***Chapter 65***

**Aria's POV**

"So how is the Carissimi group involved?" I asked, the muscles in my legs, back, and core burning as I struggled to hold my balance and talk.

With one foot forward, my weight over it, the squat and stretch of my back leg's hamstring and tension on my quad made me shake. I breathed in through my nose slowly, concentrating on my posture as I leaned my torso forward with my arms spread out to either side. I glanced over at Spencer, who was working through the Warrior sequence without any issue, or really needing guidance from the tape. Leave it to Spencer to take what was supposed to be a relaxing activity, meant more for meditation and stress relief and turn it into a competition.

"They were on the list of groups that helped to close down Radley. And with it being one of Mrs. D's favorite charities, it makes sense that it might be connected." she explained, sliding deeper into the posture, her legs not seeming to shake the way that mine did.

"And Hanna is okay with giving back the scholarship money? That's a lot of tuition that it would cover." I questioned as I slowly released my breath.

It seemed like a stretch, and not a risk that I would have taken. College scholarships didn't exactly grow on trees, and I at least wouldn't want to give up the possibility of not having as many student loans post graduation. And Hanna didn't really have the money to go to the schools that she had gotten into, seeing as her SAT scores were so unanticipatedly fantastic.

"Yeah, but if Charles is the one giving the money?" her tone left nothing to the imagination, Spencer wouldn't approve of taking anything that Charles had to give.

I didn't know that I had the same scruples. Given how much pain and suffering Charles and A had put us all through, it was like pain and suffering. Hanna deserved to have a great college experience. We all did. As I stretched forward, placing one arm on my front leg and stretching my side more as my upper arm arched high over my head, I wobbled a little on my feet. There was a difference though between having a great experience and it being tainted by owing that to Charles. The idea that he would be tied to whatever positive memories we could make. That any success that came from it would be owed to him. In the same way that I worried that my application for the Cardillo contest would be more a result of Ezra creatively embellishing a recommendation for me. My stomach turned and I wanted to throw up.

"I see your point." I finally replied, swallowing the nausea down.

"And since it's a privately held company, it's not like we can get more info about it another way. They don't exactly have to share their earnings on a report for shareholders. Hanna has a meeting set with some guy named Rhys Matthews, which will get us in and maybe we can see what's going on there." she continued to explain.

"What are you going to leave a listening device in the plants or something?" I was skeptical what all they could get from one meeting at the company. Or the likelihood of not getting caught from a stunt like that.

"No, nothing like that. Just see what's going on. See if maybe there is some clue we could pass over to the cops." she justified, moving into a forward fold.

I mimicked the motion, bringing my feet together and stretching down to hug my legs, it pulled tightly at my hamstrings, but overall was pleasant. A comfortable burn that I knew would feel so much better once I released. I had my doubts about their plan, but they had developed a good idea of when Charles was involved in something, so it could at least let us know if it was really a dead end or not. There were worse ideas out there.

"It's not like we have a lot of other leads." I admitted, following her movements and stepping back into downward dog.

"And even if we did, we aren't exactly sharing with the cops right now." Spencer reminded me, her voice distorted from hanging down and speaking towards her knees.

I wasn't sure what exactly we would share with the cops right now that Charles was so worried about us spilling. It had to be something more than just his name, given that Ali had turned that over days ago. There had been surprisingly little reaction to what was being shared so openly on the news, no follow up threats. Emily hadn't shared any new experiences from Sarah with the group. Everything was unsettlingly status quo. I let my head hang between my arms, allowing my neck to relax as I thought it over. If I was being honest, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Charles had been too quiet for my comfort. Not that I necessarily wanted an A message, but there was always something and it felt like it was building to be something really awful. Like there was too much time spent planning and getting ready for something massive, that he didn't have time to keep up the small everyday threats. It was the awful anxiety of waiting, the calm before the storm that always hit harder than we were ready for.

"Speaking of talking to cops, how are things with Toby?" I questioned, alternating which foot was pressing further into the grass. It stretched the bottoms of my feet which I hadn't noticed before how tight my arches were. I thought switching to wearing more flats and sneakers than the heels that I used to wear almost constantly would have let that part stretch more.

