Messy top lip kiss
How I long for our trysts
Amelia finds herself falling in love with Arizona. She's certain of these words now, after a full year of knowing and being with her.
Nothing much has changed—it's still Arizona and Amelia. Only this time, there's more emphasis on the fact that it's Amelia with Arizona now. They've been inseparable as if that's even more possible since they work together at the same hospital and practically live together. They still keep their own apartments, but most of Amelia's things are now at Arizona's.
Arizona has become her favorite secret to keep. They've promised to keep this between them for now, until they decide to finally make things official.
They have no label, and it seems better that way—no expectations, no need to endure a series of bad dates or bad decisions. They no longer have to worry about getting hurt or disappointed when things go south.
All they have is each other, an unspoken commitment that it's just them, together, in their own little world.
They find themselves at Arizona's place again, in her bed—limbs entwined, the back of Amelia's head resting against Arizona's chin. They're watching a silly old romcom, sharing a bowl of popcorn, just like they used to in high school. Only this time, there's no space between them, and Arizona's arms are wrapped around her once again, keeping her safe.
Arizona dips her head down, tilting Amelia's head softly to the side so she can plant kisses on her neck. "What's on your mind?" She mumbles between kisses, her lips traveling further, the movie now long forgotten.
Amelia whimpers, leaning into her touch and tilting her head further to give Arizona more access. "Thinking about the time you punched Rody in the face."
Arizona laughs from behind, pulling back to meet her eyes. "That asshole cheated on you and still expected you to forgive him—how could I forget?"
Amelia smiles, tucking her head back against Arizona's chin as she guides Arizona's hand to wrap around her chest. "How about that time you argued with Sarah, and Mrs. Beckett had to kick you both out of the library?"
"She stood you up on your very first date. That's a major red flag," Arizona reasons, and Amelia finds herself in awe that she still remembers. There were a couple more bad dates after med school, and Amelia is sure Arizona remembers those too. She loves how Arizona has been her constant, always showing up for her—every single time, without needing to be asked.
"You're amazing," Amelia tells her genuinely, and she hears Arizona sigh happily at the words. Arizona guides Amelia up so she can straddle her lap, just like how things started a year ago at Joe's. Arizona looks at her again, admiring the way Amelia wears nothing but Arizona's oversized shirt. Her hands rub gently against Amelia's upper thighs, a smile spreading so wide that her dimples show, never breaking eye contact.
"You're never going to find yourself in that situation again, Amelia," Arizona says, squeezing her thigh gently in reassurance. "I promise."
Amelia kisses her, losing herself in Arizona all over again.
When she takes the lead and guides her to bed, it takes everything in Amelia not to say how much she loves her.
27
Amelia has been worried sick about Arizona for weeks, so she stays at Arizona's place, taking the couch while Arizona sulks in bed all day.
At night, she hears Arizona crying about Maddie, and she can't stay away. She joins her, resting her head on Arizona's lap, comforting her through the tears. Sometimes, she wishes she could punch Maddie for hurting her best friend like this—for walking away so easily, choosing her job over the person she claimed to love for four years as if Arizona meant nothing.
Amelia's heart clenches every time Arizona wonders aloud if she'll ever be able to love again. She finds herself crying, too, every time she feels Arizona's tears slip onto her thigh as she rests her head on Amelia's lap.
There's little else she can say, but she always whispers, "You're going to find someone, someday, Arizona." She runs a gentle hand through her hair, her touch soft, and hears the blonde sigh. "And when you do, you'll forget all the hurt you feel right now."
"I can't picture a life where I don't end up with her," Arizona says, and Amelia doesn't know how or why she finds herself getting hurt by that. She tries to remind herself that Maddie is her girlfriend, and everything that Arizona feels and says about her is valid and has nothing to do with Amelia. Because Amelia is just her best friend, and she finds herself saying that they're so much better because friendships don't break. "I don't think I'll ever stop loving her," she adds.
A small, selfish part of Amelia wonders if Arizona would feel the same if, someday, something were to happen between them. If Arizona would be just as scared of losing her, if Arizona's love for her could ever be greater than the love she has for Maddie. But Amelia stops herself, reminding herself that tonight isn't about her—it's about Arizona. She pushes the thought aside, knowing that nothing could ever tear them apart and that they were meant to be best friends forever. And as her best friend, it's Amelia's unspoken duty to protect her.
If there's one undeniably clear thing, it's that Amelia has more love for Arizona than Maddie does for her own girlfriend.
