Floor 20 - Chapter 5 - The Sins of Our Past

The discussion with Argo and Kirito had been a mixed bag, if he was honest. The pair hadn't known much more than he had, and what little they could say, it was outdated. Useful, admittedly, but outdated. The Justice System had been a thing back in the alpha test days, but had been scrapped in favour of the current cursor system for the beta test, if Kirito's almost encyclopedic knowledge on the development of SAO was anything to go by. Regardless, he'd never actually heard of the Justice System taking a physical form... much less actually communicating with someone, and providing them with a hint of what was going on, cryptic as it was. As it was currently though, that subroutine should've been locked away, never to see the light of day again...

Except it had, and that raised a couple of terrifying possibilities; most of which, he'd rather not think about too hard.

He'd gone for a walk around to clear his head and before too long, Jet found himself looking into the water that flowed through the town. It was calm, the rush of the water providing a peaceful backdrop for him to have a chance to think about everything. Not even just about the problem that was Quinella, and all the issues that had spelled out for them, but about something else that had been bothering him for a while - himself.

It was strange, but the past few days had solidified something in his mind - he was no hero. He was a fool playing a hero, perhaps, but not a hero. Heroes didn't walk their friends into an ambush, against their own instincts and better judgement, nor did they then go off on their own to investigate a hunch. Granted, that hunch had paid off, but it was the principle of it to him. That thought was soon put on the back burner as he felt something awkward - he was being watched. Even in his distracted state, he could still feel that much, but where from was a bit too much to ask... so he settled for his usual approach to answer that question.

''Whoever's there, come out.'' He stated to the cherry blossom trees behind him. If it weren't for his sense of unease, he'd have suggested he almost looked mad, but the strange feeling proved correct. From behind him, Rain stepped out, looking almost guilty at following him. Looking towards her, he simply sighed, and looked back to the water ahead of him.

''Sorry for following you, but... are you okay?''

''I nearly got everyone killed, or worse... Look, Rain, I just need to be alone for a bit.''

''It's not like you could've guessed we'd be ambushed!'' She rebuked, taking a seat next to him. ''If you're worried that we blame you for that... we don't.''

He looked into the water underneath to see his slightly distorted reflection in the waves. "Do you ever feel like the you that everyone sees, and the you that you know is you are completely different people?" As he spoke, the ripples in the water caused the reflection to distort further...

Beside him, Rain took a seat on the grass verge. "I don't think so, no. I see it as two sides to the same coin, I think. I'm not entirely sure what you're referring to, but if I were to guess... what you said to Koharu earlier? You think that the two parts of you; yourself and Jet, that they are completely incompatible as a single entity, and that has led you to rationalise it as two entirely different entities. This is causing you to have an identity crisis - Am I Jet, or am I myself? Would I be correct?" She asked. That was remarkable in how well she'd understood his inner conflict, without any details. She'd even summarised it better than he had, and it was his mind!

"Yeah... I think?"

She continued as he tried to work out whether she'd left anything out. "I'll assume that you see Jet as this gallant hero to the people, an idealist who fights on the side of those who need such a figure, whilst you see yourself as the polar opposite, or at least someone who doesn't embody those ideals to the degree you wish?"

"It's just... everything I've done the past few days, I nearly fucked everything up. I nearly got us all killed - or worse - and in my stupid bleeding heart way, I let loose a monster because I didn't think it through... some hero either of me are!"

"Perhaps you made mistakes, as we all have. It's how we learn from them that makes us who we are, and personally, I think you mistake your own progression as a person; learning from those experiences and growing into your personality perhaps, for becoming someone else." It was unusual to see Rain speaking with the same conviction he often spoke with; "We all change and we are never the same person too long. That is good, as long as we remember who we once were, and perhaps you once were as you say you were... but I don't think you are now. Perhaps I was foolish for the way I went around you, but I don't think my view of you was wrong."

