Hey guys, hope you're doing great! So, hear me out real quick :)
I'm excited to share this story with you because I'll be honest; I wasn't planning to write it. I tried to resist it just because I knew it would be so much work – I usually write a lot, but mostly song lyrics, short stories, poems, that kind of thing. This will be a whole saga. But I just saw this whole thing in my head (I saw it like a live action TV show, that's why it came with a soundtrack and mature themes lol) and I knew it would keep poking at my brain until I put it on paper, cause that's how my mind works.
So now I'm just glad more people are on this wacky journey with me. There's one more "introductory" chapter after this and then shit is really gonna start happening.
Anyway let's get to the chapter now because that's what you came for! Happy reading :)
I'm Not That Girl
Beast Boy had been obsessed with this song. Every now and then he got like this with something. Now it was I'll Stand by You (The Pretenders), and it was getting on Raven's nerves. It's not like he hadn't heard it before, because this song has been around for a while. But for some reason it was like he just discovered it. He was humming to it and singing it all day, and he kept pressing her to join in. She knew being someone's crush was dangerous for her, but she didn't realize it would be this aggravating.
"C'mon RaeRae sing with me, pleeease." He began serenading her to a few verses of the song.
"It's Raven. And don't be ridiculous. I don't sing." She refused to remove her gaze from her book while he made a complete spectacle of himself.
"Well I'm a lot like you…" Garfield continued singing breezily, tilting his head and looking at her lovingly.
Cyborg raised an eyebrow at his friend implying that this particular flirting technique might not be having the result he wanted it to. But Beast Boy didn't care. He felt happy lately. He wanted to sing to her and mean every word. Unfortunately for him – and fortunately for everyone else – his phone started ringing. He glanced at it and froze, immediately going silent.
Raven looked up at once. "What is it?"
"N-nothing."
It wasn't nothing.
"You do remember I'm an empath, right?"
Oh, yeah. That. "I…"
The trouble alarm went off. His emotional whirlwind would have to wait.
"Titans, Go!"
Beast Boy couldn't seem to leave Raven's side in a fight anymore – though to be fair for some unspoken reason it had always kind of been like that. They were usually near each other. Maybe he'd always been drawn to her. In any case it got worse. As they fought a rather annoying Mad Mod again, Raven made a mental note to talk to him about it. She was protective of him too, but he already had the attention span of a goldfish, if he kept glancing over at her in the middle of battles he would get hurt. Actually, this time he almost did. But then someone swooped in and saved him. And the fight ended pretty quickly after that. Someone powerful, pretty, fun, charismatic and blonde.
"T-Terra?" Beast Boy stuttered.
"Hi, BB. Why didn't you answer your phone earlier?" She asked in her usual sweet voice.
There was absolute silence. Beast Boy was embarrassed because he did ignore her call. He was also confused and conflicted about seeing her again. After she left and he was a wreck and the whole thing with Raven…he didn't even like to remember how he behaved. But in any case, he really thought that was it. She remembered him and still left. He'd made his peace with it. But then again, maybe she was just in town and wanted to say hi, which was fair.
Robin was bracing himself for the drama that would certainly follow. Cyborg was looking at Beast Boy like his friend could crack and break any second and he would need to pick up the pieces. Starfire was looking at Raven expectantly. And Raven…was a complete mess. She was happy Terra showed up because she had just saved Beast Boy's ass, she was hopeful they'd get together again and Beast Boy would forget all about this abnormality of a crush he developed on her, but she was still extremely bothered by the way he was looking at their blond friend. All at the same time. It was a lot for her to handle.
"I um…sorry." Beast Boy said lamely after a few seconds of awkward silence.
"You're mad at me, aren't you?" Terra took a few steps in his direction. "I know, I left, I'm so sorry, but I just needed some time to figure things out. It was a lot to absorb all at once, but…I know what I want now."
"You d-do? W-what is that?"
"Well, two things." She looked at Robin first. "I would love to be a Titan again. If you'll have me, that is. I'm happy to be tested. I know I have a lot to prove. And the other thing…" She turned to Beast Boy and smiled cheekily.
The shapeshifter flushed immediately.
"Listen, Terra…" Robin spoke first because Beast Boy was looking quite speechless and he knew he would need a few minutes before he could react to this. "We're really glad you're okay and we don't resent you, but…to be a Titan, well…you have to understand we've been more cautious."
Terra faced him again. "I know that. I do. And I know I left again as soon as I could…I know I always run. But I'm tired of running. I am. I'd like to have a home again."
Robin examined her carefully and Cyborg and Starfire exchanged concerned looks. How could they trust this? Should they trust this? There had been so many chances. She wasn't exactly level-headed or trustworthy. Robin opened his mouth to speak but then…
"She means it."
Everyone turned their heads at the sound of Raven's voice, including Beast Boy who had been standing still this whole time.
The sorcerer placed one hand on her hip for confidence. She didn't like it when everybody stared at her. She was never shy, but it did make her a little self-conscious. "She's not lying. I can read her. She's being sincere." Raven shrugged as if what she'd just said was no big deal.
Terra stared at her gratefully and Raven felt herself warming up to her. She said what she said because it was true and saying it was the right thing to do. But now that she thought about it maybe this was the best possible scenario. This is good, right? She had no right to be jealous. She could never return Beast Boy's feelings. Terra made him happy. He should be with Terra. This whole thing he felt for Raven was just an anomaly bred out of loneliness and a need for distraction. As soon as he was with Terra he would be over her and then she could work on her own feelings in peace.
Robin walked up to Raven. "Are you sure?" He asked her quietly.
She was sure. She sensed Terra's hesitations before. There were none now. She just stared at him pointedly and nodded.
"Okay." That was all Richard needed. He faced Terra again. "If everyone's okay with it…"
She grinned and looked at the other Titans expectantly. They all nodded. Beast Boy managed to nod too, though his mind was still a blur.
