"if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche
...
Things were slow at the restaurant that night. Sundays are usually quiet, but the cold was also keeping people away. On slow days like that, I would catch myself daydreaming, looking at the counter, expecting Keiko to show up at any moment, order the usual, and complain about the wait. She would leave without paying and give me a wink, saying she would be waiting for me at home. But the counter remained empty.
My friends hadn't shown up in years either. At least they had given up ambushing me at my workplace to complain that I never returned their calls. Well, "friend" was a figure of speech. I wasn't even sure if they still considered me one. The last message from Kuwabara on my phone was from two years ago.
"You're a fucking bastard!" followed by "We really miss you, jerk."
It's still going unanswered. By the time I thought about texting back, it was too late, so I just dropped it. I don't blame him for never trying again; I probably wouldn't have been half as persistent.
The worst part of nights like these — besides thinking about her and reminding myself that she would never sit at that counter again — was that they gave me too much time to think. To brood. To itch for a fight just to feel alive.
It had been six years since I had taken a new case. I had declined so many that people didn't even bother to come looking for me anymore.
These were some of the rules I imposed on myself after what went down. No more detective work. No more dealings with the Reikai. No more of the troubles that had cost me the most important things in life.
Initially, it felt like the only natural thing to do. I couldn't find meaning in anything I used to anymore. The years dragged on, and now, when I look back, my previous life seems an eternity away.
I would probably keep going on like that if it weren't for two things: the first was that I couldn't get the chat with Koenma out of my head.
The second was that I sucked at following rules for too long. Eventually, I'm bound to break them.
So this is the story of how, all at once, I broke them all.
(…)
The rumour was just like all the other rumours: speculative-ish, no reliable source, kinda sounding like bullshit. In my experience, half of the rumours were either false, unfounded or just plain exaggerated. But that meant half weren't.
Word on the street was that a youkai would be on display at a small nighttime flea market in Ikebukuro. It didn't seem unlikely, to be honest, just a stupid idea. Not that demons couldn't behave among humans — no, that theory had long been debunked. Well, at least civilized demons could.
But the word "display" didn't sit well with me. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? So, instead of spending that cold Sunday night staring at an empty counter, I closed early and decided to go check it out. There was no harm in that, right?
When I got to Ikebukuro, the market was quiet, just like my restaurant. It was a rather small market, held out in the open, on a square, with vendors displaying all sorts of old and useless stuff. The cold night air made people huddle in small groups, hands shoved into their coats. I walked around, glancing at things, not really interested in anything.
A large tent was at the far end of the square, quite different from everything else. It looked old, but instead of boring gray tarps, this one had some fancy red and gold decor, paper lanterns hanging by the entrance, the works. A man in a dark blue kimono and a white headband stood by the entryway, welcoming the passerbys, inviting them in. A sign with cursive writing showed an entry fee, but nothing else. I stood watching. At least a dozen people went in, probably more. If something was on display at this market, it had to be there.
When I approached, the man in the kimono grinned widely at me. I asked what was going on inside, and his smile widened. "The greatest mystery of humanity," he said. What nonsense. Do people still fall for that shit? But I bought the ticket anyway.
Inside, people were chatty and curious, going around and talking like this was the next big thing. It was warmer than outside, at least, so that helped. The lighting was dim, and the decor was much more basic than you would expect, based on the exterior. I guess they just needed to get people in.
A wooden stage was set up at the back, with a small, short table on it, covered in a white cloth. Some random paper ofuda were pinned near the stage, meaning nothing at all, probably just for show. I rolled my eyes — people don't even try.
A sign attached to the tarp walls said, "No smoking inside the tent," but I lit my cigarette anyway. I had ignored far more important warnings before, and no way I was going to wait for that bullshit without my nicotine rush.
"Attention, ladies and gentlemen! Our show is about to begin!" shouted a woman in a ceremonial red robe, coming from the back entrance and straight to the stage. She carried a small cage with her.
I craned my neck and made my way through the crowd, trying to get a better view of the show. When I got closer, I saw a waist-high railing limiting access to the stage — that seemed to be the only security system in place. Honestly, it was better than I anticipated.
The kimono man from outside also got in and approached the woman, exchanging glances as if they were two tricksters about to put on a show. The small cage, I saw now, had some dark-skinned snake curled up, and was resting at the table. I had a bad feeling about this.
The tent wasn't packed, but it was far from empty. Most people pressed against the railing, eager to watch whatever was about to go down. I put out my cigarette on the ground and waited.
