This Is War

by Chase'sGirl19

The third story of Already Home This is the aftermath of Severus' betrayal, where he must now live with the consequences of it, and making sure everything is going to plan or it would all be for nothing. Remus must keep himself afloat while handling a broken heart, and being there for Harry. Soon he may find more than that to deal with... And Harry, he must still carry on and fight

6. Drowning In An Endless Sea

Chapter Six - Drowning In An Endless Sea

A few days had passed since the night Tonks gave Remus her news, since then it has been the only thing on his mind. Camped out on the Dursleys' roof, he flipped through the last pages left to read of Rita Skeeter's book. Even the woman's ridiculous lies and rumors on Dumbledore could not completely distract Remus enough from Tonks and his possible werewolf child growing inside her. He'd been spending the nights reading the book, relying on the street lights and his enhanced werewolf vision to read in the dark. It was all trash. He barely believed any of what Skeeter had written, yet Remus wondered if Dumbledore had ever shared his past with anyone, perhaps Severus or Minerva? Remus had been shocked to read the history of the headmaster's family and secret friendship with a young Grindelwald, even if he had to tread carefully about it, carefully picking out what was fact and what was only speculation and gossip from Skeeter. Had Severus known any of this about the headmaster? They had been so close before everything that happened. There was so much Remus realized he never knew about the headmaster himself, and he never really asked Dumbledore…

Maybe I should have, Remus realized, feeling guilty for never taking that time to do so when Dumbledore knew so much about Remus' family. It was too late now Remus thought with regret as he examined a picture of Dumbledore's family. His eyes on the young teenage version of the headmaster.

He closed the book, not wanting to waste anymore of his time reading this rubbish. He should've just left it in the Weasley's rubbish bin where it belonged. Remus stood up and stretched carefully and cautiously so he wouldn't accidentally fall off the roof. It had to be early morning by now. The night was dead quiet. Harry was sound asleep, his restless sounds and cries from his nightmares had gone quiet hours ago.

A baby! Remus said to himself with sarcasm as he sat back down. What perfect timing!

Remus felt bad for still feeling so negatively about it, especially when a part of him was excited by the thought of it arriving in about nine months. A child that was going to be a part of him, a part of Tonks. And if it had to be anyone that Remus would have to choose to have a child with, at least it was Tonks, someone he loved as a friend, someone he trusted completely to raise a child with. Because if not Tonks…it was supposed to be Severus… It had been Severus until it couldn't be anymore.

But look how being a father figure to Harry turned out… The nasty voice of Remus' conscience sneered at him, and it was right. Harry was in the thick of the war and stuck living with his abusers again, all because Remus could never have actual custody of him for being a werewolf. Great job protecting him! And now you have another child coming along the way! Remus internally spat at himself. How the bloody hell are you going to protect an infant when you can't even take care of a teenager!

Bringing a baby into this world was absolutely a very bad idea. He couldn't help feeling it, and he wondered for the millionth time since he'd learned of the news, what type of childhood his and Tonks' baby was going to have, a childhood in the thick of the war with a werewolf father who's meant to lead the most dangerous werewolf pack, would Greyback and Rowan try to go after it once they learned of the news? A new spark of fear now added to his mental list of them. Or would it be a childhood of peace, but filled with grief and loss and parents trying to heal from the trauma of war? Or would it live in the darkness of war if their side should lose?

Would this child ever know a world that isn't tainted by war?

That question broke something inside of Remus. He realized Harry never really grew up with that sort of peace. His childhood had been a war against his relatives for his own survival of living with them. His teenage years had been nothing but the rise of Voldemort. The life he should've had with Lily and James was destroyed by the first war. Harry never really knew peace until he was trusted into the care of Severus. Severus had given Harry peace, a place to call home and feel safe, but only to blindside Harry, only to rip it all away so cruelly. How dare Severus do that to their kid!

No, my kid now!

Severus lost all parental rights to Harry the moment he drew his wand on him.

The sky began to glow from the sun finally rising, but Remus didn't pay any attention to it, instead he worried his bottom lip as he continued to wonder how on earth he was going to tell Harry about him and Tonks having a baby together. It looked bad from Harry's point of view on this situation, Remus knew that and he wasn't going to ignore it. Putting himself in his cub's shoes, Remus would be pissed to learn what he had done with Tonks and the consequences of it, and so soon after they lost Severus too. It looked as if Remus had gone off and found himself another family while Harry had been stuck in Privet Drive all summer for Merlin's sake! And with that, Remus made a promise to himself, that no matter how Harry reacted to the news, he was going to try everything he possibly could to make sure Harry knew he was still Remus' cub, that he'll always be Remus' son no matter what. The two of them were still a family even with Tonks and a new baby now. Harry hasn't lost Remus yet, in fact, he never would. Remus had to make sure Harry understood that.

Remus stretched out the tensed muscles in his shoulders again, realizing the bit of pain his lower lip was suddenly under, gingerly feeling the damage with his newly healed fingers. His nails were now as good as new again, as if the damage from the full-moon had never happened thanks to the Murtlap Essence he used to soak his hands in. Suddenly Remus was insulted with a memory of Severus reaching over, placing soft gentle fingers on his lower lip, stopping Remus from biting them when too overcome with his thoughts or anxiety. Remus stubbornly chased the memory away. Those dark eyes constantly swimming on the forefront of his mind, they lingered, no matter how much Remus wanted every trace of Severus in him gone.

He remembered the jealousy Severus had over Remus and Tonks for being close friends. If Severus should find out about the baby, Remus wondered what he might think of the news, how he might react, if he would even care. Had that jealousy even been real? Did Severus' reaction to this even matter anymore? Because Remus was tired of trying to figure out the answers himself until his anxiety over it tore him apart, tired of all the sleepless nights, tired of contemplating for hours on this roof of who the hell that person really was. Remus was sick and tired of wondering if the Severus he had fallen in love with had ever been true. Remus was exhausted from it, wrecked from it, broken into a million little pieces to the point where he couldn't even find himself in the mess of it, and he found himself not even caring anymore, that realization coming to him in a gut-wrenching ache deep in his chest. He just couldn't care anymore, it hurt too much to care because the thought of that version of Severus, the one Remus loved so deeply, the thought of him never being real, the thought of it all just being a game to Severus that whole year… If Severus felt angry at the news of him and Tonks having a baby together, then so what. Severus lost the right to feel hurt over it. He was the one who lied to Remus and Harry. He was the one who betrayed them.

The sun had risen, causing Remus' eyes to squint from the light. Any moment now he knew he was going to be relieved from his post, and for the first time since June, Remus was ready to go back to the hotel to catch some much needed sleep.

Maybe it was because so far the summer had passed with hardly any physical altercation between Harry and Dursley. There had only been lectures and threats and long lists of chores, times where it sounded like Dursley stopped himself from threatening Harry with physical violence, but he'd managed to never lay a hand on Harry. It was a bit better than what Remus had been expecting, what Harry had been afraid of when he followed his aunt and uncle to their car in June. Everything especially had been quiet during the night, allowing Remus to finally consider letting his guard down. Aside from scaring Harry into a panic attack that one night, Dursley had not once gone to Harry's room to beat him in the middle of the night like he used to when Harry was small, sleeping under the stairs. That whole thing gave Remus an ugly feeling in his stomach when he'd first heard it from Severus. It was the reason besides Harry's self-harm for why Remus had been so stubborn about keeping watch every entire night. But thankfully none of that happened. Each morning the sun rose with everyone in their respective beds.

Petunia had been as civilized as she could be, never calling her nephew a freak unlike her husband, only referring to him as Boy or Potter. Surprisingly to Remus, Petunia always made sure that Harry ate a bit of something each time they sat at their dining table, even though Remus disapproved of the way she went about it, hearing the cold disdain she had for Harry in her voice and making him sit at the table well into the night before she was satisfied he ate enough. It was like she was torn between hating and caring for her nephew. An internal battle inside of her that Remus would never understand, and he was sure Harry might feel the same in that department. He was sure Petunia's nice cop, bad cop act was giving Harry whiplash and paired with Harry's likely expectation of still getting struck by his uncle, knowing that was possibly causing Harry to be on high-alert twenty-four seven waiting for it. Remus knew how exhausting that could be, remembering how he had spent each passing second expecting Greyback to just come into the cellar and kill him last summer.

Remus sighed out in frustration from his thoughts, he just wanted Harry out of Privet Drive and away from the Dursleys for good.

"Remus?" A voice suddenly broke him out of his worrying thoughts.

"Where are you, love?" It was Hestia Jones, ready to relieve Remus of his post.

"I'm here," Remus whispered back, only loud enough for her to hear him.

"Ah, you're not as far from me as I expected."

Remus could hear the approaching sound of her footsteps and the swishing of her robes.

"All was well tonight, I hope?"

"As it has been for the past month and a half," Remus answered.

"Good, good, well it won't be long until the muggles and Potter start to wake." That was her que for Remus to go.

"I'll be back at the usual time," he said, standing up.

"Of course."

With that said, Remus started to walk towards the edge of the roof where he usually levitated himself down to the ground, but was stopped.

"Oh, Remus, before you go!" Jones called him back.

Remus halted in his tracks, looking back over his shoulder, even though Jones couldn't see him and he couldn't see her.

"There's a meeting at the Burrow. I know you must be exhausted from staying up all night long but I think you should head over there, see what it's about. Minerva promised to update me later. It has something to do with Mundungus I've heard… There'll be breakfast at least, courtesy of Molly of course."