"Then…welcome back." Robin told her sincerely.
Terra hadn't been this happy since…well, ever. She got her room back, her communicator back, and with that her sense of purpose, and most importantly she got her friends back. Maybe even more than a friend. She needed to talk to him. But he was talking to Raven at the moment, so she waited.
Beast Boy didn't know what to do. Terra was back. And apparently she'd made up her mind about him. Finally. This was all he wanted, right? Except…it wasn't all he wanted. Not anymore. He did still dream of Terra sometimes so he probably still liked her. But Raven had completely taken over most of his dreams by now, not to mention his daily thoughts. But he'd be lying if he said he felt nothing when he saw Terra. But he wasn't sure how he felt about her now. Did he still like her like that or did he care for her because she was his first crush?
"I think you should give her a chance." Raven's voice pulled Beast Boy out of his thoughts.
His heart ached so badly. He knew she meant well, but to hear the girl you lov-woah, like, to hear the girl you like tell you to be with someone else is a lot. There was a tiny part of him that hoped she'd be jealous and ask him not to do anything. And he would gladly obey.
"So you really don't like me, huh…" The disappointment in his voice was heartbreaking.
Raven swallowed and took a deep breath. You're being tested by some evil entity for sure, Raven. Not only did she now realize she did kind of like him because she was definitely not in love with the idea of him and Terra, but she knew she couldn't tell him that because he deserved to be happy with a normal girl. And on top of all that she had to deal with his heartache from her rejection, and it was pouring out of him in waves of anguish.
"Not like that, no." She lied. "But I like you as my friend and I think this is right for you."
"Mmhm."
Beast Boy wondered if she was right. She didn't like him, couldn't like him, in the way he liked her. Maybe being with Terra was exactly what he needed to get over this awful feeling. And then Raven wouldn't have to feel awkward around him anymore and they could go back to being the platonic best friends they used to be.
He smiled slightly at her. "I think you might be right."
"I usually am."
Terra and Beast Boy's relationship started out pretty smoothly. They'd gone on two dates and decided to officially become boyfriend and girlfriend. Beast Boy was quite happy. He felt he had the best of both worlds. Raven was there like she always had been and he wasn't spending less time with her. And Terra was his girlfriend. If this wasn't ideal, at least it got pretty damn close. His dreams got a little more embarrassing though. He often dreamed of both of them at the same time, and he wasn't waking up before it got heated anymore. He dreamed of Raven kissing his lips and neck while Terra kissed down his chest before they switched places. And one or two times he might have dreamed the two of them were kissing in front of him. So, needless to say he woke up sweaty. Not that he was complaining, they were nice dreams, but he lived with these girls. He lived with both these girls. It got a little awkward at breakfast when he saw them and remembered what his subconscious had them doing.
Raven was a little relieved to notice his affections for her remained. It was selfish to feel this way, but she allowed herself to be a little selfish. It's not like she would ever act on it. Anyway they were dating now, so his crush would probably finally die out soon. But it was hard. It was hard because when they all sat down to watch TV Terra would be on his lap or just hugging him from behind and messing with his hair. It was hard because they would make googly eyes at each other during meals. It was hard because he called her babe, which Raven would never want to be called, but it didn't mean she liked hearing him say it to someone else. They were so much cheesier than Starfire and Robin. It was hard because they seemed happy. And felt happy. And she knew that. Knowing she did the right thing was little comfort. It had only been three days since Terra was back when Raven accidentally walked in on them kissing for the first time. The dishes flew everywhere enveloped in dark energy.
"Ugh, sorry. Excuse me." The sorcerer rushed to the training room where the other three Titans were. "Kor, I need you." She spoke clearly as she walked past Starfire, but she didn't stop walking. She'd forgotten she could just float or teleport.
Needless to say Starfire rushed after her immediately. They only stopped when they were on the roof. Raven was practically panting.
"Kor…there's something really wrong with me."
"What is it?" Kory examined her friend with a worried look on her face.
"They were kissing."
"Who…oh." Starfire's eyes widened.
"I feel this…" Raven raised her right hand and made a claw with it, then gestured it in circles in front of her stomach. "This like, twirling discomfort here. And also…" She then moved her clawed hand to her chest. "An aching in here. And I'm nauseated too. What is that?"
Starfire frowned and smiled at the same time because of her absolutely clueless friend. Raven could be quite endearing sometimes.
"Oh friend Raven, that is the jealousy." She smiled warmly as if to let Raven know she didn't need to be embarrassed.
Raven tilted her head to the side slightly. "It is?" The empath breathed heavily and frowned, engines turning in her head. "Well it's awful!"
"Yes. Yes, it is." The alien princess nodded.
"I hate it. How do I stop it?" Raven could not believe most people experienced this Azar-forsaken sensation frequently. Sure, she sensed it from others, but it was very different now that it came from her. It was much more intense and uncomfortable.
"Ah…you avoid them or date someone else." Starfire said pointedly.
"But I can't do either of those things!" Raven practically squeaked and a crack appeared on the roof of their beloved tower.
Neither of them even flinched.
"Right…" Kory bit her lip. "Then, I guess…you meditate?"
"Why is this my life?" Raven asked to no one in particular as she looked up at the sky and grunted. "Is this punishment for being Trigon's offspring?" Now she was directly asking whatever entity ruled on Earth – God or whoever was there, she really didn't care.
"I'm sure it isn't that." Starfire couldn't help feeling a little amused. She'd never seen Raven like this before.
"Star…" Raven bit her lip. "I want them to be happy."
"I know Rae. I know. This isn't about that at all."
"You're calling me Rae now too?"
"Only when you're acting like a Rae." Kory giggled.
That pulled Raven out of her misery quickly. "I see." She tucked her hair behind her ear and collected herself. "I suppose I am being rather dramatic. It isn't the end of the world. And I have been through that. So, a little jealousy won't be the death of me."
