The smoke was so thick he could hardly see in front of him. "Roy?" Johnny called out.

"Yeah, right in front of you," Roy called back, "Watch your—"

Johnny took a step and his foot immediately went through before he could stop himself. "Shit. Roy?!"

Roy turned around. "What happened?"

"I…I'm stuck," Johnny told him, "Must have hit a soft spot in the floor."

Roy returned to where Johnny was stuck, kneeling down to examine the area. "Can you move at all?"

"No," Johnny shook his head, "I'm telling you, I'm stuck."

Roy glanced up, the alarmed expression apparent even behind his air mask. "We've gotta get you out of here."

Johnny could hear the flames crackling, growing closer. Roy wouldn't leave him here, he knew that. But he wouldn't let Roy sacrifice himself to save him, either. "Go ahead, Roy. I'll be fine."

Roy shook his head. "I'm not leaving without you."

The heat and the smoke grew more intense, and Johnny was no closer to figuring out how the hell to get free. Finally, he braced himself for one good try. "I'm gonna need you to pull me out."

"Are you crazy?" Roy shouted.

"Just do what you need to do," Johnny told him as he held out his hand.

Roy looked skeptical, but grabbed Johnny's hand, and between the two of them, Johnny could feel himself pulling loose. He was going to make it. Everything was going to be fine.

He felt a searing pain but ignored it as he let Roy pull him out. He was free. All they had to do was find their way out of here.

"Let's go!" Roy yelled as the flames and smoke started to overtake them.

Johnny started to follow Roy, but he was rapidly falling behind. Something didn't feel right. "Roy, wait!"

"No time!" Roy turned to look over his shoulder at Johnny, his eyes going wide, "Johnny, your leg!"

Johnny looked down, only now noticing the bloody stump where his leg should have been. He let out a scream as the flames overtook him—

Johnny sat straight up, his heart pounding so hard it threatened to beat right out of his chest, his breath coming fast and short. It took him a moment to reorient himself. He was safe, he was okay. It was just a bad dream, not even the first one that night.

He heard a door open and heard footsteps coming down the hallway. "Johnny?" Roy's voice called out in the darkness.

"It's okay," Johnny told him, "Go back to bed."

"Are you sure?" Roy asked as he approached, "Sounded like a bad one."

Johnny swallowed hard. This was one of many things he had worried about when making plans to stay here with Roy and Joanne. He didn't want either of them to know how bad these nightmares had gotten. They'd gotten worse, not better as time had gone on.

He absently rubbed his leg, debating how to respond. There was no sense in keeping Roy up with this. "Yeah, I guess it was. Didn't mean to wake anyone up."

"It's okay," Roy told him, "I, uh, kinda warned Jo that you were having some nightmares. Didn't want to upset her."

"Great," Johnny muttered.

There was a long silence before Roy spoke again. "If you wanna talk about it—"

"I don't," Johnny cut him off, "Go back to bed. I'll be fine."

Roy let out a short huff. "Okay. If you need something, just say so."

"G'night, Roy."

Johnny lay down, listening as Roy returned to his bedroom and closed the door before he let out a long sigh of his own. It would be a while before he managed to settle himself back down enough to sleep, if it happened at all. Of all the challenges he had faced so far in his recovery, this was one he hadn't anticipated, and he had no idea what to do. He could go to one of those support groups both Doctor Franklin and Jack had suggested, but he wasn't sure he wanted to talk about this with a whole group of people.

But he knew it wasn't good for him to keep it to himself, either. So where did that leave him? Another set of appointments that someone would have to put themselves out to drive him to, since he couldn't get around on his own? He was already asking so much of people that he was reluctant to ask for anything else.

No, he'd figure out a way to deal with this on his own.

He shifted a little, mindful of his stump, and stretched his arm over his head. How many times over the years had he crashed on this couch, recovering from some injury or another? Joanne had always welcomed him with open arms, the kids too. The kids were thrilled at the prospect of having him around, even when he was hurt and couldn't do much.

