a trailing veil. I loved trailing veils. And jewelled veils.

When I first saw the design of this dress, I thought it would look much better in a darker colour – black, or midnight blue, or magenta, or dark purple. But I could not really wear mourning colours to a wedding, much less to my own wedding.

I looked all over my room, trying to burn it into my memory even more than it already had. I just wanted something to distract myself until Neji came. My personal effects were all packed and being transported into the carriages that the Emperor had brought with him.

He was the one thought I had not allowed in my mind for more than a few moments in these past three weeks. I just did not want to think anything about him. Not even now, when I was less than an hour from meeting him for the first time.

I went over to the dresser and took out a notebook and pencil. I started designing a ball gown, and by the time Neji came for me, only the sleeves were left. I tore the page from the notebook and slipped it between my leg and the strap of my white kitten heels. Designing dresses for myself and sometimes for Hanabi was something I was not overly fond of doing, but it took my mind off of things I did not want to think about.

Neji walked me all the way to the throne room and I noticed how the palace was decorated beautifully for the occasion. The pillars were all draped with braids of many kinds of flowers, the carpet looked impossibly cleaner than they usually were, and there were different ornaments decorating very wall. It looked like no surface was left unadorned. Small chandeliers, prettier and a little bigger than ones that usually filled these corridors hung at regular intervals, carved and jewelled sconces and candelabras and lanterns decorated the pillars and walls that were not covered with flowers. Everything looked shinier and sharper, but never once overly so.

It was exquisite. I could only imagine how it would look at night, when the glow of these lit sconces and candles would be the only source of light.

When we reached the throne room, I saw it was rearranged to accommodate a large round table and a few chairs around it – all exactly the same, not one of them grander than the other for the Emperor, unlike what I had expected. Father, Mother and General Hiroko sat with two empty chairs between them, which I assumed were for me and Neji, along with two men I have never seen before.

One of them was blonde and the other had white hair, and that was the only thing I noticed before my nerves hit me with full force and I lowered my head timidly. I guessed they must be the Emperor and his General.

Neji led me toward the table and pulled my chair back to let me sit. Father was talking about the Kingdom – to the Emperor or the General, I did not know – and all his words went over my head. The impact of what was happening finally registered and my breaths became shallower. Fear and doubt started to creep into my thoughts and I thought the conversation changed from the kingdom to my family and I could still not understand a word.

I was going to be married. To a man who was said to have united all our Kingdoms into an Empire. After defeating every one of their best soldiers.

He sounded powerful and undefeatable and invincible in all the stories I ever heard of him, and I had heard many more of them in the past three weeks than I had in all the time before.

I was not ready to be married to him. Perhaps I should have had thought more about this when I had nothing else to do, instead of losing my nerves in front of him like this.

The first word that I understood was my name. Father had called for me and I finally looked up at him. I hoped I heard him the first time and he was not actually repeating my name.

"Sign the marriage certificate, Hinata," he nodded at the parchment placed in front of me.

I grabbed the pen that he was holding towards me and leaned closer to the table. His signatures were big and round and illegible, and as I signed mine, small and neat, my breaths somewhat calmed.

"If that is all, King Hyuga, we would like to leave as soon as possible, lest we get stranded somewhere in the middle of the night. You know how the rebels are getting more active lately," was the second thing I heard. It might have been said seconds after I signed the certificate, or it might have been another hour; the marriage certificate was gone – to the Archives, I believed – but the pen was still in my hand.

It was a small pen, meant more for appearance than use, it just about reached the second knuckle of my pinkie from my wrist. Father has had it ever since I could remember. Its barrel was made of platinum, while its end cap and clip were rose gold studded with tiny diamonds. Thin fibres of rose gold decorated the platinum barrel, so fine and intricate that they would not be visible unless one held it right in front of their eyes. And so beautiful when you finally looked at them.

From the periphery of my vision, I noticed everyone stand up, and I mindlessly followed the suit. With all the years of being scrutinised and criticized for my appearances, among other things, at least now I did not have to focus on being socially proper. It was now as natural as breathing, as ingrained as my unwanted fondness for my family.