Starfire nodded, but at the same time her giggles turned into a full laughter. She couldn't help it; jealous Raven was just too adorable.
"I see my misery entertains you."
Raven stared at her friend while she gasped for air and couldn't help but feel like laughing too. The idea of her pining over Beast Boy of all people was ironically hilarious even to her. She bit her lip to hold it in but little sobs of contained laughter kept escaping until she caved and allowed her lips to show her teeth as she laughed along with her friend. It wasn't loud free laughter like Starfire's, but she was still laughing. The lights at the tower flickered for a while. They didn't care. Starfire dried a tear from her left eye when they calmed down. Once again they solved nothing. And once again Raven felt better.
Once she accepted she was jealous it got a little easier. She needed to meditate quite often, but she knew this wouldn't kill her or last forever – Starfire had assured her all the magazines said it only seemed like it would last forever. And it was a good thing too because she couldn't stay away from them. Not because she wouldn't, but because they wouldn't let her. It had all started later that same day after she laughed at her own misery on the roof with Kory. When they came down to the ops room, Terra and Beast Boy were both discussing which Ninja Turtle was better and they were being talkative.
"I'm telling you, it's the one with the name like the painter!"
"No, the best one is the one with the orange bandana!"
"No no no. It's the funny one, he's the best one!"
Raven looked at Starfire who was frowning at the couple and wondering if this was a normal romantic interaction by Earth standards.
"You know what? This actually helps. I'm not that jealous anymore." Raven whispered to her best friend, who put her hand over her mouth to cover up her laughing.
This discussion had been going on for a while and Cyborg and Robin looked absolutely miserable. So Raven approached the arguing couple and cleared her throat. They didn't stop.
"Excuse me!" The empath practically shouted. That got their attention. Once they were both staring at her wide-eyed she spoke in her usual monotone. "First of all, they're all named after Renaissance artists. Also, you two are so obnoxiously loud you failed to realize you're talking about the same character. His name is Michelangelo, he wears the orange bandana and he's allegedly the funny one. Even I know that."
They stared blankly at her. And then they stared at each other in awe.
"It is Michelangelo!"
"That's totally who I meant!"
They jumped up and down and Raven rolled her eyes and went to help a very grateful Robin investigate whatever menace was threatening Jump City at the moment. But from that moment on she wasn't left alone.
Beast Boy involved her all the time. He thought she felt nothing for him so he didn't mean to be cruel, he just wanted to make sure things would work with Terra and with Raven being an empath and a girl he decided she was the one to go to when he was unsure. He asked her if Terra liked this and that, he asked her to teach him smart stuff so he could sound smart, he asked her to find out what Terra's perfect date was. She usually dismissed him, unless he was about to do something really dumb like getting Terra a necklace with his initials on it.
By their one month anniversary however, it was Terra's turn. She knocked on Raven's door and offered her most charming smile when she opened the door. "Hiiii Raven!"
"Terra."
"Hi! So, mm…I need your help."
"Oh?" Raven thought maybe her memories were wavering or something, so she opened her door wider and Terra stepped inside her room.
"What should I get BB? You know, for our one month anniversary."
Raven stared at her quizzically. "How should I know?"
"Because you know him. You know him a lot better than me now…" Terra rubbed her arm sheepishly and looked down.
Raven felt bad. Beast Boy still spent a lot of time with her even though he was dating Terra, but she couldn't find it in her to discourage him. Terra had no idea anything more than platonic had ever crossed either of their minds. Still, nothing inappropriate had happened or would happen between them.
"I'm not exactly the best person for this advice. Starfire knows him too."
"Yeah but she'll just tell me to get some weird alien artefact."
Raven smiled slightly at that. "You're probably right. But…he'll love anything you get him. He's crazy about you."
"No but it needs to be special. Please. I want to blow his mind."
"Terra…" Raven sighed tiredly.
"You have to help me."
Raven raised an eyebrow and put her hands on her hips. "Oh, do I? And why is that?"
"Because…because you're a good person?" Terra grinned adorably at her.
It really reminded her of the way Garfield smiled when he wanted something.
"I'm barely a person." Raven stated stoically.
Terra chuckled. "Okay you're a good half-person and a good half-demon! Pleeeease?" She put her hands together to plead. "I need to get things right this time. Pretty please with a cherry on top?"
Raven stared at her. She really was perfect for him when she wasn't betraying everyone. She was almost as childish. Her eyes were full of hope and expectation. She wasn't as difficult to refuse as Beast Boy for obvious reasons, but it was still hard to say no to her. Raven looked at her room's ceiling and grumbled in frustration. Maybe I really have gone soft.
"Fine. I don't know; maybe redo your first date? He talks about that all the time. Take him to that amusement park. And didn't you stop for a pie or something? Do that. There's this new video game he can't shut up about. Cyborg knows. If you want to make it more romantic I guess make a scavenger hunt at the park. He likes childish stuff like that."
Terra's eyes were beaming and she emanated gratitude Raven happily received. There was also a hint of…concern?
"Thankou so much! This is awesome! Thankou!" Terra kept shouting as she ran out of Raven's room.
Needless to say it was a hit. Beast Boy nearly cried and he was certain he had never received a better gift in his life. It made him feel secure about Terra. It made him feel loved. They came back drunk on excitement that night, laughing loudly while they made weird faces at each other. Cyborg laughed a little from where he was playing video games. He was glad his best friend was happy again. Starfire stared oddly at the pair once again wondering if this was part of the regular earthly flirting techniques. Robin frowned as he tried to focus on a battle strategy he and Raven had been working on.
Raven flinched at their noisy ecstasy then smirked at Robin. "I guess that's what happens when two extroverts date each other."
Dick laughed light-heartedly. "I guess so."
