After greeting Rafael Barba with a nervous smile and a couple of tentative words, Liv found her resolve faltering as she held his gaze. The fact she was standing in his office had clearly come as a shock to him, and she was watching him closely in an attempt to establish whether her presence was a welcome one. Her relief that he did not appear to be angry was quickly suppressed by the realisation he was watching her closely with a concerned and wary expression, as though trying to assess how she would react. Did he think she was here to continue their fight? It was in that moment that she realised he was probably wondering the exact same thing. She found herself feeling suddenly rather emotional, and she blinked rapidly.
Liv swallowed thickly and took a single step forward, her eyes holding his gaze, as she spoke quickly before her courage failed her.
"Rafa, I'm so sorry-"
"No" Rafa interrupted, his voice somewhat husky, as he pushed the door shut behind him and walked quickly towards her. "No, I'm sorry" he said sincerely, worry and regret present in his voice and expression, as he closed the distance between them, placing his arms around her and gently drawing her into an embrace.
Liv closed her eyes and leaned into him instinctively, surprised by the extent of the relief that flooded her. He was holding her close with his right arm, and stroking her hair with his left hand, mindful of her injured shoulder. She slowly ran her left hand up his back and held onto his shoulder, leaning into the crook of his neck and sighing in relief, as they held each other for several moments.
After some time had passed Liv reluctantly leaned back, feeling Rafael lower his arms immediately, as he took a step back and met her gaze.
"It was my fault-" Liv began quietly. Rafael shook his head.
"No, it wasn't" Rafael responded emphatically. "It was me" he added. "When I heard you were in hospital and you'd been hurt, and I saw your arm and the bleeding-" he continued quickly, punctuating his words with a shake of his head. "I was worried about you, about our baby, about what happened" he explained, as Liv watched him closely, nodding at intervals. As Rafael continued to speak, Liv felt gentle movements inside her, as her previously sleeping baby began to wake. Whether it was the sound of his voice or the effect his words had on her she could not be sure, but Liv felt her baby begin to kick inside her once more, its initially lazy and soft movements quickly becoming firmer and more pronounced. "I never should have spoken to you like that" Rafael stated, drawing Liv back into the moment. "I caused our argument and I am so sorry" he said sincerely. Liv felt something inside her ache, as guilt flooded her.
"No, Rafa, it was my fault" Liv insisted, her voice calm and sincere. "You expressed perfectly reasonable and understandable concerns about what I did and I overreacted" she confessed, watching as he lowered his eyes from hers for a moment and shook his head. "You were right" she admitted, as he looked up and met her gaze once more. "I didn't think about what I was doing. I didn't think about the risks or the dangers or what might happen if I got involved" she continued. "All I was thinking about was getting those children out of the car" she stated. "What I did was natural and instinctive, and I didn't think about it at all" she added guiltily. "I didn't think about-" she continued, breaking off slightly as the weight of her guilt at the words which were to follow choked her. "I'm a Police officer" she said simply, her eyes shining with tears as she spoke.
"I know" Rafa assured her, taking her left hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You didn't run towards that car because you're a Police officer. You became a Police officer because your instinct is to run towards those cars and help the people trapped inside" he explained, his voice calm and gentle, his tone imbued with warmth. "And I admire you for it. I love you for it" he continued, as Liv smiled softly in response. Her baby began to kick more insistently and she shifted on the spot. Rafael noticed and he glanced down her body and then quickly back up to her face. "What is it?" he asked, worry present in his tone. "Are you alright?" he added, resting his left hand supportively on her hip.
"I'm fine" Liv quickly reassured him, an embarrassed smile playing on her lips. She wanted to continue their conversation but knew she would be unable to do so until she reassured him.
Liv drew their clasped hands towards her and placed his upon her belly, feeling his palm and splayed fingers stretch across her, as their baby kicked excitedly against him. Liv looked up and watched as the worry disappeared almost entirely from Rafa's face. His expression softened, his eyes shone, and he smiled warmly as he stared down upon her belly.
"Whenever you start talking the baby kicks like that" Liv said softly. "I thought it was gonna kick a hole through my abdominal wall when we were in the hospital" she added lightly. Rafa smirked slightly, before looking up to meet her gaze.
"Well, it's a good job we were in a hospital at the time" he teased, earning a small smile from Liv.
Despite her smile, Liv was still looking rather pale, and her eyes were tired and glassy. Although they had both recovered from their argument and were now speaking in a much more calm and reasonable manner, they had both said things which had hurt and angered the other, and he was acutely aware of how delicate some of the things they had talked about were. He did not want matters to become heated once more, or for there to be any misunderstandings concerning his intentions, so he would have to proceed with care.
Rafa maintained his gentle smile, and stroked her belly with affection, before reluctantly removing his hands from her body.
"Why don't we sit down?" Rafa suggested, placing his hand gently on Liv's lower back. He was somewhat surprised when she nodded in agreement, and allowed him to lead her towards the couch, where they sat down side by side.
Rafa and Liv were sitting so close to each other that their bodies touched, the contact feeling somehow incredibly intimate, and absolving them both of some of the wariness and concern which they were still holding onto.
