I tried to keep my thoughts focused on the present, and not the fact that every day meant we were closer to the end of the month and Will leaving. Instead I took Will shopping, purchasing new shirts and socks and anything else he could think of. I had already asked Mr. Cooper to make as many jackets and trousers for Will's uniform as he could, if there was one thing I could do I could at least send my husband off with plenty of clothes.

Fortunately once we had Will's measurements taken the salesman at the department store we visited was quite willing to send his staff to collect up a good number of shirts and collars. Which left me to browse the pitiful selection of outerwear, muttering to myself. "Why did they have to start this during summer?"

"What?" Will, holding up a cream colored sweater, glanced over.

I shook my head, "Nothing, nothing. I think that would be good for you to take with, I'll have to send over some more coats and jackets once it cools down here."

"Ana, I can go shopping in Britain." He handed the sweater to a shop assistant, coming over to take my hands. "You don't have to worry yourself over this."

"I'm your wife." I rolled my eyes, leaning up to peck his cheek and trying desperately to think that there might come a day where I wouldn't be his wife, but rather his widow. "It's my job to see you turned out just right, now, how many pairs of socks do you think you'll need?"

"A few dozen." Will sighed, and we made our way through the various departments.

It was when we reached the sporting department that I paused, my blood running cold as I took in a mannequin dressed for duck hunting. "Will?"

"What is it?" I felt him slide his arm around my waist. "You sound upset."

I had to work my mouth for a moment, "Will I need to send you off with a gun? I don't know what kind, a pistol? Do you-"

"Ana," He turned me away from the mannequin, leading me off to towards the luggage. "They'll supply that, you don't need to worry." I distracted myself by trying to decide what valise he would prefer, there were plenty of options and Will seemed glad to help me decide. We eventually settled on a large black leather case, enough to hold a uniform, several shirts and his toiletries.

The salesmen had gathered quite a few shirts for us, and Lewis didn't mind helping them load everything into the car. We had one now, a Packard that Lewis had been more than glad to track down once we told him we wanted one. In fact, given how quickly the car had showed up at the house, I had a distinct suspicion that he'd had his eye on this exact model for some time and was simply waiting us to supply the cash.

Will and I had traded off sitting in the passenger seat for the past couple days of shopping, Lewis being more than willing to show us the intricacies of the clutch, pedals and wheel. But now, even though it was my turn, I joined Will in the back. The seats were soft, and Will quickly had his arm around me when I moved closer to him. I was trying to not cling to him, to not focus on the fact that sometime soon I wouldn't be able to do this, to ignore the fact that I was going to have to wait years to see him again, or that I might never.

Part of me wanted to ask if he was thinking the same thing when he held me, but part of me was terrified of the answer. I wanted to have Will come back, I wanted to have him not think about dying, and so I had decided to do something to help prevent that. I had wired over to Mr. Welton, determined to do whatever I could to assist Will over there since he was going, and told him to purchase as many books as he could find on naval theory and send them to Will's house. If those would help him survive, then I wanted him to have every access to them.

I tried not to hold his hand too tightly when we got home, although he stayed back when I went to head inside. "I need to make some calls," Will leaned down, kissing my cheek. "I'll be back for dinner."

I held him close for a moment too long, "I'll be waiting."

Will was rolling his hat back and forth in his hands, only glancing up when the butler held the door open after informing Oscar of his visitor. "Mr. Vanderbilt will see you, he's right here in the billiards room. May I?" The butler held out his hand, taking Will's hat for safekeeping as Oscar smiled to see him come in. He held out a cue to his guest, and Oscar set to racking the balls once it had been taken. To be quite honest, he hadn't expected to see William so soon. He'd read the papers, he knew that any British reservist in New York was shipping out as quickly as they could and he thought Will would have wanted to stay with Ana for as long as possible.

Oscar hid his thoughts though, grinning at his guest instead, "Care to join me for a game?"

"I'm afraid I'm not much of a player." Will handled the cue hesitantly, slipping his jacket off after seeing Oscar in only his waistcoat.