And then Beast Boy starting singing I'll Stand by You to Terra because yes, he was still obsessed with that song. He usually sang it in the morning, a verse to each Titan and the chorus to his girlfriend. At this point they all played along and sang it back to him because something about that song clearly meant a lot to him. Except for Raven. She just glared. But he kept trying. Maybe one day she'd surprise him. A guy can hope.
Later that night Raven sensed something from her room. It was lust. And it was coming from Beast Boy and Terra. She had grown used to leaving the tower and spending the night out when Robin and Starfire had sex or even a heavy make out session. She never told anyone because that would be awkward, but whenever emotions were intense enough, she did sense them. And it felt wrong, like invading someone's privacy or something. Not to mention it made it harder to keep her powers under control. But Robin and Starfire made her uncomfortable because she thought of them like a brother and a sister. This was different. She would never feel more jealous than in this exact moment, she was sure of it. She needed to get out.
Beast Boy and Terra's first time was clumsy, sweet and cute. It wasn't his first time, but it was hers, so it took them a while to get there as it usually happens on first times. But they were both really happy in her room – because his was way too messy – when the trouble alarm suddenly went off in the middle of the night.
Everyone met in the ops room except for Raven. Starfire went into her room and she found that her communicator was there, but the empath wasn't. No one was more worried than Beast Boy, and that's saying a lot because they were all really worried. Robin, Cyborg and Terra went to fight Cinderblock while Beast Boy and Starfire looked for Raven. They didn't find her anywhere near the fight. Then suddenly their communicator rang, and it was her.
"Are you guys okay? No one's here."
"Where are you!?"
"In the tower."
Once they were all back, the sorcerer felt bad. They had been worried about her. They were still a little worried.
"I'm sorry…I should have taken my communicator with me or at least my phone." Raven apologized. It's just that I left in such a hurry, you see…
"Raven, where were you?" Robin asked her plainly.
"I went for a walk."
"You went for a walk." Dick repeated skeptically. "At three in the morning?"
"Yes, I did." Raven shrugged. "I'm a nightly creature. I take nightly walks in the cemetery sometimes."
"Without any way for us to contact you." Robin folded his arms sternly. He wasn't buying it. He knew it wasn't like her to be this irresponsible.
"Right. As I said, I'm sorry about that. Can you just scold me and be done with it?"
Dick narrowed his eyes. "No, I think I'll have the truth."
"Damn it, Dick. Don't be such a…" She wasn't planning on making a joke, especially one this silly, but it was right there. "…you know…such a dick." Raven smirked.
Beast Boy, Cyborg and Terra burst into laughter. Starfire just giggled politely. Robin glared daggers at Raven.
She shrugged apologetically. "Ugh, fine. You don't need to look at me like that. I always leave when…well, when certain emotions are so intense I can sense them from my room. It's usually you two." She gestured between Starfire and Robin.
Everyone felt uncomfortable now. Except Beast Boy who apparently didn't connect the dots.
"Oh…mm…I see." Robin cleared his throat. "But we didn't…"
Raven glanced over at Beast Boy and Terra. Terra blushed deeply. Robin scratched the back of his neck and regretted demanding the truth.
"I got uncomfortable and I forgot my communicator."
"Right. I um…I think that's understandable."
"Can someone explain to me what's going on?!" Beast Boy was nearly pulling all his hair out.
"Stop trying to figure it out, you'll hurt yourself." Raven teased him friendly.
Terra whispered the explanation in his ear and his expression switched from pleasure to shock to absolute horror. He stared at Raven completely mortified.
"It's fine; I left as soon as it started." The empath put her hands up in surrender. "Can this conversation be over now, please?"
"Definitely." Robin said and declared everyone should get two more hours of sleep before breakfast.
Beast Boy kissed Terra good night – or rather good morning, fist-bumped Cyborg when no one was looking and left to his room thinking about the fact that Raven knew he and Terra had sex. He wondered if any small part of her felt the slightest hint of jealousy.
Little did he know that part wasn't small at all.
After that, Terra started asking Raven about Beast Boy all the time. What he liked, what he didn't like, what she saw when she went inside his mind – which Raven obviously didn't answer – and so on. Terra sensed something was off, and Beast Boy was obviously close to Raven so she figured she could find out what it was if she annoyed the empath enough.
But she did like Raven. And Raven liked her. They even meditated together sometimes. They were friends now. As for Beast Boy, he wanted to keep Raven close all the time. In a twisted way it made him feel like he was sort of dating her too. They called on her to solve their arguments and they both sought her for advice on how to talk to the other about sensitive subjects. So, Raven was often being involved in their relationship in ways she didn't really want to be. She was familiar with the concept of third wheeling, but she thought it was usually the third wheel that imposed on the couple and not the other way around.
"You guys do realize I'm not in this relationship, right?" She looked up from her chess match with Cyborg while they demanded her opinion on whether or not it was okay for Beast Boy to say Wonder Woman was the hottest woman in the planet.
Cyborg burst out laughing. Raven was even funnier when she made fun of these two. Terra and Beast Boy were a bit embarrassed but just acted coy about it.
"Oh c'mon RaeRae…"
Terra stiffened. She didn't think she liked that. Raven didn't notice.
"Raven. And no, figure it out. I don't care. Doesn't involve me." The sorcerer told him without removing her gaze from the game. "Check mate." She smirked at Cyborg as she won their match.
"Oh, man!" Cyborg exhaled in frustration. He didn't beat her since that chip that made him super productive. "Hey BB, how about karaoke night? Is that still on?"
Everyone had followed Terra's lead and now called him BB. Well, everyone except Raven. She still called him Gar. It was more intimate and more…theirs. He knew it too. It made his heart flutter every time. It was innocent enough, but it was like this dirty little secret between them. Raven had allowed herself to have at least that.
