I'll Stand by You
He did try to redeem himself after karaoke night. He really did. Beast Boy gave Terra flowers, chocolate and teddy bears on a daily basis. He told her how pretty she was all the time. He told her how lucky he was, that he didn't deserve her and that she was the perfect girlfriend. And he meant it, too. The sex got way better; though they didn't do it that often – something about knowing Raven would know and have to leave for the night made it a little awkward. And he took her on every date he could possibly think of. He took her to dinner, to the movies, to the park, to the aquarium, to the fair, to the arcade, to the ice rink and to paintball. The only problem was the one thing he didn't do. The one thing he wasn't willing to do. And that was spending less time with Raven.
Apart from the fact Terra often found him hovering over their friend asking her to explain stuff to him and asking her opinion on every subject known to men and beast, or even from the fact he was constantly just watching her from afar, a few things had happened that she wasn't happy about in the last few weeks. The first one was when Raven decided to go on a date with Aqualad. Terra and Beast Boy had been making out on the couch.
"Yo Rae! You look awesome!" Cyborg greeted the empath merrily when she came into the ops room.
Beast Boy's head immediately turned as he pulled away from kissing his girlfriend. Raven was wearing the little black dress she got with Kory and it made his heart skip a beat.
"Take your communicator with you." Robin glanced up from his battle plans. "I have a feeling some big threat is coming for us soon. There's just not enough trouble going on. It can only mean someone is planning something huge."
"You're a little paranoid; did anyone ever tell you that?" Cyborg frowned at their leader, who just huffed in return.
"Yeah, I'm taking it." Raven pulled out her communicator to show everyone she had it with her.
"Where are you going?" Beast Boy tried to sound casual. Where are you going looking like THAT!?
Terra was watching him carefully. She didn't even look at Raven until she noticed her hesitation to answer. When she did glance at her she smiled though. "You look beautiful, Rae."
That earned the blonde a genuine small smile from the empath.
"She's going on a date with Aqualad." Cyborg said cautiously. He knew Beast Boy, and he was very aware he wasn't completely over his crush on Raven. They just hadn't discussed it in a while.
Beast Boy's brain malfunctioned. "Oh. Ermsiugha."
He wasn't sure what he meant to say, but what came out was a slurred mess.
"Is that Swahili?" Robin raised an eyebrow. "Or are you having a stroke? Raven, fix his head before you go."
"I don't think that's necessary." Terra said, narrowing her eyes at her boyfriend.
"Definitely not necessary." Raven agreed.
Beast Boy didn't seem to be listening. Not to Terra, not to Raven, not to Cyborg's laughing or Robin's concern. He didn't even listen when Starfire came in and nearly crushed Raven's spine in a proud hug before she left. He kept staring at the TV but his mind was somewhere else. For all effects, he was gone.
At least until his girlfriend elbowed him playfully. "What? Freaking out about your work-wife going on a date?"
Terra wanted to test this work-wife theory, so she needed to study his reaction to it.
Garfield could not have laughed more awkwardly. "What?! That…pfff. Why would I care about that? I don't care."
The blonde got serious. "You look like you care."
Cyborg and Starfire exchanged worried looks. They were suspicious that they both knew something the other one didn't. And they were certain they knew more than Robin and Terra.
"NO I just, I don't think he's right for her. I mean he's always hanging around water. What's that about?!"
"Maybe that's because that's his super power?" Starfire joked as she went to pull Robin out of his paranoia and bring him to watch TV with the rest of the team.
"Yeah, okay, sure. But still. It's a little fishy." He narrowed his eyes and looked at the door where Raven had left. "I didn't even know about this. I don't think you should encourage it! Where are they even going!?" His voice was high and squeaky now.
"What is your problem tonight, man?" Robin frowned incredulously. "Aqualad is our friend. And if Raven wants to go to dinner with him, she should do just that."
"You have a girlfriend, why shouldn't she date? Maybe you should just be happy for her. I mean, that's how a friend would feel." Terra teased.
"No I just..." Beast Boy suddenly stood up and started pacing back and forth in front of the TV. "Maybe because I don't become a nuclear bomb if I experience strong emotions! I mean, is anyone even considering the danger involved here!? Do you think Aqualad is going to respect that and keep it cool? I don't think so, noo because if she burns everything above surface, he can just go live in the ocean!" He flailed his arms around.
"You look like a crazy person, dude. Sit down and chill. They'll be fine." Cyborg said before eating a mouthful of popcorn.
"Yes, honey. Don't be so possessive. People will think she's your girlfriend." Terra said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.
Cyborg and Starfire froze. Robin laughed a little. Beast Boy gasped.
"That's not…I'm not…I'm…" He looked around for help but all he found was Cyborg's warning glare. He hung his head. "Yeah, okay. I'm overreacting." I'm not overreacting. This is terrible. She's going to fall in love with him and I'll lose her forever. He's probably touching her right now. He's going to kiss her. He's kissing my Raven.
"Sit down, BB. I wanna watch. Raven took on Trigon; she can take care of herself." Robin gestured for Beast Boy to take a seat so he could watch TV.
He did sit down. But he didn't watch. He wrapped his arms around an upset Terra but his mind was on Raven's date. He knew she wasn't his Raven. Obviously. She wasn't his girlfriend and he actually had a girlfriend. But he couldn't help it. His heart was tight and heavy until she came back. He sighed in relief when he realized that even though it seemed like it took her forever to come back, it really wasn't that late. They were all still up and hanging out together.
"Hello." Raven said blankly.
"Oh hello, friend Raven!" Starfire beamed at her.
"How was your date?" Dick asked friendly.
"Okay, I guess." She shrugged. "We went diving after dinner."
"What?!" Cyborg squeaked.
"That sounds romantic." Terra smiled.
