A/N: Well, I thought I was out, but the site pulled me back in...for now.
Hopefully it stays fixed.
If this chapter gets a ton of feedback -hopefully it will!- then I'll do my best to ensure an earlier update.
In other news depression's starting to hit real hard these days. Sometimes I wonder why I do anything at all. I can't claim to understand what's going wrong with my head. I don't even know why! One moment I'm fine, then my mood craters for a few hours, then I'm back again for a bit, and the cycle repeats. Its rather annoying; as though I've become a prisoner in my own mind sometimes. Sure, what's one more mental problem on the pile. Not like I don't have enough, what with already being this old. Feels like every day is a battle sometimes. My doctor is of no help at all.
*siiiigh* Don't mind the rambling of this geezer...
Alrighty, then I've kept you waiting long enough. As ever, I own no quotes, references, themes, or memes. Not a wit or a one!
Seriously. I mean that. They're tributes to legends far greater than a measly writer like me...
Hope this chapter makes you smile, and have a great day~!
"For crying out loud! Both of you need therapy and I am NOT the one for the job, but I'm who ya got!
No one is leaving this room until you two compromise!
So sit the hell down. Shut up. AND TALK!"
~Dragons.
Demigods Need Therapy
Forcing Radahn and Malenia to the negotiating table was the easy part.
Getting them to talk without drawing their weapons?
Not so much!
In the hours that followed, Naruto found himself forced to play mediator between the not-so-dynamic-duo more than once; ever interceding as petty grievances were aired, constantly soothing frayed tempers lest harsh words become harsh blows or worse. It was only the promise of mutually assured destruction that kept them from storming out, and even then, only just.
Honestly, it was like herding cats!
If said cats were two devastatingly dangerous demigods capable of unquantifiable feats of destruction.
But sure, cats. Lets take that analogy and run with it.
Makes them sound less terrifying.
Ironically, Malenia soon proved herself the more placid of the duo in this; her compliance made all the more complicated by the fact that she kept staring at him for reasons he couldn't understand. He'd caught her eye, and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing. It made her more amenable to him if nothing else.
By contrast Radahn looked downright mutinous; he refused to release the stars no matter what Malenia might say.
Together they could probably take him if they really wanted to, but the trick was not letting them realize that. He was in charge here, he was in control, he had the authority. He'd nuked a mountain and forced the to the table-literally!-now it fell to him to keep them there no matter the cost, because if he didn't, Caelid was going have a battle it wouldn't soon forget.
Low consequences, right? Nothing to worry about, not him, no sir. He had this all under control...
.
..
...ah, jeez!
These people needed serious therapy!
Aaaaand just like that, his head was spinning from all this stress again!
But they were both looking to him to continue the talks, such as they were, and so it fell to him.
"Alright," he began apropos of nothing, "Lets try a different angle. What do the two of you want here, exactly?"
"I?" Malenia blinked, somewhat taken aback by the question. "I already told-
-me, yes, I know." he waved her down before she could build up steam. "But not him." He swept a hand to Radahn. So lets start at the beginning, shall we?"
To his great relief Malenia took his words to heart...albeit just a touch too literally for his liking.
"Well, I always despised Radahn for refusing to carry me on his back when I was a child-
The larger demigod flung up his arms. "Because you were much too small! I was afraid you would fall!"
"Everyone is small compared to you, you great big bas-
Naruto slapped his forehead. "Alright, alright. Lets not go that far back! I meant more recently...
Malenia crossed both arms, false and otherwise, over her bosom and made a huffy noise. Actually huffed at him as though this were all somehow his fault! It made her seem younger somehow; downright childlike in fact. This was the vaunted Blade of Miquella? She who had "never known defeat"? Where was the warrior woman Placidusaax and the others had warned him not to cross at all costs? He didn't see her.
"Very well." Her lips pursed in a mulish line. "I seek Miquella."
Radahn glared back. "I do not have him."
She nodded once. "I know you don't, else we would be having this conversation at bladepoint. I demand that you lend me your aid in my search for him."
"Demand, do you? Some things never change, I see. My turn." the general leaned forward to glower at her. "Why do you really want me to stop holding back the stars, sister? No more lies."
Malenia huffed. "You would call me a liar?!"
The giant grunted. "I'm certainly not calling you for supper!"
Naruto coughed pointedly and leveled a stern on them both. Much to his surprise, she looked away.
"Radahn is a brute." the words escaped her lips, rising in a decidedly childish whine. "He won't understand."
"Then be a good girl and explain yourself."
