Dirty Birdie 2
Written For Caesar's Palace Shipping Week
Day 1: flamingo
Pairing: Lucius/Narcissa
It was the perfect setting for a romantic getaway, with sunlight shimmering on the surface of the water, the sand warm beneath her feet at Narcissa moved to sit beside her husband.
"Honey, look," said Narcissa, pointing towards a flamingo that was standing on one leg in the shade. "Someone brought one of those pretty, pink flamingos to decorate their space on the beach. It's adorable, isn't it, Lucius?"
The blond aristocrat tilted his chin towards his chest, looking over the top of his sunglasses at the flamingo. The bird shifted slightly, switched to standing on its other foot, lifted its tail and pooped.
It wasn't unusual to see inanimate objects move in the wizarding world. But to see one take a dump in the sand, well, that was quite unusual indeed. Perhaps someone had too much time on their hands and decided to create a defecating lawn ornament. 'Seems like the sort of thing Xenophilous Lovegood would do in his spare time,' thought Lucius, and he quickly scanned the beach for any sign of The Quibbler's publisher.
"Hmm, yes," Lucius muttered, his attention turning towards the book in his hands. "It's lovely, dear."
Narcissa sighed in contentment, leaned back and turned her gaze towards the sky. "Seeing that brings back memories, Lucius," she said, a smile blossoming on her face. "I haven't seen one of those since the day we were married. I remember Bellatrix was having a moment and decided it would be a good idea to give us lawn ornaments as a wedding present. Which would have been fine if she hadn't charmed it to sing It's Raining Men at all hours of the night." She placed her hand on Lucius' shoulder. "Do you feel like going for a walk on the beach? Maybe we could find a nice, secluded spot and watch the sunset together."
Lucius raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging on the corners of his lips as he noticed her sultry tone of voice. Perhaps she had something in mind, something more than watching the sunset after they found a suitable place to be alone. Either way it was enough to lure him away from his book, his fingers curling around hers as they walked along the water's edge.
The flamingo watched them leave, its eyes narrowing as it glared at Narcissa. The bird lowered its head, hissing and spreading its wings, then charged down the beach and snatched Lucius by the back of his shorts.
The bird tugged on his shorts, pulling them down and exposing his backside in front of everyone on the beach. When Narcissa saw what it was doing, she removed her sun hat and started swatting the flamingo. But the flamingo was persistent, its eyes wide as it enjoyed the view from behind.
"Dolores! I swear if that's you I'll curse you into a thousand pieces!" Narcissa screeched, punctuating each word with a blow from her sun hat.
The flamingo laughed, finally letting go and falling over backwards. Narcissa watched as it morphed into a plump witch who was wearing a pink bathing suit, and realized at once that it was in fact Dolores Umbridge.
Furious that Umbridge had taken a peek at her husband's backside, Narcissa chased the perverse animagus down the beach, screaming and firing hexes at hee. But Umbridge didn't seem to mind.
The last words she spoke before a stunning spell struck her in the back was, "Totally worth it." She then fell face first into the sand, lying there, unconscious, with a wide grin on her face.