"I used a force-field and he did his thing. The bottom of the ocean is dark and mysterious. It's nice." The empath said in her usual monotone.
Beast Boy could feel his heart wrenching. He didn't look at her. He didn't want to know if her face was flushed.
"Oh, how wonderful!" Starfire clapped.
Cyborg glanced over at Beast Boy worriedly.
"Anyway I'm going to change and then I'll come watch the rest of…" She pointed to the silly movie playing on screen. "…whatever that is."
Raven sensed it the whole time. Beast Boy was quiet, but his feelings were deafening. She could barely focus on the movie. He was jealous. He was painfully, selfishly, poisonously jealous and it was eating away at him.
"Do you think you're going out with him again?" Terra asked Raven when the movie ended.
Beast Boy's entire body stiffened.
"I don't know. I don't think so." The sorcerer answered plainly.
She was met with four disappointed faces and one extremely grateful stare.
"It was nice, but I don't think it's my thing. I don't really feel the need or desire to repeat it. Besides, it would be irresponsible." She elaborated. "Anyway, good night."
Raven shrugged and left to her room. Beast Boy wasn't as relieved as he thought he would be. None of what she said meant they hadn't kissed. He wanted to ask her about it, but he needed to wait to get her alone. So he swallowed his jealousy and pain and held Terra's hand.
The second thing that happened that Terra didn't like was only a few days later. It was a sparring match. It had been a while since Beast Boy and Raven were paired at training because Robin wasn't completely clueless to the tension and awkwardness – only to the reasons behind them. But now he needed them to get over it. He was sure something big was going to happen soon. They had spent a lot of time working on their powers already, so he told them to spar without them. He wanted everyone sharp on fighting skills just in case.
Beast Boy approached Raven before their match and leaned smugly against the wall. "Hey there."
Raven frowned and finished her bottle of water. His posture and tone were very different from his usual goofy self. Is he trying to look cool or something? "Hi. Are you trying to impersonate a jerk?"
"Harsh." He smirked. And then his eyes got darker. "Did you kiss him?"
"What?" Raven looked at him quizzically.
"Aqualad." Garfield spoke the word slowly as if she was stupid. "Did you kiss him?"
Raven folded her arms and glared at him. Why is he acting like this? "Am I supposed to be intimidated by…" She gestured to all of him. "…whatever this is?"
His jaw clenched and he felt uneasiness building up in his gut. Why isn't she answering? "Just answer the question."
Raven was puzzled. And very much not intimidated. She hadn't kissed Aqualad. But the way Beast Boy was acting was very undeserving of the truth.
"What's it to you?" She raised an arrogant eyebrow. "It's none of your business, is it?"
Beast Boy's eyes widened and his heart ached. His jealousy squeezed his insides painfully. He said nothing else and headed to the tatami with all his muscles tensed up. When they started to fight, he was more aggressive than ever. He wanted to subdue her. He'd never felt like this before. He hated it, but he couldn't stop. He just had to beat her at something. He just had to feel like he had the upper hand for once.
Except Raven was pissed too. The way she saw it, he didn't even have the right to be jealous. She was the one who had to spend the night out while he had sex with his perfect girlfriend. If anyone would get the right to behave like a jerk it should be her. Why was he feeling entitled? She wanted to put him in his place so bad. She painfully noticed she wasn't shorter than her anymore. They were about the same size. She cursed internally for not being able to use her powers for this. Garfield was still thinner than Robin – especially since Dick got a growth spurt last year and seemed to gain new muscles with it, but she had a dreadful sensation he was physically stronger than her now. But it didn't matter, she was highly motivated.
Their match quickly went from aggressive to awkward. At first Robin was pleased with their commitment. He'd never seen them try this hard. But then it started to get…weird. Intimate. They'd get tangled in each other in the most confusing ways. There was a point when Raven's legs were wrapped around Beast Boy's shoulders. There was another when Beast Boy had his entire body pressed to her back while he pinned her to the floor. They got wrapped around each other in every possible way. Her legs around his waist. His arms around her torso. The sweat made it easier for them to keep escaping each other. Sure, they were fighting. But somehow it felt personal, intense, competitive and awkwardly…sexual? And then there was the fact that every other training equipment had been flying around the room enveloped in dark energy. Basically the only thing Raven's powers weren't affecting was their match.
Cyborg and Robin were completely puzzled as they watched. They found the whole thing extremely confusing and disturbing as they weren't quite sure what they were witnessing. Sure Cyborg knew about Beast Boy's crush, but that didn't really explain this. Even Starfire, who knew the most, was holding her breath. Terra was absolutely uncomfortable, but she couldn't look away. No one could look away – except to dodge some flying object, that is. Robin and Cyborg tilted their heads to the side.
"Does this seem wrong to you somehow?" Robin asked his friend.
Cyborg just nodded with a baffled look on his face.
"Okay guys I think that's enough." Robin tried to stop the match. He made a mental note to trust his instincts more. He was right not to pair them up.
They didn't listen. And then Beast Boy pinned Raven to the floor. He lowered his hips to immobilize hers and trapped her legs with his, and then he pinned her arms down on each side of her head by holding her wrists. She struggled and grunted and glared and she desperately tried to escape his tight grip, but she couldn't. Garfield stared at her hungrily and the more she struggled the darker his eyes became. And then he smiled at her. It was a mischievous smile too. She was all sweaty and frustrated. She just looked so good.
"Get off of me." There was a visceral quality to her low voice. She didn't care if they weren't supposed to use powers. She wasn't going to let him look at her like that. Besides, she could sense him. And he was definitely turned on. "Now."
Raven's eyes glowed white and Beast Boy was thrown across the room by dark, magical energy. The others gasped loudly, but he just got back up on his feet hastily as soon as he could, looking completely outraged.