He rubbed a hand along his chin as he looked at his reflection in the water below. The ripples had faded, and he could see a clearer image of himself. He couldn't work it out, but did he look a little older? Or was there still some distortion? Either way, Rain had a point - the way he saw Michael, and the way he saw Jet, they weren't different people... it was how he'd grown up. "Same face, new man, huh?" He smiled into his reflection, the smile soon morphing into a Cheshire cat grin. "Yeah, I think I can accept that... and I know who I am now!"

"And that is?" She looked towards him, a hint of optimism in her eyes, and a small smile as she looked towards him...

"An idiot." A look that was soon replaced by a blank look as he spoke. Regardless, he continued. "An idiot with a sword and a shield, and the best friends possible, fighting the best fight we can, and seeing a whole 'nother world!"

"Not quite as profound as I was expecting, but certainly not a bad realisation. I wouldn't stretch quite so far as to calling you an idiot though..."

"I wear it as a compliment, don't worry. Besides, rather an idiot than an egotist!" He laughed to himself, before looking over towards Rain. He couldn't work out exactly why, but despite her smile, she looked as miserable as he had been (or at least, how he'd imagined he'd looked anyway), but he had a guess - Sanya.

Rain had trusted her, hell she'd even stuck up for her, and it must've felt like she'd been made an idiot of, for placing her faith in the wrong person...

"Something troubling you?" He asked, as directly as he could without outright stating his theory.

"You could say that, yes."

"Okay then... let me take a stab at it." He winced slightly, remembering what had happened earlier, and Rain gave him a sympathetic look. "Uhh, I'll rephrase that one; take a guess at it. Sanya?"

"Yes. She's still my best friend, but..."

"It's hard to place your trust in her, because even if you're telling yourself that she did what she did out of the best of intentions, she still did it."

"Yes, and I know that it was the best option from a bad bunch, but her joining us is going to be... well, awkward! I don't want to see you two arguing every moment of every day!" Trust Rain to be more concerned about other people than herself, he thought!

The thoughts about her selflessness was soon quickly replaced as he noticed two important words... "Hang on, what do you mean by "joining us"?" He asked, an eyebrow raised in confusion.

"Did you not read the message Koharu sent you?" She looked at him with an eyebrow raised, and in a reversal of the roles, it was he who now felt guilty. In his attempt to understand himself, he hadn't actually checked his messages since he'd gotten to Senja... almost three hours ago. Come to think of it, he had felt his notifications ping whilst he was looking into the water, and hadn't paid much attention to it.

''I, uhh, I did not, no.''

''Well, Sanya was offered a choice of guilds to join, and she chose to join us.'' Rain explained, and Jet felt like clutching his head in frustration, before reminding himself that he was supposed to be helping Rain, not requiring aspirin for the inevitable headache that would be almost perpetual exposure to Sanya.

''I'm not too sure what to say Rain, but I'll try not to antagonise her too much now. Though, I will say that, if she is going to be with us, then you'll both have to talk to each other about this, and the longer you put it off, the worse it'll be when you do.''

''I know. I'm not sure I can go back yet though, I just need some time to myself.''

''Careful there, else you'll start to sound like me!'' He quipped. Without saying anything in response, Rain gave him a smile, and stood up. ''Random question before you go... but were you following me just, or did you just happen to come across me?''

Rain looked away awkwardly, as she spoke. ''I saw you in Senja, and followed you. Just like old times, eh?'' She laughed, though it was obvious she didn't find it particularly funny, and had done so simply to diffuse any tension.

''Wouldn't want it any other way.'' He laughed along, trying to alleviate that tension too. ''If you need to talk, just message me, right? Don't be me...'' She said nothing, but gave a sad smile as she walked away, and once again, he felt a pang of guilt. She'd been kind enough to help him, and yet all he could do was make a joke to try and lighten the mood? ''You want to go and get a bite to eat?''

''I...'' He watched her stop in her tracks, clearly thinking about it, before awkwardly holding her stomach. ''Yes. I think I may have been too caught up in my own thoughts. I think my stomach has just told me that I need to eat...''