Amelia takes a breath before gently guiding Arizona's face to look at her as she still lies on her lap. "Hey." Arizona faces her, her eyes sad and heavy, focusing on Amelia's gaze. She looks so small and vulnerable that it only makes Amelia feel more protective. "I'll make sure you never find yourself in this situation again."
"Amelia–"
"No," she cuts her off, her voice soft yet certain. "One day, someone is going to come into your life and make you realize why it didn't work out between you and Maddie."
"What do you want to eat later?" Arizona asks as they wait for the elevator to reach their floor. "Besides me, of course," she adds with a suggestive wink, to which Amelia just laughs, grateful it's only the two of them inside.
"Kind of in the mood for Joe's tonight," she replies, nudging Arizona's shoulder with a smirk. "Really craving for some good cheeseburger and fries right now."
"Oh, shit. That sounds perfect—with milkshake too," Arizona adds.
"Fuck, yeah," Amelia agrees, amused that they still see eye-to-eye when it comes to food.
"Okay, Joe's tonight it is," Arizona decides, grabbing Amelia's hand to place a quick kiss on the back of it.
Amelia nods at the plan, but then pulls Arizona closer, knowing they'll have to part ways in just a few seconds. "Hey. Kiss me good before you go," she says.
Amelia catches Arizona's lips in a quick kiss at first, but it deepens when she gives in. She parts Arizona's lips, running her tongue along her mouth, kissing her back with so much intensity that it leaves her breathless.
They get so swept up in the moment that they barely notice the elevator reaching the peds floor. They miss the ding entirely, only to be interrupted by the sound of Maggie clearing her throat to get their attention.
Almost like two kids caught making out in the backseat of a car, they instantly pull away. Arizona quickly straightens the collar of her lab coat and acknowledges Maggie as she steps out of the elevator, "Thanks for the consult, Dr. Shepherd!"
Amelia bites back a laugh as Maggie steps in, narrowing her eyes—half-pissed, half-amused that they've been keeping their secret from her.
"When did that happen?!"
So, she tells Maggie everything, not because she feels guilty, but because for the first time, Amelia is truly happy, and she needs someone to share that with. Maggie listens, catching up on everything that's happened over the past year, and is relieved to hear that Amelia is just as happy as she is. She admits that she's been silently rooting for them all along, and it was only a matter of time before they got together.
Amelia also explains their current situation—that they've mutually agreed not to put a label on it for now, which is why they've kept it a secret for a year.
Maggie's expression shifts from surprise to skepticism as Amelia tries to explain that this is the best solution they can come up with for now. She talks about how they began as best friends and how neither of them wants to lose that if anything bad happens. But the more she speaks, the more Amelia realizes how ridiculous she sounds—because if she's known all along that she's in love with Arizona, it shouldn't have taken this long to realize they deserve more than just a secret. What they share is rare, something that deserves to be out in the open.
With Maggie's gentle nudge, Amelia makes up her mind—tonight, she'll ask Arizona to make things official, to be her girlfriend, her partner—to finally be hers.
Tonight, she'll tell Arizona that she's in love with her.
Amelia walks into Joe's, with a bouquet of peonies in one hand. She can't help but feel a little ridiculous, but Maggie had assured her that flowers are the perfect way to win someone's heart. Knowing that peonies are Arizona's favorite makes it even more meaningful. Amelia doubts anyone has ever given Arizona flowers—aside from patients or parents of her patients as a way of saying thanks—so she's confident she'll be the first to give them to her in this way.
Dressed in casual clothes, having already changed out of her scrubs, Amelia receives a text from Arizona, saying she's gone ahead. Amelia replies, asking her to order on her behalf, making a quick excuse about catching up on paperwork to explain her delay. When in reality, she's been standing in front of the mirror, rehearsing everything she wants to say before asking Arizona to make their relationship official.
It feels a little surreal that this day has finally come. Arizona is her best friend, the one who loved her before she even learned to love herself. There's nothing Amelia wants more than to be with her in a way that no one else could. She hopes everything will go as she imagines—that Arizona will say yes, and they'll leave together as they always do, only this time as something more.
Amelia spots Arizona waiting for her at their usual booth on the far left side of the room, feeling both nervous and excited with each step she takes toward her. However, her excitement shifts to slight confusion when she notices Arizona isn't technically alone—she's talking to someone else.
Amelia assumes the woman Arizona is talking to is likely one of the scrub nurses, but as she gets closer to the booth, she starts to recognize the features of the person. The woman is facing Arizona, so Amelia can only see the back of her head, but a strange feeling creeps in—it's definitely someone they both know. The thought only magnifies when she glances at Arizona and sees the way she looks back at the woman, as if she's known her, her whole life, and someone she shares a deep history with.
