Chapter 32: Back to school
Alas, the summer had come to an end. It was now time to go back to spending hours locked up in poorly ventilated lecture halls. Kuroo's day had started beautifully with Nobishi-san, a charming man who had the gift of making all his students feel like a bunch of illiterate fools, and whose nasally voice had the insane ability to pierce through the eardrums of his audience. Kuroo's only consolation was that he was finally reunited with his favorite classmates: Chris and Oikawa.
"Have you already thought about where you want to do your internship?" Oikawa asked once they were out of class.
Kuroo adjusted his backpack and turned to his friend.
"Not yet, but we still have time, right? It's not until next year, there's plenty of time."
"You know, for once, I think Nobishi is right, we should start looking for one now."
"But it's not until April or May next year, there's plenty of time, relax!"
"Relax? Come on Kuroo, use your head a little. Companies start asking for funding for interns as early as September, and the competition is tough, especially for international programs. It's better to get started as soon as possible to be at the top of the list. Anyway, I'm telling you this for you, since I already know where I'm going to apply," he said, raising his chin to strike his usual sophisticated pose that Kuroo knew so well.
The brunet let out a smirk.
"Really, and where are you going to apply?"
" NASA, of course," Oikawa said proudly.
Kuroo chuckled, barely managing to contain his laughter.
"NASA, really?"
"Hmm, the NASA Astrobiology Institute to be exact."
"Wow, ok," Kuroo replied, still holding back his laughter. "I didn't know they had branches in Japan."
"Don't be stupid, Kuroo, the institute is in California."
"Are you planning to go to California for your internship?"
"Of course... Although I'm not sure... They have research sites all over the planet, the one in Australia is not bad... Or in Canada."
Kuroo stopped in his tracks, stunned.
"Seriously?"
"Of course."
Kuroo nodded and turned his attention to Chris:
"Do you already know where you want to do yours?"
"Not yet... I'm torn between academic research and industry. Naturally, I lean more towards research, but I think getting to know the business world a bit more would be good for my curriculum..."
"Wow... you guys did think that through."
This time Kuroo didn't find it funny at all. Oikawa might be right, he was already behind and had pull himself together... Damn, but he had no idea where to apply... But if he procrastinated too much, he would end up with no choice at all...
"You're stressing me out now!"
"Well, good, then you'll get moving."
They went to sit at one of the picnic tables in front of their classroom building. They still had an hour before they had to go back to class. As soon as they were settled, Oikawa pulled out his laptop.
"Here, you could apply to Takeda Pharmaceuticals," he announced. "They're looking for interns."
"You're still on about that?"
"I'm doing this for you, Kuroo... Do you have a Lancers profile?"
"A what?"
"Kuroo... put some effort into it, please," he turned his computer screen, "look, you create a profile with your background, so companies can look you up if they're searching for someone, and you can also do targeted searches... you click here and..."
"Hey, what are you guys doing?"
They all turned to see that Bokuto had joined them. He leaned over to kiss his boyfriend's cheek and sat down next tpo him.
"Honestly, I'm not sure," Kuroo said.
"I'm explaining to this blockhead how to make a Lancers profile."
"You don't have a professional profile?" Bokuto asked, almost outraged.
"Haha, very funny."
"I'm not joking, it's super important for visibility, and for professional searches. It's always a plus you know. There are other platforms too, actually, it's better to choose something a little bit international, it's good for networking"
Kuroo was stunned.
"How do you know all that?"
Bokuto frowned, genuinely puzzled.
"Babe, I'm getting a master's in international business, does that surprise you that much?"
Kuroo didn't know how to respond. He ended up shaking his head negatively.
"Oh yeah, that's right, have you already started looking for an internship for next year?" Oikawa asked.
"Yep, I've actually already submitted quite a few resumes. None of them got back to me yet, but yeah."
Oikawa turned to him, slightly exasperated.
"Do you still think I'm exaggerating?"
"You haven't even started looking yet, Babe? You know it goes fast, you have to hurry!"
"Yes, okay! I got it! Stop stressing me out like this!"
Bokuto and Oikawa exchanged a look, surprised by his reaction. Finally, a slightly mocking smile appeared on their lips.
"Bokuto-san, happy birthday. It was this weekend right?" Chris intervened.
"Oh yes, yesterday! Thank you!"
"Oh, happy birthday," said Oikawa.
"Thank you."
"Did you do anything special?" Chris asked.
"No, we just went to my parents' and..."
He was interrupted by Oikawa's loud gasp.
"You met your in-laws?"
"Uh... yes... Well, in-laws no, I..."
"And you didn't tell us!?" Oikawa slumped onto the table, placing his hands under his chin, "I want to know everything!"
Damn it. He didn't want to talk about it at all. I guess the cat was out of the bag now, damn it. At least they weren't talking about internships anymore, that was something.
