The Path To Enlightenment

Written for the Death Eater of the Month challenge.
Prompt: Travers

A/N: Thank you Alecto for giving me the inspiration needed to write this.

Amycus and Travers had been friends since childhood. They fought together during the first wizarding war, and after surviving the second war decided they needed some down time to relax and recover from their injuries.

Bellatrix tried offering her meditation sessions as a way to help them unwind, but Amycus stated that he'd rather lick things, claiming that it was quite therapeutic. Travers, on the other hand, wasn't the sort who took pleasure in meditation. And after witnessing so much carnage and mayhem during the war, the only thing he wanted was a good stiff drink to help him forgot what he'd seen.

He started visiting Amycus on a regular basis, usually once a week on Saturdays for a drink and some casual conversation. He soon discovered that Amycus didn't drink much. Usually the man with the giant tongue poured a small portion of wine into a bowl and lapped it up throughout the evening. This was quite a sight, seeing as how the bowl was on the table to his right, his caterpillar tongue draped luxuriously over the arm of the couch where it grazed the surface of the rich brown liquid.

Travers poured himself a glass of firewhiskey and ignored the massive tongue. Amycus nodded and replied every now and then while Travers did most of the talking.

After a while the single glass of firewhiskey turned into two or three, with Travers gradually increasing the amount of alcohol he consumed each visit. It didn't seem to have the calming effect he'd hoped for. Not when he was only having a glass or two during the course of the evening. Small glasses, too. The glasses were far too small, Travers thought, and he hurled the glass out the window where it joined Alecto's collection of discarded pants that had accumulated on the front lawn.

Amycus blinked and stared at him, watching as Travers stumbled into the kitchen and returned with a glass big enough to suit your average half-giant.

"Now this is more like it," Travers slurred, glass in hand with the bottle tucked under his arm. He plopped down into the armchair and grinned. "Now where were we?"

"Oh!" Amycus resumed lapping at the alcohol in his bowl. "As I was saying, these pygmy puffs were a wedding present from a close friend of ours. This is Phantom, and he's a fine specimen of a puff, wouldn't you say?"

Travers nodded and sloshed a bit of booze down his front. He'd already given up on the glass and had started drinking straight from the bottle.

"Where's the other one?" he slurred, pointing towards the black pygmy puff that was situated in Amycus' lap. "You said there were two. I wanna see the rest."

"Well, actually these aren't the only puffs currently residing in our home. There's also my sister's puff, Fiona. I might be able to borrow her for a moment, if you'd like me to bring her to you?"

"Uhh yeah." Travers hiccupped and nodded. "The more the merrier!"

Amycus stood up and existed the room, returning a short while later with both Fiona and Maisie's pygmy puff. Travers, delighted by the appearance of these cuddly little creatures, slid out of his chair and onto the floor, one hand gripping the bottle while the other motioned for the puffs to come closer.

"So cyuute!" he squealed, sounding very much like an inebriated school girl. "Youse like likkle uncle Taffy, yeah?"

The black puff shuddered, his mane rippling in disgust. The other puffs, however, thought nothing of getting closer and examining the drunken Death Eater.

Fiona puffed up her shiny fur, her little paws skittering across the floor as she ran at Travers, squeaking and launching herself into his arms. Maisie's puff approached more cautiously, sniffing a wet spot on his pants where he'd spilled a portion of his drink in his lap. A long, pink tongue slithered past her lips, and she began licking the wet spot.

Travers snorted and burst out laughing. "Narcissa, you saucy tart!" he said, batting at the creature's tongue. "Whachoo doin' down there, ay?" He then toppled over onto his back, Fiona climbing onto his chest where she proceeded to slather his face in a generous portion of saliva.

Phantom watched as Maisie's pygmy puff cooed and crawled inside of Travers' pants, causing renewed fits of laugher as her claws tickled his thighs. The black puff started as Travers rolled over onto his side, then quickly turned and hightailed it behind the armchair. He was just peeking out from behind the furniture when a pair of pants went sailing through the air, smacking the puff square in the face.

Amycus couldn't help but laugh. He knelt down and lifted the pair of pants off his precious pet, revealing a slightly shell shocked magical creature. "Oh, come now, it's not as though you haven't witnessed this sort of behavior before." He looked back and saw Travers in his underwear, licking the shiny pygmy puff. "I do believe you've witnessed that before as well."

"Amycus!" Travers whined, holding Fiona at arm's length. "Pygmy puffs don't taste good. And I have hair on my tongue."

"Not a problem, my good friend," Amycus replied cheerfully. "I know just the thing that will ease the passage of fur while adding flavor to these little critters." He then turned and headed for the kitchen just as Delphini's pygmy puff came tumbling down the stairs.

.oOo.

Delphini's jaw dropped when she entered the living room, her shopping bag hitting the floor and spilling an assortment of pygmy puff clothing on the rug.

There in the middle of the room was Travers, surrounded by puffs whose fur was matted with thick globs of mayonnaise. He still had nothing on but his underwear, his legs crossed, chanting "Oooommmm" while a chorus of puffs hummed and purred on either side of him.

"Greetings, young Delphi," said Amycus, raising a glass of wine and dipping his tongue in it for a taste. "Care to join us for a puff meditation session?"

"Tis the path to enlightenment, you know," said Travers. "Surely a lady of your superior intellect must realize the spiritual greatness of the puff."

Amycus held up his hands, chuckling. "I had nothing to do with this, miss Delphi. I simply provided the beverages and condiments and he did all the rest."

"Oh my Dark Lord!" Delphini exclaimed when she finally found her voice. "Do you have any idea how long it's going to take to clean the mayonnaise out of her fur? And after I just took her to be groomed and stuff."

She stormed into the room, snatching the vibrating puff off the floor. "And you're wrong. Turtle meditation is much better than puff meditation!" she shouted, seizing her bag and slamming the door behind her.