"I appreciate what you're saying" Liv assured Rafa, wanting to return to their conversation, and resolve matters once and for all. "But you were right" she stated with conviction, holding his gaze as she spoke, and noting the discomfort in his expression. "What I did was reckless and I did put our baby in danger" she admitted guiltily. Rafa shook his head.
"I should never have-"
"Yes, you should" Liv interrupted, taking his hand and squeezing it. Rafa met her gaze with guilty eyes. "Because you were right" she said simply. "You've always told me the truth, Rafa. Especially when it wasn't what I wanted to hear" she explained. "And in my experience that's when you need to hear it the most" she continued. Rafa swallowed hard and his expression tightened. "And I admire and love you for it" she added softly. Rafa stared at her for a few moments, before nodding once in acknowledgement.
"I understand why you did what you did" Rafael assured her, as he proceeded slowly and with care. "I know you've been careful, you've made significant changes in your lifestyle since learning of your pregnancy, to keep both you and our baby safe" he continued. "I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you to make the sacrifices you have made and are continuing to make, in relation to your job, your body, your choices" he explained. "And I know that what happened today was an emergency, and there were extenuating circumstances that meant you had to act quickly. And you did" he added, relieved to find that Liv was watching him with calm and patient eyes, and nodding at intervals. "I trust you. Completely" he stated with conviction. "I have never doubted your ability or desire to keep our baby safe, and I never should have said that you put it-"
"Yes, you should" Liv said slowly, offering him a small smile. "Because I did" she added sadly, swallowing thickly before continuing. "The fact that it was an emergency does not alter the fact that my actions put our baby in danger" she stated. "You were right. Everything you said was right" she assured him, holding his gaze as she spoke. "You were raising legitimate and reasonable concerns, and I completely dismissed them" she added guiltily. "I was upset, and sore, and I felt that you were being patronising, which you weren't" she said quickly. "I became defensive and reacted badly" she admitted. "You were calm and patient, but I kept dismissing your concerns and it's understandable that you were frustrated."
"No, it wasn't" Rafa replied quietly, shaking his head before meeting her gaze once more with guilty eyes. "I am concerned about your decision to get involved, but I understand it" he assured her. "It was a conversation we needed to have, but not in the hospital" he added guiltily. "You were bleeding and in pain and I caused an argument which should have been a conversation" he said quietly. Liv stared at him for a moment and offered him a reassuring smile.
"Is this the part where the defence offers the prosecution a plea?" Liv asked gently, prompting Rafael to look up at her with an expression somewhere between curiosity and amusement. "We were both at fault this morning" she advised. "We both handled the situation badly, and said things we didn't mean" she continued, "and we are both sorry" she added sincerely, relieved to find him nodding in agreement.
"Okay" Rafa agreed, offering her a tight smile. Liv's expression softened and she squeezed his hand, before swallowing hard.
"I know you weren't trying to control my behaviour. And you're right, you never have" Liv assured him, as she braced herself for the guilt which was rising within her once more. "And I know you don't view me as an incubator-"
"I don't" Rafa said sincerely, shaking his head as he spoke. "I was worried about both of you, not just the baby" he added. "And I was confused that you didn't call me when it happened" he continued cautiously. "You were admitted to hospital. Even though the baby was okay, you weren't, so of course I would want to know and be with you" he said gently, his voice kind and reassuring and utterly devoid of accusation. "And not just because you are carrying our child, but because I love you and I care about you" he added. "And if you are scared or in pain or hurt I want to be with you. Of course I do. For you, not the just the baby" he said warmly.
"I know" Liv assured him, squeezing his hand and offering him a guilty smile. "I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this" she said humbly, watching as Rafa's eyebrows knitted in confusion and he frowned.
"At what?" he asked gently. "Apologising?" he suggested. "I'd say we're both doing a pretty good job so far" he added lightly. Liv's lips formed into a tight smile which did not quite meet her eyes.
"I'm not very good at being protected" Liv admitted quietly. "That's always been my job" she added simply, trying to lighten the situation. "Being protected and acknowledging that I might need to be" she continued, trying to formulate her thoughts into words, "is not something I have ever found easy" she confessed, finding herself feeling imbued with the confidence to continue as Rafa watched her with patient eyes. "I'm not naive" she assured him. "I know that being pregnant makes me more vulnerable," she continued. "And knowing that, and being reminded of it, is something I have found really hard" she said simply, offering him a tight smile. Rafa nodded.
"I understand" Rafa assured her. "And I'm sorry if what I said made that harder for you" he added sincerely. "That was not my intention" he assured her. Liv shook her head. "But being pregnant does make you more vulnerable, and if you were to get hurt now, the consequences would be more serious – more dangerous – than they would have been if it happened seven months ago" he explained. "And I don't just mean to the baby, but to you" he added gently. "I know you are keeping our baby safe, you are doing that every day" he said warmly. "But to keep the baby safe you need to keep yourself safe, and that isn't something that you have ever prioritised" he said carefully. "But it is so important that you do. Now more than ever" she added. "I didn't mean to make you feel vulnerable or weak" he assured her. "I just want you to be careful, not just for the baby, but for you."
