This Is War

by Chase'sGirl19

The third story of Already Home This is the aftermath of Severus' betrayal, where he must now live with the consequences of it, and making sure everything is going to plan or it would all be for nothing. Remus must keep himself afloat while handling a broken heart, and being there for Harry. Soon he may find more than that to deal with... And Harry, he must still carry on and fight

7. So Long, Privet Drive

Chapter Seven - So Long, Privet Drive/ A Near Perfect Wronski Feint

Warning: Mentions of cutting and this is a long one! Have some snacks and coffee ready! Also My sister's 20 year old grumpy, tortitude, old lady cat walked across the keyboard just as I was about to post so if you see any crazy typos that's just her contributions for my chapter lol

Don't do it, Draco, don't do it! Harry pleaded to himself, wanting so badly to shout out to his friend, to stop him, but afraid to make the tiniest noise.

Then Harry felt someone behind him. He wasn't alone. He spun around with his wand still raised up to the ramparts and his heart stuttered with relief.

It was Severus! It was his dad, silent as a shadow and so very still, a finger to his lips, wand out. Harry could only stare at him with wide eyes, suddenly frozen. He couldn't move, it was like his body was under a Binding Curse.

"Please! Please! Dad, help them!" Harry shouted, suddenly finding his voice. Suddenly it wasn't so important anymore to stay hidden and quiet.

Then Severus' eyes changed and his wand was pointing right at Harry's chest.

"What? Dad, what are you doing? No, help them, help them!"

Severus' face contorted with hatred and rage as he shouted, "Avada Kedavra!"

Harry screamed, covering his eyes from the bright-green light that engulfed him.

Harry jolted awake with a shout. The nightmare passed through him like a spasm, reopening the gaping wound in his heart that was left by Severus. He laid on his back, staring at the white ceiling as he tried calming himself down by taking deep steadying breaths. His heart was beating loudly in his chest like a drum, beating along to the fear and hurt passing through him. He was drenched in his sweat. The room was so hot that he rolled out of bed to open the window.

It was raining outside. A summer storm. The heavy drops pounded against the pavement. The cool air washed over Harry, but it did nothing to soothe his fear. His hands were shaking.

Only one thing could help…

The sun had not yet risen or maybe it had and was just covered by the storm clouds. It was gray outside and the streetlights were still on. He could make out the shine of his scars from all of his self-harm on his arm from the glow of their orange lights. Harry had stopped wearing long-sleeved shirts to bed, it had grown too warm, and even though he was always so ashamed of the self-inflicted marks, Harry had given into the summer heat and opted for short-sleeved pajama shirts.

And suddenly the need to cut grew stronger. His body trembling hard despite the warm summer air, goosebumps forming on his skin and causing the hair on his arms to prickle. It was hard to not just give in, to find something sharp or to allow himself to scratch and dig his nails into his skin until he bled, the charm to prevent him doing that had long ago worn out. And Harry wanted to just feel that relieving pain cutting would bring him, he had to control the fear inside, to use it to chase away his dad's echoing voice in his ears, to chase away those dark eyes that were so very cold in his dreams that they were unrecognizable. Harry looked up to the sky, wishing he could see the fading stars that were hidden behind the clouds, suddenly missing the vast starry heavens that could be seen from the Astronomy tower at Hogwarts.

But the thought of the Astronomy tower… He and Severus sitting up there talking with the full-moon above them, only for the most terrible thing to happen days later at that exact same spot…like that night, like Harry hadn't meant anything to Severus, perhaps never did. It was a trigger, a trigger Harry couldn't fight.

And even after his nightmare, even through the fear it left, the pain, the urge to cut… Harry missed his dad. Through the anger he had for Severus… Harry still missed him.

Harry was suddenly stuck in that familiar trance. Tearing himself away from the window, searching for his room for anything sharp. He searched his desk, finding the marker Severus had given him, remembering the idea his dad had given to him to use this when he felt like cutting. Harry scoffed with anger and shoved it away, then found a paperclip in his desk drawer. Breathing heavily and fast, Harry pressed it hard against his skin, and pain burned him. It burned away everything he was feeling inside, leaving him blissfully empty for a few moments until he did another cut and another…and another…and another….

Suddenly a long lonely howl echoed from outside among the sound of the rain.

It made Harry drop the paperclip, the silver coated in blood.

He looked out the window again, but there was no sign of a dog. The neighborhood was empty and quiet. He couldn't help but wonder if that howl was more like a wolf's, but he pushed it away. There was no way it could be a wolf, it wasn't a full-moon.

And at the thought of a wolf, it led Harry to thinking about Remus, wondering if he was out there sitting in the rain, listening to the sounds of Harry cutting and guilt washed over him. He looked down at his bleeding arm. Blood streaming down and around to his elbow. He then went to the bathroom to clean himself up.

With muggle bandages covering up his fresh cuts, Harry must have fallen back into a dreamless sleep, because not long after that Aunt Petunia was rapping at his door for breakfast. Harry groaned, feeling exhausted and for some reason hung-over as if he'd drank, forcing himself out of bed. And then once he was dressed for the day, wearing long-sleeves to cover his new cuts, Harry was met by a very unexpected surprise.

Arthur Weasley and Shacklebolt Kingsley were there in the hallway. Harry ran down the stairs, glad and relieved to see them. It meant that it was a sign that his time here with the Dursleys was almost up.

"Nice to see you again, such terrible weather. I really do hope it clears up soon…" Mr. Weasley was saying to the shell-shocked Dursleys. "Oh, Harry!" Mr. Weasley gasped. Harry had thrown his arms around the red-headed wizard who wrapped his arms around him tightly in return. "I'm so happy to see you too, how are you doing?"

Mr. Weasley pulled Harry out of the hug to meet his eyes with concern. It was very out of character for Harry to physically show adults his affection, even something so simple as hugging, and he could see the worry in Mr. Weasley's blue eyes. This was the first time Harry ever hugged Mr. Weasley like that, the embarrassment of what he did caught up to him. He avoided Mr. Weasley's gaze, stepping out of his embrace.

Harry looked over Mr. Weasley's shoulder, craning his neck to see if Remus was here as well. He guiltily wondered if he was there when Harry had cut himself or had Remus left already by then?

"He's not here, he's getting much needed rest but he misses you, Harry, he worries…" Mr. Weasley said, and when Harry didn't respond to that, Mr. Weasley looked him up and down and said, "Look at you, you've gotten taller. You and Ron certainly won't stop growing." It was a feeble attempt to cheer him up, yet it still brought a small smile to Harry's face. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon watched the scene with narrowed eyes.

"Potter, it's nice to see you are doing well here. Lupin's been greatly worried that you wouldn't be. He'll be relieved to hear our confirmation that you are still here in one piece," Kingsley said, announcing his presence.

"What are you guys doing here?" Harry asked. His birthday wasn't for days still, he thought he would be moved at least the day of or the day before it. He was still so surprised by their early arrival.

"We've come to talk to you and your relatives about the plans to move them to a safe house and you to the Burrow," Mr. Weasley explained as Kingsley led a furious looking and shocked Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia into the living room. Dudley was behind his parents, following them and sending Harry a curious glance.

"Are you really alright, Harry?" Mr. Weasley asked, looking him in the eye with such a serious expression. "How have the muggles been treating you? Molly and I have been worried sick over you. After everything that happened, it was all so sudden and fast and suddenly you were here and out of our reach. Have you been eating the food Molly's been sending you?"

"Yes I've been eating and they've been decent, it was nothing I couldn't handle. I'm just glad my time here is nearly over," Harry breathed out with relief.

"Good, just hang on for a few more days and in no time at all you'll be with us at the Burrow." Mr. Weasley then gave Harry a funny look that was full of discomfort, his ears suddenly flushing bright-red just as Harry had watched Ron's do countless times over the years since they'd met.

"Harry, I'm sorry, Molly, she wanted me to check your…" he nodded towards Harry's left arm. "She's been so worried about it…"

"Oh," Harry could only say, his face heating up all the more. He didn't know that she knew. How did she know? Had Severus or Remus told her? He then realized Mr. Weasley was still watching him, still waiting for an answer, and Harry wished that look of careful concern could just go away. He hated it. He hesitantly rolled up his sleeve, feeling thoroughly embarrassed but Mr. Weasley had asked out of kindness and concern.

Harry looked away as he heard Mr. Weasley struggle to stifle a gasp from the sight of all Harry's old scars, including the bandages covering his fresh cuts. Harry had been as strong as he could to not cut this summer except for this morning.

"Let me look at those, just to see if they are serious…" Mr. Weasley managed to say.

"I've been really trying, I was…tell Mrs. Weasley that…and Remus…" Harry said with shame softening his voice as Mr. Weasley took Harry's arm into his hand, peeling back the bandages. Harry forced his gaze back to the red-haired wizard, seeing how Mr. Weasley's gaze was serious and full of concern as he examined the cuts, then wrapped them back up. It reminded Harry of his dad, he wondered how Severus would have reacted to his relapse. Harry's heart ached for him so furiously from that.

