Chapter 20: Lonely
Hell.
A place full of contradictions.
People should expect demons rampaging, raping each other and be obsessed with endless fights.
Heat. Floors consisting of magma and fire brimming in the air and sky. That, along with the devil personified, should be what Izaya was facing at the moment.
But somehow that description didn't fit the bill at all.
Sitting cross legged in front of him the demon called Shizuo seemed to exert more patience than average humans. Guilt too, and that was for no reason.
He had just saved Izaya's life by feeding him his own blood. Despite that obvious positive end of action he seemed remorseful over the gushes of pain and nausea now haunting Izaya.
It was charming in its own way. Just as the lantern-like creatures nesting on the ground like they were planning to stay the night with them.
Considering Shizuo's relaxed attitude and bare recognition of said creatures Izaya guessed they were negligible when it came to danger.
"... so what are you going to do now?" Shizuo asked after a while of Izaya not speaking.
The demon didn't know Izaya, but apparently even he had recognized that him staying silent didn't mean a good thing.
As beautiful as their surroundings were, they were spinning madly and looking to the sky or closing his eyes didn't help chase away the sensation.
"I told you I'm searching for someone. That goal hasn't changed," Izaya pressed forth between tight lips and Shizuo frowned.
"And how do you plan to do that? Wander through the demon realm alone?"
A suicidal suggestion. But at the end of the day, did Izaya have a choice?
Not many other options came to mind, especially not now when his head was searing with a groundbreaking headache and so he agreed.
"If necessary."
Shizuo frowned. "You are crazy."
"Beyond salvation, yes~" Izaya sang in a smooth voice, but his face scrunched up only a second later.
His announcement didn't exactly wipe Shizuo's annoyance off his face and instead only enforced a sigh.
It was stupid for a human to wander hell alone.
Simple creatures could easily end Izaya at any given moment. If not the landscape itself. Izaya had no idea what to look out for nor how to defend himself and yet-
Looking at the human sitting in front of him Shizuo couldn't help but feel an odd sensation of respect.
He didn't really know why Izaya was so desperate, but this person he was looking for seemed to be hella important.
His announcement of walking alone had not been a joke.
He had guts.
More motivation and action than most demons down here.
Looking at his face the new wave of pain seemed to have passed as Izaya's body released some of its tension.
"...what will you do once you find that person?"
A tired glance was cast towards the demon and Izaya shrugged.
"Leave this world I guess. And return to mine."
"Can you travel through universes?"
"Who knows?"
Doubtful hesitation marked Shizuo's expression as he evaluated what this human was telling him. Universes. Thousands of years. This man was throwing around words with more might than a human should carry.
"Why do I feel like half of what you are telling me is some sort of insult?" Shizuo questioned and Izaya snorted.
"I didn't expect you to get even half."
And he was witty too.
Amused at what had probably been another insult, Shizuo couldn't quite hide a smile as he hummed.
"Do I need to remind you of my strength?" he asked, and lifted his palm. Pulsating lines of red decorated his horns as well as the patterns on his skin, by tensing his muscles he knew he could force them to glow which should provide a fairly dangerous view.
But Izaya?
He didn't seem impressed at all.
"Go ahead, I'm sure there are more critters hiding around here, no?" he merely shrugged and pointed into the direction they came from.
Right.
Relaxing again, Shizuo shook his head in quick negation.
"No, no. That's exactly why you should head back. To your world. Or at least the human realm."
As if having stepped right into a trap, Izaya's expression suddenly showed that of a winning grin.
"So let me repeat, you want me to head back on my own?"
Yes.
That was the first thought coming to Shizuo's mind.
Or no?
There had to be a hook considering Izaya was smiling like that and with a short nod of his head pointing into the direction of the dead creature Shizuo realized the conflict in his words.
"... you sly little bastard," Shizuo groaned and Izaya laughed.
"I mean I can if you want me to, no issue at all."
As if.
Izaya was a human.
