Chapter 38

I wish I could say
Thank you for all the mistakes
Thank you for all of the pain
I guess somebody else's loss is another's gain
I'm sayin' thank you to the one who let her get away. —One, Lewis Capaldi

Edward

I divided my attention between finding source material for a report and this breath-taking brunette I noticed staring at me as the librarian pointed me in the right direction. She looked familiar, with long dark hair and large brown, sensitive eyes. I recognized her face from somewhere, but I couldn't figure out where or when we might have crossed paths.

She gathered her belongings to leave the library when a loose-leaf paper slipped from her binder and went gliding to the carpeted floor, softly settling behind her as she walked away.

"Pss." I waved to get her attention, but she wouldn't acknowledge me and continued out the door.

I headed over to retrieve the document for her. It lay face down beneath the vacated wooden table, a writing, a poem. I should have stopped reading when I comprehended its private nature, but I didn't.

A Poem Called Jake
Written by

One day I hid my heart from you a long time ago.
Though, you were often near, my heart would never know.
You held the power to hurt me; it happened times before.
It took all the strength I had in me just to close that door.

I guess my guard was down that random summer day.
Because when you smiled at me, I was swept away.
And once the door was open, I longed for your arms.
I longed to hold and kiss you and melt within your charms.

You took me to the beach, a night I never will forget.
We made it our secret, moments I still do not regret.
It was the first time that you held me and gave me my first kiss.
At the time, I couldn't guess, you'd disappear like this.

Beneath a liar's moon, you waltzed back in my life.
I gave back my heart amidst the fire and the strife.
Sweet lips touching mine. You convinced me. "One more try."
Here one day and gone the next before I could blink an eye.

I knew what I was getting into before I returned your kiss.
If I'd known then what I know now, I would have made myself resist.
But I crumbled with your touch, became foolish and unsure.
I had to stay inside your arms; they seemed my only cure.

Forever I have loved you, almost believed you shared the feeling.
Once again, you put me away. It was my soul chance was killing.
A pathetic little soul crushed from all the times we've parted.
Paying for the fight I lost, the fight that never should have started.

Then you just walked away—unhurt, unharmed, unfazed.
You left me devastated, thoughtless, and betrayed.

I know I'll never have you, and I know we'd never make it.
And yet, these dreams, they keep coming. This feeling, I can't shake it.
Makes it hard not to hope someday our love will come to power.
And all the dreams I have of "us" will wake, live, and flower.

But you don't feel the same as me. It's a fact I can't deny.
So, that's why I'm giving up for good. It's time to say goodbye.
I pray I never see you. I pray that this at last will end.
Forever's finally over, Jake. I won't be with you again.

Dreams die.

Wondering about her, and so I could return her belongings to her, I chose a student at a table near where the attractive author had been working. The dolled-up platinum blonde gazed upward from her sitting position as I approached. "Hi." Having been introduced to this girl during the past week, I searched to remember her name. "Lauren."

Shifting in her chair and straightening her slender body tall, she smiled, pleased I remembered her. "Edward."

"Yes, I'm wondering if you could help me?"

"I'll do my very best." She fluttered her lashes.

"Could you please tell me who that girl is that was sitting right there?" I showed her who I was referring to by turning my head to the empty chair. "She left this behind." I lifted the paper.

Lauren stretched her neck. Assuming I wanted to share it with her, her lips turned up at the corners in enthusiasm. I knew Lauren's type—dated Lauren's type on plenty of occasions—and some of these beautiful, innocent angel-faces contained atrocious mean streaks. I brought it back toward my chest.

Her upward turned lips straightened back to normal. She flipped her curled, long hair over her shoulder, slightly rolling her eyes, and said, "You mean Bella Boring?" with a certain amount of emphasis on the letters b.

I pulled back, puzzled. "Excuse me?"

"Bella boring Swan," she said again, emphasis on the second b.