"I know" Liv assured him. "I know, and I needed to hear that" she said warmly, her eyes glistening as she spoke. "Whether I wanted to or not" she added. Rafa edged closer to her, placing his right hand on her lower back and watching her attentively. "I spent so much of the early part of the pregnancy pretending it wasn't happening, because I thought-" she admitted guiltily, breaking off as she spoke, her voice becoming heavy with emotion. She lowered her eyes from Rafa's and stared down.
"I know" Rafa said gently, stroking her back and waiting patiently for her to continue. She took a few moments to compose herself and then looked up at him once more with emotional eyes.
"It's been quite a big adjustment, in so many ways" Liv explained. "To us, to Noah, to my job, my actions, and thoughts, and my body" she continued, aware she was moving somewhat off the topic of the argument, but unable to stop now that the floodgates had opened. "Although I found out I was pregnant twelve weeks ago, I only found out we'd be having a baby six weeks ago" she explained, relieved when he nodded in understanding. "And now everybody knows, and I feel so exposed and vulnerable, especially as I'm getting bigger-" she continued, cutting herself off as she spoke, wanting to focus on repairing their argument and not delve further into her own anxiety and self-pity. She quickly wiped her eyes and took in a deep breath. "And I've never felt like that before" she added quietly. "At least, not since..."
Liv trailed off, as memories of Nick wrapping a blanket around her and leading her out of the beach house and into the blinding daylight. Police cars and reporters surrounded her, her eyes drifting across the unfamiliar crowd, as strangers stared at her with a combination of interest and pity. She felt her stomach tighten at the memory.
Rafael Barba, who quickly realised what she was thinking about, edged closer to her and squeezed her hand.
"Liv" he said gently. "Liv" he repeated, prompting her to blink herself out of her stupor and stare up at him. "It's alright" he soothed, stroking her back as she quickly composed herself. "I understand" he assured her. "And I'm sorry."
"No. No, I'm sorry. This is my fault" Liv responded, wiping her eyes as she spoke. "I'm not very good at feeling vulnerable or being protected" she added, offering him a small smile. "Especially now" she continued. "Because it reminds me that I can't..." she trailed off, lowering her eyes from Rafa's once more. He remained silent for several moments.
"Can't what?" he asked gently, before waiting a few moments more. "What can't you do?" he asked softly. Liv swallowed hard and shook her head.
"I'm not very good at this" she said quietly, an embarrassed smile playing on her lips, before she looked up towards the ceiling and tried to stop herself from crying. Rafa watched her for a few moments, aware of how rare it was for her to be this vulnerable in front of someone, and how hard it was for her.
"At what?" he prompted gently. Liv swallowed hard.
"At being pregnant" Liv confessed, clenching her jaw and nodding as she spoke, unable to meet his gaze. Rafa frowned in confusion.
"What?" he asked quietly, confusion present in his tone. "What do you mean?" he asked softly.
"I don't know" Liv admitted. "I just... I know I'm not handling this in the way that I should be, and today was a perfect example of that" she continued slowly, before swallowing hard and meeting his gaze. "I'm not being as careful as I should, I'm fainting because I'm not taking time out of the day to eat, I'm trying to stay awake when my body is telling me to sleep, I..." she continued, breaking off as she spoke, and closing her eyes to compose herself. "I haven't bought anything for the baby" she added, opening her eyes and shaking her head. "Not a single thing" she said quietly. "I went into a store a couple weeks ago and was looking at baby clothes and I just... I couldn't..." she added, shifting uncomfortably as she tried to find the right words. When her mind processed what she had just said she looked up at Rafa suddenly with worried eyes. She was relieved to find he was watching her with a calm and patient expression. "I want this baby" she stated with conviction. "And I want it to be okay-"
"I know" Rafa responded quickly. "I know you do" he assured her. "Liv, nothing you just said means that you don't want the baby" he added. Liv nodded rapidly in response. "The fact you are so upset shows how much you do want it" he explained in an attempt to reassure her, as he himself needed no such convincing. Liv smiled sadly and looked towards him, meeting his gaze for the first time in a while. "This pregnancy – our baby – came as a surprise" he reminded her, earning a small smile from Liv. "I can't imagine how terrified you must have been when you found out" he sympathised. "And as you said, given the complications and risks during the past few months, you've only really had six weeks to process the fact that we are having a baby" he continued gently. "And so much has happened in the past six weeks. It's understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed" he assured her, his voice warm and kind and utterly avoid of judgement. Liv felt herself becoming increasingly tearful and she dug her nails into her palm to stop herself from crying. "But you are being far too hard on yourself" he stated, prompting her to blink and look up at him. "And you're not giving yourself any of the credit you deserve" he added, as Liv stared at him with a confused expression. Rafa's eyes softened and he placed her left hand on her belly. "For the past six months you have kept our baby safe" he reminded her. "You, Liv" he added. "You have attended frequent doctor's appointments, followed their guidance, taken daily medication" he reminded her. "You have changed your lifestyle significantly, in order to protect our child" he added. "I know there have been times where you have skipped lunch, or resisted the urge to rest" he acknowledged. "But those are just a few moments in six whole months" he explained. "You are eating more, and resting more – you've taken up yoga to help you to relax and to listen to your body" he reminded her, watching as she held his gaze with emotional eyes. "You can do this, Liv. You are doing this" he assured her, pressing her hand against her belly. "Look what you're doing. What your body is doing. Our baby is health and safe and that is because of you" he continued, his eyes warm, his smile sincere. "What you're doing is incredible, and I am so proud of you" he assured her.
