Ever since they reached the border of Bokusen-Oh's forest, Hotaru silenced herself and fell behind the group. Sesshomaru sometimes glanced back to check up on them, because even Rin went surprisingly quiet, looking around her in awe.
Lost in thoughts, Hotaru was absent-mindedly walking through the ancient forest. It was alive and deeply intertwined. Every old tree had an aura, a personality. The breeze rustling the leaves made it sound as if the trees were whispering to one another. And they were, she just couldn't understand. With memories, she also lost this connection to natural beings and spirits, the ability to understand them. She had mixed feelings about this powerful place. This forest was home. And grave. A good friend. An accurate mirror. It was welcoming her and chasing her away at the same time.
Her head was pounding in her heart's rhythm. I have been here. This place…
"Wood… Squirrel… Lily… Yellow… Hmmm… Ah, bird." Jaken was commenting to ease his nerves.
A colour caught her eye. Hydrangeas? Without a second thought she went to pick a few.
Jaken turned his curious eyes to Sesshomaru. It was his first time here. "Your late father's friend certainly lives deep in the forest, Sesshomaru-sama." He mused.
"Welcome, I've been awaiting your arrival." An old demonic voice sounded from above and from all around them at the same time, echoing through the forest. The surrounding trees shook in excitement.
"A voice… from the sky." Rin was arching her neck to see what was above them.
"Mmm, I don't see anyone." Jaken added, spinning around looking up into the canopy.
They walked a few more paces further, into the densest part of the forest, while the voice was still sounding all around, "I have been expecting you, Sesshomaru-"
"So again, you say you knew I was coming, did you, Bokusen-Oh?"
"You… as well as…"
They entered the dark clearing with only a few sun rays reaching the ground. Sesshomaru stopped in front of a humongous, ancient tree. Its trunk was wider than three metres, its bark was old and covered with moss of different colours. The air rippled and sent a vibration through their bodies.
In awe, Hotaru was drawn to the tree. Sesshomaru's warning growl stopped her from stepping across the imaginary line. Surrendering to his leadership, she glanced at him and took a step back, uncomfortably shifting her weight. She wanted to touch the tree, hide in its roots and put flowers in a specific place.
"You've come to speak with me about the swords and Hotaru's searching for her memories, I presume."
She lowered her head and took another step back. This place was sacred and the tree demon was Sesshomaru's ally first. Inuyoukai took precedence. Soon, a face formed on the trunk right in front of Sesshomaru. Bokusen-Oh opened his eyes with a 'clack'.
"The information you seek, Sesshomaru, is about the Tetsusaiga, your father's heirloom sword, correct? Or is it-" His eyes flickered to Sesshomaru's human companions.
"A tree demon!" Rin gasped, finally seeing the demon's face and pinpointing where the voice was coming from.
"Sesshomaru-sama, just what is that?" Jaken asked uncertainly, never seeing a tree demon in his long life before.
"More than 2 000-year-old magnolia tree." Sesshomaru answered flatly.
Jaken gasped: 2 000 years old! I wish to live that long too… The tree demon was looking at him and added: "The sheats of the swords, the Tetsusaiga and Tenseiga, passed down by Sesshomaru's father were carved from my very old boughs."
"They were?" So the sheaths for those swords come from this tree. The strange power of the sheats… I can see why after seeing this creature. Jaken was awed.
"As well as the case on Hotaru's back. Hmmm…" Bokusen-Oh finished, his eyes staying on Hotaru for a while before returning to Sesshomaru. "And your question is, Sesshomaru?"
"Bokusen-Oh, perhaps you can explain to me… the link between Inuyasha and Tetsusaiga."
"Inuyasha?" He repeated thoughtfully, "your younger brother?"
"Inuyasha's blood has changed," Sesshomaru explained, without directly answering Bokusen-Oh's question; he would not admit out loud that Inuyasha was his younger brother, unless it was for mocking purposes. "The first time was when a demon bit and broke the Tetsusaiga. The second time, he let go of the Tetsusaiga while fighting me. The scent wasn't that of a half-demon. It was the smell of a pure demon's blood. Like mine and my father's."