"Are you ready?" the man asked the crowd. The response was an excited cry. Some clapped, others cheered. "Show us the wretch!" a guy from the back shouted. The couple on the stage chuckled.
"What you will see here tonight is just a small sample of one of many nature's mysteries. Many will say this creature is an abomination. A being that should never have been allowed existence," kimono guy went on.
Everyone fell silent. People seemed mesmerized by the words coming out of his mouth. The dim lights got even dimmer, making grotesque shadows dance on the canvas wall. A smell of incense filled the air.
The woman in red rang a small Tibetan bell. The snake stirred in the cage, hissing deeply. Nobody dared to utter a single word now, all eyes on the stage.
Then, a guttural scream came from outside the tent. The couple exchanged glances again, the same devilish look on their faces. I could feel the tension between the spectators; some were even shivering now, but still, nobody moved. Nobody left the tent. Those guys knew how to keep people hooked on the act, gotta give them that.
"No need to be afraid. But oh, be careful. Be very careful. What you are about to see is a wild creature, uneducated, feral, the strength of a thousand men! It can rip your head with a single strike! But fear not, for we have secure measures in place. Just follow our lead and you'll be safe and sound. And no photos or videos during the show, please. We'll arrange that at the end."
While the man talked, the woman pulled open the back flap of the canvas, giving way to a young man pushing a dolly with some sort of man-sized, sheet-covered box. He left the box on the stage and exited the tent, leaving the audience bewildered. Everybody's gaze was glued to that object now. The sheet wavered. I heard a loud gasp. I get it; they were building suspense, luring people into their narrative. I had a pretty good idea of what was about to happen.
The sheet covering the box swayed again, followed by a rattling sound and the same scream from before, much closer this time.
Fuck. Okay, let's pin down the possibilities.
It could be just a wild animal, the exotic kind, from a distant country, strange enough to pass as a demon. It could be a youkai in cahoots with those two, putting on a show to split the money afterwards. Or it could be really a wild youkai seized by them. A primitive one, some E Class demon. The most violent kind. The worst possibility.
I was hoping for option one or two, but who was I kidding? I'm not the optimist type.
The silence lingered in the air. A hard, laboured breathing was coming from under the sheets. The air in the tent suddenly felt very chill.
And kimono guy yanked the sheet.
It covered a cage, not a box (should have seen that one coming), containing a humanoid youkai, standing on its two feet, shaggy, matted hair, frayed clothing, a stunned look on his face. His whole frame was haggard and covered in cuts and bruises. His fangs and claws were huge and stained red. One ear was missing, and the eyes — and this gave me chills — were milky and opaque. They seemed lifeless. I felt all the air leave my lungs. I was expecting something bad, but was not expecting that.
One didn't need Kuwabara's intuition to know this couldn't end well.
The demon was aroused, but it didn't seem like an act—not with the way it started shaking the cage bars or roaring and baring its teeth.
The whole audience shrieked. They started talking all at once, cursing, spitting, and calling him names. I didn't know if they were horrified, amused, or outraged—maybe all three at once.
Obviously, all that banter did nothing to calm the demon's nerves.
The couple asked people to calm down, but everyone was now too excited to listen, and the pair didn't seem to mind. Actually, they looked like they were enjoying themselves, pleased with all that commotion. My mind went straight to the cage. I hardly believed that would be some new gear, based on its look. I wondered how much longer it would hold.
That's when the woman in red lifted the small cage from the table. She raised it in front of her, showing the snake to the crowd, "The beast is hungry. It's feeding time." The public gave a loud cheer.
Everyone's eyes followed as she opened the hinged door, removed the snake, and brought it close to the youkai. With a swift move, the demon snatched the snake from the woman's hand and bit its head off. Blood spattered across the stage. He devoured the snake so brutally and frantically that it looked like he hadn't eaten in days. Some people by my side uttered some disgusted sounds, others of pure amazement.
For fuck's sake. I was the one disgusted, and not by the demon's manners.
I didn't know what was worse, bringing a potentially dangerous wild youkai to a place full of clueless humans like this or treating him as if he was some animal zoo, making a spectacle of his condition. I wouldn't be surprised if his wounds were caused by those two morons on the stage as a way to subdue him.
It'd been a while since I felt my blood boiling under my skin like that. I had this urge to jump on the stage, end the show, send everyone home, teach those two pricks a lesson. And swear to God, I almost did it. Looking back, I should have. But I didn't want to make things worse. I know, that doesn't sound like me at all. But I guess spending the last six years grieving at home kinda slowed me down a bit. I was not my old self.
