Chapter 17: Code Byakugan: Hotaru of the Revolution
Part 7: Sabaku no Robert and the power of Capitalism.
Ah, this is why I don't want to get invested.
This is all on me okay. I played with Firecracker and now I have third degree burns. This is what I get for falling into the trappings of a shitty fanfic romantic subplot.
A lot of cracked bones. That's what I get. For shame, Hotaru! For shame!
And fuck me! Why the hell the previous chapter out of nowhere get serious?! This is supposed to be a crackfic! A fun and exciting reading experience where my audiences either get the laugh of their lifetime or go, this writer is mentally retarded and should be sent into Arkham. This is Weapon's Grade insanity.
I have failed you all, my followers. I had fallen into the trap of taking my OC role too seriously and actually try to Chidori'd Jeff and the Council of Slavers' ass like a shounen protagonist.
What were you thinking, Hotaru?! This fanfic name is Surviving as a Nobody in Naruto, not Flexing as a Gary Stu in Naruto! The very first time I went OOC on my own character setting as a crack fic character, I get my ass kicked!
For shame Hotaru! For shame!
"Welp, at least they can't kill me"
Yet.
Due to my genius move to turn Robert to my side and elect myself as Ned Stark, I am too important to be killed off offscreen without threatening the wedding-alliance. As an honorary member of the Sabaku household, I have clout with Robert. If I suddenly went missing out of nowhere, Robert's gonna ask questions, and he wouldn't like it.
So, my previous until the Hokage fucking died deadline is now cut short to about a month now. The day Robert marry Cersei and carry her away to live in the desert, I'm fucked.
Hmm, how do Makoto Hotaru, Outstupid Maneuvers extraordinaire, going to pull off this possibly S Rank mission now? Oh abolish the Hyuuga Slavery, Hotaru. I believe in you. Flyingmonkey Hiruzen, if Orochimaru doesn't kill you becoz of some bullshit plot derailment, I will make sure you fucking stay dead. Believe it!
"urrgghhh. I'm so ffucked."
It's been a week now since I am confined in this private clinic. The Elders' cover story sold to Robert was that I had a really bad training accident and now resting after getting emergency treatment. I woke up three days later and found myself in this ward room, chakra sealed and all. My bones had mostly healed now, courtesy to ninja superhuman body and some aid with medic in jutsus.
Robert visits me before and asked me what's wrong, but I just confirm the cover story instead. Well meaning he may be, he's just one Sand dude against the full might of the Hyuuga clan. He can't do shit here.
"Well, look at that, it's Dad of the Year.", I greet Jeff, who had just entered my ward room dryly.
"Good to see that you have calmed down. Makoto."
"Oh, I am calm now, alright."
"I will be frank. Will you not be a problem, Makoto?", Jeff try to suss me out.
"What can I do now, Jeff? You have disowned your kid and make her a slave. No point for me to get cute with you anymore. What's done is done."
Jeff grit his teeth.
"I have no choice. Once the heir is chosen, the rivals need to be branded and disowned from the Main House. This is the only way to prevent conflict between siblings for power.", Jeff tries to reason with me.
"Sure. Totally."
"This is for the-!"
"Alalallalallalalala! I don't want to hear it. You can stroke you sad dick yourself Jeff. I'm not even the one you need to explain for."
Jeff can only grit his teeth once again. He knows I'm right and there's nothing he can do about it.
"So, am I gonna stay stuck in here until the wedding's over or will you let me out and do my job coz ya know, a certain Sand Prince might get sussy?"
Jeff sighed.
"If you stay quiet, we will let you out. While the Elders want to take you out of the equation, I will argue for them to not sentence you to death. You… You may be the only person Hanabi had left, now that she's …."
"Eh. Was planning for that anyway. You can fuck off with your concerned dad's act though."
I glared at him grimly.
"you're not her daddy anymore."
)))))))))))
Now you might think, wow, Hotaru must be rushing to meet his girl and pat her back and console her away from sadness, increasing the heroine love point to the max.
My friends, since when do I make good life decisions?
The first thing I do when I get out of the ward was visiting my brother in arts n craft, Sabaku no Robert.
"Sup', Robert. How's the project doing?", I asked gingerly as I entered Robert's workshop.
"I'm still in the process of adapting puppeteer technology with your design.", Kankuro answered me while studying the blueprint of our collaborative project.
The proof of concept prototype, Lyanna 01 of the Stark series. I get to name the project as an honor from Robert, so obviously I put in a reference joke he will never get. If Sasori ever find out about Robert's personal masterpiece and stole Lyanna away, I'm going to rename him Akasuna no Rhaegar. I am eager to see how far this GoT reference jokes gonna get just for my personal amusement.
Te Te Tete Te tete Te tete Te teee~~
You know, for a self proclaimed greatest puppeteer, Robert is sure as hell a shitty carpenter. I am pretty sure his puppets was ugly not because he had no inspirations, but because in actuality he was just a shitty sculptor. Man, despite his best efforts, the Lyanna's head model he had been carving the past week looks like it belongs to a horror movie. At the very least, he is self aware of this and blame that he just doesn't have proper equipment.