Breakfast at the Burrow did sound amazing just now, and Remus realized he would do just about anything for a good cup of tea before the day grew too hot for it.

"I'll head there right away, thank you," Remus said before departing.

The Burrow was filled with Order members when Remus arrived. The long kitchen table was already filled with the younger Weasleys: Fred, George, Ron, and Bill, along with Hermione and Fleur. Minerva was sitting down between Poppy and Flitwick, Sprout was with them as well. Mundungus Fletcher was sitting at the head of the table, looking as if he was being held hostage by Kingsley and Moody who were standing behind him on each side. Hagrid was standing by the back door, kneeling over a bit and in conversation with Ron and Hermione. Everyone else had found some standing room around the table. Arthur and Molly were by the counter, making sure everyone was comfortable with refreshments. Remus realized Vector wasn't around, wondering if he was running late as he walked in from the living room, immediately finding Tonks standing by the doorway of the kitchen.

"Remus!" she smiled brightly.

Remus smiled at her in return, giving her a quick hug. "Hey, how are you doing?"

Tonks winked at him. "Everything is fine of course, why would it not be?"

Remus shrugged with an easy smile. "Where's Vector?"

"He was sent on a mission to recruit the vampires a while ago."

"Oh, why was I not told this?"

"We invited you to go out with us, he wanted to tell you…"

"Oh, fuck, I'm sorry…"

"Save it for Vector, Remus," Tonks frowned at his guilt. "Don't beat yourself over it, he knows you're going through shit."

"What about Charlie, is he still…?" Remus asked, noting his absence among the Weasleys as well.

"Still keeping an eye on your stalkers? Yes, he is."

Remus rolled his eyes with exasperated amusement at what Tonks called Greyback and Rowan. "Do you know what this meeting is about?"

"We're finally getting Harry out of Privet Drive!" Tonks said with a mixture of relief and excitement.

Thoroughly surprised to hear that, Remus sputtered out, "I thought the date was to be the night of July 30th!"

"I know, but apparently Mundungus has a plan. He wants to move the date up!"

Taken aback by that, Remus raised an eyebrow at her. "Mundungus has a plan? Mundungus?" he said with so much disbelief, it caused Tonks to laugh.

Remus glanced around the room once more. Now he could see the sudden excitement going on inside the small kitchen of the Burrow. He hadn't realized that everyone had been as worried as he had been over having Harry being stuck at Privet Drive.

"Ron and Hermione are allowed to be here?" he asked with surprise.

"They want to help," Tonks answered him. "Once they heard about this meeting going on, it took them a lot of convincing to allow Molly to let them sit in. I don't blame them, they are both seventeen and Harry is their best friend."

"And Ginny?" Remus asked, looking around for the youngest Weasley, and who also happened to be Harry's girlfriend or was, Remus wasn't even sure if they were still together. And that made him miss Harry even more than usual, missing the days when he knew everything that was going on with his cub.

"Molly put her foot down on Ginny joining…"

"Remus!" Molly interrupted their conversation. "I'm so glad you're here! You just came from Privet Drive, haven't you?"

Remus nodded to that. "It's nice to see you and Arthur as well."

"Oh, you must be exhausted, dear. Would you like anything to eat? Tea? Coffee?"

"Just tea would be great," Remus said.

Molly poured then handed him a mug of steaming tea. She watched him load it up with cream and sugar before taking his first cautious sip. Remus closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of it. It was heavenly and he felt some of the tension leave his shoulders.

"Alright, dear?" Molly asked him with concern.

"Yes, this is amazing, Molly, thank you," Remus said over the sudden rising crescendo of voices as the last few Order members arrived.

"Why, thank you, Remus, would you like anything else? I've got eggs, sausage and toast. Minerva brought shortbread biscuits."

Remus smiled at her kindness and feeling excited at finally getting Harry back, he found himself saying, "Just save me a plate with everything. I'll eat when the meeting is over."

"Alright, dearie."

She then went off to talk to a few others and scold the twins over something, then went back to Remus, refilling his tea for him without asking if he wanted more. Remus only smiled and thanked her, knowing that her way of coping through these meetings was making sure that everyone was well taken care of with food and refreshments, so he indulged Molly by not refusing.

"How is Harry doing?" Molly asked as Remus took a small sip of his tea after thanking her. "The last time Arthur and I stood watch, we couldn't hear a thing going on in that house. Most of the Order don't know… When they stand watch they are looking for outside danger, but I know you are looking out for the danger inside that house, Arthur and I as well, or we try, but I know you can, Remus, you can hear them, can't you? That is why you are so determined to keep watch for half the day and all night?" Molly said to him in a much more serious tone than the one she used earlier when greeting him and offering him breakfast and tea.

Remus could only nod his confirmation of what she was asking him, feeling himself flush from a bit of embarrassment as him being a werewolf was brought to attention. He could feel Tonks' eyes on him, she had only listened quietly to Molly without saying a word, a mug of tea in her hands and a napkin filled with biscuits.

"Do you know if Harry has been eating?" Molly continued. "If the muggles have been decent to him? I've been sending him care packages just in case they weren't feeding him."

Remus frowned at her concern. "He has, I've heard him, but it's not enough. Sometimes I even hear his aunt coaxing him, getting frustrated at his refusal, but all she does is make him stop eating altogether. You know how Harry is…sometimes he chooses not to eat when he's filled with so much stress and anxiety."

"Yes, that's why I'm absolutely worried about Harry. Remember how he was during Christmas when he was worried over Severus' absence?"

"Of course I remember, Molly, how could I forget that? I'm always going to be grateful for you that day, getting him to eat. My regret is that Severus…" Remus' heart skipped at saying his name, but he continued on without a beat. "…and I never got the chance to talk to Harry about it… We were, you know? We were planning on addressing his eating disorder during the summer, we just wanted him to get his cutting under control first, but then everything happened… Now I'm worried he's starving himself. You do have a right to be concerned."

Molly's demeanor softened, the sadness and regret of them losing Severus on their side shone in her brown eyes. "You and Severus were doing a really great job together with Harry, you know that, don't you? What happened, don't blame yourself for that. You didn't know, Remus…"

Remus could only nod as he looked away, feeling her words pull at his heartstrings. Molly's words were too close to the whirlwind of guilt going on inside of him. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder, causing him to look at Molly again.

"When Harry gets here we can both talk to him about it. You are not alone in raising him, even if he's turning seventeen now and may feel like he doesn't need us, he's still a child." Molly's eyes then flicked over to Ron, Hermione, Fred and George, then back to Remus. "They all are… All too young to be fighting in this war."

Her eyes began to grow a bit teary, but before Remus could say something in return to comfort her, Kingsley announced that the meeting was going to start.

"How about we continue this conversation once the meeting is over?" Molly said in a hurried tone, wiping her eyes and inwardly composing herself.

"Yes, of course," Remus agreed.

"Alright, quiet you lot!" Moody barked out, effectively quieting everyone down. And once he had everyone's attention, he cleared his throat and began, "Now, you all know that Potter is to be moved on the 30th of July, the night before he turns seventeen. That is the latest we can move him before the wards fall. I have no concerns over having to move him earlier than that, but Mundungus here…" He placed a knobbly and scarred hand on the known thief, who flinched under Moody's attention. "Has a suggestion on moving Potter earlier… Go on!" He nudged Mundungus into the spotlight.

Remus was reminded how very few people knew of the abuse that Harry had suffered under the hands of his relatives, explaining why Moody had no urgency in getting him out of Privet Drive as soon as possible. The Auror had been more concerned about taking advantage of the protection of the wards, explaining why Harry had to be there until the very last night of him being sixteen. Personally, Remus didn't give a damn about the wards anymore. He wanted his cub out of that house. He wanted to see him again, to talk to him. He missed his kid.

All eyes were still on Mundungus, who gulped before speaking. His Adam's Apple bobbing up and down. "Them Death Eaters are expecting us to move Potter on the night before his birthday, we can change the date to throw them off. It would be unexpected, it may even prevent an ambush from happening."

"What if that somehow leaks? What if an ambush still happens? All it would do would leave Potter vulnerable during his last days before coming of age, and it would just throw him into unnecessary danger. We can't rule out that possibility. If we go with your plan, we must be prepared for that," Minerva's wise voice rang out from among the Hogwarts professors.

"And be prepared we will!" Mundungus proudly announced. "I have a plan of course, just in case!"

Moody and Kingsley, along with every single person in that kitchen, could only look at Mundungus with shock.

"Not only did you think of changing the date to throw them off, but you also came up with a plan just in case they still ambush us? On your own?" Tonks finally said, breaking the stunned silence. "Are we speaking to the Mundungus Fletcher we all know?"

Remus saw Tonks and Moody exchange a look. A look that meant they were sharing the same suspicion, a suspicion that Mundungus might've been confunded. Someone gave him this plan. The thief was a coward and a liar and untrustworthy, someone who had only joined the Order because Dumbledore had once saved his life, and now with him gone, nothing was really holding the thief here. Why would he waste his precious time coming up with this sort of plan? He never before showed any interest in Harry's wellbeing.

Mundungus shrugged under Tonks' praise. "I was only watching the telly in the muggle pub, got the whole idea from there…"

"Did you really? Fascinating! And did it have those… What do you call them? The bits and bobs that change the moving portraits?" Arthur asked excitedly, going off topic, causing the twins to snicker from where they sat at the table.