I was still looking down, but now I could hear the words as well as understand them, "Thank you for your gracious hospitality, King Hyuga. But we must be going now."

A hand came into my narrow vision followed by a voice – deep, happy – "Shall we, my Empress?"

For a moment – the shortest moment – I felt an urge to look at Father and smile. But it was gone as soon as, or maybe even faster than, it came, and I was left with an odd sense of regret and loss.

My vision focused again at the hand extended toward me – big, tanned – and I tentatively lifted mine to hold it. Hard, callused.

The Emperor – I assumed, because surely no one else would dare hold my hand right after I got married to the Emperor – lifted our hands and directed me around the table until I was in front of him. Polite, commanding.

When I was standing opposite him, he took hold of my other hand too. I still did not look up. All I could see was his attire – black boots with gilt lining, black military grade pants tucked neatly into his boots, belt with the Uzumaki symbol – a black and red spiral – on the buckle, white ruffle shirt tucked into his pants, a black waistcoat buttoned up and covered with a heavy red military jacket that was adorned with multiple medals (which I also knew were not just for show but hard earned), a long sword attached to his hip, and the Uzumaki ring on his right index finger. In my heels, his collarbones were directly in my line of sight. Modest, large.

He swiped his thumbs over my hand and squeezed them lightly, "King Hyuga, I cannot express how grateful I am that you allowed me to marry your daughter and gave us your blessings. I give you my word she will be happy and loved and cherished in the Uzumaki Kingdom. I will always take care of her. Thank you for this honour." Kind, humble.

"Believe me, Your Majesty, a father cannot wish better for his child," Father said. His voice was so sincere that I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. He sounded like he really was happy – for me, and not for the kingdom.

In the back of my mind, I remembered there were few talks of the Emperor being a monster. He did not seem like a monster right then.

He squeezed my hands again before letting go and then offered me his arm. I took it and we moved toward the double doors that lead out of the throne room. I noticed for the first time that there were Uzumaki soldiers in the hall as well as Hyuga soldiers.

We walked out of the palace to the palace grounds, and there, in the driveway, were six large, beautiful carriages. Each of them was white and golden, decorated with an assortment of flowers, different for each of them – roses, magnolias, lilies, dahlias, peonies, orchids.

One of them, the fourth one on the line, was especially larger and grander than the rest, clearly for the Emperor and his bride. It had bales of purple and white wisteria flowing over its sides at small intervals, with other red, pink, and white flowers decorating the top and bottom.

The Emperor opened the door for me and helped me in. From the corner of my eyes, I saw the white-haired man – his General, I assumed – approach, before the door closed. The interior of the carriage was contrasting – dark leather seats covered with silk, light-coloured walls and roof, a small, dark-coloured counter mounted on the wall opposite the door, holding a few drinks, and light, smoky curtains over the window.

I sat on the seat, and eyed both the door and the bottle.

I wanted to drink some, but I wanted to move as little as possible too. I thought maybe I could become invisible if I did not move. Though, it would not help even if I could, as the Emperor would be sitting right in front of me on the opposite seat.

In less than a minute, the door swung open again and the Emperor entered. I reflexively leaned forward to adjust my skirt so he would not step on it, and there goes my plan to move as little as possible.

His feet were still close to my dress; he was a big man.

But when I had lifted my skirts, I had noticed I still had Father's pen in my hand. I wanted to throw it out, far away from me, so I would have no reminders of this place that had hated me for so long. And I wanted to keep it with me, close and safe, so I could remember that I had a family which meant so much to me but I did not mean much to them.

My hand lifted up a little to throw it away, but never followed through.

When the door had opened, I had seen Mother, Father and Neji standing just a few metres from me. I had turned my head to the other side, tightening my hold on the pen. When the door had closed, I turned to look back but the curtains shielded my view. Or, perhaps, they shielded me from the view.

"Do you want me to open the curtains?"

As soon as I heard his voice, my head dropped, and my heart beat faster. I was afraid. Of what, I did not know. Maybe of him. Maybe of saying or doing the wrong thing. Maybe of giving the impression of being too shy or too quiet or too impolite or too rude. Or maybe because I thought if he really saw, he would know what I did in the throne room two days ago.

