Day 24: Finding the middle ground
Hinata was nervous.
It was just expected. After all, she had just confessed something that, not long ago, she had decided to keep to herself till the grave.
Why had she decided to confess so suddenly that the love letter she wrote was originally meant for Naruto?
The answer was rather simple, actually, and it wouldn't have come up at all if she had never witnessed the conversation between Itachi and Izumi.
She couldn't keep deceiving Sasuke. Because… because it wasn't fair to him, and it wasn't fair that she was the only one that got to decide that the original recipient of the letter didn't matter, just because now she liked Sasuke instead of Naruto.
It wasn't right.
It, however, was also nerve wracking, because even though she knew it was the right thing to do –had known for as long as the misunderstanding had taken place– it had also been a one-second decision. Something she had plunged herself into because she knew that if she stopped for a moment, if she took the day and night to think it over, she would inevitably back off, and allow the lie to continue indefinitely.
But knowing that what she did was right didn't mean she wasn't nervous. Especially when Sasuke did nothing, but stare at her, eyes wide and mouth slightly open, not pronouncing a word.
She fidgeted, fingers playing with each other in a way she hadn't done in… she didn't even know how long.
"This… Sasuke-kun…?" she probed lightly, afraid of his reaction but more so of the silence.
The boy blinked, straightening and seeming to come back to his senses. He cleared his throat, glanced down, and then looked back at her. "Hinata, I think something's weird going on with my hearing. I could swear I just heard you say the most ridiculous thing ever."
Ah.
Ah.
So that's how he wanted to play it?
Hinata bit her lips, wondering, for the first time, if maybe Sasuke already knew… but no, if he did, he certainly would've said something, right?
…come to think of it, she wasn't really that good at concealing it either, was she? But then, if all signs were already there but Sasuke still refused to see it…
"I… the love letter… it wasn't for you, Sasuke-kun… it was for Naruto-kun…" she repeated, unwilling to go down that line of thought, not even sure what it could mean.
Sasuke frowned, staring at her hard, but Hinata managed to maintain eye-contact. The longer he stared at her though, the more difficult it became.
"You…" Sasuke finally spoke after what felt like too long. "Why are you saying this all of a sudden? What… what brought this up?"
Hinata gulped. "I just… I just thought you had the right to know…"
"Yeah, sure, I have the right to know!" he interrupted, teeth gritted and his body adopting a sort of aggressive pose, with his fists closed as he leaned slightly forward. "No shit I have the right to know! But that's not what I asked! I asked why you decided to tell me now, months after the misunderstanding instead of right away!"
"Ah, well, you see… that's because…" Hinata fidgeted, caught on the spot. Sasuke scoffed.
"Are you gonna get cold feet now of all times?!"
"Izumi was right!" she yelled, increasingly nervous by Sasuke's altered state. Her response caused him to falter slightly, clearly confused by the sudden and completely out of nowhere mention of his brother's girlfriend, and she took the opportunity to continue before she lost her nerve. "I can't decide on my own that the love letter doesn't matter anymore just because I like you now! Even if my feelings have changed, you need to decide if that's good enough for us going forward, instead of me selfishly thinking that it's fine if you never find out simply because you're the one I like now instead of Naruto-kun!"
She closed her eyes, her breathing hard to her own ears, and waited, every single nerve ending on alert to what he would say. Her whole body was taut, her heart hammered incessantly in her chest, and yet, Sasuke would not speak, he would not say a word and allow the tension to bleed out of her until…
"…you said you like me?"
…he finally did.
Hinata opened her eyes and slowly looked up. Sasuke had abandoned his combative pose, instead allowing his arms to hang by his sides as he looked at her askance, a tiny frown of amazement on his brow.
Slowly, Hinata forced her body to let go of the tension holding her on a tight grip. She straightened, not even aware when she had bent on herself, product no doubt of her own anxiety seeking to protect her, figuratively of course, of what was to come.
She nodded. It was… embarrassing, to say it out loud, and honestly, she didn't even remember saying it in the first place, but she must have, otherwise Sasuke wouldn't have asked such a question. And so, she settled with a small gesture of the head as confirmation.
Obviously, that wasn't enough for Sasuke. "The least you can do is use your mouth, don't you think?" he said acidly. Hinata was caught between gulping again in nervousness and rolling her eyes because this was so Sasuke…
She did neither. "I… I like you, Sasuke-kun…" she started shyly, glancing away, but the words were barely out of her mouth before he asked another question.