"The same smell of blood?" Bokusen-Oh repeated and chuckled. "I have my doubts."
Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by that?"
"Inuyasha is a half-demon, born between a demon and a human. He could never become a full-fledged demon. Sesshomaru… there is something that you, a pure-blooded demon, are capable of accomplishing, but which Inuyasha could never do."
"Go on." He demanded and asked at the same time.
"Mmmm. It is simple. I speak of protecting oneself, of maintaining oneself."
"Maintaining oneself?"
"Yes." Bokusen-Oh continued, "for example, Sesshomaru, during a battle, if you find yourself in a hopeless situation, you are able to remain calm. You never lose control of yourself."
"Hmph," he scoffed, "it would never be possible for me to fall into such a desperate situation."
Hotaru behind him rolled her eyes, which wasn't missed by Bokusen-Oh. He chuckled, saying lightly: "No. I don't suppose you would."
Sesshomaru's eyes twitched in irritation. And Bokusen-Oh continued: "However, Inuyasha is a different matter. If he is backed into a corner and his life is in danger; in order to preserve his life, his demon blood takes control of the body and transforms."
As I thought. That would explain his transformation. Sesshomaru thought, remembering his last battle with Inuyasha.
"But," Bokusen-Oh paused, "unfortunately for Inuyasha, the pure daiyoukai blood of his father is too strong for a half-demon such as himself."
"Hmm, what will the outcome be?"
"Well… in essence the demon blood will devour his human soul. He will not be able to recognise himself, he will not be able to differentiate between friend or foe. He will simply kill. And with repeated transformations, Inuyasha will eventually lose his soul. He will become a demon, who only knows how to fight and kill. As a monster, he will continue to fight until he is destroyed." He explained. "I sincerely doubt that your father would have wished for such a terrible fate upon his own son. That is why he bequeathed Inuyasha the sword of Tetsusaiga to protect his soul."
He frowned. Tetsusaiga protects his soul? So if he releases the sword, Inuyasha is doomed… He was given the sword because he is weaker, not because he was favoured more. It made sense. It had logic. One Sesshomaru could see and live with.
That's it! That's what Myoga-sama didn't tell us! I knew there was something we were missing. His transformations are a serious issue… But still, is there truly no way for him to overcome his bloodline? Hmmm… Hotaru thought. Once again, she confirmed that her gut feeling was not lying to her.
"If I may ask," she stepped closer, asking permission more from Sesshomaru than Bokusen-Oh. The demon glanced at her, his golden eyes allowing. "Is that also why the Tetsusaiga rejects pure demons? Because it actually seals the demon's essence?"
"That is correct." Bokusen-Oh agreed. "I see you know both Toga's sons."
She nodded with a small smile, her eyes pinned on one place at his roots. There, but…
"I have been expecting you as well, dear child. I am aware of what is troubling you and it is not the general's sons. The place where you are looking… there are none buried under my roots. The time has not yet come."
"The time has not yet come…" She repeated in a whisper. Several pieces she had suspected for a while finally fell into place. I don't belong to this time. Like Kagome. But different. Why…?
Bokusen-Oh elaborated: "Do not fear what you cannot remember. Do not let it burden you. Come, touch the soil, place the flowers you picked, for they are meant to-"
"-comfort the living, not please the dead. For the dead who found peace do not need anything anymore but to be remembered." She breathed out, approaching Bokusen-Oh's roots. Kneeling down, she placed her hand over the soil and arranged the flowers. He didn't lie. There was no one buried by the tree. But they will be. Just as they will be born here. Because their death is something that I cannot change. Or perhaps if I live long enough…?
She pressed her palms together and prayed silently.
Bokusen-Oh's face softened, as much as the wood could.
Swaying back to her feet, with her eyes closed, she placed her hand on his bark. She could feel his vast roots, his lifeforce, the entire forest. Trust. Respect. Bond of equals.
"You know me." She opened her eyes.
"And you know me. Ask me what you want, I will try to answer what I can."
"What you can? How so?"
