Chapter 13: Code Byakugan: Hotaru of the Revolution

Part 3: Mah name is Hotaru. Makoto Hotaru.

(((((((Naruto POV)))))))

"How long are you going to started at that radio."

Naruto looked over Sasuke, who is currently sharpening his sword.

Naruto shakes his head, and continue to starred back at the radio, concentrating, as if trying to communicate with Hotaru at the other side.

"Hotaru told us that if he needs help, he will communicate with us through this radio."

Sasuke sighed. "Naruto. It's June now. Hotaru is probably on his way to Tea Country or something. He clearly got his wish and happily drawing all to his heart content in a cave or something."

Naruto muttered indecipherable as he shakes his head.

"Sasuke, repeat to me how Hotaru pull off he's so called "desertion"."

Naruto even emphasize with air quotes to really press the point across.

Sasuke humored him.

"Fine. On 13th April, Makoto Hotaru had deserted by using his knowledge of the Konoha's intricate sewer system to escape ANBU surveillance, through his intimate knowledge of ANBU patrol route and schedule. Further proof for his desertion comes with receipts for supplies found in his home, as well as his missing clothes and equipment. Makoto had managed to do this through his working across the city as a janitor, in which he collects all the required information in regard of Konoha security."

"And how did that sound to you, Sasuke?"

"It sound's… smart… well thought out. A fine work for counter-infiltration.", Sasuke shoulders slumped as he gets what Naruto meant.

"Its Hotaru! There's no way he made up a smart, long term plan! If Hotaru really want to desert he would just crossdress as a girl or something and somehow walk out the front gate in broad daylight! And somehow it will work!"

That's right. Hotaru wouldn't make a smart plan, because he barely have enough braincells to spare as he used most of them to live in Lalaland instead. Sasuke is ashamed as a friend. He should have known that there is no way Hotaru can do a desertion that is so well prepped.

The real Makoto Hotaru would have just walked out of the village barely pretending to be a girl, with no supplies at all, and somehow just bullshit his way to….. somewhere. The ANBU wouldn't be able to make heads or tails to track him down, because even Hotaru doesn't know where he is. Therefore, no one know where he is.

The thing with Hotaru's Outstupid Maneuvers is that it's completely reactionary. He just make up plans in a fly, then randomly cancel if it become too long or too complicated to pull off and then throw another curve ball to see if that works. That is why no one knows how to counter Outstupid Maneuvers. There's just no rhyme nor reason around it.

Hotaru is the only person they know that can get away with stupid plans because he has uncanny dumb luck and the world seem to bend over backwards to adhere to his logic. Or insanity. And despite their usual ragging about Hotaru is stupid, they know Hotaru isn't actually that stupid. Hotaru mind is actually really sharp when it comes to navigating crisis..the reason he looks and acts so stupid most of the time was because he's just too lazy to think and prone to just being uncooperative to anyone even the slightest bit to be his superior in authority just for the sake of it.

"Anyway, I'm going to wait at the radio as much as I could. We probably had missed Hotaru's distress call.", Naruto then continue his lone watch duty.

As much as he could, which is not much, because they still have classes and training to do.

Sasuke thoughts to himself.

Stupid Hotaru. I told you that you should've made a protocol about emergency call.

((((((((((Hotaru POV)))))))))))

My friends are stupid and can't be counted on as usual.

Plan B stands for Plan Busted.

I told them that radio waves broadcast range depends on how high the emitter is. Or something like that. I don't know, I'm not a radio engineer. All I know was if your phone signal bar is low, go higher, so it's probably something like that.

What they should do is bring the radio and patrol across the village, especially around my enemies territories. I had been trying to signal in the range of 100 meters by standing near the fences for weeks!

At this point, I give up. This plan is a bust.

"psstt"

Hmm? Did someone just farted?

"pssttttt"

Wow. Someone is gassy today.

"pssssstttttttt"

"hello? Are you having diarrhea? If you need someone to show you the toilet then sorry to say I have been at this big ass estate for months and still don't remember the layout, so tough luck, buddy."

