Our Plan Fails Fantastically

"Mom?!"

The grey-eyed goddess stared down at all three of us, her face an impassive mask of unadulterated disappointment. Arms crossed, she shook her head. "I wish I could say that I'm surprised, but you're not nearly as clever as you think you are."

"But… how did you—?"

"I'm the goddess of wisdom! Did you honestly think you could outwit me?!"

"But that doesn't—"

"From the time you woke up, you did everything you could to keep me at arm's length and stay out of my investigation. Rightfully so, given what you experienced. Now, out of nowhere, you provide me with a lead? Regardless of how pathetic of an attempt the false lead was, it was obvious you were up to something the moment you said you had information that could help me."

For once, Annabeth was at a loss of words. She motioned as if she had more to say, but chose to withhold her comment. Her golden skin took on an alabaster hue.

"Now," Athena said, "I ask again. Why would you try to mislead me?"

"Um," Piper started. "Well, you see—"

"Not you, daughter of Aphrodite! I bear you no ill will, but I would not trust the words of the one who charmed a mechanical beast and Gaia herself."

Piper blanched, her mouth open in mid-sentence.

Athena's cold, calculating eyes fell on me. "You. You have neither the foresight to plan an excuse nor the charisma to try and deceive me. What are you doing here?" With every word, she pressed her face closer to mine, until the bridge of her offset helmet pressed into my brow.

I forced a dry swallow. "Uhhh…"

"Oh, for the love of— Okay, fine!" Annabeth interjected. "If you want to know what we're doing here, just follow us!"

Athena snapped her attention towards her. "And why should—"

"We're going to see Hestia!" Annabeth pressed. "We know something that will help. But because we don't want to cause a rift, we're taking this information to the one person who won't benefit from another war!"

Her shoulders raised and fell with every heavy breath she took. The storm clouds in her eyes darkened, once more making me thankful that we were on the same side.

Athena recoiled. "You think I would—"

"Yes! You would! Look at what you've done already!"

"Annabeth!" Piper interrupted. "Seriously, now is not the time for this."

The wood in Athena's spear groaned under the stress of her tightening grip. "What I've done, I did for you."

"And we sincerely appreciate that, Lady Athena," Piper said, her voice laced with charmspeak. "Truly, we do. But you know that knowledge can be dangerous and powerful. What we know definitely qualifies. That's why we're going to see Hestia, so she can help everyone keep calm once everyone knows."

A grimace pulled at her lips. "I thought I told you—"

"I swear on the river Styx that, if you accompany us to see Hestia, you will learn what we know about the recent events on the island." Annabeth held a challenging glare towards her mother. Thunder rippled across the sky, sealing her oath, and Athena's lips.

Quite literally backed into a corner, Athena relented some stiffness to her posture and nodded.

"Very well. Lead the way."

I let out a sigh of relief.

One potential disaster avoided. Only about a handful more to go.

Annabeth nodded in return, and resumed our journey to Hestia's temple.

Honestly, I didn't know what to expect. A part of me thought she would have a log cabin as a temple, or a simple suburban townhome. After all, with a goddess as modest as Hestia, it would be difficult to imagine something very flashy.

So, given my boneheaded intelligence, I asked the one person who would know the best.

"She was actually rather difficult," Annabeth said. "For the longest time, she refused to even let me consider designing her temple. Not until the rest were completed. But once I started making progress, she relented."

"Sounds about right," I said. "But what did you make for her? An oversized log cabin?"

She snorted. "That would've been a sight to see, but no. I designed her temple borrowing elements of ancient prostyle temples and traditional oikos layouts. Mix that with the Doric style of colonnades, and her temple fits a simple, homey, and respectable status."

I blinked, not understanding a single word she just said. "I guess I'll just have to wait and see."

She smirked. "It was easily the smallest temple I designed, so it was done in like two days. Honestly, I wanted to do more for her, but she made it very clear that she was happy with what she had."

Piper decided to pop in between us with her arms slung over both of our shoulders. "So, she's like a super modest housewife? No desire for more?"