-/-
Kuroo couldn't believe that his return to school had been spoiled like this... No one would be surprised to learn that he was naturally anxious and that the slightest thing could send him spiraling. Fortunately for him, he was used to it, and over time he had almost learned to take it with a bit of nonchalance. Sure, part of his mind would drift off and spin endlessly, creating the most atrocious scenarios, but another part of him managed to put things into perspective. Sure, the balance was fragile, but it still worked.
He was still battling with his tortured mind when the classes ended. It was still early in the afternoon when Kuroo found himself alone after his two friends abandoned him to go to their microbiology class. He had briefly considered going to the library but ultimately decided against it. In the end he decided that hanging out with his boyfriends would cheer him up. Unfortunately, Kōtarō was still in class until 6.30pm, Kenma was unreachable, and Keiji had already left for Fukuro... He had hesitated to go straight home, but the idea of being alone in his gloomy and tiny apartment didn't appeal to him much. He had started to taste the luxury of living in a house and having company at all time. It was difficult now to fully appreciate the cupboard in which he lived and its lukewarm showers.
So in the end he decided to head to the Fukuro. He could still hang around while waiting for Keiji to finish his shift. Besides, now that Konoha could tolerate his presence, he was safe to return to the coffee shop again. After a quick chat with Keiji and Konoha at the counter, he finally settled at a table near the window with a steaming latte. While he initially wanted to reorganize his notes, the internship spiral swallowed him again and he started looking for opportunities on line.
"What are you doing?"
Kuroo looked up from the computer. Too engrossed in his research, he hadn't even noticed that Keiji had sat down across from him.
"Uh... I'm looking for an internship... or rather an idea"
"Oh? Already? I thought internships would not start until next year?"
"That's what I said! But Oikawa and Kōtarō stressed me out and told me that I was already behind!"
"That seems a bit exaggerated to me, but I am not sure if I have all the keys to understand the urgency."
"Ah, there you go! Apparently, companies are already looking and making funding requests, and that's why I need to get moving... I can understand that, but I haven't thought about what I want to do yet, and then..."
Kuroo went into a long monologue, following the twists and turns of his reflection. Keiji listened patiently, nodding every now and then.
"Can I come to your place tonight?"
Akaashi had interrupted him in the middle of his sentence. Kuroo fell silent, surprised by the sudden request and its degree of politeness.
"At my place?"
His boyfriend nodded.
"Uh, okay, if you want..."
"Perfect!"
"But I don't have much to eat, though... Well, I have instant ramen... Or we can stop by the Konbini before..."
"Ramens are just fine. My shift ends in twenty minutes," Keiji interrupted him again.
Tetsurō frowned, surprised by his attitude. He completely forgot his confusion when his lover smiled at him. He was not hard to convince.
"Okay, I'll wait for you here then."
Keiji nodded and went back behind the counter. Kuroo watched him go, still troubled by the... spontaneity of this exchange. That thought eventually dissolved completely, replaced by the simple euphoria of being able to spend time with his lover. After twenty minutes, Keiji came back to him with his things and they left together.
When they arrived at his place, the night had completely fallen. They found themselves in his small apartment, lit by an orange light, eating instant ramen, sitting on the floor, talking, and laughing. Keiji's laughter had silenced his anxiety. The only downside for Kuroo was that his ramen supply had seriously depleted, as once the first bowl was finished, Keiji's stomach growled as if it hadn't been fed for days. They laughed about it once, and then again when the episode repeated itself after the second bowl.
"You were famished, for heaven's sake," Kuroo finally remarked.
"Oh, sorry... To be honest, I did not have time to eat lunch today, and I am not sure my body absorbed anything from what I ate yesterday."
"Don't apologize, it's nothing... Yesterday at Kōtarō's parents' house?"
Keiji nodded.
"Can I tell you something?"
Kuroo frowned, concerned.
"Yes, of course."
"Nakayama-san terrifies me," murmured his lover.
Kuroo burst out laughing, not expecting that kind of confession at all.
"Don't laugh, it's true!"
"No, I believe you, he terrifies me too."
"Really?"
"Phew, what a relief! I thought he was only like that with me because I'm the new guy—and, well, you know, a beta. Guess not. Sorry for you, though... but I can't lie, that does make me feel a bit better."
"Worry not, I am not sure that weighs much in the balance."
Kuroo burst out laughing again.
"I thought they spent your childhood trying to pair you with Kōtarō, he must be thrilled to have you in his family!"
"No, absolutely not... The rest of his parents maybe, but Nakayama-san? He has never been thrilled... I suppose I should be And yet I should be satisfied he tolerates me now. The second time I came to his house as Kōtarō's official boyfriend, he told me he did not even expect me to give him worthy offsprings. I was fifteen."