"Oh, Harry, when Molly told me… I couldn't believe it…"

At that, Harry looked at him with surprise and anger that his secret had been told to the Weasleys.

"It was Severus who told her. Don't worry she kept it to herself long enough until this morning, not even Remus knows that she knew…but don't you worry, your secret is safe with us. You can trust us, Harry."

Harry pulled his arm away from Mr. Weasley, avoiding his gaze again as he pulled his sleeve down. "I'm okay with you knowing," was all he said.

"Harry's seventeenth birthday is coming up," Kingsley announced as soon as Harry and Mr. Weasley joined everyone in the living room.

Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were sitting together on one sofa. Dudley was sitting in the armchair, looking nervous to be near Kingsley but not afraid, and to Harry's surprise, they were all listening attentively to what the Auror was telling them. Maybe it was the crisp-looking suit Kingsley was wearing that made him seem more like a muggle to the Dursleys than a wizard. It gave the Auror the look of a serious-looking business man who knew what he was talking about, his calm and low voice carefully explaining the situation and patiently answering every single question and concern Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were throwing at him.

Harry kept himself from rolling his eyes at them, especially at Uncle Vernon. Of course it would take someone dressed like some boring muggle male cooperate to get his aunt and uncle to listen. Wait until they saw the way Kingsley normally dressed in his colorful wizard robes often paired with a matching hat and his gold hoop earring in one ear.

"The Death Eaters, that is what we call Voldemort's followers. They are a dangerous lot, most often carrying out the dirty jobs for their leader… They are expecting us to move Harry the night before he turns seventeen, because of that, we've decided to move Harry earlier than that in hopes to avoid an attack by them…"

Harry perked up with happiness and relief when he heard that he was going to be moved to the Burrow earlier than his birthday.

Seeing Harry finally smile at the news, Kingsley winked at him then continued to explain the Dursley's safety and how it would be compromised once Harry left Privet Drive once he became of age. That there's a safe house already being made ready for them. It was already everything that Harry had hinted to them.

The discussion went on for hours. There was a lot of crying from Aunt Petunia about having to leave her home, how Dudley's life would be uprooted and cried louder when Kingsley confirmed that Dudley couldn't return to his last year of Smeltings in the fall. She was more upset about it then Dudley seemed to be, who was looking at his mom with embarrassment. Aunt Petunia glared at Harry with wet blue eyes, silently blaming him. Of course she blamed Harry for all of it. A lot of the shouting and interruptions were coming from Uncle Vernon, making the meeting all the more longer and chaotic then necessary.

Then once the explanations were done, once all of the questions were answered, and at the sight of his wife breaking down next to him, Uncle Vernon pointed his stubby finger at Harry who had stood besides Mr. Weasley during the entirety of the meeting, glaring at Harry with his small dark eyes.

"This is your fault you little freak! I always knew bringing you into my house would always bring us trouble and now it has come! I want you out! Now! I don't ruddy care if those dead whats-its are out there waiting for you! Good riddance! Go on now! Leave with them!"

"Now that's uncalled for!" Mr. Weasley began, but it was Dudley's voice that rose above all of the commotion.

"Dad!" It was the first thing Dudley said since he'd asked about returning to school. He had listened silently to Kingsley's answer, taking it in, accepting it. "Don't!"

"Vernon! Oh!" Aunt Petunia gasped through her tears. "No, he must stay here or they'll find us! The wards will break! It's just better to do as they say! I've seen what they can do! It's just better that we listen!"

"Screw those nancy-pansy wizards! Without a doubt I'm sure Dudley and I can give them the good-ole one-two! We aren't the ones hiding behind ruddy sticks! And if they want the boy so bad then they could fucking have him! Leave me and my family out of this!" he shouted at Kingsley. And with that, Uncle Vernon's eyes landed on Harry and he lunged for him with a roar.

"Vernon, don't!" Petunia screamed.

"Dad! Stop!" Dudley shouted in sync with his mother.

Harry was ready, he knew Uncle Vernon had been itching to punish him for the entirety of the summer, and Harry knew the news on having to leave his home because of Harry would break him. Harry had his wand out in less than a second, refusing to let his childhood fear of his abuser overtake him.

Suddenly Uncle Vernon had three wands pointing at him.

Uncle Vernon stopped in his tracks, just in front of Harry. He stopped shouting, his threats lost in his fear, his face turning gray. His hands up in surrender.

"Stand down, Harry, we've got this," Kingsley ordered.

Harry glared at Uncle Vernon, lowering his wand.

"Step back from your nephew if you know what's good for you, Dursley," Mr. Weasley threatened with a dangerous voice Harry had rarely ever heard from the usual calm and cheerful wizard.

Hands still up in the air, Uncle Vernon stepped back and the wands lowered. His face turned red from anger again, chasing away the ashen gray.

Harry watched him lower his hands.

"Alright, Harry?" Kingsley asked.

Harry could only nod.

"Good, then, Mr. Dursley, a private word please," Kingsley said as he put his wand away.

It looked like Uncle Vernon was about to refuse. He stared Kingsley down, then gave him a stiff, angry nod.

The silence was heavy between Mr. Weasley and Harry with Aunt Petunia as they waited. Dudley just consoled his crying mother. Harry had so many questions swirling inside him, but he didn't ask them. Not with his aunt in the room or Uncle Vernon in the next room who was about ready to attack him if it hadn't been for Mr. Weasley and Kingsley.

"You okay, Harry?" Mr. Weasley asked.

Harry shrugged his concern away. "I'm okay."

After a couple more long minutes Kingsley and Uncle Vernon returned, who finally looked more calmer, automatically returning to his seat beside his crying wife.

They talked more about the safe house. Harry met Dudley's eyes several times during the last stretch of the conversation, but aside from trying to calm his dad down, his cousin still hadn't said much, probably still processing that he not only had to leave school and the house he grew up in, but also the gym and the garage and his girlfriend. Kingsley said no letters, that could give away their location, even phone calls. It was important for their location to remain secret as long as possible, not even Harry would know it.

It wasn't fair to Dudley, Harry realized as he watched him start to break out of his silence in order to console his parents, telling them it was alright, that he could do independent study and complete his last year at the safe house. It wasn't fair because Harry felt like Dudley had more to lose than his parents over having to leave, yet he was the one consoling them. His life was being uprooted because of a war that he had nothing to do with, especially when it seemed as if Dudley was starting to figure himself out without his parent's tight influence over him.

"It's for the best," Dudley kept saying to them. "I'd rather sacrifice a year of my life in hiding than be found dead in this house." That sent more tears from Aunt Petunia. "Oh come on, mum! It's only until the war is over and it shouldn't be long, right?" he asked the wizards in the room.

Harry wondered how much of that calmness and excitement in his cousin's voice was real, how much of an effort it was taking him to appear that way to his parents. Dudley was taking the news way better than them, acting more mature about it by seeing the bright side to it.

"Not long at all," Harry was the one who answered even though he was lying through his teeth. They had no idea when this war would be over, it could be years.

At Harry's answer, Dudley looked at him, and he knew his cousin could see that Harry was lying, that it could be more, but Dudley took it, accepted it, then continued comforting his mom.

"See, no more than a year really… It'll be like an adventure! Weren't you saying you wanted to plan a family holiday after I finished school? Well, here we go, and it's free, dad!" Dudley added.

And Harry knew what his cousin was doing, they both knew that once Dudley was on board, then so would his parents be and this terrible conversation could finally end. Aunt Petunia's loud sobs finally stopped and Uncle Vernon finally stopped looking so angry that he was going to either have a heart attack or try lunging at Harry again.

Everything was planned for the Dursleys to leave on July 27th which was only a few days away. The end of being here at Privet Drive was so close that Harry could see it. It made him feel even more guilty for giving in and cutting himself, the reasons for it all so silly now, nothing but him being lost in his head and impatience. He wondered for the millionth time since, how Remus would react when he saw them. Harry tugged his sleeves down helping the bandages to stay hidden.

Once Mr. Weasley and Kingsley had said their goodbyes and left, Harry was immediately sent up to his room. His aunt and uncle didn't want to see him anymore, didn't want him around, didn't want the living, breathing, walking reminder of them having to leave their lives behind. And Harry was alright with that. He went up to his room, enjoying the peace of finally being ignored again.

.

.

The next day there was no list of chores waiting for him, no orders to cook breakfast or to sit at the table. It was only hateful, teary glares from Aunt Petunia as Harry entered the kitchen. Uncle Vernon was sitting with her. It seemed as if he wasn't going to work today since he was dressed in casual clothes instead of the suits he usually wore during the week.

"Get out of the house," was all Uncle Vernon said to Harry. "Don't come back until it starts to get dark."