"Oh, now is not the time for that, Arthur!" Molly scolded her husband.

"And what is this idea?" Moody interrupted, his good eye narrowing at Mundungus while his mechanical eye swiveled around. "I'm starting to think you were confunded! I swear if we follow through with this and we get ambushed because of you…!" Moody's magical eye stayed on Tonks.

Remus saw Moody frown for a moment before turning his full attention back to Mundungus. He nervously wondered if Moody could see that Tonks was pregnant with that magical eye of his. And if he could, Remus really hoped Moody would keep it to himself. They weren't ready to announce their news to the Order or to anyone yet. Remus wanted the Order to focus on getting Harry out of Privet Drive.

"No, honestly I did! I'm sure I wasn't confunded!" Mundungus protested under Moody's stare.

"Have some faith in old Dungus to think of something good for once, Mad-Eye," George spoke up.

"Yeah, tell us your plan, Dung!" Fred agreed.

Mundungus grinned with a renewed confidence. "It's simple," he said. "We create a diversion within a diversion."

"A diversion within a diversion," George echoed with a mischievous grin.

"It makes no sense! Brilliant!" Fred praised.

Moody only rolled his eyes with an annoyed huff. Kingsley watched the whole exchange with a mixture of impatience and amusement.

"Go on," Kingsley said, his voice low and calm to Mundungus. "Tell us your plan."

Mundungus nodded with a renewed determination, "Okay, we can't use Apparition, the floo network or registered portkeys cus of the Ministry and the underage tracker Potter has on still, right? Well then, we can use flight. The one transportation they can't track us with."

"And what if Alastor is right?" Tonks said to everyone in the room. "What if we're ambushed despite the changed date? What if they are waiting up in the sky above the wards? What if they follow us back to the Burrow?"

Mundungus had an answer ready.

Remus had to admit that it was strange seeing the thief being this vocal and confident as he spoke of his plan, strange that he suddenly had the capability of coming up with something like this. Mundungus wasn't exactly known to show this kind of intelligence. He only showed his usefulness by bringing them information of Death Eater activity he would catch on the streets, usually by others who were involved in suspicious illegal activities.

Remus agreed that Moody had a right to be suspicious. This was certainly out of Mundungus' character. But now that left him with another question, a more important one. Who confunded this plan into the thief? Why not just tell the Order about it directly if it was just a solid plan to get Harry out? Why hide their identity?

"Seven Harry Potters, the Death Eaters won't know what hit them if they are waiting up there for us. When they see seven, they won't know who the real Potter is. We all fly off to different locations to confuse them if they follow or attack us while the real Potter comes here to the Burrow. If we do that they won't know which safe house the real Potter is in."

This confirmed Remus' theory all the more. It was brilliant, it may even work. Mundungus did not come up with this on his own that was for sure. Who would confund this plan into him? That was surely the question that was nagging him. Remus decided to have a word with Moody and Kingsley at the end of the meeting. He suddenly found himself toying with the idea of it possibly being Severus, but then why would he betray them, then help them? Suddenly he felt his chest feeling heavy and tight as if there were a sudden weight on him. Severus was the only one that Remus knew who was capable and smart enough to think of something like this, to pull this off successfully, who had a history with the people on this side of the war. He couldn't think of anyone else, any other Death Eater who may fit that criteria other than Draco Malfoy, but Remus feared Draco was too young, too fearful and not powerful enough. It just didn't make sense, and the weight in his chest became heavier that Remus couldn't deal with it, couldn't bear to ponder on it, it hurt too much and so he shook the idea away. Refusing to think any deeper on it possibly being Severus.

"And if they attack?" Molly asked with worry, bringing Remus out of his spiraling thoughts. "If they find out who the real Harry is?"

"Then we fight like hell to get him past your wards," Tonks said, sounding determined, sounding as if she was already liking that idea and was imagining it playing out in her head.

Remus shot her a worried glance, wondering if she were thinking of still joining the rescue team.

"Confunded or not, Mundungus, I like your plan. The only thing that matters is that by the end of the mission Harry makes it safely here and with the Death Eaters not knowing where he's at," Tonks finished.

She was right, Remus silently thought. Mundungus being confunded or not, the plan was still brilliant. It still left Harry's location a mystery to their enemy if it all went smoothly. They just had to make sure it did.

"They still might know where he is, even if we manage to get Harry here safely," Molly said, her voice quivering. "Severus…he knows about the Burrow. How much it means to Harry. He knows too much about him…about us, the Order…"

"Don't worry, Molly, we had our wards redone as soon as we found out he was a traitor. He won't be able to find the Burrow. Harry will still be safe here," Arthur consoled his wife. "Especially with Order members always in and out, and Remus will be here more now for Harry…"

"Dung," Fred said, directing everyone's attention to him and away from his parents. "I'm starting to think Tonks is right, are you sure you weren't confunded?"

"Yeah, it's the most brilliant plan. I think Harry might have a chance of getting out of Privet Drive in one piece. It's almost as good as a Weasley prank, isn't that right, Fred?" George said to his twin.

"Absolutely right," Fred grinned at Mundungus.

Bill leaned over and clapped Mundungus on the back of his shoulder, causing the thief's face to turn into an ugly shade of maroon for being unused to such praise and attention.

"How did you come up with this plan again?" Moody growled out with stubborn suspicion, which Remus was glad of.

"I told you! On the telly in the muggle pub!" Mundungus said with a mixture of offense and confidence now that it looked like he had Tonks, Fred, George and Bill on his side. Maybe even Arthur and Molly as well.

"Hmm…suspicious or not, Alastor, I too think it's a solid plan," Kingsley said. "What do you think, Remus?" His dark eyes found Remus besides Tonks and Molly near the doorframe of the kitchen. "You've been quiet over there with Tonks. I thought you of all people would be the most vocal at this meeting."

Everyone turned to Remus, he could feel his cheeks warming up. He hated that he was suddenly put under the spotlight, but Kingsley was right, he hadn't said a word throughout the entire meeting, even when he was expected to. Everyone knew how close he and Harry were, and saw how stubborn Remus was to keep watch at Privet Drive every single night. Moody's magical eye landed back on Tonks, a frown heavy and deep appeared on his scarred face.

"I agree with Tonks," Remus said, forcing away the shyness he felt himself freezing under. "If this gets Harry out of Privet Drive and away from his relatives sooner, then I'm all for this. It does sound like a solid plan, even if Mundungus was confunded or not. But that doesn't matter. We still have to expect an ambush no matter what we choose to do, at least with this we can get him out sooner and it leaves us with the upperhand. Whoever confunded this plan into Mundungus, if it was a Death Eater, they still won't know who the real Harry is. I think Mundungus' diversion within a diversion may just work."

Tonks reached out and squeezed his hand in silent support. Still inwardly shaking from the sudden attention of the room, Remus took a deep breath and squeezed her hand back.

"Okay, if Remus agrees, then I'm all for it in giving this a shot. Raise your hand if you agree with this plan," Kingsley addressed the room.

Mostly everyone raised their hand, aside from Moody who grunted out with annoyance when he realized he was outnumbered. He fixed Mundungus with a fiery glare and snapped, "Fine, we'll do it your way then, but I still don't trust how you came up with this! Constant Vigilance, Mundungus!" he suddenly shouted, causing the thief to jump in his seat. "That means we're both joining the rescue team and you're sticking by me the whole entire time where I can keep an eye on you!"

Mundungus' ugly maroon flush turned into an ashen gray at Moody's orders, his feeble protests becoming lost under the Order's murmuring voices and Kingsley calling out for their attention once more.

"We need six people to be Potters and seven to be an escort…" Kingsley announced. "Raise your hand if you want to volunteer as a Potter."

There was a lot of discussion and arguing after that, especially from Molly over Ron and Hermione raising their hands. They were both newly seventeen and still in school. They had watched the entire meeting in wide-eyed silence. And in the end, they had succeeded in being chosen as Potters after Remus vouched for them. He didn't even feel bad at Molly's disagreement with him for vouching, they were Harry's best friends. He knew they would give it their all during the mission to help Harry. He would've done the same for Sirius, James and Lily, even Pettigrew before he'd learned of his betrayal, when he was their age. Remus had no fear of them being easily hurt. He knew they could handle it, he taught them defense. They were capable and had been in several situations with Harry already. Remus had said all this to Molly, who eventually relented her argument against him, yet the worry and fear she expressed to them was still there. It didn't help that Fred and George volunteered right after that, not helping in making their mother feel any better about the whole situation.

Once that was done, it was then decided… Hermione, Ron, Fred, George, Fleur and Mundungus, who protested against it but couldn't change Moody's stubborn mind, were all to be the six Harry Potters.

Hagrid then requested to be one of the escorts, the one to take Harry to the Burrow. Remus found himself wanting to immediately argue against him for that position, but then quickly realized it would be too obvious if it was him who escorted Harry himself. Remus would be a solid target for sure if they were to get ambushed. If Severus were there, or if he told the Death Eaters how close Harry and Remus were, there was a very high chance of them immediately going after him and the Harry he was paired with. So Remus only nodded, agreeing to let Hagrid be Harry's escort. He trusted no other person to do a better job than Hagrid.

