Chapter 15: Code Byakugan: Hotaru of the Revolution
Part 5: A Song of Sand and Leaf.
"Heeee…. A wedding huh?"
It completely escapes my mind that Suna was… is allied with Konoha.
Since Iwa had always been the traditional enemy of Suna and Konoha, somewhere around the Shinobi World War 3, Suna and Konoha tied an official pledge of alliance.
If I recall about what's going on that lead to the Kazekage working together with Orochimaru, (which is the stupidest decision in the history of Kages, coz Orochimaru is literally a snake) as the Wind Daimyo keep throwing missions that's supposed to go to Suna's toward Konoha instead leading the downward economic spiral of Suna.
Instead of just assassinating his Daimyo like a normal, intelligent person, the Kazekage decide, ya know what, replacing the Daimyo is way too easy as a solution. Let's just join Orochimaru and poke into Konoha's hornet nest. What could possibly go wrong?
Everything, dude. Everything.
I swear, the whole underneath the underneath crap is why the Shinobi world is so messed up. You get paranoid overthinking ninjas everywhere that jammed kunai into everything they think trying to get them. Instead of using diplomacy like a normal person, ninjas thought process can be dumb donlwn to kunai goes brrr.
Kunai never even works in this universe. Unless you are irrelevant. Then it works.
Ninjas are like those pretentious modern arts snobs that so deep up their ass snorting their farts that they are delusional enuff to think a trash bin placed in the middle of a gallery to be a deep statement of artform. No sirs, it's a trash can. You're supposed to throw your trash in there, not take selfies with it to upload into your unpopular Insta account.
Now, ever since I was enrolled into the Psycho Gnomes Academy, I had realized that this fanfic world is one which gives zero fucks about original Naruto and the Writer make up his own shit on the spot because he's too lazy to refer to wiki to give accurate-to-canon writings. Canon and Fanon are just suggestions, not the rule.
I dread the future of this fanfic over getting flamed by die hard fa….. die hard fans over this story's bullshit nonsense worldbuilding and OOC characters.
And I have a feeling the Writer doesn't give a flying fuck over the incoming flame. He's probably the kind of person who thrives over getting people pissed off and riled up. I should know, my character setting is build that way.
"Yes. A wedding between Suna's Sabaku household and Hyuuga Main House.", Hanabi helpfully clarify.
Ladies and gentleman, Kankuro is getting married. What a shocker.
"The marriage will be between Sabaku no Kankuro, firstborn of Yondaime Kazekage and Hyuuga Cersei, our cousin, who is Lord Alabama's granddaughter.", Hinata further clarified.
Just to be clear, they didn't actually say Lord nor actually using these silly names I made up. I just gaslit my self to perceive it that way.
Now, who is Hyuuga Cersei? This out of nowhere OC villain?
Well, long story short, she is the 15 years old granddaughter of Lord Alabama. And as you may figure, she is a total drama queen. Super manipulative, and probably fucking her twin brother, Hyuuga Jaime. Good lord that their father's dead. I don't think I can survive a tactical match against Hyuuga Tywin. I heard back when he was alive he massacred the vassal clan that betrayed him out of existence and the only proof of the clan's existence was a bard song called 'Rei'in of Kanata-Mori'.
I may need to change Sabaku no Kankuro name into Sabaku no Robert. Cersei's sheer drama queen energy gonna make him depressed and in a few years Robert will become a fat old drunk, oblivious that his kids is actually incest babies.
I dread the fate of Suna when Sabaku no Joffrey is born. He's gonna make Gaara's serial killer crap looks cute.
"And you guys sure?", I questioned the sisters. "Wouldn't that means Suna will have a Byakugan bloodline?".
"This isn't new. We have branch clans in many countries. The Konoha-Hyuuga clan is simply the parent clan based here. This is the agreement our ancestors made with the Shodaime", Hanabi explained to me, clearly thinking I am so stupid for not knowing something this obvious.
Good lord! The Hyuuga Clan is a global slaver conglomerate this whole time?! What the fuck is going on with this worldbuilding?!
Who the hell let my Writer cook?!!
"Anyway, you are to serve Sabaku no Kankuro during his stay here as he waits for his wedding day this July. He may be a royalty, but he is a desert royalty. The Elders figures a street rat like you is better savvy to err… keep him company.", Hanabi, real smooth there. You folks just decide to toss me at the desert prince becoz y'all are too classy for that shit aren't you?
"I am supposed to keep him company? I can't go outside, remember?", I try to counter my case.
"Oh that should be fine. I heard Prince Kankuro doesn't like to go out. He will mostly just stays in the Guesthouse for his duration of stay, working on his… arts.", Hinata quickly assures me.
I sighed. Fuck my life. I'm gonna have to hang around with Sabaku no Kankuro, the clown that plays with dolls.
))))))))))
"This girly brat is to be my attendant?"
Sabaku no Kankuro, his makeup hardly covers how ugly he is, looks at me and is totally offended over his host's choice for PA.
"Well I don't want to serve you too, Robert. But here we are."
"Hey! My name is not Robert!"
"It is now."
Hinata sleeks in to interject before we started brawling right in the courtyard. "Sorry about our Hotaru here… hahaha… He just like to joke around, that's all. Haha…"
"yea. It's part of our culture to give ancient Konohanese name to foreigners who become family with our clans. It is not an act of disrespect. It is part of Konoha cultural heritage to give honored new family member ancient names.", I bullshit.