It wasn't Uncle Vernon actually kicking Harry out of the house, he just didn't want him around for the day. Harry was alright with that too. He didn't want to be around them either. So Harry found himself at the park with a book, thankful he had thought to eat some breakfast from Mrs. Weasley's care package before leaving the house.

Harry was reading a book on defensive spells that Remus had given to him last Christmas. His eyes going over the diagrams, but not really seeing them as he swung back and forth on his favorite swing. Harry couldn't really concentrate because he was finally getting out, he was finally leaving Privet Drive for good and going to the Burrow. He'll see his friends again, see Remus, and his heart squeezed with a mixture of happiness and impatience to just be there already.

Next to Harry a little kid had been swinging as well, stopping every now and then to ask Harry what he was reading.

"A magic book," was all Harry had said.

"Beat it, kid!" A voice suddenly broke Harry out of his thoughts. He looked up to see the kid running towards his bike, picking it up and sticking his tongue out before riding away.

"Ahh, there's the Big D I know," Harry laughed. "Poor kid."

He turned to see Dudley sitting on the swing next to him, the one the kid had been using.

Dudley glanced at him with a smile.

"I haven't been here this summer," Dudley said, swinging a bit, the chains creaking under his weight. "Funny how all last summer I spent my time here mucking about with my friends, and now…"

"Dudley, I'm really sorry about all of this, really I am," Harry said before Dudley could finish.

"No, don't apologize, it's not your fault."

Harry looked down at his shoes, dusty from the sand. "Well, what about your job? School, your girlfriend, the gym, your life?"

"I was already planning on putting my two weeks in because of Smeltings. It was always just a summer job, there'll be others."

"But you loved working there."

"I know."

"And your girlfriend?"

At the mention of her, Dudley's blue eyes darkened with hurt and regret. He took a deep breath, looking as if he was trying to figure out what he wanted to say. Harry gave him all the time he needed.

"If my parents and I going into hiding is meant to keep us safe, then it'll keep her safe as well. It's better this way. I can't have her or her grandmother hurt because of this. I broke up with her this morning."

"Oh, Dudley…"

"No, don't apologize. It's just something that has to happen. Once this is all over, me and Chelsea, we can figure it all out. We still have the rest of our lives."

"I would like to meet her one day, tell her to not be so hard on you when it's safe for you to be together again."

"I have your word?" Dudley asked with a bit of humor touched with loss. "Cus my girl is stubborn, she's going to give me a lot of shit when I come crawling back."

"I'm taking the blame entirely for her at least," Harry said.

"For that, I will allow you to do…"

There was silence after. They were the only ones at the park, the hot yellow sun glaring down at them. Harry swung a bit until Dudley spoke again.

"I'm looking on the bright side of this, Harry, I have to… It's the only thing holding me up. I can't break down like my parents, I have to be strong for them. We have no choice, I know that, it's our lives we have to choose. We can't stay here and pretend that this war and magic doesn't exist like they want to do. That way of thinking, their way, it could get us killed."

"It still isn't fair to you," Harry said.

"Harry, if anything we should be sticking by your side instead of hiding away all nice and cozy while you're out there fighting literal evil! This isn't fair to you either. You're family, your problems should be ours as well. I just wish my parents could see that, I wish I could've seen it sooner."

That left Harry speechless until he finally managed to ask, "When did you get so smart on me?"

Dudley only shrugged with a bashful smile, "I'm giving Chelsea all the credit."

"Fuck, how am I going to get away with cleverly insulting you now?"

That broke Dudley out of his sudden spell of shyness. He threw his head back and laughed then reached over and shoved Harry off the swing.

"Hey!" Harry shouted with shock then picked himself up and tried knocking Dudley off of his swing as well. They spent several moments wrestling, until it ended with Harry in a headlock.

"I'm not saying it!" Harry shouted.

"Say it!"

"No!"

"Say it!"

"Dudley, get off me!"

"You know what you have to do!"

"Okay, okay!"

"None of this is my bloody fault!"

"And remember it!" Dudley shouted as he finally let Harry go.

"Ugh, bloody hell! How did you manage to not get knocked off the swing the whole time?" Harry asked as he ran a hand through his now very messy hair, sitting back down on his own swing, catching his breath.

"Gym," was all Dudley said.

"Oh, right," Harry laughed. "Maybe I should have joined you then moping about this summer."

"Hey, you don't look it but you're strong too and fast of course. I really had to work to not let you knock me over."

Harry raised up his book that had fallen off the floor. Hermione would have a heart attack at the state of it, covered in sand. "It's dueling. We put a lot of strength behind our stance and wand movement," Harry said. "From Quidditch too, but it's been a while since I've done those things."

"Can you tell me more about your world?" Dudley asked, his eyes on the book with careful curiosity. "I've wanted to know but I was always too hesitant to ask."

"Hesitant? You're afraid of it," Harry pointed out.

"Yeah," Dudley admitted, now it was he who was looking down at his shoes. "Yeah cus it was something I never understood, and my parents made me more afraid of it… I just don't understand it, but I want to. I don't want to be afraid of your world."

And suddenly a memory swept Harry off of his feet.

A memory of Severus talking to Harry in his bedroom. They had just ended a huge argument and Severus was breaking the news to Harry about Remus' disappearance. It was the words he'd told Harry that day… " Some people are just ignorant of things they don't understand or are too afraid to understand…" Severus had been talking about the Ministry being prejudiced against werewolves because they didn't understand them and didn't want to. They just wanted to hate them and fear them.

The same thing could be said for the Dursleys Harry realized. They didn't understand the magical world. They didn't understand Harry nor wanted to, making them fear and hate him, and they passed that onto Dudley who was raised with their ignorance. Dudley, who Harry was realizing was trying to see past that and reconnect with him, trying to get to know him, trying to not be afraid, to not hate. To understand.

The sound of his dad's voice whispered in Harry's ears, the memory of him, leaving Harry feeling suddenly warm and comforted as if he were being hugged by Severus very briefly before disappearing again. It left him aching inside.

"Harry," Dudley's voice brought him back. "You alright?"

Harry nodded. "I can tell you everything if you have the time to listen… Starting from when I received my first letter…"

"Cousin, I have all the time in the world," Dudley grinned.

It turned out Dudley was a very good audience as Harry told him everything starting from his first year at Hogwarts. He gasped in all of the right places. He looked at Harry with wonder and curiosity as Harry described some of the magical objects he'd come across with. He listened attentively and with patience when Harry had to explain the things he didn't understand. He demanded an extra long explanation on Quidditch and Harry's position in it, and all the work Harry had put into his team, going so far as saying that he would like to be a beater if he were magical. Dudley laughed at all of the antics and adventures Harry and his friends had gotten up to during the past six years, and he grew serious when Harry reached the parts with Severus, with Remus, the family he formed and how he had lost it, what Severus had done. It felt good getting it all out. As much as he was surprised at Dudley for wanting to know and actually listening, Harry had surprised himself by talking about it, even the parts that had always been hard.

And when Harry couldn't speak anymore, he asked Dudley if he could do the same. "Tell me about Smeltings, about Chelsea, your friends, everything."

"It's not as exciting as Hogwarts."

"To me it is, I want to know how it's like going to a normal high school."

After that Harry and Dudley spent the rest of the afternoon doing tricks on the swings, seeing who could jump off the furthest while swinging high up in the air, both unaware that this was the only time and the last time that they would hang out as more than just cousins, but as friends.

---

At the Burrow Remus paced the kitchen to the point that he wouldn't be surprised if he found his footprints dented into the wooden floor.

Arthur and Kingsley had gone to Privet Drive that morning to talk to the Dursleys about moving them to their safehouse. Remus wanted to go with them but Kingsley had taken one look at Remus who'd arrived at the Burrow and ordered him to get some rest, that they would summon him when they returned to tell him what happened. Remus accepted their promise, but he couldn't rest even if he tried. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. He didn't want to lay in bed wide awake with nothing but his running thoughts driving him mad.

Just when he stopped in his pacing to stare out of the kitchen window, looking out for any sign of Arthur and Kingsley, Molly came into the kitchen. Remus caught her scent before she spoke, helping him to not startle from her sudden scolding.

"Oh, Remus! I'm sure it'll be alright, now sit, please!" Sounding a bit exasperated, she went up to him, standing beside him.

Remus tore his eyes away from the window and looked down at her, seeing how her brown eyes were studying him with concern.

"Dear, you look asleep on your feet, now you really should have taken Kingsley's advice and use this time to catch up on sleep. Percy's bedroom is always open to you if you need it."

"I really appreciate that, Molly, but really I won't be able to sleep if I go lie down."