Moody of course was paired with Mundungus. Hagrid was with Harry. Bill and Fleur were together to nobody's surprise. Kingsley was with Hernione at Molly's request, trusting their leader to keep her safe. Arthur and Fred were paired together. Remus was with George. Molly wanted Remus to have Ron, but after expressing his concerns about being a main target, Molly changed her mind, leaving George excitedly volunteering to be with him instead, leaving one more escort to be with Ron.

"I'll do it," Tonks volunteered over the voices.

Remus whipped his gaze to Tonks, who was staring around the room with determination. "Tonks, no…" he began to protest.

"You can't, you're pregnant," Moody suddenly stated, both of his eyes were focused on his apprentice. It wasn't a question that he asked, and the room was shocked into silence.

Remus felt himself blush from head to toe. This was definitely not how they wanted everyone to find out.

He looked over at Tonks, only to find her staring at her mentor like a deer caught in the headlights of a muggle car. He reached out for her hand again, intertwining his fingers into hers, showing Tonks that he was there and that she wasn't alone.

"Tonks…" Remus muttered, but she was silent.

He looked up to see everyone staring at them, their eyes on their conjoined hands. "That's right," Remus announced. "Tonks is pregnant, and the baby is mine."

"Oh!" Molly was the one that broke the shocked silence.

It was as if the Order members weren't sure if this was a cause to celebrate or not. Remus didn't blame them, he had the same reaction when he found out himself. It was mad to have a child during this time in the middle of such a dangerous war. Plus, he was a werewolf, no matter how much it seemed like they've all accepted him as a part of them, as fully human, Remus still felt the weight of him being different from them. Still felt the unspoken hippogriff in the room. And right now, it was the heavy silence of wondering if the baby was going to be born a werewolf that was showing on their faces and in their eyes.

"Oh, Tonks! Remus! Congratulations! We didn't even know you two were even dating! When is the wedding?" Molly said all of this with pure happiness and excitement, loosening the tension in the room, however she brought it back to Remus who had stiffened at the word wedding.

Tonks grip on his hand tightened.

Right… Remus thought with uncertainty.

Molly, like everyone else here not including Tonks and Poppy, who was staring at Remus with a questioning look, never knew that Remus and Severus were the ones that were dating. That it was Severus who was the one who had stolen Remus' heart and then crushed it with his lies and betrayal. They had all just thought that Severus and Remus had been brought together through their shared connection with Harry. The Order had just thought of them as co-parents, nothing more but a close friend who ended up betraying Remus, and that Tonks had always been Remus' love interest all along. Maybe it was better to just let them continue believing that, it was really none of their business anyway. It was easier to just let it happen that way. But it all still left an ugly feeling in Remus' stomach, left an acidic taste in his mouth of the thought of having to pretend, to be living such a lie.

"Wedding?" Tonks laughed nervously, finally breaking out of the statue-like state she had been in. She then grew serious when she realized Molly was looking at her with genuine happiness and curiosity. "Um, it's already happened…" she muttered. "We're married already."

Remus could only look at her with surprise. He tried to catch her gaze but she wouldn't look at him in return, only giving his hand an apologetic squeeze that caused him to let go with annoyance and disgust. He was fine with everyone thinking they were dating, but married? And judging by Molly's and everyone's reaction to that sort of news, there was no way Tonks could take those words back.

"But pregnant or not, married or not, I'm still dedicated to my job as an Auror," Tonks said directly to Moody, her eyes suddenly flashing a bright-pink and fixating on her mentor. "Almost every Auror I know has a spouse and kids, and just because I'm young and a woman doesn't make it any different. I can still do my job. I'm joining the rescue team, I'm still continuing to train under you, because I'm being trained by the very best and I'm not ready to let that go just yet. That would be very stupid of me, and I'm not stupid. You've told me so many times, Alastor, and as my mentor, don't you trust me that I can take care of myself as well as my child?"

Remembering the few times Tonks had mentioned to Remus about being bullied in the Auror department for being a young woman, a klutz and related to the Blacks, his anger towards her lying about them being married softened at her speech. Seeing her stick up for herself, Remus had to stop himself from clapping out his pride for her.

Tonks and Moody stared at each other for a tense moment of silence, then the corner of Moody's lips quivered into a very rare smile, earning a sigh of relief from Tonks.

"Spoken like a true Auror," was all Moody said.

"Okay, so then it's decided that Tonks will be paired with Ron," Kingsley said with amusement in his voice and satisfaction that this part of planning for the mission was finally completed.

"I trust no one else to watch out for my Ronald," Molly said with happiness as she hugged Tonks, earning a groan of embarrassment from her youngest son.

The rest of the meeting went on smoothly after that, discussing the trivial things of the mission. Like how they would secure the Polyjuice Potion now that they didn't have Severus to rely on for potions anymore. Minerva, Flitwick and Sprout volunteered into either talking Slughorn into giving them some or breaking into Severus' private stores at Hogwarts to see if he had some that were ready to use. They talked about the clothes the Potters would wear and the ways of transportation they would use, the safehouses, and unregistered portkeys that were going to be established at each safehouse that would get them to the Burrow.

It was early afternoon once all that was figured out and mostly everyone was assigned a task, the meeting was finally called to an end.

"Lupin!" Through the departing Order members, Moody called Remus to him.

At first he hesitated, wondering if the old Auror was going to curse him for getting Tonks pregnant and apparently marrying her. Then he caught Moody's eye who jutted his chin to him with impatience, signaling Remus to hurry up. Kingsley's eyes were on Remus as well, and it was the assurance of the Order's new leader that made Remus decide to go over to them.

"Molly," Remus turned quickly towards her, who was speaking to Tonks with an air of excitement about their news. They both paused in their conversation as Remus continued speaking, "I still want to finish our conversation about Harry, just excuse me for a few moments." He nodded his head over towards Moody and Kingsley, silently letting Molly know that he was being summoned by them.

"Oh, of course, take all the time you need," Molly said.

Once Remus approached him, Moody was still fixating him with a stern look. Remus couldn't blame Moody if he did decide to curse Remus right there and then, after all, he did get Tonks knocked up. The old Auror must be annoyed that all the work he put into training his apprentice would go to waste during the months she could no longer be in the field anymore.

"Look, Moody, the whole thing with Tonks, it wasn't intentional… It was…" Remus began to stutter out his explanation.

"An accident, as most of those situations are… You two are grown adults, it's not my business what Tonks does during her off-hours," Moody interrupted. "I know my apprentice, she would want to stay out in the field until I force her on desk duty. I'm not worried about that. She could use that time of rest to study for her exams and touch up on protocols…"

"And that's not why we called you over," Kingsley added. "Congratulations by the way."

"Thank you," Remus nodded to him.

Moody thumped Mundungus' shoulder hard, who flinched again from the Auror's touch, protesting that the meeting was over and that he had serious business to attend to.

Moody ignored Mundungus and said, "This idiot here has been confunded. I don't believe he got that plan from a muggle telly, not one bit!"

"What Alastor is trying to say," Kingsley said. "Remus, we want you to investigate who it was. We either have an ally on their side or we have a spy on ours, and I fear we won't be able to tell until the mission is completed. We don't want to wait that long to find out."

Remus nodded to that, agreeing with Kingsley. This was exactly what he wanted to speak to them about earlier himself. The whole thing sounded suspicious, but what was strange about it was why give them a solid plan to get Harry out of Privet Drive? Why not confund Mundungus into giving them a plan that could go wrong and leave Harry vulnerable?

He fixed his attention on Mundungus, drawing his wand out. "Sorry, Dung, but I must try and see if you were confunded."

Mundungus huffed out an annoyed sigh and closed his eyes as Remus touched his temple with the point of his wand.

"This may be just a bit uncomfortable," Remus said before whispering the spell to reveal any answers, and sure enough, to the surprise of no one, Mundungus had been confunded. Unfortunately, Remus couldn't tell who it was that did it.

"What pub did you wake up at?" Remus asked him.

Mundungus had broken out in a sweat from Remus' spell, sputtering out the name.

Remus thanked the thief after that, then promised Moody and Kingsley that he would update them as soon as he found anything out before they left the Burrow.

Remus then realized the kitchen had emptied during his conversation with Moody and Kingsley, leaving only the Weasleys, Tonks, Fleur and Hermione. Ginny had now joined them, trying to press her brothers for information.

He caught Tonks' eye, then he nodded his head to her, indicating that he wanted to speak to her out on the back porch.

As Remus stepped out, he couldn't help but remember the last time he stood out here. It was Christmas night, he was sitting on the stoop lost in his worry and fear over Severus' absence, over his worry for Harry when Tonks found him out here. It had seemed like their friendship was falling apart back then, when Remus learned of Tonks' feelings for him and he couldn't reciprocate them in return, but they had managed to repair it. Perhaps they could do it again…

The winter air that night had been cold, yet his hands had been kept warm by the gloves Severus had given Remus. Those were packed away in the cabin, Remus hadn't the heart to get rid of them, but he couldn't look at them either. Remus remembered how worried he was for Severus that Christmas night. Was it possible that Severus had been safe from harm's way that whole night? Only pretending the danger he was in, the horrors he went through during that meeting. Was it possible that he had sat at Voldemort's right hand side? Whispering all of their secrets to him, cruelly laughing at the thought of the Order being burned alive in the Burrow like it was some sort of sick entertainment. Was Severus' concern, his guilt, his fear that he had shown to Remus when he returned that night, had that been real? Or had that too all been just an act, a sick part to play in this war?

