CW/TW: This chapter contains in depth conversation around abortion and medical procedures. If this is a sensitive subject and upsetting for you there is no plot lost by skipping this chapter and continuing to the next, which will be updated next Friday, rather than in 2 weeks.

As a research note: This is fiction and I'm not a doctor, I try my best to research well, but please forgive me any inaccuracies. Research for this chapter came from Planned Parenthood.

Chapter 71*

Aria's POV*

Stress was making my guts churn harshly, the coffee that was sitting in a mostly empty stomach threatening to come back up. I had taken my anti-nausea meds and was hoping that they would be up to the task today. It felt like I was depending on them way too much lately. That and alternating between ginger cookies and mint tea was getting me through the day.

"Thank you for being here." I spit out, looking over at Jason, trying to fill the awkward silence.

He squeezed my hand, our seats in the waiting room already close together. Close enough that I was already leaning into him, with his jacket wrapped protectively around me. The slightly spicy, musk scent of his cologne keeping the astringent clinical smell, and at least some of the nausea, at bay.

"You don't have to keep telling me that. I'm just glad I can be here for you." he repeated again, which to be fair I had already thanked him at least five times. Just since we had arrived in the parking lot.

His head shifted against mine, tilting so he could press a kiss to the top of my head. I held onto him just a little tighter. I knew that we were a predictable picture, him obviously comforting me in the clinic while I waited for my appointment. Anyone glancing at us would know exactly what was going on. Or at least some version of it. It might not be a hundred percent accurate, since anyone passing by would automatically assume we were a couple. But as I leaned into Jason, trying to relax the tense muscles in my back and neck which were threatening to cramp, I realized that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Having him here with me took some of the focus off of me, it was nice to have him as my support. Instead of a lone young woman, who might be recognizable from the pictures that they had shared on the news during my time in the bunker, I was part of a couple. Easily dismissed. The warmth that spread from him to me helped to relax my muscles, and let my stiff fingers release. I turned my head into his shoulder, blocking out the room around us and focusing on not freaking out.

We weren't alone in the waiting room, there were a couple of older women, also seemingly waiting for appointments. A twenty something year old man was at the counter, talking to the nurse for intake. As well as a teenager, no one I recognized but looking younger than me, who was waiting alone, her knees kept shaking and the sound was slowly taking over my attention. The way her jeans slid against each other and the plastic chair was somehow the loudest thing in the room.

"Miss Montgomery?" I heard my name being called and my breath froze in my lungs.

I looked up from Jason's shoulder, seeing an older grey haired woman in scrubs with a clipboard standing at the secured door back into the rest of the clinic. Her braided hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, letting some of the braids shift around her head as she looked around the room seeing who reacted. I hesitantly raised my hand, like I was in school, and saw the recognition in her face when she spotted me.

My legs were shaky as I stood up from my seat, Jason's hand leaving mine as he moved his arm behind me to help support me up. I leaned into him a little, before reaching for his hand again, needing the reassurance. He let me walk through the door first, his warm solid presence comforting against my back as I moved into the smaller hallway. It was laid out just like a standard doctor's office, I don't know why I was expecting something different. But the familiar hallway leading towards a large central area where nurses could file their paperwork before spreading to exam rooms was strangely reassuring. The walls were a clean but boring tan, and my shoes sounded against the linoleum floor.

"How are you doing today?" the nurse tried to make small talk as we walked down the hall.

My throat was tight, my mouth too dry. The need to be silent threatening to overcome me. I squeezed Jason's hand, hoping he would understand that I couldn't talk right now.

"Alright, just a little anxious, I think. How are you?" he replied back, saving me from having to respond and squeezing my hand back in reassurance.

"I'm doing well, thank you." the nurse replied, her tone a little tighter than it had been just a moment before, like she was forcing a smile despite facing away from us. "We're going to stop over here real quick."

Before heading into an exam room, I had to pause at a little alcove and let them take my weight, passing my purse and jacket over to Jason. I looked away from the nurse and the number, not really wanting to focus on this right now. Then she led us into the exam room.

