Lights was still rather shamefaced when he left, although he cheered up considerably when I told him I wanted to hear every word of Sylvie's reaction to the earrings. He assured me he would write, and that he had no doubt he'd be sent to London to put everything into a bank vault. I had laughed, and then told him that I would have to send over even more jewelry in order to make sure that they had a proper hoard in there.

Will had hugged him close, whispering something to him that had made Lights a bit teary eyed as he pulled away. He had brushed at his face, "I'll make sure the boys write, they need to work on their penmanship."

"I would love that." I had reached over and patted his arm, "And you make sure they know that Uncle Will and Aunt Anna send their love." Lights had assured us that he would, before heading into the White Star offices. We hadn't discussed what Lights had said since that night, but Will had been quiet for several days before I cornered him in the library. "Is something wrong?"

He sighed, "No."

"Don't lie."

"Ana, it's nothing." He glanced away, although when I raised a brow he groaned. "It's only, I've been giving more thought to writing down what happened. I'm, I'm just not sure if I should include everything."

I knew what he meant, "Will, you don't have to."

"But I should lay out everything that happened." He collapsed into a chair, and I positioned myself in his lap. "I don't want to leave something out and someone finds it and accuses me of trying to cover something up."

I leaned my forehead against his, "Will, no one is going to see it. And," I winced, "You're unlikely to forget that part of the night. So I think it's alright to leave that out." He merely grunted in reply, but he did press his lips to mine. I sighed, curling my hands around his head to hold him there. This was probably the best that I was going to get, and I chuckled as Will deepened the kiss, his tongue snaking its way into my mouth.

But then he broke off, "Ana, you can't distract me like this."

"You're the one who kissed me." I chuckled, switching to kissing at his neck.

"I know, but you're entirely too tempting." His breath hitched as I nipped at his bottom lip. "Christ."

I leaned back, "I could leave."

"No, don't do that." His arms tightened around me, and he drew me back down. "Ana, you know, now I would never, ever have those thoughts again."

"I know, Will."

"And if I had known what my life would be like, I would never have thought it."

I brushed my fingers over his cheek. "Will, let it stay in the past. It's done."

"It is." He smiled into the kiss he pressed to my lips. "But I hardly am, shall we lock the door?"

I snorted, "The last time we locked the door to the library, you left me with a bruised hip. I'd much rather go back down to our soft bed." Will was happy enough to head back down to our bed, but I watched him closely the rest of the time he was home. He was quiet, and seemed to find quite a bit of time to spend alone each day. I spotted him back in the library one day, a notebook in front of him and a pen scribbling across it.

He was still rather distant when he left for the next crossing, and I held him close to me for longer than usual when sending him off. He at least gave me a smile, and a kiss, before he headed out. But when I watching him from the window he looked down, his step far less lively than it usually was. I knew what he was thinking about, I had no doubt he was writing down what had happened in that notebook.

The carriage had barely left the yard before I found Peggy, cornering her in a sitting room. "Can you pack me a trunk? A couple weeks of clothes, and I'll need you to send someone down to buy tickets for Southampton. I don't care if it's Cunard or White Star, I just need to get there quickly. Preferably a departure tomorrow."

She pursed her lips, "Chasing after Mr. Murdoch, ma'am?"

"Yes," I sniffed, "I want to surprise him."

"Your mother is going to have a fit."

"I can explain it to her if I need to." I drew myself up, "Peggy, I need to do this."

"Alright," She sighed, "But I want a letter for your mother, that way she doesn't fire me because of it." I nodded, darting upstairs to my desk and hastily scribbling out a letter.

Mother,

I understand that my leaving so quickly will come as quite a shock, but I need to go. After Charles's visit, for the anniversary, Will has been withdrawn. We had discussed writing down what happened during the sinking, and I feel that Will has become mired in it. So, I have decided to book passage and go to Southampton to see him and hopefully cheer him up. I'll wire you when I'm there, I'm hoping to arrive before him and surprise him.

Forgive your daughter, who loves her husband,
-Anastasia

The rest of the day I spend apologizing to Rigel, because there was no way to take him with me. Not if I was going to surprise Will, and especially not with the fact that I had to get up at the crack of dawn in order to get down to the ship and grease the palm of one of the stewards to have my trunk hauled up after all luggage was supposed to have been loaded the night before.

