Chapter 1: Oath of Indifference
I stood in line with the other recruits, my eyes fixed on the dimly lit underground chamber that would soon become my new home. The air was thick with anticipation and the pungent smell of fear. But not from me. I felt nothing.
The Team Rocket base beneath Goldenrod City was a maze of corridors and rooms, each more secretive than the last. This particular chamber, reserved for initiations, was sparse. Concrete walls, a few flickering fluorescent lights, and a raised platform at the far end where a Team Rocket admin stood watching us with hawkish eyes.
As we waited for the ceremony to begin, my mind drifted. Not out of nervousness or excitement, but simply because that's what minds do when left idle. I found myself thinking back to the path that led me here, to this moment of pledging my allegiance to a criminal organization.
A memory surfaced, unbidden. I was six years old, standing in the schoolyard. Kids were crowded around something on the ground, their voices a cacophony of sobs and shocked whispers. I pushed my way through, curious about the commotion.
There, lying still on the pavement, was a Meowth. Its fur was matted and dirty, eyes glazed over in death. I remember thinking it looked smaller in death than it had in life. This Meowth had been a regular visitor to our school, often begging for scraps or attention from the students.
"It must have been hit by a car," our teacher said, her voice choked with emotion.
All around me, my classmates were crying. Some openly wailed, while others tried to hide their tears. I stood there, staring at the lifeless Pokémon, waiting for some feeling to well up inside me. Sadness, shock, anything. But there was nothing. Just a hollow emptiness where emotion should have been.
I must have stood there for a long time because eventually, my teacher placed a hand on my shoulder. "It's okay to cry, Miles," she said softly. "It's natural to feel sad when something like this happens."
But I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel anything at all.
The admin's voice snapped me back to the present. "Welcome, recruits," he said, his voice carrying easily across the chamber. "You're here because you've chosen to be part of something greater than yourselves. Team Rocket offers power, wealth, and freedom from the mundane rules that hold back the rest of society."
As he spoke about the organization's goals and the risks and rewards of joining, another memory surfaced.
I was twelve, standing in the school hallway after classes had ended for the day. A girl from my class, Lily, had asked to speak with me privately. Her cheeks were flushed, and she kept fidgeting with the hem of her skirt.
"Miles," she began, her voice trembling slightly. "I... I really like you. Would you maybe want to go out sometime?"
I remember thinking that I should feel something. Flattery, perhaps, or embarrassment. Maybe even excitement or attraction. But as I looked at Lily, with her hopeful eyes and nervous smile, I felt nothing but a vast emptiness.
"I'm sorry," I said, my voice flat. "I don't feel the same way."
The light in her eyes dimmed, and she nodded quickly before hurrying away. I watched her go, wondering why I couldn't feel what seemed to come so naturally to others.
The admin was now explaining the oath we would be taking. "This oath binds you to Team Rocket," he said, his eyes sweeping across the line of recruits. "Once you take it, there's no going back. Are you ready to dedicate your lives to our cause?"
A murmur of assent rippled through the group. I remained silent, my mind drifting once again to the past.
I was sixteen, on my first real date. Her name was Emma, and we'd been going out for a few weeks. I'd asked her out mostly to stop the constant questions from friends and family about why I wasn't dating anyone.
We were sitting on a park bench, the setting sun painting the sky in shades of orange and pink. Emma turned to me, her eyes sparkling in the fading light. "Miles," she whispered, leaning in close. "Can I kiss you?"
I nodded, more out of curiosity than desire. Her lips met mine, soft and warm. I could smell her perfume, a light floral scent that reminded me of spring. But as we kissed, I felt nothing. No spark, no flutter in my chest, none of the things I'd heard people describe.
When we parted, Emma was smiling shyly. "That was nice," she said.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. How could I tell her that for me, it had been like kissing a wall? That I'd felt nothing at all?
"Recruits, line up," the admin commanded, pulling me back to the present once more. "It's time to take the oath."
As we formed a straight line facing the platform, one final memory pushed its way to the forefront of my mind.
I was seventeen, standing in a funeral home. The air was heavy with the scent of flowers and the sound of muffled sobs. My mother's casket sat at the front of the room, surrounded by wreaths and photos of her smiling face.
My father stood beside me, his grief palpable. He'd barely stopped crying since we'd received the news of her sudden passing. I watched as friends and family approached us, offering condolences and sharing memories of my mother.
