I keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault
Someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts
Only your actions talk.
Arizona never gives her an answer, no matter how many times Amelia has asked. The pact still lingers between them unresolved. Amelia knows she should bring it up again to see if Arizona has made up her mind, but her thoughts are elsewhere.
Her mind is still reeling from the fact that tonight, she made out with her best friend while straddling her lap. As if that wasn't enough, she even crossed another line, grinding against the same lap of the girl who's been her best friend since they were fifteen. Just amazing.
Amelia isn't exactly sure if kissing her best friend again was the best or worst decision she's ever made. But it happened, and, honestly, she'd probably regret not doing it—especially now that she knows just how capable Arizona is of making her feel like this.
It feels almost sinful to think of Arizona this way. She'd never felt like this in all the years they'd been friends, but all it took was one kiss to steal her thoughts completely. Now, she finds herself checking her phone more often than before, hoping—maybe even wishing—that Arizona will reach out and confess she's been thinking the same.
She runs her hand over the fabric of her jeans, remembering the way Arizona held her not too long ago. When she closes her eyes, it's as if she can still hear Arizona moaning in her ear, feel her breath brushing against her lips, the softness of her body, and the way she'd pulled her in so roughly, hooking her fingers around her belt loops to guide her hips forward. The memory leaves her feeling touch-starved, and she's already getting wet again just thinking about it.
Frustration wells up inside her, knowing she never got the release she craved because they had to stop too soon. She tries to deny the feelings and keeps telling herself that Arizona is her best friend. But her mind and body betray her every time.
Also, it has been a while for her.
It's been a while since anyone has made her feel this way.
She's just a girl with needs, and if she has to deal with it herself right now, there's no shame in that either.
Knowing how wet she is right now, she realizes it won't take much. She takes a deep breath, adjusts herself in bed, and makes herself comfortable before popping open her jeans. Guilt gnaws at her as if she's committing a crime—but she needs this because there's no way she'll be able to sleep otherwise.
Amelia freezes the moment her phone beeps. She jolts upright, leaning against the headboard, her heart racing as she sees Arizona's name flash on the screen. Expecting Arizona to call her out for what happened earlier—for crossing that line and risking their friendship—Amelia braces herself for the inevitable reality check.
But when she opens the notification, the message isn't what she expects. Instead, it only fuels the fire inside her. An unsolicited whine slips past her lips as she rereads the words, just to be sure.
"I can't stop thinking about you."
With shaky hands, she types in a response—and finds herself biting her lip as she tries to hold back a smile."Guess we're even because you haven't left my mind since you dropped me off at home."
Amelia takes a deep breath and tosses her phone to the other side of the bed, convinced that Arizona won't reply. She's taken by surprise when her phone beeps again, with another message from Arizona reeling her back in.
"I miss having you on my lap, just kissing you."
Amelia turns her phone away, hardly believing that any of this is real— that Arizona is saying these things to her when they've never talked this way or known how Arizona would flirt. Now she's doing all these things, and it makes Amelia increasingly aware of the heat pooling in her core. She feels her heart racing as she types out her next message.
"I've been replaying it in my head. I wish it didn't have to end so soon."
Amelia hardly moves, yet she notices how quickly Arizona is typing back.
"You should have stayed longer. I wasn't done with you."
Amelia's breath hitches as she reads the words, her mind replaying that exact moment when she had a taste of Arizona and the thought of what could have happened further if they never stopped.
"What would you have done if I stayed?"
It drives her crazy how much she wants Arizona right now.
"I would have fucked you right at that very booth."
Fuck.
It's crazy how Arizona's not holding herself back anymore. Amelia feels herself getting hot as she quickly sheds her jacket and dives back into her phone to type a reply.
"How about you tell me, what you'd do to me right now. If you were here?
It didn't take too long for Arizona to respond.
"I'd pin you against the bed, my hands all over you. This time, my lips won't just be on your mouth."
Amelia moans at that thought, her imagination filling in the rest as she quickly types back.
She can hardly believe how much more aroused she feels, overwhelmed by where this is all heading. The fear of letting go and giving in to her desires tugs at her, but she finds she doesn't care about anything else. All she can think about are the things Arizona could do to her.
Before she can restrain herself, her fingers tap fast across the screen, typing out her intrusive thoughts.
"Arizona, I'm really wet right now. Please tell me what to do. I can't handle this anymore."