"I see the past of those who seek me, and why they seek me, but I do not have a gift of foresight. Your past lies in the future, it is not in my memories yet, so I do not see it all. And I cannot tell you too much. Time does not like being manipulated." His face shifted and moved, so he was on her eye level. What a fierce determination. "But you already pieced this together."
She nodded. Ever since she woke up she felt out of place and out of timeframe. Alone. Like Kagome, but different. "When I crossed the threshold of your forest... Because here… it's always been in my life… like home. I… why? What is the purpose of me being here?"
The leaves rustled and Bokusen-Oh's eyes flickered to the surrounding trees. "There are more, and I cannot mislead you with one. You've always been here. But how will all things unravel, I cannot tell because I do not know. No one does. Your future lies here, shall you want it."
Shall I want it? Will I get to choose? "So I'm supposed to do what? Wait until… when? How long?" She was trying her best to keep her frustration in check.
"You will know what you must do, once you face it. The wheels of fate are already moving."
"Fate… Are we not the ones who construct our fate, our future?"
"Our fate depends on many things. Our birth. Who we meet. Who we don't meet. Which way we turn. Whether and when we decide to close our eyes or keep them wide open. Fight or flee. Some things are out of our reach. But you are correct, you always have a choice."
"Are all ancient demons this cryptic?"
"It is our well earned joy."
She sighed. "And my memories? Why can't I remember? Not even the basic things from my childhood, my parents or siblings, if I had any? Are they alive, dead, gone?"
"A chance. You have been freed from the burdens of your past."
"A chance for what exactly? To make it easier to manipulate me?" She snorted. "How can I start from scratch, when I don't even know who I am and where I come from?!" I can't fully trust myself…
"Your instincts are not wrong. You would not be here if you were not slowly remembering. Am I wrong?"
"No. I don't think wiping my memory worked the way it should." She huffed. "It is slowly coming back in glimpses, nightmares, feelings, skull splitting headaches. Even muscle memory. But is it even real? How can I say what is real and what is dream? Can I believe it? Could it have been altered?" There is nothing good in it.
"Let your gut guide you. The cursed seals are too intricate to make completely right and yours was cracked. By the jewel, and then further by the Tenseiga."
She glanced at Sesshomaru, who returned her puzzled gaze. The leaves rustled again.
"Tenseiga?" Sesshomaru asked.
"You brought her back to life, correct?"
"..."
"Tenseiga rules the netherworld, which knows nothing of time. Memories of the dead reside there… The seal took root in the darkest death."
"Hn…"
Her eyes were wide, frightened, when she turned back to Bokusen-Oh. "Darkest death…? I must have-"
"-been tested by fate more than the others." He didn't let her finish. "A wandering, lost soul, never finding a proper home. Even my forest is nothing more than a temporary shelter you come to and leave as you please."
In other words, I was always miserable. "Home, huh? … It's not a place. Never a place…" She pressed her temples. "How long have I lived, in that past… or future past of mine?"
"I do not count years like you. But your soul has been around longer than Inuyasha's."
"Not poss-" She paused. Replaying those glimpses and nightmares. How many different things and places she saw and knew? Wasn't that why she felt so misplaced in the timeframe? The things she carried in her case. Not possible? For a healing witch connected to nature and the moon? A wandering, lost soul… Quite fitting.
"Powerful witches are humans, but not entirely." He said and the wind picked up, tearing a few leaves off the trees. "Human bodies, if living in peace and in tune with the cruel nature, can hold on to youth and health for as long as the soul wants. Centuries if they have wisdom and use their hearts. Unusually powerful or perceptive humans can become hermits and live for millenia." Like me.
"Wisdom and heart, huh? Witches or priestesses… Both are supposed to be wise women… We live as long as we can and we are not afraid of meeting Death when the time comes. But I did not live in peace. I killed. I also did not use any forbidden means to prolong my life. There is no way I would break those laws."
"Sometimes, it is enough to have the right bloodline." Bokusen-Oh smiled. "Or connections… Those of us old and compassionate enough are capable of sharing lifeforce with humans, if we so decide."