I heard her sigh before looking over and seeing that she had fallen out of even the semblance of yoga postures and was now sitting on her yoga mat, legs crossed over each other. She looked stressed and too worn out. I wondered if she was sleeping alright, the bags beneath her eyes were looking better, back to the normal Spencer levels, as opposed to stressed Spencer that hasn't really slept in a week. Her color was better too, something like a tan had come back into her skin instead of the sickly pale that took over when she was using. She was at least getting out into the sunlight enough to look fairly healthy, despite the several weeks we had all spent underground.

"Not great, he got suspended from the force. They're not sure how long." her shoulders were tight, raised up enough that it felt like the yoga hadn't done anything to relax her.

"But he's talking to you again? I prodded gently, hoping for her sake that Toby wasn't still icing her out. The pain that had been clear in her eyes the other day when she had said he had started texting her again worried me. She was under too much stress already, adding Toby onto that wasn't fair.

"Not exactly. I ran into him outside the station when he got suspended, and he didn't appreciate my trying to help." Spencer responded, her mouth twisted. "He wanted a little space for a few days after that."

I could feel my face settling into a frown as I heard that. Not only that he was pulling away, but that her attempts to help were making it worse. I understood his perspective though, it wasn't like there was much that she could say to his bosses that would actaully make a difference. Even when we weren't being treated as criminals by the Rosewood PD.

"Did it help though?" I had to ask, knowing Spencer she would keep pressing until she had done everything she could.

With a great sigh, she flopped back onto her yoga mat. Her limbs splayed out to either side. I dropped down to the mat as well, spreading my legs out to the side and leaning onto my elbows in the middle. It pulled at the muscles on the inside of my legs, just on the edge of being uncomfortable.

"I didn't go inside." she admitted, staring straight up at the sky instead of looking over at me. "I didn't want to get Toby in any more trouble than I already have."

"Spence," I started, wanting to reassure her that she hadn't been the only reason Toby was in trouble, but that would be a lie. One she would see through immediately.

"Ready for the hot tub?" Spencer abruptly stood up from the ground and gave one last stretch up towards the sky.

"Yeah, sounds good."

The change of topic surprised me, but I could respect that she wanted more time to deal with things right now, especially her feelings. Thinking of the hot tub put me on edge though, and I tried to reassure myself that I meant it sounding good, the heat of the water would be good. Hopefully it would even be relaxing.

I followed her into the house grabbing my bag off the counter and heading towards the bathroom. After making sure the door was locked, I quickly changed into my swimsuit. My skin immediately raising into goosebumps from the exposure to the air. Too cold, especially after the heat I had worked up through the yoga. I wrapped my arms across my exposed stomach, trying to hold the heat into me. But when I turned to the door, reaching for the doorknob, my limbs locked up. I felt exposed. Vulnerable. I pulled my long sleeve shirt back on, pulling it down to cover myself. It was at least long enough to reach down to cover my butt, but it still left my legs uncomfortably bare.

My eyes watered, frustration mixing with shame as my stomach twisted in time to the anxious thumping of my heart. I didn't want to pull my leggings back on, but didn't know if I could face walking out of the bathroom like this. I froze, caught by the indecision, shaking like a leaf. This was a mistake. My breathing picked up, too noisy in the quiet of the bathroom. I should have just left it at the yoga. Shouldn't have tried to push like this. It wasn't safe. He was likely watching. He always was. I shouldn't have come over to see Spencer. It just increased the likelihood of being followed. Of being watched. Wasn't that how this always worked? A silent sob shook my chest, my lungs spasming painfully as the loneliness set in again. The isolation. I gasped, trying to get air that suddenly wasn't there. Pain mixed with pressure closing around my throat. I couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. Didn't dare make a sound.

"Aria? You okay in there?" Spencer's voice sounded lightly from outside the door, pulling me from the spiraling thoughts.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. My voice locked tightly away. She was right there. Just on the other side of that door. Waiting for me. I swallowed hard against the knot that had formed in my throat. My arms wrapped back around my torso, trying to trap the heat that I could. I could do this.

"Yeah, I'll just be a minute." I called back shakily, knowing my voice trembled no matter how much I wanted to keep it steady.

"There's a towel outside the door for you." she informed, pausing for a moment as though waiting for my response. "I'll be in the kitchen when you're ready."

I let my breath out slowly, listening to the soft sounds of her bare feet slapping against the hard wood floors. The towel felt like a peace offering, not only that Spencer was taking care of me, but it also solved the problem I was facing. An easy middle ground between putting my leggings back on and wandering out in nothing but my bikini and shirt. I waited another moment, until I was sure that she had left the hallway, before unlocking the door and reaching out to snag the oversized towel that Spencer had left for me.