There was something about this that was comforting, having a family that wasn't bound by blood, but by simple care and a desire to look out for one another. Johnny used to do that when he and Roy worked together, always taking more than his share of the risk involved so that Roy would always make it home to Joanne.

Who would do that for him now?

The thought of not only no longer working with Roy, but of someone taking his place made something squeeze deep inside his chest. He couldn't help wondering if he and Roy would remain close after this, or if things would change. Things had changed so drastically already that Johnny wasn't sure he could handle any more.

Eventually his eyelids became heavier, and his worries faded to the back of his mind. Maybe he was worried for nothing. It was nothing he would be able to do anything about right now anyway.

He managed a few hours of fitful sleep before the sounds of the DeSoto household coming to life pulled him out of it, and he did some stretches before pushing himself up. With any luck, he could get his prosthesis attached and get up and moving before anyone noticed.

It took a bit of doing, but he managed to get his prosthesis attached and a pair of pajama bottoms pulled on before Joanne and the kids emerged. "Uncle Johnny!" Jenny ran to him first, giving him a quick hug.

"Come on," Joanne told her, "Let's get some breakfast going."

"You want a hand?" Johnny offered.

Joanne waved him off. "We do this every morning. It's just part of our routine."

Roy soon followed, waving at Johnny before making his way toward the kitchen, and Johnny took that as his opportunity to clean up before Joanne took him to his therapy sessions.

He pulled out a change of clothes and pushed himself upright, making his way toward the bathroom. The shower chair was already set up next to the bathtub, and Johnny was able to set it in the tub with little effort. He'd gotten used to using one of these things at rehab, and he had to admit it helped a good deal. The more he could do for himself the better, he figured.

The rest of it was becoming a familiar routine as well. Wash, rinse, take a few minutes to massage the scar and do a few stretches. This part wasn't so bad, really. It was everything else that he wasn't so sure about.

He was trying to be patient. He was. But it was so damn hard.

Finally, he finished bathing and got dressed, grabbing his crutches and making his way slowly down the hallway. It sounded as if it was just Joanne and the kids. Roy was probably already on his way to the station, just like he should have been.

That stabbed at him. He and Roy should be meeting up in the locker room, talking among themselves. He and Chet should be giving each other hell, with Marco and Mike occasionally throwing in their own cracks. Cap should be getting them in order, lining them up for the morning briefing.

Johnny would never be part of that again, and that hurt deeply.

"Coffee's on," Joanne's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Oh, yeah," Johnny nodded, "Thanks."

"Okay, you two need to get on the bus," Joanne told the kids, "Off you go."

"Bye, Uncle Johnny," Jenny hugged him tightly. Chris followed with a quick hug of his own.

"Bye, guys," Johnny replied, "Have fun, be good, all that stuff."

Both kids headed out the door, and Johnny could hear the bus come rumbling down the street, and he watched as both kids climbed on. The doors closed and the bus drove away, and Johnny made his way toward the kitchen.

Joanne already had a mug full of coffee waiting for him on the counter, and he shifted slightly so he could pick it up and lean against the counter to take a drink. "Thanks. You always make a mean cup of coffee."

"I think that's half the reason Roy married me," Joanne laughed, "Are you hungry?"

"Not really," Johnny replied, "Probably need the coffee more than anything else."

"Indeed," Joanne frowned slightly as she poured another cup of her own, "It sounded like you had a pretty rough night."

Johnny shrugged, trying to be casual. "I have nightmares sometimes. It's not a big deal."

Joanne regarded him skeptically. "If you say so."

"Jo, Roy's worrying enough for both of you," Johnny told her firmly, "You don't need to worry any more than that."

"I know you've talked to Roy some," Joanne replied carefully, "And I know you don't want to burden anyone, but maybe there's someone at the rehab facility that you can talk to."

"Right, so you can drive me around some more?" Johnny scoffed, "Nah, you're doing enough for me. I don't need to burden you further."