Malenia grumbled under her breath and scuffed a false foot against the ground. Her sulk availed her naught, nor did his stare waver. It was becoming abundantly clear to him that no one had ever taken a firm hand with this girl in her life before; although to be fair, few could. She was an Empyrean, daughter of Radagon, and afflicted with a curse that not only rotted her blood but made it terribly dangerous for anyone to even stand in her presence, much less touch her. She was a ticking time bomb in every way and yet...he pitied her.
Because you see, Naruto knew.
He knew what it was to be born with a power you'd never asked for; to be cursed with a great burden that both empowered you and dragged you down, made you lesser than what you were. They were similar in that regard, Malenia with her Scarlet Rot, and him with this damn dirty fox inside him. They lived their lives as a fine balancing act; each forced to walk a fine tightrope of control or risk disaster. She might even be worse off than him; at his lowest point, the worst that he had to fear was a bit of wanton destruction and loss of control before someone knocked some sense back into him. Malenia could taint an entire continent if she wasn't careful...
...Miquella and I wish to revive Godwyn." she said at last. "We attempted the ritual once before and it failed because you were holding back the stars."
"You wish to revive him?!" Radahn burst to his feet, eyes wide. "Have you taken leave of your senses?! He is dead! To restore him now...it wouldn't be the same. It would be an abomination."
"His flesh lives, but his soul does not." She stared him down. "I thought you of all people wound understand after what happened to Ranni."
Ranni? Naruto turned to face Radahn. "Okay, this is good. We're making progress. Why don't we talk about.
"Do not speak her name!"
He sighed. "Or not."
"Whyever not?" Malenia tilted her head, reminding him of a lioness ready to pounce. "Could it be that you feel some guilt for what happened that night?"
The larger demigod leaned back with a sputter. "I had no part in that madness!"
She rolled her eyes at him. "Your reaction says otherwise."
"Only out of anger that you would even consider it!"
"And why wouldn't I?" Malenia languidly crossed one leg over the another and thumbed her chin. "Ranni trusted Rykard should her scheme fail, why not you? What secrets did she whisper in your ear before the Night of Black Knives, I wonder? What dastardly deeds might you be plotting even now?"
"There are no deeds! Radahn thumped a fist against the table. "She told me nothing! If she had I would've stopped this madness before it began!"
Malenia was relentless, never giving him a chance to compose himself. "Just as you wished to save your sister, I wished to save my brother. The only difference being that I will succeed. Over your cold, rotting corpse if I must-
Blades came out.
"None of that!" Naruto slammed another spear of red lightning down between them. "We're hear to talk, not fight! Don't you dare!"
Radahn and Malenia glowered at one another, scowling over the scarlet sparks, and refused to speak.
Right, guess it fell to him again. "Neither of you want to destroy Caelid, do you?"
"What?" Radahn rounded on him, made utterly incredulous. "Of course not!"
Malenia was silent for a moment. "...if it is for Miquella's sake, I would-
Nope. Nuh-uh. Not having any of that nonsense now!"
Naruto raised his hand igh and closed his eyes.
Counted to three, now Then-
WHAP!
He rounded on the tall woman and smacked her flank with an open palm, drawing a decidedly girlish shriek form her. She jerked back with a scowl, clutching her bottom with both hands. Any dignified mien she might've possessed in that moment shattered like the Elden Ring itself. Her blazing blush certainly didn't help any.
"What was that for?!"
"For being a bitch." he gave her posterior another whack that had her yelping like a schoolgirl as she scrambled away. "I know tensions are high, and emotions higher, but that's no reason to be mean. Stop it."
Her eyes narrowed. "I am not being a bi-
WHAP!
He spanked her a third time and she recoiled, hustling herself into a corner where he couldn't get at her. More fool she!
"Yet again?! What was that one for?!"
"Because I told you to stop." he brandished his open palm at her like a blade. "You didn't listen. Don't make me take you over my knee."
Radahn made a bemused noise, low and deep in the back of his throat. "She'd probably enjoy it."
"No peanut gallery from you, buddy." Naruto sighed and jabbed his elbow backwards.
The general doubled over, nearly folding in half as he clutched at his gut.
Was it really that easy to cow them so?
"Now, then." He looked between the winded Radahn, and Malenia, the latter's face downcast and red as her hair, breath escaping her in little startled gasps. "Are the two of you quite done?"
Malenia muttered something under her breath. He caught the tail end of it. Why, it almost sound like:
"...harder, daddy."
Radahn fell out his seat!
Naruto's brow shot into his hair. "Excuse me?!"
"Nothing." She claimed her seat quickly and tugged her helm down over her eyes to hide.
"Ohhh?" Radahn rumbled a laugh as he reclaimed his chair. "I'm fairly certain I heard something."