He laughed, "Neither am I." Oscar quickly had all the balls into their rack, rolling them back and forth on the felt. "So, what brings you by?"

"I'm leaving." Will picked up a chalk, covering the tip of his cue.

Oscar set the cue ball just so, choosing to play dumb. "Your next crossing?"

"I'm going to war, as you know." Will watched as Oscar twitched slightly, although his strike on the cue ball was sure. It hit the other balls with a smack, sending them rolling across the felt to thump into the sides of the table. "I don't know what I'll be back."

Oscar backed away from the table for Will to take his shot. He knew that Will would leave, but hearing him say it was rather harsh. Anastasia must be devastated. "And how is Anastasia feeling about this?"

"Somewhere between furious and miserable, and trying to keep me from seeing it." Will tried to line up a shot, and managed a glancing blow on the red ball. "I'm worried about her when I leave."

"And when is that?" Oscar sent up a silent prayer that he managed to keep his voice steady.

"A few weeks from now," Will watched as Oscar sunk a striped ball, "I'd like to ask something of you, for while I'm gone."

Oscar set his cue down, picking up a drink from a side table. "Anything." A bar took up almost an entire wall of the room, stocked with clean glasses and anything a man could want. He had made himself a whiskey soda as soon as he had started playing.

Will looked down to the table, his fingers twisting around the cue. Oscar felt a pang of sympathy for him, he was obviously distressed by this whole thing. In fact, his voice was barely a whisper. "Don't let Ana be alone while I'm gone, she gets so upset and I don't want her that way for so long. Just, just be there for her. Take her out to parties, the theater, anything. I've asked that of Ezekiel, and if you could pass that onto Liz I would appreciate it."

"Of course I will," Oscar gestured for him to take his shot, anything to get the awkwardness gone. "You know we would never leave her alone, Ana is a very close friend to all of us."

Will stepped up the table, sliding his cue as he gauged the strength that was needed. "Thank you, but there is one thing I'd ask of you, specifically."

"And that is?"

Clack, thump, thump, the balls scattered from the impact and the solid blue disappeared into a pocket. "How long have you loved Ana?"

Oscar coughed, setting his glass down. His heart about fell through the floor, he thought he had hidden it well and now her husband was about to tear into him. "Will, I-"

"I know you love her Oscar, I'm not stupid. When did it start?" Will moved back, in fact going to the bar and pouring himself a slug of brandy.

"A few months after her debut," Oscar stepped up the table, his cue wobbling slightly as he lined up a shot. It was hard to keep his mind on the game when he remembered the day that he knew he loved that girl. He'd come to take her on a carriage ride, her mother would be coming with of course, but when he had knocked on the door Anastasia had answered instead of a servant. Her hair had been swept up into the latest style, a fine hat was cocked rather coquettishly over it and her dress was tailored within an inch of its life. But it had been her smile when she had seen him, the way she had reached for his hand and pulled him inside to tell him all about a book she had just finished. He could have listened to her speak for hours and still wanted more. Oscar had read about men falling in love, but he had never experienced it.

Until then.

He didn't care much about his shot at the moment, "When did you notice?"

"Fairly soon after I met you." Will watched as Oscar's shot went wide.

"I'm not going to go after her while you're gone, you know." Oscar tried not to think about what he had gone through when he had heard Anastasia had been on the Titanic. He'd been in London with some friends, celebrating the fact that they were almost finished with university, when the news had come out. His friends knew Oscar was from New York and he had recognized quite a few people that the papers had proclaimed dead, their portraits printed hastily.

And then he had seen Gareth Dalian's name shoved in the corner beneath an old picture.

His friends had let him have a moment as he tore through the paper, looking for anything about survivors. He had heard their whispers, that they should let him mourn his American friends in his own way, but he hadn't cared about Guggenheim or Astor then. His heart hadn't stopped racing until he had found her name, his fingers brushing over the cheap newspaper. First Class, Anastasia Dalian, Rescued.