My cabin, what I could get on such short notice, felt small and lonely even though it was decent sized. It even had a soft bed, covered in plush blankets, but it was a lonely one. I found out on the first day that traveling alone was not fun in the slightest. Before I had been with my parents, and then with Will. There was always someone to talk to, or play a game with. On this crossing though, my dinner partners managed to have such a dull conversation that I almost fell asleep in my salmon and I was constantly accosted by male passengers while I was attempting to pass some time on deck. They apparently refused to consider that I was not looking for a shipboard affair, which mean that I kept to my cabin.

A week of barely leaving your room can make even the slightest disruption into an event.

I must have been the first one off the ship, badgering the stewards into ensuring that my trunk was unloaded quickly and secured to a taxi. I didn't like to be rude to them, they had so much to do, but I wanted off, I wanted Will. The taxi driver was at least kind enough to help me carry the trunk up to the door, although then I was left with a problem, one that I hadn't considered.

I didn't have a key to the house.

Leaving the trunk for a moment, I poked around the outside of the house. The garage was locked tight, a chain and lock around the main doors and the door to the workroom bolted. I tried the kitchen door around back, but had no luck. And when I checked around the front, there wasn't a spare key stashed anywhere. I pulled my hat low as I waited, wishing I had at least thought to have a copy of his key made. Eventually I heard the crunch of wheels, and looked up to see Kate pulling her bike up to the garage. I waved, "Kate, could you let me in?"

She started, "Mrs. Murdoch, what are you doing here?"

"I thought to surprise Will, but I forgot that I don't have a key." I shuffled away from the door as she opened it, and she grabbed one end of my trunk. Between the two of us we were able to maneuver it upstairs to the bedroom, and I sighed as I stretched. "You're getting a very big tip for that."

She chuckled, "Mr. Murdoch pays me well enough."

"Still." I shook my head, "Is he home?"

"He got in a few days ago, but said he'd be out most of the day today. Is there anything I can do?"

"Leave the door open, I'm going to buy some flowers and don't want to have to wait for you again."

She snorted, reaching into her pocket. "How about I leave the key with you then? Mr. Murdoch doesn't like leaving the doors unlocked, regardless of how long he's gone." I gratefully took the key, called another cab, and by the time I was back with some flowers Kate had gone again. She had left a few pieces of fruit though, and I devoured an apple for lunch. The flowers I placed on the dresser in Will's room, between the portraits of him with Ada and our wedding portrait. Keeping an eye on the clock, I bustled around the house, doing my best to set everything to rights.

It was while I was straightening up the office that I noticed Will had left his notebook on the desk. Glancing at the clock, and squashing down any thoughts of Will being angry that I read it, I settled into the chair. He had started half a dozen times, scratching one out before starting again, but the last attempt he had left.

When I took over the watch for that night, I called up to the lookouts to warn them to keep a sharp eye out for ice. I knew it was a dangerous night, what I would have given for a wind to stir the water around the base of any berg. I would have given anything to have been able to order the ship to slow as well, but one cannot gainsay the captain. He was only following company policy, but I was uneasy.

The first hour passed calmly, if rather cold, but it was almost to the second hour of my watch when I heard the lookouts strike three bells. I was straining to see what was in front of us, the night was black as pitch and even running with as little light as we could to save our night vision, there was nothing to see from the bridge. But then Moody sang out their warning, that there was an iceberg dead ahead.

I ran to the bridge, ordering the helm hard to starboard, intending for him to reverse the wheel to port once the bow cleared the berg to swing the stern around, and throwing the annunciators to reverse to try and slow us in case we impacted. I am unsure to this day if the engine room actually carried out that order. Despite the helm being hard over, we struck the berg along the starboard side.

The next hour passed in a blur, I know the captain and the rest of the officers were roused and informed. Mr. Andrews himself went to inspect the damage, and his diagnosis was grim. We would sink, it was an inevitability. I was given charge of the starboard lifeboats and told by the captain himself 'Women and children first'. I set my men to removing the tarps on the boats, and left the deck in the other officer's hands for a moment.

