Chapter 14: Another Drink
He was dozing on the bridge when it happened.
Merrit had been laying back in his chair, dreaming of his children when it came to him, a sensation through the Force, a tremor that pulled him away from a distant world and the laughter of those that were a part of him.
He sat up quickly, a frown on his face.
What…?
He looked around the bridge.
What was that?!
He could not touch the light side anymore, but that didn't mean he didn't know it when he felt it. It was like seeing someone shining a glow rod in a shadowy room, He could almost see it, but he couldn't touch it, as if he was outside the room, looking through a window.
An alarm went off on the control board, followed by Bayla's screaming.
"MERRIT! HELP! FIRE! FIRE!"
He was on his feet in moments. CeeCee beat him to Bayla's cabin, but only because the droid was in the main cabin when she shouted.
Merrit blinked.
What?
What had happened?
A dozen tiny fires burned in Bayla's room! They were having trouble spreading, but a fire on a starship was still a serious thing.
"WHAT HAPPENED," he exclaimed.
"SORRY," Bayla responded, slapping out the closest flame with her bare hands.
"I'm sorry," she repeated again.
"Step back, Poppet," the droid called out, raising its left hand.
Fire extinguishing foam sprayed from a compartment in its appendage.
Merit pulled the girl back, and was surprised once more…
…he…he felt it.
A gentle breeze on his cheek, and wetness, that tasted of rain.
How?
That…that wasn't possible.
"Leave, Back-up," he ordered.
"We will handle this."
"I'm sorry," the girl murmured, slipping out into the cabin.
He went to grab another fire extinguisher, but the small flames were already out, with minimal damage done, and on the smell of burnt plastic and paper to mark their existence.
Merrit looked around quickly, he had felt a breeze, on a starship, that was not a good thing. It suggested a possible hull breach, but he didn't feel it anymore, and there were no alarms from the ship's computer.
CeeCee paused, its round head moving back and forth, scanning.
"I'm detecting no more heat signatures, Captain. The fires are out."
Merrit nodded, once again looking around.
"CeeCee, are you detecting anything, ship hull weakness, problems with the environmental systems?"
The droid paused, tilting its head slightly, after years of serving on this vessel, the computer system of the Knightfire had molded itself around the droid's CPU, at the equivalent of a counterpart level.
The droid shook its head.
"Everything is functioning normally, no alerts detected."
It turned to him.
"You are referring to the wind and moisture in the air a moment ago, yes?"
Fallenstar nodded.
"I picked that up as well, since I'm not picking up any mechanical failures, I must put it down as human interaction."
He looked at the droid.
"Human interaction?" Merrit asked.
"A Force thing," the droid replied.
"Spending decades working with a Force sensitive, you learn to accept the unusual."
He nodded.
That made sense.
Jas and CeeCee had been partners for decades. Who knew what odd things the droid had seen in that time. The Force could do things that even Jedi didn't understand.
CeeCee turned its optic on him.
"You should speak with Bayla. I fear that something is wrong."
Merrit gave the droid an arched look.
"Why me? You know her far better than I do."
"I helped raise her, yes, but this…what happened is far beyond my programming. You are a Force sensitive as well, you are better suited to speak with her if something is amiss."
Merrit considered that.
If Backup needed something…?
At the same time, the old worries came back. The vision that he had seen…
"That may be unwise, CeeCee."
The droid's posture changed, it seemed frustrated.
"What is going on with you two?" it demanded.
"Nothing is going on," Merrit insisted.
"No, something is, you two have barely talked since we left the station. We have been in space almost six days and you two have barely said a word to each other. She has stuck to her cabin, and you have exiled yourself to the bridge."
Merrit's eyes narrowed.
"What are you saying, CeeCee?"
"I'm saying that you are avoiding each other, hiding from one another."
He snorted.
"I'm not avoiding her. I'm protecting her."
"Protecting? Protecting her from what?"
Merrit winced.
Again, the vision the dark side had showed him crossed his mind. The two of them, entwined in his cabin, the smell of her hair the taste of her skin…
…her eyes glowing yellow with the power of the dark side. Backup, no longer Backup, but someone else, someone darker…
…and all because of him.
You do not know that, his mother's voice echoed through his brain, the future is always in motion, kiddo. You know that. You saw only one possible future.
He knew that to be true, but at the same time.