"I see. I see. Interesting, I never heard of this!", Kankuro clapped proudly and raise his hands toward the sun. "Praise the Wind and Sun! Praise Fujin and Ameterasu! From today onwards, my name is Sabaku no Robert! You may all call me as Prince Robert!"
As Kankuro, no Robert stand smugly in praise the sun pose, Hanabi looked at me in a mix of sheer horror, offense, and a little awe over me just scamming with Kankuro on the spot.
I winked my eyes to her, to piss her off even further.
Oh. If I'm going to be stuck here until Tsunade becomes Hokage, I will have my petty revenge alright.
"Now, servant, bring my baggage to my homestay! And be careful. My artworks are fragile!", Kankuro ordered me.
"Aye aye captain.", I answered surly. Kankuro already gone into the guesthouse in haste. Probably coz he had been holding his shit during his travels. I nod in understanding.
"You!!!? Yoouuuu!!!", Hanabi is about to fry my brain with the activation hand sign for the Curse Mark, but she held on and cancelled it. "Why did you do that?!! You just changed his name and for what?!!".
Hinata is still in catatonic state as I just pull the Outstupid Maneuvers on the spot. Oh yea, they don't really know this is my thing, right.
I pat Hanabi's head, like the precious imouto but no worries we're not blood related that she is.
"This is all part of Jeff's master plan to gain advantage in this wedding alliance. Believe in your father, girls. Everything happens for a reason."
The reason being, I just want to troll Robert. It's gonna be hilarious.
"Really?"
Funnily enuff, she's not resisting the headpats. I've done this so many times every time she did something good or incredible over the course of me working here that she had not realized she has been conditioned to enjoy it.
I too, can use Pavlovian Conditioning. This is all part of my Master Plan E to escape the grasp of the Hyuuga clan. They're not the only ones who knows how to use the Power of Stockholm Syndrome.
"Yes, Hanabi. And Hinata, if you're still in there.", I look at the catatonic Hyuuga Possum. Oh no don't do that, Hotaru. Hinata doesn't deserve your bullying. "Now I'm going to work. And keep up with the Lightning control training, Hinata."
I left them to carry the luggage. Hanabi was painstakingly trying to drag the stiff-catatonic Hinata like a statue.
Huhuhu.
))))))))))))))
Kankuro had settled in the guesthouse and is fiddling with his puppets in the workshop.
"Heya, Robert."
Robert snorted.
"You know, I was expecting to have to deal with Konoha wimps, but you are different, Makoto. You just go straight up to me, a Sand Prince, and just straight up diss to my face. I like your attitude."
"I heard the desert raise strong people. I figure I need to response with strength too."
"Hahaha! I guess not all of you are wimpy treehuggers, huh? Finally, someone with spine!"
"The Konoha Caste System too, raise strong people. Well, if you're a lower caste, that is."
Robert clap his hands proudly. Wow, he is definitely OOC as fuck. I was expecting a regular doll obsessed Kankuro, mind you.
"Tell me, Makoto… no, I shall call you Hotaru! Tell me, what do you think of my art?!"
I didn't even bother look at it.
"It look like shit dude. I don't even want to look at them."
"CORRECT!!!"
Robert take a sledgehammer and slam it down to…. Er what's that puppet called? Eh whatever, Shit Doll 1 and destroy it with several more hammer slam.
Okay, maybe he is the incarnation of Robert Baratheon. He looks like he is really good at swinging hammer.
"I have long despised the ugliness of the art of my hometown, Hotaru! All function, zero elegance! I have traveled across the Five Great Element Nations, looking for inspirations and different artform of puppeteers, but what I found is ugliness! With no inspirations, all I can create is ugliness!"
Robert had smashed all his puppets in the workshop. Man, so dramatic. He's the one to told me to be careful carrying the damn puppets coz it's fragile. If I know this is how it's going to turn out I would have just thrown it all in the trash where it belongs.
This version of Kankuro is so fucking OOC I can only laugh my ass off in my mind over the sheer ridiculousness of what's going on.
"Tell me Hotaru! How can I escape from my lament?! How can I create true art?!"
Well, Robert is definitely asking that rhetorically. He doesn't actually expect me to have answers.
Jokes on him, I hold the key to his enlightenment and next step into the evolution of puppet craft.
I wordlessly toss onto the table a thick pile of papers.
Designs papers.
Robert eyes went wide like saucers. Like a frantic dehydrated traveler of the desert who finally see an oasis on sight, he flips one designs over the others.
Ladies and gentlemen, I had just give Kankuro the concept of anime figurines. Adapted for ninja puppet jutsu.
"THIS?!! THIS?!!! THE JOINTS! THE CURVES! THE ELEGANCE! AND JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF SEXUAL EROTISM! HOTARU, HOW DID YOU COME ACROSS THIS MAGNIFICENT DESIGNS?!!"
"Oh, I drew that myself."
"YOU DESIGNED THIS YOURSELF?! HOW FOOLISH OF ME TO NOT RECOGNIZED MY OWN BRETHREN! MY COMRADE! I HAVE SHAMED MYSELF AS AN ARTIST!"
"Oh it's fine. We just met like, an hour."
Robert pat me proudly on the shoulders.
"Hotaru, from now on, you are my friend! Nay, you are my brother! I swear I will bring your art to life! This I swear on my name, Sabaku no Robert! The greatest puppeteer in the world!"
I nod proudly.
Hmm, well shit, does this mean I am the Ned Stark of this story?