Annabeth laughed. "Housewife? I don't think so. She's a virgin goddess. Way back in the day, Poseidon and Apollo tried taking her as their wife. That almost caused a very bloody feud to break out. So, to prevent disaster, Hestia chose to never marry. Like half of the gods want her as their wife or as their sexual partner, but she's never given into her baser desires so that she can maintain the peace within her family."

Piper's eyes widened. "Wait, so she's avoided sex just because her family is insane?!"

"We are not insane!" Athena spat. "We feud like any other family!"

Except, when other families fight, they don't normally destroy entire cities in the process…

"Right," Piper blanched. "So… Because they aren't the most harmonious?"

Athena rolled her eyes and pressed ahead, leaving us a few steps behind.

"Basically, yes," Annabeth said.

"Wow. Imagine all that pressure, all that responsibility, and she can't even go home to release her frustrations."

Annabeth rubbed the back of her neck. "I'm sure she's found ways to take care of herself. She just doesn't have sex. Nothing against rubbing one out occasionally."

"She better! Having to deal with a bunch of gods that want to kill each other all the time… I'd probably be spending every minute to myself with my hands in my pants just to maintain my sanity!" She smirked at me. "I'm sure you wouldn't mind seeing that. Especially with all of the visits you've been getting. She's been all aged up, from what Zoë told me. Is she pretty?"

My face heated up by about ten degrees. "I don't want to think about that! She's a virgin goddess!"

She shrugged. "Just offering potential options."

"I already have too many options!"

"So if she were to show up to your bedroom in the middle of the night, completely naked, hot and bothered, with that fiery red aura around her…"

I suddenly found it very difficult to breathe. "If I could turn down your mother seducing me, I think I can handle a virgin goddess."

She pondered that for a few seconds. "Fair point, but I guess we'll have to wait and see what the future holds."

"And on the lovely note of virgin goddesses," Annabeth interjected, "we're here."

True to her word, Hestia's temple was simple, homey, and respectable. Certainly not the level of extravagance expected from someone like Apollo or Hera, but if anything, that only improved the appeal.

"So," Piper said, "this is probably the worst time to ask this, but do we even know if she's here?"

"She's always here," Athena said. "A part of her being is always tending the hearth. And, if she somehow wasn't, she is perhaps the easiest goddess to get the attention of."

"Unlike a certain mother," Annabeth muttered, loud enough for only Piper and I to hear.

With Athena apparently now heading our expedition, the four of us entered the temple. To absolutely no one's surprise, Hestia was sitting in the middle of what I would guess to be the main hall. Poker in hand, she tended a vibrantly glowing fire, her warm eyes glowing with mirth as we approached.

"If you wanted to see me so badly, you could have just sent a prayer."

"If it were just you," I said, "we would have." I let out a sigh. "However, we also need to see Apollo."

Both goddesses frowned, as if they heard me wrong.

"What for?" Athena said. "What does he have to do with this? Was he the one…?"

"No. We need him for insurance. He's the god of truth, after all. We need you to realize that what we're about to tell you is the truth."

As Athena's frown deepened, Hestia replaced hers with a small smile. "I'll see what I can do. Just give me a moment. In the meantime, would you like something to eat?"

Given how recently we ate, we politely declined. With a nod, Hestia vanished in a column of flame. For the next few minutes, we sat in awkward silence around the hearth. Athena stood a distance away, observing us, an accusatory glint shining in her eyes.

"Why you?" she finally said.

"Huh?" I replied intelligently, lifting my head.

"Over the millennia, several heroes have accomplished phenomenal deeds. Many of your own exploits are copies of theirs. So why give you a harem, and not them?"

My shoulders slumped. "Unfortunately, I do know the answer to that. Just found out two nights ago. That's part of what we're going to tell you. But first, we need Hestia and Apollo here."

She grumbled. "Truly you can—"

A column of flame interrupted her, and out from it stepped Hestia. She had a stiff posture, flexing her hands as if she were kneading the air in slow motion. Her eyes and lips were tightly sealed.

"I truly wish I could unsee that."

Before any of us could ask what she was talking about, a golden flash of light gave way to Apollo, decked out in a speedo and a wet tank top. A red hand print swelled on his cheek. Despite that, he was grinning like a madman.

"Hey, come on! You got a good look at it. Tell me that this isn't the tightest ass you've ever seen..."

Only then did he realize we were there.