Rafa's final words were the ones which broke her resolve, and despite her best efforts to maintain her composure, Liv faltered. The argument she had with Rafa and his kindness now, combined with her pervasive anxiety and the fact her pain medication was wearing off tipped her over the edge, and she burst into tears.
"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay" Rafa soothed, as he drew Liv into his arms and held her close. "You're okay. Everything's okay" he reassured her.
Liv held onto Rafa and allowed herself to be comforted, but only for a few moments. As she began to calm down she felt guilt and embarrassment begin to overcome her. They were resolving their argument and talking openly, and she didn't want to detract from that by becoming hysterical. Liv slowly leaned back and quickly wiped her eyes, accepting Rafa's ever-present silk handkerchief as she did so.
"Thank you. Sorry" she said quietly, as she quickly dried her eyes. "Lately, everything makes me cry, I'm fine, it's just hormones" she added dismissively. Rafa placed a gentle hand on her left shoulder.
"No, it's not" he said softly. "And you have nothing to apologise for" he assured her.
Before Liv could respond, she felt a buzzing in the back pocket of her trousers. She shifted in her seat and removed her phone, sighing audibly as she read the caller ID.
"It's the Chief, I've got to take this, sorry" Liv said quickly. Rafa nodded encouragingly and looked away as she answered the call, his gaze drifting towards her belly.
As Liv's pregnancy had progressed and she became more visibly pregnant, he found himself feeling increasingly protective of her and their child. He could not help but stare in amazement at her changing body, knowing what it was doing, especially after what it had endured. And in recent weeks, when the baby had become big enough that he could feel it moving and kicking beneath his palm, his awe and fascination had increased tenfold. But so had his fear and concern for Liv and the baby which grew inside her, who was quickly becoming less of a concept and more of a baby in his mind.
When he was not with Liv thought of her often, his mind often drifting towards her and their baby. He would wonder how she was feeling, if she was tired, if she had eaten, if she was alright. It was a relief knowing she had such a close relationship with her team, all of whom looked out for her. But despite this, the only time he was able to fully relax was when he was with her. He had wondered whether he was perhaps being too protective, and projecting that onto her; he had even thought that was the cause of the argument, but after speaking to Liv he knew it was not. They had both borne responsibility for their argument that morning, and he was so relieved that they had talked about it and resolved matters so quickly. Unfortunately, as their past experience showed, that did not tend to be their custom.
As Rafael considered the point further, he was distracted by a change in Liv's tone, which drew him immediately from his thoughts. He recognised the edge in her voice, firmness bordering on frustration, as she frowned and nodded.
"I understand, Chief, but that's really not necessary-" she began, stopping in a sudden manner which indicated she had been cut off by her boss. Rafa watched as she clenched her jaw and nodded. She pursed her lips and closed her eyes, before relaying details of his injuries to her boss, with some apparent reluctance. "Yes, Sir. Of course. I understand. I will. Thank you" she added, her clipped sentences further evidence of her annoyance.
Rafa watched as Liv hung up the phone and scoffed, shaking her head as she tried to calm herself.
"Is everything alright?" Rafa asked gently. Liv sighed and met his gaze, her look of irritation quickly turning into one of concern.
"Have you watched the news today?" Liv asked cautiously, realising she was unsure whether he had seen the LMZ report. Rafa held her gaze with a calm expression.
"I did see part of the LMZ report on the incident earlier today" Rafa advised her calmly, watching as she closed her eyes for a moment, her guilt overwhelming her. "I take it so has your Chief?"
"Yeah, he has. He called me this morning to berate me on it" Liv replied quietly, her tone imbued with embarrassment and frustration. "Apparently it doesn't look good for the department to have a visibly pregnant Police Captain pulling children out of a burning car" she added.
"Optics" Rafa said simply.
"Yeah" Liv breathed, nodding in response. "Apparently the LMZ report has been picked up by other stations, who have obtained footage from other bystanders" she added, unable to hide her irritation at those who simply stood by and filmed. "So the story is now featuring on several major news channels and the Chief has no choice but to issue a press release" she explained. Rafa nodded in understanding. "Half of the viewers will see me as a hero, the other half a reckless idiot who endangered her unborn child" she said quietly. Rafa sighed, his guilt at his accusation Liv put their baby endanger returning to him full force. He wanted to apologise, but Liv was clearly irritated by her conversation with her Chief, and she needed to vent. "Either way, the Chief wants to ensure that the public are reassured by how NYPD take care of their pregnant officers" she added, her voice heavy with irritation. Rafa nodded in understanding.
"And they're going to do that by announcing you are taking a few days off to recover at home" Rafael responded, nodding in understanding.
"Try two weeks" Liv said, irritation present in her voice. Rafa's expression tightened. He knew she would not be happy about that at all. "I am not permitted in the precinct until the Monday after next – if a doctor confirms I am fit to return to duty - and I am not authorised to work from home during my convalescence" she added, adopting the Chief's terminology, which made her feel even more profoundly irritated.