''Heh, join the club. I'm half wondering if that's why I've been mopey now!''

/-/

After checking his messages, and a quick stop off to get food - something that Jet had completely forgotten about today, with everything else going on... until his stomach had taken the liberty of reminding him of his humanity - he'd found himself walking back, making notes in his messages. Who he was making notes for, he wasn't sure, but the answer he drew up was that they were so he could at least organise his thoughts a little bit better for when he did get back, because he really was going to need notes for that conversation...

Eventually though, he found himself stood at the front door to their inn room... which, to his surprise, opened without him doing anything. Stood in the doorway was a less than impressed looking Sanya. ''And so it was written, the prodigal leader returns...''

''I've been gone four hours.'' He pointed out before looking at his HUD. ''Six hours, even.''

''So, I take it, given how long you were gone, they were up to no good?''

''They were, but they were stopped before they could do anything.'' He answered, as he went to pour himself a drink. ''Although, it wasn't me who stopped them...''

''Explains why Rain said she saw you with Kirito and Argo then.'' Koharu gave him a smile. ''I was worried about you, you know. Going radio silent isn't exactly your style...''

''Yeah, normally we can't get you to be quiet!'' Phillia gave him a wicked grin, and he snorted as he found himself in the kitchen. He knew she didn't mean it the way he'd took it, and yet it still kind of hurt, in a way that almost cut entirely through his whole attitude.

''It was once upon a time...'' He muttered, leaning against the kitchen surface. He couldn't understand why that joke had hit differently than any of the million other quips she'd come out with before; it just did

''Are you okay? Because you kind of don't look it?''

''Yeah, I just...'' He rubbed his hands against his face, as if wiping away something, before exhaling loudly. ''I need to get something off my chest, I think, so here goes nothing, I guess.'' He muttered, before looking up to face the girls. ''I was a teenage runaway. It's kind of why I act like I am now, too stubborn to run.''

''So, you ran away from home? Why?'' Koharu asked, confused by his admission.

''I was 14 when that happened, and it was during the summer holidays. My parents were getting a divorce, I was stressed about exams, and well... I handled it really badly. Like, really badly...''

/-/

Michael had found a new respect for people who could sleep rough on the streets. If he'd thought that sleeping at home had been unpleasant, he'd soon realised that it was nothing compared to sleeping rough after last night. The concrete ''bench'', if you could call it that, was cold and uncomfortable, even in the middle of summer, and the people that he'd come across were nothing short of utter bastards.

He'd woken up as early as he could - around 5am, just after sunrise, to find the bench covered in booze and a foul smelling liquid that he'd realised was someone else's urine. There wasn't enough bleach on planet Earth to remove that image from his head, nor the smell of it from his nose, he'd soon found out...

That morning had been just as unpleasant, his crumpled clothes smelling of stale tobacco, dirt, booze and urine, as he tried to find something to do for the day and failed. He still had a small amount of money on him - having been smart enough to padlock his coat pocket that contained the money - but not enough to buy a full set of clothes, and with no spare clothes on him, it wasn't as if he could go into a launderette either... The nearest coin operated one was in Swindon, two buses away at least, and he didn't keep a bank card on him either.

The afternoon was spent sat at the Merrywalks Centre, watching as people and buses went past, and everyone went about with their lives as if he didn't exist. Maybe it was better that way, he thought as he wondered if he'd have more luck with finding cheap clothes somewhere else - Gloucester was an option, he supposed, but for whatever reason, he stayed put for the rest of the evening, and into the night time.

Night had set in once again, and he found himself looking for somewhere to stay again. Unlike last night, he'd decided to find somewhere a little bit less full of drunks, and settled on a position against the wall of the cinema near where he'd spent the afternoon. It wasn't comfortable, nor was it particularly warm or private, he thought, but it was better than sleeping on that damned bench again...