"It's not a burden," Joanne answered, "You're as much a part of this family as anyone else in this house. You know that. And family takes care of each other. I won't hear any arguments to the contrary."

Johnny couldn't help smiling a little at that, even as he wasn't particularly willing to follow through on that suggestion. "Yes, ma'am."

They chatted idly for a while after that, having another cup of coffee until it was time to head out for his therapy appointment. Joanne pulled up to the entrance and put the car into 'park' before giving him a meaningful look. "I mean it. See if you can find someone to talk to. If it means a little extra driving around, it's fine. We'll work it out."

"Okay," Johnny replied as he climbed out of the car, "Thanks, Jo. I'll see you in a while."

Johnny made his way inside, something clutching at him as he made his way to the physical therapy room. It had only been a few days since his release, but being back here brought back all the memories, all the pain, the struggle, the exhaustion.

This was different, he told himself. After his sessions today, he'd get to leave.

That reminder did nothing to ease the tightness in his chest as he entered the room. He stopped when he saw who was in the room today. "Hi."

"Hi, John," Mary Lynn smiled ever so slightly.

"Where's Cheryl?"

"She took the day off," Mary Lynn answered, "Sometimes I fill in if I'm not scheduled at Rampart. I hope it isn't a problem."

"No, no problem," Johnny answered as he took a seat and set his crutches aside, "Why would there be a problem?"

"I don't know," Mary Lynn simply shrugged, "I read over the notes Cheryl left me. Ready to get started?"

"Sure."

Now that he was in outpatient therapy, more of it would be focused on helping him manage his prosthetic and continuing the strength and stretching exercises to keep himself as balanced as possible. It wasn't getting easier by any means, but Johnny was getting used to the workload.

Mary Lynn seemed pleasantly surprised with his progress. "You're doing great. You've come a long way since you were at Rampart."

"I'm doing my best," Johnny told her. "Still tough learning to drag this thing around with me."

"It is awkward at first," Mary Lynn responded, "But almost everyone seems to adapt in time. Many people go on to live a fairly normal life, especially nowadays. There's a lot more support available, and a lot more options."

"Oh yeah?" Johnny asked, "Like what?"

"Well, there's an organization devoted to amputee athletics," Mary Lynn told him, "You were a pretty active guy before this, right? It might be something to look into."

Johnny had to admit his interest was piqued. "What kind of sports?"

"Swimming, wheelchair basketball, wheelchair tennis, that sort of thing," Mary Lynn explained, "There's even some groups for hiking and climbing. I seem to remember you talking about how much you enjoy that."

"Didn't really think I'd be able to again."

Mary Lynn smiled at that. "You would have to make some adjustments, but there's very little reason you wouldn't be able to if you wanted."

"Have to admit I'm not much for swimming," Johnny told her, "Water rescues are…well, were one of my least favorite kinds of rescues. Roy hates heights, I hate the water."

"Well, this would be contained to a pool," Mary Lynn pointed out, "Unless of course, you were interested in open water swimming."

"Hell, no," Johnny shook his head, much to Mary Lynn's apparent amusement.

"There are some brochures at the front desk of the clinic," Mary Lynn told him, "If nothing else, they're worth checking out."

"I'll do that, thanks," Johnny nodded as he pushed himself upright, "It was good seeing you. I'm staying with Roy and his family for a while until, well, I guess until I figure some things out. If you wanted to come visit, it wouldn't be a problem. And if you don't want to, that's okay, too."

Mary Lynn tilted her head slightly in thought. "I'll tell you what. I have the day off tomorrow. Maybe I could call you. If you're not busy, that is."

"Uh, no, not really," Johnny was flustered as he shifted so that he could dig his memo pad and pen out of his shirt pocket, scribbling down Roy's phone number and ripping off the piece of paper to hand it to Mary Lynn.

Mary Lynn took the piece of paper and examined it briefly before tucking it into her pants pocket. "Well, until tomorrow, then."