Right after his meal, the youkai grew angrier. He wanted more. He demanded more. He rattled the cage, he howled, he reached out with his blood-stained claws, he bit the bars. He didn't have any shackles in him — a stupid move if you ask me. Honestly, I was rooting for the youkai at this point.
And I saw the pair on top of the stage exchanging worried looks for the first time. It was clear they were not expecting such a strong reaction from the demon. I assumed they had drugged the poor fella, but from the looks of it, the dose had worn off.
Kimono guy and Red Lady muttered some words among themselves. The audience was wild at this point, either laughing at the ruffled demon or calling him names. Someone even threw stuff at the cage — a fruit, or an egg, or something like that. Things were getting out of hand.
The cage was shaking so hard it began moving. In a desperate attempt to end the show, the man picked up the sheet from the floor — now stained with snake blood — and tried to place it over the cage to end the show. Fucking shit. Is this guy for real? I knew exactly how that was gonna go.
As soon as he got close, the demon stretched his hand between the bars and grabbed the man. He pulled him and hit his head hard against the cage. There was a loud thump. Even bony and probably malnourished as he was, the youkai was still more powerful than the regular human. As usual, humans underestimated what they didn't know.
Everything that happened next took only a couple seconds.
As if on cue, people got into panic mode. In a frenzy, they screamed and began to push and trample each other, trying to find the tent's opening to get the hell out of there. Many fell, many others pulled on the canvas, and it began to sway. Great. The last thing we needed was for the tent to collapse.
In the meantime, the youkai had already bashed the man's head against the bars so much that the blood staining the cage was no longer just from the snake. Dark stains spread across the kimono. The headband got torn down.
I managed to break away from the mayhem and saw Red Lady trying to help the man, but she was probably not thinking straight, or else wouldn't be going anywhere near that cage.
It no longer made sense to hold back now that the damage was done. I jumped onto the stage just as some of the cage's iron bars broke. A rush of adrenaline hit me. My body didn't even know what that feeling was anymore.
I looked down from the stage. The place was chaotic. People were hurting themselves trying to find the exit— apparently, it was zippered down and they were too disoriented to find the zipper. That complicated things. I just wanted everyone to leave before someone else got hurt. I could handle the demon; that wouldn't be a problem. However, having a small crowd as collateral damage was not part of my plans.
The demon looked at me with his cloudy eyes and roared, his back hunched, arms dangling, and teeth bared. The woman somehow managed to pull Kimono man away from us. I hoped that guy was still alive, mostly because I knew how demons that killed humans were treated, not because I felt bad for him. As a matter of fact, that ought to teach him a lesson on how to treat youkais. Or, at the very least, on how to find less stupid ways to make money.
I stepped closer to the demon, but he immediately shifted his gaze to somewhere behind me. He let out another holler and lunged forward. The bastard wasn't interested in me, of course. There was a banquet of humans right below us.
He tried to jump over me, but I grabbed him mid-air, and we both fell down the stage. He was acting deranged, but I wouldn't even need to bother with a leigan. Taking him down with my bare hands wouldn't be an issue. And if I'm being frank, that was exactly what I wanted. To feel someone's jaw break under my fist. I knew he wasn't at fault, but he had to be stopped regardless.
We hit a couple people on the way down. I was too busy containing the demon, but I took a quick glance around just to ensure nobody was in bad shape. For a split second, I thought I saw a second youkai. A woman with thin, pointed ears, like Jin's, a tattoo-covered neck and small fangs coming from her agape mouth.
That distraction cost me a scratch. The demon, trying to get rid of me, scraped his nails on my neck, making four marks that I barely felt at the time but would later sting like hell. He made a run.
I shifted my attention back to the matter at hand, and before he could charge at someone else's neck, I rushed to him, threw my fist back and delivered the punch.
Dude didn't even stand a chance.
(…)
The night was getting longer than I anticipated. The paramedics arrived with the police and were now providing first aid and taking statements. The youkai turned the man's face into mush, but he had survived. Lucky him. A slightly stronger demon, and it would be a whole other story.
Cops were talking to the witnesses, and I knew it would soon be my turn. I didn't want to wait, much less speak to the authorities. I would have left but ultimately thought it would be good to provide my account of how things went down—even if it was just to help put that scummy couple in jail.
They would hardly be charged for abuse or anything like that, but they might get some jail time for putting humans at risk, and that was better than nothing, I guess.
This reminded me of what Koenma told me when I met him a couple of weeks ago. "You know the police won't lift a finger to investigate a thing." He was spot on. Humans could be fucking assholes sometimes.
I lit a cigarette, trying to warm up. Staying there that long wasn't in my plans. None of this was, really. What was I thinking?