The fabric was overly plush, fluffier than most towels. It was also warmer than I had anticipated, like it had been in the dryer for a few minutes, or at the very least a towel warmer. A smile spread across my lips as I wrapped the warmed towel around my hips, letting my shirt hang over the top as the towel covered me to my ankles. I moved to the sink, noting the way the tears had left my eyes red rimmed, before splashing some cool water on my face. It would at least help a little in disguising the fact that I had been on the edge of a breakdown in here.

I felt more comfortable with the warm towel wrapped around me, enough that I didn't hesitate when opening the door again. Spencer was waiting in the kitchen, grabbing a couple of bottles of water out of the fridge when I emerged. She was apparently comfortable in just her bikini, only strings tying it around her, with her towel slung over her left shoulder. It made me wonder about what all punishment she had gone through in the dollhouse. I had never wanted to talk about it with the girls. Or at all. But her standing before me now, obviously comfortable in her skin, despite the fact that she had also woken on the freezing morgue slab in nothing but a sheet, I wanted to ask. Wanted to understand what had happened.

"Ready?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder to me.

I could see her eyes darting over me, taking in what I was wearing. I struggled not to fidget under even the brief scrutiny. Instead, I forced a smile on my face and put my purse back down on the counter.

"Yeah, is it already on?" I questioned, knowing it usually took a little bit to get the hot tub up to a comfortable temperature.

"Yep. Turned it on before I got changed." she moved from the fridge, carrying the water with her as she led the way onto the patio.

I had almost been hoping it still needed more time. Before I had to take off the layers that were currently making me feel safe. I followed her outside anyway, the heat of the afternoon helping to make up for some of the heat that I lost by the lack of layers. The patio on the side of the house that they had set up for the hot tub was away from the street and not in direct line of sight to the neighbors either. They had at least put up privacy screens that kept anyone soaking in the hot tub from being seen by anyone not in the small area. I wondered if that was Mr. or Mrs. Hastings' decision. I pushed the thought away as I moved to the small table where Spencer was putting the water bottles down, within easy reach of the hot tub. Spencer dipped her fingers into the bubbling water and gave a little nod, before she dropped her towel on the rack to the side and climbed in.

I took a steadying breath before pulling the long shirt off, feeling the cool air hit my skin. I tossed it over the rack quickly, draping my towel over it. Then slid into the hot water. I released a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, and my eyes shut with the pleasure as the heat surrounded me, burrowing into my skin. The yoga had been good for stretching, but this was so much better. I could feel the tension that had clung to my limbs melting away. My eyes stayed closed as I settled onto the bench seat, letting my head fall back to rest on the edge of the tub.

I could feel Spencer watching me. Wondering when she would break the silence. Spencer never stayed quiet for long, especially not when she had something on her mind.

"You look relaxed." she commented, it wasn't a judgment but it felt like a lead up to something.

I opened my eyes, tilting my head up so I could look at her. Her posture hadn't softened in the water. In fact, she looked as stressed out as she had before. The rigid set to her body clearly defensive, but it was her normal. She was sticking straight out of the water, shoulders still above the waterline.

"The water feels nice, you should try it." I nodded my head to indicate her not sinking in to the water completely.

She rolled her eyes, but leaned back into the water, settling herself in front of one of the jets. She kept her eyes on me though, even as I watched some of the tension ease out of the line of her shoulders, letting them dip further down and away from her ears.

"I'm glad to see you relaxing. I was a little worried." she continued her thought. "You've been dressing warmly despite the weather."

I felt wrong footed, despite my sitting down already. I shifted under the water, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of being observed. Being seen at a level that I hadn't recognized before. It was Spencer though, she was safe. I trusted her. I breathed out slowly, trying to soothe the anxiety that was ticking slowly up.

"Is it the cold? Or the clothes?" she asked, cutting straight to the core.

"Both really." I shifted again, keeping the bulk of my body beneath the water but crossing my arms across my stomach defensively. "My room in the dollhouse was freezing cold most days. It feels like the cold crept in when we woke up before going to our rooms. And it's never left."

The words came out without me thinking about it. I normally would have held back, not shared what had happened when we were separated. I had already shared more of what had happened to me than the other girls had. They knew that he came into my room, which he hadn't done with any of them. It made me wonder what he had done to them. What brought out the screams that I had heard echoing through my room over the course of our separation.