No worry fam, I know you have skill issue.
Man, Cersei is so gonna cheat him behind his back. This guy is a thorough pure bred doll otaku. I bet he is woodsexual or something.
"Anyway, Hotaru. What accident did you get into that you get more than half of your bones cracked?", Robert is truly my brother. He knows the whole cover story was totally bullshit. Even if we only know each other for just two weeks, we get along as if we grown up together our whole life.
Monkeybrains can recognize each other across the barriers of species. Apes. Together. Strong.
"Alright. I'll tell you the truth.", I reveal. "I saw Hanabi get branded and try to stop it. So I get my ass kicked. The end."
What, did you expect me to be an emo drama king trying to keep his problem a secret coz it's mah burden, mah duty as a Sigma male to keep all my troubles in my closet? My best moves had always been to let other people deal with the problems. So I snitched on the Hyuuga to my bro right of the bat.
Robert shakes his head. "I knew that it doesn't make sense. The Hotaru I knew would never do something as alpha as training himself to the breaking point.".
"So dude, can you bail me out?", I shamelessly asked.
"I can try, I suppose. Should be easy to buy out your contract. Pardon my Kirinese, but I don't think you are that expensive on the slave market.", Robert mused.
"You sure? Look at my face, dude. I have the face of an angel. Who can resist my charm?"
"Femboi is a niche fetish, brother. And I am into woods. Sorry, brother.", Robert apologize.
"I understand.", I nod in understanding. "Remember that no matter what people says, I will always respect your love for woods."
Robert pat me in the shoulder for my word of support.
See, I can have healthy relationships. I am totally a well adjusted person.
(((((((((( Elder Five office))))))))))
"I see.", Robert is dejected. His request to buy out Makoto Hotaru's ownership had been denied.
"We're sorry, Prince Kankuro. Had Makoto been our usual merchandise, we would be glad to sell him to you. However, as the possessor of a new bloodline, Raiju, his sale is restricted to only within the confines of Konoha citizens.", Alabama explained.
"First, my name now is Prince Robert. Second, could my wife-to-be be the ownership holder instead? She is a Konoha citizen, afterall." Robert make a counter.
"that-!"
Before Alabama can counter, Robert add in more reasoning, "She will bring along with her her servants, right? Why couldn't you let Hotaru be part of Cersei's service staff? C'mon, what did you want in return? We can negotiate."
"Errr….", Alabama starts to sweat profusely.
Oh, Robert is just getting started. There's a reason they call him the Wolf of Silk Road back in Suna. The hero that saved Suna from bankruptcy.
)))))))))
"And that's how I get you free, brother. Well, halfway there. We'll see if we can negotiate you out of Cersei's bondage after we get you to Suna.", Robert clapped to himself proudly for a job well done.
Well shit. That's it? Shit was settled in just a chapter section. I was just shooting in the dark as usual but apparently Robert is a master merchant and sweet talked the Hyuuga to sell me out in just 10 minutes. Apparently he saved Suna from bankruptcy.
I give up. No wonder this fanfic just fucking rename Kankuro into Robert. He's so OOC and competent he may as well just change his character design and become a full fledged OC.
Let this be a tale of caution for you guys. If you stray too much from the canon character sheet, you lost their identify and this is what get you flamed by the fans.
Eh whatever, OG Kankuro was a trash character anyway. He even used Sasori's old second hand puppets against… well, Sasori. Dude was so stupid and clearly just use his Power of Nepotism to bullshit his ranking into Jounin. He lost to Shino for fucks sake. You're telling me the tech guy of Naruto didn't think to install bug spray to prep against an opponent who specializes in controlling bugs in Chunin exam's third phase? They gave you a month Kankuro! A month!
Or maybe he did. Fuck do I remember. Both Kankuro and Shino are so irrelevant I just skipped their fights every rewatch.
"Wow, thanks, dude. You are totally the best character in this fanfic.", I approves.
Robert clapped for himself proudly and leave my ass to Cersei.
"Oh gosh why grampy give you to me, so eww~~"
Okay, trying to translate Cersei speech pattern into LA rich teen bitch gal is so much harder than you think. Especially since I never even been to LA. Forgive me if my attempt to make this bitch even more unlikeable fall flat.
"Welp, happy to work with you, Cersei."
"Oh whateva.", Cersei dismissed me since she is too cool to deal with a peasant like me. "You can go play with my new maid, dumdum. Now shooooo~~~, you're ruining mah vibe~." Cersei returns back to her sun tanning by the pool, with bikini and all. Probably. Maybe she is an LA rich bitch gal.
I breath in deeply, and approach Cersei's brand new maid. Sadly trying to sweep clean floors to distract herself.
"Hey, Hanabi.", I greet.