Dirty Birdie
Written for the Rebirth of the Daily Weird Prompt Thing
Prompt - flamingo
A/N: special thanks to AprilLittle for giving me the inspiration I needed to write this.
No one knew where the flamingo came from, or why it had decided to take up residence at Malfoy Manor. The only thing anyone knew for sure was that it was driving Narcissa mad. She couldn't walk outside without the pink flamingo dive bombing her head, swooping down and pecking at her face and shoulders. It chased her around the yard, nipping at her ankles, tugging on her dress and almost yanking her into the fountain in the front yard. But that wasn't the worst of it. The annoying bird also had a habit of mooning people.
At first she thought she was seeing things. Surely she hadn't just seen a flamingo with its butt pressed against the living room window. But when Narcissa turned around and glanced over her shoulder, there was the flamingo, standing with its backside against the window.
"How rude!" Narcissa huffed. "Lucius," she said, pointing at the flamingo. "Do you see that? What is wrong with that horrid bird?"
Was it her imagination, or did she see the faintest hint of a smile forming on her husband's lips?
Lucius chuckled, grinning as he looked at the pink flamingo. "I don't know, dear. But I'll see to it that the bird is removed from the property at once."
The blond aristocrat opened the front door and walked outside. He didn't know what his wife's problem was. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the bird only mooned her, and had done so several times since it arrived a week ago. He wasn't bothered by the bird's rude display, but Narcissa was fed up with looking at flamingo butt every morning when she woke up.
He tried shooing the bird away from the window, but the flamingo turned its back to him, ruffling its tail feathers and shaking its rump in his face. It fanned its wings out at its sides, clicking its beak and dancing on the tips of its toes with its butt in the air.
"Alright, that's quite enough of that. Now will you please leave before my wife sees you tap dancing on the front lawn?"
The flamingo kept on dancing, brushing its tail feathers against his groin while nipping at his pants leg. This was too much, and Lucius swatted the bird on its backside and told it to leave. This made the flamingo angry, and it turned on him, squawking and flapping its wings.
Furious that he had turned down her advances, the flamingo charged at him, snapping its beak and chasing him through the yard. When Narcissa heard Lucius scream she ran outside to see what was wrong, and found her husband backed up against the water fountain. The flamingo flew at him, lunging at his chest and knocking him backwards into the fountain. There was a loud splash as the wizard hit the water, and when he looked up he saw a plump witch straddling him, her pink bow askew on her head and her hair dripping water into her face.
"Dolores!" Narcissa screeched. "What are you doing? Get off my husband! Get off!"
Narcissa drew her wand, firing a curse at Umbridge as the witch changed back into her animagus form and took to the skies, flying over the neatly manicured hedges and off into the woods.
When Umbridge discovered that Lucius was a peacock animagus, she decided to try inviting him over to her love nest. But no matter how many times she tried to win Lucius' affection, he kept rejecting her. And now that Narcissa was aware of her animagus form, there would be little chance of her getting close to Lucius again.