Remus suddenly felt nauseous, like he was about to be sick and he took deep slow breaths. Warm tears slowly trailing down his cheeks as he remembered those dark eyes, remembered how Severus hugged Remus that night, how he spoke to him, begging him to let him in, to allow him to dress the wound Rowan had left on Remus' neck, tried to break Remus out of his shocked silence, how Severus held him all night through his nightmares… The conversation they had just before dawn arrived, chasing away Remus' shadows… That night, had it all been real? It was real for Remus, but for Severus…was it all just part of his act?

Suddenly the door opened, and Remus' sudden anger towards Tonks chased it all away. He quickly wiped his face with the back of his hand before she faced him, he didn't want her to see him crying over Severus anymore.

"Why did you have to lie and tell everyone that we're married?" Remus asked with annoyance.

"I was hoping you wouldn't be too bothered by that," Tonks sighed.

"Dora," Remus said her first name with exasperation. "Of course I would be! It's not true, it's a lie that could get you killed! If word of us being married somehow reaches Greyback and Rowan, they can come after you, they can target you as their next victim to get to me."

"That can already happen once they find out I'm pregnant with your child!"

Remus huffed out with annoyance at her argument, knowing she was right.

"Look," Tonks continued, standing beside him. "I did it for two reasons. First reason was to of course get Moody off my back. I didn't want him to see me as a stupid kid who got herself knocked up, I just panicked under his reaction. I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to blurt that out. I figured if I say we were married, at least it'll seem like our baby was created out of love, out of something real."

"There was love,Tonks, just not in the way that would end in marriage…" Remus said. "Our child would be born out of friendship."

Tonks only frowned at that.

"And what's the second reason?" Remus asked.

"To show everyone that you're still on our side."

Blindsided, Remus could only ask, "What do you mean by that?"

"Some of the Order, the ones especially who knew that you were co-parenting Harry with Snape, and the professors, they remember how close you two seemed at Hogwarts, the whole thing with Rowan and Greyback doesn't help either… They're afraid that you're going to go traitor as well, either follow after Snape or just give in and take your place as leader to the pack… I figured by telling them we are married, well it might squash those suspicions down."

"Why the fuck do they think I'm going to betray them like he did?! Yes I was close with him, but that doesn't mean I'll follow in his footsteps!"

"Why isn't it obvious to you?" Tonks said. "Do I really have to tell you why?"

Remus shook his head with anger and annoyance, and this time it wasn't directed at Tonks but at the Order. "No, you don't have to. I know… It's me being a werewolf isn't it?"

Tonks nodded.

"I don't blame them! Really, I don't!" Remus continued. "A Death Eater and a werewolf, of course they would think that of me."

"There's some people considering putting in a bet on how long you last until you decide to go with them… The way you've been lately hasn't helped at all."

That made Remus angry enough to let out a small growl, feeling the wolf inside him internally growl along with him, not liking the spurts of anger.

"Of course I've been off lately! Traitor or not in their eyes, Severus had been my friend and he betrayed me! And Harry! Harry's been stuck in that house!"

During his outburst, Remus had climbed down the steps and was pacing the dusty pathway. "Who?" he spat. "Tell me who and I'll sort them out!"

Tonks had remained on the stoop, watching him. "No, I'm not telling you just to get you into trouble!"

Remus stopped in his tracks. He knew the wolf was showing in his eyes at the way Tonks had stiffened. He was used to people often reacting to him that way, but it hurt that Tonks was, she never did before. When did that change? It was that, that took away his anger.

"I know, Remus, I know why you're upset, I am too. It isn't fair to you especially when they don't fully know you like I do. Don't worry, you still have quite a few people on your side. Just ignore the idiots."

Remus climbed back up the stoop, his eye landing on her belly. She was still too early to start showing, but he still wondered at the tiny life that was growing inside.

The poor child was going to grow up having a werewolf for a father, a werewolf that everyone fears may turn traitor, a werewolf father who's the leader of the most cannibalistic pack of werewolves… Maybe it was better if the baby grew up not knowing him at all. Remus had nothing to offer them. Why was he and Tonks doing this? Playing house? He did it all with Severus and Harry and look how that turned out! Those last thoughts struck Remus. They have been in the back of his mind until now, suddenly they were louder. He pushed them away, guilt filling him up. He couldn't do that. He couldn't leave Tonks to raise their child alone. He banished those thoughts away again.

"Remus?" Tonks called to him. "You're far away." Her eyes were sky-blue, watching him with concern.

Remus sighed, keeping eye contact with her as he said, "You better take care of yourself on the mission. I mean it, Dora, it's not just you anymore. It's you and our baby."

Her eyes softened at that. "Of course, I'll be careful. I meant what I said to Alastor. I know what I'm doing, don't treat me differently now that I'm pregnant," Tonks finished her sentence with a wink, showing Remus that she was teasing him.

Remus smiled, playfully nudging her with his shoulder, "That's asking for a lot since you're still willing to fight in this war while being pregnant with my child."

"I still can't bloody believe it," Tonks said. "I never saw myself with kids."

"Me either, believe me, I thought Harry would be it… Merlin, how am I going to tell him?"

The playful teasing between them had faded away, replaced by their worry and sudden anxiety of not only having a baby in the middle of the war, but the very fact that they were having a baby where neither of them knew anything about babies.

"Oh, fuck we're really having a baby aren't we?" Tonks said, causing Remus to laugh, breaking their spell of sudden panic and realization. She then gave him a sympathetic look. "You'll figure out a way, Remus, you're still Harry's dad even with this new baby. Just make sure he understands that it doesn't change anything between you two."

Remus nodded.

"I have to get to work, I can't have Alastor thinking I'm slacking now."

"Just be careful, okay?" Remus said, giving her a quick hug.

Hugging him back, Tonks said sarcastically, "I'll try to remember that." She then kissed his cheek. "Try and get some sleep, okay?"

Then she was gone, Remus sat on the stoop. His eyes focused on the field that Greyback had hid in and watched them, the one person that could cause Remus to shiver with icy fear. That night the field had seemed dark and ominous, but now in the morning with the sun rising over the moorland, turning everything golden, bright and warm, it was hard to remember the fear, to remember those red eyes and sharp fangs glinting in the light of his wand…

"Ah, Remus, there you are," Molly suddenly said, opening and closing the back door then sitting beside him. "I was starting to fear that you have gone off."

"Sorry, I was out here talking to Tonks, then I just got lost in my thoughts."

"Ah, that happens even to the best of us," her eyes finding where Remus was focused on. "Arthur was right about the wards, they've been securely updated. There is no way Greyback could find you here."

"I know," Remus only said, tearing his eyes away. He looked at Molly, seeing the worry etched in the lines of her face for him, saw it clouded in her brown eyes.

"I was really surprised at the news of you not only having a baby but also married with Tonks. I admit, I once thought you two would make a fine couple, but then Tonks told me that you preferred men. Then for a moment there I thought that you and Severus might be…"

"I hope you're the only one who thought that…" Remus said with worry, thinking about the rumors Tonks told him that was going around in the Order.

"I don't think so. You two were only so close when you were at the Burrow with Harry, during Order meetings you did well in keeping your distance from each other. I'm not even sure if Arthur suspected anything…anyway, I guess it's all pointless now."

Remus tore his gaze away from her at that, not wanting her to see the pain he felt everytime he thought of Severus, everytime he was mentioned. He didn't even know what to say in return to that because she was right, it was all pointless now. Severus was a traitor, he killed Dumbledore. Everything between them, everything he had with Harry, with the people he was close to, it had all been a lie.

"I'm happy for you and Tonks, I really am, but I'm also really sad at what had been lost, what had driven you two together, and I worry for Harry constantly."

"I worry about Harry too," Remus admitted. "That's all I do. He's going to think I'm replacing him…" Remus paused, took a breath and then continued with sincerity in his voice, "replacing what I had with Severus once he finds out about me and Tonks."

"Remus…" Molly said, when she realized what he meant.

"Your suspicions were right. Severus and I were together."

Molly smiled at that, but it was a sad smile.

"And while Harry's been stuck at Privet Drive, I went and got Tonks pregnant just because I was missing Severus so much I couldn't fucking breathe, Molly! None of that was meant to happen between us, but it did, and now we are facing the consequences of it, and now Harry's going to think I've gone off and found a new family," Remus groaned. "This looks so bad on his side!"

"I'm sure that won't be the case once you talk to him, make him see that you're his father no matter what. Remus, you aren't alone in this, you know that, right? You've been so distant this summer, but now I know why, you've been suffering Severus' betrayal more deeply than us, suffering it alone… You and Harry have all of us. Did you see those people in that room, figuring out how to get Harry safely out of Privet Drive?"

Remus scoffed at that. "You mean the same people who think I'm going to go rogue like Severus just because I'm a werewolf?"

"That's only a small percent of the Order, the ones who don't know you. They don't matter, don't pay them any mind. It's the part of the Order that calls you their friend that matters."

Remus only nodded to her, his eyes on the field in front of them.

Molly frowned, placing a hand on his shoulder, causing Remus to look at her again.

"You do know that a good amount of us don't think that at all. I'm very sure that you loved Severus and had no idea of his true intentions. I saw the way you two were together even when you had to hide your relationship. He fooled you, Remus, he fooled Harry, he fooled all of us. You weren't the only ones who believed him, so don't feel responsible for that, let Severus answer to his own actions…"

Remus could only look at her, his throat choking up a bit, not trusting himself to speak without voicing out his pain, so all he did was continue looking at Molly and listen.