And through it all, I felt nothing. No sadness, no anger at the unfairness of it all, not even a sense of loss. Just an all-consuming emptiness that threatened to swallow me whole.
I remember looking at my reflection in a nearby mirror, seeing my blank expression amid a sea of grieving faces. It was then that I realized something was fundamentally wrong with me. That I was broken in some essential way.
"Repeat after me," the admin's voice cut through my thoughts, bringing me fully back to the present.
As one, we began to recite the Team Rocket oath:
"In shadow we thrive, in chaos we rise, For power and profit, we'll tell any lies. No law can bind us, no moral restrain, In Team Rocket's name, the world we'll obtain."
The words echoed off the concrete walls, our voices blending into a single, determined sound. As I spoke the oath, I felt a glimmer of something. Not quite emotion, but a sense of purpose. A hope that maybe, just maybe, this drastic step would finally make me feel alive.
The admin nodded, a grim smile on his face. "Welcome to Team Rocket," he said. "You're one of us now."
As the other recruits cheered and congratulated each other, I stood silently, my mind already turning to what would come next. I didn't feel excitement or pride, but for the first time in my life, I felt a sense of anticipation.
Whatever Team Rocket had in store for me, it had to be better than the emptiness that had defined my existence so far. And if it wasn't? Well, I wouldn't feel any worse than I already did.
As we filed out of the chamber, ready to begin our new lives as members of Team Rocket, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a polished metal surface. My face was as impassive as ever, but there was something different in my eyes. A spark of something that might, with time and effort, grow into actual feeling.
It wasn't much, but it was a start. And for now, it was enough.
The initiation ceremony concluded, and we were herded into another room for processing. The stark fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, casting harsh shadows across the faces of my fellow recruits. Some looked excited, others nervous, but all wore expressions I couldn't quite understand or mirror.
A gruff-looking man with a clipboard started calling out names, assigning each recruit to different divisions within Team Rocket. I waited, my name feeling foreign on my tongue as I prepared to respond.
"Miles Harley," the man finally called out.
"Here," I replied, my voice steady and emotionless.
He looked me up and down, his eyes narrowing slightly. "You're assigned to the Poison Division. Report to Sub-Level 3, Room 42 at 0600 hours in two days. Proceed with basic training tomorrow morning at 0600 hours."
I nodded, committing the information to memory. The Poison Division. It seemed fitting, somehow. Poison was often described as insidious, creeping through a system unnoticed until it was too late. Much like how I had moved through life, I supposed.
As I turned to leave, a hand clasped my shoulder. I looked up to see the admin who had led the oath ceremony.
"Harley," he said, his voice low. "I noticed you during the ceremony. You've got a certain... quality we look for in Team Rocket. Keep your head down, follow orders, and you might go far."
I nodded again, unsure how to respond. What quality had he seen? My lack of emotion? My willingness to join a criminal organization without hesitation? Whatever it was, it seemed to have caught his attention.
As I made my way out of the underground base and back to the bustling streets of Goldenrod City, I couldn't help but reflect on the stark contrast between the two worlds. Above ground, people rushed about their daily lives, laughing, arguing, living. Below, in the shadows, a new life awaited me.
I walked aimlessly through the city, my feet carrying me to familiar places that now felt alien. I passed by my old school, the park where I had my first kiss, the funeral home where we'd said goodbye to my mother. Each location was a marker of a life I was leaving behind, a life where I had never quite fit in.
As night fell, I found myself standing outside my family home. The lights were on inside, and through the window, I could see my father sitting in his armchair, reading a newspaper. For a moment, I considered going inside, saying goodbye, trying to explain my decision. But what would I say? How could I make him understand when I barely understood it myself?
Instead, I turned away, melting into the shadows of the city that would soon become my domain. Tomorrow, I would begin my new life as a member of Team Rocket. Tomorrow, I would take my first steps towards feeling something, anything.
As I walked back towards the hidden entrance to the underground base, a cool breeze ruffled my hair. In the distance, I could hear the faint cry of a Hoothoot, welcoming the night. The city was alive with the sounds of people and Pokémon, a symphony of life that I had always observed but never truly been a part of.
For the first time, I allowed myself to hope. Hope that this decision, this drastic change, would awaken something within me. Hope that in the depths of Team Rocket's criminal underworld, I might finally find what I had been missing all along.