"Yeah, yeah," Johnny nodded as he made his way out of the physical therapy room and started toward the occupational therapy room. He still didn't quite believe what had transpired. Sure, Mary Lynn had come to visit while he was in, but he figured that was as much out of pity as anything else. He didn't think she actually liked him.

Not that he really had romance on his mind anyway, not like he normally would. He had too much to think about right now before he could consider that. But having some extra company didn't sound so bad. And if it was from someone like Mary Lynn, all the better.

"Hey, John," Jack greeted him in that booming voice of his.

"Hey," Johnny eyed the parallel bars, "Back at it, huh?"

"Yup," Jack nodded, "We'll start there and see how you're managing. That okay?"

"Sure."

Johnny made his way over to the parallel bars and set his crutches aside, carefully going up the short set of steps. This was getting a little easier, though he still wasn't sure he could manage the stairs at his apartment building just yet. He was a long way from living there again anyway. No sense rushing things.

He lightly rested his hands on the bars and started forward, step, swing, step, swing in the steady rhythm he was slowly getting used to. Maybe he didn't need to hold on to the bars at all.

With his next step, he removed his hands from the bars, letting them hover just above. He quickly realized what a difference even that little bit of support made, and he quickly grasped them again, pausing for a moment.

"You're okay, John," Jack told him, "Just take your time. There's no rush."

Johnny swallowed hard before straightening up and letting go of the bars again, taking a couple of steps, step, swing, step, swing. Okay, this wasn't so bad. This was okay.

He got to the end and paused for a moment before turning around, briefly stumbling when he misjudged the placement of his prosthetic and catching himself on the bars. Once he steadied himself again, he let go of the bars and slowly started making his way back to the other end.

That took more out of him than he anticipated, and he was breathing heavily by the time he got to the other end, but he'd managed. Jack was beaming, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Pretty damn good, John," Jack told him, "You're getting the hang of that thing."

"I guess."

"You are," Jack told him firmly, "It's not easy, dragging that thing around. It feels different, and it moves differently than you're used to. But you're adapting. Might not feel like it, but you are."

Johnny slowly made his way down and took a seat in a nearby chair. "I mean, I'm bound to get used to it in time, right?"

"Sure," Jack nodded, "That's why you're here. You're gonna be able to do just about everything you used to do."

Except what he really wanted to do, of course. But Johnny had accepted that. He responded to Jack with a quick nod before they moved on to other tasks. None of it felt natural, but as Jack kept reminding him, it was all part of the learning process. "You're doing a hell of a lot better than you think you are. Most people do. It's a matter of perspective."

They sat down again, and Jack regarded Johnny with a concerned expression. "Now then, how are things going? You're staying with your friends, right?"

"Right," Johnny nodded, "It's going…okay, mostly. The kids asked a ton of questions at first. Just curious, you know. And I've got a pretty decent set up. The couch is pretty comfortable, so no problems there."

"That's good," Jack answered, "And the nightmares?"

Johnny was silent for a moment before letting out a short huff. "Still happening. Woke up Roy last night. Guess I was screaming my head off."

"Yeah, I can imagine that was pretty unnerving for both of you," Jack acknowledged, "You know, those support groups are still available. Might be of some use."

"I know, I know," Johnny replied quietly, "I don't know if I wanna talk about that in front of a bunch of people."

"A lot of these guys are vets," Jack told him, "If anyone would get what you're going through, it's them."

"I wasn't in a war, though," Johnny argued, "It's not the same thing."

"No, it's not, but don't minimize what happened to you," Jack responded, "I'd imagine it was pretty damn scary, too. Otherwise, you wouldn't be having nightmares about it."

"I'll think about it," Johnny told him, quickly changing the subject, "Mary Lynn was telling me about some athletics groups. I was thinking about checking them out."

"Oh she was, huh?" Jack replied with a slight smirk, "Yeah, swimming's a real popular one. Nothing like it for building full body strength."

"You guys are real hot to get me in the pool," Johnny answered sharply, "Why is that?"

Jack let out a short laugh. "It's nothing personal. It's just damn good exercise, and it's something most people can do with a little training. Now, if you don't know how to swim, that's not a big deal. We've got people here that give lessons."