"...and you've not only been distant with everyone, you're always a million miles away, now I understand why. It hurts to know the pain you've been dealing with alone… I understand, Remus, but now we need you back, especially Harry. It's time to shove it aside and try to live again, and I know that sounds heartless but we are in dark times right now, we don't have that sort of luxury to take the time to heal."

"I understand what you're trying to tell me…" It was all Remus could choke out.

What she said, it brought out his heartache to the spotlight, big and heavy between them, but Molly was right. He'd been walking around like a zombie this whole summer, barely feeling anything but worry for Harry, the loss of Severus, his absence, learning to live without him, learning to live with the idea of Severus never being real in the first place, but now Remus' time for grieving was coming to an end. Time was up and it was time to push it all back and return back to the living, get his head back in the war. Set himself straight for Harry, especially now that there was going to be another kid, another future to fight for.

"Setting me straight, is that all you wanted to talk to me about, Molly?" Remus whispered, the heartache he'd been carrying, he'd been hiding, it spilled out, making his voice shake a bit.

Molly heard it, her eyes softened and she patted the back of his hand. "I know it's hard, I know he hurt you a great deal, Remus, and it hurts me to push you into having to get past it, but it has to be done, dear… Just for right now, until the war is over…"

"Thank you," Remus could only rasp out.

They hugged and Remus sank into it, not remembering the last time he'd been hugged by anyone else other than Tonks and Vector.

Once they pulled apart, Molly patted Remus' cheek with affection. "It's going to be okay, you'll see, you and Harry still have each other, not all is lost and don't worry about his reaction. He loves you, he'll always see you as his father, I'm quite sure of that. You just need to talk to him. Don't let this become a wedge between you, it's not what Severus would want."

Remus snorted with feigned amusement at the last bit. "You make it sound as if he died."

"Well, in a way, he did. Severus died at least to me. The Severus we knew, the one we saw and befriended. No matter how much all of that was all a lie, there had to be a bit of truth. No one could lie that well, there were never any signs, any red flags that any of us saw… It's how I've been coping with his betrayal."

That stuck in Remus. She was right. No one could lie that well, not even Severus.

"It is like he died…but he didn't… What he did was so much worse… He killed Dumbledore, he pointed his wand to Harry, and the things he said to him… I can't just pretend that didn't happen."

Severus pointed his wand to their kid! Remus couldn't let go of that.

"But even after all of that, I hate to admit that your way of seeing it, it is right…"

And the ugly thing that had been on his mind was out before Remus could stop it, and it hurt, it hurt to say it, to allow Molly to hear it…

"I too find myself wishing he died instead," Remus choked out, bowing his head with shame. It was such a terrible thought, but he was relieved that he wasn't the only one who's thought it. "I wish the Severus we had known had died instead of betrayed us like that, then it would have been easier to deal with all of this. At least then, I would know he really did love me and Harry, that he had been real, that he really considered you and Arthur friends, that he was true and not a lie…"

His vision suddenly began to swim with warm tears. This was the first time he was able to talk about what happened, what Severus' betrayal left him with… Remus couldn't open up to Tonks fully this way, he felt like he couldn't really talk to her as openly as he once had. But with Molly, maybe it was the motherly affection she was giving him that finally tore down the cold wall he had put up since June, since after the betrayal.

"Oh, Remus, let it all out now," Molly whispered, pulling him into another hug.

"I'm sorry," Remus finally found himself saying, pulling away from her.

"Don't apologize, dear."

It was then a comfortable silence settled between them, lost in their own thoughts until Molly broke it.

"What are your plans for Harry when he arrives here? Is he to stay with me and Arthur until he goes to Hogwarts or are you taking him to the cabin?"

Remus had given that a considerable amount of thought, "I think he needs to stay here among friends, if that's okay with you. I don't think he'll be ready to go to the cabin yet. I can give you money for food for Harry…"

"There's no need for that," Molly interrupted him. "We love having him here, Harry's family to us and so are you."

Touched, Remus could only thank her, feeling himself blush a bit from her generosity and affection towards him as well.

"I'm just really worried for Harry's health. I know he's not eating enough. When he comes here, we're going to have to work together on getting him back on a normal eating routine. And do you know the possibility of him planning something with Ron and Hermione? I tried getting the information out of them, but they wouldn't give in. I think they are planning on leaving for a mission Dumbledore left behind for Harry. I'm trying everything I can to prevent that, it's not safe, I want them to just focus on finishing school and staying safe, not focus on this war, they need to leave it to us, they are only children."

"I understand your fears, Molly, but you must remember they are all seventeen now, we can't exactly forbid them from doing what they want to do. I'll still try to talk to Harry about it of course, I already tried before the summer started but he was so tight-lipped about it. We are just going to both have to keep our eyes and ears open for any information once Harry's reunited with his friends."

.

.

Once his talk with Molly was over, Remus didn't go back to the hotel room to catch up with much needed sleep as promised to both Molly and Tonks. As much as he needed to sleep, he couldn't, even though he was starting to feel the signs of exhaustion creeping up on him. His eyes were feeling heavy, a small headache was forming, pulsating in his head, along with low energy. His body felt like it was tied to weights, but he couldn't go back to that room and just lay there, wide awake and wondering and wondering if he was right to suspect Severus being the one who confunded Mundungus. It just made sense that it could be him. Who else could be capable enough? Strong enough? Smart enough to pull that off? To think up a plan like that as if they knew how the Order of the Phoenix worked. There was no one else, that was what was convincing Remus that his suspicions may likely be true.

The pub Mundungus had named was in London, not far from the hidden entrance of Diagon Alley. Remus entered the small tavern, finding it unusually busy for the early afternoon. It was full of day drinkers. He found an empty stool at the bar, sitting down and immediately making eye contact with the bartender who smiled at Remus.

"You're a new face," the bartender commented as he came over, wiping a glass in his hands. Remus looked at him, he was undeniably pleasing on the eyes. Dark-skinned, brown eyes and an athletic figure.

"Do you usually get the same people here?" Remus asked, feeling a bit self-conscious on how he looked. Wearing dark-green muggle jeans and an old band tee, wondering if the silver in his golden hair was more noticeable under the lighting in the bar, if the bags under his eyes looked darker. The scars on his face more prominent than usual. He was sure he looked just as rough as the old alcoholic that was nursing a pint of beer not far from him at the bar.

"Mostly yes, but sometimes we'll get strangers every now and then, however, you're not very forgettable."

Remus blushed a bit at that, the corner of his lip moving upward into a shy smile. Remus knew flirting when he heard it, and meeting the bartender's gaze once more, he was sure that his instincts were right.

"Klaatu?" The bartender said, indicating Remus' shirt.

Remus smiled, "Yeah, have you heard of them? They were once thought to be the Beatles in disguise."

Amusement warmed the bartender's eyes. "Beatles fan now, are you?"

Remus made a show of looking around before leaning closer to him and whispered behind his hand, "Big one, but I'll like to keep that secret. Don't make fun of me, okay?"

The bartender leaned closer to Remus as well, playing along, whispering back, "You expect a lot from me, saying as we just met five seconds ago."

"You seem like the sort to be trusted."

The bartender snorted with amusement, "What can I get you?" he chuckled.

"Wine, you pick? Nothing red."

"Ahh classy too, a wine drinker at twelve in the afternoon…" the bartender laughed, pulling away from Remus to shuffle through the many bottles behind him.

"Hey, I said no making fun of me."

"I'm not, I'm just figuring you out. How do you take your tea or coffee? Sweet or black?"

"Sweet, never black… Why?"

"Just trying to decide if you would appreciate sweet or dry wine."

The bartender placed a glass in front of Remus, then poured white wine into it. "White Zinfandel, have you had this before? It's light, sweet, a bit higher in alcohol content. You'll get your money's worth for this one, but you shouldn't have to worry about it. First drink for a new customer is always on the house."

"You're making that up," Remus laughed, taking the glass and sipping it. "But you're right, it's what I was hoping for, thank you."

"So, you're going to tell me your name?"

That made Remus choke on his wine a bit. He put the glass down taking the offered napkins.

"What? You're gonna do all this flirting and not expect me to ask your name?"

"No, sorry, you're right, it's James." Remus had no idea why he lied or even why he chose James' name. Maybe it was because it was the one that was closest to being an ordinary muggle name.

"James, a Beatles and Klaatu fan, a white wine drinker, takes his coffee sweet… What brings you here?"

"Just fancied a drink at twelve in the afternoon. Do you work the same shift everyday? Maybe I'll come back for another glass tomorrow."

"Yes, sadly I've got bills that aren't going to pay themselves. I'm off at eight."

"Right before the fun happens?" Remus said, taking a sip of his wine, thoroughly enjoying the flavor of it. It was a refreshing difference after only sticking to red wine for so long.

"I like a quiet night," the bartender shrugged, it was his turn to be a bit bashful.

Remus took another sip of his wine, glancing around the bar. There were a few full booths, most of the customers sitting in them were eating along with drinking and conversing happily with each other. Remus and two other men were sitting at the bar. One was nursing his drink as he stared mindlessly at the telly. The other was staring into his half-empty pint of beer, his body in a slump and looking as if he hadn't had a proper meal or shower in quite some time.

"Speaking of quiet, is it always like this during the day?"