The captain had not mentioned telling stewards to inform passengers, but it needed to be done. I gave the word to any steward I found, and sent them to wake the others and tell them the same. But, I must confess, my goal was not only to speak to the stewards. I had a passenger that I had come to care for, deeply, and I wanted to be sure that she and her family were on one of the first boats.

I was rather forward with her, but her family took my words seriously and assured me that they would be up soon before I left. My first boat was only half full, despite begging people to board it. Many remarked that they felt safer on the sinking ship, even though that sounded foolish. Apparently they believed that the watertight compartments would keep the ship afloat, regardless of the fact that the ship was already dipping slightly.

I could not find my, oh damn it, the woman I love, Anastasia, despite how many times I went up and down the starboard side. I found her mother, alone, and saw her safely off. I comforted myself with the thought that she had boarded one of the port boats, that she would forget me and live a long and happy life. Things were deteriorating quickly, most of those left on my side were men and desperate men at that. Desperate for one of the few remaining spots in the collapsible boats we were pulling off the roof of the bridge.

I regret that I had to pull a weapon on them to allow my deckhands to see the boat down. I was trying to figure out how best to allow men onboard when I heard a woman cry out, and Anastasia marched forward with a line of women and children, like a mother duck leading her ducklings. I was furious with her for still being onboard, but grateful that I could see her safe. But the men surged forward as I was about to help her in, and the boat was already in the water.

I said some unkind things after that, but pulled her over to the port side and put her in a boat. I begged her to forget me, but she refused and made me promise to find her. I kept that promise in my heart when I returned to my own side and helped Moody shove the boat down from the roof. But the boat landed upside down, and the ship took a plunge. I was thrown off the roof, along with Moody, into the water.

Instinct was the only thing that saved me, having swam for many years of my life. Despite the pull of the ship I managed to break the surface and find the boat. I threw Moody, who had managed to break the surface, on top of the keel and pulled myself up after. We helped many men up out of the water, all of us freezing cold. Those that couldn't get on hung onto the sides.

When the funnel fell it washed us clear of the ship, and we almost lost the boat as we scrambled to keep our balance. We must have spent a good deal of time righting it as best we could, far too focused on that to notice that we had drifted away from the wreck. I saw Lightoller in the area we had drifted to, and we managed to maneuver our boats close to each other. He had found himself in a similar situation in terms of his last boat, and we quickly set up a routine for the men.

Lifeboats were nearby, he, Moody and myself had whistles. We set the men to yelling and shouting to try and attract attention, then we would blow our whistles as loud as we could before the yelling started again. I cannot recall how many times we repeated that, but eventually a boat came upon us. It was crewed by Lowe, the Welshman had been the only one to go back, and he took most of our men off. As officers, the three of us remained behind until we reached the other boats and were able to send all our men off.

I was so tired and cold that when I saw Anastasia in Lowe's boat I thought it was some cruel divine prank. Especially when she took me into her care, warming me as best she could. I thought I must have been dead, but as she warmed me the pain made it clear that I was still alive.

I rubbed at my eyes, settling back in the chair. God, no wonder Will had been distant if he had spent all his time writing this. He'd dated it, and it was still when he was at home, but when I glanced back down I saw an entry on the next page, dated to sometime when he had been sailing over.

I'm not going to write about what it was like to be rescued. The only good thing to come out of everything that had happened was the fact that Anastasia attached herself to me like a barnacle and she hasn't left since. Societal standards had fallen by the wayside after the sinking, and I was glad of it. I felt disturbed after what had happened, and I indulged myself in her as a distraction. I held her close when I slept, I barely strayed from her side during the day, and one night when a cabin had been offered, I took it and took her with me.

Anastasia appeared to have lost her morals, and draped herself over me at one point. I wanted nothing more than to take her then, to hold her underneath me and lose myself in her. She had no idea, only wanting a kiss while I wanted to use her roughly until I fell into an exhausted sleep. It was one of the hardest things I had done to force myself to push her away, her innocence only added to her allure and I refused to corrupt that.

God, but then I married her and I left her back home all alone. I know that I should be able to focus on other things, and when I work I can, but during these moments of rest I want her. I want my wife. I need to end this before I find myself in a state.

