JPOV:

As soon as I sent that last message, I wish I could have taken it back. I was just so fucking mad at the time! Why was she ignoring me? She's a fucking dumb bitch!

No. She wasn't.

Why was I so impulsive? I knew Bella wasn't any of the things I called her. She was amazing and kind and understanding. She was far from being a bitch and she definitely wasn't dumb. i sighed and let my head drop into my hands. I am such an asshole.

I thought back to that embarrassingly dreadful day at the movie theater. I knew I shouldn't have ambushed her by that idiotic question right then and there. I shouldn't have put her on the spot in front of a bunch of random people. There was a better time and place to ask that.. I ambushed her and then got angry at her for not reacting the right way to my ambush..

My hands balled up into fists when I again thought back to that night a few weeks ago. I really thought it was the perfect time. I would profess my love to her, and she would be so happy, she would agree on the spot. I pictured it like those dumb cheesy romantic movies that my sisters used to watch.. She was supposed to see how i was better than her freak of an ex.. But instead it was just humiliating. I stood right in front of her asking that in front of who knows how many people only to have her run away into the bathroom and not come out. I was so angry and hurt that I actually left her at the theater! I couldn't stand being there any longer. I ran away from the humiliation.. I never actually stopped to think about how she had felt..

I came back to present time staring at the rain that was hitting my window. Ever since that day, i have been thinking only about this situation. My memory kept replaying that whole scene over and over, non stop. I could see her smiling and happy. She looked like she was coming back from whatever hell she was in. My Bella. Then, in one minute, I fucked it up. I ruined everything.

"Bella.." I whispered to myself. I closed my eyes, trying to get the memories out of my head. I sat up on my bed and looked around my very small room. I felt so stupid now. I saw what Bella looked like when she first lost that pale faced freak. She was a broken shell. The part of her that made her Bella was shredded so bad, she was hardly recognizable. I remember my dad talking on the phone trying to reassure a nearly crying Charlie that she would be ok when she fell into her weird catatonic state. Since my dad had daughters, he knew what it was like when girls got dumped. My older sisters went through their fair share of break ups, I remember listening to them cry about it. But Charlie kept saying that Bella was different and that something was seriously wrong.

Then as I started spending time with her, I realized how great she was. I could definitely tell that her ex had hurt her. She was quiet and kept to herself. Some days I would see her eyes red and puffy and on more than one occasion, she would wrap her arms around herself and pull tightly... like she was holding herself together. Slowly though, as she got more comfortable with me just coming by every now and then, she opened up. she was actually fun. I always enjoyed her company, even when we just sat in silence. I was never bored when I was around her. She never wanted to talk about the pale face or his family and I never asked.

I thought the Cullen loser was a complete idiot for breaking up with her when I found out about what happened. I heard the cruel rumors, almost everyone did even out on the reservation. The hate she got was horrible, especially since it was fake.. Even if the rumors were true, None of what Bella was accused of was good enough to dump her over..

I'm sure me asking for her to be my girlfriend probably threw her off.. I mean yeah, we had hung out at her place a lot before her big trip down to the reservation. It was only for a few hours every other day when my dad would go spend time with Charlie, but I felt that we had grown close. When she was at my place, I swore I could feel her wanting to be with me.. But I was wrong...

I opened my phone and found the messages. I started to read each one. I've started to do this a lot lately. It's like a weird way of torturing myself. I winced with every cruel insult and comment. God, I wish I could unsend messages. I regretted all the horrible things I said to her. When i got to the message where i told her to end herself, i threw my phone into a pile of clothes on the ground. i groaned. i fell back onto my bed and covered my eyes with my arm. I wanted to scream or cry, but it was like something was stopping me. These emotions were building up, and no matter what I did, I had no way to let them out. I uncovered my eyes and just stared at the ceiling. I was starting to worry that I hadn't heard anything from her, but I'm sure she was just ignoring me. She wouldn't hurt herself.

Again, I got a flashback of earlier in the week when I sent that last message. I was in the garage working on my car. I was trying to distract myself. Suddenly, my text alert went off. My heart lept. I bet it was Bella. Maybe she was finally ready to talk to me again! I ran so fast that i knocked my tool box over and the tools went flying. I didn't care, I just wanted to get to her

But it wasn't her.. It was a message from Embry. I glared at the phone. I could feel my anger rising. I was so mad that she was still ignoring me. How could she do this to me?! Before I knew what i was doing, I had texted Bella all the meanest things I could think to say. I told her what i thought of her and what she should do to herself. I told her she would be blocked if she didn't answer me right away. As my finger went towards the send button, i got a split second of clarity. I wanted to stop, but my anger was overpowering my common sense. As soon as the message was sent, i realized what i had done. The anger completely disappeared, only to be replaced with fear and regret.

i leaned up against the wall of the garage glaring at the phone, the anger returning. i concentrated on the phone and willed it to ring. i would wait as long as it takes. i waited and waited... and waited.

3 hours later, i was in the same spot, and i was sore and pissed. with every second that went by, i was growing more and more angry. I wanted to punch something. i settled for the garage wall. There was a crunch and a searing pain. No relief. So now i was angry, sore and now in pain. It didn't feel broken, but it hurt. I'd definitely have a bruise tomorrow.

I just needed to talk to Bella. I needed to apologize, I needed to explain myself. i just needed to hear her voice. I thought about calling her house phone. Maybe if she had me blocked on her cell, she would answer me on her house phone. But then i remembered Charlie. Charlie said to never contact her again. If i called the house phone and Charlie picked up, he would be furious. That's the last thing i needed to deal with right now.