"Please take a seat." she motioned me towards the patient bed, while Jason moved to the side. He still had my purse and jacket, well his jacket, and set my bag down on the floor next to the chair.

I settled on the edge of the bed, letting my feet hang above the floor since the bed was too high for me to let my feet touch. The nurse sat down on the short stool that had been sitting over by the counter.

"So Miss Montgomery, what brings you in today?" her question was so mundane, so generic that I could feel my jaw slacken.

I opened my mouth to respond, but my breath caught in my throat. I didn't know how to respond. Looking over to Jason, he gave me a nod, face reassuring. I so wanted to just be able to keep my mouth shut, let him do the talking, but I knew I needed to say it myself. Swallowing down the panic, I turned back to the nurse, her attention was fixed solely on me. I cleared my throat, hoping it would allow my voice out.

"I want to terminate a pregnancy." the words were choked out, shaking on the air.

I watched her nod her head, not surprised at all by what I had said. Like she heard this every day. Which given her workplace, I guess she might. "Alright, do you know how far along you are?"

"About six weeks." I answered, licking at my overly dry lips anxiously as I recalled what I'd been told the previous week when I had found out.

She wrote it down on her clipboard, the sound of her pen scratching against paper the only sound in the room. I tried not to fidget on the exam bed, the thin paper covering made so much noise from any movement I made, betraying my discomfort and fear of attention.

"I'm going to take your vitals, then Dr. Mills will come in and talk to you about options. Alright?"

I nodded my head, not wanting to talk if I didn't have to. She seemed to accept that as she set the clipboard down on the counter and began moving around the room to take my bloodpressure. The cuff was uncomfortable, but I tried to breathe through it. It wasn't the worst thing I had gone through in the last week even. I stared at the blank beige walls, letting her maneuver and direct me for the processes. Finally, she finished and collected her clipboard.

"I'll let the doctor know you're ready." she informed before going out the door, leaving it slightly ajar as she went.

"Are you doing okay?" Jason asked, moving towards me as soon as she had stepped out.

I nodded my head, knowing that it wasn't convincing. But I didn't realize that I was shaking until Jason wrapped his coat back around me. I leaned into him, shoving my face into his shoulder. His arms wrapped around me, hand tracing up to the back of my head and smoothing my hair.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want. Say the word and we'll leave." his voice was low, unjudgmental and supportive, no matter what I chose as he offered me an out.

I felt tears burning at my eyes, I didn't need an out. At least not that out. Leaving now meant having to deal with the consequences of the bunker beyond just today. Instead of finally being done with it, moving forward it would be trapping myself in that cold little room again. That was what I needed to escape from, not to run away from the stress of this moment. I shook my head against him, taking a deep breath before pulling back enough so he could hear me.

"I want to stay." my voice was a little scratchy from trying to hold back the tears.

"Whatever you want." he assured, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

I wrapped my arms around him. Taking the reassurance that I needed from him. I had managed to get my tears subdued, though a few soaked into his shirt, by the time that I heard a knock at the door.

"Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt." a woman's voice sounded, causing Jason to pull away from me.

"Sorry." Jason apologized, moving enough away to the side that I could see the doctor. I tried to hold onto his hand though, wanting to keep him nearby for support. His presence offering safety when I felt like an island.

She was older than the nurse, her black hair cut close to her head. And large black framed glasses overwhelmed her angular face. The stethoscope the only real sign she was the doctor, as the nurse had been wearing scrubs and she instead wore a lilac blouse and black slacks. She moved into the room, passing by Jason who had managed to move far enough to the side without releasing my hand, and taking up the seat on the stool. She settled the clipboard on her lap, seemingly the same one that the nurse had just been using.

"So Miss Montgomery, how are you doing today?" she started, confusing me.