Arizona doesn't reply as quickly as she has been for the past few messages, and Amelia fears she may have overwhelmed her. Panic rises within her, and just as she contemplates unsending the message, Arizona finally responds.
"Touch yourself for me then, Amelia."
Fuck.
Well, Amelia's a good listener. So when Arizona tells her to touch herself, that's exactly what she did.
She slips her hand inside her jeans and past her panties, moaning as her wetness coats her fingers. Amelia jerks at the first swipe, two fingers pressing into her folds, her mind racing thinking about how this is exactly how she wants Arizona to fuck her if she were here.
She pants slowly, feeling herself buck against her hand, aware that if she keeps up this pace, she'll come fast. Yet, deep down, she doesn't want to, she wants this to last.
With her free hand, she grabs her phone and types a quick message, realizing that multitasking is harder than she lets on.
"Fuck, it feels so good."
She wishes she could simply call Arizona or ask her to come over so she could be the one to do these things to her.
"Keep going for me, Amelia. Fuck yourself like how you want me to fuck you."
God, Arizona just knows exactly what she wants to hear. She shuts her eyes tight as she thrusts her fingers deeper into herself, a loud moan escaping her mouth once again when she feels the pressure building. Each movement sends waves of pleasure coursing through her body as she imagines Arizona's hands guiding her, urging her to never stop.
With every thrust, she imagines Arizona on top of her—their bodies entwined and breathless. She imagines Arizona whispering for her to never stop looking at her, and her clit aches at that thought. Amelia feels herself dripping down her legs as she quickens the pace, desperate to reach her peak.
She needs to come, and she desperately wants to hear Arizona's voice. She feels herself getting close, so she types out a message with shaky fingers.
"Arizona, please call me. I need to hear your voice while I come. I want you to talk me through it."
Amelia freezes her pulse, racing at the weight of her own words. She's crossed yet another line, and she knows this is far from something a best friend should ask. But here she is, letting her desire take control, fingers buried deep inside her, more desperate than she's ever felt before.
Her thoughts come to a halt when her phone rings, Arizona's picture—one she took not too long ago—flashing on the screen alongside her name. Without hesitation, she answers, her voice trembling as she presses the phone to her ear.
"Arizona…" Her voice is breathless, desperate.
"I'm here," Arizona's voice is smooth, dangerously low, sending a shiver down Amelia's spine. "Are you still touching yourself for me?"
"Yes," Amelia whispers, her hand still moving at the same pace, though her breath is already ragged. "I'm so close... please—I need you," she stammers.
"Slow down," Arizona commands softly. "Let's savor this. You don't get to come until I say so."
God.
Amelia whimpers, her body obeying Arizona's words, but every part of her is begging for release. She doubts she can hold on any longer. "Fuck, I can't—" she gasps.
"You can," Arizona soothes, her voice comforting with a teasing edge, and it sounds so hot in Amelia's ear. "You're doing so good, Amelia. Keep going... just like that."
Amelia's hips lift slightly off the bed, her body writhing under her own touch as Arizona's words push her further. She feels like she might pass out. She can't hold it much longer—even though it feels so fucking good.
"Please, Arizona," she begs, voice trembling, almost on the verge of tears. "Please—fuck!"
She hears a soft sigh from Arizona, and she feels something shift—the tension between them thickens. Amelia's stomach tightens at the thought that Arizona is probably touching herself right now, too.
"I love hearing you beg," Arizona whines, her voice thick with the same desire Amelia feels. "I want you to come hard for me now. Let go."
The words send Amelia over the edge. Her body trembles violently as she reaches her climax, a loud moan tearing from her throat as she curses Arizona's name. She arches her back, her hips lifting off the bed as if she might tip over, but she doesn't care.
"Oh, fuck, Arizona," she gasps, her voice trembling slightly. Her phone slips from her hand as she comes hard, panting slowly now, fingers still moving inside her as she rides down from the high Arizona has given her.
"That's it, Amelia. Taking it like a good girl for me..." Arizona's voice is steady and soft, velvety in her ear as she talks her through it. Amelia is pretty certain she could come again just from hearing Arizona say those words. "I wish I could be there to feel you."
Amelia lies there, recovering, barely breathing as she still holds her phone to her ear, Arizona's comforting voice never stopping on the other end.
"God, I've never let go like that," she admits, inhaling slowly as she gently pulls out.
"Are you okay?" Arizona asks.
Amelia smiles, her heart still pounding, but her body feels relaxed. "More than okay… that was amazing."