Kuroo couldn't help but snicker.
"Ish, that's brutal."
"It is."
"If it's any consolation, yesterday he asked me if I knew how to cook because he wasn't sure of my efficiency in 'the main nest'."
It was Akaashi's turn to burst out laughing.
"That is worrisome, since he is not very certain of my efficiency either, considerinf my 'scrawny and unimpressive' physique."
"He really said that?"
"Yes... But I was seventeen at the time, which was not far from the truth. He has not made that remark in a while though. I suppose, I should probably be satisfied with that..."
"Hmm... Seems like Kenma's the only one on his side, then."
"It' is only natural, he is the one who put a roof over his son's head. Nakayama-san would not dare to say anything negative about Kenma."
"Hmm, you have a point..."
"And yet, you are lucky you did not meet his grandmother. Nakayama-san's mother is the matriarch of the clan. An exceptional woman indeed, but far from easygoing. Nakayama-san's attitude certainly comes from her, and she is less... gentle than him."
"Ooh... I'm really not looking forward to meeting her then..."
"I also hope for your sake that it will not happen anytime soon."
They laughed together.
Keiji finished his third XXL bowl of ramen, this time his stomach seemed satisfied. He got up to get his bag. Tetsurō watched him, and saw him take out two orange pill bottles that he recognized immediately. He frowned:
"Uh, Love?"
"Yes?"
"Sorry to... well... Didn't you take your suppressants earlier? Do you need to take them again?"
Akaashi stopped, his gaze lost focus, and it took him several seconds for him to come back to himself.
"Oh, no... I just forgot... Thank you for reminding me."
Kuroo simply nodded. Keiji put his bag back down but remained standing where he was.
"Hmm... Do you want to watch something?"
"Oh, yes, with pleasure."
"Okay! I have to show you the drama my sisters and I started, they're about to release season 2 so we could watch it together! It takes a little time to get into it, but once you're hooked, I promise it's amazing!"
Kuroo set up his futon and they settled on it, placing the computer in front of them. He couldn't help but spoil half of the first season before starting the first episode. Tetsurō sat down and let Keiji lie on him, his head resting on his chest. He got caught up in the series from the first few minutes, only really coming back to himself at the end of the first episode when he heard Keiji sigh.
"Are you bored?"
Keiji raised his eyes to find his gaze.
"I have to admit that yes, a little."
"Oh..."
A somewhat mischievous smile spread across Akaashi's lips.
"But only because I have a better idea in mind."
"Oh? I wonder what that could be?"
He knew perfectly well what it was.
Keiji smiled at him. He straightened up, closed the computer, and placed it further away. Kuroo watched him come back to him. Their eyes never left each other. Keiji leaned towards him, straddling his hips. He ran his hands through his hair and pulled him in for a passionate kiss.
-/-
Akaashi opened his eyes. Turning his head, he noticed that Tetsurō had fallen asleep, his relaxed features resting on the pillow. He let out a smile, still not taking his eyes off his lover.
His smile slowly faded as the heavy silence of the room settled, the turmoil within him echoing loudly in the stillness. Keiji took a deep breath, trying to shake off the weight pressing on his diaphragm. He gave up.
He glanced toward his bag, left on the floor just inches away, and stared at it for a long moment before sighing, defeated by his own conscience. Carefully, he extricated himself from Kuroo's embrace, unfolding his limbs as slowly as possible to avoid disturbing the blanket. Suddenly, he froze at the sound of Kuroo groaning.
Realizing that Tetsurō was still sound asleep, Keiji let out a sigh of relief. He quickly put on his underwear, grabbed his bag, and headed toward the bathroom. As he was about to close the door, Kuroo's voice startled him:
"What are you doing?"
The brunet's voice was so sleepy that he wasn't sure if he was fully awake.
"I'm going... to the bathroom."
Silence.
"Okay... watch out for the snails."
"...okay."
Only a sleepy groan answered him. Keiji waited a few seconds and then closed the door. He was alone.
He took the time to breathe deeply, two, then three times, and finally opened his bag. He pulled out two pills bottles.
He just had to hang on a little longer, just long enough to find a solution. Just a little while, nothing more. He opened the first bottle and slipped a pill into his hand... then another. He did the same with the second one. He looked at the four small white pills in his hand in the harsh neon light of the bathroom.
Just for this time.
He swallowed the pills in one go and turned on the faucet to take a big gulp of water. As he straightened up, he found his own gaze facing him in the mirror. He quickly looked away.
Just for this time.
-/-
Kuroo couldn't deny it anymore: Keiji was acting weird. And he was starting to worry.
He had initially thought it might just be his imagination, or that he was overreacting. But the facts were becoming increasingly hard to overlook...