I wasn't expecting her to start with small talk. Was that normal for doctors? I know that Dr. Edmonds had been more friendly than most doctors, but I had assumed that was because of what she knew had happened to me. Most of the other times that I had seen doctors they weren't really that friendly. They had too many things they needed to attend to for them to make small talk and build relationships, I imagined that was doubly so in this type of clinic where they probably had an ever changing patient-base.

"I'm alright." my voice was shaky as I lied, admitting I wasn't wouldn't change anything.

She nodded, eyes flickering over to Jason for a moment before turning back to me. "I'm Dr. Mills, but you can call me Lisa."

I forced a smile. Not really wanting to make small talk. It was nerve wracking enough just being here, and this felt like I was being forced to go through the motions of formality when I just wanted to get out. I felt my fingers starting to dig into my legs through my jeans, it kept my nails from digging directly in to my skin, but not the pressure from building in my fingertips.

"I understand that you're here wanting to get an abortion, is that right?" she asked, glancing down at her clipboard as though for reference.

I swallowed, trying to clear the lump in my throat, before responding in a soft voice. "Yes, that's right."

She nodded slowly, watching me for a moment, clearly looking for something in my demeanor. I wasn't sure just what before she continued. "It seems like you're a little stressed. I take it that's why you have a friend here to support you?"

Her gaze cut over to Jason before returning to me. Was there something wrong with Jason coming in with me? She wasn't about to make him leave, right? I tried to control the trembling that was taking over my body, the warmth of Jason's leather jacket and cologne not enough to keep out the cold of the exam table that was leaching up through my pants.

"Yeah, that's right." I managed to get out, despite my voice wavering awfully. My fingers spasmed against my legs, pressing into the denim texture to try and remind myself that I was safe. This was my choice, just like my clothing was.

"You look cold." she observed, brows furrowing in a crease, then she looked over at Jason. "Would you be so kind as to step out into the hall and ask Nurse Tasha to bring in a warmed blanket?"

I looked over to Jason, seeing the concern on his face for me. I gave him a nod, letting him know that I would be okay. I was trying to convince myself that I was safe with this doctor.

"I'll be back in just a minute." Jason promised me, giving a nod to the doctor before heading out the door.

It was an obvious move to get him to leave. Which we were both aware of. I shifted on the exam table when the door closed behind him, leaving me alone with a stranger. The paper crinkled loudly in the silence as I moved, able to cover up the thumping of my heart.

"I'm sorry if that was abrupt. But before we continue this conversation, I needed to make sure that this was really something that you wanted and that you're safe." her face softened as she looked at me. "No one has the right to pressure you into anything. So, is an abortion truly what you want, Miss Montgomery?"

I was shaking on the table, terrified of what had happened that made her question if Jason was pressuring me into this. My vision was blurring from the tears and stress of the moment. I was shaking my head, trying to dismiss her concerns. "He's not pressuring me into anything. This was my idea."

My vision was too blurred to see any movement coming, so when a hand reached out and touched mine I had no warning. Instead a sob threatening to break out as I flinched backwards, pulling my arms in tight to protect my body. The hand pulled away as soon as I moved, leaving me trembling on the exam table.

"Miss Montgomery, are you okay?" a voice sounded, familiar and too distant.

I nodded my head, despite the shaking that was still controlling me. After a moment, I heard the door open and footsteps sounded. Terror mingling with frustration that I was still here, back to being terrified of touch. Of being trapped. I wanted out. I needed out. The room was too small, shrinking down to encapsulate me in the cold air.

"Aria, are you okay? What happened?" Jason's voice cut through the ragged sound of my breathing.

I shook my head in response, managing to crack my eyes open to see him. He moved over to me, wrapping his arms around me. And I shoved myself into him, once more burrowing my face into his chest. His voice was mumbling assurances above me, but all I needed right now was warmth. Safety from being trapped in here with someone I didn't know. A sob finally managed to make its way out of my throat and was smothered by the fabric of his shirt, covering up the low keening noise that was coming from me. He was saying something about counting with him, keeping my breaths slow and easy. It was hard to breathe, to try and regulate the few ragged inhales I managed between my lungs freezing in panic. But slowly, the sound of my crying was quiet enough that I could focus on the sound of his voice, telling me to breathe, that it was okay. The smell of his cologne and skin filtering to my brain again, proving that I wasn't there, I wasn't trapped. I was safe.