"Hey! We weren't supposed to use powers!" Garfield shouted, even though in reality, she kind of saved him. His blood had been rushing to dangerous areas before she did it and if he had her pinned down for a few more seconds the whole thing would have been a lot more embarrassing. He had sort of forgotten about everyone else. He had been focused on her.
"Fuck you, Beast Boy." Raven gave him the most resentful and disappointed glare she had ever given him and turned to leave. "Sorry, Dick." She muttered to Robin as she passed by him and stormed out.
"What was that?!" Robin asked the shapeshifter, who was still composing himself.
Starfire had already left after Raven.
"We had an argument. I guess we got carried away. Sorry, Robin." Garfield said as he also left, not daring to meet Terra's eyes. She knew when he was turned on. She always knew. She would know.
Little did he know she didn't need to see his eyes. She already knew.
"Friend Raven, are you okay?" Kory knocked on her friend's door.
Raven opened the door for the alien to step inside. "No, I am not."
The thing was, Raven was hurting. She wasn't letting it show or acting on it, but seeing Terra and Beast Boy together wounded her. That's why she went on that stupid date anyway, to get her mind off of them, to get distracted. Not that it worked. She had already told him there wouldn't be a second date. But the point was she was hurting, but she was enduring it quietly because she wanted both those idiots to be happy. So for Beast Boy to suddenly start acting like a jerk and trying to make her feel like she did something wrong was too much.
"I hate him." The empath said bitterly as she sat down on her bed and absentmindedly held the plush turtle he gave her to her chest.
"I know." Starfire sat down next to her.
"I don't know why I let him bother me this much." Raven whispered after a few seconds.
Starfire nodded. She was starting to think that she had her own theory. And that was that Raven liked Beast Boy way more than she realized. But she couldn't tell her that, because if Raven couldn't do anything about it, then making her admit it just seemed…cruel.
"Rae…are you absolutely certain that you really can't have a romantic relationship if you want? You have been getting better at the controlling of your powers over the years. Maybe one day you could…"
"Kory." Raven took a deep breath. "I don't want a romantic relationship. I don't care about that. I just want…" Him. I just want HIM. Raven widened her eyes at her own thoughts. Wait, what!?
"Oh." Kory basically read Raven's mind and her eyes widened as well. She waited for Raven to deny it, but the empath just stared at her as if she'd just been caught. "Well…that's what I'm saying. If you really want to…"
"No." Raven interrupted her. "Think about it, Kory. He drives me crazy as it is. He's emotional, needy, pushy, immature and clingy. Can you imagine what would happen if his influence in my life was bigger? I mean, what would I do with someone like that? I'd succumb to evil and break his heart. And then I'd break the world to go with it." She exhaled.
Starfire bit her lip. She wanted Raven to be happy. She wanted it so badly. But she couldn't argue with anything the empath had just said. Then Raven grunted in frustration and Kory soon found out why.
"Raven?" Beast Boy's voice called outside her door.
"Do you want me to tell him to go away?" Kory whispered.
Raven closed her eyes to sense him. He was sorry. He was still jealous, but now he felt guilty too. She sighed and walked up to her door without opening it. "Are you still impersonating a jerk?"
"No, I'm done with that." He answered remorsefully.
She opened the door.
Garfield could tell she was upset. He opened his mouth but then he saw Starfire on her bed, holding her plush turtle and smiling awkwardly at him, so he cleared his throat and whispered. "Can I mm…talk to you alone?"
"No. Whatever you want to say can be said in front of Kory."
The Tamaranean then waved at him and gave him a knowing smile.
"Wait…does she know…?" Beast Boy stared meaningfully at Raven and she nodded at him. He suddenly felt embarrassed. "Oh. You told her?"
"She's my best friend." Raven said plainly and Starfire beamed behind her. Raven refused to explain herself. She deserved to be able to confide in someone about this mess.
I know everything. She tells me everything. Garfield remembered what Raven told him that night. Apparently now Starfire knew everything too. At least it seemed like she didn't share it with Robin. "Right. Yeah, I know. Mmm…well, I'm sorry. I don't know what that was. I don't know why I even started talking to you like that. I felt…"
Beast Boy looked down and tried to find the right word. Jealous? Possessive? Territorial? None of them sounded acceptable.
"Well, it was rather alarming." Raven placed one hand on her hip.
"I know. I'm sorry." He dropped his shoulders. "I can't do anything right."
Raven thought it did seem like he'd been apologizing a lot lately. But then again, the choices were all his. "No, you don't get to throw yourself a pity party. All you had to do was to behave like a normal person and ask me what you wanted to know as my friend instead of being an asshole about it."
If Garfield was being honest, he was still a bit upset. She rejected him because in theory she didn't want to – or couldn't – date anyone, but she went out with Aqualad anyway. He didn't understand why. It made him feel like she used her powers as an excuse to reject him when in reality she was just repulsed by him and couldn't own up to it.
"I didn't want to sound lame." He admitted quietly.
"So behaving like a jerk is preferable?" Raven stared at him quizzically. None of it made sense to her. "I don't like that version of you, you know."
"Me neither."
Several seconds passed while Beast Boy stared at the floor and Raven stared at Beast Boy.
"I didn't." She suddenly said.
"Huh?" He looked up.
"Not that it's any of your business or that you'd have any say in it. But I didn't kiss him."
Beast Boy's heart fluttered against his better judgement. Oh thank God. Maybe she just felt bad for him. She's not in love with him.
"Also I am sorry for throwing you across the room." Raven said calmly. She really was sorry for that, but she was surprised at how much easier it was to apologize to him now when compared to a few months ago. "If you're hurt, I'll heal you. I'm sorry."
