Crossover House Party
Written for The Weird Prompt Thing:Revelations
Prompt: internet memes
A/N: I was going to post this in the crossover section, but since FFN only allows you to merge up to two fandoms, and this story contains charcters from multiple fandoms, I decided to just post it here instead.
After the success of Lucius' first house party, people and assorted creatures from across the world started flocking to Malfoy manor. They all wanted to take part in one of his legendary parties. And so, when enough of them had gathered on his front lawn, Lucius decided to let them in and throw the most epic party the Wizarding World had ever seen.
It didn't take long before the combination of otherworldly creatures and massive amounts of alcohol turned Lucius' house into a disaster area. It was the kind of mess that would take a team of house elves weeks to clean up. And did Lucius care that his manor had been thrashed to a pulp? Hell no! He was gassed to the gills and barely able to remember his own name.
It began in the kitchen when Bellatrix got into a food fight with Weegee. Lotsa spaghetti hung from the chandelier, meatballs had been stepped on and ground into the floor, and every inch of the kitchen was covered in pasta sauce, including the walls and ceiling. The battle grew more intense when Bellatrix whipped out her wand and began firing hexes at him. But Weegee was quick, dodging her spells while simultaneously firing laser beams from his eyes.
One the hexes ricocheted off the cupboard, blasting the door off its hinges in an explosion of red sparks. Weegee laughed, and unleashed a barrage of lasers at the ground near her feet, making her hip, skip and dance as the floor erupted in flames.
Bellatrix leapt out of the way, hit the floor and rolled across the kitchen. Weegee was closing in on her, about to go in for the kill when the mad witch lifted the front of her dress and Shoop Da Whoop sprang forth from her underwear.
"I'M A FIRIN' MAH LAZER! BLLAAAARRRGGH!"
And with that Weegee was obliterated by the awesome power lurking in Bella's undies.
While Bellatrix was celebrating her victory over Weegee, David Hasselhoff was sprawled out on the living room floor, eating hamburgers off the carpet while Justin Bieber's monkey swung from the curtains and flung poo everywhere.
"Look at this mess!" Sally exclaimed. "There is so much hamburger all over the floor."
"Chill out, Sally girl," said Sonic. He collapsed on the floor with a beer in one hand and a chili dog in the other. He took a swig of beer, the brown liquid dribbling down his chest and into his quills. "It's all good, Sal. We're havin' a picnic. Wanna join us?"
It wasn't long until the floor was so covered in hamburger and chili that you could barely see the carpet underneath all the food.
Meanwhile, Greyback and Jacob Black were in the middle of a race down one of the corridors in Malfoy manor. They had changed into their werewolf forms and were doing what dogs typically do best - drag their butts on the floor. Only this time they decided to make a race out of it and see who could reach the end of the corridor first.
Everything was going fine until an enchanted cat that had been transfigured into a pop tart came running down the stairs. The cat was trailing rainbows in its wake as it scurried across the floor, and was singing a song that sounded strangely like "nyannyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya."
The werewolves took one look at the fuzzy little singing pop tart and chased it out into the yard, where a stoned Draco Malfoy was riding around on a segway he'd stolen from Hermione Granger the last time they were in the muggle world.
"Oh my god... I can't believe how fast I'm going," said Draco as he whizzed around at a top speed of two miles per hour. A passing snail actually stopped to point at him and laugh before continuing on its way.
Along came a frog on a unicycle, who waved his hands in the air and hollered, "Here come dat boi!"
Draco was startled and almost toppled off his segway. "O shit whaddup?" he said, leaning forward and waving at the passing frog.
.oOo.
While everyone was busy throwing the party of the century at Malfoy manor, Dr. Robotnik was busy working on his latest evil scheme.
"I've got twenty four hours to get rid of this bozo," said Robotnik, pointing to a poster of Edward Cullen. "The entire scheme I've been working on for eighteen years goes up in smoke and you...are wearing...HIS MERCHANDISE!"
He turned to Snively, who was wearing a "Support Team Edward" T-shirt.
"B-but sir, I c-can explain!" stammered Snively, who nearly wet himself from fright.
"Hey, could you keep it down in there?" Crabmeat called out from the living room. "I'm trying to watch a movie."
Robotnik and Snively looked to see Crabmeat sitting on the couch watching Twilight on Robotnik's big screen tv. It was at that moment that Robotnik finally reached his limit. His blood pressure soared, and as he let out a scream heard coast to coast he spontaneously combusted, bursting into flames then exploding into millions of tiny pieces.