"What did he do to you? I thought the cold rooms might be for everyone, since it was part of the game." I turned it back on her, maybe this was her trying to get a chance to talk about what had happened. Wanting to open up.

"He didn't let me sleep for a long time. Alarms would play anytime I closed my eyes. It got to the point that I couldn't keep my eyes open, they watered so much." she looked away from me, unable to make eye contact and I looked again at the dark circles beneath her eyes. Little wonder they had looked so much worse when we were reunited. "Then he'd send me to the game room. Make me do exercises in my room, until I collapsed."

It was interesting, that he had pushed her physically to the max. Most of my days had been spent without the energy or desire to even get out of the bed. I was moved around more than I moved myself.

"Did he feed you?" I asked, nodding when she motioned towards the waterbottles.

"Not most days. It made it harder for me to stay awake. My body just kept giving out."

I wondered if that was something consistent with the others as well. I wasn't sure who all had gotten the vitamins and supplements from the doctors when we all checked out. I looked back at Spencer, she was fidgeting, like there was something else that she still wasn't saying.

"He made me think I killed someone." she was staring straight at her water bottle, unable to look at me. "That girl I asked you about. From my nightmare."

My mouth went dry. That she had tried to talk to me about this before, and I had shut her down. Too afraid to face what had happened beneath the ground to help her. I was still afraid. My heart still raced when thinking about it. But I needed to be there for her. In the same way that she offered me the towel to soothe the strain of something as simple as going to the hot tub. I reached my hand out, catching on hers and giving her a reassuring squeeze. I was here. She wasn't alone.

"I hadn't slept in days before I passed out, I just couldn't handle it anymore. And when I woke up, I was covered in blood." her hand had turned from the water bottle to hold me back. Her long fingers intertwining with mine. "There was a trail of blood on the ground, like a body had been dragged out of my room."

Her voice had risen in pitch, I could hear the tension in her voice, like she was about to break down into tears. I moved from my side of the hot tub over to sit next to her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders so I could hold onto her.

"Spencer." I started, trying to reassure her.

"It wasn't real." she sobbed out, turning into me. "The girl, it was a picture I had seen in Radley."

I stroked her hair, letting her get it out. The tears streaking onto my collarbone as she grabbed onto me. I coudn't imagine the stress that had put her through. Not knowing what had happened in that place. I had every moment forever seared into my memory, even if the marks had already faded from my skin. Every piece of it was burned into me, my sins written down in that notebook.

"You wouldn't hurt someone like that. I know that. The others know that." I tried to soothe her, the words not feeling like enough. "But even if you had, it wouldn't be your fault, Spence. We would still love you."

She gripped me tighter, holding me as though letting go would break her. She pulled up after a moment, face streaked with tears and her eyes were still red. The waterbottle that had been gripped in her hand was crushed beyond use, and had been dunked into the water. Her face was distraught as she looked at me, confusion in her face.

"How couldn't it change things? Aria, before the dollhouse I thought I had killed Ali. Then he made me think I killed some innocent little girl. Or maybe one of you? How doesn't that change things? I get angry and I lose control." she tried to argue, as though she could turn me against her.

"But you didn't, Spencer. You never have." I reassured her. "Yeah, sometimes you lose it and it gets out. But you never hurt people."

"But I could." she tried again, the self-loathing and desperation to warn me off her aching clear.

"We still love Emily." I cut her off, not letting her continue. "Even after Nate, that didn't change things. She's still Emily."

Her mouth opened again, like she was going to dismiss it.

"And I think you all still love me." the words threatened to stick in my mouth, but I pressed on, despite the unshed ears building in my eyes. "Even after Shana."

It hurt me to say her name. I tried to avoid thinking about it, whenever I could. Spencer needed me though, needed to know that it was okay. Looking over at her, I saw her face drop in surprise. Like she had forgotten what both Emily and I had done, worried that she would be the monster. I pushed down on the guilt that always rose up when the thoughts about Shana re-emerged, knowing that right now my focus needed to be on Spencer.

"Nothing that happened in the dollhouse was our faults." I soothed her, wanting to get back to that, as somehow that was the safer topic. "We can all get pushed too far, and Charles is really good at figuring out how to push us."

