A/N: So…after 18 chapters finally a kiss! Yay! I just hope you guys weren't expecting rainbows and butterflies though. They are at war and there's still a lot of madness they have to deal with, as well as trying to understand just what exactly is going on between them. Even though there are a still a few fluffy moments yet to come, it also gets darker from here. I want to really explore the psychological aspect of their situation and help you understand why they don't just snog each other senseless in the tent in Ron's absence lol. Keep posted and as always review! =)

I'm drowning inside your head

Help me to answer

Help understand

Why it's been so long since we talked like friends

Please, forgive me,

I'm just a man

Whose made mistakes

Stop pretending when they say you're nothing

Are you sad?

Are you holding yourself?

Are you locked in your room?

You shouldn't be.

-"Are You Sad?"- Our Lady Peace

"Please tell me you did that because you honestly wanted to and not because you feel lonely." Hermione whispered.

She had a right to doubt. Things couldn't be this perfect, there had to be a catch. There was no way Harry liked her back, not in the way she wanted him to. Those situations only happened in muggle fairy tales and cheesy romantic movies. This was real life and he was her best friend. The same best friend who had never shown any interest in her in the slightest. The same best friend who broke up with his last girlfriend because he didn't have the time or the mind for a romantic relationship. Yet with all these things, the fact still remained that he had indeed kissed her.

"Of course I wanted to." Harry reassured. "I've been wanting to since Bill and Fleur's wedding."

"I don't understand." Hermione said perplexed. "You never gave me any -"

"I couldn't." Harry confessed. "Not when I realized Ron was falling in love with you."

There was that sore subject once again. Ron.

"Ron." Hermione sighed heavily. "He has a special way of showing his love."

"I know that he has his flaws, and right now all I want to do is give him a good kick in the arse." Harry admitted. "But he does love you, of that I am sure."

"Oh I know." said Hermione nodding. "And that's what makes it so horrible. Apart from the fighting and his habit of sticking his foot in his mouth….the reason we couldn't work out was that I couldn't love him in the way he did me."

"Once we broke up mutually…I thought everything would be fine." She continued. "But soon after I could tell he was just pretending to be fine. And when he left…the words he said."

"That was just the anger talking." Harry reassured her.

"Was it?" Hermione asked in disbelief. "I know the parent thing was the Horcrux talking. But the part of me choosing you…that was all him. He's not as thick as we take him to be."

"What do you mean by that?" Harry inquired.

"He knows." She replied simply.

"Knows what?" Harry asked in confusion.

"The truth." Hermione retorted. "It IS you. It's been you for a while. Apart from me genuinely wanting to stay true to my word and stay with you; the real reason I didn't go with him is that I can't bear the thought of being without you."

Hermione looked him straight in his green eyes for the first time since they had kissed. His face was unreadable and it made her anxious. This was the closest she could ever bring herself to confessing her true feelings. She couldn't say the three words that were yearning to escape from her lips. It wasn't the right time, they had only just kissed, and he had only just heard her true feelings for him. She couldn't just blurt words out and overwhelm him. Especially not when his face was concealing what he was truly feeling.

"And I let him go." She sustained. "Out into the mad world where he can easily be killed! What kind of friend does that? I've failed him. I've failed us all."

"Don't say that!" Harry said firmly, holding her hands. "This was out of your control. He had been waiting for a way out for weeks. This isn't your fault!"

"I feel like it's hopeless." She said wretchedly. "Every time we have a little happiness, it goes away. We haven't achieved anything and we're losing each other. Everything I do…it's pointless because some way or another I screw things up."

"That's not true." Harry disagreed.

He knelt down to see her face better. She was tired and emotionally drained. There was no trace of that smile she had given him a mere hour ago. How was it possible for a moment of happiness to disappear so quickly? The kiss they had shared also seemed to have been forgotten. He wanted nothing more than to confess his own feelings, the way she had shared hers. Yet he knew that the timing couldn't be more terrible. Somehow, Ron had managed to ruin the moment without even being physically present. It was probably always going to be the case. Ron was still an important part of them even with the pain he had caused them. As long as he was against the idea of them being together, as long as he still loved Hermione, nothing would ever happen between Harry and her. That was their terrible reality.

"You've been nothing but wonderful." He whispered. "And it's only because of you that we have even lasted this long. He'll be back and things will sort themselves out. I promise."

That night, regardless of Harry's protests, Hermione had decided to be out on the lookout. Bundled up in her blanket, she stayed just at the lip of the tent. In a way, it was rather pointless for her to sacrifice sleep. Harry had picked an excellent hiding place and she had yet to see any human activity to threaten them. The real reason she had taken her turn to watch was that it would give her time to think, To think about what had happened in the last few hours. Harry had kissed her; she was still not over that. What did it mean for them? Sure Harry had said that he had done it because he wanted to, but how could she be entirely sure. More importantly, why did she even want to know? It's not like anything would happen. Nothing could happen. Not in their current reality. There was a war going on and their futures were bleak. Harry had no time for romance. Neither did she really. Yet she couldn't help but smile as she remembered the sensational feeling of his lips against hers.