/-/

Rain looked at him in surprise. ''Wait, so you were homeless?''

''You were right, that was a bad way to handle stress...'' Phillia mumbled, before letting him continue.

''Not really, per se. I still had a home to go to, and I was welcome back there, so I was just sleeping rough, I suppose would be a more accurate way of putting it?'' He scrunched his face in confusion, as he tried to work through the semantics of his past situation, before reminding himself why he was here in the first place. ''Anyway...''

/-/

He wasn't sure what time he'd eventually dozed off, but the last thing that he remembered seeing was the last bus of the night to Gloucester, so that put it at around 11pm by his estimation, as he'd woken up from the very short slumber.

''Scrounger.'' A random passer-by muttered as they fast walked past him. He fought back the urge to remind them that, firstly, he was 14, and secondly, he wasn't scrounging off anyone, but held his tongue as they headed towards the bus stops. All things considered, and despite his urge to correct them, some closed minded imbecile wasn't worth getting attacked for, and he closed his eyes again. Perhaps he'd stand a chance of getting something that resembled a decent night's sleep, and tomorrow, he could find a way to somewhere that wasn't Stroud.

He could safely say he understood his sister's opinion that anywhere was better than Stroud... especially as he found himself agreeing with her now.

Leant against the wall, he felt a pulling on his hoodie, and himself being jolted forward slightly. ''Oi! Ya made me miss the last bus!'' The thuggish looking man stood over him yelled at him, as he tried to pull him onto his feet - a difficult task in a sleeping bag. The most obvious thing about the man was simply how badly he smelt; it was almost as if a brewery had exploded right next to a sewage plant, and showered him in the resulting unholy mess...

The next was that the man was actually shorter than he was, and seemed to be running on the false confidence provided by about ten cans of Carling...

''How? Two seconds to yell at me doesn't exactly make much difference when you're over an hour late...'' He commented, rolling his eyes at the man. It was a miracle that people like that could tell the time in the first place, let alone be allowed out into the general public.

''Fuckin' prick, entcha! I'l teach ya to talk back to me!'' He rolled his eyes again, what was he going to do - kill him with his smell? That look of mild annoyance was soon wiped off his face as a fist slammed into his stomach, winding him and sending him onto one knee whilst he coughed uncontrollably. He thought for a split second about what had just happened, before he felt something solid against the side of his face and he collapsed onto his side. The sleeping bag that had been keeping him somewhat warm, was now proving a hindrance to him, as he tried to wriggle free against the increasing frequency of the hits.

Crucial seconds passed, and to his concern, he could feel fluid dripping across his face, almost as if he were sweating profusely, as he freed himself from the waterproof prison and reached for anything that he could defend himself with - a brick, a piece of glass, a bottle, anything would do at this point! All he could reach was a half empty can of pop, and so, he grabbed it, and swung for his attacker's head. The first clean hit he'd gotten in, and it was about as effective as a wooden fireplace; the can having simply sprayed pop over them both as it crumpled...

''I'll kill you!'' His attacker yelled, as a fist slammed into his face again, and he felt fluid running from his nose. Somehow, he doubted that he'd picked a really inconvenient time to get a cold, and that, for the first time, he was genuinely scared. He may have been slightly bigger, but this bastard, despite his portly nature, awful smell, and UKIP haircut, was almost unstoppable; as if he were fuelled by a boiling rage...

It was in that moment that he decided his best option was to try to run. If he stayed to fight, he would be beaten beyond recognition, he had no doubts over that... at least if he ran, his body might at least be identifiable by means other than dentistry!

As he felt another punch slam into his stomach, he kicked up and aimed as best as he could for the man's groin. He doubted it would have much of an effect, given that he doubted the man had much down there, but it really was his only shot! His knee travelled true, and the man, even fuelled by adrenaline and rage, staggered backwards, clutching himself in pain.

Without hesitation, he picked himself up and ran for it, as fast as his legs would carry him in that state...