Garfield felt excitement building in his gut. He liked it when she healed him – as long as it didn't hurt her, of course. Then he could hear Starfire giggle. Why is she giggling?
Raven rolled her eyes. "Get that stupid grin off your face, Beast Boy. It's inappropriate."
Terra didn't witness that last part of course, but the sparring had been enough to raise red flags. Now, the third thing that she was displeased about went down a few days later and it was very subtle, but she noticed it anyway. They had all been playing cards together – though they all knew either Robin or Raven would win.
"Hey Rae, is your hair a little longer?" Garfield asked the empath out of nowhere.
Raven looked up from her cards. "…huh? Oh, yeah I've been letting it grow a bit."
Everyone stared at her questioningly.
"What? I can change my hair if I want to." She said plainly.
"I mean, obviously." Robin stated. "It's just that…well, you never did."
"It's just kinda unexpected." Cyborg narrowed his eyes.
"Why?" Terra asked Raven.
The empath shrugged nonchalantly. "I've been feeling…a bit different than my old self lately."
"And so you want to look different to go with it, yes?" Kory beamed.
"Kind of."
It would have seemed like nothing if it wasn't for Beast Boy's hopeful, enormous and probably delusional smile. He could have gotten away with it, but Terra was onto him at this point.
"Cool." The shapeshifter tried to sound as indifferent as he possibly could.
And then the big one happened a little while after that. The Titans had found and rescued six young women who had been missing for over a month. It turned out they had been kidnapped by the same psycho and kept in a basement. The whole thing was much grimmer than their usual crime-fighting against silly villains. The girls had been too traumatized to talk, so Raven absorbed some of their pain. When the superheroes finally returned to the safety of their home, she was very quiet – as in, quieter than usual. The empath silently went up to the roof and Beast Boy followed her.
"I want to be alone." She whispered from where she was staring out at the city when she sensed him approach.
Beast Boy bit his lip and hesitated. He didn't want to leave her. His instincts told him this wasn't one of those times when she actually did want to be alone. He stood there awkwardly until he heard her sniffle quietly. And then his heart sank. Is she crying?
"Rae…" Garfield stepped closer to her. "Please talk to me. I know you're not okay."
Raven turned around to look at him. There were tears in her eyes, but she didn't allow them to roll down her face. "It's just…I saw what he did. And I felt what they felt." Her voice broke slightly and she looked away again. "I can't talk about it…I just can't."
Beast Boy pondered for a moment. He had decided he wasn't going to leave – that wasn't even an option now. He wanted to ease her pain. But forcing her to talk about it didn't seem wise. What else could he do?
Then Raven suddenly heard a soft melody start playing. She looked around confused and it was coming from Beast Boy's phone on the floor. She also recognized the melody now. It was I'll Stand by You.
Raven rolled her eyes, still looking sad. "Again with this song?"
He just smiled slightly, walked up to her and took her hands in his. Then he started moving their arms back and forth to the rhythm rocking their bodies along with it.
"What are you doing?" Raven was genuinely confused.
Beast Boy grinned and started making wider moves. "I'm dancing with you."
Raven frowned. What a ridiculous idea. She didn't fight it though. She didn't do anything at first. Her body just automatically moved along with him like a ragdoll while she stared at him with a bored expression on her face. He was making such a fool of himself. Grinning encouragingly at her while he tried to move enough for the both of them. She stared at him and it warmed her heart. He didn't need to do this. It wasn't his – or anyone's – job to notice she was struggling and make her feel better. And he looked so stupidly happy it really did soothe her pain. He was just endearingly kind. So she started moving along with him in that idiotic dance – if one could even call it that.
That made him ecstatic. He pulled her closer bringing one hand to her waist and started moving with her in the silliest, corniest, most over-the-top possible way. Their joined hands would go up and down and their entire bodies would follow. Raven rested her free hand on his shoulder and went along with it, thinking this probably wasn't the proper way to dance to this song. Or to any song. He started twirling them around and that was when she chuckled. It probably looked as lame as it felt, but she didn't care. She was safe. She was warm. She was loved. And she was in on it now. He spun her around by the hand and then he did the dip by leaning her back. Then he pulled her back up and she wrapped both her arms around his shoulders and giggled softly, feeding his ecstasy. Raven didn't even care if he teased her about it later. She just felt so grateful for him.
Beast Boy's arms were wrapped around her waist and he fought against the urge to pull her closer. This wasn't about how attracted to her he was. This was about making her feel better. So he kept a respectful distance between them and admired her smiling face. Garfield started singing the lyrics quietly to her. She was having fun and she wasn't trying to hide it. He realized in pure bliss that his plan worked. She felt better. He made her feel better and now she was smiling and giggling at him while they swayed their bodies to the music like two clumsy teenagers at prom. His heart soared and swelled with pride and relief. At least for a little bit, he had taken her pain away. And then the song ended. They stared at each other for a while, smiling and catching their breath.
"You're an idiot, you know that?" Raven spoke first.
She had somewhat recovered her stoic expression but she was still flushed from all the spinning around and she couldn't hide the caring in her eyes and voice.
"I know. But I'm your idiot." Beast Boy beamed at her.
Raven felt a delicious squeeze in her heart and began to smile at that, but then she quickly bit her lip as she reminded herself that in spite of what he was saying, he wasn't her idiot, he was Terra's idiot. But she was still grateful for him.
"I feel better. We should go back." Raven led the way and just before they got back inside, she gripped his arm to stop him. "Oh, and…thank you." She told him sincerely and then turned to hide the blush that rose to her cheeks when he beamed at her again.
Speaking of Terra, when they joined the others for dinner Beast Boy noticed she was giving him the cold shoulder again. Also she was strangely quiet. Raven picked up on hurt, anger, regret, jealousy and resentment. She wasn't sure what happened because Terra had been fine before, but when she tried to talk to her she said it wasn't a good time and Raven could tell she meant it, so she backed off.