It all started about ten days ago. At first, it could have looked like fatigue, Keiji seemed to be completely detached from reality from time to time, standing still in the middle of the hallway, the kitchen or the street, staring into space as if the world had never existed at all, or as if his internal system had completely crashed. Each time, he would quickly snap out of it and act as if nothing had happened. Then he began to display a series of... strange behaviors, so subtle and fast that Kuroo sometimes wondered if he was hallucinating them.
One of the most alarming events by far was when Kuroo started finding pebbles under his pillow in the morning when he slept in Kōtarō's old room. At first, he thought it might be a rodent hiding somewhere in the walls and deciding to make its nest under his pillow... every night... That hypothesis was ruled out when he woke up in his own bed, in his own apartment, with pebbles under his pillow. He then considered the idea that it was the work of a serial killer; he even spent several hours on the Internet, reading old articles and dark forums, trying to find out if this was a distinctive signature of a lunatic killer still on the loose. Except for some information about penguin courtship displays, he found nothing on the subject, not a single mention of a "pebble killer" online. So he went back to the rodent hypothesis; perhaps it was common in Tokyo at this time of year for these little animals to seek shelter for the winter all over the city?
Finally, he discovered the real culprit, and it was no less alarming. One afternoon, while walking with Akaashi in Ueno Park, the latter had suddenly left him, only to return ten minutes later to thrust a pebble into his hands... Don't get him wrong, the gesture was touching; it was a nice pebble, smooth, colorful... but still a pebble. Kuroo had stared at the mineral for a long time, realizing then that there had never been any rodents or even a serial killer, just his boyfriend who had decided to offer him pebbles, and that was far more alarming than anything else. He had looked up and noticed that Akaashi had the same look he had when he woke up too early in the morning and wasn't connected to reality yet. Kuroo had not said anything at that time, and simply thanked him for the gift. Keiji had smiled at him and gone back to his mineral hunting. He had tried to talk to him about it later, but Keiji had acted as if nothing had happened.
Kuroo then started considering dissociative identity disorder, which might explain the sudden personality changes and the black outs... He had tried to look into it, but gave up, as reading the DSM played too much with his hypochondriac nature. So, he turned to the people who probably knew him better than he did, and who, as a bonus, had a "neurophysiological" connection with him: his mates.
Unfortunately, they weren't much help: Kenma was completely focused on his streaming marathon and hadn't seen the light of day for a while, only coming out of his room to restock on food and maintain basic hygiene. As for Kōtarō, between his classes, his internship and job search, and helping Kenma with the stream moderation, he wasn't much more present either. Kuroo had tried to ask him if he had noticed anything strange about Keiji lately, but Kōtarō had simply replied, "Not really... I feel like he's a bit distant, but he must be stressed with his classes and his application for the master's program, don't worry." Tetsurō hadn't pressed.
The "a little distant" remark caught his attention. Keiji was many things, but he wasn't "distant" at all, at least not with him. Let's just say that his "appetite" was insatiable. He didn't complain about it, but he had to admit that sometimes it became too much for him.
The strangest event by far was when Kuroo, who had entered Keiji's room to ask him something, found him kneeling in front of his bed, stuffing a sweatshirt underneath it.
"Isn't that mine?"
Of course, it was his sweatshirt; he would recognize it anywhere, and it had been missing for a while now.
Keiji had turned to him with a look of pure panic painted on his face. He quickly regained hiscomposure. Strange... But maybe he was just surprised by his sudden appearance. After all, he had come in unannounced.
"Oh, uh... Yes, I found it, I thought I'd put it away to wash it later", Keiji explained.
"Under you bed?"
Keiji just nodded.
"Yes, I... I was going to put it there for now... with the rest of it."
"The rest of it?"
Panic once again crossed Akaashi's eyes.
Alarmed, Tetsurō had entered the room and leaned over to see what was under the bed. He wasn't disappointed when he discovered a tangle of sheets, pillowcases, blankets (so that's where they went!) and a lot of clothes that he was sure didn't belong to Akaashi at all. It was even more strange because Keiji wasn't the type to leave his stuff lying around, let alone someone else's...
"I put them there... for now. I'll bring them down... later."
Even Keiji didn't seem very sure of his explanation.
Kuroo frowned Something was definitely amiss. He was about to confront him once and for all, but Keiji cut him off before he could say anything:
"Sex?"
The sudden question caught him completely off guard.
"What? Now?"
"Hmm," Keiji confirmed.
Did he really think he could charm him like this?
Of course, and it was very effective.
A rather mixed result for Tetsurō, who ended up with a good shot of dopamine but with far more unresolved questions than at the beginning of his day.
