It had been a day to remember, aside from the commercial flight down to Florida. The meeting with Clementine and Alexa had gone as well as Jay could have hoped. Looking back on it, he was very pleased with the pitch he had made to Alexa, and he estimated that there was better than an even chance she would accept the offer to attend promo classes.
Following that meeting, Jay had taken an Uber to Raquel and Zelina's house. They had gone out for lunch at a local restaurant, where Jay had made short work of a delicious steak. A couple of hours of good food and good company had been a perfect way to start their get together.
Back at the house, they had begun drinking while playing a general knowledge and trivia board game, which Zelina had proceeded to dominate. Jay hadn't been aware of how clever that woman was, so although the game had only been for fun, he had gained a new level of respect for her.
As evening set in, Zelina had said she would leave Raquel and Jay to have some one on one time, both because she knew that was the real reason he was staying with them, and also she had a gaming stream planned. With that in mind, she had gone upstairs to her office.
Left alone with his best friend, several bottles of beer in, Jay waited for a moment to turn the conversation in the direction he wanted – towards her past. By this point they were sitting together on a couch, with a blanket over their laps. The atmosphere was very comfortable and relaxed, and he worried about spoiling it, not least because he didn't really know how to get onto the subject he wanted. As ever, the only real option he had was to blurt out what he wanted to say. At least Raquel, like Erin, was used to that and accepting of it in most cases.
"I found myself thinking the other day that you've been a much better friend to me than I have to you," he said, practically out of nowhere.
"What? Why would you say that?" Raquel asked, plainly confused by the sudden subject change and the statement that came with it.
"Because you've made the effort to learn a lot about me and my past. You've listened to me, and you've supported me. I've not done the same for you."
"That's on me, not you. You've opened up to me about your background and some of the things you went through. It's something I've wanted to do too. It's hard though, you know."
"Of course it is," he said in a calm, understanding tone. He could already see the vulnerable side of Raquel starting to come through. It was a side of her that he felt privileged to be shown because he was almost certain Zelina was the only other person who got to see it. Most people at WWE would probably struggle to believe it existed at all, so used were they to the absolute alpha female they worked with.
"I do mean it when I say I've wanted to talk to you about things. The time has never been right. Maybe tonight is the night to make a start? You've asked me several time about my time in the army. Let's talk about it."
"Only if you're sure you want to. I'm trying to learn more about you and get closer to you, not to put you in a position you don't want to be in."
Raquel smiled at him. "No one puts me in positions I don't want to be in."
He laughed. "I hear that. But seriously, we don't have to talk about it if you don't feel totally ready for it."
"No, let's do it. What do you want to know?"
Jay decided it was best to be honest. It always was. And there was one question in particular he had always wanted to ask. "How many people have you killed?"
"I knew that was coming," she said dryly before finishing what remained of her beer. "Let me go and get some us more beers and we can get into it."
"Okay," Jay said. He watched her leave the room, feeling grateful for the trust she was about to put in him. He had so much love for that woman, in a friendly way. Theirs was the kind of friendship he had never had before, or ever expected to have. He drank the rest of his beer and put the empty bottle on the coffee.
"Here you go," Raquel said, offering him a fresh one when she returned to the room.
"Thanks. Settle back in," he said, holding the blanket up for her. She did so, then abruptly answered his previous question.
"Twelve."
Jay's eyes widened. "You've killed twelve people?"
"That's right. Eleven while I was in the army, plus that asshole in the diner."
He could picture that CCTV footage as clearly now as when he had first watched it. The calmness with which Raquel had pulled out her gun and double tapped that armed robber had been quite chilling. But he understood it. The guy had been a dangerous lunatic and could easily have shot some innocent person in the diner. Maybe even Zelina or Raquel. She had dealt with the threat before things could go that far.
"What's it like to shoot someone? I mean, I can't imagine myself doing it under any circumstances."
Raquel sighed, and her tone became more reflective. "My first time was on the first mission I deployed on after qualifying as a combat diver. I came around the corner of a shipping container and there was a man right in front of me. Like eight feet away. We surprised each other, and I shot him in the face before he could bring his gun up."
They way she was talking made Jay take her hand and hold it as she continued with the story.
"I was shaking like a leaf. Could barely continue the mission, and I think if I had needed to fire my gun again that night I wouldn't have been able to. You think, 'That's it Raquel, you've killed someone. You're never going to be the same again. You're never going to be you again.' But you get some sleep that night, and when you wake up you're still you. And you realise that killer was you all along, you just didn't know it."