"Swan? As in... Emmett Swan?" Emmett was the best football player on Forks High's football team, which I had recently joined. He was All State last year from what they told me. So, I knew him just from practicing with him.

"I know, huh? Super hard to believe, isn't it?"

My God! This girl seemed like a bitch.

Later in the evening, as I worked on my homework, Alice, my stepsister, came into the study. "Edward, do you have one of those big erasers? This algebra assignment is killing me."

Alice was once my neighbor slash classmate until my father married her mother and turned us into a version of today's modern family. It's how we ended up in Forks. My dad, Carlisle, exchanged his prestigious position at the Olympia Medical Center in Port Angeles to open a smaller family practice in Forks, so he could dedicate more time to being a family man.

I displayed the pink most-valuable tool when performing algebra up in the air, then placed it on the other side of the table nearest her.

She came over and plunked into the chair across from me. "God, it's only the first week of school, and I'm already struggling in Algebra II. We're only working on assignments that should be a review from last year. Problems we should have already learned in Algebra I. Honestly, I don't know how I will pass this class. I've forgotten everything from last year."

I lifted my eyes from the report I was typing on the laptop. "If you want my help, just ask."

"Help, please."

"All right. Give me a few minutes to finish this up."

Only a few seconds passed, and she asked, "What is this?"

I looked up as she elevated the upper corner of the paper I left resting atop the books I had checked out from the library.

"A girl by the name of Bella Swan..." I stopped talking to complete my thought, getting it down on the page before I lost it... "left it in study hall today."

"Edward, you shouldn't have this... This is... personal." Her declaration came in the tone of shame on you as she read on.

Suddenly conscientious, I stopped what I was doing and reached across the table, placing a flat palm on the face of the paper and nudging it from her fingertips and back onto the books to prevent her from reading further, glaring displeasure back at her. "Exactly."

She complied with my wishes by rolling her chair away from the table. To eradicate any further temptation from her, I took the page, closed it within my notebook, and placed the laptop over the notebook as she watched.

"Well, what are you planning to do with it? You shouldn't keep it. Tear it up and throw it away or something." She seemed bent out of shape over me, having it in my possession.

"Throw it away? I can't throw it away. What if she needs it?"

Her eyes rounded as if remembering something. "You said Bella Swan, didn't you? You're right. She's in my second hour English class, and this is the assignment that is due tomorrow."

Alice sat back, relaxing against the chair. "Problem solved, my lucky little friend. I can return it to her tomorrow before class."

To her surprise, I said, "Thanks, but that's unnecessary. I'll return it myself."

"No, you're not." She smiled as if I were making a joke. My expression remained stoic, causing her to move forward from her laid-back position. She folded her arms over her chest and leaned on the table, judgmental. "And you will do what, exactly? Use it as a conversation starter? Bad idea."

"Of course not. All I want to do is talk to her." I hoped talking to her would jog my memory of where I saw her before.

"Edward, listen to me. As an expert on being female. Plus, knowing the innermost workings of our minds. Bella Swan will not like the fact that you are the person who has this."

I gave Alice's concerns some thought, then removed the page from its hiding place and made a big demonstration of folding it in half before her eyes. "I'll tell her I didn't read it."

She made a face that told me she thought I was being an idiot. "You really think she will believe that?"

Why not? I shrugged. "You underestimate my ability to convince."

"Go right on ahead. She's your enemy to make."

The word enemy was a bit strong.

Observing me and smirking, she asked a teasing question. "Has my little brother been bitten?"

It annoyed me whenever she made a joke out of her being the older sibling; Alice was only two months older than me. I wanted to ignore her remark, but with the way she kept staring at me, I gathered she was serious in wanting to hear an honest answer.

I lifted an eyebrow and glared at her for being absurd. "Rebound guy's not my thing."

Some of you will be happy Edward entered the story. Some may not. I can only say that, even though Edward may have taken the stage, Jacob has not left the building. This is still a Jacob x Bella story.