-/-
Kuroo had tried to find a logical explanation for Keiji's behavior, but unfortunately for him, his knowledge was still too limited, and the internet was once again of no help. It was quite alarming to realize that every time he tried to research non-betas, the only content he found was pornographic. It was getting tiresome. He had formulated a hypothesis, though, but he had no real way to verify it. So, he decided to turn to those who had educated him much more on the subject in the past than the internet: his CATO gang.
He took advantage of a lull between arguments and a card game to ask:
"Hey, I was wondering, for my um... personal knowledge..."
Oikawa turned to him with a bored look:
"What now? Seriously, you need to stop watching weird porn..."
"What! No! Why does everyone keep saying that?!"
"Because it's true..."
"No... But... It's not my fault if there are so few reliable resources outside of... Never mind."
"What do you want to ask?" Sugawara intervened much more kindly than Oikawa.
"I... I was just wondering, can alpha nest?"
Oikawa looked at him from head to toe:
"Why do you want to know that?"
"Just curious..."
"Hmm, yes, some do," Sugawara replied.
Oh... Interesting.
"Oh... okay... I thought it was only omegas."
"Hmm... I think all omegas nest during their pregnancy and when they have newborns, but not necessarily in estrus. Wait, Noya!"
"No, wait!" Kuroo murmured in panic.
He didn't necessarily want to draw everyone's attention to the question. Too late, Nishinoya had already turned his head.
"Question: do you nest in estrus?"
Kuroo buried his face in his hands when Noya approached them. He only answered the question once he reached their height.
"Uh... No, but Azumane does... He messes everything up every time by moving all the blankets... And I spend days looking for my clothes because he hides them everywhere."
Kuroo looked up, intrigued.
"Now that I think about it," Sugawara intervened, "I'm not sure that alphas make nests... it's not called the same... Wait... a burrow?"
"A bower," Kageyama translated for Hinata.
"A bower?"
The brunet nodded.
"Okay... But how is it different?" Kuroo asked.
"Hmm... It's more about courtship behaviors... nests are more functional than bowers, I think," Sugawara replied.
"But bowers are prettier," Kageyama translated for Hinata.
"I think Azumane's nests are cute," Nishinoya commented.
"Yuu..." the concerned party lamented, deeply mortified.
For Kuroo's taste, there were a few too many people involved. Hinata started signing quickly, so much so that no one but Kageyama caught the content, and he just added:
"No comment."
Sugawara turned his eyes towards Kageyama:
"I didn't know you made bowers, Kageyama."
Hinata seemed delighted by this opening and took the opportunity to pull out his phone. As he approached them, Kageyama tried to intercept him, but the redhead dodged swiftly and turned his phone towards the small assembly.
"Oh shit!" exclaimed Nishinoya, leaning over Oikawa's shoulder who also seemed equally astonished.
"I didn't know you had a degree in architecture," Sugawara joked as he took the phone.
Tanaka and Daichi approached, intrigued. Sugawara handed them the phone, Kageyama looking devastated.
"Oh, Kageyama, look at that! You must be so proud of it! As you should!" said Daichi with disarming seriousness.
"It's Dubaï my guy, how did you manage to build that seriously?!"
Kageyama didn't react at all, too mortified by what was happening to do anything about it. He eventually turned, but unfortunately for him, Sawamura and Tanaka followed him, continuing to shower him with compliments. Hinata took back the phone and chased after his mate before Kuroo even had a chance to catch a glimpse of the picture.
The excitement eventually died down, and Kuroo found himself again with Oikawa and Sugawara, who had resumed their childish squabble.
"Tell me, Suga-mama..."
"Stop calling me that!" protested the addressed one, putting an end to the ongoing puppy fight once and for all.
He was about to continue but changed his mind upon catching Kuroo's gaze.
"What's up?"
Kuroo hesitated. It wasn't too late to back out and keep all this to himself.
"I don't know... I'm worried about Keiji."
"How so?"
"I don't know... He's been acting weird lately..."
Kuroo leaned in to speak more quietly:
"He keeps bringing me rocks and... I found him the last time hiding my sweatshirt under his bed and... Fuck, he's horny all the time !"
Sugawara and Oikawa chuckled in unison.
"Stop it! It's not funny!"
"Pfft... Is that why you asked us that? The nest thing?"
"Yeah…"
"Don't worry, it's probably nothing bad. He might just be in pre-rut."
"I don't know... It's not the same as... When Oikawa was, well, you know."
"It's not the same for everyone and..."
"Did Bokuto and Kenma notice something?" Oikawa interrupted.
"No... I asked them, well, Kōtarō, but he didn't notice anything."
Oikawa's gaze darkened, he let himself fall back on the couch and crossed his arms, visibly worried.
"And you haven't noticed any changes with them?"
"Not really. Why?"
"Yes, why?" Sugawara insisted.
"Well... If he was in pre-rut, they would have noticed, and it would have triggered their cycle too..."
