Chocoballs & Chocolate Wands

Written for the Fortnightly Prompt challenge/competition
Prompt - include at least three kinds of wizarding sweets in your story

A/N: once again I'm poking fun at myself with this chapter. Anyone who knows me well enough will know what I mean. And thanks to the Fae King for giving me the inspiration to write this, and to Sumatranfox for not thinking I'm weird.

It didn't matter what the conversation was about, Scabior could always turn it into something dirty. He could take anything, even the most innocent and unassuming objects, and turn them into something obscene. That was one of the reasons why Violet loved him, because she could be just as perverse as he was if given the opportunity.

One morning, Scabior was sitting at his desk reading a book. He was fascinated with the history of ancient Egypt and the witches and wizards that lived there. It was ever since he'd made friends with the animagus known as Sanderson Azandi, who was a direct descendant of Dogon Azandi, the founder of the Temple of Animagi in Egypt known as Dogon Anima Divus.

While he was reading, Violet came over and placed a bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans on the desk beside him. "Here you go, Scabior. A little something for you to snack on while you read."

"Thank you, sweet'eart," said Scabior, accepting the bag and opening it. He looked at the contents of the bag and grinned. As usual, Violet had picked out the beans he didn't like, leaving him with a bag full of strawberry, chocolate, and blueberry flavored beans.

Violet sat down on the bed beside the desk, watching as he ate and read. He was interested in studying and learning all he could about the history of the witches and wizards of ancient Egypt, and was, at the moment, too engrossed in his studies to pay much attention to anything else.

"You know what, Scabior?" said Violet, now attempting to make conversation with the Snatcher. "It's been a while since you last invited Sanderson over for a visit. Why not send him a message and ask him to come over this evening?"

"'E can come over whenever 'e wants," said Scabior, stuffing another handful of strawberry flavored beans in his mouth while gazing down at the book on his desk. "'E knows tha. As long as 'e wipes 'is feet before coming in, 'e's welcome to come over whenever 'e wants."

"I can just see him going over to Dylan's house, with Dylan telling him to wipe the mud off his feet before entering," said Violet. "If he'd come over here a few months ago when you were still drinking heavily, it would have been fox puke he had all over his shoes."

Scabior rolled his eyes. His last name was Fox, and Violet sometimes called him by his last name, using it as a type of affectionate pet name.

Violet reached into the bag on the desk, pulled out a handful of beans and started munching on them. "You know what you ought to do?" she said thoughtfully. "You ought to buy a bag of these and take out all the ones that aren't vomit flavored. Then I'd have a bag full of puke flavored beans. And, you know what else? They ought to make a puke flavored bean in honor of you, Scabior. Fox puke flavor!"

"Oh really?" Scabior grinned and shook his head, chuckling as he gave her a look of mingled amusement and disgust.

"Of course," Violet chirped pleasantly. "I'm a puke connoisseur. I bet it's like fine wine. You could give me a bag full of vomit flavored beans, and I'd be able to distinguish each unique flavor and texture, and tell you what the person ate beforehand."

"And wha would the fox puke flavor taste like?"

"Firewhiskey!" Violet answered without thinking, laughing as she bent over double on the bed. "Fox puke, it's made with all natural ingredients."

"All natural?" Now Scabior looked confused.

"Sure. We just feed you a salad! All natural, fresh, home grown ingredients."

"Tha would be a 'orrible joke to play on someone, giving them a bag of vomit flavored beans," said Scabior, now setting his book aside and giving her his full attention.

"Remember the time I tricked you into thinking I was pregnant by eating a whole bunch of peppermint toads, then had you put your hand on my stomach and told you that the movement you felt was the baby kick?"

Scabior frowned, all sign of mirth leaving his greyish-blue eyes. "Yes, pet," he said dryly. "I remember tha."

"I think you pulled a better joke on Greyback, though," said Violet, reaching for the bag on the table and taking out a few chocolate flavored beans. "My favorite was the time you snuck up on him while he was asleep and stuffed one of those exploding bonbons down the back of his trousers. It went off while he was asleep and looked like he shit himself."

Scabior grinned, laughter returning to his face as he remembered Greyback waking up with the nasty stain on the seat of his pants. The unfortunate werewolf didn't even realize what had happened until Silis pointed it out to him.

"Yes, I've pulled off some rather amusing stunts in the past," said Scabior, a sly smirk now spreading across his face. "But if you want to see something really impressive, you ought to see wha I can do with my chocoballs and chocolate wand. An let me tell you, sweet'eart, just one taste of my chocolate wand will 'ave you begging me for more."

"I know," said Violet, walking towards him and taking a seat on his lap, her arms around him and her legs around his waist as she gave him a seductive smile. "Why don't you take a break from all that studying, Scabior? I'm sure Sanderson won't mind if we put your education on hold for a few hours."

Scabior slid the books off the desk and into a drawer. He'd get back to studying later.