He had fallen to the dark side, disgraced Jas Dar Bynn's memory.
If his daughter fell because of Merrit Fallenstar, would that not complete the old man's failure?
No.
Merrit would not risk that.
"Not from what, CeeCee," he informed the droid, "But from whom."
"Who?" the droid asked.
Fallenstar motioned to himself.
The droid's head tilted, its scanners whirring.
"I…I don't understand, Captain."
"Bayla's in a dangerous place, and this is a dangerous time," he answered, "Her home lost, her family under threat."
"Which is exactly why she needs your help," the droid answered.
"That help could be more dangerous than her enemies," he replied.
"I don't believe you would hurt her," CeeCee said, "Jas trusted you; Bayla trusts you."
"Maybe she shouldn't. I didn't set out to fall to the dark side, CeeCee. I had good intentions, but…"
He shook his head.
"My master used to say that my compassion did me credit, that it meant that I would be a good Jedi one day, but those same feelings were used by Avaryss…and now…I'm bound to the darkness, perhaps forever more."
He shook his head.
"No, the stakes are too high. I won't risk Bayla becoming like me. I can't. It…it is safer for me to stay away, keep her at arm's length. When we reach Master Vey, she will be able to help her. You can stay with her, make sure she is okay, and I'll go back into my exile."
CeeCee crossed its arms.
"So you have just given up then? You accept that what you have become is all you will ever be?"
"I've learned to live with it. I've accepted it."
The droid made a huffing sound and turned away. It seemed annoyed with his choice, which made no sense.
Droids couldn't be annoyed.
Merrit ran his hands through his hair, he took one last look around Bayla's cabin.
If she had done this with the Force, she was stronger than he realized. Maybe stronger than her father had ever realized.
Seeking out Vey was the right idea, getting her away from him was the smart idea.
He left the cabin eager to return to the bridge. Bayla could stay in his cabin if she needed to, he was perfectly comfortable on the bridge.
He barely noticed her as he passed by, she was sitting at the dining table in the main cabin, he made for the bridge, but was surprised to find it closed off, the emergency door had slid shut, blocking the access way.
He pressed the ship's intercom.
"CeeCee, why is the bridge sealed off?"
The comm system crackled, and the droid's voice emerged.
"Because I've sealed it off, Captain," the droid responded, "And I've depressurized the entry way. You will not be able to enter."
Merrit blinked.
"What? Why?"
"There is something wrong between you and Bayla. You two need to work it out. It isn't good for any of us that you both choose to avoid each other."
Fallenstar's eyes narrowed.
"CeeCee, repressurize the entry way, and open the door."
"I'm more than capable of bringing this ship to its destination. We will arrive in six hours, plenty of time for you and Bayla to talk, and work through…whatever it is that is going on."
Merrit's temper began to flare.
"CeeCee! Open the door, this is an order!"
"I'm only required to obey your orders in an emergency, that was the deal we made, Jas and I. You accepted the same deal when I brought you aboard three years ago. As I said, I am more that capable of bringing us to our destination safely."
"CeeCee!"
"I'm sorry, Captain," static sounded over the intercom, "The com system seems to be having some issues, I will get on the repairs immediately, but they will likely not be finished before we make landfall."
Merrit pounded on the blast door.
"CEECEE!"
"We….krrsst…we will…krsst…speak again in six…krsst…hours. Ceecee out."
The com shut down, leaving Merrit Fallenstar in silence.
He snarled and pounded three more times on the blast door.
CeeCee, he thought.
DAMN YOU!
He stepped back, the darkness flaring within.
He wanted to use the Force to rip open the emergency doors, perhaps burn through with his lightsaber, but…if the fool droid had depressurized the entry way.
He frowned.
Damn you, CeeCee!
Damn you!
"She is not going to open up."
He turned. Bayla still wouldn't meet his gaze, she sat at the table looking down at the surface.
"She is in Mom-Mode now."
Merrit blinked.
"Mom-Mode?"
Bayla nodded.
"I saw it often enough when I was little. When Miri and Go were fighting. CeeCee would make them sit down together, and not let them leave the room until they had dealt with whatever argument they were having."
The girl shrugged.
"I was lucky, as the youngest, I didn't have to face that much, Miri and Go were so much older than I, but that doesn't mean that I don't know what happens when CeeCee gets like this."