The words were like an absolution that I hadn't realized that I should give myself. Sure we had talked about how we all thought we had been made to hurt each other. But even though I knew the other girls had gone through the same thing, I had still felt responsible enough that I deserved the abuse from Charles at night.

That seemed to be what Spencer needed to hear as well, as her head tilted back and she completely pulled away from me. She brushed away the tears from her face, shaking her head a little as though to get the stray hairs from out of her face.

I moved back over to the other side of the hot tub, sinking back beneath the hot water, feeling it scorch the skin that had been exposed to the cold air. Once I had settled back down, I looked her over again, after she had a few moments to put herself back together. At least now her shoulders were more relaxed, though the waterbottle was gone from her hands, undoubtedly dropped over the side.

"Is the dollhouse why you've been pulling away more?" she asked, turning her bright eyes back on me.

"What do you mean? I haven't been pulling away." I was shocked at the suggestion. "I've just been doing my assignments for school since I haven't been back."

The look on her face said it all. Maybe I had been lying to myself, I'd been pretending it was just my schoolwork keeping me from spending time with the girls. After all, we had a lot of work to catch up on. But as the pile of schoolwork had dwindled, and I'd had the same amount of reason not to meet up for the few leads that there were to pursue.

"You've missed a couple of check-ins." she corrected. "What's going on, Aria?"

My mouth opened, ready to say someting to justify or mitigate her concerns. Nothing came out. Nothing even came to mind. There wasn't some easy story I could go with, and when it came down to it, I didn't even want to lie to Spencer. There were so many people in my life that I had to lie to and keep secrets from. It was what made our friendship different than our relationships with everyone else in the world.

"I'm scared." the words finally came out, woefully insufficient.

"Of what?" she leaned towards me, like she was ready to reach across the hot tub to comfort me this time.

"Of whatever fallout there's going to be from Ali telling the cops about Charles." the fear sent it all tumbling out in a rush. "There's always something and the fact that he hasn't done anything, despite Ali ignoring his threat. I can't take it."

I gulped down some water, hoping it might ease the terror that was taking over me. My face felt overly hot, either sweat or tears running down my face. I pressed the bottle to my face, feeling the condensation sliding down my face.

"Why pull away?"

"He tends to send things when we're all together." I answered with a shrug.

"That's it?" she raised her eyebrow skeptically. "Aria, whether we're together or not he's going to do something. We can't just avoid it by being alone. Not to mention that he deliberately tries to break up our friendships so we'll be alone."

I didn't want to admit it, but she was right. It had been foolish to think that it would delay the inevitable. She kept staring at me, waiting for the real reason. My tongue felt thick in my mouth, I swallowed more water. The cold liquid giving me an excuse for a moment not to answer.

"Aria?" she prompted.

"All we ever do is talk about Charles. Or Ali disappearing." I didn't know where it came from, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew they were true. "Spending time with other people, it means I can pretend to be normal."

The tears were rolling thickly down my face, feeling ashamed that I had been avoiding them. Trying to ignore the reality of our lives. And leaving the others to deal with it without me. Could this have been over if I hadn't been ignoring clues? If I hadn't shut down when Spencer tried to include me in things, not taken a closer tlook at things like the bottle of dye left for me. Or even showing them that creepy doll that had gotten shoved away somewhere in my closet. Too afraid to throw it away, but unable to look at it. I shook the thought away, not able to go down that road.

"I don't even know what normal friendships look like anymore." I tried to make it into a joke, huffing a laugh that I didn't feel. "What do teenage girls do anyway?"

Spencer laughed with me, letting me take the out. "Shopping, I think. Maybe studying or getting mani-pedis?"

It sounded nice, being able to go out and spend time with the girls in a fun and relaxed way. I missed that so much, the relaxed easy days of sunbathing or hanging around that we used to do before Ali disappeared.

"We could see if Emily and Hanna want to come over for a movie night?" she posed the question. "Haven't done that in a while."

The guilt eased in my body, letting me sink fully into the warm of the tub, muscles relaxing. It would probably be an argument over what movie to watch, Hanna would insist on a rom com, while Spencer and I would try to argue for an old black and white movie. Emily always played peacemaker, getting us to agree on something while she made up the popcorn. I felt the easy smile on my face at the thought.

"Yeah, that sounds good."

**End Chapter**

Hope y'all like this one, as you can probably tell I'm expanding the timeline ot from the show a fair bit. Let me know what ya think.