"Oh it's so on!" Beast Boy forgot all about Wonder Woman because he was beyond excited.
He had suggested it a while ago. But it was only recently after a particularly difficult fight against Killer Moth that Robin agreed to it. They deserved a night of fun.
"I'm not singing." Raven stated plainly.
Terra and Beast Boy sat down on each side of her like two annoying angels on a demon's shoulders.
"You have to, it's karaoke night!" Terra said cheerfully.
"How about a bet?" Beast Boy rubbed his chin mischievously.
Raven raised an eyebrow arrogantly at him.
"I bet I can beat you at chess. If I do, you have to sing one song. You can pick any song." Garfield said smugly.
Terra and Cyborg exchanged incredulous looks, clearly wondering where this delusional confidence came from.
"And if-excuse me, when I win?" Raven smiled slightly.
The shapeshifter grinned. Lately he'd been finding her arrogance kind of sexy. "I'll give up trying to make you sing my favorite song. You know the one." He started humming to the melody of I'll Stand by You.
She was so sick of it. "You mean you'll never assassinate that poor song in front of me again?"
He nodded.
"You're on, Gar." Raven shook his hand.
Beast Boy noticed how much firmer her handshake was than his. But it wouldn't matter. He knew what to do. He had a plan.
"What's going on here?" Robin asked as he approached the gathering of Titans in the ops room. "And why is no one training?"
"BB and Raven made a bet. If he beats her at chess she has to sing on karaoke night."
"Yeah, right." Robin chuckled. Then he realized they were actually playing. "Wait, you're serious?"
"Dead serious." Beast Boy nodded, eyes focused on the game.
He wasn't bad. Raven had to admit she was impressed he was even keeping up. He'd probably prepared for this. But she would still win. Easily. It was his turn again and she smirked. It wasn't a bad move, but definitely not the best he could have made. But then before she could make her own move, it happened.
Beast Boy knew he needed to distract her. No, he needed to absolutely confuse her and throw her off her game. So he glanced up at her and noticed how soft her lips looked, how her pale gray skin seemed to glow ever so slightly, how her big eyes stared intensely at the game board while she gracefully ran a finger down her neck in thought. He focused on her neck. It was long and it seemed so smooth. He thought about how it had never been nibbled. And he allowed himself to feel loudly – as Raven called it – and allowed it all to flow out of him freely. He thought about the first time she hugged him after Malchior had hurt her, he remembered their conversation after the Beast came out for the first time and he recalled how magnificent she was when she defeated Trigon. He thought of how her magic made him feel, and he focused on that night he realized he was attracted to her for the first time. And he let it all get as intense as it possibly could.
Raven was about to make her move when she was suddenly hit by a wave – no, an avalanche of emotion coming from the dear friend sitting across from her. It was love, admiration, care, desire, lust, tenderness, devotion, trust, loyalty and adoration all at once. She felt dizzy and faltered and she glanced up at him. He was looking at her intently and she knew. She knew all those feelings were directed at her. She closed her eyes and swallowed, trying to focus. Why is he doing this? This is so awkward. She couldn't say anything about it because Terra was right there. A lightbulb exploded above them. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Her vision was blurry and her mind was hazy. The overwhelming flow of affection just kept coming. She tried to focus on the game but all her focus was going into keeping her cool and not betraying them both. Is he doing this on purpose?
"I-I need to go." She muttered and started getting up.
Everyone else was very confused since Raven seemed to be having a small panic attack or something.
"Are you giving up? If you do, I win." Beast Boy's voice was smug and playful.
Raven frowned and sat back down glaring at him. Her eyes were menacing and warning him to stop, but he stared back at her affectionately and continued to silently let her know what he felt. He could regret this later, but it was too late to back down. Raven made a move. It was the wrong one. He made his move and smiled. He was very comfortable with this feeling, but she definitely wasn't. She was probably struggling not to kill him or demolish the tower. He was really counting on her restraint here and it was risky. But so worth it. It was her turn again.
She barely knew what she was doing at this point, but quitting seemed worse than trying, so she made one wrong move after the other. You have managed to control rage, resent, loneliness, grief and sorrow but THIS you struggle with? She did struggle because the way he was feeling about her felt very similar to the way Dick and Kory felt about each other. The way people who are deeply in love feel. But that can't be right. Can it!?
"Check mate." Garfield's grin was gigantic.
Everyone else gasped, except for Terra. Terra was just uncomfortable. She did not like the way her boyfriend had been looking at their mutual friend through the entire thing. Raven picked up on it but was busy managing her own current emotion: an utterly monstrous shock. Her eyes widened and she stared at the board in disbelief. He had decreased his emotions now and she could think clearly again. She looked up and glared at him with a fire that actually made him flinch. She fought back the urge to call him out on this low blow because again, Terra was right there and already uncomfortable. Actually, everyone else was right there, with their mouths hanging open. She took another deep breath to cool down.
"Fine." She spat out.
"Fine as in I won and you'll sing?"
"That was the deal." Raven said through gritted teeth before teleporting to the roof for space and silence. Why is he so infuriating?
"Did that just happen?" Cyborg spoke first.
"It sure did!" Beast Boy grinned proudly before leaning back smugly on the couch.
"What just happened? Do you know what that was?" Dick whispered to his girlfriend, who seemed a little less shocked and a lot more suspicious than everyone else. But she just shrugged innocently.
Kory thought she might know what just happened but she couldn't ask Beast Boy. She was the only one who knew Raven felt something for him too. She was sure Beast Boy himself didn't know. He probably just thought Raven would feel too overwhelmed to focus on anything other than her powers, but Starfire was certain he didn't know just how effective this plan of his really was. If she said anything, he would know Raven talked to her about him.
Beast Boy realized Terra was standing in front of him with her hands on her hips and narrow eyes. He smiled. "What is it babe?"
"What was that?"
