*DISCLAIMER: I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga and it's characters. This is purely artistic fiction drawn in inspiration from Stephanie Meyers words.
*WARNING: This chapter contains disturbing imagery, reader discretion is advised.
*This chapter features a POV change.
BELLA POV
By the time we had left the house, the rest of the Cullen's had returned. Carlisle joined Alice and me on our walk, mainly to help me adjust to the drastic changes that came with becoming an 'official' member of the family. He could also answer any questions I might have, although I didn't have any qualms about becoming a vampire in the first place. From the moment I first awoke after my transformation, there were no words to accurately describe how differently I now viewed the world. Life as a newborn vampire was incomparable to what it was as a human. My perception was unparalleled, superlative, and crystal clear. I could smell overwhelming petrichor and how it permeated the woods surrounding us. Minute details that were once impossible to see with the naked eye were now visible with precipitous clarity. Each leaf on every branch, camouflaged and fluorescent insects, miles upon miles of the forest ahead... If I focused, I could hear all manner of creatures scurrying along the underbrush and traversing the trees. Crickets chirping throughout the clearing, and bird wings flapping overhead were painfully loud.
As the sun dipped lower in the sky, it embraced the horizon, like a pair of lovers reuniting after an immeasurable slumber. The soothing, warm light painted the landscape in varying shades of magenta, cerulean, and blush. There was an array of unknown colors hidden within this sunset, ones I'd never been able to visualize before. I was awestruck witnessing the true beauty of nature. My eyes traced the lowest portion of the sky until they met the line of trees furthest away. I observed a clearing ahead where the fleeting rays washed over every inch of the forest floor. A revelation struck me; I needed to see myself in direct sunlight, just once. My flawless skin would shine just as brightly as Edward's in the meadow. Curiosity flooded my thoughts, and I felt a strange urge to run for the first time in my life. What would it feel like? Walking came with a price, often resulting in bruises before, but now—now I could walk, jog... run. I could run without stopping or worrying about falling.
Transitioning from walking into a dead sprint, I pushed off the ground with the balls of my hard feet. My body was eloquently weightless. I'd never felt this agile, or graceful as my old self. Trees and foliage flashed by me left and right, faster and faster with my unprecedented pace. I was obscenely light, nearly floating over the ground with each powerful stride. The sensation of the wind caressing the contours of my cool skin was exhilarating. Strength-wise, I felt incredible. Like I could demolish a fleet of military tanks without so much as a scratch on me. However, I didn't want to test the limits of my newfound force. That time would come sooner than I realized. My heels dug into the ground, and I went to a standstill in a crater of upturned dirt at the center of the clearing. I reached my hands outward in front of me, turning them over to feel the warmth of the sun. The golden curtain of light washed over my pale, semi-translucent, diamond-like skin, reflecting multiple prism columns onto the grass surrounding me. Quietly commemorating the variation of colorful arcs ricocheting off my body, I sighed and closed my eyes in contentment.
The negligible, insignificant layers of humanity were peeling back, exposing more of this breathtaking existence. I no longer worried about the frailty that plagued my past. As a newborn vampire, I was inches away from invincibility. The possibilities were endless. I had the potential to do anything, be anything. The smell of the open air, free of boundaries—this was freedom. I understood what I had been missing as a human, but it hadn't registered yet that I had died to achieve this amelioration. Though I suffered, I couldn't help focusing on what had I given up. When I opened my eyes again, I realized Alice and Carlisle caught up to me and stood at my side.
"How do you feel?" Alice questioned. Her singsong tone was filled with curiosity.
"I feel... good. Better than I ever have," I winced, suddenly becoming too aware of the stabbing ache at the base of my neck, "aside from my throat still burning." I croaked.
"That's the thirst. We will teach you how to hunt." Carlisle added, gently patting my back.
The sun disappeared behind the horizon and the moon, its equally ethereal counterpart, began its long climb into the heavens. Tall grass around the edge of the clearing gleamed in ivory-colored radiance, a thin layer of dew gathered on the rapidly cooling ground. I didn't expect the night to be as clear as day. Even in total darkness, my surroundings were fully illuminated thanks to the help of my heightened senses. Snapping twigs and the crunch of dead leaves sent me on high alert. Following the sound, I jerked my head to the right and locked onto a lone doe. It was wandering along the far end of the valley we stood in. Alice and Carlisle silently exchanged knowing glances, allowing me to stalk my prey alone.