She glared golden daggers at him. "You most assuredly did not."
Not opening that can of worms!
..if you say so."
In that instant Naruto sensed a spark of anger from outside the tent, both from Tomoe and the still hidden Melina in her astral form. Seemed he wasn't the only one with sharp ears. He had the strangest feeling he was in danger. Not his fault! He'd done that to throw her off balance and he had specatcularly. Mission accomplished. He couldn't negotiate from a weaker position, he had to keep these two demigods off their game and on the back foot. They wouldn't dare attack if they couldn't predict him. All part of the plan, right?
Nah. He was totally winging it. Hooray for failing upward!
"Look," he pinched the bridge of his nose to stave off the beginnings of a migraine, "Your're both related, right?"
Radahn and Malenia exchanged a long lingering look between one another. The latter spoke first. "We share the same father, yes."
His temper, already strained, began to fray once more. "Then why the hell are you fighting each other?!"
They jolted, unprepared for his shout.
"Surely you realize you're stronger together." he shook a fist at them. "I dunno how families work here, but I know I would've killed for a little sister and nothing on this green earth would have harmed her. You're family!" A snarl tore out of him when Radahn made to speak. Family means no one gets left behind. You want to protect the Lands Between. And you," his gaze snapped to Malenia, now looking mutinous in place of Radahn. Want to save your brother. Lets say you kill everyone that needs killing. What comes after that?
"We wish to rule." Malenia hazarded. It almost sounded like a guess.
"And protect the Lands Between?" he prodded.
...yes?" that was definitely a question!
A vein began to throb in his temple. "And in what manner would either of you rule?
The silence that followed wprovedas stifling. Worryingly so.
'Ohhh, you have got to be kidding me.'
Surely they'd thought of this.
Hadn't they?
"Have you thought about it?" He tilted his head. Because that's what comes after. "Once all your enemies are dead, you have to rule. Maintain peace and stability in the realms, that sort of thing, ya know? You can't keep fighting forever." Their silence said otherwise. "You can't possibly be that stupid about this."
Malenia tried to rally. "I would provide a home for the lost and the forgotten at the Haligtree-
"And how do you aim to do that with the Scarlet Rot?"
She winced. "Then I would find a cure-
"With or without Miquella!"
"With, of course!"
"You should focus on curing yourself and finding your brother first. Splitting yourself between all three tasks helps no one. And you." Now it was Radahn's turn to wilt under his roasting gaze. "How would you rule?"
"I would do as Great Godfrey did before me."
Conquer and kill?" He silenced him with three words. "Why the long face, Radahn? Because that's what your "Great" Godfrey did. Didn't do much in the way of ruling, as I recall. He slaughtered the enemies of the Golden Order while Marika ruled. And then, when there were no enemies left to fight, what happened to him...?
Radahn's claw clenched. "You need not remind me."
"I think I do! You're treading the same path as him, only difference being, there's no one here to slap your wrist and say-
-stop." He held up a hand. "I see your point. I am a warrior, a general. I do not know how to run a kingdom. But the Lands Between is my home. I will protect my home."
"Well said." Malenia rallied. "You cannot expect us to do nothing."
"I'm not telling you to do nothing," came the rejoinder. "I'm asking if either you really want to rule, or if you simply think it is expected of you."
They made a study of the floor. It was answer enough.
"Ruling is the least of my intentions." Malenia said at last. "Miquella would be better suited to it than I." she looked to Radahn, and he almost dared to hope. "If you would consent to let my army pass yours by and aid me in my search for Miquella. I would be willing to...compromise." she choked out the last word. "Would that suffice?"
Radahn sat a little straighter. "It would sister. I would be more than happy to aid you in such a quest."
Naruto released a breath he hadn't realized he'd truly been holding. Was this it? Had he done it?
"There we go. Crisis averted, you made up. You don't need your great runes now, do you?"
Radahn heaved a sigh. "...I am a man of my word.
As he looked on the giant general touched a hand to his chest and yanked. It came away in a shower of light, a great gilded golden thing bearing a slash through its side. He seemed no weaker for it, and offered it to him willingly. The blasted thing was almost larger than his hand and still thrumming with fresh power. He tucked it away into his pouch for safe-keeping.
Malenia was not so simple. "What need do you have of these Great Runes anyway?"
His face burned. "Promise not to laugh at me and I'll tell you."
Radahn nodded. "You have my word."
"Mine as well," Malenia said.
'Well, shit. Here goes...
"I'm going to save the world."
Neither made so much as a sound.
They just stared at him, as if he'd somehow grown a second head.