The thing was, Terra had seen them. She hadn't witnessed the whole thing, but she did go up to the roof to call them both for dinner and she did watch them for a few seconds, staying completely unnoticed in spite of Garfield's heightened senses and Raven's empathic abilities. Apparently they were both too caught up in each other to notice anything else. They were laughing and twirling lamely, but there was something profound about the way they were looking at each other, or rather drowning in each other. That was the moment she knew. She knew something was terribly wrong.
So now here she was, feeling very displeased about all these things and looking for her boyfriend to talk about it. She had been dry and avoiding him a lot since the rooftop show and every time he asked her what was wrong she said it was nothing, which they both knew was a lie. She wasn't avoiding Raven as much, but she did eventually shoot her a rude, snarky retort that made everyone freeze. She didn't mean to. She didn't want to quarrel with Raven, they had only just started to get along. But she couldn't help it, she was jealous. The worst part was Raven kept letting her get away with it, which made her think the empath felt guilty about something.
The Titan sorcerer was on the roof again, floating in her Lotus stance and surrounded by candles and crystals scattered around a huge symbol painted on the floor – as in, on the roof's surface. Usually she would do this kind of thing in her room, but this one would benefit from an open area since she was planning to draw some moonlight energy for this. It was just getting dark and she was ready.
Raven closed her eyes and focused. "Azarath…Metrion…"
"Whatcha doiiing?"
Beast Boy's familiar voice cut her concentration before his aura even announced him.
"A spell." She frowned trying to remain focused.
"Ohhh sweet. What does it do?"
Raven opened one eye to see him sitting on the floor right outside the symbol she painted with his legs crossed staring at her like a child ready to watch a magic show. She sighed and lowered herself to the floor, remaining in her signature Lotus position.
"Nothing yet. I was able to create a spell that made Starfire and I look…well, normal." She ignored his amazed expression and continued before he could speak. "But that was just for shopping in peace. It was still our faces; our enemies would still recognize us. I'm trying to enhance it so that I can make us all look entirely different to other people, or maybe even make it so they can't see us at all."
"Woah, hold up. You're inventing spells now?" Beast Boy was flabbergasted. "That is so wicked! In like, the best way. So can you make me look normal and brawny?"
"Why would I do that?" Raven raised an eyebrow at him.
"For fun?" He grinned charmingly.
Raven rolled her eyes. She almost told him she liked him way better this way. Almost. "I don't think so." She said plainly. "You shouldn't be here, you know."
"I'm not going to disturb you, I'll be quiet!" Garfield pouted.
"No, I mean because of Terra. I don't think she'll be happy about it. She's mad at both of us and the only explanation is she thinks you're spending too much alone time with me."
"Nah, that's not it." He huffed to dismiss her concerns. "It's probably something stupid that I did. She's not mad at you."
"She's not happy with me either."
"Okay fine I'll talk to her again. But she won't tell me what's wrong! She'll barely even talk to me. I feel like I'm grounded or something and I don't even know why. But I'll do it later, do your thing first!" He adjusted his position for comfort.
In reality, she wanted him to stay. But lately she could tell Terra was resenting them. And Raven certainly didn't want to be the reason they broke up or anything like that. Also she wasn't planning on losing Terra's friendship, so she needed to keep her distance.
"No." Raven raised a scolding eyebrow at him. "You shouldn't be here with me. You have a girlfriend, who I happen to like. You should go be with her."
"Well at least one of you remembers I exist."
Terra's voice suddenly interrupted any train of thought Beast Boy had been working on.
"GAHWK!" Garfield jumped. Once again, he hadn't smelled her coming. All he smelled was lavender.
He was more startled than Raven, because she sensed Terra coming in a second before she spoke. The empath was still slightly startled at her tone.
"Can I talk to my boyfriend, please?" Terra spoke directly to Raven in a somewhat bitter way.
Sure, never mind it took me thirty minutes to set this up to try this spell. Talk to your boyfriend, by all means. Raven got up calmly and headed out without a word. Beast Boy gulped.
"Do you want to start or should I?" Terra spoke with poison dripping out of every word.
"Please." He gestured for her to start. "I have no idea why you're angry so enlighten me."
"You have no idea?" She glared at him. "How about the fact that I'm not stupid, Garfield?"
Every time she called him Garfield instead of BB meant bad news.
"Terra, I don't know what you're talking about!" He frowned pitifully at her. "Is this about Raven?"
"What do you think?" She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes.
"Ugh, Terra there's nothing going on between me and Raven!" Beast Boy squeaked, flailing his arms around. "Is this still about karaoke night?!"
"No, Garfield. This is about all of it. This is about the fact that you prefer another girl's company over mine." She raised her hand to shut him up before he could reply and then she continued. "This is about you being together alone all the time, you going to her with all your news and problems before you even come to me, having a psychotic break when she goes on a date, staring at her all the time like a stalker, sparring like you're in sexual power battle, noticing every little thing about her, dancing together and laughing on the rooftop…and yes, I saw that. Should I go on?"
Beast Boy was petrified. His eyes were was as wide as they got and he searched his brain for a way to respond.
"Terra." The shapeshifter said as calmly as he could manage and he looked her in the eyes. "There is nothing going on between me and Raven." He repeated himself, but this time more seriously. "I would never cheat on you. And Raven would never be with me anyway, so this whole thing in insane. She's just my friend."
Nothing he said was a lie; it just wasn't the whole truth. Terra examined him for a few seconds.
"I believe you." She said quietly.
He exhaled. Maybe he'd still have a girlfriend after this.
"But the thing is…even if it is just platonic…it's bothering me."
"Huh?" He frowned.