"That's more a week and a half than two weeks" Rafa temporised. Liv looked up at him and seemed poised to disagree. "But I understand your frustration" he added quickly. "Especially given the fact the decision was made for the sake of appearances rather than out of a genuine concern for your well-being" he added. "I know this isn't what you want" he said gently. "But maybe, right now, it is what you need" he suggested, relieved when Liv simply sighed wearily. "Despite the reason it's been ordered."
Liv sighed and leaned back heavily against the couch. As she did so her shoulder grazed the back of it and she winced and inhaled sharply.
"Have you taken anything for the pain?" Rafa asked with concern. Liv shifted on the couch and drew her arm instinctively closer.
"I did, but the Tylenol has almost worn off" Liv explained. Rafa nodded.
"I've got some in my desk" he explained, getting up and walking across the room before she could stop him.
"I can't" Liv responded, as Rafa removed the packet from his desk and began to walk towards her. He frowned in confusion. "I only took some three hours ago, it's too early" she explained. Rafa's expression cleared and he nodded.
"Is there anything else you can take?" he asked. Liv shook her head.
"I'm fine, really. It's not that bad" she replied, rising slowly from the couch and walking towards him. "I just knocked it on the couch, I'll be fine in a minute" she added. Rafa nodded and placed the pills in her handbag.
"Why don't I take you home?" Rafa suggested. Liv's expression softened.
"Because unlike me, you have to work" Liv said lightly, her irritation at her enforced sick leave palpable.
"And unlike you, I'm allowed to do that away from my office" he added, watching as Liv's initial irritation at the remark turned into a laugh. "I know this isn't what you want" he assured her, watching as she looked up at met his gaze. "But perhaps this is what you need, just for now, just for a while" he explained.
Whether it was due to her pain, tiredness or the fact she did not want to argue with Rafa again, Liv found herself nodding in agreement.
"Where's your car?" he asked.
"At the precinct" she replied quietly. Rafa nodded.
"Why don't we get a cab to the precinct, then I can drive you home?" he suggested. "I take it you've not had a chance to have lunch yet?" he added tentatively, not wanting her to perceive it as an accusation.
"No" she confirmed. Rafa nodded.
"Why don't we go back to your apartment, order lunch, and you can have a hot bath?" he suggested gently. Liv found her mind drifting towards purple jasmine-scented waters and she felt her body relax almost immediately.
"Sure" she conceded, with less resistance than Rafa had anticipated. Rafa nodded, and was clear to leave before she could change her mind.
"I'll let Carmen know, and I'll order the cab, okay?" he advised. Liv nodded.
"And I'll call Fin and let him know he's in charge until I'm no longer grounded" she sighed. Deciding it would be sensible to remain silent, Rafa simply nodded in response, before heading out of his office and towards Carmen's desk.
Liv and Rafael arrived at her apartment forty-five minutes later, with Liv audibly sighing as she entered her living room, dropping her handbag onto the couch and carefully removing her sling.
Rafael closed the door behind himself and walked calmly across the familiar apartment, placing his briefcase on the table by the couch and removing his phone from his inside pocket.
"Do you want your usual sandwich order?" Rafa asked, as he loaded his go-to food delivery service app. Liv carefully removed her blazer and laid it over the back of the couch, before turning towards Rafa.
"I'm really grateful for you driving me home, but if you have to get back to the office-"
"I don't" Rafa responded easily. "I'm not due in Court until the morning, I can prep here" he added. "In fact, this is actually preferable to being in my office, because there is a significantly lower risk of Carisi interrupting me" he added lightly, as he began to fill in his own sandwich order. "Unless there's something you're not telling me?" he teased. Liv chuckled.
"Okay" she conceded, trying to ignore just how happy she was that he was staying. "And uh, yes, thank you" Liv responded, in relation to her order. "Could you order me some extra chips please?" she asked. Rafa nodded in response as he filled out her usual order. "Thank you" she added, as he ordered the food and placed his phone back inside his inner pocket, before slowly walking towards her.
"It'll be about a half-hour, so why don't you have a hot bath?" Rafa suggested gently. Liv nodded in response. The idea appealed to her greatly. "Do you need any help with-?"
"With what?" Liv asked, feigning ignorance, as she took a step towards him. Rafa felt her belly pressed against his and he smirked, his eyes never leaving hers.
"You know what" he responded calmly, not taking the bait. Liv smiled.
"I'll be fine, but thank you" she replied sincerely, before turning on the spot and heading towards her bedroom. She took a few steps before stopping suddenly and turning towards him. "Rafa?" she called, prompting him to look up at her. "Thank you" she said sincerely. Rafa offered her a small smile and nodded, watching as she disappeared into her bedroom.
As Liv enjoyed a hot, restorative bath, Rafa sat on her couch with the case file, printed statements and his laptop, as he prepared for his Court cases the following day. He could hear the sound of running water in the bathroom, and Liv moving in the tub, which reassured him. He had almost checked on her twice when there was silence, before he heard her move and his worry was stilled.
He was making some notes on an obscure case law he had just discovered which supported his case, when his phone began to ring. He looked down at the caller ID and felt his stomach tighten, guilt and annoyance at his lack of thought overcoming him as he quickly answered the call.