It had been quick and sweet, like what a first kiss should be. Ron had only kissed her a few times and she had never felt the spark she did with Harry's. For that, she felt terrible. Ron was right; she had never given him a chance. There was only so much power the mind had over the heart, and even though she genuinely tried her best while she was with him, she couldn't help but wonder when exactly her feelings had changed. There had been a time when she had honestly fancied Ron, even daydreamed of him like a silly little school girl. Normally, she thought that all the resentment toward Lavender and all the rowing that ensued in sixth year was her way of dealing with her feelings for him. When she finally got with him in the summer…that thrill had evaporated. Her hopes of a sensitive and romantic Ron vanished when she saw that they not only continued arguing like old times, but the fights got even worse. It was when she started to see that she couldn't change him that she realized they were going nowhere. He wasn't going to change and in a way, Hermione realized that it wasn't his fault that she couldn't mold him. She met him that way: blunt, insensitive, a joker…and it was foolish to believe he would change just for her. Why should he?

It was then that she made her decision to end things. It had to end before she lost her friend in the process.

She looked over at Harry who curled up in his bunk, fast asleep. A huge, uncontrollable grin spread across her face. There was very little she would ever want to change in him. Harry had always been considerate; he actually listened to her and gave her emotional support when she needed it. He was the closest thing to perfection she could ever get. It was impossible to pinpoint the exact moment Harry had become her universe. That's exactly what he had become. A part of her would always wonder, even with all the turmoil they had and would continue to endure; would she ever become his?

He was walking along a neighborhood he distinctly remembered. At the end of the road was a house that lay in ruins… destroyed by fire. Speed walking, Harry saw the house more clearly and felt a lump in his throat as he realized it was Hermione's house. The dark mark lingered above it as menacingly as it had those many nights ago.

"Come to me Potter" he heard a chilling voice call.

It was Voldemort.

"I've been waiting for you." he whispered.

"Come out and fight me you coward!" Harry yelled back.

As he swiveled around, he found nothing. There was no sign of Voldemort or of any of the neighboring houses. Only the Granger house remained, in its desolate ruins.

"Come in here Potter…I think you'll find a good reason to stop hiding."

Harry walked cautiously nearer to the house. He did not like the tone Voldemort was using and he had only just registered that he was alone. Where was Hermione? Surely not…

"Harry!" he heard her familiar frantic voice.

His heart stopped. He had had her. She was the live bait to lure him this time. He sprinted forward to the house at once.

"That's right Potter." He heard Voldemort sneer. "You're still as weak and predictable as ever."

Harry kicked aside what had once been an ornate door and scrambled inside. He saw Voldemort's black cloak billowing in the wind. He smiled maliciously as he saw Harry's panic-stricken face.

"Hermione!" he breathed in horror.

She was tied up to a chair; her eyes wide open in terror. She was struggling with her binds and he could see she had put up quite the fight. Her hair was disheveled and there were cuts and bruises all around her arms. There was a gash on her forehead that was bleeding profusely and she was looking at him with desperation in her eyes.

"Come now Potter this can't come as a shock can it?" Voldemort said. "This is what happens to all the people you love. Yet you never learn. As long as there's someone you love, you'll have a weakness. Your parents, your godfather, your foolish old mentor Dumbledore, and now your precious little Mudblood is going to join the group."

"Let her go." Harry said through gritted teeth. "You have me here; I'm the one you want."

"That is true." Voldemort agreed. "But I think you've heard that I can be quite sadistic. I've always enjoyed others' weakness."

"Let her go and I will give you my word and give you my wand to end this once and for all." Harry negotiated.

He could see Hermione fighting against her constraints even harder.

"No!" she screamed. "Don't do it Harry!"

"Be quiet Hermione!" Harry yelled back. "This is the best option."

"He's going to kill me the second you're dead!" She cried. "There's no point."

"This is exactly why I've never understood people's fascination with love." Voldemort said laughing. "This whole obsession of sacrificing oneself for another…it's ridiculous. You're a great wizard Harry…a worthy opponent. Had it not been the case that you stand in my way of being the ultimate wizard…I might have considered letting you live."

"Still…you've let your greatness be weighed down by the stupidity of love." He continued pacing, around Hermione. "Here you are, offering yourself to me willingly all in order to save this mudblood."

"Don't call her that!" Harry warned.

"You'll never understand." said Hermione calmly. "You never knew love and I pity you."

"I don't need the pity of a mudblood!" Voldemort yelled.

He whipped around Hermione and yanked her by the hair in a brutish matter.

The action caused Harry to finally whip out his wand and point it directly at Voldemort.

"Let her go!" he cautioned.

Voldemort raised his right hand with ease and with a soft flick of his wrist; Harry's wand flew from his hand.

"I've grown tired of this conversation." He said calmly, as he retrieved his wand. "I think it's time for you to finally wake up and find me when you're ready to fight."