"Then how about a nice cup of coffee…"

Remus ran a hand through his hair, a sign of feeling uncomfortable as he politely declined, "Oh, no thank you…"

Ron and Ginny suddenly bursted through the door followed by Hermione who'd been staying at the Burrow since the beginning of July. Mrs. Weasley had told Remus that the poor girl had wiped all memory of her from her parents in order to keep them safe. Remus admired Hermione for it, he didn't even think he could do it himself, couldn't even imagine Harry or Tonks looking at him and not recognizing him, how great that pain and loss would be. It was bad enough that Severus had looked at him and Harry like they were strangers, nothing but vermin he tried to cast away. And the thought of Severus, of wiping every memory of him so that maybe the pain could just be gone forever. Remus couldn't do it, he couldn't let go of the Severus in his memory. He couldn't let go of his Severus, the one who held him, kissed him, touched him, called him darling in that deep and gentle voice. Remus just couldn't be as brave as Hermione to do it, because those memories were all he had left of the Severus he had loved.

The Burrow in fact had been more chaotic and fuller than usual due to Bill and Fleur's upcoming wedding. Not only was the Weasley home being used as a temporary headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix, now it was being used as a wedding venue and a hotel for Fleur and her family. It was a rare morning such as this one that Molly and Remus found themselves alone in a quiet kitchen before the peaceful spell was broken.

"Mum! Dad and Kingsley are back! They just Apparated at the edge of the wards!" Ron announced.

Remus shot out of the backdoor before he could catch Molly's answer to her youngest son. He met Arthur and Kingsley halfway on the dirt path.

"How did it go? How is Harry doing?" Remus asked, sounding every bit as worried as a mother hen and he didn't care to hide it. He could almost hear Severus laughing at him over it: That's because you are, darling! With a flicker of pain, Remus mentally shoved it away.

Kingsley kept walking, Arthur behind him. Remus walked along with him as he spoke, "You're supposed to be resting until your next watch, Lupin, that was our agreement, wasn't it? You don't look like you've slept at all."

Remus sheepishly placed a hand on the back of his head, "I tried… I will… I just, please I have to know how he's doing, did he say anything?" The desperation in his voice caused it to shake.

Kingsley sighed with defeat, but not unkindly.

He then spoke over his shoulder to Arthur. "I'll leave this to you, Arthur, you had more time with Potter. Then, Lupin, get some sleep. That's an order this time or I'll think you'll be unfit for your watch tonight."

"Understood," Remus called out to Kingsley's retreating back.

Remus then met Arthur's gaze again who had remained silent during the entire exchange between him and Kingsley. He looked at Remus with an air of exhaustion, suddenly looking years older than his actual age, as if the task he'd done this morning had taken years off of him. Realizing that, Remus' heart sank with despair and worry for his cub, but never disappointment. It wasn't Harry's fault. Because Remus knew exactly what Arthur was about to reveal and he was afraid to hear the inevitable confirmation of it.

"Arthur," Remus could barely say. "How did Harry look? Molly told me that you were going to try and check his arm if he would let you."

And the way Arthur had looked at Remus, Remus knew, he knew that was Arthur's confirmation that Harry had resorted to cutting himself again. The heaviness of that, it sunk so low into Remus, he felt like dropping to his hands and knees until the ground could stop swaying. All of his efforts to watch over Harry this summer hadn't been enough. Remus wasn't enough for Harry. Dark thoughts swirled around Remus' head. Because Severus had always been better with this than him, always knew what to say to Harry, how to comfort him, how to distract Harry from cutting. Remus had tried his hardest this summer to prevent that and he still failed. He felt like an utter failure. Nothing but a weak replacement to what Severus was to Harry, and what even Sirius was to him, which Remus felt like he could never amount to them.

Harry worked so hard to not cut, all of that effort, all of that work…all because…because…of Severus… Remus realized.

That sudden light in his dark thoughts pulled him out of his spiral. Placing blame on Severus, it helped Remus cope with the horrible news. If it weren't for Severus betraying them, leaving Harry to be back in the Dursley's custody, then perhaps Harry's streak of no cutting wouldn't have ended like this, with him alone and no one there to help him through it. And with that thought, fiery, red hot anger directed at Severus went through Remus, giving him the strength to keep standing.

"He's barely hanging on," Arthur said. "What you and Molly's been worried about, I saw why. We need to get Harry out as soon as possible."

.

.

And as soon as possible finally arrived.

July 27th.

It was time to get Harry out and Remus was itching to get this mission started. He was finally going to see Harry, he needed to see Harry and not from a distance. Not in secret. Face to face. And to be seen by Harry. To be able to hug his cub so very close and apologize to him over and over for feeling so alone to the point that Harry had resorted to cutting himself again to deal with it.

He was cutting himself and I wasn't there, I wasn't there to stop him… A fresh wave of guilt washed over Remus, but he didn't let it consume him. He didn't allow himself to fall from it. But he allowed it to stay, a small ache in his heart.

Remus didn't feel awake. It was only a matter of minutes until he and Harry were finally going to be reunited. It felt so surreal as if Remus was really just dreaming of a day that was never going to come. Dreaming of this moment finally happening after such long miserable weeks that felt like years.

The Order were all meeting inside Remus' hotel room, the ones chosen to be escorts and Potters. It was a tight fit with Hagrid in the room among fourteen people. Remus was surprised no one had come from the hotel office to complain, thinking he may be throwing a party or something, but it was the only safe place close enough to wait for Diggle and Jones to collect the Dursleys and give them the signal that Harry was ready.

After tonight, Remus wouldn't be needing this hotel room anymore. His stay was finally over, along with the long nights on the roof, listening closely for any sounds of abuse or sounds of Harry hurting himself. No more mysterious sounds in the back garden. It was finally all over. Remus made sure to check out at the front desk as they waited, then packed up what little he had and shrunk it away safely inside of his pockets, including his broken guitar. Tonks watched him pick up the wooden pieces and strings, not leaving a single part of it behind. He had no idea why, but he felt like he had to. Maybe he just wasn't ready to let go of the broken pieces of his guitar yet, broken pieces that reminded Remus of how he felt inside. What Severus wanted.

Tonks jumped off the small kitchen counter where she'd been sitting, going over to Remus and asking quietly, "What happened to your…"

But Tonks never finished her question, because at that moment Jones' patronus suddenly appeared, illuminating everyone's faces all filled with anticipation.

"It's time."

Privet Drive wasn't far. They all traveled there by brooms, a thestral and Hagrid's motorbike.

Tonks flew on her broom besides Remus, her short pink hair being whipped back by the wind. He could feel her worried gaze on him no matter how hard he tried to focus on the dark skies in front of him.

"Stop worrying," Remus said through the loud whipping breeze. "I could feel you doing it."

"What if he's there, Remus, what if there's an ambush waiting for us still and he's there? What are you going to do?"

Remus didn't have to ask who she meant by he, and he bit back a stinging retort for her to stop coddling him. He was fine, he was going to be fine, and if Severus was there, part of a possible ambush above Privet Drive, hidden in the clouds…well, Remus was just going to have to attack him just like he would do to any other Death Eater. Because of course he's thought about it. It was the very thing that prevented Remus from sleeping before the night of the mission. A thought that nagged at him and tormented him, never giving him any peace of mind, and there was no way to soothe it, only to just deal with it when it happened.

"I'll be fine," was all Remus said because he had to be. This mission was too important to allow himself to lose his head over the possibility of seeing Severus again.

It wasn't long until they landed one by one in the Dursley's backyard. As soon as Remus' feet touched the freshly cut grass, he spotted Harry opening the sliding glass door. Remus bolted towards his son.

"Harry!" Remus shouted.

Harry stepped out of the house, his green eyes finding him among the crowd of Order members. And suddenly, Remus couldn't even remember how, but suddenly, Harry was in his arms. Remus hugged his cub tight, vowing to never let him go, to never let him out of his sight, to hold onto him forever.

"Papa, I missed you. I missed you, I missed you, I missed you," Harry muttered into his shoulder over and over again.

"Oh, I've missed you too, more than you know, cub," Remus said back, his eyes closed, still holding his son tight and not caring that everyone was watching. Not caring that even the possible Death Eaters hovering in the cloudy dark skies above could see, even if Severus could see.

Let him see, Remus thought. Let him see what he gave up.

The only thing that mattered was Harry in Remus' arms again, his cub safe and sound with him again.

"Oh, believe me, Harry, believe me when I tell you that I was here every night as much as I possibly could. I was up there on that roof, I heard you speaking to me… I heard you, I was there, I heard you, I heard you, I heard you… You were never alone, you were never forgotten, even when you felt like you were, you weren't. I'm so sorry that you felt that way. I love you so much, cub."

Harry then pulled away from him and Remus could see it, his hurt and loneliness in his bright-green eyes behind round glasses. Like a combination of Lily and James together. And it felt like they were suddenly there, standing by their son. Standing and watching Remus with cold disappointment.

You were supposed to keep my baby safe, Lily's voice echoed in Remus' head. He's your son now as much as he is ours, why didn't you try harder? You were supposed to try harder, Moony, James' voice followed along with his wife's, interweaving and dancing among each other towards Remus, causing him to fall into his guilt.

But Harry brought him back.