/-/

''Oh my god...'' Koharu looked towards him, before launching herself towards him, and into the tightest hug she could manage.

''Why try to kill you though? Because you told him the truth, that he was an imbecile?'' Sanya asked, and despite their mutual dislike of each other, even she looked horrified as the story had unfolded.

''Pretty much, yeah.''

''You got away though, right?'' Rain looked at him, almost anticipating that the story wasn't done there. She was right to anticipate that, and he carried on.

''I ran into the town, and well, things got worse there.'' He continued, as he felt the same anger and despair he'd felt back then welling up inside him...

/-/

Stroud itself was a ghost town at night, with no real nightlife to speak of. That was a rather unfortunate situation to find himself in, he realised as he headed in any direction with a sign of life. Even if it was just one person, it was one person who'd seen what had happened to him and could call for help - be that the police, an ambulance... or an undertaker.

After about two minutes, he noticed someone just ahead... and worse still, someone just behind. His very angry assailant was still in pursuit, and no matter how fast he ran, he struggled to shake him off. The chase soon ended though, as he made a wrong turn, and found himself on the entry ramp to the railway station. Up ahead, he reckoned that, as long as he was on the station's property, and thus, inside an area with CCTV, surely the man wasn't that dense to attack him there...

Unfortunately for him, he was that dense, and even as he found himself on platform one, the man charged through the wooden doors of the booking office, the doors only barely staying on their hinges as he bashed his way through. Michael was more than willing to admit that he didn't hold anything that really resembled a religious belief, and that the closest to a church he'd been was when he'd been baptised as a baby, but right now, he said a very brief prayer to whatever god was listening, and looked for anything to defend himself with; settling on a glass bottle left on the GWR benches...

As he approached, he tried his best to make himself look like he could actually put up a fight, even though he knew that he absolutely couldn't anymore; he could only barely stand now, for crying out loud! Without even a word, he tried to remind himself of what Gabby had taught him about self defence as his opponent lunged at him, but it didn't matter now, he soon realised. A punch to the face had forced him to let go of the bottle, which had hit to ground and shattered, and he felt his legs begin to give way beneath him...

The next, and last thing he knew before he lost consciousness, was the sharp, stabbing sensation in his stomach...

/-/

''So... those scars you mentioned?'' Koharu couldn't bring herself to say it, but he understood what she was implying.

''I was stabbed, yeah. Seven times, apparently.'' He quietly answered, looking down towards his side.

''You survived though, clearly? So what happened then?''

''I'm not too sure. I know that a security guard had seen me running in, and thought I was about to... well, I actually don't know there. He'd gone after me, but the bloke who attacked me hadn't seen him as he ran past screaming about trying to kill me. He gave chase, and by the time he'd reached me, I'd been stabbed. Next thing I knew, I was in hospital in Gloucester, with my mother and sisters both furious at me, and relieved that I wasn't dead...''

''And the...'' Sanya looked genuinely angry, as she stopped to think of her next words. ''... coward who launched the attack? What became of him?''

''He was arrested, and done on murder charges. Last I heard, he was up for a very long thirty years at his majesty's pleasure...'' The girls gave him a blank look, and he added what he actually meant. ''In prison.''

''Ah... hang on, murder charges? You aren't dead!'' Phillia looked towards him, as if to check she wasn't hallucinating, and confirmed he was still there. ''Uhh, no offence.''

''None taken, and no, I'm not. The security guard, on the other hand... the same glass shard wound up in his neck. Apparently, they rushed both of us to hospital, but it was too late for him.'' Jet rubbed his hand against his eyes, wiping away growing tears. ''All because I opened my damned mouth!''

''Oh stop it with the woe is me act.'' Sanya snapped, before looking around to see looks that were enough to tell her to close her mouth now, before she said something she really would regret... She continued to speak, regardless. ''I wasn't there, but you did nothing wrong in that situation - except perhaps the glass bottle, that was a little foolish - but the way it seems, that thug was looking for someone to take out his rage on. The only thing you did wrong in that situation was that you were there. Tell me, in all honesty, that the security guard would blame you for his death...''