He'd wired home to Liz immediately, begging her for news. He knew Anastasia had cut her, cut his entire family for some reason, but he needed to know how she was, what was going on. Liz had sent him a short wire saying she would find out, and then a longer letter. Anastasia, that sweet girl, was trembling under the burden that had been placed on her but was still doing her best to take care of others. He hadn't thought much of her taking care of the officers, merely that it was a kindness of her. Liz had sent him further letters, and clippings from the papers about Anastasia.

And when Oscar had the chance to attend the Inquiry hearings in Britain, he took it.

He'd dressed down, hidden himself in a corner of the gallery, and watched. He'd been curious about what had actually happened, he knew the papers couldn't be trusted fully, so it wasn't just him being curious about Anastasia and the report Liz had sent an officer had taken a special interest in her. When he had heard that, that an older officer had apparently begun courting her, Oscar had pictured him as some ancient, scarred monster. A veritable lecher who would lick his lips when he saw Anastasia, anxious not only to have her body but her money as well.

Part of him knew Gareth would never let a man like that around his daughter, but with Gareth gone, Anastasia might have been confused or manipulated by someone looking to take advantage of her circumstances. So when William Murdoch had been called up to testify, he had taken a close look at his rival. The man was older than Oscar, but not old enough to be his grandfather. He had a certain handsomeness to him, although most would call him plain aside from those brilliant blue eyes. The man didn't sound like a fountain of lust, he simply sounded tired and rather sad. Oscar had left the inquiry a bit disturbed, it was harder to hate the man now that he had seen him, had listened to all he had done to help that night.

And then he had heard Anastasia was engaged.

Oscar had decided it would hurt Anastasia more if he was cruel and hateful towards Will, so he had been friendly and outgoing. And he liked William, he liked the man not only because he made Anastasia happy but because he was a good man. That galled him, because it would have been easier if he had been some kind of cretin like Henry Reichster. But Anastasia was happy, she was talking to him again, and he refused to give that up.

But he would never make William a cuckold, because it was quite clear that Anastasia was completely and utterly devoted to her husband

"I know, I trust you." Will sighed at seeing Oscar hesitate, "In fact, it's because I trust you that I'm going to ask this of you." He balanced the butt of the cue on the floor, letting it shift from hand to hand. He spoke haltingly, "If I die, I don't want Ana to be alone. It would be better if she just forgot me and moved on. If she doesn't, she'll see herself into an early grave, I just know it. I don't want that for her, I want her to die happy and surrounded by grandchildren."

Oscar pursed his lips. "We should all be so lucky."

"And I want that to be our future, but if it can't, I want her to be happy." Will drew himself up. "You could make her happy, you could give that to her. So what I want to ask is, if I die, will you promise me that you'll marry Ana? Keep her happy and help," He glanced aside, swallowing thickly. "Help her forget me."

"William-"

"I know it's a lot, but I just can't leave without having done something about it."

That gave Oscar pause, and he saw what his life could be. Will would be gone, and Anastasia a widow. After an appropriate amount of time for her to mourn, he'd resume his courtship but move quicker. He could see her as Mrs. Vanderbilt, running the house and her business with a steady hand. A nursery of their children, boys and girls who loved their parents utterly. A warm and welcoming home, a loving family and everything he had wanted with Anastasia.

But it would only come if Anastasia suffered a great loss, something that would ruin her.

She wouldn't be the same Anastasia he knew, she would be carrying so much pain and loss that it would hurt him every time he looked at her. He would know that his happiness was bought with her misery, and that would break his heart. The words to tell William that he refused to even consider his offer were on his tongue, but something stilled him. He rarely thought of Anastasia in a, well, less than respectful way, but if she was his wife, oh, how he wanted that.

He wanted to see Anastasia waiting for him in his bed, in a flimsy nightgown and with her hair loose around her. He wanted to see those eyes dancing in the candlelight as he came to her, feel her arms and legs wrap around him. He wanted to hear her moan his name, whisper it in the dark when they moved against each other. He wanted to tear the nightgown from her skin, worship her and have her as his.

It lasted only an instant before a flood of shame rushed over him.

