A.N: See the end of the chapter for a special announcement.

The Straw Hats, except for Sanji and Usopp, were sitting in an alley near the canal. They were all sitting on various objects except for Nami, who was standing.

"There it is," said Nami to Vivi. "In exchange for one billion berries, we'll take you home. You saw how strong these guys are, so it's a pretty good deal."

"I can't accept," said Vivi. "But I appreciate your help."

"Why not? Is a billion too much?"

"Do you know about Alabasta? It was a peaceful nation, but now we're in a Civil War. It was caused by a secret organization called Baroque Works. They manipulated everyone to revolt."

"Let me guess," said Diamond Tiara. She had a brief break from her hangover. "They pulled the strings, and caused the war just so they could come in and be the saviors? Then they could take over and become the rulers of your fancy kingdom."

"How do you know?"

"I did something similar once. Just with a Marine ship. I think I invented unions. One thing led to another and they made me captain. I got bored and sunk it in a day, though." Everyone was looking at her in shock. "What? I was only eighteen, I didn't know any better."

"Anyway, it makes sense. You wouldn't exactly have a lot of cash around during a Civil War," said Nami.

"Hey," said Luffy with a big grin. "Did you find out who's in charge?"

"What? You shouldn't ask that! If I tell you, your lives will be in danger," Vivi said frantically.

"Yeah, these guys are trying to take over a country," said Nami. "I wouldn't want someone like that chasing after me."

"No, you don't. You don't have a chance against one of the Seven Warlords of the Sea. Crocodile."

Chapter 6: Vivi Kills The Straw Hats

Dymon D. Ciara

We all looked at the princess. We were in complete silence as her words sunk in. I decided to use this opportunity to bring in some insight. "Whelp, we're boned."

At this moment a vulture and otter appeared on a nearby roof. The otter was wearing a pink onesie and the vulture had a cool hat. The vulture carried the otter away.

"Did I just see a vulture and otter, and what isfusjduwo," Nami said as she shook the Princess. I couldn't follow because she was crying. I ignored her.

"Wow, a warlord! How cool," said Luffy. I agreed, it was better than my old captain. She was bad news.

"So when do we get to see this guy," asked Zoro.

"You think he's a lizard," I said.

"All of you shut up," yelled Nami. She then stormed out. "It's been nice knowing you idiots! Thanks for everything!"

"Don't come back," I yelled to her.

"Shut up! They don't know my face so I'm getting out while I can!"

At that exact moment, the vulture and otter came back and showed her four pictures. I couldn't see what was on them but they must've been good because she applauded. When they left, she walked back.

"What did they do," I asked.

"They drew our portraits!"

"Did mine look good?" That was the most important part of this entire thing. She didn't answer.

"It looks like Baroque Works will be hunting us down," said Zoro.

Luffy had a large smile. "That sounds awesome."

When Nami returned, she sat on the floor and sulked. It felt so good to see her that depressed. The princess tried to comfort her but failed.

"You guys have nothing to fear." Igaram had appeared. He was wearing women's clothing and holding four dummies. "Princess Vivi, listen to me." Blah blah blah, Baroque Works, blah blah blah, indirect route. Nami tried to interrupt but I shut her up.

"You don't have to say anything more. We'll do it," I said. Nami kicked and scratched me. It was so mean, I only had my hand over her mouth. It wasn't like I was suffocating her.

"Are you sure? Crocodile's bounty was 80 million before becoming a warlord."

"That's nothing, we'll be fine." Nami clawed at my eyes and started crying. I continued ignoring her. "And it might be fun."

"Yeah, let's do it," yelled Luffy.

"We are forever grateful," said Igaram.

After that, we said goodbye to him as he left in his perfect Vivi disguise. The ship he was on immediately exploded in a massive fireball. The shockwave hit but it was more like a light breeze to me.

"Wow, those Baroque Works guys don't mess around," I said.

"This isn't a joke!" Nami punched me in the head. She then went to help Vivi, who was standing still. Luffy and Zoro ran off to do other things.

"Come on, we got to go." I walked beside Vivi.