Jay couldn't decide if that was heart-breaking or terrifying. Both, really, he thought. Either way, he felt a chill run through his body. "Your service took a big toll on you, huh?"
She looked him in the eyes, and hers were wet with tears. "Of course. I killed a lot of people. Saw some horrific shit. Inflicted some of it myself. And I saw people on my team die. Held a man in my arms while he bled out with a bullet in his chest, crying for his mom. I relive that at night fairly often. Probably always will."
Having no idea what to say, Jay moved closer to her and put an arm around her. She responded by accepting his comfort and cuddling up to him, a very un-Raquel thing to do. He wanted to move away from talking about the horrors of people being shot to death.
"Why did you want to be an army combat diver?"
"I didn't. Had never heard of them, in fact. What I wanted to be was a Navy SEAL, but it was explained to me that at the time it was next to impossible for a woman to achieve that, so I would be better off trying to join the army and become a combat diver. So that's what I did."
"Why were you set on doing something that involved diving. I mean, I know you love it, but why?"
She moved away from him again, getting over her emotional moment. "It brings me peace, Jay. What else can I say? When I'm in the water, everything feels tranquil. Peaceful. I don't know how to describe it, it's just my happy place. Even when I was on duty in the army, let's say in water full of oil and crap while working on some repair project, I was still in my element. If I hadn't made it in wrestling after the army, I'd almost certainly be somewhere running dive charters for a living. Probably still will once I retire."
Jay smiled, but he was actually upset by that thought. "You'd better not go moving away. "
She laughed, which he supposed was a good thing. "I won't abandon you, trust me. And we're talking way in the future. You know, I'd love us to dive together one day, to share my passion with you. You and Erin could come out with Z and I."
"I'd like that," he said, meaning it. "Sorry if talking about this was hard for you. Please, if you're ever upset or struggling with anything and Z isn't around or available for whatever reason, call me. I want to be there for you."
Her expression showed she took that seriously. "I'll do that. And thank you for never judging me. Your friendship means everything to me."
"Yours does to me as well. Being a close friend to someone is new to me. I try my best."
"Your best is plenty good enough," she said, giving his hand a squeeze.
That was music to his ears. However, he wasn't entirely sure it was true. One thing he was constantly aware of now that he spent a lot of time around, and working with, Clementine was how other people perceived her. Colleagues, friends, fans, they all looked up to her so much. It was quite a pedestal to be put on, as he had discussed with her in the past. Even so, he wanted people to think of him that way.
He verbalised those thoughts to Raquel, who looked less than impressed with what she was hearing. That surprised him, but he was prepared to listen to her reasons when it was her turn to speak.
"You've said this to me before, Jay. I'm going to tell you the same thing again: People already do look up to you, you just don't notice it. I'm going to be a little harsh on you now, because that's my job as your best friend when I think you need it. So suck it up and listen."
"Okay," he said hesitantly.
"Stop fucking obsessing about how people look at Clem. Yes, she's an amazing person. You already know how highly I think of her. But if you want people to look up to you that much, you want to be a role model, a leader, whatever you've got in mind, you need to be paying attention to people's interactions with you, not Clem. Most of all, you want to be looked at the way she is? You need to start doing the things she does. Be more approachable to people. Be more willing to help people, even if it might not be convenient for you at the time. Do it because they need it. For example, a few months ago Kim Burgess had some bad personal problems going on at home. Clem spent all night with her in her hotel room because she needed a shoulder to cry on and some advice. That kind of thing is why we all look up to Clem. That's the kind of thing leaders do. You want to be a leader? Be one. And I'll have your back every step of the way, if you put the work in."
Part of Jay felt attacked. That was his insecure personality trying its best to take over. But Raquel hadn't attacked him. Of course she hadn't. She had told him what he needed to hear. Now he needed some time to process it all.
"I appreciate what you've said and I'm going to think on it. I need to think on it."
Now it was Raquel's turn to take his hand. "The fact we even had that conversation shows how much you're growing and bettering yourself. Keep going. I love you."
"I love you too." And I love Erin, and miss her like crazy right now, he thought. Suddenly, he couldn't wait to go up to bed and try to get the love of his life on a video call. Yes, he wanted to tell about the latter part of the conversation with Raquel and talk it through with her, but more importantly he simply wanted to see her beautiful face and hear her voice that he adored so much.