"Please don't blame yourself for me having to be back here… I can see it in you… Even though I was angry and alone, I tried to be brave. I was brave. It was my choice, not your's. You did the right thing by allowing me to do what I had to do."

Remus could only look at Harry. Dressed and ready for the mission. He was taller, and he seemed more in control of himself, his emotions, his past, hiding it all away to deal with later, putting the mission and the war first. He seemed more grown-up, and it hit Remus that just in a few days he would officially be an adult, no longer a child anymore.

He couldn't help but give Harry an admiring smile who gave him a green questioning look.

"You seem taller, cub, did you hit a growth spurt this summer?"

Harry reached up and ran a hand through his hair, shrugging in answer to Remus' question.

Then before he or Remus could say anything else, Harry was pulled away by his friends, Hermione hugging him and Ron causing him to laugh. Remus watched him, realizing just how much he missed seeing Harry happy, missed seeing him smile, missed hearing him laugh. For just a moment, everything was okay.

"He's alright, Remus, we are getting him out tonight," Tonks said.

Remus couldn't say anything in return, his heart felt too swollen to speak as he watched Harry who kept looking back at him with happiness as he caught up with Ron and Hermione. All Remus could do was reach out and grasp her hand, seeking her comfort, eyes on his son, a son he onced shared with Severus, but now it was the past. A past they had to overcome together to get through this war. He and Harry, whatever happens, they were all each other had. That was all that mattered to him, Harry was all that mattered.

Tonks squeezed his hand back, not saying anything, perhaps she could see the chaos of his thoughts running through his mind. Although they had talked things out, Remus had still been acting distant with her, but now suddenly he wanted their friendship back, the way it used to be before it got so complicated. And he didn't know what spurted that sudden longing. It was like a light in the cloudy skies that he'd been lost in and Tonks was calling his name. Maybe it was because of Harry, seeing him, knowing that he was alright, that he was with Remus again, maybe now Remus just wanted everything else to go back to its place, be as normal as it once was before Severus destroyed everything in him.

And maybe it didn't have to be just him and Harry, maybe it could be Tonks too.

She and their baby mattered as well, Remus realized.

They all settled inside the Dursley's kitchen, talking and laughing as if they weren't just moments away from a dangerous mission. Maybe it was the only way to get through it, the only way that kept them from losing themselves in their panic. Maybe it was the reason why Moody gave them a bit of time to settle and laugh before he called for their attention.

"I've always hated how clean this place is," Tonks said. "It's eerie, like no one lives here, like a…"

"Museum?" Remus helped.

"Yes or a mausoleum," she said.

Remus shuddered at the thought.

"Try growing up here," Harry put in.

"How did you turn out so normal, mate?" Ron laughed.

"I didn't," Harry laughed.

"Boys," Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Oh is that a mackerel wave?" Arthur suddenly asked, pointing excitedly at the microwave. "Are there actual mackerels inside there?"

Harry and Remus bursted out laughing. Hermione chuckled and began to show Arthur how to use it and what it was for. The sounds of the microwave opening and closing and the beeping buttons joined in the riot of voices and laughter of everyone being together with Harry again.

Kingsley and Moody were talking quietly amongst each other, Mundungus sulking behind Moody like his second shadow.

"Wotcher, Harry," Tonks greeted Harry with a wink.

Harry smiled, the sound of his and Remus' laughter together now nothing more but an echo in the kitchen. "Hi, Tonks, how's everything going?"

"It's going great, um…"

Tonks looked to Remus again. Remus looked back at her, her eyes were questioning. He knew what she was asking him and the answer was not yet, not like this. Remus wanted to talk to Harry alone with all the time in the world, not before a mission, not in front of everyone. But before he could say all of that, he saw Harry was no longer looking at their faces but at their conjoined hands. His eyes then traveled to Tonks' newly swollen belly. She wasn't far along yet, but as soon as everyone learned of their news, her belly popped out. Molly predicted it may be a sign of the baby being a strong healthy boy she was carrying.

Harry's eyes widened and the happiness that Remus felt at being reunited with his cub again, he felt it deflate like a balloon.

"You're pregnant?!" Harry exclaimed.

Remus took a breath, bracing himself for Harry's reaction.

"Harry," Remus began to say.

"And married too! Did they tell you the news, Harry?" Fleur added, beaming at him.

And in that very moment Remus wished he could sink down to the floor and disappear, anything so that he wouldn't have to watch the betrayal appear on Harry's face. The wolf inside him growled, hating the anger, the annoyance and the embarrassment he was feeling. How dare she!

Fleur had been standing behind them with Bill the whole time they had been speaking, missing the signs, the tension between the three of them, thinking it was happy news to Harry.

"It'll be like a sister or brother now, right, Harry? Remus is like a father to you now? You must be so happy for him and Tonks," Fleur went on not noticing Remus' frown.

Remus wasn't trying to replace Harry, but he could see that Harry was feeling it, it was in his face, in his sudden silence. He told Tonks congratulations, giving her a smile, but he stopped looking at Remus. Remus just wanted to grab Harry by the shoulders and make him understand that the time spent with him and Severus could never be replaceable, that Harry would always be family to him. He would always be a father to him no matter what, even if that means he was having a baby with Tonks, it wasn't changing anything between him and Harry at all.

Remus was about to say all of that to Harry, even if it was in front of everyone, but he was interrupted before he could even utter a word. Moody ordered everyone to be silent. It was time for them to start the mission, time to get Harry out of Privet Drive for good.

And all Remus could do was watch his cub step away from him, joining Ron and Hermione as Moody explained the plan of the seven Potters. Remus let Harry go, even though every instinct in his body was telling him to reach out and grab Harry's hand, to make him stay, to make him understand, but Remus didn't, he couldn't… The mission was starting, it would all have to wait, that is if they were lucky enough for it to be successful without any casualties.

---

Severus was hovering above the wards of Privet Drive. The Death Eaters were forming a circular line behind him. He'd been chosen to lead the mission, a position Severus did not want, not even nearly as much as Lucius had wanted it. He could feel the jealousy coming off the aristocratic wizard in waves. Severus was so close to just handing the position over to him out of sheer annoyance, but he couldn't, no matter how easier it would have been to just remain at the back of the ambushing party where he could secretly help the Order by casting curses at the unsuspecting backs of the Death Eaters. Now Severus was going to have to be more cunning and careful to protect the Order as leader of the ambushing party. The Death Eaters would be keeping an eye on Severus in case he should issue orders during the attack.

As they continued to wait, it was a silence before a heavy storm. Severus' eyes were fixed down towards the direction of the house, hoping that the plan he gave to Mundungus had reached the Order without any trouble, that they decided to use the plan. He wondered if Remus had joined the mission in getting Harry out of Privet Drive, then berated himself for that, of course Remus was going to be there, he might even be the one leading it. This involved their kid, it was about getting Harry to the safety of the Burrow. There shouldn't be a single doubt that Remus was going to be there, and Severus wondered if the moment would come when he would be forced to raise his wand against them again. Would he be able to do it so cruelly and successfully like the night of the betrayal? The Death Eaters would be watching his every move. He would have to. An ugly feeling in Severus' stomach twisted inside of him.

Then suddenly, the wards went down. The wards went down and Severus wasn't ready. He should've been ready, he was supposed to be ready, but he wasn't. He gritted his teeth, bracing himself as he saw the Order members racing towards him and the Death Eaters, unaware yet of the ambush that was waiting for them. If time could just stop, if everything could just slow down, allowing Severus to look closely enough, he wondered if he could spot Remus' golden hair, and wondered if he could tell immediately which Potter was the real Harry…

"Are we going or not!" Lucius hissed from behind him. "Look at that! Seven Potters! They knew we were waiting for them!"

"Which one is the real one?" Dolohov sneered with a sick and twisted tone in his voice. "Should be fun figuring it out."

"Ooh, look at all the whittle baby Potters!" Bellatrix laughed.

"Surround them, find Potter before he enters the wards of the safehouse. I suspect each pair is heading to one. Remember, you are not to harm Potter. He is for the Dark Lord alone to deal with!" Severus ordered, and with that, he raised his wand to the group to his left, signaling them to fly higher out of sight then position themselves to the left side of the Order. He flicked his wand to the group on his right to do the same, then again for the rest to surround the Order from behind, leaving Severus alone with three Death Eaters, Lucius, Bellatrix; purposely keeping her close where Severus could keep an eye on her, and Dolohov.

His plan was annoyingly successful of course. The Order were speeding fast towards them, now they were close enough that Severus could see that Moody was at the head of the group, a Harry on a broom flying next to him. Then the Order slowed, bunching close together as Death Eaters surrounded them from all sides. Seven Order members all paired with a Harry Potter. Most of them on brooms, save for Bill on a thestral with a Harry that Severus guessed had to be Fleur, and Hagrid with a Harry on Black's old motorbike, maybe it was Granger, another person he knew who was not good on a broom. He knew his son. His son would be on a broom, and Severus knew his flying style so very well, he just had to see how each of those Potters on brooms flew, and with that as his goal, Severus flew straight towards Moody without any warning to the three Death Eaters hovering besides him.