"Since when do you like me?"
"Since…" she glanced up, tilting her head in bewilderment. What was the point of that question? And it wasn't like she had an answer to it to begin with… "I don't know… I'm not sure how it happened, even."
"How can you not know?" he asked in disbelief, showing an aggrieved expression. This time, Hinata did frown.
"I just don't… sometimes, these things are d-difficult to determine" she winced at the, nowadays, rare stutter that would appear every time she was nervous or anxious. And why wouldn't it appear now, when telling the boy she liked that she… well, liked him?
That answer didn't satisfy Sasuke though. "You were very specific in that letter that wasn't for me" he said between gritted teeth, "about why you liked Naruto, so of course you should know why you like me now" he countered, his logic catching her by surprise.
"I… I don't know! I just… I l-like you and…!"
"Why was it so easy to say what you liked about Naruto, but you can't say what you like about me?"
"I-I thought the question was when I started liking you…?"
"It's the same thing!" he shouted then, even stomping his foot despite the fact that it wasn't the same thing at all, at least not in Hinata's eyes.
"W-Why is it so important that I-I tell you the r-reason?" she finally asked, confused by his insistence on the topic. At the question, his eyes narrowed, a dangerous flash shining behind his angry glare.
"Because how can I believe you like me at all when you can't even say why!"
Hinata gasped, involuntarily taking a step back. "I wouldn't lie about something like that!" she defended herself, hurt at his implication.
Sasuke scoffed. "Just like you didn't lie about the love letter?"
"I didn't lie about that either!"
"A lie by omission is still a lie!" he shot back, shutting her up immediately. "How can I believe you like me after you've been lying to me all this time? How can I even believe you don't like Naruto anymore?" he demanded, his body still on high tension, mirroring hers.
Hinata opened her mouth to defend herself, to assure him that she did like him, and that he didn't have to worry about Naruto anymore… but as she did, she realized she couldn't give him such reassurances. Because, as much as she had started to like Sasuke, truly like him, it wasn't like she was completely over Naruto.
It hurt to realize, even more that she hadn't even thought about it, but as the idea ran over her head, she had to accept that it was the truth, one she had completely sidestepped because what was the problem, as long as she liked Sasuke now?
Of course, she also knew that what she felt for Naruto was disappearing, had started even thinking that maybe she didn't like him but the idea of him, what he represented to her, but how to explain that to Sasuke, especially in the state he was in? Would he even listen to her?
She didn't have to wonder for long.
"See?" he finally said; his shoulders slumping as all of a sudden the fight and anger seemed to abandon him, leaving behind only weariness. "You can't even answer something so simple."
With that, he turned around, starting to walk away. Hinata panicked.
"Sasuke-kun!" she called after him, but he didn't answer. "Sasuke-kun, I'll… I'll show you that it's the truth! I'll show you that I like you! So please, just… just don't cut me off entirely! Please!"
He didn't even falter. Hinata fisted her jacket right on top of where her heart was, and although sad and hurt, she was determined. She had gotten into this situation on her own, and hurt Sasuke in the process. She was going to fix it, whatever it took.
Perhaps he was the one at fault, after all.
"Sasuke, stop poking at your vegetables and just eat."
"Sasuke, sweetly, is something wrong? You look very down tonight."
"…I didn't even do anything to you yet…"
His father, mother, and Itachi all looked at him with varying degrees of worry and annoyance. Sasuke sighed, reluctantly grabbing one of the steamed carrots with his chopsticks and eating it, hoping to stave off their curiosity and questions, at least on his mother's and Itachi's cases.
However, after a few more bites, he couldn't take it. He put down the chopsticks and stood up. "I don't feel good. May I be excused?"
Before his mother could say anything, his father spoke, stare hard and unforgiving. "Permission is asked before standing up, not after. And no, you may not. I see nothing of significance wrong with you, so if you won't eat, at least you will remain until the rest of the family is finished, as good manners dictate."
"But, Fugaku…" Mikoto started. She was silenced with a single, pointed look from her husband.
Sasuke sighed and sat down again. He could feel Itachi's proving eyes, but did not look up, and he remained staring at the table until finally the rest of the family was done with the food and his mother started cleaning up the dishes.