She hears the blonde laugh on the other end of the line, and the sound warms her all over again. Amelia wishes Arizona were there with her. "You sound so beautiful when you come," she adds.
A soft laugh escapes her lips, her cheeks flushing at the compliment. "Well, it turns out you know exactly how to drive me crazy—"
"I wish I could taste you off your fingers." Arizona cuts her off in the best way, leaving Amelia feeling light-headed from how direct Arizona is.
"Arizona," she croaks, her voice weak—not just from the aftermath, but also because she's thinking the same thing and doesn't know exactly how to tell Arizona that she wants it too. She knows she's already asking too much; she's been doing so since that moment at Joe's, and she doesn't know how to stop now. "C-can you please come here? Iwantto see you," she finally admits.
She feels like she's lost her whole dignity for asking that, for asking her best friend exactly that—but they feel so unfinished. Amelia doubts she could ever stop asking, not when her body and mind crave no one but Arizona.
Amelia swears she should stop expecting so much from Arizona. But she's known her almost her whole life—has been with her through every win and every challenge life has thrown her way. Amelia knows every heartbreak behind every girl, knows what makes her happy, and understands what throws her off. Amelia knows her down to the very last detail. Arizona's protective of her and always makes sure to hold a space in her heart where Amelia would feel safe. Though she is outgoing and carefree, she knows when to be serious around Amelia.
Arizona hates seeing her cry and provides solace when things don't go Amelia's way. So, for Amelia to simply ask her this—something that could be the final nail in the coffin of everything they've built—she expects a no.
But what she hears is a yes.
And when Arizona finally shows up at the door, they make sure not to waste any time.
When they move together, it seems as if they are two completely different people—yet at the same time, two people who know each other so well over the years.
This is the first time they've been this intimate, and Amelia feels selfish for thinking, how could she not have done this before with Arizona? How could she not think that Arizona might be the one for her? She's everything she hoped and prayed anyone would be for her.
Maybe the puzzle pieces fit effortlessly into place because they're coming from a place where they have history and a deep understanding of each other. With Arizona, she feels at ease, and with her, she feels seen, where she doesn't make up parts of herself just so she can impress her.
When they finish off for what seems like the fourth time that night, as their breaths mingled and their bodies collapsed and exhausted almost atop of each other in bed, she finds the kind of peace that she's been looking for her whole life.
Her head rests atop Arizona's chest, and she savors the feeling of being this close to her, listening to the soft hum of her heartbeat as Arizona kisses the top of her head tenderly, hugging her tight.
They are both naked, covered under the same sheets, and there is immense pride in knowing that Arizona's scent lingers all over the covers. She sighs happily, feeling her body vibrate with contentment when Arizona finally speaks again.
"What are you thinking?"
Amelia hums, finding the blonde's hand as she flips them over to interlace her fingers with Arizona's. "How I could get used to this every day."
Arizona laughs, and Amelia sits up slightly to face her—her body still on top of Arizona, allowing the blonde to skim her fingers across her face. "Do you think we could..." she trails off. The implication of wanting more hangs in the air. Without needing to say it, they both know exactly what she means and honestly, the thought brings her back to reality, making her feel slightly terrified.
She wants to know what Arizona thinks, and what Arizona wants.
"What do you want?," she softly asks, letting Arizona take the lead. Arizona's eyes glaze over Amelia and their intertwined hands, and Amelia feels a pang in her chest, realizing that no one has ever looked at her that way or cared for her in the same way Arizona has.
"I want you," she simply says, and Amelia feels something build inside her throat, making her want to cry, "I want to give this a try,"
It's good—everything about this feels right, but there's something unsettling lingering at the back of her mind, and she knows it needs to be said. "I can't lose you if we don't work out."
It's crazy how she never considered this before Amelia crossed the line. She let her emotions get the best of her without thinking about the fact that they had been the best of friends since they were fifteen. The sudden shift from friendship to something more isn't something that could happen so easily.
"I can't either, but don't think I can ever stop feeling like this for you—not after everything that's happened tonight," the blonde admits. She furrows her brow, looking slightly anxious, and Amelia wishes there was a way to assure her that nothing bad is ever going to happen—not when it's already them.
"How about we take it slow?," she suggests, watching adorably as Arizona's smile breaks into a grin.
Arizona catches both of Amelia's wrists as she sits up, rolling them over so that she's now on top. "I can do slow," she tells her, giving a wink before leaning down to capture her lips once again.