As soon as the Order saw Severus coming at them, spells started firing from all directions, causing complete and utter chaos. Bellatrix's laughter was ringing in his ears, Severus hated that she had come. The sound of the wind whipping their cloaks. The curses bouncing back and forth. The shouts. It all covered up the fast beating sound of his heart from his fear of Remus and Harry getting hurt, of being in the thick of this ambush over hundreds of feet in the air. He had to find them.

Both sides collided. The sky lit up, green, red, gold, blue.

Severus had to find his family, had to protect them. It was the only thing racing through his head faster then he was flying on his broom.

Find Remus, find Harry

Protect them

Find them, protect them

Don't let the others see!

Severus was now close enough to Alastor to see the old grizzled Auror glaring at Severus with so much hatred. Severus shot the first spell. Alastor successfully blocked it, firing one back just as quickly for Severus to block as well and send off a new one. The old Auror was quick, ruthless and powerful in his curses and shields, Severus found himself actually working hard to defend himself from getting hit and being able to attack back just as hard. Maybe he should have had Moody teach Harry how to duel instead. He couldn't even aim a few of his curses to secretly hit any nearby Death Eaters. All of his energy and attention was stuck on dueling with Alastor Moody. He had to get the Auror off his back as quickly as possible. Remus and Harry were all that mattered, Severus couldn't protect let alone even find the right Harry like this.

It happened so fast. Severus blocked one of Alastor's curses. It ricocheted off of his shield with a crimson sparkling blast and bounced back towards the Auror with the speed of a bludger, heading straight for the Harry hovering beside Moody. The Harry's face whitened with bloodless terror at the oncoming attack, the glow of the red spell reflecting in his green eyes. Green eyes that were not Severus' son's.

Constant Vigilance was what Alastor Moody always told each and every person in the Order. His only rule, the words he lived religiously by, what he used to center his style as an Auror, what Severus had seen him teach his apprentice. Constant Vigilance. And when Alastor Moody decided to break his own rule, it was his downfall and Severus watched it all.

It took two seconds for it to happen. The Auror broke his concentration and turned to see his Harry cowering, ready to flee. He reached out a scarred hand, holding his Harry, preventing him from leaving, growling out an unheard order. Watching that, Severus confirmed to himself that the Harry with Alastor was not his son. Not only were the eyes wrong, Harry would fight along with the Auror not cower in fear, in fact most the Order wouldn't react that way. It was Mundungus that was paired with Alastor. It had to be. The thief was the only one cowardly and disgusting enough to try and flee in the middle of battle without even trying to fight back first.

And in that first second as Severus realized that the Harry was Mundungus, in that first second when Alastor Moody had let his guard down, Lucius was suddenly beside Severus, aiming Narcissa's wand at the Auror and sending out a curse to him, but since Lucius was using his wife's wand without earning its allegiance, it didn't fully match his magical core. His aim was off and it went over Mundungus' head, causing him to yell out with fear and Disapparate with a loud crack that for a moment silenced the sounds of battle. The broom Mundungus was using fell down below as Alastor let out a roar of anger and disbelief.

"Fucking Mundungus! When I catch you later you're going to wish you had been hit by that curse, you bloody coward!"

Lucius attacked again, Severus followed him, only he aimed his curse a little slightly to the left, over Moody's shoulder, to hit a Death Eater that was battling with Arthur, hoping that would get the Death Eater off Arthur's back so he could take his Harry and leave the battle. Severus didn't have time to check if the Harry paired up with Arthur was his son because that was second number two when Alastor broke his rule. The deadly bright-green curse that shot out from Lucius' wand this time was true, hitting its mark and without mercy, getting Alastor right in the chest, who grunted with shock, his shouts still echoing in the night sky, then he was gone, his body falling down, down and down and Severus had to bite his tongue to keep himself from shouting out his horror at watching Alastor fall like that. Had to force himself to stay hovering in the air with Lucius beside him and not race down to catch the Auror before he hit the ground. He couldn't. They were all watching.

But the only thought that pushed itself through his horror was that Severus knew Alastor died a death he would've wanted. It was dying for the cause, it seemed noble enough for the Auror, dying to protect Harry and the Order. It was a noble death fit for an old Auror like him, and with that, a spurt of grief suddenly went through Severus, surprising him. Severus never much liked Alastor, remembering all of their disagreements in the past, all of the Auror's spoken mistrust for him, but he was also a formidable and powerful leader now fallen. Another great loss to the Order of the Phoenix.

"One down," Lucius said coldly and without feeling from behind his mask.

Severus didn't say anything in return because he couldn't, instead he schooled his face into one of indifference to what they just witnessed. He watched Lucius fly straight towards Tonks who was trying to fly out of battle with her Harry following beside her. Bellatrix was on their tail, her laughter traveling along with her wayward curses flying through the air, one of the main sources to all of the chaos. Bellatrix and Severus were the only ones not wearing Death Eater masks, a sign of their high rank. Severus could see her black eyes dancing with sick joy, locked onto her niece. Severus didn't follow after Lucius, even when he knew Tonks would be outnumbered. At the moment, he didn't care. It was an ugly side of him he hated, he was ashamed of it but he was too full of bitterness and jealousy and anger for her to do anything about it. He couldn't make those feelings go away. They consumed him, his glare following Tonks through illuminated dark skies. The witch could take care of her and her unborn child herself! And one glance at the way her Harry was flying with her, he knew that wasn't his son.

After that Severus threw himself in the battle. Dodging more wayward curses and successfully taking down a few unsuspecting Death Eaters unnoticed and casting a few mild curses at a few Order members until he was able to escape it again when the battle began to thin out, hovering above everyone and having a bird's eye view of the scene. Most of the Order members were fighting their way through the Death Eaters, trying to leave in the direction of their assigned safe houses. It seemed as if they were spending their energy trying to escape the ambush rather than fight.

Arthur was already speeding off in the distance with his Harry, Dolohov far behind him. Bill and Fleur on the Thestral had long gone. Tonks and her Harry made their escape as well, zooming off to their safe house. Bellatrix had followed after them.

Kingsley was still battling below, making sure everyone else managed to escape before taking off himself. No way that was the real Harry with him, if it were then Kingsley wouldn't have taken the time to make sure everyone had gotten away safely before getting himself and his Harry out. Severus looked closer, seeing how uncomfortable that Harry looked on his broom. That wasn't his son, perhaps Granger… But if that could be Granger… Then his eyes went to Hagrid on the motorbike with his Harry in the sidecar, holding on for dear life as they battled three Death Eaters on their tail.

Lucius returned from chasing after Tonks, he found Severus, hovering beside him. "Do you think that's the real Potter with that half-breed?"

Severus didn't answer. He watched the Harry in the sidecar intensively, watched as spells from Hagrid's umbrella lit up the sky. Watched as Hagrid's Harry bravely fought off their attackers as Hagrid tried to clear a path to get through and escape. The determination set in the Harry's jaw, the light in those green eyes. The roaring sound of the motorbike was now the loudest noise of the battlefield as most Order members and their Harrys had made their escapes. The noise then began to soften as Hagrid finally managed to shoot out into the sky, away from the battle with several Death Eaters still on his tail. The light of the curses going back and forth were now the only thing Severus could see of them against the dark sky.

Suddenly a shriek of an owl rose above the traveling noise of the motorbike and the sounds of curses whizzing back and forth reaching Severus.

Severus shot forward.

That was his son! He found him! He was with Hagrid, of course he was with Hagrid!

But before Severus could reach them, his plan was to pretend to attack but really to make sure no other Death Eaters followed after them, to make sure they had a clear path to their safe house, all the while making it look convincing to everyone that he was indeed after the real Harry Potter, Severus suddenly halted, before he could do any of that, before he could even get to his son, he found himself face to face with Remus.

Severus felt himself freeze, felt his heart pounding. Its beating thuds were loud in his ears. Everything around him suddenly seemed to just stop and all he could do was stare. Everything that mattered, the urgency for what he was about to do, it suddenly seemed to all go away except for that furious hazel-green glare. But before Severus could break out of his spell, a Death Eater from behind him shot a curse at Remus and his Harry hovering beside him.

Perhaps Remus was frozen in time too, maybe that was why he didn't see the curse until it was too late. He turned his head towards it with shock. The glow of the spell turned Remus' hair and face green.

Fury for that Death Eater shot through Severus as he watched Remus block it barely in time. With fear thudding in his chest, squeezing his lungs and consumed in his fury, before Severus could think, he shot Sectumsempra out to the Death Eater flying overhead and was now just behind Remus' Harry. And in Remus' eyes Severus knew he looked bad, knew it looked like he was aiming his curse at his Harry. Remus quickly shot a spell to deflect it. The curses exploded into each other, a firework of green and blue, the power of them causing Severus' spell to ricochet onto Remus' Harry, hitting him in the side of the head. The Harry screamed out from the shock and pain, falling off his broom.