Demons can share lifeforce with humans? Sesshomaru thought, analysing their discussion.
She chuckled, wondering how many she outlived. "I don't think any demon would be willing to share their life just for the sake of having a human around."
"Some demons are capable of emotions, such as love or sorrow, much deeper than humans." He glanced at Sesshomaru, as if addressing the words to him directly, but got no response from the proud demon.
"Deeper than humans? … Or just deep enough to burn the world?" She smiled, thinking of Naraku. And inevitably of Kou. She would say she loved him, but it wasn't love in the true meaning. Attraction. Like. Maybe love in its demure beginning. She could imagine having a life with him. But he was already gone and while she wouldn't forget him, her feelings were fading away. Is it the same for demons? Or do they keep their feelings forever? "I have one more question." She said, sensing this conversation could not take much longer.
"I will answer if I can."
"Even though they are probably in the future… Who put that cursed seal on me?"
"I do not know, but it was not your enemy."
"Not my enemy?"
Bokusn-Oh's leaves rustled, mimicking a head shake. "That cursed seal is a manifest of a spell specifically crafted for you. As you can feel it yourself, it wasn't for revenge or punishment. It cannot be forcefully broken, until what must be done is done. Only then will it reveal itself to you and fully break."
"Yet it's already cracked."
"Because fate and the world work in mysterious ways and what we presume to be coincidences in our fate make history more often than not."
"Hmph." Sesshomaru huffed. "We are leaving." He announced.
"Thank you for everything, Bokusen-Oh-sama. Until our paths cross again." She bowed respectfully.
"Until your path crosses mine, again. I will be awaiting your visit."
They left Bokusen-Oh in thoughtful silence that was kept until they were far away from Bokusen-Oh's territory.
"So?" Jaken lasted longer than ever, but his curiosity took the better of him: "Who will be buried under Bokusen-Oh-sama's roots? You parents? Your husband? Uh, no you are a priestess, you would not have a husband… A lover perhaps?"
Hotaru's eyes were freezing cold when she glared at him. "My children. A boy and a girl." She said sternly.
The imp stopped and gawked at her. He cleared his throat and started condescendingly: "Children? You are a priestess! Keh! Of course, you were a useless wench of a mother in your past-future too! No wonder you let the little Rin here die before and you claim you want to protect h-OMPF." He bumped into Sesshomaru's leg.
"Milord?"
SMACK.
"Ou, ou, ou." Jaken rubbed the abused spot. "But Milord, why? She is not even supposed to live! How can I possibly offend someone who was not even born yet? Whose parents were not born yet? Hmph, the witch should probably go her own way to deal with her issues. Naraku is obviously not her top priority and thus she cannot-"
"Jaken." Sesshomaru stepped on him as he made a few steps forward. "Are you questioning my judgement?"
He inhaled, but noticing Sesshomaru's irritated look, he lowered his head. "No, Milord."
Surprised, Hotaru stared at Sesshomaru. His words hurt, but Jaken wasn't exactly wrong… "Uhm… Thank you? But if you think I should go, now that I have met Bokusen-Oh, you can tell me to leave. I don't wish to cause friction in your pack."
"I do not have a pack. If you want to follow this Sesshomaru, you are free to do whatever you want." He turned up front and continued walking.
She smiled and her 'Thank you.' sounded much more confident. You are strangely compassionate, aren't you, Sesshomaru? She stared at the demon's back, with gratitude. He wasn't interrogating her, instead he let her process the new information on her own. And she wanted to stay with him, after all, she still didn't know much and what was the point of rushing? She couldn't remember and no one came to seek her out with any specific plea.
Sesshomaru had his own ideas he needed to process regarding Inuyasha. He sniffed the air, searching for the half-demon's scent. He wanted to verify Bokusen-Oh's words once more.
"I think you would be a great mom." Rin peeped with a smile and took Hotaru's hand. "You remind me of mine."
She kissed her forehead and hugged her. "Maybe I will get another chance one day. Or maybe, I've gotten my chance with you." Who says that protecting her cannot be my purpose, along with searching for my memories and helping to get rid of Naraku?