I remembered pacing back and forth while trying to figure out what to do. I decided to try and call her. It rang once, only to be sent to voicemail. i hung up and called again and again. By the 5th missed call, my anger was at its peak. The 6th call went straight to voicemail again, but this time, i left the worst voicemail i could have sent her. I again told her what she should do to herself. I told her lies to hurt her. I wanted to make her feel as bad as i did.

As i was ending the message, my friends Quil and Embry came in. I froze. How much had they heard? Their faces were filled with shock. Embry looked angry. They must have heard more than I thought. Right behind them was Seth. He looked horrified. He tried so say something but all that came out was a strangled cry. Seeing their expressions had brought me back from the bottomless pit of anger that i was falling in. I had done it again.

Coming out of that memory, i groaned, slid off the bed and sank to the floor in the fetal position. How could i have been so stupid?! How could i have said all that to my best friend?! I really loved her.. How could i be so cruel...

Suddenly I heard the home phone ring. My heart jumped up into my throat before plummeting down into my stomach. The amount of fear that I had every time the phone rang was insane. Ever since that day, every time the phone rang, I wondered if it would be one of the elders who found out what was said and reported it to my Dad. That or Bella actually did do something, and Charlie was letting us know.. I wasn't sure which one terrified me more.

I heard my dad answer the phone. I listened as best as I could without opening my door. i heard him greet Sue Clearwater. hmm. Maybe she was just checking up on him. She would do that from time to time with almost everyone, especially the Elders.

"How are you-" silence. I heard his friendliness suddenly turn to confusion.

"wh-what did you say? No no there has to be some mistake. Jake couldn't ha-" He got cut off. I was right, one of the guys had told. A flash of anger raged in my chest but was immediately doused with fear.

"what are you talking about?" I could hear him becoming annoyed. He hated to be cut off in a conversation. "a voicemail? what about a voi-" again he was cut off. His voice got quiet but i could still hear him. "and you are sure of this? No. Let me speak to him. I will handle this on my own..." His voice got deep and he sounded more angry than I have ever heard him sound.

i heard him sigh and put the phone back on the receiver. My heart started to beat a mile a minute. My dad may be in a wheelchair but he was still very intimidating when he wanted to be. I could hear the wheels on the floor, creaking towards me. There was a calm knock at my door. I wanted to hide. shaking from head to toe, i got up and walked across the small room, tripping on some laundry in the process. I opened the door and looked for my dad. He was no longer in front of my door but was now slowly rolling himself to the kitchen table. i rushed over and got him the rest of the way there. Once he was parked, i quickly sat in the chair across from him.

He looked at me with sad, questioning eyes. i could tell that he was hoping the news he just got was fake. When he spoke, it was with authority.

"Im sure you heard the phone call i just got..?" I slowly nodded, and he continued. "Then please answer me truthfully.. what is happening? why are you getting accused of such nonsense?" I looked at him but looked away immediately. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, I put my head in my hands and groaned.

"no.. Jacob.."

"D-d-dad.. wh-what happened was.." I had no way of defending my actions. i could not speak anything but the truth to my father. I chanced another glance at him and instantly regretted it. His face was not lined with anger or rage. Anger I could have dealt with.. no, his face held pure disappointment. I had embarrassed him and the Black family name. I hung my head. How could i have done this to him? I just fuck everything up..

Billy sighed and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he took a deep breath and held out his hand. "I'm guessing you messaged her too.. Let me see them." I nodded. i stood with shaking legs and slowly went back to my room to retrieve my phone. As i was walking back, random ideas went through my head. My father was a smart man, but when it came to electronics, he was lost. I could have easily deleted the messages or hid them from him. I looked up and saw my father's expression. No, I knew i couldn't do that. That would be disrespectful to him. i had already embarrassed him enough.

I opened my phone and scrolled to the beginning. I slowly handed him the phone and sat back down. I couldn't look at him. It felt like hours as he read each message. I heard him sigh and groan with every bad word i wrote.. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, my dad set my phone down and cleared his throat to get my attention. I looked up. His expression had changed from sad to disgusted. He just stared at me, the guilt was getting to me..

Silence. Then suddenly "How could you be so STUPID?!" I was taken aback. He never spoke to me like that. All I could do was stare sadly back at him. I knew why I wrote it at the time, but now it made absolutely no sense.. before I could say anything though my father's voice was rising. "This was your friend, Jacob.. You said this to your best friend who needed you.. She went through something traumatic and instead of being a protector, you decided to destroy her!"

I was numb. i could hear his voice repeating his last sentence over and over in my head. "*you destroyed her.. you destroyed her..*" i shut my eyes as though that would make the echoing stop. i silently begged for this all to stop but i knew i deserved every bit of this misery.

suddenly i heard him gasp. i sat up, wondering what was the matter.. He looked at me with now scared and disappointed eyes. "Do you not realize that the girl that you just said this stuff to is the daughter of the SHERIFF?! This is illegal, Jacob! I may not know a lot about this type of electronic tech stuff but I'm pretty sure telling the sheriffs daughter to go kill herself is one of the worst things you could do!"

Suddenly my dad froze. His voice was quiet and quivering as he said "IF Bella decided to do what you suggested... if she decided to kill herself, you could face charges.. if she did succeed... you could face serious jail time... all because you were hurt that she didn't accept your silly little relationship proposal.." he looked like an old broken man now. He basically was. if i was arrested, he would have no one. He let my phone clatter to the floor as he silently rolled himself to his bedroom. I sat in shock and horror. Bella wouldn't try and commit suicide.. would she? No. She wouldn't leave Charlie. She wouldn't leave me. Would she?