And it's not Amelia.
When she finally reaches their booth, Arizona's gaze shifts to meet hers, and for the first time in a year of intimacy—and after years of friendship—Amelia finds it impossible to read Arizona's expression.
As the mystery woman turns to look at her, everything clicks into place. It's Maddie.
Maddie. Arizona's ex, whom she dated for almost four years.
Who had to leave because of an opportunity abroad. Who left Arizona devastated and was the reason why Arizona has struggled for so many years when it came to dating.
Arizona was forced to move on, simply because she had to, because she couldn't afford to leave Seattle, although Amelia doubts whether Arizona had ever truly moved on.
Not when they were this close to being married. Not when it was Amelia who was with her when she bought the ring. Amelia, who stood by Arizona, picked up the pieces for her because a part of Arizona died the day Maddie left.
She was Arizona's one great love. Amelia remembers how Arizona vowed she could never love again the way she loved Maddie, but now she fears if that still holds true—not when Arizona is with Amelia now.
Was Amelia merely filling the void Maddie had left in Arizona's heart? Was Arizona letting her in simply because there was no one else?
Now, she's back—and Amelia doesn't know if it's for good or just a quick visit. She doesn't care.
She hates that she has so much she wants to say to Arizona but feels as though she has already lost her.
To Maddie.
"Amelia, hi," Maddie greets her. A small part of Amelia wants to ignore her, but she forces a smile and waves back before taking her place beside Arizona, where she feels she rightfully belongs.
Arizona's hand finds Amelia's waist, and Maddie quickly notices. Her gaze shifts from Arizona's hand to her eyes, lingering just long enough for Amelia to catch it.
"Hi, Maddie. It's good to see you," Amelia says, though she flinches internally as she fakes a smile—because it's a lie. She's not happy. In fact, she'd much rather punch her in the face. "What brings you here?" she adds, struggling to keep her tone civil.
It frustrates Amelia how Maddie hasn't taken her eyes off Arizona since she arrived. She finds Maddie rude and off-putting, and Amelia's sure it won't be long before she says something offensive—like implying that Arizona wants nothing to do with her anymore.
But that's just her.
"Well, I got redeployed back to Seattle," Maddie sighs, then redirects her attention fully to Arizona with a sly smile. "And I'm back for good."
That was all it took for Arizona to glance back at Maddie, genuine surprise flickering across her course.
To rub salt in the wound, Arizona drops her hand from Amelia's waist, turning all her attention to Maddie. It stings to watch her so intrigued by Maddie's response, and it hurts even more how quickly she lets go of her, as if it's a sign telling Amelia that she should start taking all these personally.
"For good?" Arizona asks, almost in disbelief, to which Maddie simply nods.
"Do you two want to talk? I can give you some space," Amelia offers, her words genuine, though she can't quite hide the bitterness that slips into her tone. This was supposed to be her night with Arizona. But if this is what Arizona wants—
"Yes, please," Maddie jumps in quickly, but Arizona cuts her off, turning to Amelia with shock, as if she can't believe Amelia is already offering.
"Amelia." Arizona grabs her wrist, leaning in to whisper, "What are you doing?" Her tone is firm, unmistakably angry. But Amelia pulls away, meeting her gaze. She isn't entirely sure why she's reacting this way—maybe she's still thinking about how Arizona dropped her hand from her waist earlier or the fact that she's been by Arizona's side all this time, yet Arizona hasn't even had the nerve to tell Maddie they're together.
"Clearly, you two have some unfinished business," Amelia replies in a hushed tone, careful to keep Maddie from hearing. She's relieved that the background noise of the bar muffles the conversation with the blonde. "It's fine. I'll see you back at the apartment, okay?"
She leaves before Arizona can respond.
She honestly doesn't know how she still has the nerve to expect Arizona to run after her and leave Maddie behind after saying all these words.
But Amelia surely doesn't fight it when tears start to fall from her eyes the minute she steps out of Joe's.
She's lounging comfortably on the couch right now, watching a crappy reality TV show to kill time. It feels weird not to be in Arizona's arms for the first time, just being alone again.
The show is still running while her mind races, thinking about all the things Arizona and Maddie might be doing now.
Technically, Arizona is allowed—after all, Maddie was her ex, and she was what?
A friend she occasionally sleeps with to fill the void? Surely, they are already past that point, and they are so much more than that, but that doesn't stop Amelia from wondering.
Two hours later, Arizona finally comes home, looking exhausted. Amelia hears the front door click shut, and her heart beats faster as she watches Arizona step inside. She listens to her sigh as she sheds her coat and hangs it in the closet. Amelia quietly makes her way over, her eyes fixed on her.
