Incident At the Yule Ball

A/N: this is another crackfic brought to you by Cleverbot.

Severus' dialogue was created from the responses I received from Cleverbot.
Dumbledore, Ron, Harry, Luna and Hermione's dialogue was created from things I said to the Cleverbot.

The Christmas season had come to Hogwarts. Snow was falling on the grounds, blanketing the many towers and outdoor paths in a layer of powdery white. The Yule Ball was in full swing, and the teachers and students were enjoying the holiday festivities. One teacher in particular was enjoying himself a bit too much, and that person was none other than Severus Snape.

"Is everyone enjoying the Yule Ball?" Dumbledore asked. He then heard a loud belch beside him. He turned his head in the direction of the noise, and saw Professor Snape sitting with a half empty glass of firewhiskey in his hand.

Severus giggled and looked around. "Did I do that?"

"Ah Severus, there you are," Dumbledore said with a cheerful grin. "You seem to be enjoying yourself."

"Yeah, why?" Severus sneered. Unfortunately, he had the habit of getting mean when he was drunk.

"Well, judging by the amount of firewhiskey you've had, I'd say it's impossible for you to not have a good time."

"So...you're a girl?" Severus asked, a simpering smile spreading across his sallow features. He tried to stand and nearly slid right out of his seat, spilling a portion of his drink down the front of his shirt as he gripped the arm of the chair to maintain his balance.

Dumbledore watched as Severus tried once more to stand. "Careful not to spill your drink, my boy," he said, watching as the Potions Master placed his drink on the table before finally managing

Severus then turned around and said, "Write me a poem about a house!"

Dumbledore chuckled. "Oh my, you are really enjoying yourself, aren't you?"

"No. Not at all." The intoxicated Potions Master staggered sideways, tripped over his own feet, and fell on his arse, right in front of the teachers and students.

Dumbledore watched as Severus conjured a mirror and gazed at his reflection. "Do you like what you see, Severus?" he asked.

"To be honest, you could use some tweaking," Severus muttered, tapping the mirror and looking rather disgusted by the sight of his own reflection.

Dumbledore bent down and took hold of the professor's arm, trying to hoist him up onto his feet. "Come on now, up you get," he said, helping the drunk Potions Master to his feet.

"Get what?" Severus asked, looking rather dazed and confused.

"Perhaps you ought to sit down a bit."

"Do you know what I am thinking?" Severus asked, a mad glint in his eyes as he gazed at the old man. He then ripped his clothes off and tossed them into the Goblet of Fire.

"Severus, get back here!" Dumbledore shouted as he watched the naked professor tear off through the Great Hall.

"No!" Severus yelled as he ran. "You do not satisfy me anymore!"

Several people gasped in shock, heads quickly turned, and McGonagall fainted at the sight of her former student sprinting naked down the hall.

Hermione watched as Severus ran past. "Professor, what're you doing?!" she cried.

"I have to leave!" Severus answered, running for the door. But then he stopped. He looked down and saw Luna Lovegood gazing up at him with her usual calm, serene expression plastered on her face.

Luna wasn't bothered by the fact that Professor Snape was standing there in his birthday suit, looking down at her with a simpering smile on his face. "It's a cold night outside, professor," she said, her casual tone making it sound as though she were discussing arrangements for Sunday brunch.

Severus seemed puzzled by this unusual statement. "Why did you say night?" he queried, raising an eyebrow and swaying slightly.

"Because it's night time," Luna replied calmly.

"Why is it night time already?"

"Because it's daylight savings time, I suppose."

"I like the dark..."

"Bloody hell!" Ron suddenly screamed. "Harry, look! Snape's completely naked!"

Harry took one look at his nude potions teacher and immediately threw up. Unfortunately, Hermione was standing next to him when he got sick, and the remnants of Harry's dinner end up splashed down the front of her lovely pink dress.