Slowly, I pulled back, just enough to be able to see him, breathing cool air rather than what had been warmed against our bodies. His hand brushed up and into my hair, slow and reassuring.

"You okay?" he asked, eyes moving across my face looking for confirmation that I had my feelings under control again.

"Yeah, I'm okay." my voice was thick from crying and I could feel the congestion in my nose and the heat in my eyes.

"Will you be okay if I move to grab you a tissue? Or do you need me to hold you a little longer?" his mouth tilted slightly in a smile, and I almost wanted to take him up on the offer to stay here, but I needed to blow my nose, and wipe the tears from my face.

I gave a nod, instantly feeling the cold come back with a vengeance when he moved away. It sent a shiver through me, but my head cleared enough to take in my surroundings again. We were alone once more in the exam room, the doctor who had been here when I started panicking and freaking out was gone.

"Where did Dr. Mills go?" I asked as he brought me a tissue from the box on the counter.

"She stepped out, said she wanted to give us a couple minutes of privacy." he explained, standing nearby but not close enough to resume contact.

I wiped at my tears before blowing my nose, feeling the pressure ease and suddenly I could breathe better. He moved the garbage can closer, letting me toss the tissue away while staying seated on the bed.

"Are you doing better?" he questioned, looking me in the eyes to see if I really was going to be able to handle this.

I took a shaky breath, wanting to be totally fine. But I wasn't in the best place, and being left alone with someone I didn't know wasn't helping anything. Still, if that was what I needed to do in order to get this all over with, I would do it. I straightened up, setting my shoulders down and trying to look strong, since I certainly didn't feel strong.

"I think so." my voice sounded better at least, less breathy and shaky now than it had been before.

A knock sounded at the door and I took a steadying breath. I needed to do this. It wasn't like things were going to get any easier by waiting and avoiding. "Come in."

The door opened slowly and Dr. Mills came back through, the clipboard and a blanket in her arms. She smiled, clearly trying to be reassuring, despite her caution. "Are you doing alright, Miss Montgomery?"

Panic threatened to claw its way up my throat, stealing away my voice. I needed to do this. Needed to shove the emotions that wanted to rise up down where they couldn't hurt me.

"Please call me Aria." I asked, hoping that would help ease some of the tension. To be treated more familiarly than by my last name. For some reason it seemed to grate at my frayed nerves.

"Alright, Aria. How are you feeling?" she tried again, moving closer in the small exam room. "I have a blanket if that would help you feel a little warmer."

"Thank you." I could feel the tension and fear beginning to climb up again, threatening to pull me down, but I steadied my nerves trying to hold it together.

The blanket was slightly scratchy, but the warmth felt good against my skin as I settled it over my legs. Heat sunk in through my jeans and I felt a little easier in my seat, better able to ignore the cold that threatened to sink in and consume me.

"I apologize for upsetting you earlier, unfortunately with the work that I do, sometimes people are forced to act against their desires." she apologized, resuming her seat on the stool. "Are you comfortable continuing our conversation?"

I blinked in surprise, this wasn't what I had been expecting. If we continued at all, I had thought she might just ignore my outburst of emotion and get down to business. I did appreciate the care that she was putting in to make sure that I was safe and comfortable though.

"Yeah, I think I'm okay. I want to continue."

"Very well, the first thing that I want to ask about is if your primary care provider has done any blood test regarding your iron and B12 levels."

I could feel my forehead crinkling in confusion about how that mattered. But Dr. Edmonds had in fact had that tested. "Yes, she said that I was anemic, and put me on some supplements. Is that important?"

"It could explain some of the cold that you are experiencing, and blood loss can make that worse. The procedures that we can do to terminate a pregnancy typically result in some blood loss and can deplete your iron levels more."