"Hi, Mami" Rafa said calmly. "No, no, she's fine, they're both fine-" he began, as he did his best to allay his mother's concerns.
Rafael Barba provided his mother with a succinct account of the events of that morning, together with details of Liv's injuries. He assured his mother that Liv and the baby were both fine, that her injuries were confined to her arm and that she was at home resting. The revelation that she was on mandatory sick leave for the next two weeks reassured his mother considerably, as did his confirmation he was with her.
"Are you sure everything is alright, Rafi?" his mother asked.
"Yes, Mami, absolutely" he promptly confirmed. "Liv and the baby are both fine-"
"I know" she interrupted. "I mean with you" she added gently. Rafael swallowed hard. "Rafi, what's wrong?" she asked.
Rafael Barba sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, before quickly realising his mother would only worry if she felt he was holding back from her. He therefore provided her with a brief account of his and Liv's argument, but stressed that they had talked since and resolved matters.
"People fight, Rafi, it happens" his mother soothed. "It was a stressful situation for both of you, tempers flared, and you said some things you didn't mean. It's okay, it's normal" she assured him, knowing how deeply affected he had been by previous arguments with Liv, and the years they went without speaking. "And you have talked things over and everything is fine" she reminded him.
Rafael Barba swallowed thickly, as the guilt he had been trying to suppress returned to him once more.
"Liv was hurt and in pain and I yelled at her in her hospital room" Rafael said quietly, regret present in his voice. "That's not fine" he added.
"I doubt you yelled, Rafi" she soothed. Rafa shook his head. "You might have raised your voice-"
"Which is the same thing" he responded quickly.
"No, it's not" Lucia responded. "Things got heated, and things got loud. I'm sure Olivia raised her voice too" she suggested. Whilst Rafa privately acknowledged that she had, he did not believe that changed things, certainly not his liability.
"I shouldn't have" Rafa said regretfully. "And I should not have spoken to her the way I did" he continued, swallowing thickly as he remembered parts of their heated argument. "I told her she put our baby in danger" he said quietly.
"Oh, Rafi" Lucia said gently. "I am sure you both said things you did not mean, everybody does when they argue" she reminded him.
"I shouldn't have said that" he said quietly.
"I'm sure Olivia is remembering things she regrets saying too" Lucia reasoned. "Sometimes arguments are helpful, as the issues you raise during them tend to be the things you avoid everyday" she suggested. Rafael nodded in acknowledgement.
"Yes" he agreed. "But that doesn't change what I did."
"You had an argument, Rafi. It's normal. It's happened before, and I promise you it will happen again" she said gently. "You've talked it over and you're moving forwards" she reminded him.
"Yes" Rafael agreed, as he sat back in a reflective silence.
"You're nothing like him, Rafi" Lucia said softly, her words drawing him from his thoughts.
"Mami?" he asked, seeking clarification, despite suspecting he knew what she meant.
"Your father" she added carefully. "Raising your voice does not make you like him. Not even a little, Raf" she assured him. "Your father never felt bad after an argument, and he certainly never apologised" she stated. "Please don't confuse having an argument with being abusive" she stated Rafael swallowed hard and was about to respond when there was a knock at the door.
"I'm sorry, Mami, I've got to go" he said politely, rising from his seat and exchanging a polite goodbye with his mother, before ending the call and taking in the lunch order he had made.
As Rafael Barba plated up the food and desperately tried to forget his recent conversation with his mother, Liv emerged from the bathroom wearing a white cotton loungewear set she had recently bought, which matched the white sling she was wearing. Her skin was glowing, her eyes were bright, and she looked much calmer than she had when she entered the room. Rafael Barba smiled instinctively at her.
"Perfect timing" he commended, as he pushed her plate towards her and placed a box of Tylenol next to her.
"Thank you" Liv responded, before taking two Tylenol and washing it down with her diet soda. They each took up their seats at the breakfast bar and began to eat. "How's the trial prep coming along?" she asked. Rafa smiled.
"Are you aware of what time off is?" he asked lightly.
"Are you aware of what 'enforced medical leave' is" she replied with equal levity, as she took another sip of her soda. Rafa sighed in defeat and updated her on his trial prep for the Taxi Cab rapist.
"At least the Chief can't stop me testifying in Court next week" she reasoned.
"I might have to request a continuance" Rafael said gently. Liv stared at him.
"Because the Chief has put me on sick leave?" she asked, confusion present in her tone. "You don't work for him-"
"No, I don't, but you do" Rafael responded patiently. "And given how worried he is about perception he might insist that I request your testimony be given once you return from duty" he reasoned. Liv sighed.
"Optics" she said simply. Rafael nodded and raised his drink in acknowledgement before taking a sip.
"Politics" he added.
"Yeah" Liv sighed.
After enjoying lunch together, Liv found herself feeling sleepy and sated, and the Tylenol was thankfully beginning to have an effect. She stifled a yawn and wiped her hands with her napkin. She felt Rafael watching her and shook her head.
"Sorry, I don't know why I'm so tired" she said calmly, as she suppressed another yawn. Rafa's expression softened.