I began my first hunt, stalking my prey from a distance. The grass delicately brushed against my ankles, like running through a field of feathers. Time seemed to slow down as I closed in on the furry animal within the underbrush. The cold touch of the night did not bother me, as my body was immune to the temperature. An owl cooing a few feet away and the skittering of a possum in the opposite direction distracted me. Seconds later, a field mouse thundered by in the folds of the thick wheat. None of it seemed to matter in the wake of the repetitive, alluring thump of the doe's heartbeat. It called to me. I was a cold, calculating predator. All of my senses were expertly honed and meant for this exact moment.
I took my chance, tackling the startled deer before it could dart away. Squeezing it tightly in the tight grip of my embrace, it squirmed and bellowed in vain. Recklessly, the doe swung its hooves in the air, flinging dust and leaves up in the struggle. I steadied the panicked animal, coiling my strong arms around its wide neck. Adrenaline coursed through me, and the window of opportunity was approaching. My determined hands anchored the doe's jaw and jerked it sideways, breaking the bones in the neck and cleanly severing all the main arteries. The dead deer slumped against me, limp in my merciless hold. I killed this animal. The first thing I had intentionally killed. Ever. I cried when my beloved childhood cat had been run over by accident, but this was on another level. The longer I stared down at the lifeless body, any hesitation was replaced by ravenous ambition. The burning feeling in my throat nearly doubled in intensity. Blood.
The ache became unbearable as the seconds ticked on. I fell to my knees and brought the deer's neck to my face, ready to bite into the thickest vein. The moment the doe's fur touched my lips, my jaw instinctively clamped shut, tearing into the sinewy flesh. I felt a pang of remorse stab through my consciousness and did not immediately drink when blood flowed into my waiting mouth. Instead of feeding, I completely withdrew from the animal. I whipped around, gasping and sputtering with the metallic taste on my tongue. Unhinged animosity strangled my resolve, forcing me to return to the carcass. I lifted the deer to my lips once more, fighting my lingering humanity to stomach the fiery liquid. Blood tasted awful at first, akin to licking a dozen wet pennies, but then with my increasing hunger it became utterly delicious. As it trickled freely down the back of my throat, I wanted more. A lot more.
The ache at the base of my neck was throbbing, sizzling with each passing swallow of blood. I fed from the doe until it was depleted of its life force. The amount had not sated my bloodlust but resulted in a futile frenzy. I sprinted deeper into the forest, spring boarding myself into the dense underbelly of the woods. More animals scattered away from my carnivorous presence, taking note of my dark nature. Ducking under tree branches and easily avoiding any obstacles in my way, I searched the forest floor for my next victim. The closest animal with any meanwhile sustenance was a buck, and I hunted it with just as much ferocious abandon as my previous target. Just as efficiently as I had killed the other, I fed upon its still-warm corpse. This time, the blood was piquant, with a robust and complex flavor. I took my time savoring each sip as it eased the heat within my neck, like a blanket stamping out a wildfire.
A tantalizing scent caught my attention after I finished the other deer. My eyes shifted to study the general direction where the smell was coming from. There was a well-lit-up campsite some hundred yards away from where I stood. I knew exactly what that meant. Carlisle and Alice anticipated my reaction, and they caught up with me.
"Bella—no," Carlisle warned, "we don't hunt humans. You know that."
"But I'm so thirsty," I shakily questioned my fleeting willpower. The scent was overwhelming. How could I possibly cope if this was how everyone smelled? I fought off my potent hunger for blood. "N-no. You're right." I attempted to turn back around, shaking the thought out of my head.
The burning in the bottom of my throat returned with vengance, reminding me of what felt like a hot brand scalding my insides in its wake. I exhaled out of habit to ease the pain and struggled with my growing desire—the scent was delectable. My eyes snapped open in a moment of weakness, darting toward the same direction the campers resided. I needed it.
"Bella, think of the consequences." Alice urged, "you'd be hurting someone. Taking them away from their family. Forever." She grabbed my shoulders, her golden eyes boring into mine.
"I k-know," I whispered, clutching my neck. Charlie's face crossed my mind, inducing a painful reminder of the cost. I couldn't give in to this new and tenacious drive, no matter how much it begged me to drain those humans of every single drop.
"We can help. You must resist." Carlisle extended his hand for me to grab onto.
I nodded and accepted his gesture. Both he and Alice guided me far away from the scent of humans and from devolving into a morally corrupt monster. I refused to feed on people. There was no alternative but to keep feeding on animals until the bloodlust ebbed. We continued to hunt, which helped to fill the hollow void within my center. Watching either of them was mesmerizing—they were merciful, yet determined and taught me the best ways to track down my prey. While Alice had been too fast for me to keep up with as a human, I followed her fairy-like movements with ease now. Carlisle wasn't quite as agile as Alice, but he did have an entire foot's difference of height on her and I. Yet another doe came into view as I ran along the forest brush. Even after finishing the last mouthful from this deer, it felt as if I had never eaten in my life. I was starving.
