Life 3:17
Things seemed quiet this day in the Riverclan camp. The air was warm, finally melting away the last of the snow. Even Silverstream found some time while the kits napped to warm herself in the sun's light. There was a tranquil silence…
The silence was broken as Mudfur called out to his apprentice to bring poppyseeds to the leader's den now. Snakepaw blurred out of the medicine den with a bundle of seeds and minor soothing herbs, racing towards the leader's den. 'It was only supposed to be a checkup', Snakepaw thought as he quickly unfurled the bundle at Mudfur's paws as the medicine cat attempted to restrain Crookedstar, who was going through convulsions.
"Stay with me Crookedstar!" Mudfur hissed as he managed to press the elderly tom flat so they couldn't accidentally harm themselves or any others. "Can you hear me? Crookedstar! If you can hear me, I need you to stay calm and try to get control of yourself." Mudfur instructed. The convulsions became a bit more subdued, but they did not stop. That was not a good sign, but the fact that Crookedstar had any control and was aware meant he might pull through this. "Crookedstar. You are having a heart attack. We knew this was a possibility. Unfortunately, there is no remedy for this. This is your fight alone. If you pull through, you'll be in a lot of pain. We're ready for you when you win this. Just keep strong." Mudfur encouraged.
Crookedstar, the stubborn old tom, managed to finally arrest himself, wheezing with exhaustion and pain after surviving a brief heart stoppage. "I…" He gasped out before getting interrupted by Mudfur.
"You will be doing nothing today. That attack was a bad one. Let me listen for a moment." He ordered before laying his head against Crookedstar's chest. A frown crossed his face before he pulled back and shook his head. "And they won't be getting any better. Your heart is even more off rhythm than before. With how bad it sounds, you're going to pass anywhere from now to the next full moon which isn't all that far out. You better get your affairs in order because it won't be long."
Crookedstar genuinely looked scared for a moment before nodding acceptingly. He gratefully lapped up the herbs Snakepaw brought, feeling them muffle the pain that still ached in his chest and the various muscles he pulled in his spasms. He took a moment to let the medicine set in before he spoke.
"Send me Leopardfur and Silverstream when you can. I've got some final words for them before this creeps up on me again." He ordered.
Mudfur backed out of the medicine den with a nod, knowing fully well that the next time Crookedstar had an attack, he wouldn't be winning. Snakepaw made to leave, but Crookedstar stopped him.
"I've got a few things I want to ask you before I go. Tell me, is Starclan everything they make it out to be?" Crookedstar asked with some wariness.
"Moreso. It is beautiful there. There are rivers that always keep an early summer pace and warmth. The fish are always fatty with just the right amount of muscle. You'll also never spoil for hunting companions. There are so many up there that would love to meet someone new and share their hunting techniques, and if you're spoiling for a spar, there's plenty who'd love to have a good tumble with as well." Snakepaw answered, trying to assure Crookedstar that the afterlife was worthwhile.
"And do you think Willowbreeze, Minnowkit, and Willowkit are waiting for me?" He asked in a soft tone.
"Yes. They're waiting for you, but you might want to learn their new names. Last I checked, Minnowkit earned the name Minnowtail while Willowkit got the name Willowleaf. Every time I saw them, they were watching you and Silverstream. You will receive a warm welcome in Starclan." Snakepaw answered in a factual manner.
Leopardfur came running in, having received the message from Mudfur. "Crookedstar! Are you Ok? Mudfur told me what happened. Do you need anything?" She asked, panic clear in her voice.
"Calm yourself Leopardfur. I'm not dead just yet, but it will be soon. I wished to speak to you a bit before I pass. Snakepaw, you can head out. Make sure Silverstream comes to visit me as well." He mewed, gesturing towards the entrance.
Snakepaw padded out. Snakepaw bound down from the entrance, his face stony and calm. Snakepaw had long become familiar with the taste of oncoming tragedy. It was the basis of his existence. But when it was someone else approaching an inevitable end, Snakepaw always felt guilty. Thoughts like, 'why couldn't it have been me' or 'If I could only trade places for just a moment' would run through his head. Snakepaw didn't mind dying himself, but seeing others die always made him feel like a failure. No cat would ever fault him for trying to protect others, but Snakepaw always kept hidden a feeling of self-loathing for being unable to defy fate despite his horrendous blessing.
Snakepaw soon found Silverstream back in the medicine den, checking on her kits who were curled up with another queen's kits. "Crookedstar wants to see you. If you worry for your kits, I suggest leaving them with another queen for this. You're going to want to stay with him once he tells you what's going on." Snakepaw mewed with the faintest waver in his voice.
Silverstream picked up on his distress, sensing that Snakepaw wasn't just telling her that Crookedstar wanted a friendly chat. She quickly made arrangements for another queen to watch her kits while she visited her father. Meanwhile, Snakepaw just padded out of the nursery staring blankly at the leader's den, knowing what was happening inside. There was nothing he could do for Crookedstar, and it left him feeling an all too familiar apathy, a defense mechanism that liked to rear its ugly head when Snakepaw least expected it. It was a temporary dam that would crack eventually leading to another of Snakepaw's emotional outbursts, but for now, it kept him calm.
Mudfur found his apprentice staring at the leaders den, clearly feeling some level of guilt for not being able to do more for their leader. Mudfur remembered the first time he felt that feeling as well. When he was but a medicine cat apprentice, he lost one of his old friends to whitecough. The medicine just hadn't responded with his friend, and they didn't have the herbs to spare for a larger dose. In the end, Mudfur's friend died with Mudfur himself unable to even give the slightest bit of aid besides a cat to talk to before the end. It was an eye-opening experience that still clung tightly to his memories. He remembered what his mentor said to him after his friend passed. He now spoke those words towards his apprentice.
"We can't save everyone, no matter how much we try. Our jobs as medicine cats aren't just to save lives. We're also to give comfort to those beyond saving. Crookedstar kept you behind for a reason. Would you tell me?" Mudfur gently mewed.
"He asked me what Starclan was like and if his family was waiting for him. I let him know they were and that Starclan would be kind to him." Snakepaw answered in a strange monotone.
"Then you've done your part. Crookedstar will be able to move on easy knowing that he's going to a good place. We'll miss him, but he'll be watching us from Starclan. This isn't a permanent goodbye. It's just a so long for now." Mudfur mewed, internally wincing when he remembered that Snakepaw doesn't get an eternal rest in Starclan like everyone else.
Mudfur barely could hear Snakepaw's reply. "Thanks. I needed to hear that." Was what Snakepaw mewed in barely a whisper.
The next morning, Mudfur entered Crookedstar's den to check on the tom. What he found was that Crookedstar had another attack in the night, likely hadn't even woken up. He'd passed without pain. There was much mourning in the clan, though there was a bit of a morbid joke going around that Crookedstar only stuck around this long to see Silverstream's kits. Regardless, the clan was at least happy that Crookedstar passed gently into Starclan.