How To Catch A Dumbledore
Written for The Great 2021 Prompt Compendium
Prompt 41: write a crackfic based on some random idea you had in the middle of the night.
A/N: I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. I had to do this.
SPOILER WARNING: This chapter has been updated and now contains spoilers for Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore.
Abernathy and Vinda Rosier hid behind a building in downtown Berlin, waiting patiently while Credence threaded some fishing line through a hook. A pair of socks dangled from the Obscurial's pocket, socks that had been rubbed against Grindelwald's face and chest, perfuming them with his scent.
"I don't understand. Why are we using socks?" Rosier asked, wrinkling her nose in disgust. It seemed like such an unsanitary decision, carrying around dirty socks and attempting to use them as bait.
Credence speared one of the socks with a fishing hook, his eyes narrowing in concentration as he pierced the other sock. "If we're going to lure my brother out of hiding, then this is how we'll do it." The Obscurial looked at her and grinned, dangling the pair of socks in front of Rosier's face. "Trust me on this. I'm a Dumbledore too. I know what we like."
"I thought you said we were going to use lemon drops," said Abernathy, sounding thoroughly perplexed by the situation.
Rosier frowned. "Ve vere going to use ze lemon drops, but a certain someone ate zem."
Credence put a hand over his mouth, stifling a lemon-flavored belch. "Sorry," he muttered, avoiding her gaze. "Excuse me, pardon me."
The Obscurial launched the socks into the air, letting them soar across the street and onto the adjacent sidewalk. They didn't have long to wait before Albus picked up the scent of socks, his mouth watering when he detected a hint of Grindelwald.
"Could it be...?" Albus said, his nostrils flaring with excitement.
He took another whiff, then lifted a hand and wiped the saliva off his chin. When he noticed the socks lying in the middle of the sidewalk, Albus Dumbledore practically dove on top of them, only to have them torn from his grasp when his nephew reeled in his fishing line.
"Yes!" Credence exclaimed, pulling back sharply, then letting the line go slack. He didn't want to pull him in too quickly. He waited until Albus lunged at the socks again, then quickly pulled back on the line. This pattern continued until he had his uncle running full speed across the street, chasing after the wayward socks.
Panting and snarling like a rabid dog, Albus ran through a narrow alley, turning the corner and nearly colliding with his nephew.
Credence started slightly but managed to stand his ground. He could feel the shadows seeping from his pores, stretching and forming into luminous bands, alight with the flames of his Obscurus.
Albus hesitated slightly before backing away from his nephew. His eyes were wide, shining with disbelief. It had been several years since he faced the wrath of an Obscurial. And now, after coming face to face with one as old as Credence, he couldn't help staring at him in wonder, not knowing how his nephew managed to survive for so long.
He watched, waiting for Credence to make a move. Then, all at once Credence opened his mouth and proceeded to vomit down the front of Albus' shirt, splattering his shoes with a slurry of sugary sweets.
The Obscurial gasped and doubled over, moaning and retching as he continued to heave his guts out on the pavement. His uncle, although thoroughly disgusted by this sudden surge of vomit, wasn't the least bit surprised by his actions. It was all part of being an Obscurial, especially for those who managed to reach such an advanced age.
Albus sighed heavily, then looked down at his feet and saw that his favorite socks had been drenched in vomit.
"What?!" Albus hiked up his trousers, seeing flecks of partially digested lemon drops clinging to the fabric. His expression changed immediately, a look of outrage burning in his sapphire blue eyes.
His hand shot out, grasping Credence by the collar of his shirt. "How dare you sully the socks of a fellow Dumbledore with your filth?!" he shouted, threatening to strangle the young wizard. "You're just like my sister. I didn't put up with it from her and I'm not going to tolerate it from you either. Now, I demand that you give me the socks from your feet!"
"No!" Credence hissed through his teeth, his jaw clenched. A sudden surge of raw, uncontrollable energy pulsed through his veins, sending Albus flying into the street.
It would be a cold day in Hell when Credence gave up his precious socks. Not even a member of his own family had permission to wear his most treasured article of clothing.