"Oh… Uh, what's up guys? Was just at this crazy yacht party with Dionysus. You ever heard of butt chu—"

"Please! Enough!" Hestia said, shivering. "If they didn't need you here, I would cast you into the throne room with the ashes of your manhood dangling in a jar around your neck. I'll have to double my therapy sessions for a decade just to get that sight out of my head."

He cracked a grin. "Is that really what you want though?"

She flashed away from him and appeared behind me, clenching the shawl around her head. "Please, just… say what you need to say."

I mentally shivered, doing everything I could to stop the image of what Apollo was doing from my mind.

"So… Apollo… as the god of truth, you can verify whether or not I lie at any time, right?"

"Yep. So, whatcha need? We spilling some dirty secrets? Ooh, I love getting dirt on people!"

"Something like that. Okay, so this all started shortly after the harem was created…"

I told them everything: my night with Annabeth, the events in the dungeon, my conversation with Aphrodite, the revelation of Phorcys, the prophecy. Anything that could help.

When I finished, the hearth had taken on a deeper crimson hue, and had doubled in height. Athena's hand was shaking so badly that her spear seemed to be tapping morse code on the floor. Even Apollo turned down his golden aura, a mask of shock on his face.

"Is… is this true, Apollo?" Hestia asked with a tinge of desperation.

"I don't want to say it is," he said sullenly, "but I have to."

"I… I lost my daughter… because of this?" Athena mumbled, her voice dangerously soft.

"Athena," Hestia said. "Do not act on what you feel right now. You know it would destroy us all."

"Don't act?! Our children have been turned into whores because Aphrodite wants more control!"

"As if she was the first to try something like this. Did you not try to overthrow Zeus in the past?" Hestia quirked her brow with a smirk.

Athena's blushed golden. "That was… that was—"

"Different? Yes, it was. Aphrodite's method has much more tact, if quite a bit more hedonism."

Athena growled. "This is pointless! I will deal with this myself!"

"Do you think that to be wise, Athena?"

The goddess of wisdom, who had moved to leave, stopped.

"Think for a moment. If you confront Aphrodite as you are now, you would undoubtedly lose yourself to rage. In doing so, you would play right into her hands. Think about it. Ares, Hephaestus, Apollo, Hermes, Hera… What you do next could divide Olympus and plunge us into another war. We need to be smart about this."

For once, Athena seemed to be at a loss for words.

"What's your plan then?" she huffed. "Let them go?"

"No. We speak with them, but let me do the talking. Apollo!"

The sun god in question had been too distracted trying to schmooze up to Piper. Otherwise, he would have realized he was just pointed out as Athena's rival. Once Hestia got his attention, he turned around and stood up straight, a second handprint mirroring the first.

"Go to Delphi. We need to learn what is going on with the spirit of your oracle."

"On it! So… about that party—"

"Off with you!"

He flashed away in a shower of golden light. Hestia pinched the bridge of her nose and shivered.

"I'm never going to get that out of my head now."

I decided not to comment.

"So," Piper said, rubbing her shoulder raw, as if Apollo's touch would forever taint her, "what's the plan?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Hestia said, putting on a gentle smile. "Now we gather all of Olympus to hold a trial."

The second we entered the throne room, we knew something was wrong. Despite us keeping everything quiet so far, the last two goddesses we wanted to see just so happened to be there.

Hera lounged on her throne, cheek resting on her palm, one leg crossed over the other. Despite her relaxed posture, her otherwise beautiful face looked heavy with weariness and frustration.

Aphrodite had her back turned to us. Given her short cut chiton, we were all treated to a show of her long legs and supple thighs. When she tilted her head back, she flashed me a playful smile and winked.

"Well, isn't this a lovely surprise!" Aphrodite said, her voice bubbling with enthusiasm. "Care to join us?"

Athena strode forward and frowned. "Only if the rest of the council is joining as well."

"Ooh." Aphrodite licked her lips and batted her long lashes. "I didn't think you would be into that kind of thing."

Athena's frown deepened.

"We're summoning an emergency council meeting," Hestia said, assuming her place by the hearth. "There's a matter that must be addressed."

Aphrodite gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. "This wouldn't happen to be about our little chat two nights ago, right Percy?"