"What? I can be smart!" He pulled her into his lap and kissed her. He needed to get rid of the lingering sensation allowing himself to feel for Raven had left. She relaxed in his arms.
Raven meditated for hours. She felt filthy. She wasn't irresponsible with her feelings like he was, to her it felt like they were completely exposed. It felt wrong, like they were kissing in front of everyone, including his girlfriend who she was quite fond of. She decided not to confront him about it anytime soon. It would be awkward and it could lead to admissions she wasn't ready to hear. For obvious reasons, nobody mentioned the chess match to her again. Even Beast Boy didn't dare to tease her about it. Making Pride swallow her pride can be a dangerous pastime. So she easily avoided him until karaoke night.
Terra had been feeling awkward. The way Beast Boy looked at Raven during that bet wouldn't get out of her mind. And he still wouldn't tell her how he won. All he said was the same way you did once – by using her weakness, which obviously explained nothing and made her even more suspicious, but then he always just started kissing her or changed the subject. And if she was being honest, she was a little scared to dig deeper. Some voice in the back of her mind told her she wouldn't like what she would find.
Karaoke night had arrived at last. They met the Titans East in front of the club. Beast Boy was so excited he nearly fell into a manhole. Raven put a hand on his arm to keep him from falling and her unexpected touch sent shivers down his spine. Terra noticed and frowned.
"Let's get this party started, huh?" Speedy came over to their table with a round of drinks. Most of them weren't twenty one quite yet, but again, nobody asked them for IDs.
They had a lot of fun. Jinx showed up and Cyborg admitted he'd invited her. Raven didn't react to it but she definitely sensed disappointment coming from Bumblebee. Kid Flash eventually joined them too and it was Cyborg's turn to feel disappointed. Beast Boy shamelessly took a seat between Terra and Raven. Starfire noticed that every now and then Garfield fixed a hypnotized gaze at Raven's shoulder where the strap from the black crop top she borrowed her friend kept falling to the side. He would stare until Terra's clueless laughter pulled him out of his trance.
Robin, Beast Boy, Kid Flash, Speedy, Aqualad and Cyborg started out by alternating the verses to All I Do is Win (DJ Khaled). Robin and Starfire sang a very sweet and fitting duet of A Whole New World (Aladdin). Mas and Menos sang and danced to Despacito (Luis Fonsi) while making heart eyes at Starfire. Right after them, this one girl decided to sing in her own native language too. Robin had gone to the bathroom because the way those two looked at his girlfriend made him very uncomfortable, and he hadn't come back yet.
"Oh what a beautiful language! Do any of you know it?" Starfire's eyes sparkled.
"It's Romanian." Raven said casually.
"Oh marvelous! Do any of you speak it?" The Tamaranean looked around the table.
"I do." Raven said plainly before eating some french-fries and everybody stared at her. "What? I'm fluent in eight languages. But only six are from Earth."
Of course she's a polyglot. Beast Boy secretly resented her for never missing the chance to seem even more intimidating than before.
Then Raven suddenly realized why Starfire was asking, because she was smiling at her greedily as if she was about to ask for a huge favor. "Don't even think about it."
Beast Boy choked and turned red. Cyborg laughed.
"Oh but friend Rav-"
"No." Raven said pointedly.
"What else are you fluent in?" Starfire asked.
"English obviously, German, Latin, Sanskrit and Ancient Sumerian." Raven counted them on her fingers. "You learned English and German from Dick and you probably won't need the others. So stop looking at me like that." Raven pushed her friend's eager face away with her hand.
"What is this about?" Speedy whispered to Cyborg.
"Oh Tamaraneans can like, instantly learn any language by kissing someone that speaks it."
"Oh." Aqualad, Kid Flash and Speedy said in unison and leaning forward, suddenly very interested in the conversation.
Starfire sighed and pouted. She didn't understand what the big deal was. Tamaraneans weren't as awkward about kissing. "I would love to speak those languages, they sound beautiful. Pleeease, best friend?"
"I think it would be the friendly thing to do." Speedy grinned.
"That definitely sounds like part of the best friend's job." Aqualad nodded.
Raven glared at them dangerously and sensed anticipation coming from way too many people at the table and she didn't like it one bit. She was about to tell Starfire she would teach her Romanian through books when Dick came back from the bathroom and she had another idea. Kory was smart, but she got distracted way too easily. Teaching her would take forever.
The sorcerer looked up at their leader. "Hey Boy Wonder, your girlfriend is trying to kiss me."
It was Robin's turn to choke and turn red. He looked at Starfire questioningly while everyone else just laughed. Beast Boy laughed harder. Raven was being funny. He loved it when she was funny.
"You should probably learn Romanian." Raven added then looked at Starfire. "He's pretty smart, he'll learn fast and then you can get it from him."
Robin sighed and accepted this plan. Starfire beamed.
"Problem solved." Raven ate some more french-fries happily as she sensed the general disappointment from nearly everyone else.
Jinx was up next. She sang Sweet About Me (Gabriella Cilmi) and both Cyborg and Kid Flash really enjoyed it. Starfire and Terra started singing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (Cyndi Lauper) and Bumblebee ended up joining them. Beast Boy obviously sang I'll Stand by You and he tried to basically serenade Terra but he kept glancing over at Raven. Only Terra and Raven noticed. The empath repeated her mantra mentally to keep her powers under control. As they had more drinks – except for Raven who decided to be responsible – the song choices got even sillier. Kid Flash sang Speed King (Deep Purple) while winking at Jinx and then Cyborg decided to sing The Night Begins to Shine (B.E.R.) to her. When Bumblebee went to the bathroom, Raven followed after her.
"Are you okay?" She asked softly.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Bumblebee shot her a fake smile.
Raven softened her face. "Empath."
"You know, don't you?" Bumblebee often forgot about this particularly invasive power of hers.
"Of course I know."
"Don't tell anyone."
