Censored
Written for The Daily Weird Prompt Thing - Halloween Special
Prompt - "To shreds, you say."
Bellatrix wasn't the nicest person in the world, and she was even worse on days when she was feeling randy and had no way of satisfying her needs. But it would be a cold day in August when she went to Rodolphus and asked him to make love to her. She'd rather admire the Dark Lord from afar than crawl in bed with her husband.
She refused to have a one night stand with a random stranger. She was a pureblood and didn't believe in that sort of thing. It was beneath her, something only low lives and muggles did. Therefore the only option was to collect dirty magazines, and then hide them from the rest of her family because no self-respecting Black would be caught dead looking at pornographic pictures.
For a while she managed to keep her dirty literature a secret. But then one day tragedy struck, leaving her magazines in shreds on the bedroom floor. She was so upset at seeing her precious magazines torn to pieces that she ran to Narcissa to tell her what had happened.
Narcissa was sitting in the den sipping a cup of tea and reading a book when her sister came barging in, interrupting the nice, quiet afternoon she was having. Narcissa was used to this by now since she had grown up listening to her sister's random outbursts. And so she continued sipping her tea and reading like nothing was wrong.
"My magazines have been torn to shreds, Cissy!" Bellatrix exclaimed, waving one of the butchered books under her sister's nose.
"To shreds, you say," said Narcissa, calmly turning the page of her book and taking another sip of tea.
"But they weren't just torn to shreds. Someone's been censoring my Lewd Dude magazines. Which means that somewhere in this house there's a pile of crotches."
Narcissa spit out a mouthful of tea and gasped. "A pile of what?!"
.oOo.
Meanwhile, a very content house elf was bedding down in a pile of tattered rags, making himself comfortable as he prepared to retire for the evening.
Dobby had taken it upon himself to rid the house of anything he deemed inappropriate. And when he found her stash of dirty magazines while cleaning her room, he decided to do something about it right away.
"How terrible," Dobby muttered as he clipped the private parts out of her magazines. "Dobby was asked to clean. So Dobby must rid the house of filth."