Several bobcats and deer later, the searing pain subsided. Only then was I able to satisfy my craving. The burning had quelled for the moment. I sat down in the grass, staring up at the blanket of brilliant stars twinkling above me. Alice joined me, leaning back onto her palms once she sat beside down. Her eyes were filled with a familiar childlike glee, a look I'd seen before.
"This is a lot better than before. While watching you turn wasn't one of my favorite memories, I'm so glad I can call you my sister now."
I fought back a chuckle and looked up at Carlisle, who, to my astonishment, nodded toward me with father-like adoration. His expression reminded me of Charlie. A divisive thought strangled my calm demeanor; I would never see Charlie again. I was going to live forever and he would die virtually alone. There would be no closure for either of us. As I pictured his face, I spiraled into a deep pool of somber repentance. What could I do to ease his pain? A funeral was beyond the realm of possibility... How would Jacob carry on with pretending I didn't exist? Would Billy be in on it? The situation had become drastically more convoluted, and I was coming to terms with the gravity of my choices.
"Carlisle, can I ask for your advice?"
"Absolutely, Bella. What's on your mind?" He slowly crossed his arms over his chest.
"H-how do I—" my smooth expression crumpled with emotion, "what do we do about my death?"
His brow furrowed with concern, "there are many paths you can take. Either we can stage your death, or you can 'disappear'. However, I must warn you. The latter choice comes with less closure."
"I'm not sure if I can just up and leave." I frowned, "it's hard enough to know I'll never be able to see my parents again. I don't want Charlie—my dad... to suffer. He's going to be all alone now."
"Neither path comes with complete resolution. Immortality tends to come at a steep price." He looked away briefly, "most of us didn't have the comfort of family when we were turned."
"I know. I made this decision, and I'm prepared to pay for it. I know everything won't be perfect." I murmured.
Carlisle looked down at me and his eyes softened, "it does get easier with time. You aren't alone. We'll be with you through the whole process. Eventually, everyone that you know will have passed. Time flows differently for us, it'll feel like a blink."
I nodded, trying to accept this new reality. My only saving grace was that Jacob was still a part of my life. I didn't know what I would do without him. It was still bizarre to me that he imprinted. It permanently altered our relationship, but I was grateful that despite it all, we were able to find a way. Being a newborn, I was unsure of just how different it would be now. What if I hurt him by trying to hug him? Or worse—could I control myself with kissing? Would I still want to kiss him? Alice's remarks about his scent came to mind. I hadn't noticed any immediate difference in how he smelled to me when I first awoke, but I was also more preoccupied with getting my thirst under control. Perhaps he wouldn't smell very appetizing because he was a werewolf. I pushed my trivial concerns regarding our intimacy to the back of my mind and remembered one of the the biggest reasons why I became a vampire.
"Carlisle—there's something else. What about the Volturi?" I asked. "Now that I'm a vampire, that takes care of Jane's demand. But what about Aro's desire for Edward and Alice?"
He was lost in thought. "Aro will come to his senses, he's quite fond of our friendship. I am positive the he will realize it will do him more harm than good to force compliance."
"What if he doesn't listen?" I asked.
"I'm fairly certain it won't come down to that."
"I hope you're right." I fidgeted, wringing my hands out of habit.
We concluded our 'walk' and journeyed back to the house. Everyone was eagarly waiting to greet me aside from Rosalie. The only missing person was Edward. He was probably sulking in his room.
"Wow! Look at my beautiful baby sis, all grown up now." Emmett hooked his overly muscular arm around my shoulders and mussed my hair. I shoved it off and punched his side, he stifled a groan and winced.
"Oh," I processed my actions too slow, "I'm so sorry, Emmett. I'm not used to my new strength yet." I wrapped my arms around myself, attempting to prevent hurting anyone else.
"Nah, you're good. I'm tough, I can take it." He shook off his wince, flexed his biceps, triceps, and shot me a fiery wink. Rosalie rolled her eyes and loudly scoffed. Esme glared at her and she relaxed a minute amount.
"I agree, she looks amazing!" Alice chirped, hugging herself to my side. Her grin quickly melted into a disappointed frown. "Bella, you've torn your dress. We have to get you a new one, you certainly can't be walking around like that."
"If you say so, Alice." I shrugged.
"She was just turned—playing dress up isn't the best course of action, Alice." Rosalie sneered. Her waist-length, pale blonde hair bobbed as she shook her head. I still envied her ethereal beauty. That was right. I wondered about my visible, physical changes. I hadn't had any time to look at a mirror since my transformation.