"I should be your favorite person. And I'm not. It hurts."
"Terra, what are you talking about?" Beast Boy ran to her and took her hands in his. "What's this favorite person thing? I love everyone here, but you're the only one I love in a romantic way." Liar. That is a lie. He ignored his brain correcting him. She didn't need to know about his crush. It wouldn't help anyone. "You're my girlfriend. Starfire's my sister. Cyborg's my brother. Robin's my role model, I guess. And Raven…" He thought about it while Terra held her breath. "…is my rock. I can't cut her off my life or stop talking to her. Please don't ask me to."
He felt bad. He felt bad because he knew she wasn't crazy. He did have feelings for Raven. But Raven wasn't an option in that way – and she never would be. And he had feelings for Terra, too. Strong, romantic feelings. Should he hopelessly pine over Raven for the rest of his life or should he try to be happy? Terra made him happy. And he hoped his feelings for Raven would eventually dim down. But he would still need to keep her in his life. He needed her around. That much he couldn't give up.
"I'm not saying stop talking to her, just…this bond you two have, can't you tone it down a notch? It's disrespectful at times and it makes me uncomfortable." Terra said.
She could tell he was being sincere and she was a little relieved. She understood Raven was important to him. But still, she wasn't leaving without some kind of reassurance that she was his priority. Beast Boy looked at her pleadingly. He didn't want to hurt her, but he really didn't want to agree to this.
"I don't want to lose you…" Garfield said quietly.
"Then don't. Just say you can do it."
His eyes met hers and he pulled her into a very passionate kiss. She melted into it. They kissed for a long time and he held her close the whole time, like he was scared she'd slip away. It started out desperate and intense and became sweeter and more romantic after a while. They pulled away after a few minutes and smiled at each other.
Beast Boy figured he hadn't lost her from the way she was looking at him. It was nearly perfect. It was nearly perfect because she was fun, and pretty, and lovely, and amazing. She just wasn't…well, Raven. But still, nearly perfect. "I love you, Terra."
Terra on her end was speechless and honestly breathless after that. She did feel reassured that he loved her. No one kisses someone like that unless they're passionate about them. She just didn't fail to notice that he did not say he agreed to her conditions after all.
As for Raven, she felt their passion from her room. It was absolute torture. She almost left, but she made herself stay and endure it. She had to get used to it. She'd probably be at their wedding. So she closed her eyes and inhaled. "Azarath…Metrion…Zinthos…"
Things got even more awkward after that. Beast Boy tried to avoid staring longingly at Raven in case Terra was around to catch him, but he was so obvious about it that made it even worse. He still spent a lot of time with Raven, but now he let Terra know. He texted her and told her what they were doing and asked if she'd like to join them. It wasn't ideal. He missed spending alone time with Raven and watching her loosen up more. Terra usually met them and acted cold towards Raven so Raven just ended up leaving and going somewhere else. Beast Boy missed her so much.
"I wish Terra would stop being weird around me." Raven closed her book and sighed, addressing her Tamaranean best friend.
They had been reading in Starfire's room. Kory had a gossip magazine in her hands and Raven had been reading a magic book to see if she figured out how to make her incognito spell work.
"I know." Koriand'r nodded. "I've been meaning to invite Bumblebee to a girls' night so we could all hang out…"
"Please don't. She hates me. Terra, I mean. Not Bumblebee."
"She does not hate you. Why don't you just talk to her?" Kory moved from her upside down position on her bed to look at her friend properly.
"I want to. But she's going to straight up ask me if I have feelings for him. And…I don't want to lie to her." Raven said quietly, rubbing her own arm.
"I see." Starfire exhaled and collapsed on the bed again, staring at the ceiling in silence for a while. Then she smiled. "Did I tell you my brilliant boyfriend finally caught up with it?"
Absolute silence followed. Kory frowned and looked at Raven again to see the empath looking like she'd just seen a ghost – except much worse because Raven probably wouldn't be terrified at all if she saw a ghost, but she looked terrified.
"…he knows…?" Raven managed to ask. The idea of Richard of all people learning that she was pining over Beast Boy was something she certainly wasn't comfortable with.
"Oh!" Starfire suddenly understood her friend's fears. "Noo I did not mean that he has the knowledge about your feelings. He's in the dark about that for sure. So is Cyborg. I'm certain of it." She giggled regretfully as Raven's natural ashen color returned to her face. She'd gotten even paler somehow. "No…he knows that BB likes you."
Raven's heart skipped a beat and she cursed it for doing so. Hearing someone else say that he liked her felt…different.
"You see, the other day he said:" The Tamaranean cleared her throat to imitate her boyfriend's voice. "Honey, I have a crazy theory. You know how Beast Boy has been a bit obsessed with Raven for a while? I mean he's all over her most of the time, but then he's been rude to her, ignored her, serenaded her, and I could swear he acts nervous around her sometimes. He freaked out when she went out with Aqualad…and Terra seems to have beef with her again. I know it sounds nuts but hear me out: what if BB has a crush on Raven?"
Raven and Starfire stared at each other blankly for several seconds and then burst into laughter. Well, Raven's was more a light chuckle, but still.
"Boy Wonder, indeed." The empath said fondly. "What did you say?"
"I just looked at him and he realized I already knew. Then he freaked out and asked me how much I know but I told him he should just ask BB or Cyborg. It seemed right. I think Cyborg knows about BB's feelings too. I think they had the guy talk about it."
"You know what, Kor?"
"What, Rae?"
"You're much more perceptive than people give you credit for."