Tension closed in around my heart, a fist of emotions that had to be pushed aside. I breathed, ignoring the way that my lungs burned from the squeezing sensation in my chest.

"Is this safe?" Jason questioned, his voice clearly concerned as he moved in closer to me. I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders and it helped to have him there. The aching squeeze eased ever so slightly, warmth burrowing into my body and stalling the wave of anxiety that wanted to swallow me.

"There can be some complications. But to be transparent, depending on how deficient you are continuing through a pregnancy could also have complications." she explained patiently.

"So what are my options?" I leaned into Jason's touch, taking the comfort to try and stay strong through this.

"For terminating, there are really two options we could do here. The first is what we call a medicated abortion, it's really only recommended through 9 weeks of pregnancy. It's one that people tend to feel a little more comfortable with, as it feels less invasive for patients. You would take two types of pills, the first of which is meant to halt the progression of a pregnancy, the second signals the body to end the pregnancy, it causes the embryo and amniotic sac to detach much as it would during an early miscarriage." her tone was clinical and slow, making it easy to follow what she meant. "The second is an in-clinic procedure that would require some level of sedation and a minor operation be completed. This procedure is typically recommended for termination later in pregnancy, and is more invasive."

Taking the lead from her clinical approach, I weighed the options in my head. The panic that seemed to rise like a brutal tide every time she said abortion threatened to send me back to the blubbering mess of fear that I had been minutes before. I wanted time to think it over, but the looming deadline of 9 weeks before something invasive sent spasms of panic down my back. I couldn't do that. Could barely do this. With a deep breath, I ruthlessly shoved the panic and fear down. It wasn't helping me right now, as it locked my body in place. I just needed logic to get through this. Everything else was for later.

And logically, I knew. There was really only one choice. "How would I do the medicated one?"

"Like I said, there are two types of pills, the first is called mifeprestone you can take that orally, it doesn't typically have a lot of side effects, but some people feel nausea. The timing on when you take the second type of pills, the misoprostol, is dependent on how you choose to take them. Placing them in your cheek or under your tongue and holding them there can be done 24-48 hours after the first medication. It's important that you don't swallow them, as that will limit their efficacy, and really just make you feel sick. The other way would be to insert the pills vaginally, which you can do right away after taking the mifeprestone. Before you take the misoprostol, we recommend taking some pain medication about 30 minutes before, Ibuprofen tends to work well, as it should cause bleeding and cramping, similar to a heavy period."

I pushed the discomfort at the best way to take the pill down, I would deal with that later. There would be time to figure that out when the moment came. I focused my mind on getting through this appointment. Knowing that the longer this dragged on, the more likely Charles would find out about it. There was an invisible clock counting down until this wasn't my choice anymore. Panic again surged up towards me at the thought, but I pushed it back down. Shoving awareness away from me and focusing on getting this over with.

"Okay, I want to do the medicated route." my voice sounded distant to my ears, like I wasn't the one talking anymore.

This whole thing felt like it was happening to someone else, watching the decision making process like I wasn't really the one working through it all. It was like all my feelings and emotions were trapped behind a glass pane, one that I could look at if I wanted, but it didn't feel relevant to me right now. Even the cold that had slowly creeped back through my body didn't seem important right now. My body wasn't shaking and shivering the way that it normally did in the cold. Instead it was like cool water was filtering through my veins, chilling down to the bone, but leaving only stark awareness to the logical thought. This was a play, being acted out in front of me, but not anything that I really had a stake in. Despite the logical part of my brain knowing that this was my life that was passing by.

I watched as Dr. Mills nodded her head, making a note on her clipboard before looking back up at me and continuing. "You should start to bleed within about 4 hours of taking the second medication, if you don't we'll want you to call in and we'll determine if you need to take another dose or not. I'll prescribe two to you so you have them ready to go, just in case. You can collect them from the counter in the lobby. If you don't already have some, you should get some pads to use for the day or so after, it will let you keep a better eye on how much bleeding you have.