The entry ended with that, and I closed the book with a smile. At least Will had stopped writing about the sinking, and my smile only grew as I remembered that night on the Carpathia. If I had known what Will taking me was like I would have offered myself to him that night wholeheartedly. Hell, I would have stripped off my clothes and pulled him into the bed. It was sunset by the time I had finished, and I couldn't help the grin on my face as an idea came to me. I would get Will worked up into a state, and he would enjoy it.

It was late, he'd be home soon, and nothing was better to come home to than your wife naked in your bed.

I double checked the first floor to make sure I hadn't left anything that might clue Will in, then undressed and tucked my clothes away in the trunk. I wished I could have turned the light on, but Will would have noticed it from the street. So I did my best to position myself on the bed in a way he would find enticing. Legs stretched out, hand on my hip, a smile on my face. There was nothing left to do but wait.

And wait.

And wait.

It was getting late enough that I had given up on my pose and had almost dozed off when I heard the front door open. That woke me right up, and my heart was pounding as I heard him moving around downstairs. I almost jumped out of bed when I heard him on the stairs, walking towards the door, but then I heard the shower head over the bathtub start up. I gave a little huff as I flopped back down to the pillows. How long was I going to have to wait for my husband to come to bed?

Eventually the water stopped, but then I heard the sink run and I sat up. Oh, he was going to get a surprise when he came in. In fact, as soon as the door cracked open I flung a pillow at it. "Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting?"

"Shit!" The door slammed shut, but Will thrust it back open quickly. "Ana?" I took in the sight of him, only a towel wrapped around his waist, still a bit damp from washing. I bit my lip, feeling the lust in me rise. Will took a step forward, "What are you doing here?"

I got up onto my knees, making sure he could get a good look at me. "I wanted to surprise you, but then you took so long. I was worried you wouldn't come home."

"I can assure you," His eyes darkened as he took in my body, the towel quickly discarded. "If I had known you were here, I would have hurried home."

"You're horrible." I muttered as he bore me back down onto the bed, giggling into his lips. I wasn't giggling for very long though, Will's hands finding their way to my sides and my breasts. I sighed into the kiss, wrapping my hands around his shoulders to hold him there. I wanted his weight on me, the way it made my breath speed up and my skin go all hot.

I moaned as I felt him stirring against my thigh, and hooked a leg over his hips to rub against him. He groaned in response, beginning to shallowly thrust against me. Soon enough our hands had moved down to stroke the other, and Will quickly twisted us around so that I was on top. His eyes were barely opened, his hands on my hips. "Ride me?"

In response I held him in place as I lowered myself onto him, happily sighing at the stretch. He was so hard, and when I was settled I moaned just at the feeling of him in me. I wasn't sure why it felt good to have him in me like this, but it was nice, and became wonderful when I began to grind onto him. Will hissed, thrusting up slightly and using his hands to encourage me to rise up and lower myself back down.

I started into a rhythm, bracing my hands on his chest. "Better?" By way of reply he dipped a hand between us and began to tease me. I cursed and panted as he did, moaning loudly when his other hand came up to knead at my breast. There was nothing better than this, than him inside me and stroking me to completion. The grin he wore as I came apart was entirely too self satisfied, and he finished shortly after, groaning my name.

Will pulled me to him after I got off of him, drawing me down to rest my head on his chest. He chuckled, I could feel it under my cheek. "If I had known you were here I would have turned down that second pint with Lights."

I traced my hand over his chest. "Is that where you were?"

"This afternoon, yes." He wrapped an arm around my waist. "I spent the morning at work, but then I dropped by the house to see him and the boys. Just to show him that everything was fine." I looked up, seeing him smile. "He was glad to see me, as were the boys. And of course, with someone responsible around for once, Sylvie left Mavis with me while she took care of some shopping. And then I had to stay for dinner, and Lights asked me down to the pub for a few drinks."

"It sounds like you had a good day." I pressed a kiss to his chest.

"It was good, especially the end." He pressed his nose to my hair, breathing the scent of it in. "Lights is going to be very surprised to see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"He asked if I would come with them to Brighton. And of course I said I would, anything for my nephews."

I sighed, "It will be good to see our nephews, although you do know we're going to have to spoil them rotten."

"I don't think Lights is expecting any less."