She can't shake the thought of Arizona being with Maddie earlier. The idea eats her out. Jealousy and possessiveness creep in, mixed with a pang of fear. This is Maddie—someone she knows she could never truly compete with, as Arizona once loved her deeply.
She sees Arizona's brow rise slightly, and the soft smile Amelia loves, begins to form on her lips, but she doesn't give her a chance to speak. Instead, Amelia wraps an arm around Arizona's waist, pressing her back against the door and kissing her in a way that leaves no room for questions.
She feels Arizona inhale sharply but doesn't pull back. Instead, Arizona parts her lips beneath Amelia's, allowing her to deepen the kiss. Amelia hikes her thigh upward, pressing against Arizona's center a bit rougher than she intended. They both moan at the sudden contact, and the blonde pulls back, leaving Amelia still as she takes in the sight of Arizona's slight blush and the mix of lust and confusion in her eyes.
"Hi," Arizona murmurs, her voice is soft and she's breathless. She looks as if she wants to say more but Amelia doesn't let her finish, her grip tightening as she leans into her neck, planting kisses on it.
"Did you have a nice time with Maddie?" She asks in the most casual tone, but the way she sucks on her pulse point possessively gives it away. That she doesn't mean it. Before Amelia can even respond, Amelia bites down lightly on her neck, eliciting a whimper from the blonde. "Actually, don't answer that. I don't care." Jealousy bubbles up once more, overwhelming Amelia as her fingers twist in the fabric of Arizona's shirt, urging her to lift it. Arizona complies, revealing her black lace bra beneath.
Arizona's eyes widen, chuckling softly as she brushes her fingers along Amelia's cheek in an attempt to soothe the tension. "Amelia, I don't think this is a good idea –" she begins, but Amelia cuts her off, her hand tightening around her waist.
"Don't," she whispers, her tone thick with desire and frustration. "I just need you… to be here- with me, right now." Her eyes flicker over Arizona before she lowers her gaze, reaching forward to unclasp Arizona's bra with one hand, letting the straps slip from her shoulders. The sight of Arizona's hardened nipples shifts her mind to overdrive, and she licks her lips, brushing her finger gently over one peak, making Arizona tremble.
Amelia's gaze drifts over Arizona's bare chest before returning to meet her eyes, taking in every curve and line, leaving space for her to pull away. But Arizona doesn't waver, her gaze steady, a look of surrender crossing her face that invites Amelia to close the space between them even more.
She dips down to kiss her again, their mouths meeting in a deep, lingering kiss as their tongues clash, both battling for dominance. Amelia kisses her hard, as if there's no tomorrow, hearing Arizona's faint grunt as their lips grow more insistent, bruised from the intensity. Without hesitation, Amelia's mouth begins to wander, claiming the places she considers hers.
Her lips trail from Arizona's mouth, pressing firm kisses along her jawline and down her neck, savoring each shiver and gasp that escapes from the blonde. The kiss travels lower, over Arizona's collarbone, then down to her chest. Locking eyes with Arizona, Amelia never breaks contact as her lips brush over her chest, hearing her breath hitch as she arches her back, pressing closer. Amelia cups her breast, thumb tracing slow circles over the sensitive skin before her lips part, tongue swirling hungrily over Arizona's nipple.
"Fuck, you're killing me here, Shepherd," Arizona whimpers, her breathing growing unsteady, a shiver running through her. Driven to keep going, Amelia's mouth moves slowly, flicking her tongue while her lips close around the peak, sucking with just the right amount of pressure.
Arizona's eyes start to flutter, but she fights to keep her gaze on Amelia as Amelia's hand moves to her other breast, giving it the same slow, lingering attention. Amelia can feel Arizona becoming overwhelmed, her legs weakening as she begins to slide down the door. Without a second thought, Amelia sinks to her knees, cupping Arizona's center both to steady her and to finally do what she's been aching to do since Arizona walked through the door.
While kneeling, Amelia glances up, her eyes silently asking permission as her fingers hover near the waistband of Arizona's jeans. She waits patiently while Arizona catches her breath, recovering slowly until she gives a quick, eager nod, biting her lip. With slightly shaky hands, Amelia pops the button open, sliding the zipper down as Arizona braces herself against the door.