"Most of the time, on rare occasions we do get some drunks disturbing the peace before the evening shift starts. Not long ago in fact we had this strange little man in here." The bartender wrinkled his nose as if he could still smell the stench Mundungus usually had. "That man wreaked something awful, and his clothes were a bit funny. He sort of reminded me of a stray basset hound. Five-o'clock shadow, droopy red eyes, dark ginger hair. He drank for hours until he finally left."

"What was he doing?" Remus said, reaching out to take a few bar nuts. "These are safe to eat, right?" he asked, mindful of other people touching them after the possibility of not washing their hands.

"I just put them out right before you came in," the bartender laughed, and Remus realized that he liked it, realized how good-looking he was and the way his deep voice hummed to Remus, the way those eyes lit up everytime he smiled. Maybe in a different world, Remus might've asked him out, might've asked for his name and number instead of secretly fishing for information from him.

"And the bloke was acting like every other drunk bloke that comes in here. Drinking beer like water and shouting at the telly, seemed to think the football game I had on was something called Kwidditch? I don't know, but he wasn't the only strangest person there, there was another. He… I don't know he sort of just gave me the chills… There was something about him…"

Remus had been chuckling at how the bartender described Mundungus, recognizing the confirmation as he was in the right bar where Mundungus most likely got confunded. He had been picturing Mundungus drunkenly shouting about Quidditch when the next part of the Bartender's story stopped him. Remus quickly sipped his wine, only to hide any reaction from him that the bartender may question.

"What did that person look like?" Remus said, making sure he looked innocently curious and nothing more.

"He was wearing all black. Black jeans, black shirt and a buttoned-up vest. I remember that clearly because I was thinking he may have been a goth kid in high school. He certainly had the looks for it. Thin, long black hair tied back, pale skin, dark eyes."

"He does sound goth," Remus smirked. "I think much more like a vampire, did he order red wine?" he joked.

The bartender gave him a funny look. "Yes, in fact he did, and he babysat it too. He took it to his booth and just watched the basset hound looking bloke with a glare that could kill. Then once he was done with his drink, he just got up and left. He hardly spoke, only just to order…" The bartender paused, looking at the booth Severus must've occupied to watch Mundungus.

Remus followed his gaze, imagining Severus sitting there, watching, waiting, scheming. His heart began its familiar ache, and Remus was so annoyed by it, frustrated and tired of feeling it. He had a momentary wish of just yanking his heart right out, that way he could feel nothing.

"I just remember his eyes, like they were so dark, cold…" The bartender then shook his head and looked back at Remus who tore his gaze away from the booth as well.

"He sounds like a creep," Remus could only think to say. "Are you sure you didn't come across a vampire? Why was he watching the bloke? Do you know if he followed after him?"

"No, that's impossible, stuff like that only happens during the night shift. That's why I work during the day; like I've said, I enjoy a quiet night… The bloke left hours after that so I don't think he was followed and I haven't seen them since then. It's been a few days."

"Hmm…" Remus said, looking around at the walls and ceiling. "Does this place have cameras?"

"Of course there is. Why, you think he was one?"

"Maybe, do you mind if I can take a look?"

"Why, are you some sort of undercover cop?"

"Something like that."

"Too bad you're not in uniform," the bartender flirted.

Remus raised an eyebrow at such a bold remark from someone he'd just met. "Maybe I'll come again with it on."

The bartender laughed, "Is that a promise?"

Remus shrugged, finishing up his drink then placing it down on the counter. "Or maybe I just enjoy trying new wines and listening to bar stories by cute bartenders."

"Okay, mind you, I'm not so usually swayed, but I like you, James, come with me."

"You like me?" Remus smiled as he hopped off his stool and followed him to the tiny office behind the bar. He was relieved that his flirting work, that he didn't have to resort to using magic to get the information he wanted. The bartender was too nice for that, friendly and of course easy on the eyes, any man would be lucky to end up with him, and Remus couldn't help but feel a bit put down that it wouldn't be him, it couldn't ever be him.

They tried to view the videos for that specific day, but strangely enough they had been ruined. They looked at the videos of the days before and after, and they were perfect working videos, but the video for that specific day, it was as if something had malfunctioned.

The bartender muttered something about faulty wiring as he rewinded it through, seeing if it was the whole thing that was static.

But Remus knew what it was. It was more than just a coincidence. The very day that two magical people that were in the bar and the technology turned all wonky. It was enough to prove to Remus that it was Mundungus and by the bartender's description, Severus.

"Do you have cameras outside the bar as well?" Remus asked.

"Yes, good thinking, maybe those caught something."

But they were all static as well.

"Huh, that's very strange. It's just that day too," the bartender observed, clicking through the videos. All of them were clear and working except for that day, the cameras were all just static. "This is just making me think that vampires may be real after all."

Remus thanked the bartender for his help and the free wine, promising to stop by again one day for another drink and a chat, pushing away the guilt that it won't happen. He left the bar, only stopping for a quick look in the alley, just in case there was anything left behind from Severus and Mundungus, any more solid proof that it was Severus who confunded Mundungus. But there was nothing and the whole alley stank like piss, shit and vomit. Remus wrinkled his nose at the smell, glancing around one more time, until deciding this was all one big dead end and he'll just have to take the bartender's description of what he saw that day.

By the time Remus returned to the Burrow, he waited with Arthur for Moody and Kingsley to arrive. The kids could be seen through the kitchen window playing Quidditch in the orchard, seeing them made Remus miss Harry. He should be there with them, acting like a kid during his last few days of being sixteen.

It wasn't long until the Aurors finally came and along with Arthur, both listened to Remus attentively on the information he found out, also admitting his suspicions of Severus and how the bartender's description had fitted him down to a key. They then ordered Remus to go back to his hotel, to have a night off from watching Harry.

Remus argued against them and almost won, but then Molly came into the kitchen to get started on dinner. One look at Remus and she put her foot down, scolding him that he needed to start taking care of himself. She wasn't as gentle about it this time as she was that morning. Remus found that he couldn't argue against her, especially when she sat Remus down with a plate of food, not allowing him to leave until he finished it off, much to the amusement of Moody, Kingsley and Arthur.

As Remus ate, they discussed Severus' possible intentions on confunding Mundungus, why he did it and what it might mean. Moody's words rang in Remus' head: Constant Vigilance! They were still following through with the plan, they still had the upper hand of it, the element of surprise. The Death Eaters still won't know who the real Harry was. They just had to be extra careful and keep their eyes open.

.

.

Now Remus was back at the hotel, laying in his bed with the last hours of the day and a long night of nothing to do but sleep stretching ahead of him. Early in the day, when the sun was just rising, he had felt like for a moment he would be able to sleep, felt like he wanted to sleep. He had been exhausted, but now after that mission, after what he learned, it was all gone. Remus couldn't sleep, he didn't feel tired anymore.

Sleep! Remus thought with annoyance as he tossed and turned, who needed sleep when there was proof that Severus may not be the traitor they all thought he was. He saw the confusion and shock in both Kingsley and Moody after he'd told them his suspicions and the story he learned from the bartender. Severus was the one who confunded Mundungus into giving them the plan, there was no other explanation, nothing telling them they could be wrong. No one but Severus could fit the bartender's description. No one else was that powerful to pull off such a strong spell into someone, let alone a complicated, well-thought out plan. No one else knew the perfect person in the Order who would be easy to confound, who could make it seem like Mundungus just passed out drunk with the said plan in his head. No one else who would think to interfere with the muggle cameras to hide themselves from being seen, knowing the Order would question Mundungus and investigate. Remus saw the way the Aurors had lit up to the news, the flicker of faint hope, but they both didn't voice what all of this could mean, and Remus knew why. It was too early to even consider that thought, especially when that was the only proof they had.

It was a small flame of hope, a small flame that Remus was willing to protect and hold until there was more to feed it.

Remus closed his eyes with a huff of annoyance at these thoughts running rampant in his head. Sleep wasn't going to come to him so easily, how could he sleep when he couldn't get the image of Severus out of his head…

Severus entering the bar, dressed in his black jeans that must've hugged his lower half of his body tightly, showing off the shape of him. His black shirt with the sleeves buttoned up to the elbows and buttoned-up black vest. The gold glint of the chain of his pocket watch. And nestled under his shirt, the wolf pendant Remus had given him. He wondered if Severus had worn it that day. Remus could picture the exact outfit the bartender had described perfectly, because of the many times he had seen Severus wear it when he wasn't wearing his robes.

Remus could see Severus looking around the bar, quickly muttering some spell to interfere with the cameras, could feel his possible bout of social anxiety rising up from being in a room filled with talking people that he didn't know, then pushing it away for the sake of his mission. Remus remembered the way Severus would always cling to him or stay near him, sometimes secretly holding Remus' hand when others weren't around. The way Severus would be so quiet, hiding within himself. It made Remus always feel so touched that he was the only one Severus felt comfortable being around, never having to hide who he was with Remus.

Remus imagined Severus going straight to the bar while Mundungus drank and ranted at the television hanging just above the bar. Imagined how Severus may have fixed him with an annoyed and exasperated glare before turning his attention to the bartender who gave him a friendly smile that was brushed aside by him quickly ordering a dark red wine. The kind of wine Severus always preferred, the wine he'd promised Remus he would stop drinking in order to help him become sober. He imagined Severus in that booth, watching and waiting, could feel the disgust and annoyance for Mundungus he must've had…

Remus knew Severus so well, that he was able to picture all of that so easily, to the very smallest detail, even guess what he most likely felt…but those were the assumptions of the Severus Remus knew, the Severus he thought he knew… And the one who had sat at that booth, waiting for a chance to confund Mundungus…could that have been his Severus or the Death Eater?