Fallenstar growled under his breath once again looking at the door, impotently.
I'm one of the greatest bounty hunters in the galaxy, and now I find myself blocked by a nanny droid with an attitude.
He shook his head.
Oh how the mighty had fallen.
He tried to think of a work around, he had worked on the Knightfire often enough, but, then again, CeeCee had worked on the ship for decades.
If the droid wanted the door sealed, it would likely get its way.
He cursed under his breath.
Six hours, he thought.
Six…long…hours.
He tried not to look at Bayla, he feared that she might pick up what he had seen between them through the Force!
You could just tell her, his mother's voice offered.
He could, but what would she say? Would she think him just some fool who wished to bed her…or worse…
…what if she liked the idea! Hed didn't see how, but given their history…
…What if them facing this now was what drew her into darkness.
No.
He would not mention anything about it, not until they reached Master Vey.
She literally a millennium of experience.
She would know what to do.
He sighed in surrender and shook his head.
"I need a drink," he said.
He looked up at his guest.
"How about you, Backup?"
She met his eyes, her expression troubled.
"Wouldn't mind one."
Nodding he went to the galley. Finding a bottle of Corellian's finest.
He brought it, and two glasses back to the table.
He shook his head.
Whatever the ill, he thought.
Corellia has the cure.
He poured, and offered one to Bayla, she took it with a slight nod, as he sat down across from her.
She downed the first one with a single gulp, surprising him.
"What?" she asked, holding up the glass.
He smiled.
"Another drink?"
"Please."
He shook his head, and poured, surprised by what he had just seen.
"Do you remember the first time we shared a drink?" he asked her.
She nodded.
"We had just found the bottle hidden in Miri's room; the one Quire had brought her.
Merrit shook his head.
"I remembering gagging that first time," he said, "We were what? Twelve?"
"Eleven," she corrected, "And we were both trying to be so mature, impress each other, I think."
She smiled slightly.
"And you did more than gag. I gagged. You threw up."
And you told me to run when we heard CeeCee coming," he said with a chuckle, "You didn't want me getting in trouble."
"I knew Mom would forgive me, you, being Dad's apprentice, would have been punished. Mom might have even thought that you talked me into the whole thing."
He nodded, the memory of that night coming back.
He watched as she took another drink, remembering who they had once been, how innocent they had been.
Don't underestimate her.
His mother's voice caused him to pause, his drink half way to his lips.
You still see her as that little girl who lived in the palace when you and Jas visited, that is not who she is anymore, any more than you are the boy.
He could almost see his mother's disapproving look.
She is not a little girl anymore; you shouldn't treat her as such.
In that, she didn't have to tell him. All he had to do was look at her.
Yes, she was definitely not a little girl anymore.
She had always been slender, but that didn't change that she had grown more curvy, more attractive. The shirt and pants she wore did little to hide that.
The short black hair suited her, he thought, though he could see strands of gold mixing with the dark. She would likely need to dye it again, before too long.
Again, he tried to look away, not wishing her to get the wrong idea.
The fact that CeeCee had locked them in together did not change the facts.
He still needed to protect her. He would not allow himself to become a threat to her.
He owed her that much.
He owed her father that much.
The two drank in silence, the two finished their second drinks without saying a word.
Merrit sighed.
He was still trying to avoid meeting Bayla's eyes when he reached out with the Force.
What he felt…shocked him.
He could sense the light about her, that was not surprising, yet that was not all.
He blinked, and looked up.
He…he could sense it, even lost in his own darkness.
Bayla had put up a wall around herself, he could feel it. It might have well been made of Beskar or durasteel.
She was trying to block herself off from the Force, from her own powers.
He tilted his head slightly.
Why?
He poured them both another drink, and finally met her eyes.
"What happened in your cabin, Bae?" he asked.
The girl winced.
"I'm sorry about that."
"Apology accepted, but that is not what I'm asking. Tell me what happened, please."
She winced, and shook her head. He could sense her pain, even as she was trying to cut herself off from the Force.
"Falla's dead," she said flatly.
"Falla Stari is dead."
His brow furrowed.
"Should I know who that is?"
She shook her head.
"She was my master's padawan, the one she took after me. She…she was just a kid when I left, but she had so much potential…"
Bayla shivered and hugged herself.