"I know how," Johnny shot back, "I just, uh, was never really a fan of the water. Did too many damn water rescues."

"Ah, that makes sense," Jack nodded, "Well, if you ever change your mind, it's an option."

"Leaning more toward the hiking and climbing groups," Johnny threw out casually, "I mean, once I'm a little more mobile."

"Sure," Jack nodded, "And you know a great way to build up your strength for that?"

Johnny huffed irritably while Jack laughed. "Okay, I guess I've made my point. I'll see you next time."

"See ya."

Johnny pushed himself upright and made his way out of the room and toward the front desk for the outpatient clinic, browsing through the brochures and picking up a few. All of them were full of smiling faces, of people doing all sorts of activities despite their various disabilities.

He was having trouble picturing himself doing any of those things right now, but maybe, given enough time, he'd be able.

The woman at the desk smiled at him, and he nodded in response before leaving, pausing to take a look at the support group schedule that was posted on a nearby bulletin board. He pulled out his memo pad and pen, writing down a couple of days and times. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to go, just once. If he didn't like it, he didn't have to go again, and he'd figure out his own way to deal with the nightmares. They were bound to go away on their own eventually, weren't they?

He left the rehab facility and took a seat on one of the benches outside to wait for Joanne, flipping through one of the brochures. The pictures sure made it seem like he could live something like a normal life, but something would always be missing, and not just in the physical sense.

Now he was almost dreading going back to the fire department. What would it be like, taking calls and dispatching squads and trucks to calls he'd never be able to answer again? He'd miss that, for sure. There was always something about the sound of the tones dropping that got his blood pumping, no matter how mundane the call might ultimately be.

That's if there was room for him at dispatch. It wasn't as if they could magically create a job for him. If he had to take disability…Christ, he didn't want to think about that, not yet. He was too young for disability. What would he do with the rest of his life?

Joanne's car pulled up, snapping him out of his thoughts as he pushed himself off the bench and made his way over, easing himself into the car.

"What have you got there?" Joanne asked.

"Oh, bunch of stuff about amputee athletics," Johnny told her. "Swimming, basketball, tennis, even hiking and climbing."

"That'd be great if you could get back to hiking and climbing," Joanne replied as she pulled away, "I know how much you love that."

"I'm a pretty long way from doing that," Johnny replied, "Both the therapists are trying to get me into swimming."

Joanne laughed a little at that. "Johnny, you hate the water."

"You don't have to tell me," Johnny answered with a short laugh of his own, "But maybe splashing around in a pool would be a little different than doing a water rescue."

"Maybe," Joanne agreed, "I need to pick up Jenny and go to the store. Would you like to come along?"

"Sure, yeah," Johnny replied, "Anything to get out of the house."

Joanne drove on until they reached Jenny's school, and Jenny soon climbed in the back seat. "Uncle Johnny, what're you doing here?"

"Hitching a ride with your mom," Johnny told her, "Is that okay?"

"Uh-huh," Jenny nodded.

"We've got to stop at the grocery store, too," Joanne told her.

"Do we have to?" Jenny whined.

"We do if you want to have dinner tonight."

Jenny sighed dramatically. "Okay. Uncle Johnny, are you going to the store, too?"

"Sure am."

"Well, maybe it won't be so boring."

Johnny tried not to laugh as Joanne let out a sigh and shook her head. "Every day's an adventure."

"Never a dull moment, huh?" Johnny teased her.

"Rarely," Joanne acknowledged.

Joanne pulled into the grocery store parking lot, obviously trying to find a spot as close to the store as possible. Johnny decided to head her off. "It's fine, Jo. I could use the extra walking."

"Are you sure?" Joanne frowned in concern, "I don't want you to wear yourself out."

"I'm sure," Johnny told her, "Just pick a spot. I'll manage."

Joanne did so, and they all climbed out to start toward the store. It was such an ordinary thing, just going through the grocery store, but it made Johnny feel a little more normal. And it was a hell of a lot better than being stuck at the house.