I averted my gaze in an effort to stave off her charms. The last thing I wanted to think about was her naked forms while she tried to seduce me. Not that they weren't appealing...most of them at least.

"You've gone too far, Aphrodite!" Athena spat. "Reducing all of our greatest heroes, your own children even, to whores for a stupid scheme!"

Her heartbroken mask fell away, revealing an expression of mild disappointment. "To be fair, it wasn't a stupid scheme. And it would have worked if only someone understood the concept of patience."

Hera slammed her fist down on the arm of her throne. "My patience wore thin millennia ago! Now, after pulling together bloodthirsty rivals and managing to unify them into a single alliance against the greatest threat we've known, I am the one on the receiving end of every backhanded curse sent out by every demigod sired in the past two decades!"

"Enough, Hera," Hestia reprimanded. "Your anger has stemmed from much more than that, and I am sympathetic for you. But it does not justify anything you've done in response."

Hera further reclined into her throne once more and pressed her fingers to her temple, massaging the frustration from her skull.

"I fail to see how Hera's lack of patience caused your plan to fail anyways," Athena said, crossing her arms. "Your plan was flimsy at best. Using our children as a means to help you gain power is already risky. But your plan relied on them sleeping together to perhaps one day wear him down. Can you not see the flaws in that?"

"Speaking of which," Aphrodite said, ignoring the question, "Piper, dear, how are your legs holding up? Percy really did a number on you."

Piper, who along with the rest of us remained silent, hid behind Annabeth. "I'm… fine."

"Are you sure? I know you've been having talks with—"

"Enough!" Athena interrupted. "Answer the damned question."

"Hmph, well I never!" She crossed her arms. "If you must know, my plan was originally much smaller in scale. Then who would happen to find out about it but the wife of the man I'm trying to overrule."

The rest of us frowned. "What about Phorcys?"

"Also Hera's doing."

"Way to throw me under the chariot! I thought we were supposed to be on the same side!"

"We were, right up until you decided to overplay your hand and tear apart the trust of one of the greatest power couples in recent history in the span of a single night."

Silence.

Annabeth turned away, shifting from Piper's protector to the protected. Athena stiffened, her eyes burrowing into the two opposing goddesses. Hestia, sighing with grief, pressed a hand over her chest.

As for myself, I strode forward a few steps more than I should have had the courage for. Riptide was in my hand before I even realized it. The world around me turned red as my sights locked in on the queen of the gods.

"Be at ease Perseus." The gentle hand of Hestia rested on my shoulder. Despite her comforting presence slowing me to a halt, the flames in her eyes appeared ready to stream out and attack. "We are with you. You need only say the word, and we will show them the error of their ways."

Athena grinned behind her. "So we're finally going to do something about this." She cracked her neck and leveled her spear. "Took long enough."

"No," Hestia said, her tone heavy with finality. "You know we can't. We will do this the right way. We summon the council."

"Good luck with that," Hera grumbled, slouched in her throne. "Zeus is off on another of his conquests. Some actress I think. Or a nun. They all look the same when they're on their hands and knees."

"Oh," I said. "Well… we don't need him here—"

"That's where you're wrong," Hera spat. "Should the council make a decision in his absence, we would all face his wrath. If you're going to sentence us, you'll have to wait until he's done. Ares learned the hard way what happens if you interrupt him."

Hestia took a step forward. "Sentence you? You aren't even going to try to fight back?"

Hera sighed and slumped to the side, her cheek resting on her palm. Aphrodite strode to her throne and let her head fall.

"What's the point?" Hera said. "You know what you need to know. You have our confessions. Of course, if someone hadn't gone ratting us out…"

Aphrodite shrugged. "Maybe I misjudged the situation."

"I digress. The point is, we know when we're beaten. Unlike certain deities who will continue fighting until their deaths."

I stepped forward, only to have Hestia reach out and pull me back. "What about Phorcys then? Will you have him here as well?"

Both goddesses laughed, Hera in mocking, Aphrodite with an air of sympathy.

"I'm afraid you'll have to speak with your father about him. After I delivered his little youth potions, he vanished. I haven't been able to find him, and it took weeks to get him to agree to a meeting. Of course, when Hera is the one reaching out… things become difficult."