"Oh yes..."
"Shit..." Oikawa muttered. "It's the suppressants."
Sugawara frowned:
"What do you mean?" asked Sugawara. "We're all on suppressants."
"No, he's overdosing."
The silvered one seemed to now share Oikawa's concern.
"What? Wait, what do you mean?" Kuroo intervened.
Oikawa leaned forward, catching his gaze:
"Kuroo... I think you should talk to him, and quickly."
"Hmm... okay, but I don't know if I should get involved in that…"
"If he's doing what I think he's doing, he's putting his health at risk. Suppressants lower pheromone and hormone levels, but they're not supposed to block entry into the cycle. If he starts acting like this, he's probably entering the pre-rut... But if no one has noticed, it's because he increased the doses to block it."
Kuroo was speechless. It took him several seconds to be able to speak again:
"But why would he do that?"
"I have no idea, but if he keeps on doing it, it's going to trigger a reactive rut."
"A... what?"
"It's when your body takes over," Sugawara finally intervened.
"And it doesn't do it gently," the chestnut haired finished. He seemed to hesitate, glanced on each side, and finally resumed in a low voice: "it happened to me before, twice actually and…"
Sugawara seemed shaken by the news.
"Really? Tōru..."
"Yes, I know, it sucks..."
"When was that?"
"A long time ago, when I started living with Hajime I... well," he turned his gaze back to Kuroo, "it was a stupid mistake, and it can be dangerous. Especially with two omegas, it can trigger a reactive estrus for them too, and it's not really pleasant."
Kuroo was disarmed; he felt his throat tighten with distress.
"What do I do?"
"Talk to him... If it's really that, reason with him. He probably has his reasons, but whatever they are, I swear it's absolutely not worth it..."
-/-
It didn't take long for Kuroo to make up his mind. He tried to convince himself that it wasn't that serious, that he probably overreacted... After all, Kōtarō might be right; Keiji might be acting like this because of stress. But as the days passed, the evidence supporting Oikawa's hypothesis became more and more overwhelming. Akaashi had become more and more distant, even with him, as if he tried to spend as little time as possible with them in the same room. As if he was hiding something...
Kuroo wondered if talking directly to Kenma and Kōtarō about it wouldn't be better, but he quickly changed his mind. If Oikawa was right, he needed to talk to Akaashi directly.
It was time for him to face him.
-/-
Keiji heard his phone vibrating. He didn't immediately pay attention to it, deciding that he had already struggled enough to focus on this chapter of contemporary literature to turn his attention away from it. He continued reading, but quickly the words started to tangle in his mind. No matter how hard he tried to reread the same paragraph, the words were eluding him. He gave up trying to read further and let himself fall back onto his chair. He sighed and massaged his temples. His body and his mind were about to give in.
He had to hold on a little longer.
He grabbed his bag from the floor and took out the pill bottle from one of the inner pockets. He shook it. It was almost empty. Already. His prescription wouldn't be renewed for several weeks... Yet, he still had to hold on... Just a little longer.
His phone vibrated again. Akaashi put the medicine back into his bag and took out his phone. He frowned when he saw that Tetsurō had texted him twice. He had seen him in the living room barely an hour ago, he must still be in the house, why hadn't he come here directly if he wanted to ask him something? He opened the texts:
"Can we talk?"
"It's important."
His breath quickened, anxiety rising within him. It wasn't the time, not right now, not here.
He might be worrying for nothing... It was very unlikely that Tetsurō... well. It was probably something unrelated, and it would be unfair of him to refuse to talk to him... Refusing would also seem suspicious.
"Yes if you want," he finally replied.
"Ok, grab the laundry and meet me downstairs."
Although deeply perplexed, Akaashi complied. He retrieved the laundry basket from the bathroom and went downstairs to the basement. As he opened the door to the laundry room, he found Tetsurō waiting, leaning against the washing machine.
"What do you..."
Tetsurō gestured for him to be quiet, and he complied. The brunet took the laundry basket and began sorting the colors. He eventually loaded the black laundry he had collected into the machine, closed the drum, added detergent, and finally started the cycle.
"Did you... want me to come here for this?" Akaashi asked.
"No, it was just so no one would hear us."
Akaashi frowned, alarmed by his answer.
"I wanted to talk to you, and keepit between us, at least for now."
"Oh."
Keiji adjusted his posture and clasped his hands together, trying his best to regain his composure.
"What did you want to talk about?" he asked.
Kuroo leaned back against the washing machine once again.
"About you."
"About me?"
Keiji focused on his breathing, counting the rhythm of his breaths in his head to prevent himself from panicking.
"Keiji... Are you okay?" Kuroo asked.
"Oh... Yes, yes, I am perfectly fine?" he lied. "Why do you ask?"