Izaya was weak.
The second he turned around to go back he would have to traverse the same distance they had come from. A distance infested with dozens of critters of the likes Shizuo had killed so far.
Going back on his own was no option and Izaya was very well aware of that.
Really, Shizuo shouldn't give a damn about what happened to this human, and yet for some reason he found himself caring more than he wanted to.
A deep sigh left his lips, accompanied by a frown as he gave the answer Izaya had probably been waiting for.
"Alright. I will take you to Crysteria. But after that you need to leave with that friend of yours," Shizuo announced begrudgingly and Izaya faked a surprised smile.
"You will?"
Sneaky little shit, as if that hadn't been his goal all along.
"One rule," Shizuo announced curtly, "You stay with me. Wander off and I don't give a shit what kills you."
A sly grin decorated Izaya's expression and Shizuo already knew he was so going to regret agreeing to this.
"I think I can do that."
A shadow, larger than the top of the mountain, suddenly covered the two of them whole as the sun disappeared behind the steep ledge of the mountain.
Colors of orange, red and purple spread from the edges of the snow covered tip and cast a picture similar to that of northern lights.
It was a mesmerizing sight, really, much more captivating than Izaya would have thought hell to he like. But he couldn't really enjoy the display to its fullest as another wave of nausea and pain crashed into him.
He felt like a nutshell, drifting amidst a vast and dark sea. Occasional
waves flipped his shell and drowned his breath without warning.
It felt as though his veins were on fire, transporting livid flames coursing through his body.
Shizuo hadn't known this human for long, but even he had learned that him staying this awfully quiet was not a good sign.
"... is it that bad?" he asked with the slightest hint of worry lingering in his voice.
It wasn't exactly assuring to have a demon worry over his condition. It caused Izaya to wonder whether people had died under the same conditions.
"I have had better days," he added with tight lips and tried to concentrate on the sky above.
All colors had been inverted from the second Izaya arrived in hell.
What else had been wrongly depicted without him knowing?
"Say, can I ask you something?" Izaya sighed after most of his tensing pain passed.
"Not sure if I know the answer," Shizuo admitted and Izaya duly noted that he didn't exactly end up with an all knowing guide.
"My appearance," he started slowly, "When I regained consciousness in this life I was inhabiting the body of a noble called Raphael. Looked like him too. From the top of his head to the tip of his toes." A slight snicker left Izaya's lips at the childlike pun he included at the end, but he was aware Shizuo would not recognize it.
"Past tense?" the demon questioned and Izaya nodded.
"As soon as I arrived in hell that changed. I got my old body back. The one I had when I was still Orihara Izaya," he faded out, not quite sure whether what he was saying was even making sense to the demon.
But apparently it did.
Because he nodded.
"That's because hell only shows the truth."
Izaya had heard the demon say a lot of things that made sense, but this answer didn't quite bring as much enlightenment as he thought it would.
"What?"
Realizing his lack of understanding, Shizuo touched his chin as he tried to think of another way to phrase it.
"The truth. Your soul as it is in its purest form. The critters you saw? Greedy ones. Prideful ones. Subjects that never cared for anyone but themselves. That shows in their expression. Most demons live true to their desires. Lust, craving, anger- there is no filter withholding any of that."
Truth, huh?
If anything Izaya expected hell to be filled with lies. Sweet traps and vicious malice.
Truth was something he would have expected last, but thinking about Shizuo's words it kinda made sense.
Demons acted like animals. They had no concept of morals apparently.
Judging from how Shizuo talked easily about killing millions of humans and only feeling guilty after catching the disease he called a heart, Izaya started to slowly understand a demon's mind.
Especially this one's and his lips curled into a smile.
"So you can't be that much of a bad guy."
Shizuo had certainly expected a lot of conclusions. Acceptance maybe and appreciation for the explanation.
A compliment had not been among them.
Stifling a laugh he pointed at his own head. "You did see my horns right?" Black, thick and curved the bloody patterns of red pulsing along appeared anything but inviting.