How dare he think of her like that, when she was do distressed at the moment? When he knew that his pleasure would be purchased with her pain? So he shook his head, stepped forward, putting his hands on Will's shoulders. "I will do it if it's necessary, alright? But you're not going to die. You're going to come back, covered in medals and you and Anastasia are going to have a dozen children. Can you promise that, that you won't die?"

Will snorted, "Ana asked me the same thing, you know that?"

"Answer me."

"I promise, I won't die."

Oscar patted the other man's shoulders, "Good, because you know she wouldn't look at anyone else if you were gone."

Will stayed out for some time, it was evening when I heard the car finally chug back home. I'd come down to the parlor after seeing Will's new luggage and clothing to his dressing room and beginning to pack everything away. Reggie and Louise had been with me, keeping up a stream of small talk to distract me. We'd discussed the latest styles I'd seen at the store, and I voiced my displeasure at the columnar gowns that had monopolized everything. It was bad enough that I was not well endowed, but soon I wouldn't even be able to fake it without it being obvious.

Taylor had found me in the parlor and we'd discussed Rigel. Taylor was of the opinion that Rigel should be studded out soon, but I was unwilling to part with him. Which then lead to a discussion of bringing Rigel's potential mates here, and I was against that as well. Taylor had been chuckling over my distress when I heard the car, and he had retreated from the parlor as I set myself to rights.

"You were gone for awhile." I murmured as I hugged him, the both of us heading upstairs where dinner had been set out for us.

He pulled me tight to him. "I had a few errands to attend to, I'm sorry it took so long."

"It's alright," I tried to keep the sadness from my voice, fighting down the fact that I was upset because I wanted to be selfish and monopolize every moment of his time. "I hope it wasn't too much of a hassle."

"It wasn't." He held the door for me, and we both set to on the dinner that had been left. Mrs. Vangerten seemed determined to fatten Will up before he left, for she had sent up multiple courses even though it was just the two of us. We made small talk over the potato soup, discussed the Packard over chicken and the company over pie. A footman came when we rang to clear the plates, leaving us in the sitting room.

Will came up behind me, slipping his arms around my waist. "I hope you won't forget me while I'm gone." He lingered for a moment longer, and I breathed in his cologne. I tried to memorize it, for I would only smell it for a short while longer. I could go to the bottle when he was gone, but it wouldn't have him. He had a wistful smile on his face as he sat on the settee, a whiskey in his hand. "I'll be expecting a huge party when I come home, you know."

"I could never forget you," I moved towards him, feeling his hand slip around mine and pull me closer. "Never."

"Then you won't get blue while I'm gone?" He pressed a kiss to my cheek.

"Oh I will, I cannot promise not to." I shifted into his lap, letting my fingers pop the buttons on his waistcoat. "I will miss you every night. And every morning, and every day. And I will write you, about how much I miss you. That way you know what a horrible man you are to leave your wife all alone, across the ocean. With a cold bed." I could at least try and soften what could be harsh words with a joking tone.

His own fingers went to work on the back of my dress. "I will miss you Ana," He pulled the back of my dress open, slipping it off my arms. I was wearing a new brassiere, and he quickly had that off too. I shivered as his hands found my breasts, teasing them. "My beautiful wife."

I pulled his waistcoat off, slipping my hands under his suspenders. "My hardheaded husband, who I still love even if he is leaving me."

"But it's not tomorrow." Will stood, his arms strong as he lifted me. "I won't be gone for a little while, and I intend to enjoy the last of my time here." I could feel him against me, stiffening as I deliberately moved my hips against him. He staggered for a step, "Ana, at least let me get to the bed first." I chuckled, continuing to move even as he dropped me to the bed, my skirt flying up around me. Will quickly stripped off his shirt, sending my dress and underthings to join it in the corner.

The material of his trousers was smooth against my skin as he pressed himself to me. I tugged at them, "Off Will, take them off."

"Not yet," He mumbled against my neck. I leaned my head back, humming as I felt him kiss his way down my neck. It was delicious to feel him kiss my breasts, to suckle at them. I gave a little start as I felt him move down even farther. He looked at me over the slight rise of my belly, "Like I said, I can't have you forgetting me while I'm gone."