"I never do. But I think I can help a little. You can come back to the table unconcerned. The focus will have shifted to something else. I promise." And with that she left mysteriously.
Raven approached the table where everyone was chatting and laughing except for Jinx who was watching Cyborg finish his song. She folded her arms. "Well I guess it's time I pay up."
"Wait, you're actually doing it?!" Beast Boy nearly fell off his seat in surprise and excitement. Of course he remembered. But he thought she'd be too mad at how he won to actually do it.
"Well if you're releasing me from it…"
"NO!" He shouted and jumped to his feet. Everyone's eyes widened and Raven instinctively leaned back even though she was standing on the other side of the table. He cleared his throat and smiled sheepishly. "I mean, uh, no I'm not. Sorry."
"And this is…?" Kid Flash asked Robin.
"Raven lost a bet to Beast Boy." Robin chuckled at the incredulous look on the speedster's face. "I know. But it happened. She has to sing something now."
"We thought you weren't gonna do it Rae." Cyborg grinned at her.
"Why is everyone calling me that? And I may be half-demon but I have honor. I'll do it."
And with that she left to go find something to entertain these people with. When Bumblebee came back, the group's focus had indeed shifted entirely and the general vibe was now very silly anticipation. She was grateful for it. Raven looked through the song catalog trying to find something she wouldn't be completely mortified to sing. Then she spotted the Donnie Darko song. Perfect. She went to the stage and grabbed the microphone as the sad melody of Mad World (Gary Jules) began.
It only took the first few verses for the club to fall silent. She started singing in a low, hoarse, soft voice. This part of the song was very comfortable for her and not that different from her usual speaking voice. But she navigated the notes beautifully and it sounded really nice. Depressing, but in a really pretty way. The group was a bit shocked that she actually could sing, though the song choice made perfect sense.
"…the dreams in which I'm dying…"
She was closing her eyes and feeling every word. It was sad and soft and it made everyone feel like they were being involved in a melancholic but cozy mist. Beast Boy was absolutely mesmerized. He found himself trapped, completely unable to take his eyes off her, and he knew then that the only thing he knew for sure about this girl was she'd never seize to amaze him. Her voice deepened for intensity in some parts and at that point everyone was standing still. All the laughing and chatting from a few minutes before seemed like a distant dream. And then it happened.
"And I find it kind of funny…" Raven changed it up completely, got in her head voice and sang it an octave higher than the original. The high notes were really airy and beautiful.
None of them had ever heard her sound anything like that. It sounded absolutely ethereal. Beast Boy was bewitched.
"Mad world…" She finished with a vibrato in a deep low voice and opened her eyes.
It took a second for the room to snap out of it and start clapping loudly. She was already on her way back to her table and to her friends' shocked, indignant stares and loud cheers.
Cyborg whistled. "Girl, what was that?"
"I thought you said you couldn't sing." Robin narrowed his eyes at her.
"No, I said I don't sing. I can sing. The monks taught us in Azarath." She shrugged as if she hadn't just blow all their minds. Then she turned to a still paralyzed Beast Boy. "Happy?"
He nodded silently.
"You're going to eat a bug if you don't close your mouth, Gar." Raven smirked.
Garfield shut his mouth closed and tried to compose himself. Somehow he just knew Terra was narrowing her eyes at him.
"That was beautiful." Aqualad stood up and pulled Raven's chair for her to sit.
The empath rolled her eyes at it but sat down anyway. Beast Boy frowned, clearly bothered by the gesture.
"Yes, well. I hope you all enjoyed it. I don't plan on losing any more bets."
"Oh friend Raven, you must sing more often now that we know you c-"
"Not happening. Ever. Again." The sorcerer said with final resolution.
Starfire and Beast Boy pouted. Jinx decided it was time for more teasing so she went on stage to sing Bitch (Meredith Brooks). Terra's eyes met Starfire's and they immediately went to the dancefloor. Then only a few verses later they came back and Starfire pulled Bumblebee by her arm while Terra pulled Raven. The blond Titan wasn't happy about a lot of things, but in that moment she didn't care. She liked Raven and she wanted to dance to this song with her. She actually felt like Raven understood her the most, since she'd also done terrible things she didn't really want to at one point. Sure, there was a whole prophecy involved in her case, but still. They had somewhat similar trauma.
Raven tried to refuse her but Terra's genuine aura and bright smile won her over. She allowed her to drag her to the crowded dancefloor and at first she didn't really move that much, but then the chorus started. Starfire, Terra and Bumblebee were all so happy and this really is a good song to dance to with your girlfriends. So Raven smiled and jumped and danced and sang to the lyrics with them, though in a much more contained way. The lights flickered a bit at the club, but everyone seemed to think that was cool.
Aqualad and Beast Boy were getting more food and drinks while watching the girls dance. Actually, they were admiring them dance. And they weren't the only ones. Starfire really stood out being the absolute stand out of the night as she usually was. Her dancing was quirky and even a little clumsy from being so tall, but that doesn't matter when you're a bombshell alien princess. Terra, Jinx and Bumblebee knew what they were doing. Their dancing was perky, jaunty and confident.
Raven on the other hand was making sinuous moves as if she was summoning some hellish entity. It was as weird as it was elegant and sexy. And she was smiling. It seemed like everyone knew Raven was hot tonight. All the girls were getting attention but Kory and Raven really stood out. They stood out everywhere. They were something else. Beast Boy noticed that if Starfire's beauty was like the sun then Raven's was like the moon. Not as obvious, but more mysterious and equally beautiful. That's why they never clashed. Beast Boy kept letting his eyes linger on the empath.
"I'm gonna ask her out, you know." Aqualad said as he leaned back against the wall in a cool and relaxed posture.
"Huh?" Beast Boy turned his head immediately.
"Raven. I'm gonna ask her out."