In the end, Radahn was the one to find his voice first. "You honestly believe you can?"
He stood his ground, refusing to falter beneath their gaze. To give ground now was to die. "I do."
Radahn shook his head. "You believe those words. There was a time when I too, thought I could do the same."
"I know I can." Was that prideful of him to say? Maybe. "Because I have help. We've already beat Godrick and that oaf Godefroy.
Malenia dithered, clutching one hand to her bosom. "Could I relinquish mine in a few days time? There is," she squirmed a little under his gaze. "There is something I still need to do and I require the Great Rune for it. I swear on Miquella's name that I will yield it to you in three days time. And...well...
She leaned down.
Something sizzled against his cheek, leaving a faint tingling sensation behind. Stunned as he was, it took him a moment to realize what she'd done.
By then, Malenia had already bolted, taking her chance to flee for what it was and running for the hills.
Radahn sighed." Of course she would fall for the first fool to actively discipline her."
"You callin' me a fool?"
He laughed. "A fool, yes, but a brave and noble one nevertheless. Perhaps this world needs a fool to save it."
He snorted. "Even if said fool works with dragons?
"Even then."
A thought struck him. "About what you said? Is she really-"
"No, no, no!" Radahn shouted over him." I like you my friend, but I'm not getting between the two of you. I wish you good fortune in the wars to come."
His brow furrowned. "Why's that?"
"You may... not find the rest of our kin so amenable to reason."
"Yeah, he scratched the back of his head, "I figured."
With them dealt with that left Morgott and Mohg, Ranni, Rykard, and of course to the missing Miquella to say the least.
Still, it was progress. He had one Great Rune in hand and another had been promised to him. Placidusaax would be pleased, surely.
He stepped out the tent, feeling like he was on cloud nine.
Lansseax was waiting for him outside.
She didn't look much pleased.
Not a bit.
She was presently dangling Tomoe and a terribly frightened Melina by the scruffs of their necks.
"There you are, son of mine!" her smile was all teeth. "The old man wants a word.
Naruto managed but two words. "Ah, crapbaskets...
A/N: Aaaand scene.
Well? Should this remain a story? Yay or nay? Your feedback matters! That's no joke. Reviews keep me writing.
Once more, we're sticking with the "Embers" rule for this particular story, and others. If folks don't like this, it will remain, but won't be continued. Meaning that if the story itself ain't popular...well, I'll not be able to continue it. I'm working two jobs -taking on a third soon!- so I barely have time to write; as such, I cannot afford to write something folks don't enjoy.
So by all means, speak up! Your voice matters! Make yourself heard! As ever, reviews are the fuel that sustain me. Without them I cannot write a single word. Simple as that. Working nearly all hours of the day keep me absurdly busy, and I can't bring myself to write something folks don't like.
Aaaand there we go. As ever, reviews keep me alive. Without them, I cannot write. So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...
...Review...Would You Kindly? And have some previews, which are mostly the same.
We're keeping it light this time to avoid spoilers.
But just in case! SPOILERS AHOY!
(Previews)
Lansseax tittered. "She is smitten. How amusing."
"I admit, I am impressed. I did not foresee such an outcome."
"Quiet. I don't wanna talk about it.
"LET ME OUT!"
"No." Naruto palmed his face. "Not yet."
"You're mad! I won't allow it!"
...wasn't askin', Tomoe...
She grabbed him by the face and kissed him.
"TOGETHA!"
"Hey, is it blasphemy if I let the fox eat the snake...? He's getting hungry.
Rykard whimpered.
"Ah, there you are. I've been waiting for some time."
Malenia was waiting for them, a pack slung over her shoulder. She'd cast aside her helmet, revealing piercing golden eyes and a most inquisitive expression. She looked...younger without her armor. Still terribly tall, but more at peace than she'd been since he had seen her last, and all the healthier for it.
She saw him looking and smiled, a small subtle thing that made his heart race.
"Here. My Great Rune, as promised. I no longer have need of it."
"Shall we go?"
EDIT: Hey, you made it!
Once more, we're sticking with the "Embers" rule for this story, and others. Meaning folks don't like this, it won't be continued. If the story itself ain't popular/well-received...well, I won't be able to continue it. I'm working two jobs -taking on a third soon!- so I barely have time to write; as such, I cannot afford to write something folks don't enjoy.
So by all means, speak up! Your voice matters! Make yourself heard! As ever, reviews are the fuel that sustain me. Without them I cannot write a single word. Simple as that. Working nearly all hours of the day keep me absurdly busy, and I can't bring myself to write something folks don't like.
Looking forward to chatting with you all when I get back from work!
Hope you all have a great day~!
R&R~!