She was pissed off. She bit her lip so hard it started bleeding. Nami hugged her and she started to cry. "I promise we'll get you home. I know they don't look like much but they're strong. They saved the East Blue. Baroque Works, Crocodile, they're nothing to them!" They stopped their hug and started walking to the ship.

"We have to go faster." I picked them up and each of them on a shoulder. "Don't worry, I run smoothly." I lied, it was an extremely bumpy ride. Nami was punching me and Vivi kept bringing up her pet duck. "Forget about the duck. He'll meet up with us if he wants to live." When we got there, I jumped onto the deck and let both of them fall to the floor.

It was the same beautiful ship, with the much more amazing Sandra on top. The duck was there, too.

The full crew arrived and we set sail. Usopp and Sanji complained but they were calmed when Nami calmly explained the situation. With her fist. We then got out into the fog and were nearly out of the island. The sun was also coming up.

"I'm glad we got out of the fog," said a voice I'd never heard before. I looked around but saw nobody new. Nami agreed with the voice. "With all this fog we should be careful not to hit the rocks."

"I'll take care of it," said Nami. She then looked confused. "Wait, did you say anything?" She asked Luffy. He said no.

"This ship is nice." I was finally able to find the owner of the voice. It was a sexy lady in a cowboy hat. I lost a minute staring at her, she was nice-looking. Don't blame me! I'm only human!

"What are you doing here, Miss All Sunday," Vivi yelled.

"Wait? Is she an enemy? What's her deal," I asked.

"She's the boss's partner." So she's a bad guy, I was pretty sure I could fix her. Nobody was worse than me. "She knew the boss's identity, we found it out by following her."

"More like I let you follow me," the sexy lady interjected. Did that make her good? Black-and-white thinking is stupid.

"You also told the boss we knew!" Yup, bad guy. But damn, if she's wrong then I didn't want to be right. "You haven't told us why you're here!"

"Good question. You were just so intent on saving your country that I couldn't help myself. The idea was so ridiculous." That was rude, if only she'd insult me.

"You killed him!" Vivi was mad. I didn't care, I had all the eye candy I would ever want.

Everyone started threatening her. This led to the agent retaliating with a devil fruit power. I was too focused on her legs to notice what it was.

"Wow, now that I have a better look. You're beautiful," Sanji said with heart eyes.

"None of you should worry. I haven't been given any orders. I have no reason to fight." Good, because I'd let her win. She then stole Luffy's hat and twirled it on her finger. "So you're the captain."

At that exact moment, I snapped out of my trance. I walked over and pushed Luffy out of the way. "Actually, I'm the captain. I'm also the oldest. 27 years old, just so you know that I'm the most mature." I winked.

Luffy started arguing about his hat but she ignored him. "Which is it? Are you both the captain?"

"On paper, technically, but they all secretly respect me more."

"No, we don't," basically everyone said in unison.

"Ignore that."

"No matter." She put the straw hat on her hat. "This is a rather unlucky situation. You picked up a princess who is hunted by a large number of people, and by the looks of your log pose, you're headed to Little Garden. We won't need to lift a finger. You'll be dead before you reach Alabasta."

"Give me back my hat!" Luffy wasn't listening. It was up to me to be the competent captain.

"Don't you think it's foolish? Letting yourselves be killed?" She threw back the hat and something else, it hit my head and I caught it.

That brought back my hangover in a big way. It was much worse. I could barely think through the haze of pain in my skull. I couldn't figure out what I was holding. "What is this, a snow globe? We don't need this!" I threw it on the ground, destroying it. Several people tried punching me but I immediately ran to the railing and threw up.

It was a solid, yellowish stream. It lasted for two full minutes. It was all the alcohol I drank at the party and also all of my stomach acids. By the end of it, I was a mess on the ground. "Oh god, please help me. I promise I'll drink again. Maybe until the weekend." I passed out.

A.N.: We're back and with a new rating! This time with no limits! There will be alcohol, drugs, and more violence than you can ever imagine. If I'm going mature, I'm pulling no punches. Hopefully, this isn't against guidelines.