"She doesn't do dates." Beast Boy said way too quickly.
"Is that what she told you?"
"W-what are you talking about?"
"I see you staring at her." Aqualad smirked. "No offense, but you know she's out of your league, right?"
Beast Boy gulped and felt his face heat up. "I think you're confused. Raven's not my type at all, I don't care. I was just trying to spare you from rejection. I'm dating Terra."
"Yeah she's actually out of your league too." Aqualad joked.
Beast Boy made some outraged incomprehensible sound and the aquatic Titan chuckled.
"Chill, BB. I'm not after your girl. I'm going for the dark one. I'm not easily scared."
Beast Boy stood there with a blank expression on his face as Aqualad went back to the table. He felt all the blood drain from his body, so he downed his drink at once and then turned to the bartender again. "Can I have another one, please?"
The girls were still dancing because now someone was singing Run the World – Girls (Beyoncé) and it was only appropriate. Jinx had joined them. Raven was actually laughing with teeth when she was suddenly enveloped by a pair of green arms.
She nearly fell when Beast Boy leaned on her. "What on Earth, Azarath and Hell are you doing?"
"Hellooo RaeRae. My RaeRae." Garfield said in a groggy voice. Her right shoulder was bare again and he got very close to nuzzling it and inhaling her scent. Some remaining shred of self-preservation saved him.
"You're drunk." The sorcerer stated plainly. Great. Just what I needed. She turned to Terra, who was glaring daggers at him. "I believe this is yours." She basically tossed him to her.
"Who says I want him? Maybe you should have him." Terra tossed him back.
"Oh she doesn't want meee." Beast Boy whined in slurred speech.
Raven held him to keep him from falling and searched her brain for a way out of this situation. "That's right, I don't. We barely tolerate each other. So here." She tossed him to Terra again. "Go with your girlfriend, Beast Boy."
Garfield seemed to still have a little sobriety in him because he accepted that. Terra still wasn't pleased but Raven shrugged apologetically and left hurriedly. She needed to get away from them, so she went to join the guys at the table. For some reason, they were arguing about who had the most problematic family.
"What do you think, Rae?" Aqualad asked and everyone looked at her expectantly.
"It's Raven for you." She narrowed her eyes at him but he just smiled. "And are you kidding me?"
They blinked at her in confusion.
"It's none of you. My father is the incarnation of evil."
Sheepish and light-hearted chuckles took over their table. And then suddenly they heard Beast Boy's raspy voice singing the first few verses of Demon Woman (Flight of the Conchords) and Raven stiffened. Oh, no. She felt desperate and silently begged Robin to stop him with her eyes, hoping he would get it. He did. In fact, he was out of his seat already. So was Cyborg.
Raven didn't know if Garfield was looking at her or not because she had shrunk in her seat and was trying to cover as much of her face as she could with one hand. Everyone but Garfield, Dick and Victor was back at the table now and finding it hilarious, except for Starfire who was tense, Raven who was embarrassed and Terra who was confused and absolutely pissed.
"You cast your spell very well, Demo-AHHH!"
Robin and Cyborg had successfully yanked Beast Boy off the stage and taken him outside to get some air. Robin got him a bottle of water on the way. Jinx was laughing so hard her face was red. Raven glared at her. Her face was also red, but not from laughing.
"Hey, don't blame me. I'm just enjoying the show." Jinx put her hands up in the air defensively.
Terra suddenly stood up quietly and ran out. Raven could feel how hurt she was, so she followed after her. She had to try to control the damage Garfield had caused his own relationship. If Raven was being honest, watching them being cute together felt like a slow death to her, but that didn't matter. She wanted Beast Boy to be happy. And that meant being with Terra, obviously.
"Terra, wait!"
"What?!" Terra turned around with tears in her eyes.
Raven took a literal step back.
"Raven, did something happen between you? Just tell me."
"No." Raven answered quickly. It wasn't a lie, nothing had actually happened between them. Nor it would. "Look, he's just being silly and trying to embarrass me." Raven assured her. "It's been kind of our thing, but he takes it too far. It's absolutely platonic. I'm like his work-wife or whatever the term is. He's just clueless about what's appropriate. He's never had a girlfriend, you know. I'm sorry. I'll back off if you want." She immediately regretted offering it, but it was too late. Please don't ask me to spend less time with him.
Terra examined her carefully. She sniffled. "It's not really coming from you though, that's the problem." She looked around as if the answer would come and hit her out of nowhere. "I want to believe you, I do. But it doesn't seem platonic. I mean, he's all over you!" She gestured towards the empath.
"Terra, he's drunk." Raven stepped closer to her new friend. "He won't even remember any of this. And he loves you so much; I mean you're his dream girl or whatever." She rolled her eyes at the term and made air quotes with her fingers.
"Does he though? Love me?" Terra asked. Raven opened her mouth to speak again but the blonde continued before she could. "I mean, does he truly love me? Or does he just love the idea of me?"
Her blue eyes met Raven's violet ones in expectation.
"I…" It felt wrong to just lie to her about this. "I…don't know." Raven admitted helplessly.
Terra nodded slowly and took a deep breath to calm down.
"Do you…?" Raven curiously and softly asked her.
"Do I what?" The blonde tilted her head.
"Do you…like…truly love him? Or are you more in love with how much he loves you?" She asked softly then quickly added. "I'm not judging. I'm just…wondering."
Terra frowned in surprise and looked down as she thought about it. "To be honest…I'm not sure yet." She admitted. "Does that make me awful?"
"Of course not. Maybe…" Raven carefully chose the words in her head. "Maybe you're both not quite there yet, but that doesn't mean you can't get there. Maybe you just need a little more time." She rubbed Terra's shoulders for support.
Terra smiled slightly and dried her tears. "Yeah. Maybe you're right."
"I usually am." At least I hope so.
I'm Not That Girl (Wicked)