The Death Eater circled back, Severus was sure it was Rowle, shooting another curse at Remus who was shouting for his Harry falling below. It happened so fast before Severus could think of what to do, hitting Remus in the side. He grunted out with pain as another Death Eater began to attack. Remus shot down after his Harry with two Death Eaters and Severus on his tail.

Lucius appeared out of nowhere, cutting Remus off, Remus skidded to a stop and flew a different direction trying to shake him, trying to catch up to his falling Harry. Severus wished there was a way to help them but all he could do was race side by side with the Death Eaters, casting curse after curse, making sure they all missed.

Then suddenly Remus was falling, broom still in hand, thrown off by Lucius' curse. Severus screamed but luckily the others were too far ahead from him to hear, he shot down below, seeing the tiny figure of Remus, falling, falling, falling…

The Death Eaters halted, laughing as they watched. Severus felt sick at their jokes, heart pounding louder than ever, quickly thinking of a plan to help Remus. "I'll go after the werewolf, see where he falls, help the rest!" he shouted to them as he sped down as fast as he could. Lucius led the Death Eaters back to the battle.

Severus was speeding as fast as he could, completely prepared to do anything possible to save Remus, even if it might blow his cover. He couldn't let Remus die like that.

With the wind whipping back his hair, stinging his eyes, freezing his hands, his robes flapping around him, Severus was closer. He really didn't need this broom to fly anymore. It was slowing him down, the power of flight, an unwanted gift from the Dark Lord, a gift he vowed he would never use unless he had to, but luckily it didn't have to come to that. He was close enough to now see Remus managing to pull a leg over his broom, pulling himself back on and gaining control again but still speeding downward fast, just as if Remus were Harry pulling off a spectacular and heart-stopping Wronski Feint…

Severus stopped abruptly, all he could do was watch because this was Remus and not Harry. Remus who was not comfortable flying like that on a broom, who'd rather sit on the stands and watch the Quidditch players instead of being one, who was even known to read during the matches. The Wronski Feint was one of the hardest, most dangerous flying tricks that only the best fliers could pull off without getting hurt. And with Remus possibly injured on a speeding broom that he was still trying to gain control of…

Severus grunted out with fear, trying not to scream as he shot forward, trying desperately to catch up. They left everyone behind. And it was just him and Remus and falling and the sky and the stars and the freezing wind. The ground becoming closer and closer and closer.

And suddenly Severus could see the falling Harry. Remus gained another spurt of speed. He was flat against his broom, the wind violently whipping his hair and robes back as he finally caught up to his Harry, finally catching him and pulling him onto his broom, still speeding downward fast but managed to pull himself out of it and soared up into the sky just in time. A near perfect Wronski Feint Harry would be proud of.

Severus stopped flying, hovering in the air, he was overcome with relief, he could feel his hands shaking. That was too close, way too close. Then Rowle was suddenly beside him before Severus could even catch a breath, watching Remus speeding away with his injured Harry in the direction of his safehouse, not looking back. Severus wondered if Remus had known Severus was behind him the whole time. He doubted it. But he made it out safely, that was all that mattered, even if now Remus was probably more convinced than ever before that Severus was truly a Death Eater. He really hadn't meant to hit that Harry with Sectumsempra. It was an accident and he hoped whoever that person was, that they were okay.

"Should I go after them?" Rowle asked.

"No, that isn't the real Potter, let them go."

"How could you be so sure?"

"I've lived with the brat for over a year! Believe me when I say that isn't the real one!"

Suddenly the dark mark burned hot and sharp and so fierce. It took a great amount of self-control to not cry out with pain along with Rowle. The intensity of the pain, it couldn't be a good sign. It meant that the Dark Lord had joined the attack, it meant that he found Harry and was calling for his followers to join him. The dark magic pulled at Severus, and cursing under his breath, he followed it. The Death Eaters followed behind him like a flock of birds.

It wasn't long until Severus could see them. It wasn't a good situation. Hagrid was passed out on the motorbike, Harry was trying to hold on to the sidecar and trying to drive the motorbike at the same time, his wand in hand, shooting out curses and jinxes and shields whenever he could. The Dark Lord was flying next to him without a broom, so terrifyingly close. Harry's face was white with terror, yet he was still fighting, still holding on, not losing himself in his fear. Severus couldn't have been more proud of his son for being so strong, for giving the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord a very tough fight.

Seeing that, Severus shot forward, flying faster than ever, not sure what he was going to do or how he was going to help Harry, but he had to do something. He hated how helpless, how powerless he felt, how far away he was…

But before Severus could reach them, Harry's and the Dark Lord's wands connected with a bright light.

Priori Incantatem. It was happening again, even with Lucius' wand. Red-hot, blinding anger could be felt through the dark mark from the Dark Lord, and suddenly rage, blinding rage as the Dark Lord bounced off an invisible shield, breaking the connection. Severus could see Hagrid and Harry speeding away, leaving a trail of smoke in their wake. Severus breathed out with relief. It was over, the mission was over and Harry and Remus were safe.

The Dark Lord just radiated anger as he screamed, and when he pulsed with it, that was when he was at his most dangerous.

The remaining Death Eaters that weren't knocked off their brooms in battle all hovered around him in a circle, bowing down to their lord, none of them daring to move or say a single word in case that should be the very last thing they do.

"Lucius! You swine! Come with me, we have much to discuss!" Lucius moved forward, still in a bowing position. Submissive and apologetic for the Dark Lord's failure. It was disgusting.

Red eyes passed through each and every one of them, crackling anger filled the air. No one dared show their fear. Then those red eyes landed on Severus. He kept his gaze down, not daring to challenge the Dark Lord with his stare.

"Why do you use a broom when I have given you a gift, Severus? Do you not like it? You should be proud of it, you should be using it, maybe then it would've made you faster. Potter was right there in our reach and you were chugging along slowly on that stick!"

The Death Eaters all turned to him, all of them learning about his power of flight for the first time, oh the jealousy that burned in Bellatrix's stare, the jealousy and betrayal he saw in the way Lucius looked at him over his shoulder.

The Dark Lord waved his wand at him and the broom was gone, but Severus saw that coming and he was ready. He hovered in the air, just as the Dark Lord was doing. Severus saw the awe and jealousy in some of the Death Eaters as they watched.

Severus knew what the Dark Lord was doing, this was his punishment for the failed mission, singling Severus out from his followers, making the Death Eaters hate him even more.

"Severus, since you want to act like you're less than your rank, I'll give you the grunt work. I want you to do a sweep of the area below, clean up any fallen bodies along with any survivors and bring them all to me!"

Bellatrix laughed at that, "Oh what a pity, little Severus, doing the work of a commoner!"

And then the Dark Lord was gone.

.

.

It took a long sweep of the area below where the ambush took place. Severus couldn't find any bodies other than Alastor's. He only found a few injured Death Eaters, gathering them all, then sending them back to Malfoy Manor. Despite the ambush being brought on by the Death Eaters, it looked like it was the Order that escaped with the least amount of damage, their only fallen warrior was Alastor. And when he found the body, Severus felt sick. The sight of the body's state was so gruesome in a dark alleyway. He was lucky the body didn't fall near anyone.

He didn't want to take Alastor back to Malfoy Manor, his fate had been terrible enough, but Severus had to pick his battles, take some losses. He had no idea why the Dark Lord wanted the body and he refused to think why. He made sure to say a quiet prayer out of respect and for forgiveness to the Auror for what he was about to do, thankful that the Dark Lord sent him out on this mission alone, that way he didn't have to hide behind his Death Eater personal. Severus could just do it right by being himself, silently talking to Alastor in his head, explaining everything to him so that his spirit could see why, that he could move on peacefully, knowing this war was in Severus' hands, that he didn't die for nothing, all of this wasn't in vain. He was sure Alastor would understand. Severus was sure of it. He had to believe it because if he didn't… Severus transformed the body into an empty phial, carefully tucking it away into his robes.

Just as Severus was about to leave, he heard footsteps. As quickly as possible he stepped deeper into the shadows, wand out ready to attack if needed to. Hiding in the darkest corner, Severus cursed himself for not choosing to hide behind the rubbish bin that would at least hide his scent when he saw that it was Remus and Arthur approaching the alleyway. Both of their wands were lit at the tips with Lumos, most likely searching for Alastor's body. In his panic Severus had also forgotten that he could have changed into his Animagus form. So if they saw him, they wouldn't know who he was, just a strange looking wolf-dog. But it was too late now, Severus stayed as silent as he could, fearing that not only his scent would give his position away, but the beating sound of his own heart.

And maybe it did, maybe it was his scent or his heart or perhaps both, because Remus suddenly stopped, looking straight at where Severus was hiding, nostrils flared, his eyes golden and Severus knew he'd been found.