But no shred of fear was found in Izaya's expression as he merely shrugged.
"Haven't seen anything looking more human than you so far." Shaking his head, Shizuo decided to let the topic be.
"Alright, I will take the roses." Unlocking his legs Shizuo pushed himself off the ground. The creatures circling both of them seemed anything but pleased by the action and quickly startled into quick escape.
It was sad for the lack of light as the sun's rays descended beyond the mountain.
Gazing at the bundle of lights flying away, Izaya tried to align Shizuo's explanation with his experience.
"... so basically you are saying my body from my past life was my true form?"
Shizuo nodded.
"At least it's the best idea I can come up with."
A hint of doubt lingered in Izaya's mind. "It sounds plausible. Somewhat," he started, "Except that I have not been your goody two shoes type of character."
Because no matter how he looked at it, his life had been filled with lies. He didn't remember their contents or the people he used them for, but he remembered his creativity.
He remembered the urge to be remembered no matter the reason.
His desire to stir trouble. The thrill of attention once he succeeded.
It was a devious joke of fate that it was exactly those desired interactions that were wiped from his memory.
"It's not actions that count but their intentions and what you thought and felt while executing them. Killing someone might be a bad thing, but if you feel honest remorse it's not as bad." Shizuo suddenly said, misinterpreting Izaya's sudden silence as remorse.
"No, I made people suffer a lot… I think," Izaya sighed and Shizuo raised a brow.
"You think?"
Right.
Izaya had told Shizuo about being from another world entirely. Told him about its structure, his name, but not what he was missing.
"I don't remember anything," he sighed and Shizuo blinked in obvious confusion. "Don't get me wrong, I remember the vast majority of my life. My school, my job, things I enjoyed and things I hated, but all the people-" Izaya faded out. Voicing this dilemma out aloud seemed fairly bitter even to himself. "It's like every person I met was wiped from my memory."
It was harsh.
A reality he had tried to ignore for the longest time.
But now after admitting it the void in his chest only seemed to grow.
As if a part of him were missing.
And Shizuo noticed.
This human. Right now he seemed so awfully lonely.
As much as Shizuo.
It was a strikingly similar emotion.
"Sounds painful." Shizuo whispered and somehow Izaya found himself lost for a moment.
Because it was. In a gruesome way.
So downright accurate.
Looking up Izaya wasn't sure what kind of expression he was supposed to expect as he met Shizuo's gaze.
He saw nothing but pure honesty and exceeding empathy.
And somehow Izaya realized Shizuo knew what he was talking about. Better than Izaya.
Walking alone for a millenia. It has left some scars on the demon. Wounds that even high speed regeneration couldn't fix.
And despite all that a faint shimmer of hope seemed to glimmer in Shizuo's eyes as he smiled.
"... I'm sure you will be able to go back," he tried, and Izaya couldn't help but smile. "Are you trying to cheer me up?"
"Maybe?" Shizuo shrugged, but his intention was clear as daylight.
What a gentle specimen of a demon.
Wild and hella strong but soft at his core.
Shaking his head softly, Izaya tried to get rid of the weird sadness brought up in both of them as he nodded towards the mountain they had been heading towards.
"How long will it take us to reach it?"
Shizuo's head turned and he followed Izaya's line of sight. Tilting his head back and forth the demon seemed to contemplate on his answer before giving it.
"Depends, a few days maybe, or weeks."
Confusion efficiently tore Izaya's away from his empty void. It was funny, but now that he had spoken of his dilemma out aloud he felt as though the weight on his chest had lifted slightly.
"What's with that fucked up timeframe?" he asked and pushed himself carefully off the ground.
The dizziness and nausea had stopped for a moment, the same went for the surging pain in his veins and he took a cautious step towards the demon.
"Ah right, you wouldn't know," Shizuo pointed towards their destination. "This guy is moving."
to be continued~