A few seconds later I realised I have to answer him, I opened my mouth to say, "No, thank you," but it did not come and I just shook my head.

The carriage started moving a minute later. I heard him move and lifted my head just a little bit – so I could see up to his torso – and realised he was taking off that heavy red overcoat. My heart beat quickened and I looked away.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw him fold it half-neatly and keep it beside him. His crown – a band of white gold with numerous uneven spikes, speckled with small rubies and onyxes all over, bigger rubies at the top of each spike and a thin layer of onyx lining the base – joined the coat. His hand disappeared out of my view, and I assumed, into his hair.

He huffed and then extended his hand toward me, "Hi. I am Naruto."

I knew that. Everyone knew that. His legend. How he became the youngest General of the Uzumaki Kingdom during The Wars and then became a key player in ending all the wars and came out as the King of Uzumaki Kingdom as well as the first Emperor of the newly formed Empire of Leaf.

I wanted to respond to him – take his hand, speak, nod, even just look at him – but my body refused to do anything.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Hinata. I must say, nothing I have ever heard about you do any justice to your wonderful beauty."

That was when I finally managed to look up at him, because that was the wrong thing to say.

Of course, I knew what went around in the kingdom about me. They thought I was an unmatched beauty. I used to be insecure about it, but as time passed and the talks about my looks only ever increased, I gradually started accepting that perhaps I was beautiful. Though I never believed that it was unmatched. Surely, there would be many women who are just as beautiful, and even more beautiful, in their own ways.

I had not let myself think in these past three weeks about the Emperor and this marriage because I was afraid that the only reason he chose me was because I was pretty. I did not want this marriage to be only skin deep.

His words, his compliments, only made my fears come true. That he had married me because he had heard that I was the most beautiful woman in the Empire, even if I was not.

But when I looked at him – finally, looked at him – he was smiling. Genuinely, kindly, happily smiling. His smile was beautiful. He was beautiful. He had a long face with defined edges, tanned skin, deep, expressive blue eyes and short, scantly longer than the military buzz-cut, sunny blonde hair. He had faint lines around his mouth and eyes that suggested he smiled and laughed a lot and three strange whisker-like marks on each cheek. They were as adorable as they were strange. His canines were longer than the rest of his teeth, giving him an edgy look, but I thought they made his smile look enchanting.

His looks, along with his attire and mannerisms, confirmed what I had thought before in the throne hall, when he had held my hand: he had more military in him than royalty.

It made me wonder how someone so nice and genuine could be so shallow, but then again, maybe I was also judging him solely by his looks – or a few words, in this case.

That was the one time since Neji led me into the throne room that I actually wanted to not respond, so of course, I found myself finally speaking for the first time, "Thank you, Your Majesty."

I guess the manners are more ingrained in me than I thought.

"Oh, please don't call me that. You are my wife now; you should call me by my name," he said, smiling. He either smiled all the time, or he was really happy at that moment.

Though hearing that 'wife' did something odd to me.

"That would not be proper, Your Majesty."

He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, then said, "Can I call you Hinata, then?"

"You can call me anything you wish to, Your Majesty." I wanted him to call me Hinata. It sounded different when he said it. Tender, cherished, like he had spent a lot of time saying it.

"Hinata it is then. Do you want some water? It's a long way home."

He offered me the bottle from the counter, and I took it. Home. It was unfamiliar to think of his kingdom as home. The Hyuga Palace, or the Hyuga Kingdom, had not been home to me for almost a decade. But then again, I never had anywhere else to call home.

It felt suffocating and sad to leave it behind, but it had felt just as suffocating and sad living there. I did not want to leave, but I did not want to stay either.

The Emperor continued after I drank the water, "It's so cold here compared to the Uzumaki Kingdom. Aren't you cold in that dress?"

I shook my head, "No, Your Majesty. I am used to it."

"Well, then, I guess you will have to adjust a bit to the climate in the Uzumaki Kingdom. I reckon it will be quite hot for you there."

"It is fine, Your Majesty. I will manage."

I thought he would have kept talking for a long time; he seemed like someone who talked a lot. But he did not say anything more after that.