"Because it doesn't seem like it."
"Yes, no, I just... have a lot of classes and I... It is nothing serious, you do not need to worry."
Keiji attempted a smile to reassure him and quickly looked away.
"By the way, I still have work to do, I should..."
"Hmm, ok, so you're not harming yourself or putting your health at risk, right?" Kuroo interrupted.
Akaashi turned his head, his boyfriend's gaze instantly locking onto his own. In his eyes danced a mixture of anger, sadness, and concern...
Keiji lost count of his breaths, but he could still hold on.
"Tetsurō, no, I can assure you that everything is fine and that…"
"Okay. So you're not overdosing on suppressants to avoid going into rut then, are you?" Kuroo retorted, his tone cutting the air sharply.
Akaashi was taken aback. He remained stunned for a while.
Kuroo held his gaze.
Kuroo saw the moment Akaashi gave in, when all the weight he had been trying to bear for weeks finally crashed down on him, heavy and dense. Keiji's mask fell, and Tetsurō's shattered at the same time.
Akaashi sighed and sat down on the floor. He had lowered his defenses. He could no longer lie, to himself, or Kuroo. He looked up and offered Kuroo a sad smile.
"I did not think you would be the first one to notice," he murmured.
The anger had completely left Tetsurō, only concern, fear, and tenderness could be seen in his eyes now.
"Oh... Love..."
He squatted in front of Keiji and took his face in his hands. The physical contact and the resonance of his voice overwhelmed Keiji, who felt tears welling up in his eyes.
"Why are you doing this, Keiji?" he murmured.
Keiji couldn't answer, feeling a huge lump forming in his throat. He closed his eyes and placed his hand on Tetsurō's, feeling like he was falling and hoping that the contact would slow down his descent.
"Maybe I shouldn't get involved... I don't know... Is it me? I swear it doesn't change anything... I'm here for you. I'm here for you, Keiji."
"No, it's not you..."
Silence stretched for long seconds.
"Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to, but I want to help. I don't want you to harm yourself like that, you understand ?"
Keiji's hands began to tremble. Kuroo took them in his own, trying to reassure him.
"I... It is really stupid... But..."
"But?"
"Well... About six months ago, we... decided to share our cycles together for the first time... all three of us."
"For the first time?"
"Yes... Before we lived together, they tended to be out of sync, and... Kenma always had difficult cycles... both physically and psychologically, that's why he wanted to be alone. We... We thought that maybe this time... The doctor even told us that staying with us might make things easier for Kenma..."
"And I guess that wasn't the case?"
Keiji nodded.
"What happened?"
"I am not really sure... I do not remember exactly what happened... But I remember how I felt. I remember his distress, mine, Kotaro's... I remember my helplessness because I felt their distress and could not do anything about it..."
Keiji burst into tears, but he wasn't trembling anymore, his voice wasn't choked with the suddenness of his tears. Still, Kuroo had never seen such pain in his lover's eyes.
"We never really talked about it again... None of us could really remember what had happened... We tacitly decided to keep it silent, I think. I know it would eventually come back, but I hoped to find a solution before... I just wanted a little more time..."
"Oh Love..."
Kuroo pulled him close, holding him in his arms, not knowing what else to do to soothe him.
"I understand, Keiji, but it's still really stupid..."
"I know..."
"So, you are going to stop this, right?"
Keiji hugged him back.
"Yes..."
"Good..."
He kissed his burning temple.
"We'll find a solution, okay... But you can't hurt yourself like that…"
He felt Keiji shudder.
"It'll be okay..."
"Okay..."
They hugged like that for a long time, Kuroo rocking his lover in his arms to calm him down. He only let go when he felt him regain his courage.
"Well, come on, we should go back upstairs."
Akaashi nodded and straightened up. He took a deep breath and took Tetsurō's hand.
"Thank you."
He smiled at him.
Keiji let go of his hand and turned to open the door. However, he didn't step through the threshold and remained completely frozen in front of it. Alarmed,Kuroo tilted his head to see what was going on. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Kenma standing in front of the door, arms crossed. His face was completely closed off, revealing nothing of his emotions, but Kuroo could see that his eyes were still red and his skin wet with tears.
"Are you mad?" Keiji eventually asked.
"No."
"You kinda look mad," Kuroo commented.
This time, Kenma looked truly angry. He turned his eyes to Kuroo.
"Yes, I'm a little mad. But I'm mostly sad."
He turned his gaze back to Keiji.
"I'm sad to learn that my mate would rather harm himself than talk to me."
"I just wanted to protect you," Akaashi tried to justify himself.
Kenma didn't seem to like it much.
"Akaashi Keiji, I've already told you and I'll say it again, I don't want you to lie to me anymore. I love you deeply, but you seriously need to stop with your bullshit!"