He paused for a moment, and thought about it. He'd always rationalised it in such a way that his presence had started the chain reaction that led to the events that transpired, but the more he thought about it from the perspective that Sanya had presented... it didn't matter if he'd been there or not, the waste of space had clearly been looking for a fight. Perhaps, from that point, it was better that it had been him to take the pasting, rather than someone less able to withstand the blows.

Perhaps, no matter what happened, someone would've been going away in a hearse, and that he had been given a second chance to do what he hadn't before. He couldn't say he liked that thought, given it implied some kind of destiny, but it was certainly a different way to think about it to his previous attitude.

''She's out of order...'' The look that Phillia gave her was one that could turn the tide into an icicle... ''But she's right. It wasn't your fault, and even if you did run your mouth at him, that is not even close to a reasonable response!''

''Can I ask something?'' Koharu said, a look of anguish on her face. ''You always put yourself in danger, even when we could just leave... was that your way of trying to make up for that?''

''I...'' He paused, and tried to think of a way to word it. She was exactly right, he realised; his way of atoning for his perceived sins, a way that led him down a deeply self destructive path, and if he wasn't incredibly careful, would lead to a very dead version of himself. That was a sobering thought for him, that, whilst yes, something else might have killed him, his ridiculous push to atone for something completely outside of his control would've been a major factor for that demise... ''Yeah.'' He answered.

''Then don't, please. You don't need to make up for that, and even if you did, think about everyone we've helped! Surely that should count for something, right?'' She asked, and for the first time during the conversation, he felt a small smile on his face as he remembered everything. For every screw up they'd made, they had helped twice or thrice as many people, and he felt a creeping sense of pride at that. Maybe he was right after all, he wasn't a gallant hero... but he was certainly an idiot helping out!

''I'll try. From now on, I won't be quite so dead set on using myself as a shield...'' He stated, a quiet coming over the entire room as he finished.

A quiet that lasted for about a minute, as everyone processed what had been said in their own way. ''Koharu, you know you said we needed a name for our group, right?'' Phillia asked, breaking the silence in the room. Koharu simply nodded in response, before she carried on. ''Well, I might have an idea on that front. How about The Concord?''

He looked towards the ginger girl in confusion. ''What's the airliner got to do with us?'' Other than that he was British, that Concorde was built in Bristol, and really quite quick, he struggled to draw any other connections, and based off the looks of everyone else present, he wasn't the only one...

''Concord, in English, means Unity, or Together. I thought it fit us pretty well...''

''I... actually didn't realise that was what it meant. Suddenly, a lot of things about the airliner make sense too...'' He answered, before thinking it through a little more. The name actually rolled off the tongue pretty well, and Phillia was spot on, in that it did describe them pretty well; a united group working their way through Aincrad. ''I like it though; The Concord. Koharu?''

''I like it! Certainly better than just calling ourselves ''the group''!'' She answered, looking towards Rain. The red haired girl gave a smile that expressed her agreement with the couple, before the attention turned to their newest member, Sanya...

''Why are you all looking at me?'' She asked, somewhat frustrated and somewhat confused. ''It is not like a single vote would change the result... but yes, it is an adequate name. Certainly less immature than others.''

''Then it's settled...''Koharu stood up, and gave her best impression of her boyfriend doing a speech. ''We are now The Concord!''

''On an unrelated note... did I miss something whilst I was away?''

''Eh, we'll get you up to speed.'' Phillia gave him a knowing smirk, and not for the first time today, he felt a cold chill run down his spine...

{Author's Comments}

This has really not been an easy chapter to write (hell, it's probably been the most emotionally draining so far), and has been through about three different iterations before the one you've just read.

Either way, the next chapter is the Twentieth Floor Boss, and hopefully not a four week gap in the release schedule!