"You'll also feel pretty tired for a few days afterwards, especially with your low iron levels. But after a few days, you should start to feel better, please make sure to continue taking the supplements that you were prescribed, they'll help make you feel better sooner. You might have some issues with nausea and even a fever for the first 24 hours, if that continues you'll need to see a doctor, either coming back here or going to your primary care provider. I'll include some aftercare instructions with your paperwork as well, that way you can make the best choices for you going forward.

"I know that was a lot. Do you have any questions?" she concluded.

"No, I don't think so." it had been a lot of information, but it didn't seem overwhelming.

With how distant everything felt right now, it was easy to keep the directions and what I was likely to go through away from feeling like actual consequences. Instead, it seemed so straightforward and like I could close this door behind me soon.

"Alright, I'll put in the order to the pharmacy so they can have that for you. Nurse Tasha will be back in soon with your summary paperwork and the aftercare information I was mentioning." she seemed almost worried when she looked at me again. "Are you sure you're alright, Aria?"

I forced a bland smile on my stiff face, the signal slower than usual, since it felt like I was puppeting it from a distance. There was a strange disconnect to the sensation. But I gave a nod anyway. "Yes, I'm fine."

She gave a nod and left the room, the door coming to a soft close behind her. The silence crawled over me, taking over the room with a high ringing quality. I felt Jason move, he had let go of my shoulders before, while I had been talking to the doctor and I just hadn't realized. Now warmth was coming back to my skin as he stood nearby, while the cold blanket now across my lap felt overly heavy and thick.

"Aria, are you okay? You don't look good." he sounded concerned, and looking at him I could see the worry on his face.

I flashed the smile again, it felt tight and strange on my lips. Like my muscles were sluggish in responding to the action and so the feedback was off. I opened my mouth to respond, to tell him how I was, but suddenly the feelings that were behind glass threatened to bubble up again. I swallowed them down. Instead just nodding again.

He seemed to understand then, somehow having insight into what was going on in my head. The way that it seemed he did when I was freaking out. I wondered at how he was able to do that. And guessed it was related to his experience counseling people, he was strangely adept at reading expressions and guessing what was going on. He'd done it with Mike the year before, after all.

A knock at the door kept him from being able to respond, as Nurse Tasha walked back in, a small paper bag in her hands along with a thin stack of papers. "Alright, Aria, I have your post-visit instructions here. It also has a summary of the medications that you'll be taking with you. As well as a pregnancy test, that you can use a few days after the abortion has ended."

I felt the papers go into my cold, stiff hands. They were rough against my skin and I didn't want to look at them now. Jason offered me my purse and I tucked them inside. Tasha hadn't moved further into the room, and I guessed that meant we were good to leave. She led us out back through the same corridor that we had walked down before, opening the door back to the waiting room and directing us over to the reception counter again. It seemed like the lighting of the room had changed drastically since we had left it earlier, probably something to do with the intensity of the lightbulbs, given the lack of natural light coming in to the clinic. Still it felt like a lot of time had passed.

My focus was waning as I checked out with the receptionist, signing off on some paperwork for the medication that I was collecting and then depositing another paper bag into my purse. Cold was sweeping through my body and fogging over my mind. As we headed for the elevator, I felt Jason's warm hand take mine, tying me to reality. The artificial lights made it seem like the world was greyer than it ought to be. Like the color was slightly bleached out, the intensity turned down.

But even as we stepped out of the automatic doors into the sunlight, it didn't seem like the color was back in the world. A filter was laid over everything. My body was moving on autopilot, turning to head back to Jason's car. I needed to get home, not have to deal with things for a few painful hours. That was all I needed.

"Aria?" an unexpected male voice questioned me, causing me to turn around.

Standing across from me on the sidewalk of the building was Ezra.

End Chapter*

Hey all, hope you enjoyed this chapter, I know it gets pretty clinical there, but I wanted to highlight the detachment there. Let me know what ya think