"Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It's the courage to continue that counts." —Winston Churchill

/

I don't know why but it's not the look of disappointment on Uncle's face when I betray him in Ba Sing Se that I see when Father's lightning comes racing towards me. Though, that moment, that one fatal decision will haunt me for the rest of my life. It's the look of pure fear on the little boy's face from that backwater Earth Kingdom village, Lee, and then his anger quickly after when I tried to return that damned dagger that haunts me now. I was so angry back then. But now all I feel is shame. I deserve that fear and their anger. I've been no better than my father or Azula.

Well, no more. I can be better. I have to be. For my mother. For Uncle. And, most importantly, for myself. I can't hide or bury who I am anymore. No matter what this decision will cost me.

There's this moment, when I'm redirecting Father's lightning strike, this feeling of euphoria. I've finally made a decision for myself devoid of fear, free from the worry of what my father might do to me this time for defying him. I may be Prince Zuko, Crown Prince of the Fire Nation, son of Fire Lord Ozai. But that man standing before me, surprise and rage morphing his features into those of a monster is not my father. And he never has been. I'm ashamed to admit that it took me this long to realize Uncle has been more of a father to me than my own father has. Spirits my family is so fucked up.

It feels like pieces of me are breaking off and crumbling away bit by bit as I limp out of father's hidey-hole. The feeling intensifies when I discover Uncle has already made his own escape. I have to struggle to fight back tears. I'm betraying everything I have ever known and thought right. Or, at least, have been gaslighted into believing is right. My hands curl into fists and I feel like screaming. Uncle always believed in me. Why couldn't I have believed in myself? All of this could have been prevented in Ba Sing Se. But I chose wrong. Like every decision I've made in regard to the Avatar.

Imperial City is in complete disarray after the Eclipse and the ensuing Invasion. I'm able to slip through the streets unnoticed, heading straight for the airships Azula had waiting in case the invading force attempted to escape the island. I don't really know what I'm doing as I steal a transportation balloon and launch under the distraction of the rest of the fleet heading towards the beach to bomb the submarines. I don't even realize how badly I'm trembling until what I had once called home is far behind me and the Avatar's sky bison, Appa I remind myself, is ahead of me, a mere speck in the distance.

The adrenaline of facing my father and leaving behind any hope I had of being my father's son drains out of me. I can't keep standing anymore. My legs collapse and I land on my knees, struggling to breathe. I gasp, giving up on fighting back tears. The sobs rack my bruised ribs. I can hear Uncle chiding my form when redirecting that lightning. I'd done it though. Bruised ribs aside, I'd redirected lightning! Uncle would be so proud of me! Wait. No, he won't. I lost any right to seek his approval that fateful day in Ba Sing Se. Why didn't I listen to him!

I scream, clenching my fists into the mesh of the flooring of the hot air balloon. I'm rewarded with tiny stinging cuts. But I deserve the pain. I don't deserve happiness. I have so much to make up for, to atone for. I deserve whatever pain and punishment comes my way.

I force myself to my feet. I can't lose the Avatar. I can't even be sure he'll accept my help. But I have to at least try. I owe Aang, Katara, Uncle, even myself that much.

I'm on autopilot. Keep the flames going. Check my heading against the blurred form of Appa on the horizon. But, most importantly, try not to think. Because, if I let myself think, the darkness that has haunted me my entire life threatens to consume me.

I've always struggled being Prince Zuko, Crown Prince, and son of Fire Lord Ozai. I could never be as cruel as Azula or as merciless as Father. I was always going to fail. After all, it's only because of Mother's sacrifice that I'm even alive.

Fresh tears blind my vision. Mother. If she hadn't…if she'd just let Father kill me, she wouldn't have been banished, most likely dead. I didn't deserve her belief in me, her kindness, or what she gave up for me. Not then and definitely not now. I don't even deserve her love. Or Uncle's. I'm such a mess. I don't even know who I am anymore! Maybe now I'll finally have the chance to just be…Zuko.

It's as the sun's setting that I realize where Aang is taking everyone. The Western Air Temple.

I let Appa fade from view as the memories assault me. Uncle there for me. Always there for me. Me, only concerned about finding the Avatar. By any means necessary. Uncle should have left me then and there. I was so rude and disrespectful to him. I never deserved his kindness or devotion. All I could think about was my honor and earning my father's respect back. What an idiot I was. I never needed my father's respect. And I lost my honor all on my own.

I'm so exhausted by the time I land the balloon and tuck it into a crop of trees at the edge of the cliffs that I fall asleep on the floor of the basket, not even bothering to set up camp. I really should scout the area for potential people who'd like nothing more than to kill me or turn me over to my father for whatever reward I'm sure he's offering for my capture. But I find myself not giving a shit. I deserve whatever the universe throws my way.

Author's Note:

This is my first time sharing my stories with anyone, so thank you for reading. I decided to start with posting just a snippet to see how this is received before posting more. I'm aiming to post about once a week but can't guarantee anything since life tends to get in the way.

I've noticed most fanfictions are written in third person (not sure if this is some sort of unspoken rule), but I chose to write this in first person.

The translation of the title is 'Redemption.'