Kurama once told me I would never be able to settle down, never be able to stay out of trouble. Well, tell that to my last six years.
Everyone expected me to head to Makai when the war broke out. Hell, I expected it, too. To this day, I don't know if deciding to stay was me being brave or a coward. Maybe just stupid. After all, fighting was always what I did best. Damn, perhaps the only thing I could do right. But even that drive had abandoned me at the time. When you lose the only good thing you have in life, nothing else matters.
I wandered around the lot behind the tent that had now been taken down. A cargo trailer was nearby, parked by a grass area with its doors ajar. I got closer.
The trailer was plain, with white exteriors and worn down around the edges. It looked like it had done its fair share of miles. The area close to the wheels was starting to rust.
I peeked inside. A foul smell was coming from the interiors, and initially, I backed away, disgusted. But I had an idea of what that was about, so I opened the doors and got in.
Inside, the trailer reeked of blood, excrement, and trash, but mostly blood. It was pretty dark, but I could see damn well what the cargo was: stacked animal cages — primarily chickens and snakes —a shelf crammed with folders and papers, a shoebox with piles and piles of ofuda, and another cage, much larger than the others, all the way to the back.
The youkai was inside, sitting on the ground of the cage. They must have had a spare (maybe for a second act? Fuck, I'd rather not think too much about this) because the one they brought him into the tent got smashed to pieces.
I was surprised to find him alive, but I knew it wouldn't be for much longer. To be honest, I don't know how Reikai's Special Defense Force hadn't shown up yet. There was no way they would let this slide.
Now, at the back of that trailer, he was nothing like he was during the show. His energy was almost depleted, and he sat on the ground, defeated. His hands were in front of him, between his legs, his head resting on the bars. He seemed drugged. They probably had given him a sedative or something. Now, seeing him up close, I noticed that, among the wounds on his body, a series of numbers was painted on his arm, like a tattoo. Some sort of serial number? What for?
His mouth was moving, and some low sounds were coming out of it. Maybe he was trying to communicate, but nothing intelligible came out—just grunts, muffled sounds. They went in a constant rhythm, like a chant.
I crouched. I waved my hand, and he lifted his head towards me.
"Hey, buddy. You trying to say something?" I asked, but he continued his chant-like grunt without skipping a beat. His chin was red with the dried blood from earlier. There was something strange about him, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Ok, everything about him was strange, with his opaque, lifeless eyes, his skin-and-bone body, his bruises and marks all over. But still, there was something else bothering me.
His hands between his legs also started to move. They made circular, repetitive gestures, scratching the wooden floor of the cage. I looked closely, but just like his sounds, that also made no sense. If he was trying to write or tell me something, we were going nowhere. The fact that the only light inside the trailer came from the open doors also didn't help.
I examined the youkai's face again. The weird-ass mantra went on, but now it sounded almost cabalistic. Maybe I was letting this whole thing get into my head, but suddenly, his white eyes gave me the chills. Same with his wounds, his missing ear, his mouth—
The mouth!
I finally understood what was so strange, what seemed wrong. Besides the bloody claws, the mouth was a dark, empty gap. He had no tongue; it had been cut off or ripped out.
My hands were ice-cold, but somehow, sweat drops still ran down my face.
"What does this mean?" I asked, knowing I wouldn't get an answer. Without his tongue, the youkai could make only mere disgruntled sounds, and as for writing, he didn't seem very apt either.
I had seen enough. There would be no more answers here, and even if there were, I wasn't sure I wanted to keep witnessing whatever that was. I needed to get out. Not just from the trailer, but that street, the parking lot, the whole area. Screw the police and the statements.
But the youkai's chant-grunt grew louder, and I stopped to look one last time before leaving. That was a mistake.
Out of the blue, as the mantra volume increased, he began to get up inside the cage. I don't know how, but he managed to stand, supported on his thin, injured legs. That wasn't good. He was looking directly at me, but it was as if he was in a trance. Did he want to tell me something? What?
Before I knew it, his hand was at his own throat. The claws dug into his skin. And they dug in such a way that thin streams of blood began to flow, only a few drops at first, but getting thicker and thicker. He was gouging his own skin. Holy shit!
In a slow and controlled manner — and completely hypnotic, drawing my gaze like a magnet too strong to resist — he dragged his claws from one end of his throat to the other, bringing skin and flesh with them. What had been just a trickle of blood now broke like a dam. His voice became a gurgle.
The chant ceased. He fell in spasms, letting the blood soak the wooden floor of the cage. I stood there, static.
What the actual fuck was that?