Kenma's voice was icy. He spoke clearly, enunciating each of his words clearly. Keiji and Tetsurō shuddered, intimidated by Kenma's voice. Keiji lowered his eyes and nodded.
Kenma seemed to calm down, he sighed and continued:
"We'll talk about this later. In the meantime, we need to make a doctor's appointment, understood?"
Keiji nodded.
"Good... I'll let you talk to Kōtaro then."
Kenma stepped aside to let Keiji pass. The brunet walked past him, trying to catch his gaze, but Kenma ignored him. Keiji sighed and left for good. The blond raised his gaze to Tetsurō.
"Don't be so hard on him..."
"What else can I do?"
The blond entered the laundry room and closed the door behind him.
"I'm sorry you're getting caught up in this..."
Kuroo frowned.
"It's nothing, and it's really not what bothers me..."
He stopped. Kenma had just burst into tears.
"Shit," muttered the blond before sliding down against the door.
Tetsurō remained speechless, not expecting things to turn out this way at all. He didn't know what to say anymore, so he stayed silent. He simply sat in front of the blond.
Kenma cried silently for a few more minutes. Kuroo said nothing. If he had locked him up in with him, there must have been a reason.
Kenma finally raised his head, briefly catching Tetsurō's gaze before looking away.
"It's my fault," he finally said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.
"Why do you think that?"
"Because it's true. It's my fault..."
Kuroo didn't say anything, he just moved closer to Kenma.
"I... I don't remember what happened either, but it wasn't... I think... I think I reacted badly and that... I abandoned them, I... I felt like… I felt that he felt abandoned. I think he..."
He let out another burst of tears, each word seeming painful to him.
"I think he went into torpor, or he almost did..."
"A torpor?"
"It's when all organ function slows down, like a deep hibernation. Alphas can die from it... It can be fatal, it could have killed him! I could have killed him, Tetsu!"
This time, Kuroo threw himself at him to embrace him. Kenma clung to him, holding him so tightly that the embrace was almost painful. Kuroo didn't know what to say, overwhelmed by what he had just learned, unable to know what he should do. Helpless.
"It'll be okay, Kenma, we'll find a solution," he began to whisper to him.
He repeated his words in loops, hoping they would eventually reach Kenma. The blond finally calmed down, loosening his grip on Kuroo but not letting go of him.
"I screwed up... I shouldn't have talked to him like that... I should have reassured him instead of... Well..."
"It's not too late to fix it..."
The blond finally let go of him. He wiped his eyes again.
"Damn... I can't believe he thought it was a good idea to... Damn, sorry, Jiji," he finally met Tetsurō's gaze, "I'm sorry you got caught up in our mess."
Kuroo smiled at him.
"It's nothing... I kinda signed up for it..."
He smiled at him. Kenma raised an eyebrow.
Kuroo leaned in to kiss him, kissing his tear-streaked lips, heavy with his guilt, anger, and sorrow.
"I need to apologize and figure out what to do."
"You wanna go back?"
Kenma nodded. They got up, and although their legs were still shaky, they made their way back upstairs. Keiji was sitting on the living room rug, and Kotaro was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, busy talking on the phone.
"He's calling the doctor," Keiji simply said.
Kenma nodded, but didn't respond. Kenma and Keiji looked at each other for a long moment.
"Sorry for talking to you like that," Kenma finally said to him.
When Keiji turned his eyes to the blond, Kuroo noticed that he was on the verge of tears. The blond approached his mate, and Keiji followed him with his gaze. He sat in front of him and hugged him.
Kotaro hung up. He came to Tetsurō and rested his head on his shoulder.
"So?," the brunet asked.
"We need to go to the hospital for a check-up and blood test..."
"Okay."
Kotaro raised his head and kissed him on the cheek.
"You should go home."
Kuroo turned his eyes, surprised. He understood when he caught Kōtaro's gaze.
That was where his place ended.
He felt his heart tighten but just nodded.
"Okay... let me know when you get back and if everything's okay."
Kotaro nodded. He turned and went to report to his mate what has been said on the phone.
They went to the hospital, and Kuroo went home.
He didn't sleep at all that night.
-end of the chapter-
Sincerely,
Next chapter: "Parai Kuklos 1"
Tetsurō was now on the verge of tears. He didn't think it was possible to cry out of embarrassment. Kenma's eyes were fixed on the floor, visually clinging to the carpet patterns as if his life depended on it.
"Oh, by the way, how stupid of me, I didn't ask, Kuroo-san, will this be your first time, or have you maybe helped someone in this situation before?"
"No, um, first time..."
"Great! You have a lot to learn, make sure you are well informed!"
Megi-san opened her desk drawer and took out a pile of small brochures, which she handed to him. Kuroo just nodded before taking them.
"Thank you..."