Hair Obsession
Written for alyssialui.
And written for Lamia of the Dark's Return of the Daily Weird Prompt Thing
Prompt - have alyssialui tell you what to write
Lucius was obsessed with his hair, far more than normal men were. He washed it three times a day, morning, noon and night. He then had his house elf brush it for him. And when the elf was done, he had to count every single hair on Lucius' head. Twice.
Lucius made his house elf do this because he had a fear of going bald. It was all he ever thought about. Everything he did was always about his long, luxurious locks. And the billions of galleons he'd inherited barely covered the cost of all the hair care products he bought every week.
It reached the point where Lucius' obsession with his hair was starting to ruin his marriage. Sometimes Narcissa wondered if he loved his hair more than he loved her. And one day she got her answer.
Narcissa was out in the garden watering her flowers when her husband came running up to her. He had a frantic look in his eyes and a hairbrush in his hand.
"Look at this, Narcissa!" he said, waving the hairbrush under her nose. "Look! Look at it! Do you see what is wrong?"
Narcissa backed away as her husband shoved his hairbrush in her face. She looked at the brush, which was covered in Lucius' silvery blond hair. But for the life of her she couldn't see what was wrong.
"Don't you see, Narcissa?" Lucius persisted. "There are far too many hairs in my brush this morning. This isn't the normal amount I usually have in my brush."
"How can you tell?" Narcissa asked.
"I can tell just by looking at it. I am going bald, I tell you!" her distressed husband wailed. "I'm going to prematurely lose all of my hair and become a horrible, hideous monster. No one will want to look at me. I'll be fired from my job at the Ministry, and be forced to work as assistant game keeper to that overgrown monstrosity Dumbledore hired!"
Narcissa sighed and rolled her eyes. She was growing tired of listening to her husband's paranoid ramblings about going bald.
"Lucius, listen to me," she said in her most calm, reassuring tone, trying to soothe her husband's anxiety. "You are not going bald. Everything is going to be fine. Why, it doesn't even look like there are that many hairs in your brush to me."
"Surely you're joking," said Lucius. "I had Dobby count the number of hairs in my brush - "
"You made Dobby count them?!" Narcissa exclaimed, interrupting her husband.
"Yes," Lucius continued. "And he found two more hairs than he usually does. Two more hairs! If that doesn't mean I'm going bald then I don't know what does."
By now Narcissa had had it with her husband. She glanced to the side and spied a nearby rose bush in her garden, and it gave her an idea. She waved her wand, and seconds later a colorful variety of flowers sprouted from Lucius' head.
"There," she said. "Now you have more to worry about than going bald, such as trying to pass the beehive in the garden without getting stung. And best of all you won't need to spend all your money on shampoo anymore. Just go out to the fields and have a dragon shit on you for fertilizer!"