Why did he do it? Especially after his betrayal, after Severus made his true loyalty to Voldemort's side clear? After he pointed his wand to Harry, attacked him, spoke to him so viciously. It just made sense that it was Severus who confunded Mundungus, but the reason for it didn't. Was there still a part of the Severus Remus and Harry loved in that Death Eater? A part of Severus that still wanted to look after Harry?

That thought made Remus' heart beat faster. He felt his face warm up from the excitement of his thoughts...

There hasn't been a single breach to the wards of the cabin nor the Burrow. The two likely places that Severus knew about. The places where members of the Order could be found, the places where Harry would most likely be taken to once he left the safety of Privet Drive. If Severus was really the traitor he made himself out to be, wouldn't those places have been under attack by now? Wouldn't he have taken the chance to tell Voldemort about them before the wards could be changed to cast him out?

Or at least have Death Eaters stationed outside the wards?

Remus felt his breath hitch with disappointment at his sudden realization. The pieces of his shattered heart aching so fiercely.

Perhaps Severus wanted Harry to reach those places first, maybe that was why the plan still left the Order with the element of surprise, because if the Death Eaters never figured out which Harry was real in the plan, Severus still knew the safe house Harry would go to. The Burrow. Maybe that element of surprise was left there to give the Order a feeling of safety, to convince them into using the plan, well it worked. They were using the plan. Now Remus wondered if Severus' true intentions were to never take over the Burrow or the cabin just yet or use a possible ambush as they got Harry from point A to point B. Maybe the real attack would be after, until Harry was confirmed to be at the Burrow, maybe that was when they would attack. Catch the Order off their guards in making them believe that the plan went on successfully and Harry was safe.

That small flame of hope inside Remus began to dim out. They were just going to have to wait and see if that happens.

Is this some sort of game you're playing with us? Which side are you on? What version of you was always true? I guess we'll just have to wait and see…

If the Burrow remains safe after Harry steps foot inside its wards, if the Death Eaters never try to get through… That could mean…that could mean that Remus would have reason to hope…that his sudden suspicions of things not being what they seem could be right… But then if the other likely scenario happens and the Burrow is attacked…then Remus was a fool to hope, to even think about it… And he couldn't stand the humiliation of it if he should ever voice this out loud and the Burrow does get attacked, so he decided right there to keep it all to himself.

To hope and wonder alone in the dark, to think of those dark eyes, those hands that were always stained and callused from hours of brewing, reaching out and touching his face, telling him to wait, to wait, that he was coming back to him…a picture in his head that Remus internally screamed for it to come true. He wanted that to be true so very much, so badly that he could practically feel Severus' touch…

Remus suddenly sat up in his bed. Sleep was useless. It wasn't coming to him, and there was no point in laying here and waiting for it to happen, allowing himself to get caught up in these thoughts that left no answers and only pain.

He made his way to the small kitchenette, opening a cabinet and pulling out a half-filled bottle of firewhiskey. He then turned around, opening it, and began to dump it down the sink. He couldn't lose himself again that way, couldn't lose control, not when Harry was so close to leaving Privet Drive. It was a battle Remus constantly fought, and in that moment, he won. He pushed away the internal voices in his head telling him to drink, silencing them with the sound of the firewhiskey pouring into the sink.

He had managed to sleep after that. When he awoke hours later in the middle of the night, the same question that haunted Remus constantly since that terrible night, it still stubbornly clung to him no matter how many answers he'd tried to come up with.

How could he have not seen Severus' betrayal coming? Even when Dumbledore and Voldemort's hold on Severus seemed to grow tighter, when it started to grow more obvious that their deadly game of tug-of-war was causing Severus to keep secrets from Remus and Harry. When his long absences grew more frequent, absences that Severus could never truthfully explain away, causing him and Remus to argue, causing Harry to have a hard time trusting Severus when it was all there in his silence, when Harry saw it in Severus' eyes, that terrible thing…

Remus had been so blinded, realizing for the first time that perhaps those were the signs of Severus' betrayal he'd been searching for in his memories all along. After all of his searching, maybe Remus was finally seeing them. The signs of the stranger Severus Snape hid deep within himself. Maybe they were in the secrets Severus kept from them, in the words he would plead to Remus and Harry: Trust me! Telling them how much he loved them, telling them what they wanted to hear from him, giving them a false sense of security. The signs were there, in the way Severus would plead to Remus to take care of Harry if anything were to happen to him. Remus just never thought those would be the signs of actual betrayal, he had always seen them as signs of a trapped soldier forced to fight on both sides, exhausted from being treated as a weapon from two different directions until there was hardly anything Severus could do to remain truthful to himself and to the ones who loved him. It was a deadly game Severus had been playing with the two most powerful wizards of the wizarding world, but who was the one Severus was truly loyal to?

It was supposed to be to Remus and Harry, to Dumbledore, to the Order of the Phoenix, to Poppy and Minerva…the Weasleys, to the students Severus taught every day…and Remus had seen that loyalty or perhaps he thought he did… It was when Severus would come back home to him after being summoned by Voldemort or from his meetings with Dumbledore, refusing to speak about it, always leaving all of it at the door, his mask that hid who he truly was from Voldemort, the mask he wore to protect himself, the role of spy Dumbledore forced upon him. The relief that would shine in Severus' eyes each time, so raw and full of fear, sometimes anger, anxiety and always pure surprise that he was able to return home alive. The way those emotions would glisten and soften as soon as he would see Remus and Harry. Remus had seen that, it was what made this betrayal so hard for him to believe, made him feel as if he were going mad everytime he wondered just how Severus had faked all of it.

When Severus was with Remus, when he was with Harry, Remus never had any doubt who that person was, he had seen Severus for who he was right to his core. Remus had seen that in the way Severus stopped hiding himself from them like he always did with others. In the way he spoke with Harry, the way he loved and cared for him. Remus saw his Severus in the way he fought for Remus to open up to him, never letting Remus succumb into his drinking and depression, and caring for him after each full-moon without ever a single complaint about it, it was always because he wanted to. It was his Severus who held Remus, kissed him, touched him, smiled at him, told Remus he loved him. It was that version of Severus that Remus had grown to know, that had fallen so helplessly in love with. But maybe it really was all just a lie. Maybe it was only to blind Remus from the truth, to hide Severus' true intentions. To hide the Death Eater Severus really was, the stranger, so he could get close to them and cast his curse. To destroy Remus, to destroy Harry and to murder Albus Dumbledore.

That spark that had been between them, warm and glowing before they even knew what it was. It had grown so bright and hot until suddenly there was a fire between them. How could that have come from a one-sided love? Remus had felt it, he'd felt himself being truly and deeply loved. How could that have all been a lie, how could it have been nothing but hate and revenge and malice all along? How could it have all just been in Remus' head?

And still after a summer that separated Remus and Severus, turned them into strangers to each other once more, Remus still needed to understand why. That fire that had once burned between them, it was why he searched for the answers in his memories. Even after weeks of feeling utterly betrayed, of heartbreak and anger and Why? Why? Why? Why had Severus put out the fire? Blown it away as if the fire between them was always just nothing but a small flame on a candle for Severus, leaving Remus lost in the smoke, searching in vain for answers and chasing after the shadows of what they once were.

And maybe Remus had really meant what he's been thinking for a while, the terrible thing he'd admitted to Molly…because he was tired of chasing those shadows, tired of being lost in the smoke from their extinguished fire separating him and Severus, blinding and choking Remus. He was just so tired of searching for the signs of ever seeing that Death Eater hidden in those dark obsidian eyes that he'd fallen so deeply in love with… Then suddenly…suddenly…the thought of those eyes drove Remus out of bed, making him sick over the toilet. And as he retched, he couldn't help but shudder at the thought of those hands that had once touched Remus so lovingly and tenderly, those same hands he'd kissed, were the same hands that murdered Dumbledore, the same hands that attacked Harry so viciously. He couldn't get them out of his head, until Remus fell into another fitful sleep so full of anxiety that it led to him waking up again, this time in the early morning with a throbbing headache and a feeling as if he'd been drowning in an endless sea all night.

A rumbling sound shook the hotel, causing Remus to climb out of bed and open the curtains only to see that it started raining heavily. It was a summer downpour that surrounded Remus with the sounds of steady drumming. He wondered where this came from, it had been nothing but cloudless blue skies for weeks. Seeing the rain instantly brought Remus back to a night when the rain was just as heavy, a full-blown storm that shook the windows, lightning that lit Severus' room up, thunder that stirred a sleeping, naked Severus in his arms. Remus had held him so close against his bare chest just months ago, quietly counting Severus' deep heavy breaths, gently running his hands over soft, pale skin. He remembered how the wolf pendant Lily had given Remus had been nestled in between the fine black hairs of Severus' chest. Remus wondered if Severus still had it or did he laugh at it before tossing it away like he so easily tossed Remus and Harry away. Remus climbed back into bed, curling himself up into a fetal position as tight as he could, after everything, he still couldn't imagine Severus doing that, not without everything in his body screaming and aching with grief.

A/N: Thank you so much, to Imaginer.012, CityGirl7768, xxxliesjee, and bluemoonwrites for always leaving reviews, and your responses to chapter five!

Next update is going to be in August!