Yep, second instance of me reusing chapter titles

Chapter 48: Human

The next weeks were spent hunched over his textbooks, reading, writing, and occasionally sending a piece of work to the one in charge of his correspondence course back in Madison. Vlad hadn't been that productive since the day he'd agreed to that business course – busy mastering his abnormality powers, sick and in bed for days – and this time he was actually making visible progress. He wasn't sick as often, either.

Vlad's powers meant nothing except monstrosity – and it wasn't the way he'd manage to get himself a new life. Oh, look, the freak! Did you know he could phase through stuff and pierce his eyeballs with scissors and they'd heal back?

What would he even do with that reputation, uh?

No, the only solution – the one he'd been hoping to reach but hadn't been determined enough to work on – was to put all that aside and just work on his business master. He'd get his degree, get better, leave this place and find a job. Preferably something that didn't have anything to do with ghosts. No ectoplasm, no horror-movie sequences, no damn portal to the dimension of the dead and rotting. It would mean leaving his personal interests behind, but it'd be safer.

He'd needed to train, to get a grip on those damn powers, or he'd have kept falling through things and vomiting his spleen and more blood than there should be in a human body, but now he was doing better. He didn't need to keep trying.

Vlad could just... sweep it under the rug. Not that he'd ignore the truth, himself monster freak a spirit bound to his own corpse, but he didn't have to... act on that knowledge. If anything, everyone might be better off if he kept it all under the rug.

He had enough control, now. If he didn't use his powers, then that meant fewer chances to get someone hurt because of him.

as if he'd ever done it on purpose

June

the blackout heart monitors and lights out nurses running doctors rushing past a shrill sound

as if keeping his eyes closed would ever be enough

say

Vladislav

has pretending ever done you any good?

Vlad closed his textbook a bit too violently and shook his head.

He didn't have another choice, anyway. If he used his powers in public, he'd be the freak and would probably attract a lot of unwanted, perhaps dangerous attention – including from Director Bianco's organization. If he kept his powers a secret and only used them discreetly, he still risked being found out.

In that case, he would be pretending. Might as well not use them at all.

Maybe he'd spent a bit too long on that textbook, if he couldn't focus anymore and his mind started wandering away down paths best left alone best forgotten best buried alongside corpses and future dreams. Time to switch it up, find something else to do.

...Of course there wasn't a lot Vlad could do in his room, but he had other books. Most were reference books, too. Still. Maybe switching books would do it.

The other alternative was experimenting with his powers, and he'd already decided he wouldn't do that anymore. It never brought him anything good, and besides it was the middle of the day. The library with its collection of revenant stories and its ghostly tome translators was barely better – he hadn't gone there since...

Since Ziad had tried to get him to socialize.

Which hadn't been a good idea, if only because Vlad was obviously not normal enough yet to get back into human society, so. Better start working on that, which would only happen if he stopped acting like a dratted ghost.

maybe he couldn't make himself entirely human again but nothing stopped him from pretending

So yes, another book was a better idea. Work. Get a degree. Get out of here. Get a job.

Live like everyone else.

Vlad glared at the few books he'd gathered over the months since June June had been the one to get him the first books she'd been the one to convince him he could still work on a degree and Vlad had and he'd and didn't move from his chair. There was nothing he wanted to read right now, but he should find something.

something to do something to spend the time

or else he might go back on his decision change his mind if he thought too much about it if there was nothing else to do if he could delude himself into believing that maybe perhaps possibly there was more to it than being a stubborn cadaver

Somehow cleared their throat behind him and Vlad started in surprise.

"You didn't even notice me coming in, did you?"

Ziad took one more step to stand next to the table, two letters in his hand – one must be from the university, and the other from his parents. No one else wrote to him, anyway.

"...Oh. No, sorry."

The nurse looked him over longly, pinched his lips a little – as if there was something he didn't want to say – and shook his head.

"It's okay, Vlad. Mail for you, and I see you've been working on your degree again?"

Vlad nodded distractedly and reached for the letters.

"Yeah, thanks, Ziad. I... I think I could get out someday, I'm barely sick anymore. Maybe by next summer? I don't know, I just want to have something to look forwards to once I'm out."

The older man watched him a short while – again, and Vlad frowned, wondering if there was something on his face, he should go and take a look in the mirror later.

"...It is true that you've been doing better, and I hope you're right, that you'll be able to move on soon. Just, I worry a bit. You've been... running yourself ragged with your studies and nothing else, lately. The communal area went poorly, and you haven't seen your translator friends since either. I don't want you to burn out, especially when you aren't quite recovered yet."

Vlad's stomach twisted unpleasantly the freak from room 12.

He took a deep breath before answering Ziad's concerns:

"It's okay. I... I just want to do this. And, I promise you, I'll try lunch in the communal area again. Just... not right now. Right now I have the motivation to work on this, so..."

Get used to being human again, that was the crux of it. Vlad couldn't tell Ziad that, so he didn't elaborate, but if he could feel normal again, if he was able to prove to himself that he could ignore the ghostliness hidden under his skin...

Then he might be able to face other people. He'd never be a social butterfly – that was Jack if Jack had ever been popular, which the man definitely wasn't other people saw the danger Jack could be and stepped away but Vlad hadn't and now now now – but he could get out there and socialize.

Right now he couldn't.

Not yet.