He ran to his room before anyone else could ask him anything.
Perhaps he was the one at fault, after all.
The love letter was for that idiot.
There were signs, of course. Signs that he refused to see.
Hinata always looking at Naruto. Her behavior not matching up with that of a girl in love. Him being the one to always initiate things and work for their relationship. Itachi and even Shino's cryptic words…
Why was it that he so willfully ignored all of these? Why was it that he wanted to believe so badly that the love letter was always meant for him and no one else?
…For years I have watched you from afar, seeing you always giving it your all in everything you do…
…I admire your tenacity and determination…
…You are my inspiration…
…because he wanted those words to be for him, because he wanted to believe there was someone who saw him for who he was, not what he appeared.
What a joke it all was.
"Sasuke."
Closing his eyes and resigning himself, Sasuke turned his head slightly toward where Itachi was standing at the doorway of his room, watching him with a small frown of concern.
"You know" the older boy started, taking a step in, uninvited of course, and closing the door behind him. "I was thinking about the most suitable revenge for what you and Shisui pulled today, but seeing you like this, I can't help but have the slightest pang of conscience at doing anything to you."
"Won't prevent you from doing it anyway" Sasuke pointed out dryly. Itachi shrugged.
"True. Regardless, your state concerns me… has this anything to do with Hinata?"
Sasuke's shoulders jumped. He turned his head away, and that was answer enough for the older brother who only sighed wearily.
"What has happened this time."
"As if you don't already know."
At his annoyed answer, Itachi simply nodded sagely. "Ah, so Hinata finally told you about the love letter?"
"If you knew, then why didn't you say anything!"
"It wasn't my place to do so, and I knew someone gentle like Hinata would eventually confess the truth, especially seeing how much she cares about you."
At this, Sasuke finally looked at Itachi, his eyes burning. "Gentle? What of gentle does that girl have to lie for months to me as if it was nothing?!"
Itachi sat down next to him on his bed, and only when he was comfortable did he speak again. "I see you didn't take it well."
"How could I?" he crossed his arms. "She lied to me."
"That was very wrong of her, true, but at least she came around to telling you, no?"
"It's worth nothing when she doesn't even…" he bit his lips, his face starting to warm as the unsaid feel the same almost came out of his mouth. The same as what? As him? He didn't even like her. He was with her only because she liked him and… and…
"You need to learn to be more honest" Itachi said, watching him struggle with his own emotions. Sasuke glared at him.
"I don't want to hear this from someone who had to be tied down and locked up in a warehouse to clear up his own romantic loose en-auch!"
"That will be enough" Itachi retracted his hand after having poked him on the forehead very roughly and huffed. "You're lucky I'm such a magnanimous person, willing to postpone my revenge until your own relationship is solved."
"Didn't you hear a thing I said? There's no relationship! It was all a farce!"
"It didn't look like a farce to me" before Sasuke could retort, the older boy quickly continued; "you were making a real effort for your relationship, and although it might have started as a lie, Hinata wouldn't have stayed so long with you if she didn't see it as well, and thought it was worth giving you a chance."
"I'm the one who was giving her a chan-!"
"Except the love letter wasn't actually for you, so in retrospect, it was you who pursued her from the beginning and did everything you could to be together" Itachi interrupted, firmly.
Sasuke was left speechless.
"Like it or not, something about her called to you, and that's the reason you worked so hard to be with her. And Hinata noticed that. She cares for you, if nothing else exactly because this effort showed her the kind of person you are. So don't call it a farce. If you like Hinata and she likes you back, I think the effort to have something real this time must be worth it."
"I don't like…" Sasuke stopped before he could even complete the phrase. What was the point of denying it anymore? He liked Hinata, had probably done so since the moment he read that letter and mistakenly thought all those beautiful words were meant for him.
And yet they weren't.
They weren't and… and now he didn't know what to do.
"What am I supposed to do now?" was all he could say, giving life to his forlorn feelings and thoughts in a trembling voice.
Itachi's palm landed on his head, softly, and Sasuke was so weary he didn't even fight back when he patted his hair affectionately.
"Do what I didn't, and talk to her. I'm sure you can both find the middle ground" his older brother advised.
What middle ground?
Sasuke didn't voice the question, simply nodding. He didn't think something like that was possible.