Hera huffed. "This is getting nowhere. If you want to put us on trial, come back in a few hours. Maybe Zeus will be a bit more lenient once his loins are emptied."

On that pleasant note, she vanished in a flash of vibrant purple, leaving an essence of lilies lingering behind.

Aphrodite sighed. "Well that was lovely." She glanced at me with a sad smile. "Maybe one day, Percy. Political power or not, I still want you to make me forget my name."

Like Hera, she flashed away, leaving her signature rose perfume scent behind.

When we were alone, Hestia let out a soft breath before sulking towards the hearth. She slumped down and picked up a poker from the flames, which had muted in color and size. The others joined her around the subdued fire.

"Well that didn't go according to plan," Piper said. "What do we do now?"

"What can we do?" Annabeth said. "Without the council to do anything, we're stuck."

Athena smirked. "You worry yourself for nothing. A couple hours is all you need to wait for. Perhaps you can use this time to get a hold of your father. I imagine he would be quite interested in knowing there's a black market for slaves right under his nose."

"That's true. But what then? That shouldn't take too long. Do we just wait around here until Zeus is finished getting his rocks off?"

"No," Hestia said. "Go ahead and return to your home. Rest for a little while. There's no telling how long he will take." She stared into the flames. "Poor Hera. If only she'd listened."

I decided not to pry, and turned to Annabeth and Piper. Both gave me a nod.

"Okay then. What time should we be back by?"

"I'll fetch you when the time is right," Hestia said. "It doesn't matter how long we have to wait, this is getting resolved."

Annabeth slipped her hand in mine and squeezed it comfortingly, a brave smile on her face. Piper glanced at our hands and offered me a sly smirk before turning away and heading for the door.

"We'll see you soon then," I said to the goddesses. "And… I know I probably don't say this enough, but thank you. Thank you for all of your help."

Hestia smiled. "I beg to differ, Percy. I think I should be thanking you. You've helped me feel useful to demigods for the first time in centuries."

Athena crossed her arms and said nothing, but offered a begrudging nod in return.

With that, Annabeth and I followed Piper out of the throne room to begin our return trek home.

"So… I hate to be the one who says this," Piper shouted from her pegasus, "but what was the point of me going? I didn't exactly do much of anything."

"We didn't think it would go that smoothly," Annabeth replied from behind me. "In fact, it shouldn't have. They should have tried resisting at least a little bit more."

"Maybe what Hera said was true. They don't really have a chance. Especially after Aphrodite came out and told me everything."

"Hmm. Well, they obviously weren't a harmonious duo. Maybe Aphrodite's trying to sabotage this for her own gain?"

"Possibly. If anyone knows how to turn something like this around in her favor, it's my mom. Could also be a last ditch effort to save face. Maybe she's hoping for a lesser sentence?"

"Lesser sentence?!" Annabeth snorted. "She's the goddess of love! The most she'll get is a slap on the wrist! Think about it, when she was caught fucking Ares, the most that happened to her was a bit of public humiliation. What did she do? She ran off to one of her temples and spent the next several weeks being pampered and bathed by her attendants."

"Dang," I said. "So… if that's the case, what use is anything that we're doing? The best we get out of this is that they leave us alone."

"Maybe," she said. "But if we get enough gods to side with us, maybe we could also choose the punishment. Obviously, they aren't going to cast them into Tartarus for this, but we may still have some pull with us."

"Hmm. I'll definitely have to think on it. The best kind of punishment would keep them away, but… I'll think about it. If you guys have any ideas, go ahead."

You could always send them to the glue factory, Blackjack said.

"I don't think that's the kind of punishment we're looking for." I patted his flank. "Thanks for trying though." I glanced over to Piper. "What about you? You know your mom best. Any ideas?"

But she wasn't paying any attention to me. Her gaze was locked to the front of her.

"Um, Percy?"

Annabeth pointed over my shoulder to our front.

I followed her finger and realized what the situation was.

Galínios floated before us, a single island surrounded by a beautifully blue lake that spanned in all directions. At one end of the island sat our luxurious mansion, whose extremely modern design made it stand out against the lush forests and sandy beaches.

There was just one problem.

It was burning.