Before Harry could comprehend what was about to happen, Voldemort pointed his wand at Hermione's temple. Hermione looked at him with a peaceful look. She was no longer afraid…she was accepting her fate. It was this more than anything that made Harry's heart fall. With a small intake of breath Voldemort uttered the curse that Harry had hoped would never be directed at Hermione: 'Avada Kedavra'

"NO!" said Harry running towards them.

With one last cackle, Voldemort disappeared in a puff of black smoke and Hermione fell freely from her chair, no longer bonded to it. She fell before Harry reached. As he crashed unceremoniously next to her, he gathered her into his arms. Turning her around, he hoped for what he knew was the impossible. There was no way the spell had missed her. It had been a direct hit. As he brushed her hair away from her face, his worst fears had become reality. Her eyes were glassy and lifeless. They were no longer those warm cinnamon-colored eyes that had made his heart flutter like a Snitch's wings. Her lips would never curve into a smile anymore, and her brows wouldn't crease in frustration. She was gone. He would never again hear her delicate voice utter his name again.

"Harry"

He could still hear it as clearly as if it was happening right then and there.

"Harry!"

With a jolt Harry opened his eyes to see the glorious image of Hermione standing over him with worry.

"Harry what—"

"You're alive!" he said breathlessly. He reached forward and hugged her to him, trying to convince himself that this was his reality and not that horrible parallel he had been in moments ago.

"Of course I am!" she said in confusion, hugging him back as fiercely as he was. "Why would you think I wasn't?"

Harry retrieved his arms and took some deep breaths before he spoke again. It had been a while since he had had nightmares that involved Voldemort's visions or Voldemort himself. They were getting worse, they were terribly realistic now. Did Voldemort somehow know his feelings for Hermione? Was this simply a foreshadowing of what was going to eventually happen to her?

"It's all right." said Hermione sitting on the foot of his bed, brushing his hair off his sweaty forehead. "It was just a nightmare."

"Yeah...a nightmare." He panted. "You're right…I've got to keep him out."

Hermione gave him a small encouraging smile.

"I'll go make you a cup of tea." She said softly.

Harry watched her go. He was relieved that it had just been a nightmare. However, the fact that he had had this nightmare so soon after the sudden shift in his and Hermione's relationship seemed all too convenient. Had he foolishly let Voldemort in?

The next morning, Harry awoke feeling oddly refreshed. Hermione's late-night tea had lulled him into a pleasant and dreamless sleep. After much insistence from Hermione, he had given sleep a reluctant try. He had been afraid to close his eyes and relive the terror again. He didn't want to tell her what he had dreamed of, he didn't want to frighten her. He also couldn't bear to even talk about death even if it had been fictitious. It was too horrible.

"Harry, how are you feeling?" Hermione asked gently.

"Better." He said, only lying by a half.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"No…can't remember." He lied.

"Right…well I wanted to tell you that while I was on the lookout I was reading some books and came across a very interesting find." She smiled.

"Oh really?" Harry asked curiously. "What?"

"Well in 'Hogwarts a History' there's a chapter on the sword of Gryffindor." said Hermione enthusiastically. "And in it, it said that it being goblin made object, the sword is incapable of being rusted. It's also indestructible."

"Okay…that's interesting but…why are you telling me this?" inquired Harry bemusedly.

"As a Goblin made object it takes in what makes it stronger." explained Hermione, unable to control her agitation that Harry did not understand.

Harry looked lost.

"The last time you used the sword was in the Chamber of Secrets." Hermione reminded him impatiently. "Against the Basilisk."

"It takes in what makes it stronger…" said Harry slowly. "That means-"

"The sword is enveloped in basilisk venom!" Hermione interrupted. "You told me that you used its fang to destroy Riddle's diary right?"

"Correct." Harry agreed.

"Horcruxes can only be destroyed by powerful force like Basilisk venom." Hermione enlightened. "If we can find the sword…we can finally destroy the Horcruxes."

"Great…now if only we could find the sword and the rest of the Horcruxes." Harry replied smartly.

The next few days were strange ones. For one, Harry was avoiding Hermione's gaze and they rarely spent much time in the same place together. In the daytime, one would stay in the tent while the other either gathered food or did daily rounds to ensure that there were still safe in their location. Hermione could not understand the sudden change. They rarely talked and when they did, it was usually to talk about 'Beadle the Bard' or other things concerning their hunt. Hermione was even more uneasy when Harry refused to share the Horcrux. He had been wearing it for a week straight and its toll on Harry was evident. She couldn't fathom why he was being so distant and weird. Had he finally realized he had kissed her out of loneliness and not out of desire? It was the only logical explanation she could find.

That night as she fell asleep, it was her turn to face her nightmare. Her dreams were no longer haunted by her parents but by Harry. He had told her their kiss had been a mistake; he had only kissed her by imagining she was Ginny. Even though she knew it was all a figment of her imagination, she felt hurt. Harry's distance wasn't helping the situation either. As a result, she kept it to herself because the comforting Harry she knew was nowhere to be seen. It was a tumultuous cycle of being exultant and being miserable and she did not know how much more she could take. The silence was maddening and something would have to happen, and soon.