The Sorting Hat's New Trick
Written for Lamia of the Dark's Return of the Daily Weird Prompt Thing
Today's prompt - write whatever you want
The warm, late September sun shown brightly overhead as the students of Hogwarts sat in the Great Hall eating lunch. Above them, a few thin whisps of white clouds lazily drifted by on cool autumn winds, the ceiling high above mirroring the pale blue sky with streaks of white and the occasional bird passing by.
Students were conversing with each other in pleasant tones as they ate. The afternoon was calm and peaceful, that is until a sixteen year old wizard came running into the Great Hall, laughing as he held the Sorting Hat by its tattered brim.
"Severus!" the young wizard called out as he ran towards the Slytherin table. "Severus, you've got to see this!"
Severus Snape looked up from his meal as the older wizard approached the table.
"What are you doing, Scabior?" Severus queried, raising an eyebrow as he cast a curious but cautious glance at Scabior.
"Look, Severus," said Scabior, a wide grin on his young, handsome face. "I taught the Sorting 'At a new trick." And with that he plunged the hat down on Severus' head before the younger wizard even knew what was happening.
The rip in the Sorting Hat that served as its mouth opened wide as the hat suddenly called out in a loud, ringing voice, "Virgin!"
Students in the Great Hall gasped when they heard the Sorting Hat publicly announce that Snape was a virgin. They then began to laugh.
Scabior grinned as he looked around at his classmates, watching as they beat on the tables and slid out of their seats as they roared with laughter.
"Dammit, Scabior!" Severus snarled, his sallow features blushing bright red as he yanked the hat off his head. "How dare you embarrass me in front of Lily?"
"Like she doesn't already know," Scabior said mildly.
Severus looked across the table at Lucius, who was doubled over in his seat laughing. Furious, Severus stood up in his seat, leaned over the table, and roughly shoved the hat down on Lucius' head, tugging it down past the blond aristocrat's eyes.
"Second base!" the Sorting Hat cried.
Narcissa quickly stood up and stormed out of the Great Hall, her eyes blazing with anger and betrayal.
"Ooh, wha an interesting development this is," said Scabior, watching as Lucius lifted the hat just in time to see Narcissa stomp out. "Aven't been truthful with tha one, now 'ave you, Lucius?"
Now Lucius was getting pissed, his blood boiling as he glared at Scabior. This wasn't funny anymore, not when it effected his relationship with Narcissa.
"So, you think this is amusing, don't you, Scabior?" Lucius sneered. "Well, I wonder what would happen if we put the Sorting Hat on you."
Scabior's eyes widened as he backed away from the table. "Oh no, you can't put tha thing on me!"
"And why not?" Severus snapped. "Afraid of what the hat might tell everyone?"
Scabior turned and ran just as Lucius launched himself over the table and dove at Scabior.
"Get him!" Lucius shouted, tumbling over the low bench in front of the table and falling to the floor, his target now racing off at top speed down the hall. "Get him, Severus!"
Severus shot off like an arrow in the dark, grabbing the Sorting Hat and chasing after Scabior. And even though this was years before Scabior became a Snatcher, he could still run like the wind, faster and more nimble than anyone in the school. The only problem was that he wasn't expecting Sirius Black to stick his leg out and cause him to trip, landing flat on his belly on the cold, stone floor.
"Go on then, Snape!" Sirius laughed. "Put it on him! Let's see what happens when he wears it."
A brief struggle ensued as Scabior and Severus wrestled and fought each other on the floor. Finally, Severus managed to put the Sorting Hat on Scabior's red streaked head.
Everyone in the Great Hall became silent as they turned to focus their attention on Scabior.
The Sorting Hat was quiet. Some of the students held their breath, leaning forward in their seats to get a better look at the tattered and patched old hat perched atop Scabior's head.
Then, the hat began to vibrate. Thin white whisps of smoke began to waft out from underneath the brim of the hat. The vibration grew stronger, until the hat shuddered violently and opened its mouth, letting out a tremendous scream not unlike that of a Howler as it rocketed off Scabior's head and blasted off into the air.
The Sorting Hat continued to shriek as it whizzed about the hall like a rapidly deflating balloon, with multicolored flames and sparks erupting out its backside as it screeched and flew towards the ceiling.
Students watched as the hat spun and cartwheeled in the air, bouncing off walls and repeatedly slamming into the ceiling. Any minute now they expected the poor hat to explode like fireworks in the sky.
"Bloody hell!" Lucius exclaimed, staring up in awe at the screaming, spinning hat. "What did you do to it, Scabior?"
"I told you not to put it on me!" Scabior shot back angrily. "It was too much for it to 'andle an caused it to overload."
"Too much?" Lucius gaped at Scabior. "Too much what?"
"Well..." Scabior said nothing else on the subject. He merely grinned as the Sorting Hat continued bellowing, rolling and tumbling in the air.