Starfire's giant and proud grin met Raven's small smile for a moment. And then there was a deafening thumping sound that made the whole tower reverberate. The two girls immediately floated into the air and out of the room looking for the source. It seemed to come from the first floor. There was a harrowing growl and horrifying screams. They realized the roaring was coming from outside the tower. It all happened so fast that by the time they got there all they could see was Beast Boy's Beast form swimming towards the city. But it was different than they remembered. Much bigger. Much faster. Much more dangerous. And unlike the last time they saw it, now it seemed completely out of control.
"That's not him. It's pure rage." Raven read the Beast's emotions – if one could even call them that.
They followed him and tried to prevent death and destruction but it seemed cleaning up his mess was all they could do. If their friend was in there somewhere, he definitely couldn't hear them. Nothing would stop him either. At first they held back, but they quickly understood there was no need for that. Starfire's lasers slowed him down at best, so did Cyborg's blasts or Robin's boomerangs. But nothing stopped his deranged outbreak.
Terra tried to trap him by moving the earth around him. It didn't work. And he didn't like it one bit. The Beast moved angrily towards Terra growling and howling and screeching in the most appalling way. He had his teeth out and it was the most menacing thing they'd seen since Trigon. He was preying on her and the huge rocks she hit him with did little to hold him back.
"Raven. Stop him." Robin commanded.
She was already on it, of course. The problem was it wasn't working. Why isn't it working?! She concentrated and tried again. Robin looked at her expectantly while Starfire and Cyborg desperately tried to stop whatever that was from killing his girlfriend by trying to divert his attention, which wasn't working either.
"Fuck." Raven's eyes widened.
"Fuck? What do you mean fuck?!" Richard asked her urgently.
"I think that thing is immune to magic."
They both watched in horror while the Beast violently hit both Cyborg and Starfire throwing them to the sides and charged at Terra with fierce determination. Raven began to teleport but Robin gripped her arm to stop her.
"What?! He's going to kill her. This isn't like last time. I can sense him. It's going to kill." She blurted out desperately.
"But if you can't hurt it, it will kill you."
Raven looked at them again. Terra was dodging his attacks in a flying piece of rock but Raven could tell it wouldn't last. He was too fast and too enormous to escape. He would get her soon. And he would kill her. And he would never forgive himself. She shook Robin's hand off her arm.
"Raven! What are you gonna do?!" Dick didn't know what to do either, but Raven going in there with no power to fight this thing wasn't what he had in mind.
"I don't know."
She teleported right when he was going for the kill. Raven appeared out of thin air between Terra and the Beast, floating in his eye line, with no plan whatsoever. Maybe I should have thought this through. Dick was probably cursing her for losing all her senses. But in spite of all of that, she wasn't dead. Her appearing out of nowhere startled him slightly and he hesitated for a second. But she certainly wasn't safe. The Beast glared intimidatingly, huffing and fuming and growling. Then he made everybody's blood run cold, because he opened his huge mouth – that could probably fit three of her – and roared aggressively in her face. This Beast wasn't as big as a T-Rex in size, but its chilling roar was a hundred times worse. Raven's hair and cape flew wildly with the wind that came from it.
She shut her eyes closed and turned her head to the side instinctively. I'm going to die. The empath tried to clear her thoughts. I can't die today. I'm not ready. And if he kills me he'll hate himself forever. She quickly scanned her sharp mind for what to do. There was only one right answer. They needed Beast Boy to take control again. It was the only acceptable way out.
"I-it's okay, Gar." She said quietly, tensing up when he roared again.
She needed to stop him. If he killed her or Terra – or any of these people to be honest – he would never be the same. His innocence would be gone. Sure, she needed to protect people from him, but she also needed to protect him. She couldn't let this happen. She thought about freezing time but she hadn't figured out how to control that power yet. What she needed was for Beast Boy to come back. She had this one crazy, cheesy idea. It was insane, but it was all she had. Everyone else was paralyzed. Nobody wanted to move in case it made Beast Boy swallow Raven whole, so no one else had a plan.
Raven kept her head turned and her eyes closed and tried to control her pounding heart and unsteady breathing. "Oh…why you look so sad…?"
She started…singing? Well, barely, since it came out all strangled between short and shaky breaths and sobs. Fear of getting killed by a dear friend will do that to you. The Beast was unsettled, but it hadn't attacked her yet. She took a deep breath and whispered the next two verses. The harmony was becoming a bit more recognizable, even though her voice was still breaking. She could sense it made him slightly less angry, so she swallowed and continued. The Beast felt a little calmer and her voice became a little clearer and louder as her confidence on this corny-ass plan grew.
Raven focused on the words. She focused on him. She could tell he was moving closer and studying her even though her eyes were still closed. And she forgot about everyone else. All she could sense was him. It was like they were in a void, just her and this tortured, violent animal. And she was soothing it. So she slowly and carefully stretched out her arm and let her hand hover in the air. She kept looking away though.
"…could make me love you less…"
And then she inhaled sharply because she felt it. Fur. In her hand. Raven started singing the chorus. She was singing softly, not at all like the way he sang it to her. But she meant every word too. She could feel his breathing becoming steadier under her touch and she dared to look at him. His snout was in her hand. But he was still in pain. Raven started singing the next verses and she was completely in trance with him at this point. The empath relaxed slightly and caressed the side of his giant head with her other hand. His size started to diminish. He almost sounded like he was purring now.
"…I get angry too…"
She leaned her forehead against his snout. He got smaller and smaller and she lowered herself to the ground to continue touching him.
"Well I'm a lot like you…"
His shape began to transform. Raven continued singing softly, but more firmly now as she got to the bridge of the song. It was working. He was changing back. The anger and the pain were dissipating. She allowed a strangled smile to appear on her lips. Then she realized her cheeks felt wet. Had she cried? She was slowly becoming aware of her surroundings again.