"Yes, it's a complete mystery" he replied, his voice gentle yet sarcastic. Liv met his gaze and smirked.
"Liv, why don't you get some rest?" Rafael suggested, his voice kind and soothing. Liv met his gaze with weary eyes. "I'll be here when you wake up" he assured her. Her expression softened and she nodded in defeat, mindful of their conversation from earlier that afternoon, and acknowledging the fact that she really was very tired.
"Okay" Liv conceded, as she carefully eased herself off the bar stool. "Thanks, Rafa" she said gently, before heading into her bedroom.
After using her pregnancy pillows to create some comfort and support for both her belly and her injured arm, Liv closed the curtains and lay down in her bed, shutting her eyes for what she told herself would be a forty-five minute/hour long nap to restore herself. Despite her previous concerns, sleep captured Liv almost immediately, and drew her into her welcoming embrace.
When Liv next opened her eyes she was struck by a familiar sensation of more time having passed than she had intended. The aching in her shoulder, which she quickly realised had caused her to wake up, was a worrying indicator of how long she had been asleep, given it took about three to four hours for the painkillers to wear off.
As Liv blinked tiredly and leaned back against her pillows she listened closely for sounds of noise or movement. She could hear the familiar low rumble of Rafa's voice, followed by the sound of Noah laughing and then responding. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but they both sounded happy and relaxed.
Liv could smell onions and garlic, and her mouth promptly began to water, prompting her to draw her injured arm close to her as she slowly eased herself out of bed, which took far more effort than she cared to admit.
As she reached towards her bedside table and checked her phone, she found a list of missed calls and texts from friends and colleagues, the few words she glanced at making it clear they had seen her on the news. She was quickly distracted from the messages by the realisation that it was currently 5.48pm, meaning she had been asleep for almost three hours. Liv sighed in frustration and walked tiredly across her bedroom, heading out into the hallway and slowly towards the kitchen.
The smell of garlic and onions grew stronger, as did the sound of Noah and Rafa's voices. She could hear Bruce Springsteen playing in the background, soothing and familiar, and low enough so as not to disturb her rest. She found herself relaxing as she headed towards the kitchen, anticipation prompting her to feel more awake with each step.
As Liv stepped into the kitchen she saw Rafael Barba standing at her counter, with his suit sleeves rolled up as he diced tomatoes and stirred them into the pan on the stove which contained garlic and onions. He poured chopped tomatoes in and seasoned them, glancing up from what he was doing as he spoke to Noah, who was sat at the breakfast bar with his school books. Noah was referring to his book, which she quickly identified as Shakespeare's 'A Midsummer Night's Dream', and asking questions, which Rafa answered promptly. Noah was laughing at one of the characters being named 'Bottom' when he noticed Liv approaching. His laughter stopped and his smile widened, as he quickly got off the bar stool and ran towards her.
"Mum!" Noah beamed, running towards her and wrapping his arms around her hips, as Rafa turned towards her and greeted her with a smile. "You were on TV!" he informed her, his tone indicating he thought it was an incredible achievement. Liv smiled politely and nodded.
"Yes, I was" Liv said slowly.
"Uncle Rafa said you hurt your arm when helping those kids" Noah said gently, his voice becoming serious, as he turned his attentions towards her sling. "Does it hurt?" he asked with concern.
"Only a little" she lied, forcing a small smile. "What are you making?" she asked, wanting to change the subject for him and for Rafa.
"It's spaghetti night!" Noah informed her, as though the answer was obvious.
"How could I forget?" she smiled. Noah smiled back at her and then reached for her left hand.
"Come and sit down, mum" he encouraged, as he carefully led her towards the island, where she took up a seat opposite Rafa.
"That smells delicious" she commended. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"You're fine. Noah and I have everything under control" Rafa responded warmly, as Noah took up his seat. "And Noah has kindly offered to do all the washing up afterwards."
"No I didn't" he replied quickly, earning a laugh from Liv. "Do you want some orange juice, mum? The one that the baby likes?" he asked keenly. Liv smiled softly and met her son's gaze. She had been drinking a lot of orange juice lately, she seemed to crave citrus. When Noah had commented on her intake she said that the baby must really like it, and ever since then he had been keen to ensure they were well-stocked.
"That would be lovely, thank you Noah" Liv responded, prompting Noah to get up from his seat and walk into the kitchen, taking a glass from the draining board and pouring her a large glass of orange juice straight from the fridge.
"I'm so sorry, you should have woken me" Liv said quietly, feeling embarrassed.
"It's fine" Rafa responded warmly. "You clearly needed to rest" he said simply. "How are you feeling?"
"Much better. Thank you" she replied. Rafa smiled and nodded.
"Good" he said simply, as Noah returned to Liv, placing a very full glass of orange juice next to her, which she thanked him for. "Noah was telling me how his class are studying A Midsummer Night's Dream" he advised, wanting to include Liv in the conversation.
"You know, that's the first of Shakespeare's plays I ever read" Liv informed Noah. "Do you like it?"
"I don't know" Noah responded slowly. "The words are really weird" he added, earning a smirk from Rafa.
"It can be difficult to understand at first, especially if you are reading it" Rafa explained. "The plays were designed to be watched, not read" he added. "There is a matinee at the Majestic next week" he remarked.