"Damnit, Hotaru! Just come over here already!"

I look to the ginkgo tree at the corner of the the garden and see some dude with flu mask with a really shitty wig peeking out behind the tree.

I then quickly go behind the tree.

"Who are you and what do you want? If you want money I will tell you I have no money.", I immediately told him.

"Hotaru, it's me!"

The flu masked man in shitty wig took of his wig.

"Oh, it's just you Kakashi. What took you so long?". Finally, my get out of jail ticket arrived.

"How did you know my name?!!"

"Dude, who else has gravity defying silver hair in this village? Everyone not important has generic bowl cut black hair. Only the relevant ones has weird hairs. You ANBUs are the idiots to think just putting on a mask makes you anonymous."

Kakashi was about to argue back, and then he realized how stupid his ANBU disguise is the whole time. And groan into his palm.

And they call me stupid. Hah.

"How did you get in anyway?", I had to know.

"Oh.", Kakashi looks excited as he explain how he infiltrate the uninfiltrateble Hyuuga Estate. "I think to myself, 'What will Makoto Hotaru do?', so I put on a long Pantene hair wig, a face mask, and draw Hyuuga Curse Mark on my head with ink and brush. They let me in just like that."

"Wow! That's probably how those Cloud bastards get in too! Great plan, Kakashi. A!"

" I know, I learned from the best!", Kakashi give me his trademark Kakashi Thumbs Up pose.

I snickered to myself.

"Alright, let's do this. Get me outta here, Kakashi."

Kakashi suddenly looks sheepish. Ah crap, what now.

"Well about that, actually I'm here to send you a message. The Hokage assumed you didn't escape on your own because you have a Curse Mark on, so he decides to kill 2 bird with one stone and assign you a mission. Makoto Hotaru, you have been assigned an A rank Mission. Abolish the Hyuuga Curse Mark system. Duration of the mission will be indefinite."

I stare at Kakashi blankly.

"Oi. How the fuck I'm supposed to abolish the Hyuuga Slavery? I'm a friggin cleaner for fucks sake! He's the Hokage! Just do it himself!"

"The Hokage and I have faith in you, Agent Makoto. We wouldn't assign this mission to you if we didn't receive Intel that you're the one that expel Danzo out of Konoha. We were so confused how did that happen. When did that happen even. One day the Hokage just receive report scrolls from Danzo about his "Greatest Mission Ever" and how he is totally fine being banished and it is the best thing Hiruzen decide since giving Orochimaru Biology for Dummies book! And don't send Makoto Hotaru after him ever again. The Hokage was confused but he played along and decide he is indeed The Hokage of All Time."

Oh for fucks sake! This is the problem with genius ninja kids getting popped of their moms' vagina every few weeks in this stupid village! The damn monkey has a completely warped view about the competency of toddlers!

"I don't wanna!!!!"

"Well, like it or not, you have to do it anyway. That Curse Mark on your forehead ain't going to get rid by itself.", Kakashi pat me on my back.

"Okay. I got in. Now how do I get out?", Kakashi rubbed his masked chin.

"You didn't plan your get out plan?"

"Well, the Outstupid Maneuvers core tenet is you make up plans on the fly and just see what sticks. I'm still trying to familiarize with the philosophy.", Kakashi mused sagely.

"Well, just go out the same gate and say you forgot your meds at the clinic, since you're wearing a flu mask anyway. Clearly you're sick."

Kakashi.exe took a sec to process that and he snapped his fingers.

"I knew you are a genius, Makoto! Can't believe I didn't think such a simple solution!", he then go away to the gate, with a clearly fake coughing fits and stuff.

Fucking overthinking ninjas man. They think theyre so smart. If they can't figure out simple shit like this clearly they're the real stupid people here.

Now, how the fuck am I supposed to cause the Hyuuga Civil War here?

I then snapped my fingers. Who is the enemy of the Confederates?

I need to find the Hyuuga Labor Union.