"I'll stand by you…"
Garfield Logan became his human self again. Then he looked down at himself extremely confused. His mind was blurry, but he definitely remembered. He had been there, but he couldn't take control. Beast Boy had never felt so scared. What happened to me? Then he looked up at her with helpless eyes.
"R-Raven?" He sobbed.
Raven wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. He gratefully wrapped his own arms around her waist and buried his face in her neck. Then he cried. As in, he bawled his eyes out.
"It's okay. You're okay. I got you." She whispered in his ear so no one else would hear.
And she held him there for as long as he wanted her to. She didn't mind the people clapping or whistling. She was certain she would mind all the attention this would get later, since someone had definitely filmed it. But right now she didn't. She could sense their friends getting closer to them and how relieved and amazed they were. But she didn't let go of him until he stopped crying and pulled away. Beast Boy wiped his face with his hands.
"Wow. That was…wow." Cyborg was the first to speak. "How are you feeling, little dude?"
"I…what happened to me?" Garfield asked as he gratefully took Robin's cape to cover himself since his uniform was once again all torn up.
"It was Adonis. I saw him." Cyborg spoke again. "He did something to you. He had this weapon. He like, sprayed you with something. You lost it when you inhaled whatever that was."
Beast Boy swallowed. Raven thought he looked terrified and small and broken and she had to fight the urge to hold him again. Terra should probably be the one to do that. She made space for her. Terra walked by her and hugged him. There. Right how it should be. Even though he kept shooting Raven meaningful looks from Terra's arms.
But the empath was angry now. "So he drugged him?" She hissed.
Cyborg nodded silently.
"Oh, friend Beast Boy!" Starfire involved both Beast Boy and Terra in a careful hug.
"You're safe now." Robin looked around. "But we should probably go home. I still have a bad feeling about all this. I could swear I saw Slade in the crowd."
Raven was happy to teleport them to the safety of their home. Cyborg started working on figuring out what Adonis used to make Beast Boy lose control like that. Robin started looking around for…he wasn't sure what. But he just knew there was more to this. He could swear he saw Slade. Starfire saw Raven sitting down looking out the window hugging her knees to her chest and went to sit with her. She wrapped an arm around her friend for support.
And Terra…Terra was grabbing something for Beast Boy to eat and feeling conflicted about the whole thing. She was happy she wasn't killed, obviously, and she was happy Beast Boy was himself again and no one else got killed. And she was grateful to Raven for all of that and she was obviously glad it worked and didn't get her killed either. But still…work-wife my ass.
"I had no control. It was awful." Beast Boy felt absolutely miserable. Well, except for the warm fuzzy feeling Raven's rescue left him with.
He needed to talk to her about it. He needed to thank her properly. He knew it was awfully scary for her too. But if he talked to her right now he would profess his undying love or something. Besides, Kory was with her. So he let Cyborg and Terra comfort him. He needed to cool down first anyway. He felt sore, maybe later he could see if she could heal him and then they could talk.
"This is weird…" Robin scratched his head.
"What, honey?" Starfire turned her head from where she was sitting with Raven to look at him.
"I know you'll all just say I'm paranoid, but I could swear this was the terrible thing I've been waiting to happen. I have this nagging feeling this was a distraction…"
"I don't think anyone could have guessed Raven would sing him out of it, dude." Cyborg said. "Pretty sure Adonis wanted to make him a murderer and make us look really bad."
"Yeah. Maybe. But I could swear there'd be more to it. But everything looks…normal."
Raven's eyes suddenly widened and her blood ran cold. She bolted to her room leaving five very confused Titans behind. She came back paler than ever. "It's gone." She whispered.
"What's gone?" Robin immediately became serious again.
"Those artefacts Klarion had made to remove my powers. I have no idea how to destroy them or if it's even possible, so I hid them in my room."
Raven looked scared again. Beast Boy felt his chest wrenching.
"That's gone?!" Robin saw red. He nearly lost several team members today, and now someone – probably Slade – had the tool to Raven's demise.
Starfire had her hand over her mouth in shock and horror. Cyborg had a miserable frown on his face.
"So…whoever this is…it's targeting you?" Terra looked at Raven and for once there wasn't any animosity in her eyes.
"Yes. You weren't here, but those things make me completely powerless. Whoever stole them has plans for…well, for me." Raven whispered the last part.
"But how does it work?! They need to get to you first, right?" Terra's voice was high-pitched and nearly hysterical. If this was Slade, she knew how far he could go to control someone.
"They're just bracelets. Klarion managed to blackmail me into them and he isn't that bright. Whoever planned this can certainly…" Raven trailed off, absolutely distracted by her own fears.
"Raven." Robin said firmly. "This isn't going to happen again. We're not letting this happen."
He spoke with such confidence she actually felt better. When she looked at her friends, they all had warm, fierce and reassuring looks on their faces. Even Terra. Beast Boy on the other hand looked more…tortured.
Raven rolled her shoulders back and composed herself, looking stoic as ever again. "Right. And, worst case scenario, you can all just rescue me again."
"Always, girl." Cyborg winked at her and chuckled.
"Preferably before I've endured torture or burned at the stake."
Sometimes her sense of humor didn't work with this crowd. Everyone just frowned and flinched.
"Certainly before those." Starfire chuckled awkwardly.
"We're not letting them get you." Beast Boy suddenly spoke in a serious and intense voice. "No one's laying a finger on you."
Raven felt her heart squeeze a little with his protective tone.
"Damn right. I need my right-hand woman right here." Robin smiled reassuringly and then moved closer to Raven and whispered the next part. "By the way, what you did was amazing, but…no more suicide missions, okay?"
"Yes, sir." Raven whispered back playfully.
We're getting close to the crossover chapters and trust me, they'll change everything :)
I'll Stand by You (The Pretenders)
I've added an acoustic version to the playlist as well because it was the closest I could find to Raven's version.