"She died in pain, and in fire. I felt both. She…they…"
Bayla shivered.
"Its back. I…I hadn't used the Force in months, that made it better. I didn't feel it as often, but now…meeting you, using the Force on Kafrene, its back."
She looked up at him, her eyes tortured.
"I'm feeling everything again. Everything…and…
"…and I don't know how to stop it."
He put down his drink.
"I don't understand, what do you mean you feel everything?"
She looked at her hands, he could tell this wasn't easy for her. For years she had had to hide the Force, or, at the very least, focus on the mundane matters of the galaxy. She had been an officer in her mother's navy.
Such a position likely offered little opportunity to reflect on the Force.
"Do you know what spirit bonding is?" she asked.
He shook his head no.
"It is a Paladina discipline. It is one of the oldest, in fact, it came down to us from the sorcerers that once served Bantoon. They would use their connection to the gods, the Force, to bond with friends and loved ones, making their connection to them even stronger. It served us well, in times of the trouble, having others to lean on, knowing we are not alone."
She frowned.
"Years ago, I entered into bond with Master Kit. I had been her student for only a few months at that point, but was honored to accept. I thought I understood what that meant, one of the first acts a Paladina recruit goes through is bonding as a group, the order is summoned together, and the Grand Master weaves us all together for the ceremony, for that one moment, we are all one."
He nodded.
He did know something about Force bonds. His bond with Avaryss had defined much of his young life…
…and she had used that bond to corrupt him, he had not forgotten that.
"Jedi do have something similar," he added, "We can form battle melds in time of trouble, sharing our power through the Force."
"The spirit bond is different," Bayla continued, " A battle meld can be broken, a person returned completely to their own mind. A Paladina bond remains on some level, always, it is a purest form of trust and attachment, accepting that those around us are willing to share all, and will stand with the order against any foe."
Bayla rubbed her arms, her eyes narrowing.
"Shortly after beginning my apprenticeship under Master Kit, she had already decided that she wished me to follow her, that she would groom me to be the next grand master. The bond we formed was not like the group bond ritual that we use on all recruits, it was deeper, and more intense."
Her frown deepened.
"There was a side effect, that I'm guessing she didn't know about. The Paladina have never been truly at war, not since the order was founded. The Jedi Council preferred we keep to our own system. The Sith that seized our home world, they…they are exterminating the Paladina, every one of us."
"Which is why your people are lucky," Merrit said, "Even if your order falls, you will remain, you will be able to rebuild one day."
She glared at him.
"Lucky? This isn't lucky, Merrit! I told you the bond was permanent, and thanks to Master Kit, my bond is far more intense."
He considered what she was saying, slowly, he began to understand.
"You are connected to the rest of your order, even now?"
"It is more than a mere connection, I feel them. I have felt every single one. Every death that we have suffered, every execution, murder, and death in battle, I've experienced them all, every single one, and without another Paladina around me, there has been no one to share that pain with, that death, and loss. I can't let it flow out through my connection to the others, there are none around, and haven't been for years! YEARS! It is a part of me, and it probably always will be."
Fallenstar's eyes widened.
She…
He…
OH!
He considered what she was saying, what the consequences of such a bond meant.
He looked into her eyes, those sad pained, lovely grey-blue eyes.
He understood.
If what she was saying was true, the Paladina order functioned as a single whole. Together, they would have been formidable in battle, that bond binding them, the loss of one would hurt, but that pain would be shared by the group, making it more bearable, and likely motivating the remaining members to fight on.
Bayla was alone, and had been for years now.
All that death, all that pain, she had been forced to endure it alone, and if her master had increased the intensity of that bond, in one she saw worthy of leading them…
He shook his head.
How, he wondered.
How had she endured this for three years?!
The pain must have been excruciating, no wonder she was trying to cut herself off from the Force.
Most people could not have handled it, added in that her own people had been dying around her.
"Is that what caused the fire in your cabin?" he asked, "The bond?"
She nodded.
"Falla died," she repeated, "I think the Paladina have been avoiding contact with the Sith. They may have gone back into hiding, as they did during the years before my mother's rule. I had not felt a single death in months, and I…I thought the worst was behind me, but Falla dying like that."
She shook her head, but as she did so, her hands curled into fists…
Angry fists.