"Can we see it, Uncle Rafa, please?" he asked, before turning towards Liv. "Mum?" he asked.
"If we can get tickets, sure" Liv replied, much to Noah's delight. "I've got a lot of free time" she added lightly. Rafa met her gaze and offered her a small smile, as he stirred the tomato sauce in one pan and turned the meatballs over in the other.
"Uncle Rafa is making cheesy garlic bread" Noah proclaimed proudly. "He used three types of cheese."
"Did he?" Liv asked.
"Live free or die" Rafa replied lightly, as he poured the tomato sauce over the meatballs.
As Liv listened to her son laugh and watched Rafa cook, she was surprised by how natural this all felt, how domestic and easy and pretty close to perfect. It was almost hard to believe they had been arguing less than twelve hours before.
Liv became lost in her thoughts until Rafa met her gaze, and given the way he looked at her she suspected he was thinking the same thing. Before either of them had a chance to give the matter too much thought, Noah distracted them by asking a question about Titania, and conversation shifted towards the mystical world of fairy lands.
After enjoying a delicious dinner and dessert, and spending a little too long on the couch for a weekday evening, Noah stood up tiredly just before nine o'clock, having been instructed to brush his teeth and get into bed.
"Is Uncle Rafa having a sleepover?" he asked tiredly, rubbing his eyes as he spoke.
"Yes" Liv responded, finding herself answering the question with ease and, to her surprise, without hesitation. "Goodnight, Noah" she added warmly, as her son said goodnight to them both then headed into his bedroom. Liv waited until the door closed behind him before turning towards Rafa. "Provided that's alright with you?" she asked gently.
"Of course" Rafa responded, glad of the invitation, and relieved she did not want him to leave, especially after their argument. "Liv" he said gently, his wary tone indicating he was about to broach a subject she may not like. "Given your injury, and the fact I usually stay here for the weekend, would you like me to stay over for the rest of the week?" he offered kindly. "To help you-" he quickly added.
"You don't have to help me, Rafa" she said gently, not wanting him to feel responsible for her or for Noah. "I taught myself how to do things one handed the last time I injured my arm" she advised, referring to her assault at the hands of William Lewis. "But you would be most welcome to stay" she added warmly, trying to move quickly away from that particular subject. "In fact" she continued, rising slowly to her feet and heading towards the kitchen, opening a drawer and removing something which she carried towards him.
Rafa watched as Liv sat down beside him and held her hand out to him, presenting him with a key. He looked from her hand to her eyes.
"It's a key to my apartment" she explained. "It would make sense that you have one" she said simply, trying to make the situation sound much more casual than it felt. She felt her heart begin to race, and warmth pool in her belly, as Rafa smiled softly and nodded in response, accepting the key from her.
"Thank you" he said sincerely. Liv nodded in response.
Sensing her slight unease at the seriousness of the notion, Rafa sought to change the subject.
"I can get us tickets to the matinee of A Midsummer Night's Dream next Saturday" he suggested. "Would that work for you both?" he asked. Liv's expression softened and she smiled.
"That would be great. Noah will love it" Liv advised. "And so will I" she added. Rafa nodded in response and booked the tickets, as Liv leaned back against the couch, basking in a bubble of domesticity.
After enduring a rather restless night's sleep due to the pain in her shoulder, Liv found herself almost relieved to be on leave, though of course she would never admit as much. After getting Noah ready for school and reassuring Lucy that she was fine, Liv enjoyed a long, hot bath, which was entertaining though not relaxing, given her baby's apparent interest in aqua-aerobics. She planned to use her time off constructively, by cleaning Noah's room and removing any clothing which no longer fit him, but after her bath she found her body was most reluctant to even entertain such a notion. And so instead, she changed into an oversized white jumper and black maternity leggings, and spent the day watching British police shows on Netflix, snacking and catnapping throughout the day. Rafa checked in on her in the morning and afternoon between his Court hearings, and she also received texts from Fin, Amanda and Carisi, who were checking in and updating her on current matters, both of which she was grateful for.
When Lucy came home with Noah just after four o'clock, he was delighted to find Liv at home, and eager to show her the drawing of Titania he had been working on, which he wanted to work on that evening. Liv praised the beautiful artwork and set him up with various supplies and an afternoon snack at the table in the living room, as he worked on his project whilst watching cartoons.
Liv was making the most of a post-pain killer energy surge by cleaning the kitchen when there was a knock at the door. Believing it was Rafa being too polite to use his key, Liv rolled her eyes lightly and headed across the room, encouraging Noah to keep drawing when he looked up inquisitively, as she made her way towards the front door.
But as Liv looked through the peephole, it was not the figure of Rafael Barba who stood on the other side of her door. She leaned back in surprise at the sight of the familiar figure, feeling her stomach tighten in discomfort and uncertainty, as she opened the door with hesitant hands.
Familiar eyes met her gaze and held it, a polite smile forming up his lips, as he took a small step closer to the door.
"Hey, Liv" he smiled, as she opened the door wider, feeling his eyes drift down towards her belly and linger there, before meeting his gaze once again with a solemn expression. Liv swallowed thickly.
"Elliot."