Alice ignored Rosalie's comment and stole me away to her room. She worked her magic and I was fitted with a new, fashionable outfit. Yet another tight-fitting dress that accentuated my sharp features. I refused the heels she tried to make me wear and instead argued with her about wearing something more comfortable like my old converses. I missed mine. On the way back toward the living room, I caught a glimpse of myself in one of the full-length mirrors in Alice's room and paused.
I couldn't stop staring at my changed reflection. For the first time in my boring, miserable life; I was innately beautiful. I traced over my full, artificially rosy lips and along the contours of my strong jawline. My auburn-tinged tresses fell in wefts of thick, loose curls that framed my face. I threaded my fingers through my hair, watching the silky ringlets gently recoil back into place. My skin was creamy velvet, there were zero freckles that spattered my flawless complexion. I was a complete, blank canvas, expertly sculpted from glittering marble. While I continued to tally the nominal details, an alien pair of eyes stared back at me. Despite their almond shape, and my wispy eyelashes, the irises were similar in hue to the shade of red Victoria's had been, albeit a tad more orange in appearance. It hadn't been long enough for their color to match the telltale shade of topaz the rest of the Cullen's shared. I touched my fingertips to my algid, immaculate cheek and was startled by the sound it made, like scraping granite with a jagged rock. My engagement ring caught my attention, the amethyst stone contrasted with my pale skin. Seeing myself in this light, forced me to ponder how Jake saw me now, especially with the complication of imprinting.
"Admiring the view?" Alice grabbed my shoulders from behind and gently leaned against me.
"Yeah. Just a little." I said quietly.
"I can see why, you were beautiful before but immortality becomes you." I wanted to blush but it just didn't happen. That was an added benefit of no more blood coursing through my veins. No more proof of embarrassment.
"Thanks. I never thought I would look like this. Not in a million years." I peered down into her honey-hued eyes, covetous of their color.
"You'll get used to it." She grinned, locking arms with me. "C'mon, let's go back downstairs. Carlisle wants to talk to the whole family." While we were walking down the hall, Alice paused in front of the door to Edward's room. "That means you, too."
"So I heard, Alice." He replied, a thin layer of ice coated the tone of his voice.
He closed a book he was reading, promptly set it down on the designer couch in his room, and stood in one fell motion. His eyes trailed up to meet mine and lingered a second too long before he glanced away. He said not a single word to me. I assumed he was actively avoiding me since I no longer smelled like his own, personal brand of heroin. We descended the steps and met in the living room with the rest of the family. Edward took longer than us, consciously keeping his distance.
"I know a lot has happened in such a short amount of time. From Alice's multiple visions about the Volturi, to the newest addition to our family," Carlisle paused, his eyes focused on me. "I'm truly grateful to call such compassionate, loving people my children, and of course, I am appreciative of my wife. You must all understand that in the event I can't convince Aro to set aside his worrisome ambitions... that there will be dire consequences that come after it." Esme was leaning her head on his shoulder, clasping his hand in hers. A resolute silence loomed over the living-room.
"We know what to do, Carlisle," Emmett asserted and wrapped his arm around Rosalie, whose perfect face was muddled by a grimace.
"We won't go. This is our home." Alice added. Jasper pulled her into his arms.
Carlisle frowned, "Alice, I understand and agree. I truly hope Aro will appeal to reason but even I can't predict how he will react."
"I'll do it," Edward said, his voice was quiet. Everyone turned to look at him. He hesitated, shoving his hands into his pockets. "So… so you can continue to live your lives uninterrupted. I'm the only one of us without a mate, I'm not opposed to sacrificing myself for the greater good."
"Edward, don't say that." Esme cried, reaching for him.
"It's not like I have anything to live for. I had my chance and ruined it. It'll be better if I do this." He nodded, holding Esme's hands.
"Edward, you don't have to. You're important to us, to this family." Carlisle shook his head.
"Please don't argue. I've had time to think about it, and it will be better this way. If one of us goes, it will appease him for a while."
The room went silent once more. I heard rustling just outside the front door and then a stiff knock on the oakwood. When it opened seconds later, I recognized who it was before even laying my eyes on them. Jacob. All eyes fell to me, and I immediately sensed a wave of unspoken tension. Not in a 'you brought a werewolf here' sort of way, but more so a 'don't eat him' way. The moment he stepped through the opening, I did understand what Alice had been talking about before. Although, I didn't agree with her sentiment. Jacob's scent had indeed drastically changed to me, and he wasn't even standing remotely close. I heard his heart steadily beating inside his chest and it comforted me. He smelled like the forest, cold wind on his russet skin, and strangely enough... sunshine. If I had a heartbeat, it would have been racing. He seemed undeterred and focused solely on me, our eyes met the moment he glanced in my direction.