Remus bent over to Arthur, muttering something to him who nodded with a frown as if he were disagreeing with what Remus was telling him, but then he Disapparated. The noise of Arthur's sudden departure echoed in the alley, and once it died out, Remus slowly turned his attention back to the direction where Severus was hiding.

Severus stayed as still as possible as he watched Remus raise his wand up, his eyes were even more golden than before, breathtakingly beautiful, causing Severus' breath to catch in his throat for a moment. Then it returned with anxiety as he saw what Remus was covered in. In the glow of Remus' wand light, he could see the dark stains of blood on his robes. Severus wondered if that was Remus' own blood or from the Harry he had caught in the air or blood from any of the Death Eaters he had battled with.

"I know you're there, come out! Keep your wand up where I can see it!" Remus shouted, his voice echoing through the shadowy darkness.

Severus cursed under his breath, realizing he had no choice.

"Come out!" Remus shouted again.

Severus took a deep, shaky breath, then stepped out of the darkness, walking slowly towards Remus as he quickly pulled his face into the mask of his Death Eater facade. Making sure his eyes were cold and full of hatred and annoyance at being found and back to a corner, making sure his lips were curled into the cruel smile he once had for Remus long ago when he once hated him. But he kept his wand lowered to the ground because Remus had his own wand pointing straight at his heart. Severus wasn't afraid, he kept walking slowly until he was a short distance away. He could see Remus' wand hand trembling slightly. It left Severus wondering if Remus would even be able to attack him.

All they could do was stare at each other. Severus noticed Remus' mouth looking a bit fuller, the pointed ends of sharp fangs poking out a bit. Remus was fighting over control with his wolf. Those golden eyes avoiding looking straight into his own dark eyes as if Remus couldn't bare to see the monster shining through them, perhaps Severus was a monster for choosing to murder Albus and hurting Remus and Harry in the worst possible way…for choosing Albus' stupid and brilliant plan over his family…for choosing to lose them…and then Severus was inwardly spiraling. His breaths became a bit shorter. His heart was pounding and pounding. His palms were suddenly slick with sweat, yet he still held on tightly to his wand, still keeping it aimed to the ground. Severus was successful in keeping it all hidden, talentedly keeping his mask on. He pulled himself out of his panic, shoving those thoughts away. Severus could spiral in them later when he was alone in his bed. Not now, not when those golden eyes were on him, not when Remus was so close to him and Severus was supposed to be the monster Remus and Harry now thought he was.

"Alastor's body, where is it?" Remus' voice shook at first, then grew strong enough to end with a growl.

When they were together, there were moments when Severus couldn't read Remus and sometimes, there were moments when he was an open book to him. Severus tried to read the pages of Remus in his eyes, trying to see if there was anything that would tell him how Remus was doing since the night of the betrayal. But there was only anger. If Remus wanted to curse him, then Severus would allow it. He couldn't bring himself to aim his wand at Remus like this, without the chaos of battle around them, couldn't make it seem so personal, after everything, that was the one thing he couldn't do.

But he still had to keep himself in check and stay as a Death Eater.

Severus glared at Remus, keeping his gaze steady… His heart was breaking. He was inwardly screaming at what he was doing… His lips curled into a sneer as he stepped closer and closer until the tip of Remus' wand was pressing uncomfortably into his chest, his heart beating for Remus underneath it.

"Don't you dare move anymore!" Remus growled, fangs flashing.

"Are you really going to curse me, Remus?" Severus asked, his voice sneering, hiding everything. Heart still beating for Remus and only Remus and Remus didn't know, might never know.

"I will if I have to," Remus answered.

Remus was so close to Severus, so close since that last night they'd spent together. So close that Severus could smell the scent of Remus' drying sweat from the battle, of the blood he was covered in. But there was more, and Severus wanted to just pull him in and kiss him but he didn't. He couldn't, he didn't have that right anymore. Remus was not his to kiss anymore…

And oh that thought, that thought…

Severus couldn't linger on it so it was the scents he focused on. The ones underneath all of that blood and sweat. If Severus closed his eyes and focused his senses on Remus and only Remus then perhaps he'll be able to find them… The scents of chocolate and books, of coffee and a cabin in the woods, of wool sweaters and muggle ink pens and a muggle notebook that kept the songs Remus loved writing. Severus wondered if Remus had written anything new since the last time they were together.

The tip of Remus' wand shifted against his chest, breaking him out of his thoughts, and Severus knew Remus wasn't sure if he could curse him. Remus' entire body was shaking. He stared into Remus' golden eyes, trying not to remember how they once looked at him with such love only for him, the intensity as great as the hatred and anger and fear for Severus glowing in them right now.

I'm not who you think I am, I'm not the monster in this war… Or maybe I am for throwing what we had away, for throwing you away for the greater good, but I had no choice! I still love you, darling! I still love you, I still love you! That hasn't changed, don't look at me like that, please it's killing me, it's killing me and I can't take it!

That plea was on the tip of Severus' tongue, it was what he really wanted to say. He had to clamp his jaw shut to prevent it from slipping out. There was too much at risk in those words. It was too early to tell them to Remus, too early to tell him everything because Severus planned to, he couldn't live like this forever. He couldn't do it, it was too hard. Fuck Albus and his secrecy, Severus had to at least try to fight for Remus, to trust him with the truth, something Albus never considered, but not yet. There were too many things that had to happen first.

"Where's the body?" Remus asked again, a bit more stern this time, more desperately.

"I don't have it," Severus said with cold defiance.

Remus frowned at his answer, the whole time he'd been avoiding Severus' gaze, but this time he looked. Severus knew Remus was searching for him, trying to find him. Golden desperation and pain finally showed itself to Severus and all he could do, all he could give back were the cold dark eyes of his Death Eater mask. No trace of the Severus Remus wanted to find, no trace of the Severus Remus had fallen in love with. The book in those golden eyes opened and Severus read the pain, the agony, more desperation, the loss. He felt Remus' wand press harder against his chest, so hard Severus had to stop himself from gasping out with discomfort, afraid it may break his skin and stab him through his already wounded heart. It probably wouldn't even make a difference to the pain it already was in.

Severus couldn't look at Remus' eyes anymore. He broke eye contact, looking down at Remus' wand instead. Golden eyes still burning into him, Severus laughed to hide the agony he was in, to chase away the temptation to just wrap his arms around Remus and never let go.

"Go ahead and do it, wolf."

Remus flinched at what used to be a term of endearment, Severus felt it.

"Curse me, kill me if you want, you have the upperhand. It's your decision."

"Oh, fuck you!" Remus snarled. "Just tell me where Moody's body is, tell me!"

Severus couldn't answer him, he hadn't prepared for this. He couldn't say anything, and he saw how his silence was killing Remus inside, and for that, Severus hated himself. It was a tidal wave of self-hatred. Remus was hurting because of him, and he wanted to stop it, needed to stop it, had to force himself to stay silent. The silence he hated, now he was so afraid that if he spoke another word then everything would come out and he would let it all go, crumble to the floor and beg for forgiveness he wasn't deserving of.

"Just fucking tell me, Snape!" Remus' voice cracked with the pain he was so determined to hide, now it was spilling out, echoing down the dark alleyway.

But Severus stood his ground, stayed silent. He didn't want to lie, but perhaps the silence was worse than the lie. He just couldn't reveal anything, couldn't tell Remus that Moody was transformed into an empty phial and tucked away in his pocket, sitting between their beating hearts.

Severus slowly reached up, wrapping his fingers around Remus' shaking wand and forced it down, away from his chest.

"Remus," Severus said his name so softly.

Remus closed his eyes, inhaling and letting out a shaky breath. Then he shook his head, stepping back.

"No," he whispered, tears suddenly falling down his cheeks. "No, no, I can't do this," was all Remus said. His broken voice followed by a loud crack of Disapparition, leaving Severus alone and finally crumbling down to his knees on the cracked and broken pavement.

A/N: Enjoy this long chapter, sorry this took so long to post! My bday was in July and I took a week-long trip to Laguna beach, some of this was typed in front of an ocean view! Anyways, the next update should be due around the end of September!

Review Responses:

Imaginer.012: Molly is the only one who can get Remus to take care of himself haha, and I know it's frustrating with Remus but we can't blame him, he's just having a hard time. And as always thank you for your kind review, take care of yourself as well, and I hope you like my next update!

Bluemoonwrites: lol thank you so much for loving my story! And I love surprising my readers! Enjoy my next update! This one's for you!

CityGirl7768: ooh i'm so sorry for the end of this new chapter, it's most likely going to break you too, I was in tears writing it over and over until it was just right. Thank you for your review! As always they are appreciated!

BlueWater5: Yeah, Severus just hurt him in the worst way possible, his trust is not going to be easy to earn back. Thanks for your review!

Bluemoonwrites: How did you know I was going to update today? Lol