Amelia eases Arizona's jeans down, exposing her thighs inch by inch in a slow, deliberate tease. With each new inch of skin revealed, Amelia leans in to press soft kisses, savoring every moment as she slides the jeans down to the floor. She bends to kiss the sensitive skin of Arizona's inner thigh, her thumb tracing slow circles just above her knee before her lips travel higher, brushing close to her center. She pauses, mouth hovering as she feels Arizona's warmth through her underwear, already soaked.
"Mine," she whispers, claiming Arizona in a way that makes it clear no one else ever could. Arizona's fingers find their way into Amelia's hair, tugging her close as Amelia discards the last remaining garment that separates them.
She hears Arizona gasps, which immediately shift into a high-pitched moan as Amelia slightly lifts her leg, draping it gently over her shoulder. She takes a long swipe down Arizona's slit, barely giving enough room for Arizona to react as she slids her tongue deep inside of her. Arizona half-cries and half-moans as she greedily laps her up and down.
"Fuck, rightthere," Arizona gasps, eyes squeezed tightly shut. "Don't stop." she then adds, desperately pleading, feeling out of breath as she continues to hold Amelia down with her hands on her head, guiding her.
Amelia doesn't say anything in response but eyes her in a way of silent understanding. And though it's only been a few hours since they last fucked, Amelia could not deny how much she has missed how Arizona tasted. Each time she goes down on her feels like the first time, love seeing how Arizona falls apart while she's on her knees each time her tongue would suck her throbbing clit.
Amelia redoubles her efforts as she makes use of her fingers too. She increases the pace, rubbing her clit while her tongue is still inside her. Arizona cries like a shock wave crashes into her, her hips rise as they instinctively buck on her mouth, grinding against her tongue. They both moan at the movement and before she can say anything else, Arizona comes on her face.
She feels her body shake uncontrollably against her mouth as she rides her orgasm, and Amelia soothes her with her fingers moving inside her until she recovers. Arizona never comes so quickly; most of the time, they have this habit of teasing to see how long each can last. But tonight hits differently. Tonight, she is struck with a purpose and an intention of letting everyone know that Arizona is hers.
But does she though?
She feels jealous, but there's also fear, wondering if Maddie fucks her this good. She questions whether making Arizona come is the only thing she's truly good at or if she's just meant to be her best friend. She wonders if Arizona ever sees her as someone capable of loving her deeply, or if that special place in her heart is still reserved for Maddie.
She hates that she finds herself still scared, managing to do everything with Arizona but talk. And she hates herself even more as she pushes forward, leading Arizona back to bed for another round, seeking to numb her thoughts.
Arizona is the first to pass out, for the most obvious reasons. Her head rests on Amelia's chest, and they're both naked under the same sheets. Amelia loves the feel of Arizona's warmth, the strands of blonde hair sprawled across her neck, and the steady breaths that keep her grounded and safe.
God, she loves her.
She is so in love with her that it terrifies her, making her want to wrap her arms around Arizona tighter. She loves Arizona, and she can wholeheartedly proclaim that she belongs only to her.
But does she have the confidence to tell everyone Arizona is hers?
She doubts it, now more than ever.
She is scared to ask, scared of the possibility that all of this could be a fleeting moment for Arizona—that she settled for Amelia because Maddie was unavailable.
But now that Maddie isn't, does she still feel the same?
Amelia has learned to run from situations where she anticipates a terrible outcome. This tendency is evident in how she has handled herself after bad dates in the past. She is a runner, and perhaps it's the only thing she's truly good at. She wants to run before things can get any worse—and now, without even talking to Arizona, she already feels as though she's slipping from her fingers. She dreads hearing Arizona's thoughts. She wishes she weren't so insecure about Maddie. She wishes she were strong enough to face the truth. But she isn't.
Arizonaisher steady compass, her rock, the one who keeps her grounded and lifts her up. But now, with Arizona wrapped up in her own dilemma, Amelia feels alone, with no one to confide in.
She knows Arizonawantsher, but does sheloveher back?
Why is she so afraid to ask?
Amelia is terrified of losing her. She can't bear the thought, especially if it's Arizona. Before she realizes it, tears are streaming down her face.
Her instincts take over, and even though her heart feels unbearably heavy, she begins to pull away from Arizona, moving slowly to avoid waking her. As she stands and gathers her clothes, her eyes linger on Arizona's sleeping form. A tear slips down her cheek when Arizona shifts slightly, exposing the kiss mark on her neck, a painful reminder of what transpired before all of this. Amelia's heart shatters, weighed down with regret for all the moments before all of this that she took for granted.
Once she's dressed, she can't hold back any longer.
Leaning down, she breathes in Arizona's familiar scent and gently kisses her forehead. In the dark, her voice trembles as she whispers before she leaves, "I love you."