"Hey, Bells." His range of motion stopped once he stood directly in front of me, and his scent was overwhelming. Suddenly, it was like we were the only ones in the room. I was confused at my physical reaction. Sheer impulse called on me to embrace him, but I knew better than to push the envelope.
"Hey, Jake." I was mechanically nonchalant, but there was obvious emotion in my reply.
"We'll give you two some privacy," Esme made a shooing gesture and the room emptied of everyone except for Emmett, who leaned against the staircase and pretended not to pay attention. He held a newspaper, studying the sports section with a relaxed gaze. Emmett was the only one in the house who could potentially stop me if I couldn't control myself around Jacob. I didn't foresee it being a problem as I wasn't craving blood anymore. That didn't mean it wouldn't creep up on me later the closer we got.
"What did Sam say?" I asked, absentmindedly twirling a lock of my hair.
"Not much but everyone understands now. Even if they didn't, I don't care." His hands tightened into fists and the muscles on his arms became taut. It looked as though he was nervous, I watched the muscle in his jaw tick.
"Are you okay?" I realized I was holding my non-existent breath. It was unintentional.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I want to touch you. Badly. But I don't want to put you under any kind of stress." He softened, and a faint smile painted his full lips.
"Oh..." The wheels were turning, "is that because of what I said earlier?"
He nodded, "I don't want to make it hard on you. I told myself I would give you plenty of space."
"I was thirsty then. I had a lot of blo—" I stopped myself, as I didn't want to disgust him. "I'm not hungry. I think it would be okay now."
He said nothing, and instead enveloped me in his strong arms. The contact was heavenly, it was on another level, maybe another tier of contentment compared to before. His skin was fire against my mine, a familiar burn that I missed. The sound of his heart thundered in my ears, making me realize just how quiet the absence of mine was. It was entrancing, to be near him in this unparalleled state of existence. I pulled back to stare into his sable-hued eyes, studying his pained expression. I was hurting him! Somewhere between hugging him back, I had underestimated the degree of my hold. He didn't say anything… I released him and wrenched from his embrace.
"What? What's wrong?" He wilted, a soft sadness engulfed his features.
"I was hurting you, and you didn't say a word." I murmured.
"It doesn't matter. Bella, nothing matters now that we're together again." He gently grasped my chin and tilted it upwards so I would look at him.
"I don't want to hurt you, it's so easy now. One slip and I might break your bones." I felt the need to cry, but my body did not respond. I was made of stone…
"No, you couldn't. I'm a lot stronger than a normal human, and I heal ten times as fast. Don't worry about that."
"Jake," I huffed, "don't pretend like I'm not dangerous."
"I know you're dangerous, but I'm not afraid. You didn't do it on purpose, you're still getting used to it. You're learning." He rubbed his thumb along the curve of my jaw and the sensation overrode my feelings. I inhaled his scent, and the longer I held my breath, the more it intensified my physical desire. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him in that brief moment. Not with Emmett nearby. That would be so awkward.
"Yes, I am learning. Everything is so different now." I sighed, trying desperately to bury my growing urge.
"Everything, huh?" His brows furrowed.
"No—no. I still love you." I pressed my left hand to his cheek, reveling in the stark contrast in temperature. He held it there, closing his eyes.
"I'm so happy to hear that. I thought…" he sucked in a hiss of air, "I thought I lost you. When you were so quiet and still, I thought you would never wake up."
"I can't imagine." I could remember very little of the pain I endured, only the burning sensation in my veins. It caused an involuntary shiver to run up my spine.
"I'm just so happy you're still here." His voice was brittle, and he hugged me to his chest. The sound of his heart was like a locomotive, smashing against my senses.
"I told you everything would be okay." I whispered into his shoulder.
"Yeah, you did." He laughed, "you're always right."
"Not always," I chuckled, "maybe sixty percent of the time."
We stood still for a very long time, enjoying the silent happiness we shared together. The only problem left was to face the Volturi, and I needed to learn how to fight.
*First, I'm so so so sorry for being gone for a long time! The month of March kicked my butt and I lost all of my progress on the chapter at some point. :(
*Second, this chapter was so hard to write for no apparent reason. My brain had so much trouble. I'm trying to ease back into it. :\
*Third, I am in the process of starting to pick up again after not writing like virtually at all so I hope it's not too rocky. :')