"Hmph." Jaken huffed.
She glanced at Sesshomaru, lowering her voice: "Jaken, you are partly right, I failed to protect them, but I don't know what happened. You don't have to add salt to my wounds. And if it is within my power I will protect Rin with my life." She was 80% certain the inuyoukai heard them, but hoped he was too immersed in his own thoughts to get involved again.
"The wolves were simply too many, master Jaken." Rin added. "Full-moons are hard for Hotaru-sama as it is her monthly bleeding and she doesn't feel well."
"Rin!" Hotaru covered Rin's mouth. "That's not something Jaken needs to know." She glanced at Sesshomaru, who was focused on searching for something, paying them no attention. Why do I care? It's not like I can hide the scent of blood from a dog demon.
"Monthly bleeding? What is that?" Jaken asked, puzzled.
"A human female thing. You don't want to know."
"Is it contagious?"
"Definitely not. You are safe."
"Oh, good. But what is it?"
She glowered at Rin, who smiled sheepishly. "Why don't you tell me about what do you plan once you become the prime minister of Sesshomaru's empire?" She asked instead to change the topic and Jaken swallowed the bait.
For the rest of the day and the whole evening, they were listening to Jaken's rants.
Ichijou was looking at a pool of blood and its source with disgust. The young woman, barely an adult, was lying in the middle of it reaching her hand towards him in hope. Pleading for help with her empty eyes. Help he didn't offer. He let her die, because he was no healer and he didn't need her to live. All he wanted was the child they created. He wanted an heir.
And for centuries he had been unsuccessful. What am I doing wrong? They all carry the usual time, and yet they give me abominations. Is there no woman good enough to carry my son? Or better yet, a daughter…?
A disfigured bundle of a baby boy that was neither a demon nor hanyo nor human moved. It coughed out blood and turned to the side. Facing him as if naturally seeking father's help. Its breath was weak and raspy, the little body was not developed enough to survive.
It was looking at Ichijou with watery black eyes with red rim glazed over with milky film. It couldn't see. Half of its face was covered by a hard beak. One leg was that of a human baby, the other was a crow foot with talons. The skinny wings with a few missing bones had no sign of ever being able to fly or grow feathers, yet some feathers were randomly growing on the baby's disfigured body.
"Tch. Useless abomination." He snapped its neck. How could brothers have healthy boys? How did our father and mother go about this? How did she survive to have us?
Filled with rage, he set the hut on fire to hide another unsuccessful attempt.
######
A messenger crow landed on Soumei's narrow windowsill. Soumei raised his eyes from the scroll he was reading: "Show me what you saw."
And it did. The images were horrifying. He suspected, but he didn't know of Ichijou's attempts to sire an heir. Soumei himself had no such desire yet.
"Thank you. I'm sorry, I cannot let you fly free." The bird nodded; it wasn't scared of its own kin. It knew it's inevitable faith. Soumei snapped the crow's neck and devoured it whole.
He leaned his back against the rocky wall and closed his eyes. Does father know? Is this what he meant when telling me Ichijou is searching for his own answers? But still… Why is Ichijou obsessed with this to the point of killing an innocent girl? Are we truly this desperate to procreate? If we cannot sire daughters and siring sons is troublesome, maybe we should just live as long as we can and go extinct. Fighting nature is pointless.
His mother was also a human. A powerful priestess with turquoise blue eyes who gave Sojobo 7 healthy sons. And whom Sojobo loved dearly, but couldn't protect from ageing for too long. Her ashes were now protecting the mountain. Centuries passed since she had died. He still remembered her scent, her smile, her gentle touch, the feeling of safety she provided when they all used to turn humans on the nights of the full moon.
He opened his eyes with determination and headed to the library. The need to know what happened to tengu females and why the relationship with a human worked for their father, but not for Ichijou, drove him forward.
And I need to find out before my brother notices the little feather and mistreats her.
A/N: Let me know what you think but remember, reviews are appreciated but never necessary.
S.