I was already trembling in anticipation, he had only done this a few times when compared to how often he claimed me completely, but it was always an experience. He grinned up at me, slowly bringing his hands to my thighs and parting them. I could feel his breath against them as he kissed each one, his fingers spreading my folds as he brought his lips to me. I closed my eyes, focusing on the feeling of his tongue licking gently at me, teasing the spot of pleasure at the top of me. I was vaguely aware that I had begun keening, but when he closed his lips around that spot and gently sucked it, I screamed. He didn't linger, using his tongue and his fingers to bring to the very edge. I grabbed at his head, trying to hold him close. "Will, God, Will, please, please, please." His lips ghosted over the spot, and I felt my thighs try to close around him, to make him attend to it. He chuckled, then sucked at the spot and I came apart.

It was exquisite, a rolling wave of pleasure that wrapped me in it and bore me along. Will kept up his attentions even as I cried out, drawing out the experience and leaving me practically breathless. It was only when I had been reduced to panting that he came back up, holding himself above me. He smiled, "I love to watch you lose yourself."

I yanked at the waistband of his trousers. "Off, now." He complied, and quickly fell upon me. I set my hands to finding him between us, stroking him even as I wrapped a leg around his. I used that leg to roll us over, allowing me to be on top. I pressed my breasts against him, and began to mirror his movement from earlier. A kiss to the neck, kissing his nipples, he always twitched at that. I moved to his belly, letting my breasts rest against him.

"Ana, you don't-" Will half sat up, looking down at me. I raised an eyebrow, "Fuck, Ana. You're making this so much harder than I wanted it to be." I shook my head, feeling my hair spread out around me. I could feel him twitch against me, and I pressed a kiss to the base of him. I placed wet kisses along the length of him, bringing a hand up to follow and gently stroke him. My other one I set to rolling his sack, and I locked my lips around the tip of him. His fingers curled in my hair as I swirled my tongue around him, gently pulling as he cursed. "God, Ana. Fuck, this is incredible. Don't stop." I smirked around him, setting myself to the task in front of me. I did not enjoy doing this that much, the taste of him down here was a bit bitter, but he so enjoyed it that it was worth it. I felt his hips buck slightly, and I set my hands to press him back down. "Sorry, sorry." He gasped, and I tried to take more of him in. I couldn't manage much more, but he was beginning to moan and his hips moved again.

I pulled my head back, letting him slip out of my mouth. "Will."

"God, Ana." He grabbed at my arms. "Up, up. I want to be in you." I dragged myself up him, feeling the wet of my mouth move along my body as I slid along him. I straddled him, putting a hand underneath to guide him into me as I impaled myself. It felt so good to feel him stretch me, to finally get rid of the emptiness. I couldn't help but moan as I began to move against him, his hands finding my waist to guide me. It was always so good when we did it this way, and he quickly set me to a blistering pace.

I felt myself begin to come again, my muscles fluttering as I moved on top of him. I placed my hands on his chest, trying to steady myself. "Will, don't stop. I'm so close." His hands moved to my rear, helping lift me and set me back down on him. I was almost crying with how good it felt, and I threw my head back. "Fuck me, Will." He surged forward at that, winding his fingers in my hair. Now it was not just me moving on top of him, he was thrusting himself up, both of us covered in sweat and desperate for our release. I closed my arms around him as I felt my release, moaning his name as I clamped on him. He followed me over the edge, I could feel the warmth of his seed in me as it spurted out. Maybe this would take root, maybe I could give Will a child, a bit of him to hold onto while he was gone.

Will groaned into my shoulder as his release finished, "Ana, don't move. Just stay there." I kept still, even as I felt him soften in me. I held his head to my shoulder, my breath coming slower as I relaxed into him. Will's arms came around me, twisting us down to the bed. Parts of us still stuck together from the sweat, even as he slipped out. Will reached over, brushing my hair behind my ear. "Just think what it will be like when I come back."

I tried to smile, "It should give you reason enough to return."