"Mom!" Jenny called out excitedly, "Can I get this?"

"No, Jenny," Joanne answered patiently, "We talked about this, remember?"

Jenny started to pout, and Johnny couldn't resist teasing her a little. "You know, if you stick that lip out any further, a bird's gonna poop on it."

"Nuh-uh," Jenny responded, still obviously sulking.

"Uh-huh," Johnny replied, "My mom used to tell me that all the time."

"Did it ever happen?"

"Don't know," Johnny answered, "Never tried to find out. My mom was a tough woman. I didn't wanna cross her."

Jenny laughed, the moment forgotten, and they continued through the store. Johnny didn't want to admit it, but he was starting to wear down.

However, Joanne noticed, that worried frown on her face again. "Check out looks pretty busy. You can go rest if you need to."

Johnny wanted to argue but decided against it. "You know, I might just do that. Okay if Jenny comes with me?"

Joanne looked somewhat relieved. "I'd rather she did."

"Come on, Jenny," Johnny told her, "We'll go find somewhere to sit and wait for your mom."

"Okay," Jenny answered cheerfully, falling into step beside Johnny.

They soon found a bench just past the checkout area, and Johnny eased himself down with a sigh. Jenny regarded him with a curious expression. "Does it still hurt, Uncle Johnny?"

"Not really," Johnny answered, "It's just hard work lugging this fake leg around. And I'm working pretty hard at therapy, too."

"What's therapy?"

"Well, it's what I do to get stronger and learn how to walk on this thing," Johnny explained, "Once I do, I'll be able to get around without these crutches."

"Are you gonna go home?"

"Eventually, yeah," Johnny answered, "I can't sleep on your mom and dad's couch forever."

Jenny's mouth twisted as she swung her legs, and Johnny nudged her lightly. "Hey, don't worry. I'm not going anywhere for a while yet, okay?"

"Okay," Jenny nodded.

Soon Joanne met them with the grocery cart, and Johnny pushed himself upright while Jenny slid down from the bench, and they all headed out to the car together.

Johnny paused briefly when Joanne opened the trunk, but she waved him away. "Don't worry about it. I can handle the bags. Why don't you unlock the car?"

Joanne handed Johnny the keys and he did so, reaching behind Joanne's seat to unlock the passenger door so Jenny could get in. He held the keys in his hand for a moment, still not quite used to the idea that he might not be able to drive again.

No, he would. He'd manage, somehow. He and Jack had talked about this some during their sessions. Lots of people managed with a similar injury. Just like every other aspect of his recovery, that would just take time. And boy, it seemed he had plenty of that.

"Thank you, Johnny," Joanne's voice pulled him out of his thoughts, and he placed the keys in her hand, rounding the front of the car to open his own door.

Joanne was already reaching over to unlock it. Good thing, too, because Johnny had somehow gotten so lost in thought that he had forgotten to unlock his own door. He slid into the car with a huff, shifting around a little as Joanne started the car and left the parking lot.

It was a relatively short drive back to the house, and Joanne pulled into the garage, shutting off the car as they all climbed out. Johnny felt so damn useless, not even able to manage a few bags of groceries. Of course, Joanne would probably have the grace to not say anything, but that didn't make Johnny feel any better.

"Go ahead and rest," Joanne told him as they went inside, "I'll get these put away and put together something for lunch. Jenny, why don't you come help?"

Johnny made his way to the living room and eased himself onto the couch, setting his crutches aside with a heavy sigh. Joanne was right, of course, he was beat, not just from therapy, but from that short trip around the grocery store.

Christ, would he ever feel normal again? He couldn't help the dark thought that briefly flashed through his head. No, he wouldn't, not today, and probably not for a long time. And even if he ever did, he wouldn't really ever be normal.

He shifted so that he lay down on the couch, adjusting himself so that everything was in proper alignment before closing his eyes. A short nap would do him some good, and maybe he'd feel a little better afterward.