"Master Kit offered our aid to the Jedi Council, when the Cold War turned hot, she was willing to fight, to send the Paladina out among the stars, to fight with our Jedi cousins, to defend the light."
She looked up at Merrit her eyes cold as space.
"Our offer was rejected, the Jedi Council told us to remain in our home system. That Bantoon needed to be protected, but that wasn't it, was it?"
Her frown deepened.
"They didn't want to risk us spreading through out the stars. They didn't want to risk us sharing our bond with other Jedi. Ambassador Xorros had told them about the bonding, I'm sure of it. Warned them, told them we brought attachment with us, dangerous attachment!"
Merrit said nothing, he simply listened.
How long had it been since Bayla had gotten the chance to talk to another Force sensitive?
Had CeeCee been right?
Backup pounded her fist on the table.
'The Jedi see us as an infection, something to be quarantined, maybe they hoped the Sith would come. Maybe they wanted us eliminated! The fact that we were an accepted order on Bantoon was the only thing that kept them from carrying out the extermination themselves. They…they…"
A tear ran down the girl's cheek.
She looked away, fuming.
"So much death," she murmured, "Falla…she was just a kid when I left. She…"
She shivered.
"So…much…pain!"
He listened, what else could he do.
He wasn't sure what he could do for her, not in this.
He sighed, and downed his drink in a single gulp.
"I can only imagine what you have gone through these last few years, Bae. The pain, and the loss, it…it is not something I would wish on anyone."
He removed his glasses, let her see his Sith eyes again, the dark yellow glow of them.
"I know that I have no moral high ground here, and certainly no room to talk about giving into my emotions, but…"
He reached out, and put his hand on hers. She looked up into his gaze.
His expression remained hard, and serious.
"The anger you are feeling is justified, I will not say that it is not, but trust me…"
He gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
"That anger, it is not an emotion you want to feed right now. For people like us, in times like this…"
He shook his head.
"The dark side is a predator, surefooted, and always hungry. It devoured me, already…"
He gave her a pained look.
"It is too late for me, but I won't let it take you. Your father would not have wanted that."
She gave him that pained look again, almost a smile, but not quite.
"So, what do we do?" she asked.
He shrugged.
"We will be on Jomark in six hours."
Her brow furrowed.
"What is on Jomark?"
"Master Vey, I hope. She usually returns to her hermitage there. She was there two years ago when I went to her for help. That…that didn't go well, I'm afraid."
"What happened?"
He sighed.
"She told me to leave and not come back. There was nothing she could do for me, she said. Hopefully, she will see you as being worth her time. At the very least, she will be able to put you in contact with those that can be a real help to you."
"And what about you?"
He blinked, surprised to feel her concern. Surely, she must know by now that he was beyond saving.
He pursed his lips.
He was not foolish enough to believe that he would find some happy ending. He was still a Dark Jedi, and still bound to a Sith Lord, he always would be.
Avaryss would fall, he didn't doubt that, and when she did…
We were bound together at birth, he knew.
We will be bound together in death.
They would both die, he didn't doubt that, and even if by some miracle he survived her destruction, this war between the Jedi and Sith would end, and when it did. The Jedi Order would deal with the remaining Dark Jedi in the galaxy, himself included.
He had no illusions on that part. He had been doomed the moment he accepted the dark side, and used its power to save Galadriel Locke's life.
Strangely enough, if he had the chance, he would have done it again, no fear, and no regret.
One life, for another…
…a fair trade.
"I will survive," he answered, lying to Bayla.
He didn't want her to waste time worrying about him.
He knew his fate.
He was not ashamed of it.
Bayla shifted in her seat.
"What if she turns us both away?"
He paused.
A good question that, he hoped it would not come to that?
What would happen if Vey said she would not help them?
He…he didn't know.
"We will try something else," he answered, " We will try, and try again, until all our tries are spent."
She nodded.
"The Jedi say there is no such thing as to try."
He shrugged.
"The galaxy is a bit more complicated than most Jedi realize."
She nodded.
"Well, I can't deny that."
She held up her glass.
"Another drink?"
He nodded.
Why not?
The galaxy was burning around them? They both were suffering…
…what would one more drink matter.
He poured one for them both, and they both raised their glasses.
"To the future," Bayla said.
He snorted at that, but at the same time, prayed that she would have one.
She deserved that much.
"Yeah," he said clinking his glass against hers.
"To the future."